Download - (Our) Beaver

(Our) Beaver.W i n n i p e g’s s at i r e m a g a z i n e .

An incredibly serious article on Chuck E. Cheese’s by John Gaudes

&Time machines and Winnipeg’s would-be subway system by Joel Nickel

spring 2011.

Winnipeggers’ Piggybacking Habit

an editorial by John Gaudes.

The Beave Is Dead.

a puppet memoriam by Sara Harrison.

(Our) Beaver.Volume 1, Issue 1

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(Our) Beaver.volume 1. issue 1.

spring 2011

Editor -In-Chief:Palmer Fritschy

Content Editor:Sara Harrison

Copy Editor: Joel Nickel

Layout Editor:John Gaudes

(Our) Beaver was founded in 2011 by four Red River College Creative Communications

students who wanted to make life a little funnier for Winnipeggers with nothing better

to do. With winter eight months a year, we hope you find time to crack open

(Our) Beaver and laugh along with us.

For subscription information, send courier:(Our) Beaver Offices

160 Princess St.Winnipeg, MB R3B 1K9

Follow us on Twitter at @OurBeaverMag for magazine updates and hilarious insight.

Come for the weather, stay for the parking.

WINNIPEG

With 154 estimated surface parking lots downtown, you’ll be sure to find a safe(?), windy and desolate space to park your car. There’s room for 20,000 vehicles, so feel free to take up several dozen spaces at a time!


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(Our) Beaver. Volume 1, Issue 1

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(Our) Beaver. The Staff.

Table of Contents

Feature Articles9 hierarchy of human rights by palmer fritschy

14 From tokens to dollar bills by john gaudes

17 The Winnipeg Subway System by joel nickel

20 pinching or tossing your pennies by sara harrison

editorial11 going out in a blaze of glory by sara harrison

22 winnipeg loves a good piggyback by john gaudes

3 about the magazine

6 letters to the editor

joel nickel Joel Nickel, a first-year Creative Communications student, grew up surrounded by technology. With not much else to do in his small hometown of Morden, Manitoba, Joel delved into saving the princess, collecting all the chaos emeralds, leveling up his Final Fantasy characters and defeating Ganondorf to restore peace to the kingdom of Hyrule.

Joel plans to continue his persuit of writing the Great American novel, in Canada. And he hopes to win the lottery.

palmer fritschyPalmer Fritschy, a first-year Creative Communications student, is the Editor-in-Chief of (Our) Beaver. A dedicated consumer of news media, Fritschy regularly checks four online news sources a day

Fritschy is proud to introduce (Our) Beaver and implores all readers to submit your input to the editors, so your opinions may go unacknowledged.

john gaudesJohn Gaudes is a first-year Creative Communications student who seems to be liked because he is polite and rarely late. After spending many years

perfecting the craft of journalism, Gaudes is expanding his horizons by writing groundbreaking work for (Our) Beaver on a full-time basis.

Gaudes once aspired to be a doctor or lawyer, but upon considering it for twenty minutes, he now plans to make it in the relatively easier world of

public relations.

sara harrisonSara Harrison is a first-year Creative Communications student. She previously attended the prestigious University of Winnipeg for the

Rhetoric, Writing, and Communications program. Harrison interned as co-editor of the arts and culture section of The Projector newspaper. She

became a household name when published in the Winnipeg Free Press’s On 7 publication.

Harrison is majoring in journalism to shine a light on important topics and issues in the feline world. Harrison hopes write for Cats & Kittens

magazine in North Carolina and Your Cat online magazine in the United Kingdom to fulfill her love for writing about felines.


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lett

ers

to t

he

edit

or.

Dear (Our) Beaver,This letter is in regards to the bicycle courier I hit last week with my car. I didn’t see you when I made the illegal turn but I’ve seen you often downtown. Did we have a connection? Please reply when you get out of hospital...

Randy EndiveCharleswood/Tuxedo

Dear (Our) Beaver,There’s been lots of talk about the Phoenix Coyotes returning to play in Winnipeg. My concern is, how will the cheerleaders be chosen? I’d like to suggest the girls down at Solid Gold on Notre Dame Avenue. They’re classy, their surgery scars are barely visible and they speak only minimal English, making complaining virtually irrelevant.

Joe WendellSt. Boniface

Dear (Our) Beaver,First off, let me say that normally (Our) Beaver’s website makes me laugh and, being senile, this is a good thing. That being said, I was downright disgusted by your blaming of seniors in the online article, “Grandpa, please don’t take the wheel”. The rise in accidents at Winnipeg intersections is not completely due to the aging population, as proposed by your “beat reporter” Mr. Nickel. As a 75-year-old Korea veteran, I would just like to say that driving is one of the last things old people have left. We already get blamed for everything else, don’t blame us for your accidents too. Hooligans.

Richard T. WatsonFort Rouge

Dear (Our) Beaver,According to the City of Winnipeg’s by-law 2443/79 Section 20.2 (3), pit bulls are deemed too dangerous to be allowed as pets, but why can’t we have them as protectors?

My family lives in the Maples area. We’ve noticed the recent increase in gang activity around the city, and my husband and I have been trying to figure out how to protect our family. We don’t feel comfortable keeping a gun in the house, of course. My goodnes, that would be dangerous. So we’re thinking we would train a pit bull to protect our kids from potential harm instead.

Lynn Webster, a veterinarian who performed pit bull breed identification for the city, said large dogs of many breeds can “make a mess of you,” with specific reference to pit bulls.

My husband and I think that with this kind of reputation, gang members will definitely avoid causing any harm to our family. We would train our dog to be kind and affectionate to our family but protect us from the scum that terrorize our streets.

After some research, we found that pit bulls are not mean dogs unless they’ve been treated poorly, but this could be said about any breed. If someone were to mistreat their Chihuahua and it bit someone, they would just flick it off and carry on. The only difference would be that a pit bull would do more damage because of their size. But maybe the issue isn’t with the dogs. Maybe the issue is with the owners. “Pining for a pit bull”Maples

Dear (Our) Beaver,I’m offended. Your publication makes fun of all types of things from local politics to religion. Yes, Sam Katz kicked a kid in the head while playing a soccer game with inner city youth. Yes, the potholes in Winnipeg are big enough to bathe in when it rains. Yes, Christianity is the belief in a cosmic jewish zombie who is his own father and will grant you eternal life if you symbolically eat

his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your lord and savior. All of this so he can remove your sins, which in a roundabout way, he himself invented when he told Eve, a woman created from a rib, not to eat the fruit from a certain tree but was tricked into eating it by a talking snake. And we all know that Barack Obama is not a secret Muslim, but in fact, a secret scientologist.

But you seem to have left something glaringly obvious out of your magazine. The Flying Spaghetti Monster. The religion itself is a parody of religion. Bobby Henderson, a physicist from Oregon, brought the religion into the mainstream in 2005 when he wrote a letter to the Kansas State Board of Education after they ruled that intelligent design had to be taught in the classroom as an alternative to the theory of evolution. In the letter, Henderson asked for Pastafarianism, the belief that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created all life, be taught alongside intelligent design and evolution. He reasoned that because the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified “intelligent designer” that any of the pantheon of gods could fit that role.

Interesting side note, ten of the central tenants of Pastafarianism are Flying Spaghetti Monster’s chosen people. They are pirates who believe global warming is caused by the steady decline in the number of pirates in the world.

After exploding as a viral meme on the internet, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has become a symbol for the fight against religion in the classroom, as well as religion in general.

I’d like to see an article done in your publication about Henderson, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or both. Come on people, this stuff writes itself!

Jason Statham (no, not that one)fort richmond

Dear Confused,

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We are working on an article as we speak, or, I guess, type this? Well, I’m not working on it as I type this since I’m working on typing this… yes, we will have an article on the Flying Spaghetti Monster for you soon. Thanks for your letter.

(Our) Beaver Staff

Bruce won’t really bite...

Come meet Bruce, Canada’s largest mosasaur at the Canadian Fossil Discovery Centre in Morden, Manitoba. Tour the museum, join in on workshops, or discover a fossil of your own on a dig tour. Open year-round from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m.

Because he’s been dead for 80 million years.

www.discoverfossils.com


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Pterodactyl Mail: c/o PreCambrian Credit Union Pangea That ridge by the volcano that killed all those Triceratops last summer.

he Canadian Museum for Human Rights, Canada’s first national museum to be built outside of the Ottawa capital region, is slated for completion in 2012, however; certain cultural groups are upset at the prospect of not having a permanent exhibition on display in the museum.

Lubomyr Luciuk, director of the Ukrainian Canadian Civil Liberties Association (UCCLA), has been vocal on the subject, publishing an op-ed piece in the Kingston Whig Standard last month that details his views on

the museum’s selection process.

“A disproportionate share of the museum’s permanent exhibit space will emphasize Jewish suffering in the Second World War, elevating that horror above all other crimes against humanity,” said Luciuk in the Whig Standard.

So what other cultures in this city aren’t receiving the acknowledgement they think they deserve? A walk through one of our city’s vibrant communities will reveal a plethora of outspoken

groups eager for representation in our national museum.

Phil Jack, has brought his modified car down to Portage Avenue every cruise night despite being ticketed every time he does so, a total now over 15 tickets. “It’s just not fair, with the modification costs, and the tickets, I can barely afford the modification costs,” said Jack.

Jack is just one of Winnipeg’s numerous victims of over-policing on

Hierarchy of human rights.by Palmer Fritschy.

Which cultural groups are being ignored by the Canadian Museum for Human Rights?

T

Photo by Palmer Fritschy


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cruise night. Oppressed for violating what he feels are too-stringent regulations on vehicle modification, Jack feels like he’s being ticketed for his art.

“Every week in the summer, I’ll drive down Portage Ave on Sunday night with my lowered car and modified muffler, all in the hopes of standing out, like a peacock. But I keep getting oppressed by the cops for my obvious beauty,” said Jack.

Jack is in the midst of mobilizing his comrades who have been persecuted by the Winnipeg Police Service (WPS). They plan to submit a letter to the museum asking for representation and if that isn’t offered by the museum, Jack has

sworn to round up his posse and do donuts outside of the museum, spraying mud everywhere in the process.

Other groups feeling disenchanted by the exclusive nature of the human rights museum include the squeegee kids. Found most often along Broadway and Osborne Street, they attempt to earn a living from cleaning windshields from motorists in traffic.

The WPS has recently decided to crack down on this marginalized group, claiming their presence along the boulevards and streets is creating dangerous situations for pedestrians and motorists.

“My brethren—the squeegee people—and I, are a beloved group. The people of this city will not stand for our oppression, and we will most certainly be seeking representation in the human rights museum. We’re an attractive, visually appealing subculture, and the human rights

museum would be remiss to not include an exhibition on us,” said Billy Blanca, who has spent eight years cleaning our city’s streets, windshields and windows.

If Blanca and his contemporaries are not allowed to continue their service along our city’s streets, who will clean the dirt off of Jack’s car after he ruins the museum’s front lawn doing donuts?

If Jack and his crew do indeed bring their customized cars on the front lawn of the museum, they may be trudging over ancient burial grounds of the area’s First Nations’ people.

Manitoba archaeologist Leigh Syms has stated that the excavation of the museum site done prior to the beginning of construction was not thorough enough.

Although museum officials said they consulted aboriginal elders during the construction process, others remain unconvinced of their attention to detail.

Sidney Sage, a student at the University of Winnipeg studying aboriginal governance, claims to be very superstitious and has a bad feeling about the museum.

“With such rich aboriginal history around the Forks, it’s hard to believe that they uncovered everything that was buried over time at

that site. Those bones and artifacts have been around for centuries, and that’s plenty of time to become haunted,” she said sternly.

Suffice to say that the Canadian Museum for Human Rights’ selection process has been controversial. What other contentious issues lie in the future for the museum? Will history look back on this museum and identify its construction as a human rights offense? “The people in charge of the museum’s selection committee have made some powerful enemies,” said Jack from underneath his car, as he installed some illegal undercarriage lights.

“Don’t be surprised if you’re visiting the museum and you can’t hear anything other than ear-popping muffler sounds.”

“my brethren - the squeegee people - and I, are a beloved group.

the people of this city will not stand for our oppression... we’re an attractive, visually appealing subculture- Billy blanca

“but I keep getting oppressed by the cops

for my obvious beauty.”- phil jack

Car modifiers claim that police are head-hunting them and are looking for representation in the Canadian Museum for Human Rights.

going out in a blaze of glory.

“I’ll miss watching people trying

him on. he was a good listener and a great drinking buddy.”

- Adam Rickner, on “The beave”

innipeggers who grew up in the 1990s are mourning the loss of their childhood entertainer, the Beave, from the MTN Kids Club. The Beave faced a fiery death on February 25 in his home in Royalwood after a fire was caused by the house’s floor joists.

No, not the guy who played the Beave, Adam Rickner, but the actual puppet.

Only the finest for our favourite childhood star though, as he perished in a fire that caused damage up to $1 million to the Rickner home.

As Rickner tries to pick up the pieces and rebuild, he remembers his longtime friend, the Beave, and how much he enjoyed their time together.

“The tapings were always fun. No scripts, just me (the Beave) and Kevin Dunn (Buckley), we knew each other well, like a well-oiled comedy machine.”

Rickner said he will miss bringing the puppet out for people who used to watch the Beave and Buckley show when they were kids.

“I’ll miss watching people trying him on. He was a good listener and a great drinking buddy,” said Rickner.

Drinking buddy? The Beave’s forms of entertainment must have changed over the years.

Rickner, who now works as a graphic designer for CBC

Radio-Canada, posted the news of the Beave’s death on Facebook after the fire.

He posted “R.I.P. Beave” and received many messages of condolescences from fans. Among this was one from the Beave’s closest friend, Kevin, who was the voice of Buckley.

“I was afraid to ask. Buckley looked quite distraught this morning and I didn’t know why...”

The I sure do miss MTN Kids Club with the Beave and Buckley Facebook group has 75 group members on Facebook that will remember the Beave with Rickner.

Die-hard fans should be seen laying flowers and tokens of memorium in front of the Beave’s home on 36 Westwater Drive.

by Sara Harrison.

Adam Rickner, who was the voice of the Beave on MTN Kid’s Club.

“I was Afraid Toask. buckley looked quite distraught this morning and I didn’t know why.” - Kevin Dunn, who was the voice of Buckley

W

Photo by the Winnipeg Sun

Photo by Adam Rickner

Photo by Adam Rickner

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we are more than just a summer drink...because we know you party year round.

we are the most interesting drink in the world...

Without needing an old man holding our bottle.

we are proudly resting on our laurels...

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we are the freshest,cleanest,and most popular malt beverage in the world.

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from tokens to dollar bills.by John Gaudes

or college and university students in Winnipeg, the property at 1931 Pembina Highway has a unique grasp on the memories of those who have been there. Over the years, it has played host to days young adults can’t remember because it was too long ago, and nights they can’t remember because they drank too much.

Yes, 1931 Pembina Highway, the home of one of Winnipeg’s newest and hottest night clubs, Rock Bar, was, throughout the 90s, the house of Chuck E. Cheese himself. Alongside childhood attractions that have also since been closed such as Adventure City and Darkzone (both at the corner of Corydon and Osborne), Chuck E. Cheese’s holds a special place in the memories of those who attended. The restaurant featured

age-appropriate games for kids, rides, prizes, and entertainment by an animatronic band.

“Every time you went to Chuck E. Cheese’s, it was an absolute treat,” says Brett Ryall, a 22-year-old student at the University of Winnipeg, “You knew that the best birthday party location was that place, and you always went to any invitation you had there.”

Suzanne Coté, a 20-year-old graphic designer, remembers last going to Chuck E. Cheese’s when she was eight years old, and her best memories are of the campy restaurant mascot, Chuck E. Cheese.

“I remember he would come around to give kids high-fives or hugs. There was often a ponytail sticking out of the costume [if it was worn by a girl] and everyone would punch Chuck E. or pull on the ponytail that wasn’t supposed to be there,” remembers Coté fondly.

Alas, like Coté’s and Ryall’s childhood, Chuck E. Cheese could not last. After it’s closing in 2000, the property at 1931 Pembina Highway remained barren until it was bought by the promotion and marketing staff, headed by Winnipegger Cary Paul, responsible for the long-running Palomino Club on Portage Avenue. They turned Chuck E. Cheese’s into Coyotes Nightclub, an adult venue, and the property never looked back. After eight years

of being one of Winnipeg’s hottest spots, Coyotes also closed and was rebranded into a Manhattan-themed club called Vivid Nite Club & Lounge.

However, after less than a year since its opening, a well-publicized car chase damaged the reputation of what as, up until that point, one of Winnipeg’s hottest locations.

According to an article in the Winnipeg Sun, in the early morning of May 16, 2009, four men were put into police custody after chasing a Toyota Yaris with their BMW throughout Fort Garry. The chase involved gunfire, and would begin and end in the parking lot at Vivid. With Winnipeg’s citizens already concerned with bar violence, this was the beginning of a slow decline in

traffic for Vivid and its property. On November 25, 2009, Vivid Nite Club & Lounge closed its doors for good.

However, on August 20, 2010, the doors at 1931 Pembina Highway opened once again. Under new

management, with a new rock music theme, Rock Bar opened to an eager audience of post-secondary students at the University of Manitoba who were only a short drive away. For those who attended Chuck E. Cheese’s in the 90’s, years had passed, and those kids were now young adults.

Brett Ryall points out the strange experience he had going into the building where he once exchanged tokens for stuffed animals, and where he now goes to drink on Friday and Saturday nights.

“It’s strange knowing that the same stage which used to house the old automated band at Chuck E. Cheese’s now actually serves a real band,” says Ryall, “Hard to believe that an old childhood paradise now serves as a drinking establishment.”

Suzanne Coté, upon entering Rock Bar for the first time, was also surprised by the difference, but for different reasons than Ryall.

“The building for Rock Bar isn’t all that big now that I’m older,” she says, “I wonder how [Chuck E. Cheese’s] could have fit the games, the eating area, the stage with the creepy puppets, and the climbing tunnels that felt like they went on forever in there. Now it’s just a dance floor, a couple bars, and some couches and tables. Weird how perception of space changes.”

So now those quarters that once powered game machines now go to the bartenders at Rock Bar. A generation of 20 to 25-year-olds in Winnipeg now have the odd experience of remembering a building both as a childhood birthday party hotspot and as a winning night club experience.

“That’s just the way the world works I suppose,” says Ryall, “The way I see it, that property grew up, as have I.”

F

Rock Bar is one of the hottest clubs in Winnipeg today. Ten years ago, it was a childhood paradise

Suzanne Coté was an avid Chuck E. Cheese-goer when she was young, and is now part of a generation who remembers 1931 Pembina Highway for two very different reasons.

“i wonder how they fit the games, the eating area, the stage with the

creepy puppets, and the climbing tunnels that went on forever.

...Weird how perception of space changes.- suzanne coté

Photo by John Gaudes

Photo by John Gaudes


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ust so you know, Winnipeg was supposed to get a subway system in 1959.

Winnipeg? With a subway system? What would this look like?

I can already imagine the warmth of the underground station amid the dreaded January chill.

Luckily at (Our) Beaver we have a corporate time machine for exactly that purpose. Of course we haven’t used it since we got our hands slapped for messing up the voting in Florida in the 2000 American election. But that wasn’t really our fault. That incident was caused by drunken interns who found the machine during a staff Christmas party.

Sorry, Gore.

However, on this excursion I promised I would use the machine for purely scientific purposes.

Before I left on my journey I had to do some research. I mean, an underground, heated transit system for the use of commuters in one of the coldest places in the world? That would just make too much sense and Winnipeg city councillors weren’t known for making a lot of sense. Hello, police helicopter!

But sure enough, I found mentions of a Winnipeg subway system in a July 27, 1981 copy of the Winnipeg Sun and a December 11, 1963 copy of the Winnipeg Tribune. I couldn’t wait to go see this myself, but my research still wasn’t complete yet.

I spoke with Jim Jaworski, an archivist with the Transit Riders’ Union of Winnipeg from the TRUWinnipeg website. “We did have a plan for a

subway system back in 1959 already,” said Jaworski. “Norman Wilson, who designed the Toronto subway system was comissioned to design ours.”

There were three proposed lines: one going from Queen to McPhillips, another from Weston to McGillivray and the last from Nairn and curving around to St. Anne’s.

That would’ve been amazing. I was astonished, looking at the map of the proposed subway system. I’d only have to walk a blog or two to the Grant Station and I wouldn’t even have to switch lines to get to school. I could get off at the Adelaide Station and be at Red River College’s Exchange District Campus in no time.

I was quickly becoming excited about seeing this for myself. I rushed over to the (Our) Beaver building and made my way to the room marked: (Our) Beaver Time Machine Room and pulled the protective cloth off the machine, dusted it off and sat down inside. As I exuberantly turned the key and

it sputtered to life, I was unnerved by the clunky and slightly unsafe sounds the machine emitted, as if one of the belts wasn’t as tight as it should be. It was an American-made time machine after all. We wouldn’t have had this problem with a Japanese-made machine, but we’re only a local publication and don’t have the funds for one of those fancy-shmancy foreign time machines.

Anyway, I set in the coordinates.

March 4, 1959.

The date Wilson had noted in his report entitled: Future Development of Public Transit in Greater Winnipeg. I pressed the button labeled: press button to go through time. In hindsight, we didn’t really need the label. We only had one button. There were lots of levers, but only one button. It was

the winnipeg subway system.by Joel Nickel.

J

An underground, heated transit system in one of the coldest

places in the world?

that would make too much sense.

Winnipeg was oh so close to a subway system in the 50’s. Where did we go wrong?

her friends told her to get a room with her dinner

because she liked it so much.

But they didn’t think she would take them so

seriously.

be satisfied by everything The Line up has to offer.

Indulge yourself in The LineUp’s enticing menu.

98 Albert St.&

333 St. Mary Avenue Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Photo by Joel Nickel


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labeled in a pretty font though.

The world, er, the storage room around me dissolved and I was in 1959. I wasted no time finding Norman Wilson’s house and let myself in. At this point I should mention that along with the time machine, we also had these nifty invisibility watches that allowed us to pass unnoticed through the past. That would probabably be helpful information. Suck on that, Harry Potter!

Wilson was in his study and I could see him finishing up his report. I peered over his shoulder.

“Prior to the introduction of public transit service,” I read over Wilson’s shoulder, “cities of necessity were limited in size and greatly overcrowded. People were compelled to live close to their place of daily work, for few could afford the up-keep of private metres of transportation.”

“It was the coming of the street car, just over one hundred years ago, that brought about the segregation of residential and business areas. It expanded the area of urban living from a radius of two miles at most to three miles with horse drawn vehicles, and to six miles or more upon the introduction of electric traction.”

I realized that riding horses was infinitely worse than waiting for a bus.

Wilson skimmed ahead.

I read the headline: Stage Program of Subway Contruction.

I hoped it would be more interesting than it sounded. Wilson had a 9 Stage plan to construct 23.15 miles of subway tunnels underneath Winnipeg at an estimated cost of $449 million. Of course, that figure would rise

substantially when inflation was factored in. $449 million back in 1959 was worth a heck of a lot more than it would be today.

Unfortunately, whether Winnipeg would’ve benefited from a subway system is a moot historical point, since sadly, nothing ever came of it. In fact, after the report, rather than implementing Wilson’s plan, the City decided to dismantle the trolley system as well as the train to Grand Beach and instead implemented the bus system we have today.

I left, enveloped in my watch-

generated invisibility, and returned to the (Our) Beaver time machine. I slowly set the coordinates back to my own time and disappointedly treaveled back to 2011.

There would be no underground station.

No mass rapid transit.

I’d still have to wait for the bus in the cold.

But for a brief moment, Winnipeg was on course to have their own subway system.

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

Hunter S. Thompson

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eaning forward in her white metal-framed chair, 85-year old Angela Plithon remembers when all money had a similar worth to what the penny does today. Plithon, who was 13-years old by the end of the 1930’s, said that the coin’s worthlessness reminds her of the Great Depression, a worldwide economic recession, when her family didn’t have two pennies to rub together.

“My parents struggled during the Depression to put food on the table and find ways to pay for everything because having money meant next to nothing. Money wasn’t worth its production costs, much like what the penny is facing now.”

Canadians, like Plithon, are waiting for the penny to drop as the federal government considers recent information regarding the one-cent coin’s worth and sanitary issues.

In weeks leading up to the New Year, a report from the Canadian

Senate Standing Committee on National Finance (CSSCNF) recommended that the federal government cease production of the one-cent coins. The report said the cost of manufacturing a penny is half a cent higher than it’s worth, signaling what could be the beginning of the end of the penny

era.

This isn’t the first time the demise of the coin, which has been in production since 1858, has been considered by government finance officials.

“Pennies are dirty, smelly, and germ-ridden. They are also heavy to carry to the bank when rolled,” pointed out in The Future of the Penny in Canada: Market Study of Implications prepared by Altitude Market Research for the Royal Canadian Mint (RCM) and the Department of Finance in 2007.

However, there are still some who oppose the idea of getting rid of the penny. David Howden, assistant professor of economics at St. Louis University, put his two cents into

his blog Mises Daily recommending that Canadians must fight to keep the penny. According to Howden, the penny acts as a copper-plated steel brake on inflation.

“In times of inflation, pennies become increasingly costly to mint. As the Bank of Canada inflates money supply, the cost of minting a penny grows. In a way, this simple rise in cost acts as a brake on the bank’s inflationary ways. The Bank of Canada is constrained to a certain level of money supply by a tool of its own creation - the simple penny.”

Howden warns that the penny’s possible extinction could abolish all restraint the Bank of Canada has on the inflationary rate. He said that since the 1980’s, the Bank of Canada has increased the production of money by 8.6 per cent annually, while the output of goods has only increased by 5.6 per cent, causing Canadian prices to increase.

“Long live the penny!” encourages Howden on his blog, as he suspects its termination will lead to the end of the nickel, quarter, and possibly, one day, the loonie and toonie due to increased inflation.

Though on the minds of many Canadians with change purses or piggy banks is what would happen to the one-cent coins if they were to become obsolete.

“I have years worth of pennies lying around here. What will I do with them if they become worthless? They won’t even be good for penny poker anymore,” mused Plithon, who said she has jars full of odd change in her bedroom closet.

Pinching or tossing your pennies.

“What will I do with [the penny] when they become worthless?

They won’t even be good for penny poker anymore,”

-Angela Plithon

Angela Pliton sits in her kitchen playing a round of penny poker.

by Sara Harrison.

Winnipeg’s landmark, the Royal Canadian Mint.

The Altitude Market Research report discusses the RCM buying back stocks or financial institutes accepting them as legal tender for approximately a year after production stops. Christine Aquino, director of communications at the RoyalCanadian Mint, stated that the RCM is responsible for manufacturing and distributing currency in response to the Canadian marketplace and does not control the fate of the penny. Aquino said it is up to the Government of Canada to make the decision based on market research.

“The Senate Committee on National Finance released a report to the Government of Canada Finance Department recommending a one-year cease production period with a public one-cent redemption program where people could exchange their pennies at the bank,” explained Aquino.

The report recommended that the Government of Canada consider producing small quantities of the coin for purchase strictly by collectors. The senate also

suggested that not-for-profit organizations collect pennies for fundraising currency to aid in the collection of the out-of-production coins.

The finance department keeps in regular contact with RCM, examining coinage issues. Though the decision to scrap the penny lies in the hands of the Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty.

Though Canada wouldn’t be the first to cease the one-cent coin, obviously. In the past, other countries like Australia, New Zealand, France, Britain, and Norway dropped the low-domination coins in favour of altering prices to the nearest five cents.

1 Keep out that morning sunshine by placing a penny in the bottom hem of your curling curtain.

2 Only have four pieces for a five-player match of Monopoly? Pitch in a penny as the missing token and you have yourself a game.

3 Need to get at your Macbook’s battery on the fly? Carry around a penny to act as a makeshift screwdriver.

4 Not adult enough for those “child-proof” lids? Pry off the top to those chewable tablets with the help of the faithful penny.

5 Immerse yourself in good luck. Hide a penny on the doorframe of every room in your home.

6 Boost your odds of winning the scratch lotto by using your lucky penny.

7 Post down that Post-It that keeps curling its way up on your desk.

8 Steal yourself a wish and toss them over your shoulder. The wishing well won’t know they’re worthless.

9 Slushy snow seeping into your penny loafers? You know what to do. Fill those holes with the only thing that knows how.

10 Wondering if you’re awake or dreaming? Let the trusty penny be your talisman, like DiCaprio’s top spinner in Inception.

(Our) Two Cents on How to Re-use Your Pennies:

L

Photo by Sara Harrison

Photo by Sara Harrison


22

his is Lady Gaga’s story. For it to become Maria’s story, that has to come from something else.”

That’s a quote from Gilles Paquin, artist manager at Winnipeg’s Paquin Entertainment who, in a CTV Winnipeg interview, debunked a lot of Winnipeggers’ hopes and dreams.

Of course, he is talking about Maria Aragon, the three-minute YouTube 10-year-old “superstar” wonder child and, according to the reactions of those who live in this city, the first person ever to make it famous off of YouTube videos.

Seems like these days a lot of young Winnipeggers are finding ways to get their name out there by simply piggybacking off the successes (or misdeeds) of celebrities.

Jarrett Moffatt, a Creative Communications graduate at Red River College, went viral off of the

recent Charlie Sheen marathon of crazy, grabbing the domain livethesheendream.com.

The website is simple. It’s one page, where by clicking on Sheen’s veiny, cocaine-fueled head, you get a nonsensical quote from the fallen star.

Hilarious? Yes. A ticket to superstardom?

Probably not.The intense overwhelming excitement of Winnipeg’s press and citizens over these two “accomplishments” is the result of some misunderstandings among our city folks.

One. Being on the cover of the Winnipeg Sun does not make you famous. All it does is put you in elite company with 25,000 Blue Bombers, 65,000 police officers, and over two million mugs of local rapists and pedophiles (numbers are estimates).

Two. Having a celebrity pick up on you covering their work is more luck than a proof of your talent. When you type “Born This Way” into YouTube, you get over 1,300 results. Do you think Lady Gaga went through each one looking for the one person from Winnipeg, Manitoba? I understand we have a great city, but I doubt that’s how it happened.

Three. Cuteness only gets you so far. Actually, upon looking at Justin

Bieber’s career arch, never mind.

Our city has produced its share of talent. Cindy Klassen, that woman who was in that one Greek movie, The Guess Who (when they were good), Cindy Klassen, and of course, the honourable Lloyd Axworthy just to name a few. Who’s to say that Moffatt and Aragon can’t move on and hit it big?

Singing superstars need a record deal to truly cement themselves and I would be a bit nervous to get behind someone like Lady Maria. We’re so hot on the tails of another young Canadian making it big by posting covers on YouTube that it would just seem like copycatting. Perhaps Gaga can give Maria a studio opportunity, that would certainly pass off the reigns.

But probably not.

All this being said, I wish the best for Moffatt and Aragon. The former clearly has himself a sense of humour and although his fifteen minutes lasted about four, there’s always a market for somebody smart enough to grab a domain early when they have a good idea. And Lady Maria, you will always remain in the hearts of the Filipino community, even when the rest of us have forgotten what made you famous and needlessly arrogant in the first place.

Here’s hoping her diva stage comes real soon.

Lady Gaga alongside Maria Aragon at a concert in Toronto.

Winnipeg loves a good piggyback.by John Gaudes.

“This is Lady Gaga’s story... Maria’s story has to come from something

else.”- Gilles Paquin

“T

Photo by Will-W

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