daley social styles acmp conference
TRANSCRIPT
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How to Influence Difficult People and Smile While Doing It
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
ObjectivePreciseThoroughDetailedRationalControlled
DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-orientedPragmatic
SupportiveEmpathicLoyalGroup-orientedTeam focusSharing
CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on visionPromoter
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser
How to Influence Difficult People and
Smile While Doing It!
Dee Daley , Atlanta, GA Independent Consultant
Please Don’t get comfy…You will be moving soon
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Move To Your AssertivenessLocation
Inquire
Assertiveness OrientationASK TELL
Stand where you feel you are on the Assertiveness orientation continuum
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Inquire
EMOTIVE
RESERVED
Responsiveness Orientation
move to your responsiveness dimension
Stand where you feel you are on the responsivenessorientation continuum
About Dee …
Dee is NOT certified in:
A. Authentic Happiness
B. Six Sigma Black Belt
C. Scuba Diving
D. Prosci ADKAR
Dee did NOT work at:A. GEB. ATTC. Home DepotD. SunTrust Bank
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What to expect?
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For starters…
•Move fast and hit highlights.
•After session, see toolkit for details
• I am not a psychologist… I am a practitioner of this information
•Be engaged...have fun!
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References
Material is based on the work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton
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what we are doing
1.Overview of Social Styles
2.Identify your predominant Social Style
3 Discuss
your issues & /dislikes
of other styles
4. Learn how to identify the Social
Style of others
5. Practice the skill of
style flexing
6.Obtain your
Take Home Tool
Kit
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social styles
The name we give to the patterns of behaviors that others can observe is Social Styles.
Your style is what others see, hear and observe when they interact with you. ..the tip of the iceberg.
Behavior based theory – not a psychological profile
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What % of the people important to your success are different than you?
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3 out of 4 people differ from you…
• Plan differently• Are motivated for different reasons• Differ in willingness to take risks• Make use of time differently• Make decisions differently• Handle stress differently
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1.Overview of Social Styles
2.Identify your predominant Social Style
3 Discuss
your issues & /dislikes
of other styles
4. Learn how to identify the Social
Style of others
5. Practice the skill of
style flexing
6.Obtain your
Take Home Tool
Kit
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Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Relater
Analyzer Director
Expresser
Dominate social style
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2
4
3
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How to identify your social style?
Two behavioral variables or dimensions:
•Assertiveness (Action Orientation) the degree to which a person's behaviors are seen by others as forceful or directive.
•Responsiveness (Emotion Orientation) the degree to which a person's behaviors are seen by others as emotionally controlled.
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Positive characteristics
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
ObjectivePreciseThoroughDetailedRationalControlled
DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-orientedPragmatic
SupportiveEmpathicLoyalGroup-orientedTeam focusSharing
CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on visionPromoter
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser
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1.Overview of Social Styles
2.Identify your predominant Social Style
3 Discuss
your issues & /dislikes
of other styles
4. Learn how to identify the Social
Style of others
5. Practice the skill of
style flexing
6.Obtain your
Take Home Tool
Kit
Let’s
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What irritates you about your opposite style?
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Perceived negative characteristics
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
CriticalIndecisiveStuffyPickyMoralistic
PushySevereToughDominatingHarsh
ConfirmingUnsurePliableDependentAwkward
ManipulativeExcitableUndisciplinedReachingEgotistical
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser
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Back-Up Styles
Emotive
Reserved
Inquire Advocate
Relater
DirectorAnalyzer
Expresser
Attack
Autocratic
Acquiesce
Avoid
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Social styles in a nutshell
• There are four social styles, none of which are better or worse than any of the other styles
• US population is evenly divided among the styles
• We are all four style people
• Each of us has a dominant style
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1.Overview of Social Styles
2.Identify your predominant Social Style
3 Discuss
your issues & /dislikes
of other styles
4. Learn how to identify the Social
Style of others
5. Practice the skill of
style flexing
6.Obtain your
Take Home Tool
Kit
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Identify Social styles: assertiveness orientation
Left of the Line Behavior Right of the LineAsk/Inquire More Ask versus Tell Tell/Advocate MoreLower Energy level HigherLess Gestures MoreSlower Pace of movement QuickerSlower Speech speed RapidTalk less Amount of talking Talk moreSofter Speech volume LouderMore Deliberate Decision making QuickerLess direct, less forceful
Expressing opinions More direct and forceful
Lean back Posture Lean toward people
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Identify social styles: responsiveness orientation
Below the Line Behavior Above the Line More reserved Emote Emote more than others Less disclosing Express feeling More openLess Facial expressions MoreIdeas, things and tasks Focus PeopleMore formal Dress More casualAlone Working preference With othersLess comfortable Small talk Comfortable, use more
antidotes and stories Structured Use of time Less structured in use of
timeControlled Gestures Animated
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Which style is best for business success?
Source: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships
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Which style is best for business success?
Different management styles can produce the same favorable resultsSource: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships
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What correlates with business success ?
Versatility: The extra dimension
The ability to modify/flex your style to opposite styles when some tension may exist.
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1.Overview of Social Styles
2.Identify your predominant Social Style
3 Discuss
your issues & /dislikes
of other styles
4. Learn how to identify the Social
Style of others
5. Practice the skill of
style flexing
6.Obtain your
Take Home Tool
Kit
A gift you can “open” immediately
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Style flexing
Style flex is the temporary adjustment of a few of your behaviors to make the interaction more comfortable for the other person.
When is it important to style flex ?
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How to style flex
1. Know your dominant style
2. Identify style of other person
3. Identify what behaviors you will add and subtract
4. Develop your style flex plan
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A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to influence others in who you find difficult
Emotive
Reserved
Ask
DANAnalyzer
Expresser
Style Flex Plan
Emotive
Reserved
Ask Tell
Relater
Director
Objective of the meeting
Your Style
Their Style
Assertiveness Dimension
_________Increase
_________Decrease
_________Same
Responsiveness Dimension
_________Increase
_________Decrease
_________Same
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Increase Assertive DimensionBody:Erect or lean forwardIncrease frequency of eye contactVoice/Words:Speak and decide more quicklyMore conviction in your delivery
Style flex preparationRemember the toolkit
Decrease Assertive DimensionBody:Lean backExhibit less energyDo not invade their personal spaceLess frequency of eye contactVoice/Words:Decrease volume/intensity of speechListen moreBe less direct
Increase Emotion DimensionBody:Use more gestures-make them flowingLess stiff/relax postureRespond to feelings with your body languageVoice/Words:Chit chat Touch base personallyRespond to feelings
Decrease Emotion DimensionBody:Restrain gesturesBe formalLimit gesturesVoice/Words:Task oriented/limit chit- chatGet to the point/stick to it
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A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to influence others in who you find difficult
Emotive
Reserved
Advocate/Tell
Ask
DAN
DEE
Analyzer
Expresser
Flex example
Emotive
Reserved
Ask Advocate
Dan
Dee
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Flexing role play
Scenario:The project sponsor continues to not be available to the team. You have met with her previously to gain her agreement that she will be an active sponsor, However, she continues to not be available when needed and has told you she is content with the project’s progress and does not feel she needs to be heavily engaged.
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Your Turn To Plan Your Flex
Select a Partner and Share:
1. Identify a person that you find difficult2. Identify style of other person3. Identify what behaviors you will add and subtract4. Discuss your flex plan
Time Per Partner: ____________
Switch Partners
Questions and answers
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For more information contact : dee daley @Yahoo.com
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How will this help you and your teams influence better?
What will you do differently?
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Thank You
Have a safe trip [email protected]
¾’s of the People with Whom You Work:
•Work differently from you when in groups•Plan differently when with others•Are motivated for different reasons•Differ in willingness to take risks•Make use of time differently•Make decisions differently•Manage accounts differently
Social Styles: Typical Reactions to Stress
Over-comprimising
Avoids confrontation
PerfectionistOpinionated
Over-committed
RigidUnrelentingData driven
DomineeringImpatient
Attack
ADVOCATE
RESERVED
EMOTIVE
INQUIRE
RELATER
ANALYZER
EXPRESSER
DIRECTOR
STRESS REACTIONS