did i say i love you... final copy2

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  • 7/28/2019 Did i Say i Love You... Final Copy2


    This book is for all the boys and

    girl who got aquiver of smile

    matters more than your love . This is my story (A

    true story) for a girl . I started to write this

    because I didnt know a better way to propose

    her. My friends made it into a book and now its in

    your hand published and all done. Credits to all

    my publishers and my editors Savitha and


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    This page is dedicated to

    The women who made me write

    *An awesome women indeed.

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    #1 The Introduction

    #2 The pages of love

    #3 Explanation of love

    #4 The worst holidays

    #5 Ideas of love (Guys never try mine!!)

    #6 A caf time

    #7 Facing the death

    #8 The dream

    #9 Weeks by weeks

    #10 Now what??Some more weeks

    #11 Eighth week

    #12 The endingStory ends!

    Till this it's from Sundars point of view

    From here my twist starts these chapters are from

    Niharika and Avanthikas point of view seeing

    Sundar as a friend and a guy who loved deeply...

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    #13My view(Niharika)

    #14 Avantikas view

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    Sid thinks he finds the missing puzzle piece

    when he first met avantika then times

    changed this story moves around avantika

    and sid taking some hard turns in their life

    avantika is sid love of life.

    I found ma missing puzzle pic

    Sid thinks this way when he meets avantika

    gets to know her and starts falling for her

    slowly and finally deeply this can ever beand he is still happy even if this didnt work

    out for both in the way he planned his life

    will do for him. Read the story for yourself


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    Chapter 1- The introduction

    Things about her I had always been the mature

    lover that too with moon even now after many

    years I stuck on to my routine of admiring moon.

    Looking at me someone would defiantly think I am a

    lunatic but, the full moon day is always something

    special for me!

    Always remained me (or) brings back my teen-age

    days which had more of Avanthika than me. Thissingle name Avanthika brings me thousand

    memories of a wonderful girl into my mind I may

    have not walked with hands joined together in the

    warm sun shine and a few drops on rain but I

    consider mine as the purest form of love!! I havenot seen her for the past 10 years of my life .Still, I

    havent had a peaceful sleep without her face in my

    dreams I still remember the day when I saw her .

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    She was clad in a chudi with a perfect pony-tail and

    with the kohl in her spark brown eyes! Which can

    make any guys blush!!??? (I know guys dont blush)

    And her lips were exceptionally beautiful quoting

    Justin Biebers lines

    Her lips ma biggest sweetness

    I dont think it ever needs lip gloss in her life! Andher earring was the thing which I love the most

    those, rings make her look more expressive I think

    I fell in love with those full moon nights!! After

    seeing her face I have pronounced her name over

    thousand times. still I skip a beat when I hear hername I think its the most beautiful name which I

    have ever heard!! And doubt is there a name in this

    whole world than her's more over I dont want to

    know that either. I think a dictionary go out of

    words while describing her. As, she is way aheadbeautiful than describing. My only memory of her

    was a pen which she used (which I would never loss

    at many movement of my life) my routine begins

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    from now. I would look at her photo and, would

    think what she would do? Would she even

    remember a looser called Sid!! (Yeah guys! Myname is siddhart) who is still madly in love with her

    for 14 years! Usually. In the morning I would find

    few emotional tears rolling over my cheeks at least

    my tears are blessed enough as it drops out for a

    person I love. Who has been so special to me! Evennow still she is! A person should make a persons

    counterpart happy not the other way around! I

    know I can never give her that happiness

    sometimes its better to be away from the person

    whom you cant see shedding tears. I dont want tosee her unhappy. not her cute eyes shedding tears

    for me. Out of all weirdest things that in the past

    fourteen years have never had guts to propose her

    moreover I have never felt that urgency to do so... I

    think it is something which needs to be felt in whichmy dreams

    Every memory of her is beautiful

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    Everything which remains me of her is more


    #2 the pages of love

    Every time I see her I get the happiness every guy

    would get after his first shave. My best buddy at

    school was Johnny boy- I dont intend togive cheesy intro to him as we guys never glorify

    our guy friends. Like every others I was addicted to

    the facebook

    I faced it most of the time just to see Avanthika on-

    line whenever I see.. Green light in her profile I

    feel the moments of my life .She looks more

    ravishing every time than my previous memory of

    her. She has a fair face, sparky brown eyes-which

    burnt me burnt me alive, sharp nose and her lips

    which never needs gloss I feel

    like liking it whenever I see! yak, as a trained pet I

    fell in love with that angel again again(as if I

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    stopped loving her?! which is no

    way possible!) in my part of the country it was

    considered a sin if one doesn't attend tuition classesfor 10th board exams , following the

    suit I did the same(that implies I can no longer be

    regular to my cricket academy) though I was un-

    happy about it. But ,my tuition classes offered

    something great which it was on 3rd of June, thefirst time I had to look into the dictionary searching

    for words to describe "Avanthika"-'beautiful' was

    not the right word-it was an understatement, I

    cursed my over vocabulary as well as the English

    language for the lack of words to describe her . Shewas the topper in everything on the other to be

    frank I was a zero in everything. She was the

    captain of the basketball team looking at her

    tapping the ball made me wish I were a ball. Every

    time I see her I get the happiness that cricket cannever do! Yes, you have guessed it right

    "Avanthika" and I were in the same tuition- I made

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    it a point to travel 5 km to study(!!!) in the same


    #3 the explanation of love

    Avanthika is 5.10 and she already looks like the

    upcoming MISS WORLD even in her school

    uniform(at least to my eyes!). I stand around 6.1

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    accented tone. I grabbed the copies from her

    hand(bit harsh) and said `Hmm' this was the end of

    my first ever conversation(!!!!!) though, one sided

    conversation. Only after a few minutes I realized

    that I had neither thanked her nor asked how much

    does it costs. I asked myself why had she chosen

    me????( The answer is quite obvious that I am the

    only guy from her class).

    This is the first time I ever lovedmy name `Siddharth' she gave an extra stress while

    pronouncing `d' and I loved this. I got back to my

    senses and ran and told her . I called her `Avanthika'

    (This is the first time I had ever called her real

    though I do that over 1000 times a day in my

    mind). She turned and said Rs:100 siddhath Iguess you where bit-pre occupied and flashed a

    cozy smile.. NO BODY CAN SMILE AS CUTE AS

    HER(At least to my eyes) I said my trade mark

    `Hmm' she said k,bye its getting late... I stood

    in the same place for over 10 minutes in peace, and

    I finally realized that I had stricken a REAL

    Conversation that too with the girl to whom I lost

    myself even before knowing her name. I was

    extremely happy and slept with a smile on my face.

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    As usual she knocked my doors in dream..... EVEN



    #4 Worst holidays

    These lines came out during vacation.... The

    loneliness in me converted me to do something

    which I didn't even knew that I can. I ventured it

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    writing what came into my mind. I was just trying

    to express my love to her of course I never had theguts to say this to her. This is my first ever poem..

    "My day makes me an idler by dragging

    My night is neither happy nor sad!

    I wish night to be 17hrs and day to be 7 hrs tokill my day and lead a life with her in my dream"

    Is it good?

    It may appeal as a prank to others. But, its not to

    me as it is my first verses being dedicated

    to Avanthika. I know my vocabulary is short of

    words to describe her. If, any other person who have

    crush on Avanthika can do a lot better

    job than me but, my love towards her is the most

    purest one. To match this even I started admiring

    myself. Off course, their is nothing much toadmire at me but , I tried hard in doing that.

    According to me every guy should experience it

    when he gets his moustache traces.

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    #5 ides of love(Guys never try mine)

    Even, I started loving nature after falling into the

    beautiful tart called as Love which made me think

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    like a poet. A day consist of 24 hrs that is it consists

    of 86,400 seconds(my calculation said so!?!) I was

    missing Avanthika like hell! As if she even has a lineof thought about my utter existence but, my total

    life revolved around her. At this moment I very

    much wanted to be her puppy( Each and every girl

    wants her guy to be one. But, I am not even her

    friend) But, my 6.1 frame puppy for her 5.10 frameis not a bad idea at all( at least to me). And suddenly

    I realized that my mobile phone beeped and it said

    Syed, he is a close friend of mine we address him as

    rush, he is mostly like me in attitude level the only

    difference is that he is a super-awesome student andI am a super-bad student! And he said "mate you

    busy? Can we go somewhere?" I answer in a super

    enthusiastic tone that am dyeing for it. We went to a

    boring Hindi movie its not that it was boring I

    didnt even understand a word from it.

    #6 A caf timeA spot at the caf the waitress was well-dressed

    than me, Syed rushed and took out his new galaxy

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    note(he is bit showy) But, thats not a problem at

    all he is my best buddy to my astonishment he

    asked the same question to me that Mateee am Ishowy.. Innature???" I asked "Who said so?" he

    said, nothing just a friend of mine said I said 'FUCK

    IT' he just nodded I can very much understand the

    meaning of that nod, I just smiled for response. To

    my astonishment he asked "Mateee you loveAvanthika rite?"(Is it that obvious?) I said, Hell no,

    although I very much wanted to say that YES, I AM

    MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER. But the fact is that I

    dont want to see her un-happy after she gets to

    know that a loafer or a looser like me is in love withher. I think this feeling is obvious, to words the

    person whom you love the most, I repeat THE

    MOST but, what about her? Like is way too-high

    for a person like me that too with "AVANTHIKA"

    but, I never had the guts to ask this to that cute,sweet, authoritative ,powerful angel. I could text

    her for hours together but, something in real where

    I lagged thats during the face to face contact to be

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    frank during eye contact I wasnt able to look at

    that SPARKY BROWN EYES-which, missed nothing I

    repeat even though its authoritative (her eyes) she,is the most cutest girl whom I had ever met. Now I

    love every cell of her's. Suddenly, I heard someone

    calling SIDDHARTH(not with that extra stress which

    comes from that honey patched voice). it was rush

    whom called me, then I realized that I was withhim in a caf I was staring at the same place for

    more than 15-minutes which was informed to me

    later by rush who spoke with a bit of sarcasm in his

    voice "This is what happens when you are in love"

    All I could do was a shy-smile with a secretblush(Again I know guys cant blush!!) Now, I very

    much wanted to call Avanthika but, this stupid-rush

    is here. so, I just rehearsed in my mind that what

    will I be able to talk to THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL

    IN THE WORLD(Guys ,never use the word beautifulto a girl unless they are madly in love with her) At

    least, I dont use that word. I bet she would turn

    red (not blushing out of anger) but, I very much

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    wanted see her face turning into pink color, I

    visualized her with a pink colored face I can see her

    for days together even, without pink color. I nevercared for spontaneity that too with AVANTHIKA

    finally, I got the extra bit of nerve to call her she

    took the call with her enthusiastic voice not,

    because its mine) its her usual tone. I was addicted

    to that honey patched sweet voice, even honey istoo-low (she has the at most plus points which

    human beings could have!) and, I am not bluffing

    its the fact , I thought she was made out of sugar

    from head to toe, she again said halloo sid? Wats

    up man? I thought next time it should be MYMAN! but, my usual syndrome I am way too

    coward to ask her that so, I just said I met rush

    they are very good friends, but, that wasnt the

    thing which I prepared but, as long as the

    conversation grows long I never mind! After all Iam dying to here her voice (honey-pitched one) I

    know that she is cute, sweet and whatever romantic

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    word in this world is just meant for her more over

    she defines these words

    #7 facing the death

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    I could meet hundred death just to see her simile,

    to my astonishment she has just changed her profile

    picture. I fell in love with her all over againwhenever I see her(even if I just see, her picture). I

    know that she is a very good artist I turn speechless

    whenever I see her picture or any of her artistic

    works. These days I had become a reliable friends

    of hers because she started pulling my leg in fb witha post or a picture. I never get angry with her (how

    can I !!) she is the best thing that has ever

    happened to meant all in response I could just

    send her a smiley. Suddenly I felt so-nostalgic that

    it has been more than 2 hours since I texted her. Itook my mobile stared at it even my mobile wall

    paper is cute-Avanthika which no-one knows.. as

    my mind was racing and I very much wanted to kill

    my time and I was glued to the favorite channel of

    mine, What else star cricket it showed one o theoldest matches I guess it must be mid 80s suddenly

    I lost interest in it, This is the first time in my life I

    have ever uttered a word that "Cricket Sucks" its

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    because of the change in priorities were cricket lose

    its deposit against Avanthika. I think have a huge

    admiration to-word Avanthika but, I have a betterword that is crush. I could no longer conttttrol my

    mind so, I logged into my face book account again

    and I just searched the name Avanthika, and it

    showed me the most beautiful girl in the world but,

    I started cursing the language as it s deficit of wordsto describe her. Probably some one can do a better

    job than me, but cant love her as much as I do.

    But, I can imagine just up to my level rite? And I

    knew the very fact that " She is way out of my

    league" But my heart has always had and has aproblem in accepting this truth , a bitter truth in my

    way. In Avanthika's account there are over 250

    photos of her I have already given like to all of

    them "As Im madly in love with that person in

    those pictures they never made any difference fromher reality. I gave unlike to all those photos and

    started giving like again(just to while away time)

    and I very well know, that she must be annoyed by

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    know because of my notifications I was worried

    about that too. and in, my mind I have already

    thanked Mark Zuckerberg over zillion times forgiving the option of like button along with the

    comment one as its a substitute for comment and

    as I had always been a dumb mainly, with

    Avathika's case and I noticed my watch and it has

    been more than three hours! And I have justadmired and drooled over her pictures. And I just

    noticed my mobile wall paper I dozed off (Probabily

    ,this is what people call breath taking beautiful)

    #8 The dream

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    As ,soon as I crashed my bed my eyes were shut but

    my mind didn't. its pretty easy to guess that it went

    in search of Avanthika(as it has always) and, how

    can I live for two-months by not even looking at her

    for real(because she said to me that she is leaving to

    France soon)that very thought brought a lump in my

    throat even, in my dream! But she was going for

    real. How can I live two months? "Even seconds

    will take years without Avanthika" but, it would be

    too-mean to disturb her during her vacation, as thesedays are meant for her enjoyment, but I noticed that

    I waged a war with my brain...

    Sid: bastard, how can you live for two months

    without even texting her?

    Heart: I don't have an answer for your question ritenow but, I will proove you soon that I can.

    SID: You can't your such an DUMB ASS

    HEART: Yeah but, you very well know that this day

    dumb ass is an day dreamer too. Who can lead a lifewith her in dream(at least two-months)of course in

    dream NOT REAL

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    SID: prove that.

    HEART: You, have a bigger part in that as you

    killed your originality for her.

    SID: yeah, I do agree that but who doesn't get

    fascinated towards her?/ and you will take over me

    for few days?

    HEART: huh?

    SID: Nobody, who is normal will do such things...

    HEART: Fuck it, it gives me pleasure!

    SID: way to go stupid( you, will never achieve it it'sa far fetch dream, even her dog will take a lead in

    your role ) and, I have already mentioned that I

    never had the guts to propose to her it's because of

    the FEAR OF Losing HER AS A FRIEND but, if

    she says yes, I will be the happiest person on this

    earth. But, I love each and every moment of thiscruch period of mine. And these thoughts were

    disturbing me(even, in dream) but these memories

    are to be cherished rite? So, I finalized that I will

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    live for two months till she return from France. But,

    what about her even, a faint memory of mine will hit

    her?( am not sure of it) but, I will miss her like hell!

    And every moment will be stretching one. And, I

    waked up from my sound sleep! And heard that

    honey dipped voice in my phone!( without, her

    knowledge) and this is the day she said that she will

    be boarding her flight to Delhi and then to France,

    she gave me a call what a surprise! and said that she

    is about to leave< I said with a maximum fakeenthusiasm in my voice that HAPPY JOURNEY

    but, I don't want her to go and I turned to an

    another person " who am I to stop her? Avanthika is

    a bird, that too a CUTE BIRD worlds most cutest

    bird, and I realized that she was on call and she said

    that " Sid< in dream land huh?" and I said umm....yeah, nah... not exactly and she laughed out aloud

    and said that this is her happiest day that a friend of

    her's has dedicated a song for her and said that

    mannn, Im on cloud 9and said that her friend get's

    her face when ever he/she is hearing that song.. I

    very much wanted to reply that I get your facewhenever I hear any song as usual I never had the

    guts to say this to her and she left " I wish, I could

    have the guts to propose to her soon."

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    #9 Weeks by Weeks.

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    apart, from rush and Mathews I never trust any of

    my guy friends theyalways mock at me that I never had guts. Well,

    actually what is guts?




    I have got the copy rights from the VIP rush who

    coined this abbreviation and I could very well relate

    it with me that "God please give me the strength to

    propose to Avanthika" on sitting on the couch I

    looked myself at the mirror to god on earth I wasnt

    that ugly at the same time I wasnt handsome or

    good looking either its for sure I always have this

    question in my mind that" guys always look for

    those girls who are more than their level ! " And forinstance: look at me with the kind of bully figure I

    have of course its bully when compared to

    Avanthika's shaped features and she is a goddesses

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    for sure! With her cute smile which can even take

    other's life, attractive sparky brown eyes, sharp nose

    which hooks me! and I dont even fit in to the roleof her driver(fact!) with the above mentioned

    esteemed qualitys I must be looking for..

    I should have been looking for someone who is of

    my types to be precise a looser or loafer like me

    but, my heart has a huge set back in accepting thisbut, to be frank she is greater than me in all aspects

    in brilliance I am no match to her, In looks even a

    bridge cannot fill the gap between us, its a great

    fortune that she at least talks to me usually, girls of

    her types or even lesser than her will not even mindmy presence. And with a physique I have so-called

    well-built one which can also relate to my heftiness

    thank god height is the only plus-point have! even


    Avanthika is a huge competitor of mine ,I haventseen a girl who is taller than her I mean Indian girls

    her absence killed me like being

    in hell, and I gave like for every post of her rather

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    than the post I

    like the person who posted that even like is under-

    rated as I am "madlyin love with her without her knowledge" I wish I

    could see her now and

    " I could have the guts to propose to her!"

    #10 Now what?? Some more weeks

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    it has been a ritual for me to stare at her profile for

    an hour or so and, on seeing me someone wouldhave thought that I was meditating yeah, even this

    is a form of meditation as I had no-other thoughts


    my mind and I already said that "I love each and

    every cell of her's " and now it has changed thatshe is in each and every cell of mine" so, there is

    no amusement that I am in love with her/with her

    profile picture. I thought of that cute, sparky brown

    eyes! I know I am using the word cute quite a lot

    for a guy but, its her impact on me and there is no-issue

    that she is cute! you have to hearer her say that

    word thats how I fell in love with that word, I can

    very much see a noticeable Avanthika in me, no I

    created Avanthika in me. I have even startedlistening to Selene Gomez whom she said she likes.

    as for as I have heard about me from girls they say

    "Im a cricket freak" I get damn furious with them

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    when they say this but, Avanthika said the same too

    but, this time I didnt get irritated not a small

    hesitation in my mind I gave a broad smile to her(probably ,the person who says that and the

    dedication is all that matters, I guess) but, this is

    something great than mare dedication

    but, my vocabulary is not that good so, I had to

    stick with this( I have no other option) " I wish I

    could see her this moment and have the guts to

    propose to her" this, is how the whole week went.

    After Avanthika came in to my life I had totally

    changed now people

    call me as "soft spoken" at this point of time I very

    much disagree with Shakespeares statement that

    "she stoops to conquer" but ,Avanthika never

    stoops she just stares to conquered. Who can ever

    say no to her. to others she is authoritative but ,to

    me I can never say no to that cute brown

    eyes(here again the impact plays a huge role)

    " you will never be mine

    but, still my heart longs for it

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    when you are everything to me

    I am just a somebody to you

    still, my heart longs for itand, it will as long as I live"

    After wrote these lines I had few tears which rolled

    over my cheeks as I had always described her as a

    princess I dont even stand a chance " she is way

    out of my league" I never had luck in my life even,


    cricket I had talent but, I wasnt able to express it,

    the same I wasnt able to express my love to-words

    Avanthika with all those cheesy lines and

    everything. This is how my third week passed " I

    wish I could have the guts to say my love towards



    These days in my facebook account I havent sent a

    message nor replied to anyones message infect I

    didnt even read them, I started behaving awkward.

    if my folks had taken me to a psychiatrist he would

    have given me anti-depression drugs, they thought I

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    was depressed because of my failure in cricket life

    but, that was the thing I was least bothered

    about, I didnt want to type another name apart fromAvanthika's name I silently admired her folks

    creativity in naming her. In my place they never

    anything about me but, my sister a knows that

    there is something but, never bombard me with

    questions. all over again I fell in love with

    the worlds most cutest person(the impact) this is

    the date exactly a year before Avanthika scolded

    me for being too-lethargic but, that was the most

    happiest moment of my life for two-reasons

    1- she was considerate about me, it means she didconsider me as a person!

    2- That tongue and lips were functioning for my


    Yeah , to scold me. I wasnt able to help myselftake

    my ugly eyes from her lips(without lip-coat or gloss)these are

    the perfect incidents for a day-dreamer like me to

    cherish am not sure if she remembers these things or

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    not but, I have everything in my mind and the

    second inch is all about a painting which she has

    done. It was about a flower a rare one, I was starringat it for about an hour I guess. She snatched it and

    out of reflex I pulled them and it has turned a bit

    and she didnt react much for it. It was I who

    confessed to her like a criminal and she coated with

    sweet words which I should have done. These days

    she is everything to me without her I am nothing(her

    thoughts) my day will never get completed this is

    how my week-passed . I wish I could have the guts

    to propose to her!

    5-weekit has been a month since I saw her in REAL but, in

    dream I have no

    one apart from her ,it must have been around a

    week since I had opened

    my mouth to talk to someone else. Like a patient Ihad loss of appetite

    if this continuous then I will be admitted into an

    mental asylum for

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    sure. I felt that there were none in my mind apart

    from me and

    Avanthika these are the symptoms of mentalsickness so ,I planned to call Johnny and rush to my

    place as I had already said that they are my

    close-friends though Avanthika holds the first place

    and then I realized that I have lost some weight and

    my hair has not seen a barber for months, With achange in my clothes I would exactly resemble a

    person from Paleolithic age some went to a barber

    and pastured him to give change in looks(but, its of

    no use as always) but ,still I had to admit that

    with the new goatee I looked better than that

    Average guy whom you can see anywhere "but

    ,these futile attempts are just to cope-up or at least

    stand a chance with Avanthika.As I went back

    home john was eating something as usual rush was


    I can still remember that smile of Johnny ( His 32

    was visible) at least, His teeth have wisdom in them

    unlike his mind, rush came and said sorry was bit

    busy with a friend of mine the answer was quite

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    obvious, that it was a girl for this reason I used to

    envy him but, hats of no use. As I already have a

    hugeeee crush on Avanthika.Its awkward to hide this from these guys but, they

    figured it and never embraced me with that sort of

    questions.We decided to go to the terrace in my

    place and they decide what next to do. We thought

    of watching a movie but ,later it changed to just a

    drive. I was driving my Scorpio(Next to Avanthika

    I have an huge crush on it) I never let anyone to

    drive that car suddenly just accelerated it was just a

    show-off and Johnny whispered that Avanthika

    is not here so, you can reduce the speed( her, name

    always brings a hint of smile in my face) there, again

    these two guys have never matured

    from the 9-th grade and both these guys are like two-

    different poles so ,I have to pay my dues for

    it. The only thing which, united them is food and I

    joined them too ,I had fun with these guys after two-years as Avanthika has swallowed the

    mean time but, its none of her mistake rite? and this

    mistake of mine

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    gives a lot of pressure to me with these wonderful

    thoughts I returned

    back to my place suddenly felt everything around meis beautiful " I

    wish I could see her now if I had the guts to

    propose to her" with

    this feeling I crashed my bed to talk with her in my


    6-th week

    it has been 5 week's since I had heard Avanthikas

    voice the honey patched voice she can even be a

    singer I guessed, these days I have started eating as

    usual but still I missed Avanthika like hell!

    Obviously, without her knowledge even without

    mine and thats what love

    is right? And rather than missing I felt that I am so-

    much dependent on her! it was one of those lazy

    week days(nomad was lazy) I logged in tomy fb account to my astonishment she has changed

    her profile picture it means she was on fb I missed

    and her color has increased! She looked even more

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    fare! And pretty, cute too. Whatever she does is cute

    to me and, she has even bothered to send a message

    to her "how is u?!" I know this is just an usualmessage to her but, it means a lot! and this remains

    me one of those days were I was dying to get her

    NUMBER and would remain on-line all day to just

    see a green light spark over her picture (of-course!

    not as sparky as her eyes are!) but, even now I never

    know how I got the extra bit ofnerve to ask her

    number?! Though, for a project I asked her and

    when she gave me I Was ON TOP OF THE MOON!

    there again after a huge hesitation weather to call

    her or not, I called her and she answered

    with a cool voice though a sweet one and we spoke

    for about 15 minutes with the heart in my hand and

    these cute incidents just bring a hint of smile in my

    face! and also remains me that I had been a coward

    even now I am one such but, I have improvised

    myself from fear of speaking to fear of proposing

    so, ill overcome this some-day that night I was able

    to see a beautiful scene were the moon(it was a full

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    moon day) my room is actually in such a

    way that the moon would cover the whole bed, it

    appears to me as if it was peeping into my windowjust to spoil my dream(as Avanthika is

    even more beautiful than the moon!) probably it

    might be jealousy of her I think. I have to admit

    that I was just getting little poetic "oh! Moon I

    know someone who is cuter than you

    so, its time for you to leave my place

    to pave way for the cute one to enter into my

    dream" I posted this on my class group rush's

    group. I was not able to post

    this on my wall because, of the relatives in my a/c

    even my mom is in my account this is the

    disadvantage of adding them on your account! I

    was even happier that Avanthika gave a like to it! it

    even made me more special that someone France is

    considerate about me all over again I fell in love

    with her( I never knew why people often, use the

    word "fall" to be submissive I think) in the following

    days watched few more movies, this days I am doing

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    that tri-lingual in Tamil, Hindi and English. with

    people like John and rush they make you

    see a movie in afternoon and another one in theevening they coined a word for that too action 500

    " I acted as their driver but this driver has the

    designation even to brake their bones, each and

    every song remains me of her face! These days I

    dont even bother to look at the most attractive ones

    by, no means they are up to her level " I wish me

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    #11 The words out

    Guys... dont think this story is going to end. Its a

    never ending story where I am gonna love Avantika

    through out my life.. these are move lies about her...

    my eyes went in search of her! and i saw her

    she is even more beautiful than my previous

    memory perhaps my usual term BREATH

    TAKING BEAUTY did suit her she just waved

    HI to me (as gracefully as ever) usualy

    syndrome i fell deficit of words to describing hershe smiled that was not just a smile it had

    something else too! suddenly i felt a rosepetal

    in my arm were avanthika just wispered

    something in my ear i was just half listening to

    her i was morew of admiring her! and ienqquired again she just blushed! (wow! even

    michael angelo cannot ortray her as it is!! im not

    saying this because of my love towords her its a

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    fact!)..... The next few moments of my life was

    entirely different she,started saying that.. Sid i

    met a guy(so,that must be the reason forhappyness?) i prayed hard it should not be, i'm

    sure,i was getting jelousy that is because i care

    for her the most in my life! but,still when she

    said those words that she was in love my whole

    wordld came to an sudden halt,i felt as if my

    right part of my heart has detatched my left one.

    but,she was very much expressive and happy

    while expressing her love (well not about

    me!)but, why can't she see that in my eyes?

    that was the third year of my love life(of-cource

    one sided) still,she meant the whole world tome! avanthika suddenly called me "sid... you

    can't do this to me" did i speak that aloud?

    no,certainly not. she said to me that back to

    dream land? no,avanthika i was just visualising

    you! but that was just half true! should i behappy for her love? (or) sad for myself it was

    just a mixed feeling for me but, i'm sure that she

    was happy that was the thing which i cared

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    #12 eighth week

    week-8I was getting bit weak during this week

    as ,it has been 7 weeks since i had seenAvanthika, Here again the battle begins withinme impractical; Yeah ,I do admit that but, i love

    what I am doing........

    Practical ;may be your going to do this for lifelong as Avathika will never accept you....

    With this, the practical stuff in me went but,

    what it said is damn true as, i had nothing elseto do i went on-line again to my surprise

    Avanthika was there! Soon ,All my sorenesswent away on seeing her face it was her newdp again, she looked even more ravishing thanmy previous memory , she always manages to

    do this to me! it was that she was standing infront of Eifel tower she looked even more fare inher full black costume only her face wasvisible(it is enough to make any guy blush) i feltas if the tower was smiling because she was

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    there !at this point of time I envy that tower as, itcan see her for real which, I am unable to do!and, i said to myself that hey !tower you are

    marvelous just because of Avanthika'spresence there "I wish I could have been amaterial over there to see her now" shedescribed France to me soon, I switched on myhead phone to hear the voice which makes meblush every time and makes me fall for her

    every time this is the time when I understoodthat I am addicted to her so-much so, I fell inlove with her all over again she also said thatshe will be back home soon! i felt as if I hadtaken a new birth all over again and i also saidto myself that Avanthika you are the most

    sweetest person whom i had ever met in mylife, according to me "one part of me is dieng foranother" to meet her soon, and we continuedour chat some more time too .soon, i dozed offand in dream. i dont know what place it is but itis as beautiful as avanthika is " i was in the

    middle of the stream rowing a boat whereavanthika was seated just opposite to me now,no body in the world existed at-least to me shewas in her best cloath and metoo, with the

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    smell of the axe choclate(remember,even theangels will fall in for) sure, avanthika is onesuch angel even in my dream i was perfect in

    this sense i was about to propose to her nowand i said "avathika you are simply breathtaking beautiful she was about to saysomething but, my mom waked me up and saidgo and sleep in bed sid. that was the momentwhere i felt the at-most angerness in me but,

    didnt express it anyway i know, i will never getthis dream again in my life atleast, i hope thatdoesnt just become a dream! all throughout mylife " i wish i would have the guts to propose toher" as, avanthika said she will be here soon iwas counting every second of it and my so-

    called dread full 8 week's got over!tical: you,have tried hard man!!!

    impractical:thanx,but still a week's time is thernaa?

    practical; yeah, but a person of your type cando that as you dont have anywork apart fromthat

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    #12 The ending

    i never knew that this would be the day which

    would make me to spend sleep less nights for

    the rest of my life.. it was just a normal day

    for every others but to me? i wish i had never

    loved her! i wish I should not have felt this much

    for her when i knew i don't even stand

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    a chance to make others believe that i love her..

    i might not have an attractive face,i might not be

    as brilliant as her still,i knew that I have anheart which loves her more than anyone could..

    it was the day my lips quivered into a smile for

    the last time i think.. i still,remember that it was

    a bright morning as usual but to me it was the

    darkest ever.. i went bit early that day with

    fingers crossed! i thought i did have the guts to

    propose to her ,now it has been the incident

    which none remembers apart

    from me.. i wish i had at-least said to her that i

    love her" but ,my mis-fortune i never did. i just

    go to a dream land when i see those sharp-brown eyes which would just reduce my

    confidence level and it reduced my 6 feet frame

    tojust a toddler.. i still remember she was simply

    that "breath taking beautiful" the same happend

    that day too but,avanthika looked different thatday in-fact "she has never been this beautiful in

    her life" i went bit-early that day to-my

    astonishment avanthika was seated in my

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    class-room she was smiling well,not at me her

    lips quivered into a cute smile i wish my life had

    ended that moment as she was happy-it mademe myself more happy actually,that was the

    first time i had seen avanthika in make up did

    look attractive.. i know there was someone

    behind her smile.,that was the last hope of my

    life wheather it was me? but,am i asking for

    too-much in life? i know that i'm still, i'm a

    normal human being

    right? When I called her once, twice, thrice she

    didnt turn when I

    raised my voice she turned and smiled "Sid the

    life is just awesomeisnt?" I went short of words as-usual in replying

    her! I stammered

    a bit and said yes! Avanthika- wahao! The feel I

    get while pronouncing

    her name it worths a million times birth to me...when i returned to this normal world i asked

    avanthika? She said w-h-a-t Sid? Sorry I was

    just half listening

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    man (my syndrome) imp now sure that she is in

    love! But who? ...I did

    enquire about it to her. She stammered a bitand said a guy Sid... he

    is just darn-freekishly handsome! While

    expressing her brown eyes

    lifted-up she wasnt a human being for sure! But

    my entire world crashed

    and came to an end! I was just leading the most

    dread-full moment of my

    life my worst fear came true that day now

    should I be happy that the person whom I love

    the most is in love

    with another? Or should I be sad for the samereason? It was a sticky

    situation for me and silently I wished I could

    have been that guy!

    Does this mean I can no-longer see her? My

    breath has to come to anend? Or I should live as nothing happened? My

    whole life will lose its

    charm if the above cases come true! Still I felt

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    happy that she is

    happy and she has met a right guy whom I

    could never substitute with mymare love! With eyes filled with tears I saw the

    moon and said to my-self bye

    Avanthika i'vl meet you during the next full

    moon day... as my rest of

    the days passes just for this single night which

    would bring her

    memories back into me.. Now I knew I wasnt

    16 anymore I was 27...

    Still, with fingers crossed I live she will

    understand me someday if

    she still remembers a loosed called Sid!

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    #13 epilogue

    Now this is my time to write about my friend sundar

    an amazing guy with hidden talents. I fist meet him

    in our debate discussion and then added him in

    facebook started chatting a lot and got to know him

    very well I never had any plans for my life ever

    and I heard him tell that he is had written a book

    about the girl he loved (the love of this life) as I

    didnt have any work( like always) I asked him to

    mail me I got in bits it wasnt in a flow I thought of

    putting it together for all u people this is such an

    awesome book with awesome script sundar the first

    thing that comes in to my mind is his funny walk .

    Avantika isnt lucky to have my brother and I hope

    that my brother will find his half soul soon .. this is

    to all the love failure guys and girls JUST DONT

    STOP YOURSELF FROM LOVE open your heart

    towards it all are different you will get something u

    didnt get from the last person the next one will

    give you more and more.. I believe in fate and

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    magical stuffs never hurt anyone in love you will get

    a good punch right into your face soon never

    cheat a true love u will feel for a long time its a bet the love you give someone is unconditional just

    while closing this book remember that never hurt a

    true heart try to understand and take a good care of

    it love goes for ever and ever its a true thing trust

    the heart that you love trust it madly fall in lovewho may time it takes. And also dont talk back of

    anyone its the most stupid thing all girls do... never

    gossip peeps its a horrible thing to do. Sundar, I

    am really happy that I met a guy like you to share

    the world this wonderful story about all the thingsthat happened in your life.

    #14 Avantikas view

    Before I start with my version of the story, I'mdoing this as a favor for a common friend ofmine and Sidharth's- Niha.

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    It was in grade 10 that i knew Sidharth. He wasa new-comer back then. A good friend of his,once told me in a social networking chat, that

    Sidharth was like totally addicted to me! like i'dbelieve that! He barely knew me and only atthat time, he even started talkin to me.Later another friend told me after a few weeks. Iwas gettin pissed off with the society. I mean, ifa guy whos new to a place, talks to a girl,

    wanting to be friends, why on earth wouldpeople think that he's in love with her? Hisclassmates were really cranky, i tell you!So, Sidharth asked me if his friend had told meanythin like that. I was kinda reluctant to agree,cuz what if he has a row with that friend of

    his?!!He asked me again, so i kinda agreed. To mysurprise he asked "so whats gonna be youranswer for tat?". I replied that whateveranybody said to me, its goina be a definite 'NO'.So that was the start of my part of the story.

    Over the years, Sidharth has turned out to be agreat friend. We have a common friend, who'sone of my besties, keeps telling me thatSidharth is completely in love with me. Like I'd

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    believe that! I ignored his vibe and let life takeits decisions.Sidharth was this guy who kept talking about

    cricket. I know that he likes it a lot butexpressing your addiction to something tosomeone, becomes quite awkward when theykeep talking about it 24x7. So at one point oftime i called him a "cricket freak".We share a common interest in books.

    Whenever he reads a books or when he'sreading one, he tells me about it and I tell it outtoo.He has always been the first person to give a"like" whenever i update/upload something on asocial networking site. Not that it irritates me or

    anything, but it was quite peculiar for me backthen.One day, out of the blue, he said that he's goingto write a book. I ws flabbergasted. I mean, I'veheard people say that they're going to writepoem or books but I've never seen them

    continue with it for more than a few pages. Butthis guy was DAMN serious!He'd send his book, chapter-wise whenever hefinishes one.

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    THEN i realised that the character in itdescribed ME. I was completely shocked.

    The way he described the girl, nobody wouldthink that its me. But deep down, i felt guilty forhaving talked to him for so long.Every word of mine would've hurt him.Sidharth's book resembled Durjoy Dutta's book.Describing one single girl and about what his

    friends thought about it.My friends meanwhile, smelled that somethingwas going on and asked me.One day, Pooja asked me if he really likes me. Ishrugged and walked away.She's one awesome girl. She understands what

    happens to the people around her with just alook on their faces. I;m a girl with LOADS offriends. MY best friends are damn precious.They're literally FAMILY to me.Back in 10th grade, Sidharth came to the sametuition as i did. He has even mentioned that in

    his book! Like anyone would do THAT!Rush told me that the title of Sidharth's bookwas goin to be GUTS to propose- Give Us TheStrength to propose.

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    When Rush said that, the first thought thatstruck my mind was, " Like Sidharth has no gutsto put it all in a book!"

    He asked me once for my most favorite country.I replied without hesitation that it was India.He asked fr my second most favourite country,for which my reply was "France".I'm extremely patriotic. Anyone who evenDARES talk ill about MY country, will definitely

    get a blue eye. Im not a violent person oranything, but i debate a lot, so the way i arguewill make them shut their mouth about India.So, coming back to the scenario, after like 2weeks, he had mentioned that i was on aholiday trip to France for TWO MONTHS, and

    he had written 8 whole chapters on that.Pooja and Anu, who happened to be playingwith my phone at that time, saw the mail.Pooje read all the chapters and her mouth wasa literal "O" when she finished.

    Anu is a girl who's still just a kid, but is waay too

    mature for a kid. Cutest girl ever!Sidharth knows each and every detail aboutme.. with complete precision. i sometimeswonder how he knows so much about me. But i

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    always have this guilty feeling whenever i readthe chapters of his book. Thats cuz i alwaysconsider him as an awesome friend, and he

    doesnt feel the same way. It gets awkwardwhen you're among friends for some kindapractice for a programme in the assembly andyour friends start pairing you up. I get confusedwhether to get pissed off or keep shut. Hari isthe only guy, who, till now, hasnt made fun of

    me with Sidharth. He's like my own sweet littlebrother. He even dedicated a song to me,saying that he gets reminded of me when helistens to it. Quite sentimental he is when itcomes to the siblingly relation!Sidharth is seriously very understanding and

    supportive. But the reason that i feel guilty iscuz i cant, and wont ever reciprocate what hefeels. For which i feel really very sorry.Only this year, i got to know Niha, who's a yearyounger to me. She's quite cool, actually. I dontknow much about her, except the fact that she's

    Sidharth's bestfriend.She told me that his book is never-ending. Butyeah its all imaginary and fictional. All of myfriends, Anu, Pooja, Rush, Akshay, and even

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    Ajay who's a super-cool guy and extremelysupportive and sweet, know about this, but stillmaintain a bravado that they dont.

    Sidharth, meanwhile, will always remain to bean extremely good friend of mine till the veryend. He's not like those guys who, if they "like"a girl, keep following her, or keepemailing/messaging or the equivalent toIRRITATING the girl. He's just the opposite.

    And to add up, ill always feel awkward andguilty when he's around. No offence intendedthere.So, i guess this was nothing like an epilogue,but a summary of a 3 years' worth journal,wasnt it?

    So thats' the end of my version! :)