dead inside and out

7/30/2019 Dead Inside and Out

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[roao`|l9

Cul blln pdzghcn` hcf eor wofl zcfl nop. Hl plnz dezlr hcw ucgzcfw cn d ulrs |n|w|da

pds. Ecrwz hl b|caz rladzconwhc{w pczh zhlf dnj woflzcflw cz pdw i|wz dz rdnjof. B|z cz pdw phdz

hl jcj zo zhlf zhdz jrlp fl zo hcf. Hl wmcnnlj zhlf daa dacul cn hcw bdwlflnz. Hl pdw daa dbo|z

zhl {dcn dnj w|eelrcn`. Fdjl fl ponjlr phdz `oz hcf zhdz pds. B|z lno|`h oe zhl wzdamcn`! cz

pdw zcfl eor zhl ghdn`l. C pdnzlj hcf zo iocn fl. Pdcz! phdz pdw C wdscn`? C i|wz pdnzlj zo hdul

wofl e|n. Czw blln dn lnzcrl jlgdjl wcngl fs adwz bcz. Alzw wll phdz mcnj oe fonwzlr C go|aj

grldzl erof zhcw fdn.


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Dw edr dw C go|aj zlaa! C pdw zhl onas udf{crl cn zhcw zopn. Wo zhcw who|aj bl e|n. Cn zhl

bl`cnncn`! hl po|ajnz bl dbal zo wlnwl fl. Dnj C blz so| mnop zhdz C pdw noz òcn` zo hla{. C

pdnzlj zo wll hop hl po|aj jlda pczh zhl zrdnweorfdzcon daonl. Hl dnj C hdj woflzhcn` cn

goffon so| wll. Pl bozh aoulj zo wll zhl {dcn dnj jcwzrlww oe {lo{al. Fs blhducor pdw j|l zo

fs blgofcn` d udf{crl b|z hcfhl pdw bdj.

Dh hd$ Zhlrl hl pdw dnj rc`hz on zcfl zoo. Dnj zhlrl pdw hcw ucgzcf. Hl pdw blcn` ulrs

rcwms zhcw pllm blgd|wl hl w|w{lgzlj zhdz zhl adp pdw onzo hcf. So| po|aj zhcnm zhdz hlj ads

aop b|z hl pdw d pldazhs fdn. C `|lww hl ec`|rlj zhdz cehlw òcn` o|z! hl pdw òcn` o|z pczh d

òoj onl. B|z! slw! hcw ucgzcf. Pdzghcn` hcf daa zhcw zcfl! C mnop lxdgzas pho whl pdw. Zhl

pofdn zhdz hl pdw dezlr! Fladncl pdwnz onas hcw go pormlr b|z whl pdw dawo hcw lx `craerclnj.

Hlw pdnzlj zo mcaa hlr eor wofl zcfl nop. B|z oe go|rwl zhlrl pdw zhl eldr oe zhcw f|rjlr blcn`

zoo obuco|w. Nop! daa zhdz eldr pdw ònl. Hl wzdamw hlr d òoj h|njrlj flzlrw dpds. Whl pdw on

hlr pds hofl zo hlr d{drzflnz. B|z `lz zhcw! cz pdwnz jdrm o|z slz. C wzooj cn zhl jdrm b|cajcn`

dgroww zhl wzrllz pdzghcn` hcw `lnc|w |neoaj. Hl {aldjlj pczh Fladncl zo zdml hcf bdgm dnj zo

gofl oulr zo hcw fdnwcon. Whl wllflj rla|gzdnz b|z hl hdj{adnnlj zhcw plaa bleorl. Hl go|ajnz

alz hcw {owwcbal adwz grcfl edca. Wo hlw blln b|zzlrcn` hlr |{ eor pllmw. Zhl jr|nmln {honl gdaaw

adzl dz nc`hz zlaacn` hlr hl fcwwlj hlr! zhl w|jjln {dn` oe wlnwczcuczs zopdrjw hlr dz porm! zhl zcns

eduorw zhdz h|fdn pofln acmlj zo djj |{ cn zhlcr hldjw. Dnj zhcw pdw zhl ecndalzhl C gdn no

aon`lr acul pczho|z so| w{llgh. Dnj cz pormlj! zo no w|r{rcwl oe fcnl. Wo whl pdw nop

wghlj|alj zo drrcul dz hcw fdnwcon dz wcx zhdz nc`hz eor jcnnlr.

C go|ajnz lnzlr hcw ho|wl bleorl b|z C hdj {rlzlnjlj zo bl aowz adwz pllm dnj pdnzlj zo

|wl hcw {honl. Hl pdw w|r{rcwcnàs erclnjas eor d wlrcda mcaalr. Fdsbl hl pdw zhcnmcn` oe mcaacn`

fl zho|`h. Plaa nop! cwnz zhl ioml on hcf? Wo C wn|gm cn dnj hldjlj zo zhl bdwlflnz phlrl zhl


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whop po|aj zdml {adgl. Hl hdj darldjs wlz |{ zhl lt|c{flnz jdsw dò! dnxco|w dnj lxgczlj eor

zhl gofcn` lulnz. Zhl wgda{law plrl on zhl zdbal. Hl pdw òcn` zo wmcn hlr dacul. Zhlrl pdw d

`|rnls pczh wzrd{w daa oulr cz dnj zhl {adgl pdw {rdgzcgdaas wo|nj {rooe. B|z zhdz jcjnz rldaas

fdzzlr. Hcw fdnwcon pdw edr dpds erof zhl zopn. Cz pdw alez eor hcf. Zhdz dnj d bodz aodj oe

gdwh. B|z hl wzcaa ghowl zo mll{ hcw dggo|nzcn` iob cn zhl glnzlr oe zopn.

Dhhh$ C go|aj zdwzl zhl jlacgco|w {dcn cn zhl dcr. Or pdw cz zhl fdns baooj zs{lw zhdz plrl

whlj hlrl. C hldrj d gdr drrcul dz zhl `dzl dnj zhln zhl eoozwzl{w |{ zo zhl joor. C plnz |{wzdcrw zo

a|rm cn zhl bdrlas acz hdaapdsw. Ncgm pdw wzcaa wlzzcn` zhl zdbal. Zhl joorblaa r|n` dnj hl bldflj

pczh lxgczlflnz.

Gofl cn! Fladncl. Hl wdcj. So| jonz mnop hop aon` Culblln pdczcn` eor zhcw jds.

Hl gonzcn|lj b|z woon rldacylj zhdz cz wo|njlj dw grll{s dw hl rldaas pdw cnwcjl. Wo hl t|cgmas

rl{hrdwlj. Cul pdnzlj o|r `lzzcn` bdgm zo`lzhlr eor wofl zcfl nop.

No onl wdcj zhdz pl plrl `lzzcn` bdgm zo`lzhlr! Ncgm. Whl dnwplrlj.

Oe go|rwl! Cfworrs zo cf{as. Hl d{oao`cylj b|z dw hlr bdgm pdw zo hcf hl `dul hlr d

jldjas wgopa. [aldwl wcz dnj lnios zhl phczl pcnl Cul {o|rlj eor so|. C ho{l so| acml cz! czw

òoj.

Zhdz pdw d acl. C wdp hcf {o|r cz erof zhl box cn zhl mczghln. Zhl {adgl wflaalj oe eooj

b|z zhlrl pdw nonl. Hl hdj i|wz w{cmlj hlr pcnl! nozhcn` pdw dgz|daas {adnnlj. Hl jcjnz nllj

dns lxzrd zcfl pczh hlr dnj hl jcjnz mnop hop aon` whl po|aj wzds. Daa hl pdnzlj pdw hlr

jldzh. W|jjlnas hlr hldj hcz zhl zdbal dnj hl bldflj d`dcn cn dnzcgc{dzcon. Hl hdj no zro|bal

gdrrscn` hlr zo zhl bdwlflnz. Hl pdw d plaa b|caz fdn. Hcw lslw plrl jdrm! dafowz badgm cn

d{{ldrdngl. Zho|`h hl pdw b|caz hl pdwnz ulrs rlfdrmdbal. Noz on zhl lsl gdnjs wcjl oe

zhcn`w. B|z C go|aj wflaa zhl djrlndacnl cn hcw baooj dw hl pdamw rc`hz {dwwlj fl cn zhl whdjopw.


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C eoaaoplj dnj pdzghlj gaowlas. C pdw onas pdczcn` eor zhl {lrelgz zcfl. Zhl foflnz zhdz C

po|aj z|rn hcf dnj pdzgh zhl ghdn`l hd{{ln. Cz onas zdmlw d elp ho|rw.

Hl adcj Fladncl on zhl `|rnls dnj wzrd{{lj hlr cn. Hl zhln pdczlj d phcal eor hlr zo

pdml |{. Phln whl gdfl zo! whl pdw ble|jjalj dnj alz o|z d zcfcj fodn oe jcwzrlww. Ncgm aoaalj

hcw hldj bdgm dnj wodmlj cn zhl wo|nj. Hl rlacwhlj cn cz. Dnj cz pdw onas zhl ecrwz. Blpcajlrflnz

wzr|gm dgroww hlr edgl phln whl rldacylj zhdz whl pdw wzrd{{lj jopn.

Ln? whl dwmlj pczh zhl {lz ndfl whl hdj `culn hcf. Lnphdzw hd{{lncn`? Phdz drl

so| jocn` zo fl?

Hl waopas pdamw zo hlr wcjl dnj {cgmlj |{ d wgda{la. C zoaj so| zhdz Cul blln pdczcn` eor

zhcw eor d aon` zcfl.

Phdz?

Hl dnwplrlj hlr t|lwzcon fs waopas wacgcn` oee d {clgl oe hlr wmcn erof hlr drf. Hlr

whrclmw oe d`ons `dul hcf `rldz {aldw|rl dnj phln hl ad|`hlj o|z ao|j C wdp zhl luca Cul blln

pdczcn` eor dnj C w{rdn`. C zorl o{ln hcw ealwh dz zhl zhrodz dnj jrdnm zo fs hldrzw gonzlnz. C

aoulj zhl eaduor oe luca zhdz C zdwzljd aczzal bczzlr b|z wpllz nlulr zhl alww. B|z C hdj zo wzo{ wzcaa

bleorl hl jclj. C zhln zorl fs ealwh dz zhl prcwz dnj elj hcf fs wzoaln baooj. C wzcaa jcjnz

|njlrwzdnj zhl wgclngl oe zhcw. B|z cz pormlj. Pho gdrlj phdz zhl wgclngl pdwzhcw pdw

w|{lrndz|rda. Zhln zhl zrdnweorfdzcon wzdrzlj dnj wo jcj hcw wgrldfw. B|z hl pdw woon

|ngonwgco|w. C fds hdul hla{lj zhdz pczh d baop zo zhl hldj. Dnj eor lxzrd e|n C alz zhl `cra `o.

Whl jcjnz zhdnm fl. Plaa zhdz pdw r|jl. Whl i|wz rdn dw edwz dw whl go|aj. @ooj! d h|nz eor phln

hl poml |{.

C pdczlj zhlrl |nzca C pdw w|rl zhdz hl pdw ghdn`lj. C ghlgmlj hcw zllzh. Zhls plrl ncgl

dnj {ocnzs. Zhdz pdw fs g|l zo aldul dnj pdzgh erof zhl whdjopw d`dcn.


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Hcw fodn wc`nceclj hcw dpdmlncn` dnj hl waopas wdz |{. Hl po|aj bl ulrs zhcrwzs b|z

phdz po|aj hl jo dbo|z zhdz? Hcw lslw hdj zrdnweorflj zoo dnj plrl nop ilz badgm! gornld dnj

daa. B|z zhdz po|aj ghdn`l bdgm phln hl jrdnm wofl baooj. Hl aoomlj dz hcw hdnj dnj C

w|w{lgzlj zhdz cz aoomlj zoo gaowl dw cz jcj zo fl dezlr fs zrdnweorfdzcon. D bcrj ealp bs oulr zhl

zhcrj wzors oe hcw fdnwcon. B|z hl hldrj cz dnspds. Cz wzdrzalj hcf b|z zhln hl wdp zhl jrclj baooj

on hcw hdnj dnj wnceelj cz. Zhcw wllflj zo mnogm hcf bdgm cnzo rldaczs.

Fladncl$ No! no! no$ hl w{rdn` zo hcw ellz. B|z hl jcjnz dnzcgc{dzl zhl {dgl. Hl pdw

darldjs on hcw pds cn hlr jcrlgzcon b|z hl hcz zhl joor{owz dnj wz|fbalj bdgmpdrjw. Zhl baop

whoom zhl ho|wl. Hl aoomlj dz hcw hdnjw d`dcn dnj dz zhl baooj zhlrl. Dnj zhcw zcfl hl acmlj cz.

Zhcw pdw jcw`|wzcn` zo fl blgd|wl luln zho|`h cz pdw baooj! cz hdj jrclj |{ ho|rw d`o. Hl zhln

wfcalj rldaas pcjl. C go|aj zlaa hl aoulj zhl zdwzl. Pdcz zcaa cz pdw erlwh. Oh C pdw zrlfbacn` pczh

lxgczlflnz. Hl blgdfl onl pczh hcw nlp eo|nj w{llj ulrs woon dnj pdw oee zo ecnj Fladncl. C

eoaaoplj d `ooj pds blhcnj wo hl po|ajnz |ngoulr fl. Hl pdw {rdgzcgdaas eascn` zopdrjw zhl

`cra. Whl hdj blln wczzcn` cn zhl {oacgl wzdzcon eor dn ho|r nop dezlr zlaacn` zhlf phdz hdj

hd{{lnlj. B|z zhl {oacgl wswzlf pdw waop. Cz pdw croncg. Zhls plrl b|ws zrscn` zo ecnj zhl wlrcda

mcaalr. B|z zhls nlulr w|w{lgzlj zhdz cz pdw zhl fdn pho i|wz zrclj zo mcaa hlr. Phs? Blgd|wl whl

wzdrzlj zhl wzors pczh Fs lx&boserclnj i|wz zrclj zo mcaa fl$ Hlr po|nj pdw wzcaa o{ln erof

phln Ncgm g|z hlr.

Hl wdp zhl {oacgl wzdzcon dnj gdfl zo d hdaz. C zho|`hz zhdz hl pdw dbo|z zo pdcz b|z cz

pdw dw ce hl ec`|rlj o|z lxdgzas phdz hl blgdfl on zhl onl fcn|zl io|rnls hlrl. C zhcnm hl rldaas

jcj. Hl eadwhlj cnwcjl dnj pdw o|z cn zhl nlxz wlgonj pczh Fladncl cn hcw drfw. Dnj zhln zhls

plrl hldjlj bdgm zo zhl fdnwcon. [rcjl eadwhlj zho|`hz fl. Zhls rldaas jo `rop |{ wo edwz. C

zhrlp fs hldj bdgm cn ad|`hzlr dnj zhln eoaaoplj d`dcn.


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Cn zhl bdwlflnz hl hdj darldjs wzrd{{lj hlr cn d`dcn. Zhcw zcfl whl wgrldflj pczho|z d

àczgh. Hl ad|`hlj daon` pczh cz.

C jonz mnop phdz hd{{lnlj zo fl b|z C mnop zhdz Cf òcn` zo lnios zhcw luln forl

nop. Cz wllfw zhdz C hdul d zdwzl eor baooj nop wo czw zcfl zo jo zhcw waopas.

Ncgm! {aldwl jonz jo zhcw. Fladncl wzr|`àlj dnj hlr po|nj zhdz hdj wzo{{lj

balljcn`! r|bblj d`dcnwz zhl wzrd{w. Nlp pdrf grcfwon act|cj `|whlj d`dcn dnj hl aowz gonzroa.

Hl w|nm hcw edn`w cnzo hlr zhrodz. Hl fdjl cz aoom wo jlacgco|w zhdz C dafowz iocnlj hcf. Pczhcn

zhl fcn|zl whl pdw jrs dnj hl elaa bdgmpdrjw cnzo zhl pdaa. Hl pdw obuco|was jdylj. Zhl r|wh

zhdz hl f|wz ella nop hdj zo bl oulrphlafcn`. B|z zhln jcwd{{ocnzflnz growwlj hcw edgl. C

|njlrwzooj. Hl pdw {adnncn` zo lnios zhl mcaa. Daa zhcw pdzghcn` pdw fdmcn` fl zhcrwzs fswlae

zho|`h. Dnj zhl whop pdw oulr wo C jlgcjlj zo zdml d aczzal brldm. C eaczzlj zo zhl joor b|z hdj zo

gofl zo dn dbr|{z hdaz phln woflzhcn` wzooj cn eronz oe fl.

So|$ C rlflfblr so|. So|rl zhdz aowz fdn. Phdz drl so| jocn` cn fs ho|wl? Hl

wdcj. C eroyl. Zhln hl zoom d jll{ brldzh. Oh! oh. Zhdz wglnz! czw blln eoaaopcn` fl daa jds! cz

pdw so|.

Hlaao! Ncgm! slw C hdul blln. C wdcj. C pdwnz {adnncn` zo zdam zo hcf. B|z C fc`hz dw

plaa wcngl Cf hlrl. Hop jo so| acml so|r nlp bojs? C wfcalj.

S&S&So| jcj zhcw? hl wz|zzlrlj.

Slw C df so|r wcrl.

Hl gof{owlj hcfwlae dnj dnwplrlj fs t|lwzcon. Cacml cz. Czw blzzlr.

C mnop. Daa zhdz zcfl pdwzlj mcaacn` pczho|z zhcw wzrln`zh dnj w{llj. B|z Cf derdcj C

hdul zo ò nop. C f|wz h|nz.


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H|nz?

Slw! C wc`hlj. Po|aj so| acml zo iocn fl?

No zhdnm so|. C onas nllj zo mnop onl zhcn`.

Dnj phdzwzhdz?

Hop jcj so| jo cz? Fszrdnweorfdzconhop pdw cz {owwcbal? Ce C df gorrlgz! C f|wz

bl d udf{crl rc`hz?

Slw! b|z C jonz blaclul zhdz so| drl rldjs eor w|gh mnopalj`l! Ncgm. Zhlrl drl lno|`h

udf{crlw hlrl nop. Zpo pdw lno|`h eor fl.

Zhdzw phlrl so| fcwzdml fl! Wcrl. C jo noz hdul onl or luln d hdae oe gdrl zo phdz cw

lno|`h eor so|.

C `dul hcf d jdrm aoom. Jo noz eor`lz so|r {adgl nlpborn. C fds hdul zo |njo so|.

Cw zhdz rc`hz? Jonz so| porrs! C pcaa ecnj o|z. Dezlr daa! C hdul dn lzlrnczs nop. Dnj zhln

C pcaa hdul dn drfs.

Phs jo so| nllj dn drfs?

Cwnz acel dbo|z whdrcn`? Phs noz whdrl zhl iosw oe f|rjlr pczh ozhlrw. Cn zhl fldn zcfl!

C jo hdul d zdr`lz zhdz Culblln wlzzcn` |{. [aldwl aldul fs hofl.

Oh slwZhl nlxz zdr`lz. Plaa! C blwz aldul so| zo cz zhln. B|z zr|wz zhdz C pcaa noz bl zhl

onl zo zldgh so| zhl pds.

Dnj so| who|aj zr|wz zhdz C pdw d fonwzlr aon` bleorl so| fdjl cz oeecgcda. C pcaa ecnj

o|z onl pds or dnozhlr.


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Dnj pczh zhdz gofflnz C alez. C pdw wo zhcrwzs. B|z fdn hl pdw forl luca zhdn C hdj

dnzcgc{dzlj. Oh plaa. B|z woflzhcn` {dcnlj fl. So| wll! bleorl C pdw d fonwzlr C pdw onas dn

dulrd`l h|fdn. B|z C i|wz zoom {|rl luca dnj fdjl hcf wzron`lr. Phdz hdul C jonl? Fs h|fdn

wcjl wzcaa gdaalj zo fl woflzcflw. B|z hcw h|fdn wcjl pdw nlulr zhlrl pdw cz? C who|aj hdul

mnopn bs zhl pds hl dji|wzlj zo zhl zrdnweorfdzcon wo t|cgmas. Cul z|rnlj f|rjlrlrw bleorl b|z

C hdjnz dnzcgc{dzlj zhl fd`ncz|jl cn phcgh zhcw onl pdwluca. B|z C hdulnz wlln lulrszhcn` slz

wcngl C pdw ghdn`lj onas alww zhdn d glnz|rs d`o. Fs jd|`hzlr pdw wzcaa dacul. Cz pdw plcrj zhdz C

wzcaa aoomlj zhcrzs dnj whl pdw nop ncnlzs dnj cn dnj oaj eoamw hofl. Fs pcel hdj jclj aon` d`o.

Dezlr C hdj fs ecaa oe baooj C plnz zo zhl rooe zo{ zhdz C |wlj zo pdzgh oulr fs jd|`hzlr. Whl pdw

dwall{. Whl |w|daas pdw. Oh! Gsnzhcd! ce onas C go|aj hdul jclj bleorl so|.

C hdj wzdslj on zhl rooezo{ |nzca zhl brldm oe jdpn dnj zhln C hdj zo rlzcrl zo zhl

dbdnjonlj b|cajcn` zhdz C wzdslj cn zhl jdszcfl. Jdsac`hz jcjnz b|rn b|z cz jcj pldmln fl. C

zhln wzdrzlj zo ponjlr phlrl Ncgm pdw. Hdj hl darldjs fdjl zhl mcaa oe hcw nlxz ucgzcf? C

acwzlnlj gaowlas. Cz wo|njlj dw ce hl pdw rc`hz cn zhl fcjjal oe cz. C jdrzlj o|z zhl joor dnj wzrdc`hz

o|z oe zopn zo zhl fdnwcon zo pdzgh. C pdam cnzo zhl bdwlflnz waopas nop blgd|wl cz po|aj bl

no |wl zo hcjl. Hl darldjs mnlp hop zo wlnwl fl.

Hfff! so| gdfl bdgm. Drl so| hlrl zo zlaa fl zhl wlgrlz?

No! b|z C jo lnios so|r f|rjlrw.

Plaa ponz so| zdml d wldz zhln? C pdamlj cnzo zhl ac`hz dnj wdp zhl bojs darldjs hdae

wzrc{{lj oe czw wmcn. Ldgh zcfl hl {ldalj bdgm d {clgl oe wmcn hl ad{{lj |{ zhl baooj erof zhl

po|nj. Hl pdw obuco|was {adnncn` zo zdml hcw zcfl hlrl. C ecnj zhdz phln Cf e|aa C gdn

fdcnzdcn d wzldjs w{llj pczh zhcw cnwzldj oe w|gmcn` hcf jrs bleorl zhl e|n.

C wll. So|r lslw drl bdgm zo norfda. C wdcj.


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Hl w{lg|adzlj zhdz eor d foflnz. Cw zhdz rc`hz? C jcjnz rldacyl zhdz zhls hdj ghdn`lj.

Cf noz onl eor d{{ldrdnglw. Zho|`h C po|aj cfd`cnl zhdz C hdul no rlealgzcon nop?

C ad|`hlj o|z ao|j. Zhdz jdfn! Jrdg|ad dnj hcw `dflw. No! zhdz cw noz zr|l fs erclnj.

Hl ad|`hlj zoo Plaa! lczhlr pds! C hdulnz wlln zhlf.

C gdn wll zhdz so| drl òcn` zo zdml d phcal pczh zhcw. C f|wz rlz|rn zo fs {adgl cn zhl

zopn.

Jo noz zhcnm zhdz C hdul eoròzzln zho|`h. C pcaa `lz zhdz wlgrlz.

C wc`hlj. Noz erof fl! fs erclnj! noz erof fl. C alez dnj plnz zo ao|n`l cn fs

dbdnjonlj b|cajcn` d`dcn. Nop zhdz C pdw ecncwhlj wzdamcn` Ncgm C onas hdj fs jd|`hzlr zo

pdzgh oulr. C po|aj ò dw woon dw zhl w|n wlz.

C wdz on zhl rooe zo{ d`dcn phln cz pdw zpcac`hz dnj zhl whdjopw hdj goulrlj fowz oe zhl

zopn. Fs jd|`hzlr pdw i|wz zdmcn` hlr {caaw b|z whl pdw go|`hcn` ucoalnzas. C w{rdn` zo fs ellz

dnj plnz zo hlr pcnjop cn onl eadwh. Hop wdj cz fdjl fl ella zhdz whl pdw jscn`.

Oh! Gsnzhcd! ce onas C go|aj hdul jclj bleorl so|. Fs jldr! jldr jd|`hzlr C aoul so|

wo. C wdcj zo fswlae.

GsnzhcdPlaa C jo blaclul zhdz C hdul eo|nj fs woa|zcon. Ncgm wdcj erof blhcnj fl. C

wzdrzlj. Czw blln d aon` zcfl wcngl dnsonlwwzdrzalj fl. B|z hop jcj hl eoaaop fl hlrl. C jcjnz

luln wlnwl hcf.

So| who|ajnz bl hlrl! Ncgm.

Oh! b|z C zhcnm C who|aj.Blgd|wl ce C pdwnz! C po|aj hdul nlulr mnopn zhdz so| wzcaa

hdul d aoulj onl. Woflonl pho C po|aj aoul zo mcaa eor d glrzdcn wlgrlz so|rl mll{cn`.


11/12

Ecnl! Caa zlaa so|. Cf noz òcn` zo rcwm fs jd|`hzlrw acel eor d j|fb wlgrlz. Daa

so| hdul zo jo cw fdml zhl {lrwon jrcnm so|r baooj rc`hz bleorl zhls jcl.

So|rl no e|n. B|z hop jo C mnop so|rl zlaacn` zhl zr|zh?

Zlwz cz.

C zhcnm C pcaa. Hl wdcj pczh d jcdboacgda wfcal. Zhln rldacydzcon growwlj fs edgl.

Nc C wzdrzlj zo wds b|z hl pdw ònl. C rdn dezlr hcf wzrdc`hz cnzo zhl n|rwcn`

hofl dnj cnzo fs jd|`hzlrw roof. B|z hl òz d òoj fcaacwlgonj hldj wzdrz dnj zhls

plrl ònl. C cffljcdzlas hldjlj zo hcw fdnwcon. Dnj zhlrl hl pdw.

Phdz zoom so| wo aon`? hl wdcj dw hl zoom |{ hcw wgda{la. Gsnzhcd pdw darldjs

wzrd{{lj onzo hcw `|rnls dnj bs zhl aoomw oe cz! whl pdw |ngonwgco|w.

Phs drl so| jocn` zhcw? C zoaj so| phdz so| pdnzlj zo mnop. Acwzln zo fl

bl``cn` zhcw nlpborn. C pdw zhl onl zhdz grldzlj zhcw fonwzlr. Cf òcn` zo hdul zo mcaa

hcf nop. Zhlrl plrl poojln zhcn`w daa oulr zhcw roof. C pdamlj gaowlr zo hcf waopas

pczh fs hdnjw |{ cn w|rrlnjlr. [aldwl! whlw fs onas jd|`hzlr.

Whlw oaj$ Whl pdw òcn` zo jcl dnspds so| cjcoz. Whl {dwwlj o|z on hlr opn

so| mnop. C jcjnz luln hdul zo hcz hlr. B|z Cf òcn` zo fdml hlr acul eorlulr.

Jonzfdml hlr cnzo d fonwzlr

Phs noz? So| jcj cz zo fl$ C jcjnz hdul d ghocgl.

So| plrl darldjs d fonwzlr. Nop so| i|wz hdul wzrln`zh dnj w{llj. Phs jo so|

pdnz dn oaj adjs udf{crl?


12/12

C jonz zhcw cw i|wz d zlwz. Rlflfblr! so| zoaj fl zo zlwz cz. B|z C jo pdnz zo

hdul wofl e|n ecrwz. Hl wdcj! z|rncn` zhl wgda{la dro|nj cn hcw hdnj.

C joul dz hcf dnj pl elaa zo zhl eaoor. Hl pdw wzron` dnj edwz b|z wo pdw C. Zo dns

h|fdn pdzghcn` pl po|aj bl d ba|r. Hl mcgmlj fl cn zhl ghlwz dnj wlnz fl eascn` cnzo

zhl pdaa. J|wz elaa erof zhl glcacn`. Hl gdfl dz fl pczh zhl wgda{la dnj wzdbblj cz cnzo fs

hldrz. Whcz$ Zhdz h|rz acml hlaa.

Zhdz ponzmcaa fl so| eooa. C wdcj dw C sdnmlj cz o|z oe fs ghlwz. C zhrlp cz dz

hcf. Cz hcz hcf cn zhl who|ajlr. Hl `rodnlj dnj `oz dn`rs. C {|nghlj hcf cn zhl edgl dnj

wlnz hcf rllacn` cnzo d poojln ghdcr. Cz broml cnzo {clglw.

Lno|`h oe zhcw$ pl bozh who|zlj zo`lzhlr. C `rdbblj d wzdml b|z hl pdw edwzlr.

Hl {a|n`lj zhl wzdml cnzo fs hldrz dnj

ZHL LNJ

dead inside and out

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