Download - issue 48 streetcake
contents–issue48
chris doyle - ground level
stephen philip druce - football isn't special anymore
mandy haggith - suilven
a.j. huffman - frustration
allie moh - fantasy
mark young - 7/7
chris doyle groundlevelWhensomethingthatIsnothingHappensandMyteethvibrateandGrind,IcanonlythinkOfher.Ofhimandhim.WhenmyskinbeginstocrawlAndadarkcloudgathers.WhenIseethatnumberstillInmyphone.WhenIopenDoorsbestleftClosedandboltedandbarredIthinkofthem.Thethree.WhenmybreathcomesIngaspsandshuddersShallowandquickAndIStarttolookinsideWherenothingGoodcanBe.IclosemyeyesandPicturethemeachInfineandintricateDetail.Ithinkofthem.Therestiseasy.
stephen philip druce FootballIsn’tSpecialAnymoreFootballisn’tspecialanymore-notlikewhenIwasakid.Supportersallhadsmilesontheirfaces-footballgroundswerespecialplaces-theyoungandtheold,therichandthepoor,butfootballisn’tspecialanymore,there’stoomucht.v.footballon,sothenovelty’sgone,anilnildraworatenonescore-footballisn’tspecialanymore,thefootballt.v.show-spoiltmid-flow,butthehalftimeanalysis-ascreenintrusion-wehopeditwasentertainment,butthediagramsofcirclesandlinesshatteredtheillusion,ohwhatabore-footballisn’tspecialanymore,footballshirtsonceanicesimplestripyou’dbecarefulnottotear,nowanuglykitplasteredinadvertisingshityouwouldn'twanttowear,ohwhataneyesore-footballisn’tspecialanymore,Thegroundannouncerinsultsthefansbyyellingout-theteamnames-asifthey’retoodumbtoknowwho’swalkingout,twentytwochildmascots-anabsurdapantomimeasyoucanget-playersholdinghandswithkidsthey'venevermet,ohwhatachore-footballisn’tspecialanymore,managersunderduress-topartakeinconferencesforthegutterpress-punishedwithafineiftheysodecline,thet.v.cameraworkofthepitchistoobusy,irrelevantshotsofalltheworstangles-abirdseyeview-fromapigeondangles-spinsroundandmakesyoufeeldizzy,themeaninglessobligatorypre-matchhandshakes-toencouragefairplaygesturefakes,butsnuboutofspiteanditcausesafight-oncewewerefriendsbutnowit’swar,footballisn'tspecialanymore,
t.v.camerasspying-obligedtoshowcloseupsofdramaqueenscrying-fuellingthetensionwithatroubledfacemention,awardingthemattentionascompensationforthesin,oftheheftypricestheywerechargedtogetin-arosyapplewithgreedatthecore,footballisn’tspecialanymore,there’snotoneplayerworthpayingtosee,notonewithcharisma,styleorpresence-notoneyou’dreallywanttobe,theballissolightit’snowaballoon-bouncinghighasaplasticmoon,ifyoukickithard,itwillcatchthekeeperoffguard-swervingtwowaysonitsown,sothescorerstalentisstillunknown,thewinnerscelebratewithanartificialroutine,offireworks,glitter,streamersandconfetti,bouncinglikepuppetsinpaperspaghetti-thesilliestspectacleIeversaw,footballisn’tspecialanymore,football’snowanon-contactsport,promptingdeceitbythepenaltycheat,andplayerswhochoosenottostayontheirfeet,stadiumsnowalllookthesame-likeacoffeeshopchain-bland,soulless,impersonalarchitecture-asifthetackyplasticpicturesontheoutsidewon’taestheticallyaffectya,poorkidsinthecommunityignored,bytheclubsthatdon’tcare-thattheycan’taffordtoevengetinthere,you’llpaythroughtheroof,you’llpaythroughthefloor,becausefootballisn’tspecialanymore,footballisn’tspecialanymore,FOOTBALLISN’TSPECIALANYMORE
a.j. huffman
FrustrationisapillIswallowdaily.Prescribedatmaximumdose,itsuncoatedformstickstothebackofmythroat.Igagonitsdelayeddisintegration,trytoforceitdownintotheabyssofmyoverly-acidicstomachwithtwo,full16.9ozbottlesofwater.Iamdrowningmyselfinthetasteofnothing.ItseemsappropriateasIstareattheemptyrecyclables,seeingmyreflectionintheshadowoftheirexchangerate.
allie moh
Fantasy
Iknowwhatitfeelsliketobeinsomeone’sfantasy,doyou?It’seasy.Allyou
needtodoispickyourtargetaudience,identifyandsetthescene,thedesired
outcome,andthenitallbeginstofallintoplace.Myfavouriteoneisthecinema,
specificallytheRenoirCinema.
Ipilemyhaironmyhead,applyblackeyelinertothecurveofmyeye,wear
awhiteshirtandthen,andvariationshereabound,whetherIgoforanicepairof
jeansorapencilskirt,dependsonmymood.Ienterthecinemarightbeforethey
dimthelightsandtakeaseatdiagonallyinfrontofthemanI’vechosen.Isitup
straight,mylongneckreflectingthelightfromthescreen.IalwayspickaFrench
filmorablackandwhitefilm,soitsuitsthepersonaI’vecultivated.Heisasingle,
welleducatedculturalman.Hehashadlongtermsuccessfulrelationshipsbutwith
justsomethingmissing.He’sleftthemnowandspendstimefindingoutwhoheis
andlivingdifferentliveshewasn’tabletolivewhenhewasleapingfromone
relationshiptothenextinhisyouth.Sohe’sabitofalatebloomerwhenitcomes
todoingthingsalone.Thenheseesme,anequallywelleducatedculturalwoman,
hisperfectmatchperhaps?
Ialwaysleaveinthemiddleofthefilm.UsuallyitisinfactafilmI’veseen
beforesoIknowtheperfectparttostandupandquicklyexit.Ipickanemotional
partsosomethingwillresonatewithhim.Hestopswatchingthescreen,heturns
andwatchesmeinstead,whilewatchingmeleavehefeelslikehe’smissingouton
something,somethingthatcouldhavebeen,somethingthat,ifthefilmshe’s
watchinghastaughthimanything,wasperhapsmeanttobe.That’swhenI’vegot
them.I’vecreatedalastingfigureinhismind,asalluringandseethroughasasilk
negligee.Somethinghe’llrecallwhenhe’slonelyorhorny.
Butthereisadownside,Ican’triskgoingbacktothatcinemaforawhile.
He’llgoback,he’llsearchforme.He’llgotofilmshe’snotinterestedinjusttoseeif
I’mthere.SometimesIcan’tresistandIdogobackbutIdrasticallychangemy
hairstyle,myclothes,comeupwithadifferentpersona.
Igrowattachedtosomeofthesepersonas.They’rehardtoletgoof.That
Frenchstyledoneisalwaysawinner.I’veeventakenhertoothercountries,other
independentandsmallcinemas.There’sartstudent,singlemom,unhappily
marriedwoman.I’mnotreallylyingwhenIplaythesecharacters.Idon’tplay
charactersIcan’trelateto,that’sjusttheft.AndIdon’tbringthecharacters
somewherethey’renotbelievable,that’sjustsloppy.
Ioftenwonderhowmanymen’sfantasiesIactuallyappearin.It’dbe
impossibletotellbutthinkingaboutithelpsmegettosleepatnight,likecounting
sheep.TothinkatthatverymomentallthementhatIcan’tremember,thatonly
glimpsedmeforhalfanhouronceinacinema,arelayingdownjustlikeIamand
touchingthemselvesandthinkingaboutme.Sometimesitgetsmeexcited,but
moreoftenthannotitjustrelaxesmeandIdriftoffintoadeepsleep.
Soyousee,it’sstrangeformetobehere.I’mnotquitesurehowtobehave
insomethingthat’snotofmyownmaking.Idon’tfeelcomfortable.Idon’tthink
thiswasagoodidea.AndnowI’vegoneandtoldyouallaboutmyself,mydarkest
deepestsecret.I’mnotsurewhatyou’llthinkofme.Willyoutrytofindmeina
darkenedcinema?
Oh?Ihaven’ttoldyoumyrealname?Imusthaveforgotten,ormaybethatis
alsopartofthewebI’mweavingaroundyou,toeaseyouintosleeptonight.I’lljust
leavemypurseherethen,shallI?Pretendit’sbyaccident,youcanhaveapeakand
seeifthatrevealsanysecrets.Iwon’tbegonelong,justto‘powdermynose’as
theysay,Imightcomeback,Imightnot,butisn’tthatwhatyou’dliketoknow,as
yousitherewaitingforme,thinkingaboutwhatitisI’mreallydoing?Thisis
actuallyquitefun,thisdate.Ineverthoughtthatappwouldeverworkoutvery
wellforme,buthereweare.Andthereareyou,wonderingifeverythingI’vetold
youisalieorthetruth,butwhicheveryouchoosetobelieve,IknowI’vedefinitely
gottenyourattention.