The Exchange of Self and OthersDezhung Rinpoche

(from "The Three Levels of Spiritual Perception", Ch. 34 & 35)

One who wishes to attain enlightenment quickly must definitely undertake this practice of the exchange of self and others. Rather than spending many lifetimes - or even aeons - in the pursuit of buddhahood, it becomes possible to attain it in a very short period of time merely by emphasizing this meditation. As Acharya Shantideva wrote:

One who wishes quickly to remove his own and others' sufferings and establish them in happiness should diligently practice this holiest secret of the Buddha's religion, this meditation of exchanging self for others.

But, you might wonder, isn't it possible to attain buddhahood if one merely practices the meditation of the sameness of self and others? Here the answer is no, because, as Shantideva also says, "Unless one exchanges self for others, one cannot attain buddhahood."

The point of these verses is that unless you are willing to exchange your own happiness for the sufferings of others, it is not possible to attain total enlightenment. The reason is that developing the qualities of the state of enlightenment depends to a great extent on your relationship with other beings. It is only through reflecting, concentrating, and focusing on our sense of relationship with beings such as parents, relatives, friends, loved ones, and so forth that we are able to cultivate any of the mental states of love, compassion, and empathy out of which bodhichitta can then arise.

Also, beings are one of the two objectified fields whereby we can developing the insights and spiritual qualities that will enable us to attain enlightenment. First, we can accrue merit by promoting a relationship between ourselves and pure objects - namely, the buddhas and bodhisattvas. By making offerings to the enlightened ones, whether they need them or not - by showing respect for them, following their instructions, and accomplishing their works - we can accrue merit. The second way to accrue merit is by relying on ordinary beings who are in need of help, protection, giving, and the like.

Relying on beings, we can accrue a vast store of merit that will enable us to attain enlightenment, and thereby the Body of Buddhahood (sambhogakaya). Hence, whether we act in reference to enlightened ones or unenlightened beings, the merit that we acquire is equally valid and becomes a cause of attaining buddhahood. The same is true of the qualities of compassion: we cannot attain buddhahood without having first developed great compassion, and this can only be done in terms of other beings.

Further, we must keep in mind the teachings that all beings without exception have at one time or another been as close to us as our own parents. This means that all beings (whether born from a womb, miraculously born, born from an egg, or born from sweat) must be considered to be just as close to us in intimate, personal relationship as if they were still our own kindly mother. It is very important that you have such an intimate sense of relationship to all beings and recognize all the kindnesses they have bestowed upon you since beginningless time. With a very sincere, wholehearted mind, you should visualize, wish, and pray that all the unhappiness, suffering, illness, and causes of illness that they face ripen to you alone.

In exchange, turn over whatever present or future happiness you may have accumulated, however temporary or slight, unreservedly to all beings who are suffering. Visualize this exchange. Wish and pray, with a mind filled with great longing, that those beings might truly experience your happiness, well-being, and prospects of future well-being, and that they might become totally free from the suffering, causes of suffering, and prospects of suffering with which they are now encumbered. It is very important that you perform this exchange of your happiness for others' suffering with a mind filled with longing that other beings might really be free from suffering and established in happiness.

If you are not willing to exchange your own sense of well-being and good karma for suffering and unhappiness, it will not be possible for you to attain buddhahood. You simply cannot attain enlightenment without being willing to sacrifice your happiness in order to remove the sufferings of others. The alternative is to cling to you own well-being, in effect wishing forth your own happiness and permitting the prospect of suffering for others. With this kind of self-centeredness, you will not attain happiness on the samsaric level, let alone an exalted state like perfect enlightenment. Therefore, knowing that beings are close to us and that their happiness, can be achieved, and realizing that our own enlightenment depends on our willingness to exchange self and others, we should definitely undertake to practice this meditation.

Reflect how, from beginningless time, we have accumulated only wretchedness as a result of our unwillingness to wish happiness for others. By our insistence on seeking our own happiness alone, we have achieved only the countless accumulations of bad karma that are still with us. As a result, we haven't been able to achieve happiness in worldly existence, let alone move any closer to liberation. Since the nature of samsara is one of suffering, worldly existence is constantly linked to the experience of mental and physical pain. It will definitely be impossible for us to achieve real joy or well-being in the world as long as we insist on making our own interests and happiness paramount. As Shantideva wrote:

By wishing for one's own exaltation, one reaps humiliation instead, but by wishing for exaltation for others, one becomes exalted as a result.

Indeed, as the verse says:

If one misuses others for the sake of one's own interests, one will consequently experience the pains of the lower realms in future births.

Instead of achieving one's aims of self-exaltation, one will be reborn either as a servant to others or, depending on one's misdeeds, in the midst of the hell realms, ghost realms, or animal realms. Even if one is reborn in the human realm, one will be handicapped by afflictions, such as deafness and the like.

However, if one serves others, seeking their exaltation rather than one's own, one will be reborn as a king, as a ruler or leader of men, or even in the gods' realms. Again, as Shantideva tells us:

Through using others as servants one reaps servitude, but through serving others one reaps mastery over others.

If one exploits other beings, putting them to work to further one's own selfish aims, then in the next life one will be reborn as a lowly servant, forced to execute the will of other beings. But if one puts aside one's own interest and serves others, one will be reborn in a situation where one is honored and exalted as a leader of beings.

The Bodhicharyavatara continues:

If all the unhappiness of this world arises from this great demon of egotism, why then do we cling fast to it?

As this verse tells us, the belief in a self is truly at the root of all worldly sufferings. All mental and physical pains have their origins in this deluded belief in an independently existing ego. When the mind fails to perceive its true nature and develops habitual attachment to the five skandhas, it proceeds to apprehend its experience in terms of self and other. As a result of this dualistic perception of experience, negative mental states of desire, aversion, and indifference are spawned. All actions that proceed from these states must by their very nature be negative, and their consequences painful. In this way the whole of samsaric existence is said to be painful by its very nature.

Thus the deluded belief in a self is rightly said to be the source of all unhappiness in this world. Accordingly, there can be no more harmful being, no more malevolent demon, no greater enemy than this very belief in a self. How is it that we still cherish, nourish, indulge, and act upon egotism, despite realizing that it is always the source of misery?

As long as you cling to the belief in a self, you will necessarily undergo suffering and be unable to achieve happiness in this life or any future life, much less be able to attain any kind of liberation. There is no way to attain liberation from worldly existence as long as that goal is sought for the self or through methods that merely reinforce the belief in a self. Nor is there any way to achieve the happiness that everyone seeks as long as the belief in a self is not relinquished, because when you interact with other beings from the standpoint of "I," or self, you inevitably come into conflict with them. Through attachment to your own interests - your sense of identity and attachment to your own circle of family and friends - you will experience only pain.

As a result of cherishing and acting on the premise of a truly existent self, the world as a whole spends its time in useless quarrels, attachments, relationships, and efforts that only increase the unhappiness of everyone involved. In contrast, through mindfulness of the true relationship between yourself and other beings, you will obtain both temporary and final benefits. In this very life, you will obtain the ripening results of happiness, good fortune, good health, and long life, while ultimately you will obtain the joy and bliss of liberation as an arhat, a pratyekabuddha, or a perfectly enlightened buddha.

When you do recognize all beings as your own dear parents, realizing that it is through your relationship to them that you are able to develop the enlightening qualities of a bodhisattva (i.e., great love, great compassion, and bodhichitta), then you have the right attitude toward, and insight about, beings. With those changes truly made in your mind, the quality of your actions will be superior, whatever you may undertake - whether study, reflection, or meditation. (Here "study" includes all attempts to comprehend both the sutras and tantras, whether this understanding is acquired through asking a qualified teacher or through personal efforts at reading.)

We will also acquire merit through the practice of moral conduct - abandoning the ten kinds of unwholesome actions and practicing their opposites. Such virtues include those derived by sincerely pondering the doctrines, principles, and precepts that we have studied and understood, thereby integrating them into our own perspective on ourselves and the world. Whatever virtues we might accrue through meditative practice are enhanced as well.

Thus any and all virtues acquired through moral conduct, study, reflection, and meditation are directed toward, and effectively ripen in, the attainment of enlightenment, provided they are practiced with a mind filled with chis exchange of self for ochers. Actions performed without this antidote to belief in a self only become the cause of increased egotism, for they are devoid of virtue and cannot become a cause either of happiness or of the cessation of suffering. Rather, they become a cause for increasing pride in our own cleverness, learning, virtue, ability in meditation, and so on - and even a cause of envy toward others who have developed these qualities. Although such actions may appear to be quite virtuous, if they are devoid of this spirit of exchanging self for others, they do not become a cause of enlightenment.

The Bodhicharyavatara continues to speak of how important exchanging self and ochers is for those who rightly undertake and accomplish efforts in moral conduct, study, contemplation, and meditation. When this exchange is present we are able to attain liberation, whereas when it is absent we cannot.

You may wonder whether you will be able to practice chis exchange of self and others, for fear of not being able to bear the sufferings of other beings. There is no reason to worry about this. It may be true that you would not be able to bear the sufferings of all other beings if that mass of suffering were suddenly to befall you as a result of meditating in this way. But this is not the way it happens. You need not fear that the sufferings of other beings can actually be transferred to you simply by your wishing it so. Karma is not transferable in this way. However, by praying, meditating, and wishing for the exchange of self and others, your mind does become able to identify with the sufferings of others, their happiness and joys, their wish for happiness and desire to be free from pain.

When this occurs, you are ready to make the switch from being concerned only with your own selfish interests to becoming concerned with the interests of others instead. Then, out of your concern for others, it does gradually become possible for you to give up your life, happiness, and belongings to promote their well-being and enlightenment. In this very gradual manner, your mind learns to care for others and, finally, to make their well-being. more important than your own. You have, in a sense, exchanged self for others - at the very least, you have certainly exchanged self-interest for others' interests.

Through training in the exchange of self and others, you become able to undertake the bodhisattva practices, training in the six perfections. Here, too, your ability develops gradually. In the beginning, as the Bodhicharyavatara tells us, one is only able to give away vegetables and small gifts, whereas later one is able to give away that which is held most dear: one's children, one's wife or husband, even one's own limbs and life. Through training in the small, easier steps, you become able to perform great moral and spiritual deeds. The result is that you eventually attain buddhahood.

As the Bodhicharyavatara also tells us, even if you cannot believe this to be true, you should still undertake these practices. By the undeceiving words of the Enlightened One, you will see for yourself the truly great result of practicing this simple exchange of self and others. You should definitely undertake to exchange self and others, and also train in giving and the other perfections while keeping in mind the spirit of exchange. By doing so, you will experience truly wondrous spiritual results, both in this world and in the next. As surety for this, we have the undeceiving words of Lord Buddha himself, who was endowed with omniscience of things as they really are and who, through his great compassion, could not possibly think of harming beings by misrepresenting the truth. The Buddha's own enlightened words assure us that the results of this exchange of self and others are truly extraordinary and worthwhile.

Furthermore, as we have already mentioned, the sages act only for others' benefit, whereas ordinary folk act only for their own. And look at the difference: worldlings seek their own gain and act against the benefit of others, only to accumulate suffering and the causes of continued wandering on the round of birth and death, whereas sages act for the good of others and enjoy the great bliss of liberation and the perfection of the enlightened ones. Reflecting on this, you should develop enthusiasm toward, and diligence in, practicing the meditation of exchanging self and others.

The power of this exchange is illustrated in a story from the Tales of the Wise and the Foolish (Damamuka-sutra), which tells of a former incarnation of the bodhisattva who was to become Shakyamuni Buddha. In that life, the bodhisattva had been reborn as a hell being as a result of the ripening of former evil actions. He was yoked with a companion and forced to pull wagons, goaded on by fierce and heartless guardians of hell. Both he and his companion, Kamarupa, were experiencing intense, unbearable pains both mentally and physically. Even though they were unable to bear the pain or perform the work, they were forced on constantly by their heartless driver. When the bodhisattva saw that his companion was even weaker than he and was receiving most of their driver's blows, he felt pity and said to the driver, "Please leave him alone; he is unable to pull the cart any farther. I will pull it for him."

The guardian of hell became enraged and began to beat the bodhisattva fiercely, saying that every being must experience the ripening of his own karma and that no one could experience it for him. He picked up a huge club and beat the bodhisattva about the head so fiercely that he died on the spot, only to be instantly reborn in a gods realm, among bodhisattvas and deities devoted to the holy Dharma.

This tale was recounted by the Buddha as an example of the great power of pity and the resolve to take upon oneself the burdens of others.

Having established that there is great benefit in the thought of exchanging self for others, we are led to inquire about the method for practicing this exchange. This is to be done through meditation. After taking refuge and developing the meditations of great love and great compassion, focus on your own mother, since she has 'been most kind to you both in this life and in the past, and you naturally have great feelings of affection for her and great concern for her happiness.

Visualize your mother as if she were clearly before you and meditate that all her suffering and causes of suffering might not be experienced by her. Instead, pray that they might be experienced by you alone in her place. As you pray sincerely from the heart, visualize that all her pain lifts from her like a dark cloud and is absorbed into your own heart, so that she is instantly and totally free from all suffering. As you meditate, rejoice that your mother has become freed from such pain.

Then visualize and pray that all your own happiness and causes of happiness are turned over to this kind mother of yours. Think that all your virtue and happiness are transferred to her in the form of a cloud of white light. As it is absorbed into her heart, she is filled in both body and mind with great, pure happiness and well-being. Then meditate with a sense of joy that you have been able to establish her in happiness.

After you have practiced with your mother until the meditation has become easy and natural, meditate in the same way toward your father, toward friends and relatives, toward strangers, and finally toward enemies and all beings without exception. Meditating on them all in the same way,

you will develop a mind willing to take away their sufferings in exchange for your own happiness.

Next are the actual instructions for what you should be thinking in this meditation itself. As before, focus your mind on your own dear mother and think as follows:

Alas! This is my kind mother, who has so often in this life protected me from discomfort, pain, fear, and danger. She would have given her own life for me. In so many ways she has nourished me, promoted my interests and well-being, and done all that she could to bring about my happiness and advantage. Yet this poor mother of mine has not achieved happiness for herself. Being subject to belief in the self, which is like a demon, and to the negative mental states of desire, hatred, and delusion that afflict us all, she experiences many kinds of unhappiness in body and mind. She also has the cause of future suffering. If only she were free from this suffering and prospect of suffering.

To free her from that suffering, I would do anything. I will definitely strive for and attain enlightenment in order to gain the ability to free her from all these sufferings and causes of suffering.

Thus far in this life, I have only acted selfishly, for my own pleasure and happiness, disregarding the sufferings of my mother. But from now on, I resolve to overcome the demon of die self and meditate, strive for enlightenment, and attain it in order to free this kind mother from her sufferings and establish her in happiness.

May the sufferings and causes of suffering that afflict this kind mother of mine truly ripen to me, including all negative mental states, the mistaken belief in a self, all the wrong actions she has accumulated through ignorance, and all the other negative states and possibilities of negative, painful experiences. May she never experience them, but may I instead experience them for her.

Pray very intensely, again and again, in this manner; Then visualize that the mass of ignorance, delusion, suffering, and causes of suffering that afflicts your kind mother rises from her in the form of black light and descends to become absorbed into your own heart and consciousness. Think that she is now totally free from all those pains and causes of pain and that, as they are absorbed into your consciousness, your own mind becomes free of all clinging, self-centeredness, and selfish desire to act only for your own happiness.

The belief in a self is, as we have stressed, always the root of all ignorance itself, and consequently the root of all suffering and the causes of suffering. The notion of a self is the demon, the villain, the enemy of happiness, and it must definitely be overcome through insight. It can be overcome by insight when we perceive that there is no object that corresponds to our notion of a self. The notion of a self where there is no self is like that of a snake where there is no snake but only a coiled piece of rope. There never was a snake but only a misapprehension that caused us to act erroneously; so, too; there never was a self, although belief in a self causes us to act in harmful ways that create. suffering for ourselves and others.

When we search for the self, we cannot find it. If there is such a thing as a personal identity, it must correspond to our personal name, body, or consciousness. Yet when we examine each of these, we see that it does not exist in any of them. Name is not our personal identity because it is merely a sound, a label given us by our parents. The body is not the self because if it were, and

we should die tomorrow, the self would have been destroyed, yet those who believe in a self believe that it continues after death. Consciousness or mind is also not the self because consciousness is momentary, as the Bodhicharyavatara tells us, and changes from instant to instant: our thoughts of this morning are not the same as they were at noon, nor are those at noon the same as they are in the evening. Because consciousness constantly arises and passes away, we cannot say that it constitutes a self; if this were so, there would be many selves arising and passing away in each instant.

You may ask, how does the self exist? The answer is that it doesn't exist at all. There is no existent object that corresponds to our notion of self, just as there was no snake there when we thought one existed.

Realizing this, meditate on removing the sufferings of your mother and establishing her in happiness. Visualize yourself giving her all the happiness and causes of happiness that you yourself have accumulated, may presently enjoy, or hope to enjoy in the future. Without any reluctance whatsoever, freely turn them all over to this kind mother of yours. As you do this, visualize that all your virtue and happiness arise from your heart like a cloud of white light or like a sudden dawn, when the rays of the sun first appear and bring instant joy to the beholder. This cloud of white light is then absorbed into your mother's consciousness, whereupon she immediately experiences total happiness in body and mind, freedom from all suffering and its causes, and pure joy.

Your intention is to establish your mother in happiness in every way, both temporary happiness, so long as she is in samsara, and ultimate happiness, the perfect joy of total enlightenment. Therefore visualize that, in exchange for her sorrows, you are turning over to her all the happiness, virtue, wisdom, compassion, and bodhisattva qualities that will bring her the great bliss of buddhahood.

We have completed our studies of the impure vision, which is all about cause and effect, or karma, the unsatisfactory condition of samsara, and appreciating the fact that we have all the right opportunities for practicing the Dharma. Now we are studying the teachings on the meditational experiences. We have covered those on compassion and are discussing giving all your benefits and merits to other sentient beings and taking on their problems. We have covered the quotes from the sutras and other classical sources and have come to the point of actually meditating on this particular teaching.

You may well want to know how actually to assume this way of thinking. The Bodhicharyavatara states:

Thus, to make my own suffering and also the suffering of others subside, I put myself in the place of others and hold in my mind the thought of others.

In other words, you give up thinking only of yourself and your own desires because that leads you farther into samsara. Instead, you try to think constantly of other sentient beings rather than yourself. You think in this manner no matter what you do or how you do it. This is the teaching that will help you develop the compassion and good-heartedness of a bodhisattva.

We all know how difficult it seems to be to have great compassion and great love for all sentient beings. Indeed, this perceived difficulty is nothing new. A long time ago, there was a lama called Pupalo; who was not only a great lama but the incarnation of other great bodhisattvas as well. In trying to teach compassion to his students, he realized that it was very difficult for them really to comprehend it. A woman who was his student was having trouble understanding exactly how to

develop compassion, so Pupalo suggested that she think about her son. Obviously, she was always trying to help her son, protect him from any kind of danger, and give him whatever she could. Pupalo told her, "First, concentrate on your son. Recognize your own compassion for him, then take that same feeling and transfer it to other beings. Slowly you will become able to understand the meaning of compassion." The woman was, of course, able to relate to that idea. Pupalo thought that was good, because if she truly understood the exchange of self and others, she would be able to attain buddhahood quickly.

Similarly, it is easy for us to have a great deal of affection for our mothers. We know everything they have gone through for us and love them very much. When practicing the meditation of exchanging self and others, first visualize your mother. When you can understand compassion in that context, think about your father and then your friends, gradually expanding your thoughts to include all sentient beings.

We care very much for our mothers because they gave us the bodies we have. If you didn't have this body and this particular situation, how could you be practicing Dharma or doing anything at all? You really owe your mother quite a lot. Thus you want to get rid of all her problems, troubles, and sufferings and help her as much as possible.

First of all, while you are meditating, make the very firm resolve that you are definitely going to do something to help your mother dispel her problems and receive great benefits. Once you have done this, the first question is, What are your mother's problems?

Basically, the very essence of the Buddhist teachings is the Four Noble Truths: the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the path, and the truth of cessation. The first two state the basic problems that we have. The first, the truth of suffering, is evident both in mental pain, which results from our constantly grasping at things and attaching desire or aversion to them, and in physical pain, which we all experience when we fall ill or have physical problems of one sort or another. This manifest suffering of body and mind is what is known as the truth of suffering.

The second truth, which is more subtle, is the source of suffering. This consists, basically, of two things: (1) karma, or actions, that you perform specifically, your wrong actions, and (2) your emotions and passions, which are constantly getting you into trouble. These two situations cause a continuum of suffering to arise.

While you are meditating, think about all this manifest suffering and about the causes of suffering that your mother has to endure, and wish that they may all fall upon you instead of your mother. Then visualize that you are experiencing all your mother's problems and taking all their causes on yourself. If you are able to experience that feeling, you should be pleased, because it is the purpose of this meditation to accomplish just that.

Keep thinking, over and over again, that all these problems are coming to you alone. In other words, give up all care for your own welfare, which has only caused you to remain in samsara anyway and think only in terms of your mother, not in terms of your own benefit at all.

After you have visualized that for a while, think about what could possibly help your mother. What would help in terms of manifest feelings? If she felt bliss or happiness, would that be beneficial? In terms of cause, it would be very good if she were to engage only in meritorious actions, thoughts, and speech instead of producing bad karma and emotional problems. Now imagine that all this bliss and all these meritorious actions actually do come to your mother: imagine whatever happiness and merit you have accumulated being sent to her, that her body and

mind are very, very happy, that she is blissful and possesses a great store of merit. If all this were really to occur, you yourself would be very happy, so if you can visualize it happening, you will have a feeling of happiness and satisfaction at the end.

Once you have done this for your mother, you can slowly start to do the same for your father, friends, enemies, and all sentient beings.

What we have just studied is the rationale behind the whole meditation on the exchange of self for others. Now we will explain what you should be thinking to yourself when you actually meditate. First, clearly visualize what your mother looks like - her face, her coloring, and so forth. Then say to yourself:

I really love my mother very much; she is the person who gave me this body capable of accomplishing enlightenment, which is a very precious thing. I must protect her from any kind of danger, fear, or problem. If I could somehow accomplish immeasurable benefit and happiness for her, it would be extremely good. Ever since I have been wandering in samsara, my mother has been protecting me with limitless great compassion. By doing so much for me, she herself has had to go through samsara, which is very unfortunate.

Now, in order to help my mother, I must attain the stage of total enlightenment. Everything I have done only for myself has been a great error on my part. My life is very short and everything is uncertain, but I must control the demon of caring only for self, holding onto the notion of a self, and always thinking selfishly about everything. I must discard all these selfish thoughts and practice the Dharma for the benefit of my very kind mother.

What is it that is bothering my mother? It is suffering and the causes of suffering. I will now try to take upon myself all these sufferings of my kind mother, that they may ripen for me instead.

When you are able to meditate in this way, you can be very pleased with yourself.

Next, think that the very notion of yourself as an individual ego is an illusion. Like realizing that what you thought was a snake lying in the shadows is merely a coil of rope, recognize that you are not a real, solid, individual ego that stands by itself but just an illusion caused by your own bad karma and ignorance. Wake up and see that your self and all of this "reality'' are without basis. Rid yourself of that illusory frame of mind. Again think:

What would help my mother? If she were to have happiness and the causes of happiness, that would help her. Therefore, may she have all my own happiness and causes of happiness. Everything that I have, may she have it. May all my own bliss and causes of happiness, all my own merit, ripen for my mother instead of me.

Actually say this out loud to yourself. Visualize that light as radiant as the sun's is shining forth from your heart and that all your merit, which is in the form of light, instantly travels from your heart into your mother's. As a result, your mother makes use of all this merit, becomes very happy, and has all the right circumstances for practicing the Dharma - such as a teacher, a good place to meditate, good health, and enough to eat - so that she is able to do something worthwhile. Then visualize that all her bad karma, unhappiness, and misdeeds travel from her in the form of black light and merge into you. Visualize this as much as you can.

Thus this exchange has two parts: (a) the sending, or giving away, of your own merit, and (b) the taking in of your mother's misdeeds and unhappiness. Your meditation cannot be casual; you must do it with all your might, putting your whole heart into it. Sit for a while, and visualize and experience what we have just described.

After you have done this for some time, expand the meditation to include your father, friends, enemies, and all sentient beings. Visualize the six classes of sentient beings and think about all their great sufferings. Eventually, you will have tremendous compassion for all their problems, and will decide for all their sakes that you are definitely going to reach the stage of buddhahood. Practice this twofold meditation for all sentient beings.

Also, remember that there are two types of bodhichitta, relative and absolute. In this practice, relative bodhichitta is generated on behalf of all sentient beings, your mother, yourself, and all the states of mind we have been discussing. This bodhichitta is called relative because in reality none of these factors actually exists - neither the beings whose sufferings you want to exchange for your own happiness, nor the person who is helping them (you), nor the "actual" sufferings themselves, nor your own happiness, merit, or any of the rest. It is not easy for us to understand this truth, so, in the relative sense, we nevertheless generate tremendous compassion for beings and vow to attain buddhahood for their sakes.

After thinking all this, share all the merit that you have accumulated in doing so.

This is the actual visualization and meditation of the exchange of self and others, which is now complete. Afterward, continue this practice in all your daily activities; to do so is to follow what is called "the path of activity."

Always keep in mind your basic viewpoint of compassion toward all sentient beings. You can say these two lines to yourself:

May all the suffering of all sentient beings fall upon me, and may all sentient beings have any good points or merit that I might possess.

By saying this to yourself, you will constantly be making great efforts to help sentient beings through what are called the Three Doors - i.e., the three ways of manifesting whatever you are doing through body, speech, and mind. With your body, you can do religious practices, like prostrations, or physically help sentient beings. With your speech, you can pray or say good things, like the two lines just mentioned. And with your mind, you can think constantly about all sentient beings in the universe.

If at any point you again become very attached to yourself, falling in love with yourself and thinking only about yourself, try to realize that this has happened hundreds of thousands of times before, and that it is the whole reason you have been in samsara from beginningless time, constantly turning the wheel of the rat race. As the Bodhicharyavatara says:

You must realize this to be your basic enemy. Therefore you should totally destroy all selfish, egotistical, one-pointed thinking.