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© 2008 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved

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Chapter

McGraw-Hill/Irwin

Dealing

with

Conflict

7

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Interpersonal Dynamics

Interpersonal dynamics – are the give and

take behavior between people during human

relations

Interpersonal dynamics grow increasingly

complex as more people interact

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Key Topics of Interpersonal

Dynamics

Transactional

Analysis

Assertiveness

Conflict

Management

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Transactional Analysis (TA)

Method for determining how people interact

When we interact, behavior can be:

passive

aggressive

assertive

Performance is greater with this behavior

TA is a method of understanding behavior in

interpersonal dynamics

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TA: Ego States

Major ego states that affect our behavior or

the way we transact through communication:

Parent Ego State (P)

Critical parent

Sympathetic parent

Child Ego State (C)

Natural child

Adapted child

Adult Ego State (A)

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TA: Types of Transactions

Within ego states there are three different

types of transactions:

Complementary Transactions

Crossed Transactions

Ulterior Transactions

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Complementary Transactions

Occur when the sender

of the message gets the

intended response from

the receiver

Generally result in more

effective communication

Supervisor

P

A

C

P

A

C

Employee

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Crossed Transactions

Occur when the sender

of a message does not

get the expected

response from the

receiver

These result in surprise,

disappointment, and hurt

feelings for the sender of

the message

P

A

C

P

A

C

Supervisor Employee

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Ulterior Transactions

Occur when the words seem to be coming from one ego state, but in reality the words or behaviors are coming from another

Sometimes when people don’t know what they want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they resort to ulterior transactions

Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they tend to waste time

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TA: Life Positions

I’m OK –

You’re not OK

I’m OK –

You’re OK

I’m not OK –

You’re not OK

I’m not OK –

You’re OK

Negative Positive

Attitude toward Others

Att

itu

de

tow

ard

On

esel

f

Negative

Positive

Exhibit 7.1

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TA: Stroking

Stroking – any behavior that implies

recognition of another’s presence

Positive – make people feel good about

themselves

Negative – can hurt people in some way

Giving praise (positive stroking) is a powerful

motivation technique

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Assertiveness

The process of expressing thoughts and feelings while asking for what one wants in an appropriate way

Present your message without falling into the traps of being: “too pushy” (aggressive)

“not tough enough” (nonassertive-passive)

Is becoming more global

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Behaviors when dealing with a

diversity of people:

Passive

Behavior

Aggressive

Behavior

Passive-Aggressive

Behavior

Assertive

Behavior

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Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive

Speakers:

Passive speakers: Use self-limiting qualifying expressions

without stating their position / needs

Assertive speakers: State their position / needs without violating

the rights of others

Aggressive speakers: State their position / needs while violating the

rights of others using “you-messages” and

absolutes

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Assertive Behavior

Generally the most productive behavior

Usually the most effective method of getting

what you want while not taking advantage of

others

Being assertive can create a win-win situation

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Assertiveness Steps

Step 1. Set an Objective:

Specify what you want to accomplish

Step 2. Determine how to create a win-win situation:

Assess the situation in terms of meeting your needs and the other person’s needs

Step 3. Develop an assertive phrase(s)

Step 4. Implement your plan persistently

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Anger and Violence in the

Workplace Human resources managers have reported

increased violence between employees

Women commit nearly 25 percent of all threats or attacks

Violence between outsiders and employees is increasing

1 million workers are assaulted every year

Anger can lead to violence

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Causes of Anger and Violence

Intrapersonal causes:

e.g., frustration, stress, and fear

Interpersonal unresolved conflicts

Physical work environment:

e.g., space to work, noise, odors, temperature,

ventilation, and color

Hostile work environment

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Dealing with Your Anger

Use rational thinking

Look for positives

Look for the humor in the situation to help defuse the anger

Use assertive behavior

Develop a positive attitude about how you deal with anger

Use an anger journal

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Dealing with Anger of Others (1 of 2)

Never make any type of putdown statement

Don’t respond to anger and threats with the

same behavior

Don’t give orders or ultimatums

Watch your nonverbal communication

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Dealing with Anger of Others (2 of 2)

Realize that anger is natural and encourage

people to vent in appropriate ways

Acknowledge the person’s feelings

Get away from the person if necessary

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Signs of Potential Violence

Take verbal threats

seriously

Watch nonverbal

communication

Watch for stalking and

harassment

Watch for damage to

property

• Watch for indications

of alcohol and drug

use

• Include the isolated

employee

• Look for the presence

of weapons or objects

that might be used as

weapons

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Organizational Prevention of

Violence (1 of 2)

Train all employees to deal with anger and

prevent violence

A written policy addressing workplace violence

Best preventive policy is a zero-tolerance policy

Quick disciplinary action against employees

who are violent at work

Managers need to avoid using aggression at

work

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Organizational Prevention of

Violence (2 of 2)

Organizations can screen job applicants for

past or potential violence

Develop a good work environment that

addresses the issues as causes of violence

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Individual Prevention of Violence

Look for escalating frustration and anger to

defuse the situation before it becomes violent

Never be alone with a potentially violent

person

Never stand between the person and the exit

Know when to get away from the person

Be aware of the organization’s policy for

calling in security help

Report any troubling incidents to security staff

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Conflict

Exists whenever two or more parties are in

disagreement

Is inherent in an organizational system

Can increase as the workforce becomes

more diverse

Dealing with it is part of emotional

intelligence

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Reasons for Conflict

Communications problems or conflicts arise

for three primary reasons:

1. We fail to make our expectations known to

other parties

2. We fail to find out the expectations of other

parties

3. We assume that the other parties have the

same expectations that we have

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Conflict Has Benefits

Conflict can be beneficial

A balance of conflict is essential to all organizations

Too little or too much conflict is usually considered a sign of management’s unwillingness or inability to adapt to a diversified environment

Conflict can lead to improved performance, for example: Challenging present methods

Presenting innovative change

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Conflict Management Styles

Exhibit 7.4

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Summary of Conflict Management

Styles

Forcing Conflict Style: User attempts to resolve conflict by using aggressive

behavior

Avoiding Conflict Style: User attempts to passively ignore the conflict rather

than resolve it

Accommodating Conflict

Style:

User attempts to resolve conflict by passively giving

in to the other party

Compromising Conflict

Style:

User attempts to resolve the conflict through

assertive give-and-take concessions

Collaborating Conflict

Style:

User assertively attempts to jointly resolve the

conflict with the best solution agreeable to all parties.

The problem-solving style

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Roles in Conflict Resolution

Initiator

Responder

Mediator

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Initiating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Plan to maintain ownership of the

problem using the XYZ model

Step 2. Implement your plan persistently

Step 3. Make an agreement for change

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The XYZ Model

The XYZ model describes a problem in

terms of behavior, consequences, and

feelings:

“When you do X (behavior),

Y (consequences) happens,

and I have Z (feelings).”

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Responding to Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Listen to and paraphrase the problem

using the XYZ model

Step 2. Agree with some aspect of the

complaint

Step 3. Ask for, and / or give, alternative

solutions

Step 4. Make an agreement for change

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Mediating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Have each party state his or her

complaint using the XYZ model

Step 2. Agree on the problem(s)

Step 3. Develop alternative solutions

Step 4. Make an agreement for change and

follow up

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Interpersonal Dynamics Styles

Exhibit 7.6

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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (1 of 3)

People with the same personality type tend to

get along better and have less conflict than

those with different personality types

If you have a high surgency personality –

watch your use of the critical parent ego state

be sure to give lots of positive strokes to help

human relations

be careful not to use aggressive behavior to get

what you want

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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (2 of 3)

If you have a high agreeableness personality,

you tend to get along well with others

be careful not to use the sympathetic parent ego

state

watch the appropriate use of the child ego state

Adjustment – is about how well you deal

with your emotions

especially anger

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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (3 of 3)

There is a relationship between adjustment

and openness to experience

If you are not well adjusted, you are probably not

open to experience

If you are a high conscientious personality,

you can still transact from the parent or child

ego state