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Love Theories
Day Two
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The Triangle Theory of LoveRobert Sternberg
• Passion, intimacy, and commitment• Varieties of love occur b/c of the
ways people combine these elements.
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Theory of Love
• Liking= Intimacy alone• Companionate love = intimacy +
commitment• Romantic love= intimacy + passion• Infatuation = passion alone• Fatuous (shallow) love= passion +
commitment• Empty love= commitment alone.
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Ideal love according to Sternberg
• Consummate love= combines all three ingredients.
• Most relationships romantic passion subsides and intimacy increases. Why?
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Attachment Theory of Love
• People acquire their attachment styles in large part from how their parents cared for them.
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The attachment theory of Love. Philip Shaver and Cindy Hazan
• There are three forms of attachment:
secure
avoidant
anxious-ambivalent
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Securely attached lovers
• Secure about their position in the relationship.
• Rarely jealous or worried about being abandoned
• Adults: they report having had warm, close relationships with their parents.
• Parents were benevolent and kind• Based on surveys: 59% of adult pop.
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Anxious/ ambivalent Lovers
• Always fretting about their relationships
• Want to be close but worry that their partners will leave them.
• People describe them as “clingy”• Adult: report feeling more
ambivalence toward their parents, esp. mothers
• Parents were punitive and kind• Survey 11% of adult pop.
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Avoidant Lovers
• Distrust and avoid intimate attachments
• Adult: describe their parents in almost entirely neg. terms
• Parents were cold, punishing, and rejecting
• Survey: 25% of adult pop.
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Summary of the three types
• Anxious = I often worry that my partner will stop loving me.
• Avoidant = My partners often want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.
• Secure= Sometimes people see me as boring because I create little drama in relationships.
• Rarely: a person can be the combination of anxious and avoidant.
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Results
• Mismatched attachment styles can lead to a great deal of unhappiness in a relationship, even for people who love each other greatly.
• Goal: tap into a more secure mind-set and finding secure role models.
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The End