CHAPTER EIGHT – RELATIONSHIP ISSUES & TRENDS
Relationship Issues Intermarriage Same-Sex Marriage Infidelity Spousal Violence Divorce
TOP 10 CHARACTERISTICS THAT PEOPLE WANT IN A PARTNER
Honesty Kindness Respect Compatibility Humour Dependability Love Values Religious Commonality Communication
TOP 8 REASONS PEOPLE MARRY
Feeling that marriage signifies commitment Moral values Belief that children should have married parents It is the natural thing to do Financial security Religious beliefs Pressure from family Pressure from friends
Source: Reginald Bibby, A Canadian Hopes & Dreams, published by the Vanier Institute of the Family, 2004
TOP 5 REASONS WHY COUPLES DIVORCE
Different values & beliefs Abuse – physical & emotional Alcohol & drugs Infidelity Career-related conflict
Source: Reginald Bibby, A Canadian Hopes & Dreams, published by the Vanier Institute of the Family, 2004
WHY COUPLES ARE BREAKING UP?BY DONNA MCCLOSKEY (TRANSITION DEC. 1997)
Why are couples breaking up? “Do your own thing” individualism has
eroded the sanctity of marriage Married too young Knowing you partner for only a short time
before marriage Women earning their money
WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO DIVORCE?
15 yrs after the divorce, couples are still not settle, not happy
More complicated, more depleting, more lonely than they expect
Decline in the standard of living Many women are far behind their ex-husband
in terms of education & job experience – most never catch up
Non-custodial father finds his role in his children’s lives somewhat diminished
Divorced man has a larger pool of potential mates than the divorced women
Women are more likely to report psychological symptoms, far more men received repeated or long-term psychiatric hospitalization
More divorced men kill themselves than divorced women
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
Children are more affected by ongoing fights, lower standard of living, a move to a new Neighborhood or mommy’s or daddy’s new “friend” that by the divorce per se
Preschoolers plagued by nightmares, teens 3x more likely to be in psychological counseling, 5x more likely to be suspended or expelled from school
As adults, many avoid intimacy because they fear abandonment, less likely to earn a good income and are more likely to get divorced themselves
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT DIVORCE?
Two-tiered system that would make it harder for parents to get a divorce
Make divorce counseling or courses mandatory before you can get a divorce
Increase public awareness using the radio, TV to encourage divorcing parents to cooperate in the best interest of their children
Offer more and better courses on how to have a good marriage
Intensive marriage education in high school
More people should have access to subsidized counseling through employee assistance plans
DIVORCE IN CANADA
Few countries do not permit divorce There are no written laws on divorce among
Natives prior to European arrival Between 1867 & 1968, the only effective
ground for divorce was adultery Canadian laws derived from English common
law where a double law existed Because divorce was difficult to obtain:
Some sought it in Mexico or USA Some fabricated adultery Some simply separated
DIVORCE ACT 1968
Grounds included: Addiction to drugs, alcohol Desertion for not less than 5 years Separation for not less than 3 years Marital offence – adultery, physical, mental, cruelty • Divorce rate in Canada lower than in UK, USA • Median age for divorce has declined • Average length of marriage for those seeking
divorce is 10.7 years - 1985 • Rates are highest in Alberta & BC and lowest in
NFLD & PEI
DIVORCE ACT 1985
Grounds included: Mental or physical cruelty Adultery Living separate for 1 year
DIVORCE FACTS
More than 30% of marriages end in divorce The older you are when you marry the more likely you
are stay married Average age of males & females at the time of divorce
was 39, 37 Federal law – must reside in province 1 year before
filing Can file immediately if adultery or abuse involved Spousal support is based on level of income, length of
marriage and is payable if, as a consequence of the divorce, there is an economic difference between parties – could be 5 year of lifetime depending on many factors
Must equalize assets that each party is receiving half
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN
40% of children have a difficult time bouncing back – scarred, resentful
Gender & age of child are influencing factors Children can’t take severe, prolonged conflict on a
continuing basis Children need to feel assurance that it’s not their
fault Boys are more prone to acting out, behavior
problems Girls typically turn inward with distrust, become
overly dependent on male
Divorce is good for parents and bad for children – have to mourn and rebuild
Custody & access regulated by Children’s Law Reform Act
Children from divorced homes were lower in self-esteem, school performance, confidence in their future
As adults many avoid intimacy because they fear abandonment
Report low levels of satisfaction with leisure activities, friendship and family life
More likely to get divorced themselves
