dog on the roof! on the road with mitt & the mutt

7/31/2019 Dog on the Roof! On the Road with Mitt & the Mutt

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B c K g & D vid S vi

on the

roaD wIth

MItt &

the Mutt

DOG

o n t h e

ROOF!


2/13

TouchstoneA Division o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue o the AmericasNew York, NY 10020

This book is a work o fction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products othe authors imagination or are used f ctitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales

or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright 2012 by Bruce Kluger and David Slavin

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereo in any ormwhatsoever. For in ormation address Touchstone Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue

o the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Touchstone hardcover edition June 2012

TOUCHSTONE and colophon are registered trademarks o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For in ormation about special discounts or bulk purchases, please contact Simon & SchusterSpecial Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or [email protected].

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For morein ormation or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-

248-3049 or visit our website at ww w.simonspeakers.com.

Manu actured in the United States o America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library o Congres s Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.ISBN 978-1-4516-9888-6

ISBN 978-1-4516-9889-3 (ebook)

Cover photographs: Winding road iStockphoto.com/Willard;Romney amily Mitt Romney/MittRomney.com

Dog (and author) trainer: Brian DeFiore

For our families. And Gail Collins.


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Authors Note

The events depicted in this book are purely fctitious.

A ter all, who would actually tie a dog

to the roo o a car?

n the summer o 1983, a man rom Massachusetts

decided to take his wi e and fve sonsand their beloved Irish

setter, Seamuson a car trip across America. A captain o in-

dustry blessed with movie idol looks and many, many deeplyheld convictions, the man believed that this cross-country tour

would be a wonder ul way to introduce his children to the beauty

and splendor o their native land. And so he gathered his amily

together and announced the exciting news to them in the den o

their humble home.


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Attention, all Romneys,by power o attorney,

I hereby declare that were taking a journey!

Well travel this nationrom near to a ar

with only one pee break, then back in the car!

Well stick to the schedulethat Mom and I planned.

Youll have an adventureIll bet you ten grand!

Now, Ben, youre in charge othe maps and directions;

and, Tagg, keep me posted on local elections.

And, Josh, Matt, and Craig,well need songs o good cheer

(except or that one about bottles o beer!)

And what about Seamus, our our-legged star?Ill strap him down tight . . .


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. . . to the roo o the car.

WTF?


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Look around, gang,cause this sight is a honey.

The Fountain of Finance!

The Mecca of Money!

Yes, Wall Streets a temple,our nations salvation.

And we are among

its elite congregation.

Stocks are our church,

and bonds are our steepleremember, my sons,

corporations are people!


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As long as youre talkingbout wheeling and dealing,

a bailout is neededon top of this ceiling!


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Although its not ancy.

Or classy. Or pretty.

Americas prideis her motorin city.

This towns an old avoriteo Grandpas and Daddys.

It gave us our ame

(and your mom seven Caddys).

The Japanese? Please!

Let em bow to their Shinto.

You havent met God

til youve fred up a Pinto!


9/13

Theres no town like Motownand I am the proo :

Aint Too Proud to Begcause Im Up on the Roo !


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Now, boys, close your eyes,

or weve hit the rock bottoma city thats ruled

by Gomorrah and Sodom.

A village o sinnerswho clamor or booty,

and bow at the altaro Liza and Judy.

Dont mean to be prissy,

dont want to disparage

theyre ree to cut hair,

but theyll never have marriage!


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These people love Broadway,so how bout a spoo ?Instead o a fddler

a dog on the roo !


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About the Authors

Bruce Kluger and David Slavin (authors) began writing and per ormingsatire or National Public Radios All Things Considered in 2002. Theircultural and political commentary has appeared in the Los Angeles Times,The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, and other newspapers in theLos Angeles TimesWashington Post News Service. Their work has alsobeen eatured on the Hu ngton Post, where they are recurring blog-gers, and Salon.com, which ran their acclaimed Memo to George seriesduring the Bush II administration. Previous books include the satiricalbiography Young Dick Cheney: Great American and Twas the Night Before Christmas: 21st Century Edition . Bruce and David live one block rom eachother in New York City. Both are married, and both have two daughters.

Colleen Clapp (illustrator) has created artwork or, among others, theSmithsonian, NBC News, ABC News, The Chris Matthews Show, and the

Philadelphia Zoo. Her commissions have included public murals, magazineand book illustrations, and portraits and paintings in a variety o media.She has also exhibited her oil paintings in the BaltimoreWashington, D.C.,area. Colleen lives in Frederick, Maryland, with her husband. The couplehas two daughters.


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