digital repository of course materials. transactional...the writings of thomas harris, muriel james...

th105 FoCARSFoundation Course For Agricultural Research Service

Digital Repository of Course Materials

• Overview of HRM in Indian NARS

• Time Management

• Interpersonal Behaviour & Relationships

• Leadership styles

• Motivation

• Stress: Assessment and Management

• Group Dynamics & Teamwork

• Creativity and Problem Solving

• Emotional Intelligence

• Groups in Organization

• Presentation Skills

• Ethics in Agricultural Research

• Transactional Analysis

Course Coordinators K. Kareemulla and S. Ravichandran

Support Team P. Krishnan and P. Namdev

1

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

R.V.S.Rao1

Managing people is perhaps the most important part of successful

management. Human beings are very complex, have different

personalities, and different interests. Before one can manage people it

is important to be able to analyse and understand human behaviour.

Transactional Analysis method uses popular terminology taken from

everyday language to explain human personality and behaviour.

Transaction Analysis (TA) was developed by Eric Berne and has been

developed by Eric Berne and has been popularized in recent years by

the writings of Thomas Harris, Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward.

Berne developed TA in the 1950‟s by watching people interact. He

observed that as you watch and listen to people you can see them

change before your eyes. There are changes in vocabulary, facial

expressions, gestures and postures. Sometimes people act like children,

at other times like adults, and yet at other times like parents. Berne

noticed that sometimes people play communication games with each

other and don‟t come off straight. He also observed transactions in

which people engaged in smooth communication through

complementary behaviour. At other times they crossed the

communication by working against each other.

The subject matter of T.A. can be conveniently divided in to the

following segments for study.

1. Structural Analysis – study of ego states

2. Transactions – Interactions between people

3. Life positions – Self confidence and confidence in others

4. Strokes – recognition of another‟s presence

5. Stamps – the study of collection of feelings

6. Time structuring – ways of spending time

7. Script analysis – study of life plan.

Structural Analysis

When we analyse the structure of our personality we find that there are,

“Selves within ourselves and others”. According to T.A. theory there

1 Principal Scientist, HRM Division, NAARM

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are three persons within all the people. These are – Parent, Adult and

child. These are technically known as ego states. An ego state denotes

the habitual way of thinking, feeling and reacting. Although we cannot

directly observe these ego states, we can observe the behaviour and

conclude the ego state from which it is arising. The three ego states are

usually diagrammed as shown below.

First order ego state diagram

The Parent Ego State

The parent ego state is developed by all the people childhood up to the

age of 6 years, when they absorb certain attitudes, values, beliefs and

ways of behaving from parental figures – father, mother or significant

others who raised them. When you feel think or act as you saw your

parental figures act when you were little, you are in your Parent ego

state. Parent ego state reflects the life as it is taught. Functionally, it

sets limits, gives advice, discipline, protects and nurtures, teachers

how-to, keeps traditions and makes rules and regulations about how

life should be : (the do‟s, don‟ts, always, nevers, shoulds, shouldn‟ts

musts, ought to‟s, have to‟s, can‟ts, good, bad etc.)

The critical parent (C.P) is that part of us which sets limits makes

judgment about ourselves and others. Critical Parent ego state is

expressed in statements such as:

“Nobody can leave until this report is finished”

“You should exercise every morning”

“You don‟t fight with your boss”

National Academy of Agricultural Research Management

3

The Nurturing parent (NP) is the other part of the parent ego state. It

gives guidance, supports, protects, nurtures and teaches how-to. It is

characterized by statements such as

“I am sorry you are not feeling well today, I‟ll take care of your work“

“Is there any way I can help you ?”

“Let me show you how deal with that “

With their genuine concern for their co-workers and the organizations,

nurturing, parent employees help foster a climate of cooperation and

dedication where team work can flourish.

The Adult Ego State

The adult ego state behaviour is rational, problem-solving and

decision-making. It is the non feeling part of the personality. It is the

computer which analyses the information before generating and

selecting alternatives. Functionally it gathers the data from the parent

adult and child, eg. How the child feels and what he wants; what the

parent says, feels and how he reacts; what the adult has to say based on

the past decisions; and what one external situation is, after gathering

the data it analyses and elevates it, generates alternatives and takes a

decision. It is the alert and analytical part of the personality. The adult

ego state reflects life as it is thought. It is expressed through statements

such as:

“Has all the information been gathered?”

“The breeding criteria have to be set based on consumer preference”

“What is the total rainfall in the area?”

The basic vocabulary of the Adult consists of why, what, where, when

and how.

The Child Ego State The child in you is what you were when you were very young. There

are many children inside us from the past. They are known collectively

as the child. These children have the same feeling and ways of

behaving you had when you were little. The child ego state is

associated with behaviours that are evoked when a person is coming

from an emotional base. The child ego state reflects life as it is felt. The

child ego state in the center of feelings and energy, the source of our

creativity, curiosity and intuition and site of our early experiences

including those ways we have chosen to get attention from and get

along with authority figures.

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The child ego state is divided into three parts; the Natural Child (NC),

the Adopted Child (AC) and Little Professor (LP).

The Natural Child (NC) is spontaneous, energetic, curious, loving and

uninhibited. It is what comes naturally and knows no rules and

consequently operate without regard for others and is unconcerned

about others reactions. It is characterized by behaviour such as the joy

of solving a problem, the happiness of getting the better of someone

enjoying the feeling of comfort etc. The natural child is not entirely

without fault. It can be self centered, impatient and greedy.

The Adopted Child (AC) acts in patterns learned from the environment.

It developed when you learned to change (adapt) your feelings and

behaviour in response to the world around you. Learned feelings of

guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and envy are characterized in the AC.

The pride you feel when somebody praised you for your good

performance often comes from the AC.

Compliance and Rebellion are two sub-parts of the AC. Early in life

some people learn that the best way to get along is always to say „yes‟

(compliance). Their problem in adulthood is saying „yes‟ when their

better judgment, experience and knowledge suggests that arguing the

point and asserting themselves would be more appropriate. Many

children only get attention when they are naughty (Rebellious). Such

individuals in adulthood may continue this behaviour by seeking

bosses and/or institutions (e.g. Banks, the police) to constantly fight

and rebel against.

The Little Professor (LP) is the intuitive part of the child which thinks

without knowledge all the facts believed to be needed. LP “thinking”

can be free of rigid boundaries and seems to have an in-born ability to

dream up new ideas and intuitively sense what to do (or how to solve a

problem) as if by the magic. The LP part of us gets those brilliant, non-

logical insights that give us solutions to problems which can result in

major breakthroughs.

The three ego states with their sub-parts are diagrammed as shown

below:


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______-------------Critial Parent

--------Nurturing Parent

Parent

-------------------------------

Adult

--------------------Natural Child

-------------Adapted Child

Child

- -------------- Little Professor

Implications of Ego States

All of us evoke behaviour from one of the three ego states at different

times. A healthy individual maintains a balance between all the three

ego states. Each ego state has an appropriate time and place. To realize

one‟s potential in life, it is important to be able to move flexibly from

one ego state to another as different situations arise. For example adult

ego state should dominate a literature search, the little professor ego

state should operate to come up with creative alternatives and the

parent ego state may exercise caution while writing up the research

proposal. People who lack ego state flexibility tend to operate rigidity

and fail to use their whole personality, and hence their potential.

In certain sense, organizations also have personalities just like

individuals. For example, an organization that encourages employees at

all levels to be creative and spontaneous would have a high Natural

Child and Little Professor. An organization in which employees have

little freedom to think of better ways of doing things might be thought

of as having a high controlling parent low adult and a high adaptive

child.

How Do We Differ?

While all the people are structurally alike, in that they all have a PAC,

they differ in two ways: content differences and functional differences.

Content of Parent, Adult and Child: Differing people will be

dominated by one ego state or the other. A normal person will have a

proper balance between the three ego states.

CP NP

A

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Parent Adult Child

Normal

dominated dominated dominated

person

Person Person Person

The Parent dominated people do not engage in rational problem

solving because they already know what is right and what is wrong.

They seem to have an answer for everything. The Adult dominated

people can be troublesome because they will be very boring to work

with. They are often “Workaholics”. They are never able to “let their

hair down” and have fun. The child dominated people, like parent

dominated people, do not engage in rational problem solving. They

learned in their formative years that they can get things by screaming

and being emotional. These people are very hard to season with in

many situations.

A proper balance between ego states and flexibility to move from one

to another depending on the situation is essential for a healthy

personality.

Functional differences: In the functioning of P, A & C two types of

differences may occur. These are called „contamination‟ and

„exclusion‟.

Contamination: Ideally the P-A-C is separate circles. In many people

the P or C tend to overlap and contaminate the A. When the

unexamined Parent-data contaminate the Adult it results in Prejudice.

Thus beliefs such as “right-handedness is better than left handedness”

or “Administrative people are always out to trouble scientists” are

based on prejudgment, before the reality of Adult data is applied to

them. When the contamination of the Adult is by the child in the form

of feelings which are inappropriately applied, it results in Delusion.

These are usually grounded in fear. For example “Those who are

admitted in a hospital are destined to die….” “Telegrams always bring

bad news”. “Cops always beat up people in police station,” are all

delusions.

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

A

A

C


7

Pre

Judice Delusion

Parent contaminating Child contaminating

Adult Adult

Exclusion is manifested by a stereotyped, predictable attitude which is

steadfastly maintained as long as possible in the face of any threatening

situations. The constant parent, Adult, the constant Child all result

primarily from defensive exclusion of the other two complementary

ego states. Some exclude parents some exclude Adult, and still some

others exclude the child. The individual behaves from the excluded ego

state in such case.

P – Exclusion A – Exclusion

C – Exclusion

Constant Parent Constant Adult

Constant Child

People acting with the exclusion of only one ego state are likely to

create problems for themselves and others. The constant parent could

be too critical or over-indulgent, the constant. Adult could be humour

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

…..

C

P

A

…..

C

P

…..

A

C

…..

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less and boring and the constant child could b either care free or too

self centered.

Analysing Transactions

The transaction consists of a stimulus by one person and a response by

another, which in turn may become a new stimulus for the other person

to respond to. It is a unit of social interaction. The purpose of analysis

is to discover which part of each person – PAC is originating each

stimulus and response. The clues to identify these are not only in words

but also in tone of voice, body gestures and facial expressions. The

transactions may be verbal for non verbal. The transactions may be (1)

open or complementary or parallel (2) Blocked or uncomplimentary or

crossed (3) Ulterior or hidden or disguised transaction.

Open or complementary or parallel transactions

When the stimulus and response on the PAC diagram make parallel

lines the transaction is complementary and can go on indefinitely. It

does not matter which way the vectors go (Parent-Parent, Adult-Adult,

Child-Child, Parent-child, Child-Adult) as long as they are parallel. In

this case the response to the stimulus is expected or predictable one.

Given below are some examples.

1. Scientist 1 : The bus is never on time.

2. Scientist 2 : It is always like this.

P P

2. Scientist 1 : You can never trust the labourers.

Scientist 2 : Yes, they are lazy.

P P

3. Scientist 1 : What time is the SRC meeting?

Scientist 2 : At 10 AM.

P P

4. Scientist 1 : Did the attendant clean the lab

yesterday.

Scientist 2 : Yes, he did it before he left.

A A

5. Trainee 1 : Lets bunk the class.

Trainee 2 : Yes ! it will be fun.

C C


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6. Scientist 1 : Tomorrow is a holiday, we can

have fun.

Scientist 2 : Yes, we can enjoy ourselves.

C C

7 .Sr. Scientist : You should have started your

statistical analysis last

week.

8. Jr. Scientist : I am sorry, I‟ll do it right away.

P C

9. Sr. Scientist : When we were your age we

worked very hard.

You must also do so.

Jr. Scientist : Yes sir.

P C

Blocked or Uncomplimentary or Crossed Transactions:

When the stimulus and response cross on the PAC diagram this is

called the crossed transaction and communication stops. Here the

response to the stimulus is either unexpected or inappropriate. It is out

of context with what the sender of the stimulus had originally intended.

For example if a scientist asks his colleague what is the time? The

expected response is telling the time of the day. But if the colleague

says „Why don‟t you wear a watch? Then a crossed transaction has

occurred. The stimulus calls for a adult to adult response, but instead a

critical parent response is made, as shown in the following illustration.

Additional illustrations of crossed transaction are shown below.

1) Scientist 1 You must clean up the lab (P C)

Scientist 2 You can‟t tell me what to do. You are not the

boss

The Head of the Department is the boss (P

C)

P

A

C

P

A

C

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Scientist 1 Scientist 2

2) Officer: What is the principal trouble in this office (A

A)

Colleague: Red tape, red tape (banging on the table) damns

it,

Red tape ! (C P)

Officer Colleague

3) Sr. Scientist: Give me your report on dry farming.

Jr. Scientist: You have your own copy. Why don‟t you look

for it.

Sr. Scientist Jr. Scientist

The crossed transactions often terminate communications and thus are

disruptive. However, they can be beneficial in certain cases. For

example, if a subordinate avoids taking decisions and always seeks

advise, the boss can cross his transactions seeking guidance and force

him to take decision for himself.

A

P

C

A

P

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

C C

A

P P

A


11

Ulterior or Hidden or Disguised Transaction

In this type of transaction there is one overt stimulus and

simultaneously there is another covert stimulus. For example consider

the following transaction. Scientist to lab assistant: Where did you hide

the pipettes?

Scientist Lab Assistant

The main stimulus is the adult seeking the information, but there is a

secondary communication in the word hide. This is „You never keep

anything in the proper place‟ or „you keep reorganizing the lab

arrangement too often.‟

Some transactions of this nature can involve stimulus and response at

all levels. For example if a man writes „I love you‟ in the dust collected

on the coffee table at home, the adult is in command. However both his

parent and child are involved. The parent says „Why don‟t you ever

clean this place up?‟. The child says, „please don‟t get angry if I

criticize you‟. But the adult takes charge and write, „I love you‟

because loving is important to marriage and thus parent or child are not

activated, but they operate in a hidden manner.

Husband Wife

Some times a duplex transaction also takes place where an ulterior

message is sent along with a social one. This involves four ego states.

The initiator and the responder both understand the spoken social

message and the hidden ulterior message in this transaction.

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

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Boy His girl friend

I am tired, let‟s go Yes, let‟s go. I am

and have a cup of also feeling like it.

Coffee.

The expressed social message in the above example is from Adult –

Adult, but the ulterior message is from child – child. Both the initiator

(boy) and the responder (girl) understand the real purpose; to exchange

some pleasantries over a cup of coffee.

Existential or Basic Life Positions

In the process of „growing up‟, people make assumptions about

themselves and other significant people in their environment. These

assumptions may or may not be generalized to other persons later in

life. These are basic assumptions that individuals make about

themselves and about others. The combination of an assumption of

oneself and another is called a life position. The life positions tend to

be more permanent and a conscious effort is to be made to if shift to

position four of I am OK – you are OK.

The four possible life positions are

1) I‟m not OK - you‟re OK

2) I‟m not OK - you‟re not OK

3) I‟m OK - you‟re not OK

4) I‟m OK - you‟re OK

By the end of three years of age a person has decided on one of the first

three positions. The I‟m not OK – you‟re OK is the first tentative

decision based on the experiences of the first year of life. By the end of

the second year it is either confirmed or settled or it gives way to

position 2 or 3. I‟m not OK – You‟re not OK or I‟m OK – you‟re not

OK. Once finalized, the child stays in his chosen position and it

governs everything he does. It stays with him the rest of his life, unless

he later consciously changes to the fourth position.

P

A

C

P

A

C


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I am not OK – you are OK

This is the universal position of early childhood, being the logical

conclusion of the infant. Some people get stuck in this position because

their parents unwittingly put them down with negative strokes like:

Those nasty shoe strings. Let me tie them for you‟. „Do not worry

about that if you cannot do it‟. „Let your brother make your sandwich‟.

„Do not worry about your grades. We do not expect you to do as well

as your sister. After all, she is a gifted child‟. Grownups who assumed

this position as children feel inadequate and often compare themselves

unfavorably to others. They tend to seek approval from others

unnecessarily and admire them from an envious position. This position

indicates an acceptance of others and not of oneself. This is typified by

feelings of sadness, inadequacy, stupidity and a sense of being

incompetent. People with this life position experience themselves to be

inferior, powerless and lack in skills when compared to others. They

tend to undervalue their skills and expertise and avoid facing difficult

situations and problems. Statements which typify this position are: I

will never be able to understand maths, I wish I could write a paper as

good as yours; and so on.

I am not OK – You are not OK

In the process of growth this is the second position that may develop

when the parents stop stroking the child and tend to put him down,

while the child also might be making a mess and getting into trouble.

This position develops when the parents ignore the children and show

them little respect and give them rude negative comments like, „Hurry

up, you are always too slow‟. „You will never learn, will you?‟

These people tend to feel bad about themselves and see the whole

world as miserable. Their attitude is, why bother, what is the point?

Management by chaos would be their style. At work, they can‟t make

their own decisions and can‟t thrust their subordinates. They often lose

interest in life, tend to give up, and in extreme cases commit suicide or

homicide. This is the perfect wrong position, and one should get rid of

it at the earliest after being made aware of it.

I am OK – You are not OK Some children develop this position when their parents treat them as if

they are always right. Such parents are continuously blaming

themselves, putting themselves down. For example, Nina often heard

her mother say things like, „Oh how stupid of me. Look what I have

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done. I have bought you the wrong size shoes again‟. Children of these

parents understandably develop a false sense of power and superiority

over their parents and other people. They usually do not accept

responsibility for their problems, and may not even realize they have

any problems. They project the blame on others. Their relationships

with others at work will be characterized by victimization, abuse and

disregard. Statements like: you don‟t know how to draft even a simple

letter that is a stupid proposal etc. indicate that a person is operating

from this life position. These people put down others, inflate their own

achievements and attain power and stats at other‟s expense.

I am OK – You are OK

This is an ideal, healthy, constructive position in which people feel

good about themselves and others. This fourth position is reached as a

result of a conscious decision based on thought and faith. People with

this position tend to have a positive outlook on life and are happy,

productive, energetic and at peace with themselves and the world. This

life position indicates an acceptance of one‟s own self-worth and the

worth of others. A person holding this life position will employ

management by self direction, because he is sure of his competence as

well as the capabilities of his subordinates. The dominant style of these

people is collaboration, mutual trust, sharing authority and

responsibility with others. They listen to, and other constructive

criticism and are good problem solvers. They are likely to succeed in

life, finding satisfaction with work and relations with others and lead a

happy life.

Strokes

A stroke is defined as any act implying recognition of another‟s

presence. A stroke can be verbal or non verbal or both. A hello, waving

the hand, a smile, „I like you‟ are examples of stroking. Every one

needs some kind of stroking; weather pleasant or unpleasant. A stroke

that evokes the feelings of “I am OK, You are OK‟, is a positive stroke.

Expressed loving, caring, respecting and responding to a need are

positive stroking. Example: a spontaneous hug. A stroke that brings

forth a feeling of I am not OK is a negative stroke. Expressed hating is

such a stroke. Example: „Get away from me, I don‟t like you‟. A

conditional stroke is given to you for what you do. Example „Ali, if

you take off your school uniform I will like you‟. An unconditional

stroke is one that is given for just being you. Example: „I like to look at

you‟. The strokes can appear in combinations as shown below.


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Strokes for being Strokes for

doing

I like you.

Positive, unconditional

Loving

I like what you have done.

Positive, conditional.

Reward.

I dislike you

Negative, unconditional

Hating

I dislike what you have done

Negative conditional.

Punishment.

Good strokes humanize and improve the quality of work life. Strokes

are necessary for physical and mental health. People need strokes for

their sense of survival and well being on the job. In fact strokes are a

basic unit of motivation. Throughout your life you need stroking. As

you grow up, symbolic or word stroking becomes substitute for

physical stroking.

In a work situation the strokes serve as (1) negative or positive

motivators, (2) source of job satisfaction and (3) intrinsic motivators

where the activity of work itself gives strokes.

Guidelines for stroking performance

When some organizations are relatively small, strokes can come easily.

People are able to talk over their problems with their bosses. As

organizations grow larger, people become farther removed from one

another and begin to feel smaller. Remarks such as „Nobody listens;

nobody cares‟ are often heard. This is because strokes become fewer

and more remote. Moreover, when things are running smoothly the

strokes dry up and life become boring. To get some excitement and the

strokes people need, they unwittingly perform poorly so that a crisis

results. It is then that people are able to give and get enough strokes.

To avoid this pitfall it is appropriate to set up a system where

employees are able to get a lot of positive strokes when things are

going well. Some guidelines are given below.

Avoid stroking and undesirable behaviour: People who come to work

on time and do a good job may never hear about it for years. Those

who arrive late and go off early get a lot of attention. This situation

tends to perpetuate „mediocrity‟. What you stroke is what you get.

Following this principle, avoid stroking a person for undesirable

behaviour. Instead, think of the positive behaviour you want and stroke

it.

Positive

Negative

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Time your stroke: To be most effective in motivating a person, a stroke

should come as soon as possible after the desired performance. A late

stroke looses its effectiveness.

Stroke approximation: Stroke with every small improvement in

performance without waiting for complete perfection before stroking.

If you wait until people perform at the mastery level, you may never

stroke them and they may never know they are moving in the desired

directions. Stroke should be commensurate to the level of performance.

Raise the criteria of stroking: A criterion if a rule or guidance for

deciding whether something is acceptable. It is not enough just to apply

stroke approximations. Eventually we want to be stroking masterly

performance, so you must gradually raise your criteria for stroking.

Place your strokes: Give consistent conditional positive strokes

initially and conditional positive random strokes during the later

phases. Never completely stop stroking.

Ear shooting: is a useful technique for stroking and is also called third

hand stroking. When we give a third hand stroke, we do not talk

directly to the person we are stroking, but instead talk to a third party

within ear shot. Negative ear shooting gives negative result and

positive ear shooting is very effective.

Reminders for stroking: A display of record of high performance is an

effective way of stroking people. It reminds the supervisor to stroke

the people, who also stroke themselves when they see the display.

Ways of stroking

Stereo typed stroking: when stroking performance, it is important to be

aware of our pattern of stroking the ego states of others. Sometimes we

do not distribute strokes equally – one ego state may get all the strokes

and others none. People get strokes for being intelligent, decisive,

controlling, self-reliant, dependent, nurturing, decorative or aggressive.

Traditionally women have commonly got strokes for such things as

appearance, niceness, neatness, quietness i.e. strokes for their adapted

child. In contrast men have got strokes for such things as performance,

leadership, decision making, achievement i.e. strokes for their Adult

ego state. These cultural patterns for stroking continue in many

organizations even today, although the roles of men and women have

changed. Since everyone use all their ego state, it is a good idea to

become aware of stereotyped stroking and to move towards more

balanced stroking of ego states. It is complained that female employees


17

are not as self-reliant, decisive or logical as they should be or that men

are insensitive and without feeling, little realizing that stereo typed

stroking had made them so.

Nonverbal Stroking: Stroking is not always verbal (i.e. the spoken

word). It can also be done in non verbal ways (including the written

words) as follows.

Physical touch: This is the most direct and often the most powerful

stroke and involves physical touch – a part on the arm, shoulder, or

back, a hearty handshake or a warm hug.

Body Language: The look in our eyes, the position of our arms,

gestures, postures and facial expressions, all speak a powerful

language. Often our body speaks without our being fully aware of it. It

is important that our body language strokes fit with and compliment

our verbal strokes.

Written messages: If you find it hard to say anything warm or

complementary, it might be easy to express your appreciation through

the written word. On job, a memo or a note that shares information

with employees can be an effective written stroke.

Gifts: Another non verbal way to stroke a person is to give a gift. This

is not about buttering up or bribing someone, but is either a

spontaneous act of thoughtfulness or a planned honour for service of an

outstanding performance.

Strokes for Being

In addition to stroking people for performance, it is also important to

stroke them simply because they are there because they exist. Such

stroking is not only reassuring but it also feels especially good. It tells

others that you know they are there and that you care about them as

people. People need both kinds of strokes positive conditional and

positive unconditional.

Stamps In TA terminology, stamps are feeling that are collected at the end of a

transaction. One can collect stamps from oneself or from others. When

sufficient number of stamps are collected, they can be encashed for a

„prize‟. There are two types of stamps – Gold stamps and Brown or

grey stamps.

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Gold Stamps : These refer to collections of good or positive feelings.

Collecting gold stamps is a constructive activity. Gold stamps are

collected when one does a job well, succeeds in a competitive

examination, and so on. These gold stamps can be encashed for good

times. Seeking relaxation after a productive job is one such example.

Brown or Grey Stamps: These refer to collection of bad or negative

feelings. It is a non constructive activity. In this case, a person collects

hurts, insults and resentments until he feels ready to encash them for a

drink, a day off reporting sick, or by rebelling. When enough stamps

are collected, a person feels justified in indulging in a dramatic

emotional out-burst, feeling depressed or feeling sorry for oneself. It

may also result in activities in the organization such as slowing down

production, sabotaging some equipment or spreading rumours against a

colleague, supervisor, workers or the organization and so on.

Everyone collects grey stamps at one time or the other. It is therefore,

essential to learn of the procedure of giving up grey stamps. The first

step is to learn to identify the bad feelings and their source. Is it

someone else, or is it you yourself who are originating the bad feeling.

If the feeling is self given, then you have to deal with it by analyzing it

and giving it up by getting away from the situation by constructive

action. If the bad feelings are given by someone else, it is best to

clarify the message, if it still persists, then the grey stamp can be given

up by a) sharing the feeling with someone else, b) by physical exertion,

c) by nurturing self-talk, and d) by giving unexpected gold stamp to the

grey stamp giver.

Time Structuring

Everyone needs strokes. One can get the desired strokes by structuring

one‟s time properly. Time structuring helps to relieve boredom and is a

basic hunger in human beings. There are six basic ways in which we

structure our time.

* Rituals : Socially acceptable ways of

greeting

* Pastimes : Superficial exchanges about non-

threatening

subjects like sports, gossip etc.

* Activities : Goal directed behaviour like

work, hobbies etc.

* Games : Recurring transactions with

concealed motivation


19

* Withdrawal : Non contact with others

* Intimacy : Honest, open, loving and trusting

relationship.

Rituals: A ritual is a fixed and socially approved way of behaving

towards other people. Strokes such as „Hello‟, „Good Morning,‟ „How

are you,‟ „Good bye,‟ „Take care‟, is called rituals. Rituals offer a safe,

reassuring and often enjoyable method of structuring time. They give

us an early starting point and enable us to more to more meaningful

ways of relating to each other.

Pastimes: This is a comfortable way of passing time. Gossiping is a

popular example of pastime. When you give a person pastime strokes,

you fill the time with common place topics like weather, sports,

politics, bosses, etc. In the work place pastimes take the shape of

discussions such as „why don‟t we do it this way?‟ Did you hear – the

latest gossip, „Now a days it is not what it used to be‟ etc.

A certain amount of pastime is beneficial in the work place as it helps

people to get to know another better. It gives an opportunity to relax.

However, if it is carried to excess, pastimes take up a lot of productive

time as they are not goal oriented and produce no goods or services.

Activities: These are behaviours directed towards external goals such

as work, hobbies, sports, household activities and social activities. The

work is the most important way of structuring time. Activities can be

very satisfying in themselves through creativity and productivity. They

are very rewarding because of strokes gained from the activity itself

and also from others. Excessive indulgence in activities can cause its

own problem such as boredom and isolation from others.

Games: A game is an ongoing series of ulterior transaction progressing

to a well defined, predictable outcome. Games give us strokes which

are negative pay offs resulting from ulterior transactions. These are

strokes which are very powerful and intense and we continue to feel

them for a long time. Game transactions conclude with an emotional

pay off – a hurtful stroke – which reinforces a person‟s previous

decision that someone is „Not OK‟, either I am OK‟ or „You are not

OK‟. Game players assume one of the three basis roles – Prosecutor,

Victim or Rescuer all of which are phony roles.

Prosecutors are people who

make unrealistic rules

enforce rules in cruel ways

pick on „little guys‟ rather than people of their own size

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Victims are people who provoke others to put them down, use

them and hurt them

send „helplessness‟ messages

forget conveniently

act confused

Rescuers are people who offer a false helpfulness to keep others

dependent on them

do not really help others and may actually dislike helping

work to maintain the victim role so that they can continue to

play rescuers.

The players of a game form a triangle in which they often switch

back and forth in their roles. This way pointed out by Karpman and

is called the Karpman triangle.

People play games

to get strokes

to strengthen one‟s life positions

to avoid or control intimacy

to structure time in a predictable way

to keep re-experiencing a favourite bad feeling

to avoid responsibility for the problems they have

Some common Games

Games that put other down include:

Blemish Players are the office nit pickers. They pick on small,

inconsequential details when more important matters need attention.

If it were not for you (IWFY) People who play this game unconsciously

often feel incapable, unhandy or inadequate. Rather than admit these

feelings, they blame others for their plight.

Now I have Got you, You Son of a Bitch (NIGYSOB): These players lay

traps. They set impossible goals, give ambiguous directions, fail to

provide subordinates with needed job aids, or give hazy standards.

When a subordinate fails to measure up, these players bounce on the

victim and indulge in angry explosions.

Rapo: Women who play rapo have learned to distrust or dislike men

and have taken the position that “Men are not OK”. Men who take up

the position that “Women are Not OK” also play a variation of rapo.

Sexually oriented games are disruptive and especially inappropriate on

the job. In addition, they tend to reconfirm role stereotypes. This is

particularly defeating to women seeking higher position in an


21

organization and to men who are adjusting to the new roles of men and

women.

Psychiatry: A psychiatry player hurts other people with special

psychological language. Guard against playing this game. To make

sure that you are not playing “psychiatry”, be sure that whenever you

use a TA term, everyone within earshot not only understands it but also

agrees to its use. If they do not, do not use it.

Games that we use to put down ourselves include

Wooden leg : A person who plays this game wants to be excused from

work and responsibility. These players often have a burden of some

kind such as a physical or social handicap. Wooden leg players are

often heard to say such things as, “What can you expect from a person

with my background?” or “How can you expect me to operate that

machine? You know:

- I am too short

- I am too tall

- I wear glasses

- My ears are to sensitive to loud noises

- I came from a poor home

- I have always had a bad memory

To play this self-defeating game, players must put themselves

down or see themselves unnecessarily as fragile or dependent.

These players also often get themselves put down by others who

will eventually get fed up and strike back.

Kick Me: These people provoke other people to put them down. They

do this in a variety of ways – for example by:

- drinking excessively;

- violating company policies or procedure

- taking drugs;

- failing to carry out important tasks;

- consistently missing deadlines

Kick me players like being kicked; it is what they have learned to

expect and accept. A hard game of Kick Me on the job often results in

the player being fired. We can also play Kick Me all by ourselves. In

such games players kick themselves by how they talk to themselves in

their own heads – hence this is called a “skull game”! These players

often say things like “How could I have done such a terrible thing? I

could kick myself” “Why did I say that?” How could I have been so

mean to …...”

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Stupid: This is a type of Kick Me game in which players make special

arrangements for putting their brains down. They seem to compulsively

make mistakes so that they can make a fuss and proclaim, “How could

I have done such a stupid thing? Where was I when the good Lord

passed our brains?”

Schlemiel: Although Kick Me players want kicks, Schlemiel players

do many of the same things but seek a different kind of ending to their

game – forgiveness. These players want to be reassured that they are

OK, that they are accepted no matter what they do. To get reassured

these players compulsively makes clumsy mistakes like:

- spilling coffee on the final draft of a manuscript;

- dropping a delicate piece of equipment

- spilling, typing correction fluid on a new rug;

- burning a desk with a cigarette

Each time, they play, they become highly upset and plead for

forgiveness until someone reassures them by saying, “That is OK, Do

not worry about it. Everybody makes mistakes”.

Lunch Bag: Executives who compulsively collect self-righteous

feelings about themselves like to play this game. They try to make

others feel too guilty or too fearful to come to them with their

proposals and requests. The object of playing lunch bag is to feel self-

righteous and to encourage others to think “How can I come to this

humble person with a request for a new facility when he/she does not

even eat a good hot lunch”? The lunch bag game also allows players to

avoid contact with co-workers who do not get a chance to talk over

lunch about their needs and interests.

Harried: It is a dangerous game that can structure a whole lifetime.

These players play the role of superman or wonder woman to hide an

underlying psychological position of “I am Not – OK”. Often they are

the first ones to arrive at work and the last ones to leave. As Harried

persons advance in an organization, they take on more responsibilities

and do more work under excessive pressure to maintain their super

person front. Stress takes its toll, and eventually Harried players may

collapse from nervous tension. Common pay offs are depression, vices,

colitis and even heart attacks.

Effect of Game playing on organizations: Because of their destructive

quality, games in organizations waste energy, time and money.

Problems remain unsolved, decisions remain unmade and important

tasks beg for attention. Games waste productive time in organizations

and affect psychological health of the employees. We have to thus,

stop playing games in the organizations.


23

Ways to stop playing games

Give an unexpected response

Stop putting down people

Build self confidence

Stop playing phoney roles

Give and receive more warm fuzzies

Risk authenticity

Keep your sense of humour

Exchange genuine positive strokes

Spend more time in activity and intimacy

Withdrawal: is the removal of oneself from a situation either

physically or mentally / psychologically. Physical withdrawal involves

actually walking out and removing yourself from other people.

Psychological withdrawal occurs when you turn off awareness of your

surroundings and start day dreaming. There can be many reasons for

withdrawal; fear of getting hurt, mentally leaving a lecture to think

about an idea that struck you, talking to yourself if you are angry in

order to cool off. Both kinds of withdrawal can be positive or negative.

Withdrawal is not helpful when it results in continued avoidance of

responsibility. Withdrawal can be positive. We can withdraw to go for

a walk, read a book, listen to music, or to check out how we feel. If we

can relax or engage in productive mental activity we can give ourselves

positive strokes while we are alone. Sometimes we simply need time to

sort things out, to integrate what is happening to us. When you engage

in withdrawals, you give strokes only to yourself.

Intimacy: It occurs when we are having a heart-to-heart talk and

sharing feelings. When we are coming on straight and being honest.

When we drop pretense and are not afraid to be ourselves. Intimacy is a

„Union of personalities‟, the mentality of two persons in a shared

identity‟, of the word „sex‟ and „intimate‟ are considered

interchangeable. They are not. At best, sex does involve the depth of

intimacy, but sex can certainly occur without intimacy. For example,

sex can be a Saturday night ritual, a pasting for an otherwise boring

evening, an activity for making babies, or a game to hurt or to be hurt.

It‟s important to recognize that the real basis for intimacy is not sex,

but rather an authentic encounter with another person which is open,

honest and game free.

The different facets of Intimacy are listed below:

Aesthetic : Sharing experiences of beauty

Commitment : Mutual self-investment

Conflict : Facing and struggling with difference

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Creative : Sharing experiences of creating

Crisis : Closeness in coping with problems

Emotional : Sharing of significant feelings and

meanings

Intellectual : Closeness in the world of ideas

Sexual: Expression of caring and enjoyment of each

other

Spiritual : The we-ness in sharing ultimate concerns

Work: Sharing of common tasks.

Script Analysis

A person‟s psychological script is a life plan, decided by him before

the age of six or seven – a drama the person writes and then feels

compelled to live out. These plans may be positive, negative or circular

– endless repetition headed nowhere. Everyone has a script. You have

developed yours based on experiences as a child. One potent influence

was your various transactions with your parents (or other authority

figures). These in turn led you to make certain decisions, formulate life

positions, play psychological games, and start the drama of your script.

Without being aware of it, we tend to arrange our environment so that

our script is perpetuated. Once we begin to be more aware of ourselves

we can write a new script, choosing even more successful pathways.

Using T.A. for Success

1. As a Scientist, arrange your ego states in such a way

that your Adult dominates followed by Little Professor,

Natural child, Nurturing Parent, Adapted child and

Critical parent in that order.

2. Get rid of negative Parent tapes

3. Have more open transactions with others

4. Move into I‟m OK – You‟re OK life position.

5. Give and receive more unconditional as well as

conditional positive strokes.

6. Avoid collecting grey stamps and collect gold stamps

7. Structure your time in the following decreasing order

Activity – Intimacy – Rituals – Pastimes – Withdrawal

– games.

8. Never play or encourage Psychological games.


25

Further Reading

Babcock, D.E. and Keepers, T.D., Raising kids OK: Transaction

Analysis in Human Growth and Development, Avon Books,

New York 1977

Barker, D., T.A. and Training, Gower, Hants England 1980

Berne E., Transaction Analysis in Psychotherapy Ballantine Books,

New York 1961

Berne E., Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relations,

Grower Press, New York, 1964

Harris, T.A. I‟m OK – You‟re OK Avon Books, New York 1973

James, M. The OK Boss, Addison – Wesley Reading 1975

Jams, M. and Jongeward, D., Born to Win: Transactional Analysis

with Gestalt Experiments: Addison – Wesley, Reading 1977

Jongeward, D., and Seyer, P. Choosing success: Transactional

Analysis on the job., John Willy, New York, 1978

Morrson, J.H. and O‟Hoarne, J.J., Practical Transaction Analysis in

Management Addison – Wesley, Reading, 197

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