LISTENINGLISTENING
OBJECTIVESOBJECTIVES• Understand the listening processUnderstand the listening process
• Develop listening skillsDevelop listening skills
WHY LISTENING?WHY LISTENING?(Bolton)(Bolton)
• Words have different meanings for Words have different meanings for different peopledifferent people
• People often “code” their messagesPeople often “code” their messages
• ““Presenting” vs. actual problemPresenting” vs. actual problem
• Speakers may be blind to their Speakers may be blind to their emotionsemotions
• Listeners are easily distractedListeners are easily distracted
• Listeners hear through filters that Listeners hear through filters that distort the messagedistort the message
Active Listening (AL) Active Listening (AL)
• AL is used when:AL is used when:– The OTHER PERSON owns the problemThe OTHER PERSON owns the problem– It’s not your problemIt’s not your problem– You are coming from a place of “helpfulness”You are coming from a place of “helpfulness”
• AL based on:AL based on:– EmpathyEmpathy– Getting in touch with feelings behind the Getting in touch with feelings behind the
wordswords– AcceptanceAcceptance– ConfirmationConfirmation
Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
LEVELS OF LISTENINGLEVELS OF LISTENING(Covey)(Covey)
1.1. IgnoringIgnoring
2.2. PretendingPretending
3.3. Selective ListeningSelective Listening
4.4. Attentive ListeningAttentive Listening
5.5. Empathic ListeningEmpathic Listening
DEVELOPMENTAL STAGESDEVELOPMENTAL STAGES(Covey)(Covey)
1.1. Mimic contentMimic content
2.2. Rephrase contentRephrase content
3.3. Reflect feelingReflect feeling
4.4. Rephrase content and reflect feelingRephrase content and reflect feeling
LISTENING SKILLSLISTENING SKILLS(Bolton)(Bolton)
1.1. Attending Skills (giving physical Attending Skills (giving physical attn.)attn.)
• A posture of involvementA posture of involvement• Appropriate body motionAppropriate body motion• Eye contactEye contact• Nondistracting environmentNondistracting environment
2.2. Following Skills (get out of the way)Following Skills (get out of the way)• Door openersDoor openers• Minimal encouragesMinimal encourages• Infrequent questionsInfrequent questions• Attentive SilenceAttentive Silence
LISTENING SKILLS (cont.)LISTENING SKILLS (cont.)
3.3. Reflecting SkillsReflecting Skills• ParaphrasingParaphrasing• Reflecting feelingsReflecting feelings• Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to
content)content)• Summative reflectionsSummative reflections
LISTENING BLOCKSLISTENING BLOCKS(Covey)(Covey)
• Evaluating – we agree or disagreeEvaluating – we agree or disagree
• Advising – we give counsel based on Advising – we give counsel based on
our experienceour experience
• Probing – we ask questions from our Probing – we ask questions from our
frame of referenceframe of reference
• Interpreting – we try to understand Interpreting – we try to understand
based on our motives and behaviorbased on our motives and behavior
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATIONBARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
• JudgingJudging
– CriticizingCriticizing
– Name-callingName-calling
– DiagnosingDiagnosing
– Praising evaluativelyPraising evaluatively
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATIONBARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
• Sending SolutionsSending Solutions
– OrderingOrdering
– ThreateningThreatening
– MoralizingMoralizing
– Excessive/Inappropriate QuestioningExcessive/Inappropriate Questioning
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATIONBARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
• Avoiding the Other’s ConcernsAvoiding the Other’s Concerns
– AdvisingAdvising
– DivertingDiverting
– Logical argumentLogical argument
– ReassuringReassuring
PERCEPTUAL BARRIERSPERCEPTUAL BARRIERS
• Frames of ReferenceFrames of Reference
• SemanticsSemantics
• FilteringFiltering
• Selective ListeningSelective Listening
• Value JudgmentsValue Judgments
• RelationshipsRelationships
LEFT-HAND COLUMNLEFT-HAND COLUMN
• Left-column represents thoughts and Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated.not articulated.
• Right-column is what was actually saidRight-column is what was actually said
• Organizations (and people) develop Organizations (and people) develop topics that are tabootopics that are taboo
• When your left-hand column is active When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listenyou are diminishing your ability to listen
Example #1 of Active Listening Example #1 of Active Listening (AL)(AL)
SenderSender: “I was really annoyed when I : “I was really annoyed when I presented Tom’s findings at the presented Tom’s findings at the meeting. They were loaded with meeting. They were loaded with errors.”errors.”
Non-AL ResponseNon-AL Response: “Well, Tom said you : “Well, Tom said you were in such hurry to get the stuff, were in such hurry to get the stuff, he didn’t have time to check them.”he didn’t have time to check them.”
AL ResponseAL Response: “I imagine that caused : “I imagine that caused you great embarrassment.”you great embarrassment.”
Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
Example #2 of Active Listening Example #2 of Active Listening (AL)(AL)
SenderSender: “Finance is holding up my : “Finance is holding up my expense check for some dumb expense check for some dumb reason and I am broke.”reason and I am broke.”
Non-AL ResponseNon-AL Response: “That doesn’t : “That doesn’t surprise me. The way you write surprise me. The way you write they probably can’t read them.”they probably can’t read them.”
AL ResponseAL Response: “I can tell this is : “I can tell this is really annoying you.”really annoying you.”
Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
Example #3 of Active Listening Example #3 of Active Listening (AL)(AL)
SenderSender: “I just can’t believe how : “I just can’t believe how ridiculous the feedback is we’re ridiculous the feedback is we’re getting from XYZ.”getting from XYZ.”
AL ResponseAL Response: “Sounds like the : “Sounds like the quality of feedback has…”quality of feedback has…”
……disappointed you.disappointed you.……let you down.let you down.……upset you.upset you.
Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
Example #4 of Active Listening Example #4 of Active Listening (AL)(AL)
SenderSender: “Oh, I guess this project’s : “Oh, I guess this project’s going okay…”going okay…”
AL ResponseAL Response: “Sounds like this : “Sounds like this project…”project…”
……has you down in the dumps.has you down in the dumps.
……is discouraging you.is discouraging you.
……is leaving you weary.is leaving you weary.Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
Example #5 of Active Listening Example #5 of Active Listening (AL)(AL)
SenderSender: “That system design : “That system design meeting went like a hot knife meeting went like a hot knife through butter…”through butter…”
AL ResponseAL Response: “I gather that…”: “I gather that…”
……you’re pleased.you’re pleased.
……you’re excited.you’re excited.
……you’re pumped up.you’re pumped up.Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
Active Listening Active Listening PhrasesPhrases
•Sounds like…Sounds like…•Seems like…Seems like…• It seems to you…It seems to you…•From where you From where you
stand…stand…•You think…You think…•Correct me if I’ve Correct me if I’ve
misunderstood…misunderstood…•Let me see if I’m Let me see if I’m
getting this right...getting this right...
•You believe…You believe…• I’m sensing …I’m sensing …• I’m picking up I’m picking up
that…that…•Could it be that…Could it be that…•What I hear you What I hear you
saying is that…saying is that…• If wonder if you’re If wonder if you’re
feeling…feeling…•Let me check this Let me check this
out with you...out with you...Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.
CAPTAIN COOK CASECAPTAIN COOK CASE
• Begin the role play by having the manager explain Begin the role play by having the manager explain why the meeting has been requested. why the meeting has been requested.
• Continue until a resolution has been reached or time Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. is up, whichever comes first.
• Try to use listening skillsTry to use listening skills• The manager and employee should fill out the left-The manager and employee should fill out the left-
hand column worksheet. hand column worksheet. • The observers should complete the observer The observers should complete the observer
worksheet.worksheet.• Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and
the wait person should describe how they felt during the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict.from their usual behavior in the face of conflict.
• Group discussionGroup discussion• Class discussionClass discussion
