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Title:RhymesoftheRookies
Author:W.E.Christian
ReleaseDate:October27,2004[eBook#13886]
Language:English
Charactersetencoding:ISO-646-US(US-ASCII)
***STARTOFTHEPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKRHYMESOFTHEROOKIES***
E-textpreparedbyAlHaines
RHYMESOFTHEROOKIES
SunnySideofSoldierService
by
W.E.CHRISTIAN
1917
TotheColors
Here'stotheRedoftheFiringLine;Here'stoaWorldWhite-Free;
Here'stotheBlueoftheYankeeSign;Here'stoLiberty!
--W.E.C
To
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THEODOREROOSEVELTColoneloftheRoughRiders
Who,morethananyotheronemangivesoutTheSpiritandtheMeaningoftheAMERICANSOLDIER
CONTENTS
MYBUNKIEOUROFFICERSPAYDAYTHEARMYGROUCHWEANINGTIME"HANDSACROSSTHESEA"THEHIKEA-B-COFARMYLIFEASOLDIER'SPRIMERTHETALEANDWAILOFAROOKIE
AMARINE'SHYMNHERE'STOTHESIXTEENTHHIKINGINTHEPHILIPPINESTHEMOUNTAINBATTERYSONGTHECAVALRYSONGTHEREDGUIDONTHECONSCRIPTTHESLACKERPREPAREDNESS"BEANS"ADVICETHESCENTOFTHECOCOAMENOFTHEHOSPITALCORPS
GARRISONLIFETHEPHILIPPINITISTHEEASTISA-CALLINGTELLYOURTROUBLESTOTHECORPORALOFTHEGUARDGENERALORDERSOFTHEKITCHENPOLICEISHEASOREHEAD?FUNSTONYEAR2016INCHIHUAHUAWITHPERSHINGINMEXICOOLDBALDY"KAISERBILL"THERAWRECRUITSERVINGINTEXAS
O'REILLY'SGONETOHELLONTHE"BORDER"ROUTINETHEUNIFORMINTHECOLDGRAYDAWNOFTHEMORNINGAFTERTHEOTHERSIDEOFTHEPOSTERARMYFEVERONETOTHEARMYBEANLITTLETHINGSSING-A-SONG-A-SIXPENCE
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QUEENOFMAYAYOUNGROOKIE'SLAMENTDANNYDEEVERBALLADPUZZYLAPPINSACYNIC'SVIEWOFARMYLIFETHESONGOFTHESHOVELANDTHEPICK
ARMYSLANGENGLISHARMYSLANGWORDSTOTHEARMYTRUMPETCALLSFIRSTAIDINCASEOFACCIDENTSFRENCHMONEYENGLISHMONEY
MYBUNKIE
He'smostlygnarlsandfrecklesandtan,He'dsurelycomeundersociety'sban,He'saswearin',fightin'cavalryman,But--he'smybunkie.
He'sweatheredthewindsoftheWesternwaste.(You,gentleChristian,wouldcallhimdebased)Andhe'slovedathiseaseandmarriedinhaste,Hasmybunkie.
InaPhilippinepaddyhe'ssleptintherain,Whenhe'sdrunkrottenboozethatdrivesyouinsane,Andhe'softencourt-martialed--yes,overagain,Ismybunkie.
He'sbeenontheboozethewholebloomingnight,Tomountguardnextmorningmostawfullytight,
Thoughhe's"dressed"likeasoldierwhengiven"GuideRight,"He'smybunkie.
Hedoesn'tknowBrowningorIbsenorKeats,ButheknowsmightywellwhentheothermancheatsAndhelickshimandmakeshimthelaughofthestreets,Doesmybunkie.
HestandsbyandcheerswhenI'mhavingfun,Andwhenitisoversays,"Prettywelldone,"Buthetakesalargehandiftheyrushtwotoone,For--he'smybunkie.
WhenTapshasblownandallthetroopisasleep,Wenudgeeachotherandgingerlycreep,Towheretheshadowshangheavyanddeep,Iandmybunkie.
Andthenwhenthefire-fliesflitteringroam,Wesitclosetogetheroutthereinthegloam,Andtalkaboutthingsappertainingtohome,Iandmybunkie.
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Iftheslowtropicfeverisa-shakingmyspine,Andtheyblow"bootsandsaddles"tochasethebrownswine,He'llgivemealeg-upandridemeinline,Willmybunkie.
AndifIgethit--hisarmgoesaround,Andraisesmetenderlyoffoftheground,Andthewordsonhislipsareacomfortingsound,Thewordsofmybunkie.
OUROFFICERS
I'mgoin'tobedischarged,sir;Mytimeisnearitsclose,Iwanttotellyou,cap'en,You'rethebestthecountrygrows.Theyain'tnomaninalltheworldCanbeatthearmyman,ThatwearstheshinylegginsandThatdoesthebesthecan.
I'veseenthem,sir,inbattle
Withthebulletsflyin'round,I'veseenthemlyingwoundedWiththeblood-stainsontheground.I'vewatchedthemwhenthefeverWasa-ragin'inthecamp,I'veseenthemnursethecholera--A-wrestlingwiththecramp.
I'veseenthempintothatol'flagAnotherglorymore,ThatmadethestripeslookbrighterThantheyeverdidbefore.Theyweren'twinningV.C.'s,either,
ButbecausethecountrysaidForthemtogo,theywent.Theydoneitorthey'redead.
We'velotsofmenofthiskindan'Ofcourse,we'vesomethatain't,We'llcoveruptheirfacesInthepicturethatwepaint.I'llfollowmenlikeyou,sir;Youcan'tgotoofastan'far,You'reofficersandgentlemenLikeCongresssaysyouare.
IwishIcouldre-up,sir,Tillyougetyoursilverstars,I'msureyou'lldothemcredit,sir,Asyouhavedonethebars.IknowIshouldn'ttalksomuch,ButsomehowI'minclined,Onleavin'theoldoutfitJusttospeakthecompany'smind.
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PAYDAY
Oh,it'searlyinthemorning,Themulesbegintosqueal,Youhearthecooksa'bangin'pansTogetthemornin'meal;TheBugler,sorto'toodlin,OutsidetheColonel'stent,Andyoukindo'feeldownhearted,'Causeyourlasttwobitsisspent.
Withaleggin-stringyou'refussin'Whenthebandbeginstoplay,Andyoulisten,andstopcussin',--Whatisthatthebuglessay?Oh,it'spay-day,pay-day,pay-day,Andthedrumsbegintoroll,AndtheysuredocarrymusicTothebustedJohnnie'ssoul.
Somethinkaboutthegirlsthey'llget,Andsome,aboutthebeer;Somesaythey'llsendtheirmoneyhome,
Andallbegintocheer.Thegameswillsoonbegoin'Snapyourfingersatthedice;Withthecanteenspigotsflowin''TiltheBarkeep'soutofice.
Forit'spay-day,pay-day,pay-day;Can'tyouhearthebuglescall?TheprivatesandtheNon-Coms,TheofficersandallHavebeenwaitin',waitin',waiting'Tilthey'rebrokeorbadlybentForthecoinsstackeduponblankets
Andtableinatent.
Fifteendollarsinthemornin'Bytheevenin'inthehole;And"PrivateJonesisabsent,Sir."WhentheSergeantcallstheroll.Theofficersarelookin'upThe"ArticlesofWar";There'ssixteenintheguard-house,AndtheProvosthassomemore.
THEARMYGROUCH
WhentheGrouchgetsupatreveille,Heputshiselbowonhisknee;Hisheaduponhishand;Andtho'he'sslepttenhoursormore,Hisbackisweak,hisfeetaresore,Andhecanhardlystand.And,ashegoestogethischow,Hesays,"ByGosh!--Idon'tseehow
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Asoldierlivessolong.ThespudsisrottenandtheslumIsalwaysworsethanonthebum.Thecoffeeistoostrong.ThatcowwaskilledtenyearsbeforeTheyorganizedthisbloomin'war;Theseflapjackstastelikewood."Andsohegrowlsthroughalltheday,Andfillshiscomradeswithdismay;They'dkillhimiftheycould.When"FirstCall"wakesupBillyLott,HesitsuponhisArmycot,Andwhistles"CaseyJones,"Andashejumpsintohisshoes,Hesays,"ByJinksI'vehadasnoozeThat'sgoodforskinandbones."AndBillyalwayshasasmileThatyoucanseeforhalfamile,Andwhenhestopstosay,'HowDo!'HechasesdimplestoyourcheeksThatstaythereforacoupleofweeks,Andhemakesyouhappytoo.
WEANINGTIME
(ToA.W.D.)
Mothers,O,yemothersoftheland!Withbroodsofsisters,brothers--handinhand--'Tisweaningtime.ClipyethethreadThatapron-stringsthelad!Givehimhishead!PluckfromyourteattheclinginglipThatshouldbetightwithvalor'sgrip!"Youweremychild-in-arms,"shesaid;"SuckledIyou,andgaveyoubed;
Butnowyouaremyman,myson.Forbattlelostorbattlewon,Go,findyourcaptain;takeyourgun,TostandwithFranceagainsttheHun!Recknotthattearsmightwetyourcrib;NorfearmyfondlingofthebibYouwore--whenyouaregone.Yourmotherwillnotbealone;Herlove-matewillbeDutyDone:Hernightswillkissthatmidnightsun.Iftears?TheywillbetearsofJoy,Forhavingmilkedaman,myboy.Farewellandlive,heartofmyheart.
Godsteelmysoul!Ibidyoustart!Hegoes!GodknowsIidolhim.AndmaynobackwardglanceUnheartmenow.ToFrance!ToFrance!FairFranceofLaFayette'sromance.Myman-in-armsadvance,advance!Takedownyourgrand-sire'scrimsonedlance!Forman-wideFreedomandforFrance!"
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"HANDSACROSSTHESEA"
We'reoffforFrancetomake"Fritz"danceTothetuneofshotandshell.We'llmarchrightintooldBerlin,AndgivetheKaiserhell.
TheFrenchareright--they'llholdthefight,AndBritish"drives"arefine;ButPershing'sboyswillfindbuttoysInthe"Hindenberger"Line.
Weleaveheartsdear--thecoastweclearFortheocean'swideexpanse.AsubmarineontheoceanseenWillhavebutlittlechance.
Thecauseisjust--yetmorewetrust--FortheHonordebtweoweCanne'erbepaid.'TwasthetimelyaidOftheFrenchmanlongago.
ForLafayetteiswithusyet,Stillheldinmemorydear.Ourheartsnowburntogivereturn,Whilehisnameweallrevere.
Oh!we'reofftoFrance--wewantachanceAttheecstaticthrillOfbeingtheretohaveashareInthefuneralof"KaiserBill."
THEHIKE
Theordersare,"Preparetohike!"Sopackyourwarbag.Hitthepike.Throwbackyourshoulders--keepthestep,Forthisiswherewegetthepep.
"Preparetohike,"theordersare.Anddon'tyoudaretoaskhowfar.We'llgetwhat'scoming,don'tyousee?Sowhat'stheoddstoyouandme?
Preparetohike!Rollupyourkit.Straponequipment.HittheGrit
Yourcornswillripenontheroad,--Justparethemdownwhentapsare"blowed."
We'rebilledtohike--thebuglesblow."'Tiscolumnright"andoffyougo.Civilianswatchaswepassby--Wewatchthegirlieswinktheeye.
Prepardnessistheslogannow,Andrumorsaysthere'llbearow--
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ArealoneontheWesternFront.We'redrillingforthisspecialstunt.
Preparetohike!Getinthegame.Yourfeetgetsore,butdon'tgolame,Justsetyourjaws,withstiffenedlip,Andholdthelineswithsandand"zip."
Warmaybe"Hell."Soletitbe.Yet,mustbefought,iflibertyIsstilltoreignuponherthrone,--Elseallislost.Thebestisgone.
Preparetohike!OncemoreIsay.Roundoutyourmusclesforthefray.Life'snotworthlivinganymore,ShouldTeutonforceinvadeourshore.
A-B-C-OFARMYLIFE
AistheARMY,Withitsshot,anditsshell,
BistheBATTLEThatmakestheWar,Hell.CistheCAVALRY,DashingandBold,Disthe"DOUGHBOY,"Whomthetrenchesmusthold;E,ENGINEER,Wholaysouttheplot,Fthe"FIRSTAID,"Withstretcherandcot;Gisthe"GUARD,"Our"Border-Patrol"--HisHEADQUARTERS,
Thehigh-rankingrole.IistheINFANTRY,That'shotontheHike,JisJAW-BONE,Oh,"Pay-as-you-like";KistheKITCHEN,Wheretheyturnoutthe"stew,"LisLANCE-CORPORAL.Whoranksjustafew;MistheMESS,Wheretherationsareserved,Nis"NON-COM,"Whose"Stripes"aredeserved;
OistheOFFICER,"Spickandsospan,"PisthePRISONER,Who's"undertheban,"QistheQUARTERS,With"lightsoutatTaps,"RistheROOKIE,Whomeveryoneraps,SistheSERGEANT,Whokeeps'eminline,
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TisTATTOO,Three-quarterspastnine,UistheUNIFORM,Buttonssobright,VistheVOLLEY,ThatsettlestheFight;WtheWAGON,With"fourArmymules,"XtheeX-soldier,Whoseardornowcools,YistheYOUNGSTER,Justoutofthe"Point,"Z--can'tyoutellThisline'sout-of-joint?
ASOLDIERSPRIMER
Aman,ahat,ablouse,agun,Callthisasoldierjustforfun.Adogtent,blanket,candle,match,Hishomeisbuiltwithraredispatch;Withhardtack,bacon,armybeans,
Armylifeisnotwhatitseems.Adampcoldnight,achinghead,Thenextdayfever-soldierdead.Thestoryisbrief(weknowitwell),Andplainismoral--"WarisHell."
THETALEANDWAILOFAROOKIE
WhenIwasyoungIsaidtomyself,Chooseacareerandstartafterthepelf,Earlytobedandearlytorise,
You'resuretogetwealthyandawfullywise,SoIstartedouttolookaround,Butnicefatjobsweren'teasilyfound.
However,whiletakingawalkdownthestreet,Abrightcoloredpostermyeyesdidgreet,"YoungMenWanted."Isaid,"That'sme,"AndsteppedupclosersoIcouldsee."JointheArmyandseetheWorld,"Myfingersaroundmylastdollarwerecurled.
SoIwentaroundwheretheyhungouttheflag.Butthat7-yearhitchmademyinterestlag.
Theyexplainedit,however,andmadeitquiteplainThattojointheArmywouldbemygain.SohereIaminthedamnPhilippines,Theyfeedmenothingbutbaconandbeans.
Thelandofthegoo-gooisnoplaceforme,Thereasonporqueiseasytosee.Ineverwasstrongforbugsandlizards,Ortheamoebicbugthatticklesyourgizzards.Ihaveareverseonfleasandsnakes,
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AndIhatethenoisetheGekkomakes.
Ihavethreesquarefeetofpricklyheat,Andsomedhobieitchthatcan'tbebeat,I'vehadthedengueandalsothefever,OfalldiseasesI'vebeenthereceiver.I'mbittenbyallthat'sinventedtobiteus,AttheendoftheyearI'llhavePhilippinitis.
Alongcentipedejustcrawledinmybunk,Thistropicalserviceiscertainlypunk,Notachanceintheworldtogooverthehill,Andhalfmytimeisspentinthemill.ButwhyshouldIworry,I'llsoonbefree.A"G.C.M."doesthetrickforme.
AMARINE'SHYMN
FromtheHallsofMontezuma,TotheshoresofTripoli,Wefightourcountry'sbattlesOnthelandasonthesea.
FirsttofightforrightandfreedomAndtokeepourhonorclean,WeareproudtoclaimthetitleOfUnitedStatesMarine.
FromthePestHoleofCaviteTotheditchatPanama,YouwillfindthemveryneedyOfMarines--that'swhatweare;We'rewatchdogsofapileofcoalOrwedigamagazine,Tho'helendsahandateveryjob,WhowouldnotbeaMarine?
Ourflag'sunfurledtoeverybreezeFromdawntosettingsun,WehavefoughtineveryclimeorplaceWherewecouldtakeagun;InthesnowoffaroffnorthernlandsAndinsunnytropicscenes,Youwillfindusalwaysonthejob--TheUnitedStatesMarines.
Here'shealthtoyouandtoourcorpsWhichweareproudtoserve,Inmanyastrifewehavefoughtforlife
Andneverlostournerve;IfthearmyandthenavyEverlookonheaven'sscenes,TheywillfindthestreetsareguardedbyTheUnitedStatesMarines.
HERE'STOTHESIXTEENTH!
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(_AtoastbyanofficeratSanAntoniobanquet_.)
Here'stothe"SixteenthCavalry,"A"Colt"thathasjustbeenfoaled;Bredwithno"Past,"--butaFuture,WhichTrainingandTimewillunfold.
This"Colt,"withhismilk-teethgivespromiseOfgrowingtobesomefinehorse,Andifwegivehim"rightraising,"Besurethathe'll"comeacross."
Our"Colt"isas"sound"andas"quiet"Asanyoldhorseyouwillsee,And,asforhis"fitconformation,"--That'sjustasfineascanbe.
Here'shopingthathegetsgood"grooming,"Good"grazing'"--good"stable"--good"stall;"Sowhentheysound"BootsandSaddles,"The"Colt"cananswertheircall.
Here'shopingthathegetsgood"forage,"Well"watered"--with"all-fours"wellcleaned;
AndnothavetopatrolthehotBorder,--Atleast,--untilheis"weaned."
We'llswearbythis"Colt,"whois"hoof-marked"Withthe"16thCavalry"brand;Andwe'llwarrantwhenhe"cutshismolars,"He'llbeasgoodasthebestintheland.
We'llseethathegetsfearlessriders,Whoare"kindly"andknowevery"aid;"Soifeverabattleisbrewing,He'llgotothe"Charge"unafraid.
He'llcomparewithallCavalryhorses,No"I.C."marksforhisneck;Instead,uponhisnewbrow-bandResettedBlueRibbonsbedeck.
Nomatterthe"sire,"nomatterthe"dam,"His"strain"is"pure-blood"--tho"unregistered"yet;He'll"runinthemoney,"--whenputtothetest,To"wininthestretch,"--onthatyoucanbet.
Sohere'stothe"SixteenthCavalry,"TheyoungestofCavalry"mounts;"Hehasn'ta"Past"anda"Pedigree,"
But's"all-horse,"--andthatiswhatcounts!
HIKINGINTHEPHILIPPINES
(_FromaMarine'sDiary_)
(AONE-DAYHIKE)
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RiseandShine,thebugle'scalling!Springuplivelyfromyourbeds!Intolinewe'llsoonbefalling--Shakealeg,yousleepyheads!
Bettermakeahastytoilet,Liketheotherfellowsdo,ForI'llguaranteeyou'llspoilit,Longbeforethedayisthru!
Betterseetheshoesyou'rewearingHaveaheavypairofsoles;Oryou'lldosomeawfulswearingWhentherockscomethrutheholes!
HaveyourcanteenfilledandreadyHaversackswungonyourbelt,WhereitwillswinggoodandsteadyAnditsweightisscarcelyfelt!
Atyourbreakfastdon'tyouhurry--Eatanotherdishofbeans;Foryou'llneedit--don'tyouworry--HikinginthePhilippines!
Upthedustyroadwe'vestarted--RoutStep--walkingatourease;Soontheevenlinesareparted--Allarewalkingastheyplease.
LongbeforethesunhasambledO'erthegreenhillsonourright,Faralongtheroadwe'verambledIntheearlymorninglight.
Thruthenarrowtrailwe'rewalking,Stickingtothenarrowpath.
Justbehindussomearetalking,'Wayaheadwehearalaugh.
Nowaslenderbridgewe'recrossing,Overtoa"goo-goo"farm--WhereaCarabaoistossingUphishead,ingreatalarm.
Herewestoptorestatrifle--Sipadropfromourcanteens.Gee!It'stoughto"pack"arifle--HikinginthePhilippines.
'Roundthenarrowpathwe'returning;Thoit'searlymorning,yet.Downthesunisfiercelyburning--Bringingoutthedropsofsweat!
WherethetropictreesareshadingOutthesunlightoverheadLeggings,shoesandall,we'rewadingThruashallowriver-bed.
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YoucanhearthebamboocrackingUnderneathourheavytread,Whiletheforesttrailswe'retackling--Following,wherewearelead.
YouhavegottobeaHikerTokeepupwiththeseMarines,Notabigfour-flushorpiker--HikinginthePhilippines!
Wherethebigmangoesaregrowing,Wehavehalted--StackingArms,Faraway,arooster'scrowingOnoneofthenativefarms.
Underbranchesofbigpalmtrees,Wearerestingeasynow--WelcomingthecoolingseabreezeWhilewe'rewaitingforourChow.
PlainestfareisafiestaWhenyou'veHikedforhalfaday;AndalittlenoonsiestaHelpstopassthetimeaway!
LikearibbonallunraveledStartsthelineathalfpasttwo,TherearenewtrailstobetraveledBacktooldOlongapo!
THEMOUNTAINBATTERYSONG
1.
Fallin.Fallin.Attention,youred-leggedmountaineers,
Withyourgunandpackandboxoftack,"non-coms."andcannoneers,BaptizedinMindanao,besidetheSuluSea.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.
2.
I'dratherbeasoldierwithamuleandmountaingunThanaKnightofoldwithspursofgold,aRoman,GreekorHun,ForwhenthereistroublebrewingtheyalwayssendformeTostarttherowwitharow,row,row,fromamountainbattery.Tostarttherowwitharow,row,row,fromamountainbattery.
Here'stopackandaparejo,thecradle,guntrail,Andthatdarnedoldfool,thebatterymule,thatwasneverknowntofail.Soraiseyourglasseshighanddrinkthistoastwithme:Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.Here'sHow,andHow,how,how,toamountainbattery.
THECAVALRYSONG
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Come,listenuntothissong,I'mashappyascanbe,I'mmasheranddasherintheU.S.Cavalrie;Istandupstraightwithlegsapart;bowedslightlyattheknee,Withfoldedarmsacrossmychest,'tistheposeoftheCavalrie.
Chorus:
SofillyourglassestothebrimAndbraceyourcouragewithslowgin,IwilltellyouallitisasinToserveintheInfantrie.
I'macavalrymansofierceandbold,asoldierthruandthru,Irideahorsebecauseofcourse'tistheproperthingtodo.Iwearmyspursbothnightanddaythateveryonemaysee.WhateverelseImighthavebeen,I'mnotintheInfantrie.
WewenttofighttheChinahordewithsabre,horseandgun.We'dmeetthemandwe'dbeatthemjustthewayitshouldbedone;Butweleftourhorses,cornandhayoutontheshipsinTakuBayAndconsequentlyhadtostaywhilethedoughboyshikedaway.
I'mamanofexperience,I'vebeentoFortMonroe,I'vegarrisonedFortHamiltonandthePresidio.
IwentouttothePhilippinesandintheWalledCitie.IfoughttheFilipinoWarintheCoastArtillerie.
Chorus:
Somakewayfortheredstripeman,TheprideofourarmeeAndlethimtellthegloriesofTheCoastArtillerie.
AboutanothersoldiermanI'dliketosayaword:He'sneitherfishnorfleshnorfowl,butheisabird,Hefindshiswayo'erforeignseasbysunandmoonandstar,
ButhecouldnotfindhiswayacrosstheIslandofSamar.
Chorus:
Somakewayfortheweb-footmanThegoodU.S.Marines.Theyneedfourguidesforeveryman,OutinthePhilippines.
THEREDGUIDON
Come,fillupyourglasses.I'llgiveyouatoast.We'lldrinktotheredandtheblue,Thefirstinthebattle,thelastfromitspost,Oldcomradessofaithfulandtrue.Here'stofriendswhohavepassedo'erthelastlongdivide,Theirspiritisstillmarchingon,AsitdidinthedayswhenwemarchedsidebysideAswefollowedtheredguidon.
Chorus:
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Thenhere'stothecrossedcannons,theyneverwillrun,Thelimberandrollingcaisson,TheclankofthecollarandrumbleofgunAswefollowtheredguidon.
We'vesoldieredtogether,braveheartsevertrue,We'vemarched,wehavefoughtandwe'vebledForthedearoldflagwithitsred,whiteandblueThatfloatsinthebreezeoverhead.We'vejokedandwe'velaughedaroundthecampfire'sredglareFromCubatodistantLuzon,Aswetoldtheoldstoriesthatdriveawaycare'Neaththefoldsoftheredguidon.
Come,tossoffyourtankards,we'lldrinklonganddeep,Braveheartsevergallantandtrue,Tofriendswhonowrestintheirlongpeacefulsleep,Whoonceworetheredandblue.We'llprovetrueinthefutureastheyinthepast,Oldcomradesofgunandcaisson;We'llfightliketruesoldiersfromfirsttothelastAswefollowtheredguidon.
Chorus:
Thenhere'stothecrossedcannons,theyneverwillrun,Here'sthelimberandrollingcaisson,TheclankofthecollarandrumbleofgunAndHurrahfortheRedGuidon!
THECONSCRIPT
"Lifeisreal;lifeisearnest"--butaGambleafterall,"TenmillionConscripts"areansweringtheCall;
TenmillionmenofwhichIamOne--Whatwerethe"odds"when"thewheelwasspun"?Whatwerethe"odds"thatFatewouldselectMeforaConscript--anotherreject?FatewastheGambler;Iwasa"chip,"Deathwasthe"stake"heldinLife'sgrip;IamaConscriptplayedinFate'shand,WhentheGame'sover--howwillIstand?Death,willitlose,orLife,willitwin,Who'llbethe"winner"atthegreat"Cash-in"?TenmillionConscriptstoanswertheCall,Andatthegusts,theleavesmustfall:Withsubmarineslaunchingtorpedoesbelow,
Whichtroopshiptoatomsaretheytoblow?Ghostsofdiseaselurkingincamp,Spectralsicknessintrenchessodamp;Tenmillionbulletsrippingtheair,WhichConscripttobestricken,andwhenandwhere?Tenmillionshrapnelshriekingo'erhead,WhichConscripttoreckonamongtheirdead?Thousandsofwounds,a-gapingandwide,Whowillrecover,andwhowillhavedied?Millionsofmotherssoanxiousathome,
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Whowillwearcrepeforlovedones,alone?Millionsofsweetheartswho'llweepo'erthe"lists,"Whichloversthelipsne'ermoretobekissed?AllisaGamble--thisWar-GameofChance--ThelifeofaConscriptoverinFrance.The"RouletteofLife"isspinningsofast,The"redballofDeath"mustdropinatlast;Whichnumberswillwin,whichnumberswilllose,The"odds"orthe"evens,"the"reds"orthe"blues"?YetHopeisthe"Banker"andHewillrepayThechancesthatConscriptsmusttakeinthefray;AndFate'saGoodsport,when"dealingthecards,"He'llgive"Fifty-fifty"toConscriptforodds.
THESLACKER
Whydon'thevolunteertoserveInUncleSammy'sgrandreserve?Heknowsquitewellhiscountry'scall;Hasnoregardforthis,atall.Heneverthinkstodohispart,BecausehehasaSlacker'sheart.
Hewalksalongthestreetquitespry--Tofeignindifferencehemusttry,Whensuddenlyhetakesaffright,It'sjustapicture(whatasight)OfUncleSamwithpointingfinger.Takeitfromme!Hedoesn'tlinger.
"Whydon'tyoudoit?doitquick!"TheSlacker'sskullisverythick.Itneverpenetratesthegray,WhatUncleSammy,hastosay."IwantyouNOW!"Oh,whataMutt.
Thewordsfallonabrainlessnut.
Heliedonregistrationday--Conscription'slawhe'llnotobey.Heseeksthenuptialvowstotake,Oranyotheruselessfake.Whateverelse,he'llneverfight.HehastheSlacker'sear-marksright.
Oh,whatauseless,shamelesspest,Ablotonhumankindatbest.HisfeelingsareforSELFalone.Hewouldnotgiveadogthebone.
Beholdhisattitude--hispose.TheSlacker'sringisinhisnose.
Forcountry'scall--forcountry'ssake--ForLibertyhewillnotstakeHisbit,norwillheeverbeButhalfaman.Nothe--nothe.Hisformulacontainsnosand--It'splain,heistheSlacker"Brand."
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Andvisitsmanyisles.
"Ubiquitous"shouldbehisname,He'sseensomanyscenes,ButallhissoldierfriendspreferTocallhimsimply:"Beans"!
Asaproper,firstclasspassenger,Is"Beans"nameonship'slog;You'dthinkhisnamewaspedigreed--Thewayhe"putsondog"!
Yetheisnotafullbloodpup,Butjusta"yellowcur":A"Nervy-NattyGentleman"--Withallhisfuzzyfur.
HechowsawhileatGrandeIsle;Andtherehe'llmakeastay,Untilhetiresoftheirmess;Thenpromptlysailsaway.
He'lltakeaboatdownSubicBay,TofarOlongapo,
Andwhenthingsgetmonotonous,Then"Beans"isprompt-to-go!
Hegoeso'ertoCorregidor,Andvisits"C.A.C."Andifhedon'tlikevisiting--Hemerelysailsthesea!
HevisitsFortMcKinley,AndCavite,too;Now,whereBeanshasnotbeen,forsooth,IwishIonlyknew.
Iknowthatallthesailors,AndallthesoldiermenDocallhim"Beans,"andlovehimForheistheirdandyfriend.
Hewagshistailingreeting,Andbarksatfriendswithjoy;Butwhenhisship'sa-sailing,ForBeans,it'sShip-A-hoy!
Sohere'sto"Beans"old"Sea-dog,"Wholovessowelltoroam;Iwishhe'dtrytosettledown
Andmakeourplacehishome.
ADVICE
BetterstartinsoldieringandmindyourP'sandQ's,Cutoutgoingabsentandeaseuponthebooze,Don'tkickbecause,you'reonfatigue,butmindwhatyouareabout,FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyou
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ifyoudon'twatchout.
Don'tgoa-missingreveille;andbeinbedbycheck,Don'tbuckagainstthecaptain,oryou'llgetitintheneck.Besuretoturnoutpromptlywhenyouhearthesergeantshout,FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyouifyoudon'twatchout.
Becauseyou'vegotsomeservicedon'tthinkyouknowitall,You'llgetyourextrasjustthesameifyoushouldmissacall.Takewhattheyhandyouweekly.Don'tgrumble,frownorpout.FortheSummaryCourtwillgetyouifyoudon'twatch
out.
THESCENTOFTHECOCOA
Youhaveheardoftheancientincense;OfthedewofHermannyou'veread;YouhavebeentoldofthepreciousointmentThatpoureddownonAaron'shead;Buttellme--withallyourknowledge,Yourtheory,studyandtoil,Haveyouheardofanequalorsequel
Tothescentofthecocoanutoil?
Atfirstitisalwaysrepulsive,Makesyougagandbackoffindespair;Butwhenyou'vegotthescentofthecocoa,Justascent,amerewhiffintheair,Thenyou'regone,boy,yes,andforever,Where'erinthisworldyoumayroam;WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaYouforgetallthepreceptsofhome.
YouforgetthosemostnobleteachingsOffortitude,temperanceandtruth
Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa.You'regone,boy,goneandforsoothThoughyoutryhardandstrivetorecover,PraytoGodandhisangelsaswell,Ifyou'veoncegotthescentofthecocoaYou'redestined--yourfutureisHell.
ButwhyshouldyoubepredestinedBythescentofaninnocentoil?Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa
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NomorecanyoubreakfromitstoilThanagamblercanbreakfromhisventures,Thedrunkardturnawayfromhisrye.WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaThelongingistheretillyoudie.
Thegreatworldatlargedoesn'tknowall,TheguiltyonesseldomconfessWhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaWaftedupfromthebrightpassingdressThattheirthoughtsarenotthoseofangelsSweetandpureasthedewoftherose,Thatit'snotjustthescentofthecocoaButtheperquisitethatwithitgoes.
Therearetimeswhentherighteousaredoubtful,Therearetimeswhennomandoubts.WhenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoaThere'samanandhisconscienceatouts;Recklessofmoraldestruction,Fearlessofanguishandpain,Whenyouoncegetthescentofthecocoa'Tisthatscentthatyoulongforagain.
OnemaypartfromtheOrientgladly,Fromitsgarlicanddhobieandgoats;Butifhe'soncegotthescentofthecocoaAshesitsandinreveriedotes,--Histhoughtswillreverttotheeastward,TothelandofyellowandbrownAndhesighsforthescentofthecocoa,Andthesightofapinagown.
MENOFTHEHOSPITALCORPS
They,too,haveheardthedrum-beat,Theyfollowthebugle'scall,ThosewhoareswiftwithpityOnthefieldwherebravemenfall.
WhenthebattleboomissilentAndtheechoingthunderdies,Theyhastetotheplain,redsoddenWiththebloodofsacrifice.
TheflagthatfloatsabovethemIsmarkedwithacrimsonsign,Pledgeofagreatcompassion
Andtheriftedheartdivine.
AndsotheyfollowthebugleAndheedthedrumbeat'scall,Buttheirerrandisoneofpity:--Theysuccorthemenwhofall.
GARRISONLIFE
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Iwanttogohome,wailedtheprivate,Thesergeantandcorporalthesame,ForI'mtiredofthecampandthehikin',Thegrubandtherestofthegame.I'mwillingtodoallthefightin',Forthatisagametwocanplay;ButIwanttogohome,formegoil'sallalone,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.
ForI'vemarched'tilmethroatwasa-crackin','Tilcrazedforthewantofadrink,I'vedrilled'tilmebackwasa-breakin',An'Ihaven'thadtimetothink.AndI'vehadmeshareofpolicin',AndguardandI'mtiredofmelay;Formegoil'sallalone,an'Iwanttogohome,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.
Dotheyheedusa-dyingingarrisonlife?Theysayit'sthewaterandsuch,Wethinkthatmoreaptit'sthehikin',Forthelifeofaprivateain'tmuch;Butweknowwecanfightifwehaveto,
Andtheywon'thavetoshowustheway,Butmegoil'sallalone,an'Iwanttogohome,An'Iwanttogohometo-day.
THEPHILIPPINITIS
Myfriend,haveyouheardofthetownofManila,OnthebanksofthePasigRiver,Wherebloomsthewait-awhileflowerfair,Andthe"sometimeother"scentstheair,Andthesoft-go-easygrow?
ItliesintheValleyofWhat's-the-use,IntheprovinceofLet-her-slide.Thatoldtiredfeelingisnativethere,It'sthehomeofthelistlessIdon'tcare.WherethePut-it-offabide.
THEEASTISA'CALLING
TheysaythattheEastisalluring;Thebalmygreenislesofthesea.Butwithalltheirwildsplendorassuring,
Theyhavenofascinationforme.
IcampedwiththeboysatSiassi,Waydowninthatsequesteredisle,Wherethegarbofaprimitivelassie,Wasnaughtsaveageestringandsmile.
Ihikedo'erthehogtrailsofJolo,Intheblisteringraysofthesuns,Asthewildsavagewieldinghisbolo,
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Fellbeneaththeonslaughtofourguns.
Withacartridgebelt,rifleandknapsack,Itrampedthroughthewoodedravine,Onarationofhardtackandbacon,Andaswigfromarustycanteen.
InMindanaoislandsodreary,FromMalabangtoHawaiianhill,Everfaithfulthoughfootsoreandweary,IshoulderedmyKragforthedrill.
Ontheoutpostwhennightdarkenedo'erusAlonevigilIkeptthroughtherain,AndwatchedforthebloodthirstyMoros,Thatprowledthroughthedesolatecayan.
IhaveseenthehalfcladFilipino,InhisnipathatchedshackinLuzon,Dispensingthetubaandbino,Amidstourgaylaughterandsong.
Atevethebrown-huedsenoritas,Strolledleisurelyoverthegreen,
Inhobblesandgaudycamisas,Theirmorelovingthanhandsomequeens,
TheymaysaytheEastisa'calling,Thepicturesqueislesofthesea,Butwithalltheirwildsplendorenthralling,Theyhavenofascinationforme.
TELLYOURTROUBLESTOTHECORPORALOFTHEGUARD
Ifnumberoneyouarewalking,
Andtoacomradetalking,Whilearoundthecountrygawking,Keepingneitherwatchnorward,Andanofficerunsaluted,Swearsatyouwithvoicepolluted,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.
IfyouareatthebridgeofSpain,Andaforeignladyvain--WhileanativewithareinJerkstheskinnyponyhard,Whentoheraidyou'llturn,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.
IfontheEscoltaposted,Andthesunyourbackhasroasted,AndrebelchieftainboastedAshehandedyouhiscard--ThathesoonwouldcleanyououtAndputyourDewey'sfleettorout,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.
Iftothecanteenyouaresent,
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Andyourframewiththirstisrent,Andyourspiritsdroopedandbent,Andthesoldiersandthesailorsbottle-crazed--Allaredrinkingfizzescool,Donotraveandactthefool,TellyourtroublestotheCorporaloftheGuard.
Ifyoushouldabottleget,Nomatteronwhichbeat,Oramorselsweettoeat,Inthedrearytimessohard;Youwillfindafriendtoshareit--CallpromptlyfortheCorporaloftheGuard.
GENERALORDERSOFTHEKITCHENPOLICE
MyGeneralOrdersare:
1.Totakechargeofthesespudsandallgravyinview.
2.Dishsluminamilitarymanner;keepingonthealertandobservingallmeatballsthatgowithinsightorhearing.
3.Toreportanyprivateornon-comwhoasksforthirds.
4.Toreceive,transmitandobeyallordersfromandallowmyselftoberelievedbytheMessSergeant,firstandsecondcooksonly.
5.Toquitthecoffeeonlywhenproperlyrelieved.
6.Torepeatallcallsfor"seconds"fromthediningroom.
7.Toholdconversationwithnoonewhoasksforonions.
8.Toallownoonetopassthecookstobaccoorbooze.
9.Tosaluteallslumnotincasedinanovercoat.
10.Inanycasenotcoveredbyinstructionscallthefirstcook.
11.Incaseoffiretakeouttheashesandgetabucketofcoal.
12.Betweenreveilleandretreatturnoutthecookandthecook'spoliceforallobjectsfoundintheslum,suchasbedbugs,lizards,cockroaches,snakesandotherinsectsnotonthebilloffare.
BYORDEROFGENERALR.U.HUNGRY:PeelemSpud,CommandingKitchenPoliceBrigade.
OFFICIAL:O.U.Meatball,Major,3rdCookCorps,BrigadeAdjutant.
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ISHEASOREHEAD?
You'veheardofthefamoussixhundred,whoatBalaklavafell;Whochargedlikedeath'savengersstraightintothemouthofhell.Butthere'sdeedsunsung,unheardof;bravedeedsgonebyunseen,Justlistentothetaleofasoldier,toldinoughtthirteen.
PartoftheColonialArmyfordutyinthePhilippinegroup.IfIhadtheginkthatsentmeIsurewouldmakehimlooptheloop.Ourvaloristesteddaily.Wefightthemosquitosandheat.ThecountryisfineforaGu-Gu,butIlongforoldMarketStreet.
Thehikingisfineforasoldier,youfillupondustontheroad,Andtoeatonadustystomachmakesyou
feellikeanytoad.Youmaytalkofaseven-yearenlistment,Godhelpmegetthisonein,WhenyoudooneontheArchipelago,youwillneverbefreefromsin.
Theyworkyoufrommorningtillevening.They'vegotyou,there'snopullingout.Canyoublameusfordrinking,oldtimer,nochance,here'stoyou,oldscout.Ourtroublesmaybeallimaginaryandcausedbytoomuchsun,Buthowmuchimaginingiscalledforin
thewargamestheyplayforfun.
Itrytodoalltheyrequireme,but,God,whocandoallthat?Themanisnotmadewhocanobeyallordersofamanwithagoldcordonhishat.Somearebetterthanothers,theydon'tfeelthepolishandsuch,ButI'velearnedmylesson--they'llgetyouindutch.
Don'tthinkforaminuteI'masoreheadbecauseIaminforbob,
Mymusclesshuregothardinthearmy;Icand----!easygetajob.Andifsometime,inthefuture,Iwouldhatesomeonetothinkmeafriend,I'lladvisehimtoenlistinthearmy,goodnight,Iknowthatsureishisend.
FUNSTON
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Neveranystyleabouthim,Notimposingonparade,Couldn'tmakehimlookheroic,Withnoendofgoldenbraid.Figuresorto'stoutanddumpy,Hairandwhiskerskindofred,Buthe'salwaysmovingforward,Whenthere'stroubleonahead.Fivefootfive,ofnerveanddaring,Eyespaleblue,andsteelybright,Notafraidofmanordevil,ThatisFunstoninafight.
Fightingsincehelearnedtotoddle,Soldiersincehegothisgrowth,KnowstheSpaniardandthesavage,Forhe'sfoughtandlicked'emboth,Notmuchfigureintheballroom,Notmuchhandatbreakinghearts,RottenringerforApollo,Butrightthingwhensomethingstarts;Justabunchofbrainsandmuscles,Butyoualwaysfeelsomehow
Thathe'llgetwhathegoesafter,Whenhemixesinarow.
Weylerfoundoutallabouthim,Setapriceuponhishead;Aguinaldo'scraftywarriorsNearlyfilledhimfulloflead.Yellowmenandyellowfever,Triedtocutoffhiscareer;Butsincehefirsthitthewartrail,Hehasneverslippedayear.AndtheheartofallthenationGivesapatrioticthrob,
AtthenewsthatKansasFunstonHasagaingoneonthejob.
YEAR2016INCHIHUAHUA
ThroughthemesquiteinoldChihuahua,AimlesslyonedayIstrode,TillIchanceduponafigureStandingsilentintheroad.Suchanodd,ungainlyfigure!Istopped,thenstaggeredback,
ThinkingitanancientspiritThathadwanderedfromitstrack.
Acampaignhatwasonhishead,Withstrapbeneathhischin,Onhislegssomebatteredleggins,Andhisshoeswereoldandthin.Onhisshoulderwasamusket,Redwiththerustofyears,Likehimself,thewholeequipment,
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Seemedtojustifymyfears.
"Whatmasqueradeisthis"?saidI,Thoughmybreathcamequickandshort,Thenhe,fromforceofhabit,Broughthisrifletoaport."Longyearsago,"heanswered,Inamildandpatienttone,"TherewastroubleinChihuahua,WhereVillausedtoroam.
"WhenIlefttheStatesforMexico,WiththeRegularCavalry,Wenumberedseveralthousand,Young,healthy,strongandfree.Alltheothers,--theyaresleepingOnthehillsideoverthere,FarfromhomeandlovingkindredAndthenativecountrydear.
"Perhapstwentydiedfromsickness,Victimsofthefever'srage,Oramoebicdysentery,Alltherest,--fromripeoldage!
I'mthelastofallthosethousands,ThroughthisplaceIstillmustroam,Waitingforexpectedorders--WelcomeorderstogoHOME."
WITHPERSHINGINMEXICO
WhenI'veservedoutthisenlistment,AndmytimeintheReserves,Why,IamgoingtotreatyourstrulyTothetreatthathedeserves.
ForIamtiredchasingVilla,InthisGod-forsakenland,Whenthere'snothingmuchbutcactusAndtheuselessmilesofsand.
WheretheRioGrandeisflowing,ByElPasonearFortBliss,There'salittlegirlworthknowin',Andshe'sa'savin'meakiss.Oh,Imetheroncea'walking,Withredcoralsinherhair;
Wherethegreaserssita'talking,
Inthelittlepublicsquare.There'srealfoodthere;whitewomen;Mostthingsamancouldwant;Andapooltogoinswimmin'AndaChineserestaurant;Where,acrossthehotChopSuey;IfyougivetheChinkawink,He'llproducealittleteapot,Fullofsomethinggoodtodrink.
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Oh,I'mtiredofCactuswhiskey,Thattheystopthetruckstosell;Foronebottle'smightyrisky,Andtwostartsamanforhell.AndthefirsttimethatI'mable,Whentheyhandmemydischarge,Watchmeleanacrossthetable,Andsay:"Bo,givemeadrinkof'large.'"
Sogood-bye,Adobeladies;MyregardstoUncleSam;LetoldPanchogotoHades;AdiostoCol.Dublan!Theycan'tbindmewithalasso,OncethislittleDoughboy'sfree;There'sagirlrightinElPaso,ThatI'mboundhe'sgoingtosee.
Forshe'swaitin',myAnita;InthePlaza,intheSquare;Wherethelittlefenced-infountainThrowsitswaterintheair;Wheretheoldpetalligatorstays,Andwinkshisknowin'eye,
Andsays,"Patience,Senorita,"He'llbewithyoubyan'by.
OLDBALDY
The"BlackEagle"said,"Ithinkitbutfair,ThatIshouldberulerofbothlandandair,Andhavealltheotherbirdsundermyreign.HowgreatIshallbeoversuchadomain."
Theothersprotested,saying,"Thisyoucan'tdo;
We'llneversubmittoaswell-headlikeyou.Beforewe'llcomeunderyourdespoticrod,We'llfighttotheverylastdropofourblood."
Butthe"BlackEagle"answered:"I'llhavewhatIwish;I'llpayyouforsuckers,andcatchabigfish;I'llclipyourwingsoffwithabigpairofshearsThatIhavebeengrinding,thelastfortyyears.
"I'llhookmybigtalonsrightintoyourbreast,Andgetawild'Turkey'tohelpdotherest.We'llpluckthatfineplumageallofffromyourback;Andyou'llfinddesolationthebrandofmytrack."
Andsothefightstarted.Itwaxedfierceandlong;Andprovedthe"BlackEagle"unusuallystrong.Withthreeyearsoffighting,hestillwasintact,Andseemedtobevictor--infightandinfact.
Butatthisverymomentofluckforthe"Black,"Avenerableeagleflewintohistrack.Hewasgray,hewasbald,hewasancientaswell;Andjustwherehecamefrom,there'snousetotell.
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This"Bald-headedEagle"washailedwithdelight,Whentheotherbirdssawhewasgoingtofight;Butwhentheybeheldthetacticsemployed,By"BaldytheGreatOne,"theywereoverjoyed.
ForhehookedhiscurvedbillinthetopoftheheadOf"OldBlackeytheTerror,"thenquietlysaid:"Justwatchmytalonsclipuptohisthroat.Withonestillfree,Iwillpickthisoldbloat."
Thestrugglewasfierce,andthefeathersflewhigh;The"BlackOne's"fineplumagecameoffrapidly;"OldBaldy's"quickwork,andtomakegoodhisword,LeftnaryafeatherstickontheBlackbird.
Thefightatlastended;the"Black"gaveitup,With"Baldy"victorious,awardedthecup;Butthe"BlackOne"wasstrippedofallhonorandfame.Hasaplaceinthisworldwithadishonoredname.
Itmaybeafable,buthistoryrecordsThisdefeatofthe"FowlofGreatBoastingWords."Howthe"PrussianBlackEagle"thatthoughthecouldscratch,
Foundin"OldBaldy"farmorethanhismatch.
"KAISERBILL"
There'saGuyacrosstheSea,Andthe"Devil'sown"ishe.Death!Destruction!Misery!That'stheKaiser.Don'tyoufancyhe'safool.Satanne'erhadsuchatool--Whetherdemon,fiendorghoul
AstheKaiser.
AtthebottomoftheoceanLiethevictimsofhisnotion.BathesinhumanbloodforlotionDoestheKaiser.WhilehisTeutonChoirsings,Inthemilitaryrings,Ofthe"DivineRightofKings."KaiserBill.
Kindererst,unddendevimmen--Shooddemubviledeyisschwimmen,
Denyougifdermenatrimmen,KaiserBill.Fordervooritmustpemineown,SoI'llpederKingalone,MitaunifersalthroneKaiserBill.
Butwe'lltossyououtthetip,(Thoughthecensorsealthelip)Thathe'llsoonbe"onthehip"--
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WilltheKaiser.Forhissubmarinesaresinking,Andhismenintrenches,stinking,WhiletheWesternworldislinking'GainsttheKaiser.
He'llbepickedupinabasket,WithaU-Boatforacasket,Andanameplate,ifheaskit."KAISERBILL."Then"submerge"inkerosene,KeptinmemoryevergreenAstheprofligate,obsceneKaiserBill.
THERAWRECRUIT
SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:Begob,ye'reabad'un;Nowturnoutyourtoes;YerbeltisunhookitYercapisoncrookit
Yemaynotbedhrunk,Butbejabers,yelookit;Wan-two!Wan-two!Yemonkeyfaceddevil,I'lljollyyethrough!Wan-two!Time!Mark!YemarchliketheaigleinCintheralPark.
SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:AsaintitudsaddenTodhrillsuchamug;Eyesfront!yebaboonye!Chinup!yegossoon,ye!Ye'vejawslikeagoat--
Halt!yeleatherlippedloon,ye!Wan-two!Wan-two!Yewhiskeredorang-outang,I'llfixyou!Wan-two!Time!Mark!Ye'veeyeslikeabat,canyeseeinthedark?
SesCorporalMaddentoPrivateMcFadden:Yerfiggerwantspadd'n--Sureman,ye'venoshape;BehindyeyershouldersStickoutliketwoboulders;YershinsareasthinAsapairofpenholders;
Wan-two!Wan-two!Yerbellybelongsonyerback,yeJew!Wan-two!Time!Mark!I'masdryasadog--Ican'tspakebutIbark!
SERVINGINTEXAS
TooldSatanTexaswasgiven
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BytheLordwholivesinHeaven,AndtheDevilquoth"I'vegotwhat'sneededTomakeagoodHell,"andhesucceeded.Heputsharpthornsalloverthetrees,Andmixedupsandwithmillionsoffleas;Hescatteredtarantulasalongtheroads,Putsthornsoncactus,andhornsontoads.HelengthenedthehornsoftheTexassteers,Andputanadditiontotherabbit'sears;Heputalittledevilinthebroncosteed,Andpoisonedthefeetofthecentipede.Therattlesnakebites,thescorpionstings,Themosquitosdelightwiththeir,buzzingwings;Thesandbursprevail,andsodotheants,Andthosewhositdown,needhalf-solesintheirpants.Theheatinthesummerisonehundredandten,ToohotfortheDevilandtoohotforthemen;Thewildboarroamsthruthebackchaparral,'Tisahellofaplacethathepickedforahell.
O'REILLY'SGONETOHELL
O'Reillywasasoldierman,theprideofBattery"B."Inallthebloomingregimentnobettermanthanhe;TherankingdutyNonCom.,heknewhisbusinesswell,Butsincehe'stumbleddownthepole,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.
Chorus:
O'Reilly'sgonetoHell,sincedownthepolehefell.Theydrankupallthebugjuicethewhiskeymanwouldsell.Theyranhiminthemill.They'vegothimintherestill.Hisbobtail'scomingbackbymail,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.
2.
O'Reillyhitthebottleaftersixyearsupthepole,HeblewhimselfatCasey'splaceandthenwentinthehole,Hedrankwithalltherookiesandsavedhisfaceaswell.Thewholeoutfitisonthebum,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.
Chorus:
3.
O'ReillyswipedablanketandshoveditupIhear;
Heshoveditforadollarandinvestedthatinbeer,Helickedacoffeecoolerbecausehesaidhe'dtell,He'stendaysabsentwithoutleave,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.
Chorus:
4.
They'lltryhimbyCourtMartial,he'llnevergetachance
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Totellthemhowhismotherdiedorsomesuchsonganddance.He'llsoonbeinCompany"Q"a-sleepinginacellAbigred"P"stampedonhisback,O'Reilly'sgonetoHell.
ONTHE"BORDER"
ThisistheLandThatGodforgot.Arizona.ThisisthelandThattheDevilbe-got.Arizona.Inrespects,it'spossiblyBetterthanHell,InNaco.Hotair,mixedWithsulphursmell,InNaco.ThereeveryacreIsdesertsand,TotaketheplaceOfthe"Brim-stone"Land.
InHell.Also,wehavethePrickley-pear,InNaco.Sage-brushandcactiThatmightcompareTopitch-forks.ButshouldyouaskmeWhereI'ddwell--Naco,orinthatplacebelow--JustthreewordsFrommymouthwouldflow:"MeforHell."Conditionsaresettled
DowninHell;WhileontheBorder,Younevercantell.Arizona!Hell,yes!Nowatchfulwaiting,Nopeaceataprice,LikeNaco.TheDevil'spolicyIsfirmandconcise,InHell.Nofriendlyraids,NorMexicanstrife;
LikeNaco.One'sdieiscast:ToboilforLife,InHell.Incaseoftrouble,Ofanykind,--TheDevilactsWithoutchangeofmind.Naco--Hell.Thinkofthewonderful
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PeaceSublime,InHell.IonlywishThatpeaceweremine.
ROUTINE
(FromaMarine'sDiary.)
5:05A.M.--FIRSTCALLIheardtheFirstCallsound,andthen--Justyawnedandwenttosleepagain.
5:10A.M.--REVEILLEAtReveilleIshookthedope,Brokeoutatowelandahunkofsoap.
5:20A.M.--ROLLCALLMynamerangoutupontheair;Ihollered,"Here,"forIwas"there."
5:25A.M.--SETTING-UPEXERCISE
Tookexercise,withoutarest;IliketheBreathingMovementbest.
5:45A.M.--CHOWOh,whatadifferencebreakfastmakes!'TwasPunkandJava,DogandCakes.
6:10A.M.--FIRSTCALLFORDRILLFirstcallforDrillremindedme--I'lltrytherearrank--"numberthree."
6:20A.M.--DRILLStreetRiotDrillandCompanysquare;
Inearlywentupintheair.
7:20A.M.--RECALLFROMDRILLRecallwasmusictomyears;Ihadn'tfeltsotiredforyears.
8:00A.M.--COLORSTheGuardturnedoutforUncleSamAndhandedhimthe"GrandSalaam."
8:10A.M.--SICKCALLOnefellowwenttoshowhiscornForthere'saHiketo-morrowmorn.
8:20A.M.--FIRSTCALLFORTROOPIshavedandwashed,thencleanedtheGat,Andhadtenminutesleftatthat.
8:30A.M.--TROOPTheCaptainsizedusupforfair,Butnokickcomin'anywhere.
8:45A.M.--GUARDMOUNT
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GuardMount,mynamewasn'tbooked;HowisitIwasoverlooked?
RESPITE
NomorecallstoanswernowTilIhearthemholler,"Chow"Forthisismyeasyday:GuessIrateitanyway.
12:00N--CHOW--LIBERTY
Chowwastheregularmenu,Spudsetcetera--carabao.Iheard"Liberty"whenitwentButIdidn'thaveacent.
1:00P.M.--POLICEGladIhavenoworktoday;I'llturninandhitthehay.
AFTERNOON--NOCALLSWokeuppromptly,halfpasttwo;WalkedaroundOlongapo.
Camein--playedacheckergame;Wrotealettertomydame.
5:00P.M.--CHOWSuppersurelywassomeclass!SteakandOnions--Apple"sass."
6:00P.M.----COLORSSixo'clockwhencolorswent;Guardturnedoutandgave"present."
8:30P.M.--TATTOOCameinearly,tookashower,
Readabookforhalfanhour.
9:15P.M.--CALLTOQUARTERSLetdownmyMosquitonet--PuffedaDurhamCigarette.
TAPS--P.M.SafelyinmybunkIcurledAndwassoon--deadtotheWorld.
THATUNIFORM
Tisstrange,butyet'tistrue,weseeSanemenwhoseemtothinkthatwe,Whoweartheblue,arenotthesameAsothermen.WehaveanameScarcethoughtofwithrespect;'tisusedTofrightenchildren,andabusedBythosewhoonlywishtoshowAfewofthemanythingstheydon'tknow.
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Weread"thesoldierscametotownAndraisedparticular----,"andsoondownAcolumnormoreofsuchvilestuff;'Twouldmakeusallcry"Hold!Enough!"Yousee,there'sscarcelyanythingTowriteabout.Whilethesethingssting,What'sthattous?Wemaylosebyit;Butthepublic'sfed,yegods,thediet.
Anoldsaw,which,perhaps,e'enyouHaveheard,andsomethoughttrue,Seemstohavebeenforgotten,quite,Orelsewedonotthinkitright.Ourfathersusedtothinkthatway,Butwearewiser(?)inourday.Trytorememberit,ifyoucan,Tisthis:"Theclothesdon'tmaketheman."
Don'tturnthesoldierdown.Youmay,Foraughtyouknow,orotherssay,Beentertaining,unawares,Anangel;and,ifnot,whocares?For,behegood,bad,weakorstrong,'Midsummer'ssunorwinter'sstorm,
Youcallonhimtorightyourwrong,Althohewearsauniform.
INTHECOLDGREYDAWNOFTHEMORNINGAFTER
BringmeadryMartini,waiter,Chaseinsomethingthat'swet,Iwasouttoaclambakeyesterday,AndIhaven'tgotoverityet.
Throwmeapleasantlook,waiter,
Smileatmepretty,don'tfrown,AndpoursomeglueonmybreakfastSoIcankeepitdown.
Iheartheyhavediscoveredthepole,waiter,IwishIhaditherenow,Theycan'tcomeanytoocoldformeToputonmyachingbrow.
Manyaschoonerwaswreckedlastnight,Andthewavesranmountainhigh.Personally,Iwassousedtothegills,ButtodayI'mawfullydry.
Itwasaterriblenightatsea,waiter,Andmanyaremissing,Ithink,ButasnearasIcanrememberInevermissedadrink.
Theoneinbluegotmypurse,waiter,Herside-kickgotmyclock,Idon'twanttoknowwhattimeitis,Pleaseleadmedowntothedock.
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Leadmedowntothedock,waiter,ForawaterygraveIpine,TheplaceforamanthatispickledIsovermyheadinbrine.
TelltheminOlongapo,Idiedasaheroshould,Uptotheneck,incold,coldsudsGuaranteeddrawnfromthewood.
I'dliketoleaveyouagift,waiter,JusttoremembermebyAndtoshowyouthatI'mnottight,Youcanhavemypieceofpie.
AndafterIsinkinthewater,waiter,You'lldomeafavor,Ihope.Tellthem,ifIblowupbubblesItwasn'tfromeatingsoap.
THEOTHERSIDEOFTHEPOSTER
TheytoldmethattheArmywasajoyforevermore;TheytoldmeofthepleasuresI'dhaveinitbythescore;TheytoldmeofitscomfortsandthejollylifeI'dlead,ButbythundertheyhavefooledmeandI'msorrowfulindeed--IeverjoinedtheArmy.
TheytoldmeofthepolishedbootsandthebuttonsbrightI'dwear,AndofthesplendidthingsI'dfinduponthebill-of-fare;Butneverawordtheytoldmeinthefinerecruitingshop,Ofhoeingweedsupontheroads,orhaulingouttheslops--WhenIjoinedtheArmy.
Theytoldmeofthepleasanthours,awayfromeverycare,Icouldspendwhennotonduty,intownoranywhere;Butathingtheynevertoldmeisthepunishmentthey'dmeteOuttoalucklessrookiewhowentabsentfromretreat--InUncleSamuel'sArmy.
Theytoldmeofthecanteen,wheregoodlagerbeerissold,Andofthefineposthospital,thatcuresallkindsofcolds;Butahintabouttheguard-housetheynevertomegave,Thatskeletontheykepthiddenasthoughburiedinagrave--UntilIjoinedtheArmy.
Theyshowedmegoodlookingchromosofgoodlookingsoldiermen,
WithlittleV'supontheirsleevesandhatstheyshoneliketin;ButthereisoneuncannypicturetheynevertomeshowedOfasoldierwithaknapsack,andhehittinguptheroad--IntheU.S.Army.
Theytoldmeofthenicesoftbunk,madeoutofwovenwire,WhereIcouldlaymycarcass,whenevermyboneswouldtire;Butawhisperofthepickandshovelwasnevertometold,SoI'mponderingo'ermycontract,andIthinkIwassold--WhenIcameintoUncle'sArmy.
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Theytoldmeofthenon-coms,whoknewasoldier'sworth,WhomadetheArmyjolly,aplaceofendlessmirth;ButnotawordtheytoldmeoftheamountofbeerI'dbuy,Justtokeepa"standin"withthosethatrankuphigh--InSammy'ssplendidArmy.
Theytoldmeofthebill-of-farethatchangedwitheveryday,AndwhenlandedintheArmyforthirtyyearsI'dstay;Butnotawordtheytoldme(Nowondertheyweremum),Aboutthestufftheyfeedus,commonlyknownas"Slum"--InourconqueringArmy.
Itishintedthatexperienceofallothersistheschool,Wherecommonsensealoneislearned,byhimthatplaysthefool;AndthoughIhatethemedicine,Imusttakeitwithawill,Andkeepconvincingmyself,itdoesmegood--It'stimetoleavetheArmy.
ARMYFEVER
Whenyourfirsthitchisover,andyouhavecashedyourfinalsfew,
Andabreakfastandaboatrideareallthat'sleftforyou,Andyoutoywithyourcollarasyoudonyoursuitof"citz,"Whileyourbunkie,sittingnearyou,hasthebluestkindoffits;Youa-bubblingoverwithpleasureatthethoughtsofgoingout;Thefriendsathomewillwelcomeyou,ofthatthere'snotadoubt;Anditneverseemstostrikeyouthatyouhavemadeabeatentrack,Intheseyearsyou'vebeenasoldier--thatyoumightcomeback.Soyouhastenoutasboatcallgoes--lastcallyouhavetostand--Andyouwavefarewelltocomradesasyoupushawayfromland.Firstcallfordrillissoundingfromthebugler'sthroatofgold,Butyouarefree--"don'thavetostandnodrillinheatorcold."Altho'yougettowonderingasthingsfadefromsight,Ifdrillingreallywassobadaswalkingpostatnight.
Youthink,ofcourse,whenfirstdischarged,onefeelsjustsortofsad;Butit'sArmyfeversymptoms--Andyou'vegot'embad.You'reinbusinessontheoutside,andyou'remakinggood,itseems;Butthebuglekeepsa-calling,anda-callingthroughyourdreams.Thensomedayyoumeetasoldieronafurloughforaweek;Andyouthinkitonlyfriendlytogouptohimandspeak;Andyoufindyouknewhisbrother,orhiscousin,orhisfriend,Andyourjobupontheoutsidehasfoundasuddenend;Foralongingfiercecomesoveryou,andyoucannotresist--It'sthecrisisofthefever--andyoureenlist.
ONETOTHEARMYBEAN
I'veeatenfunnydishesonLuzon'stropicalshore,I'veeatenJapan'sbambooshootsandoystersbythescore.OfcaviarI'vehadmyshare,Iloveanchovies,too,AndwaydowninoldMindanaoI'veeatencarabao;OfJohnnyBull'soldrareroastInearlygotthegout,AndwithchumsatHeidelbergIdinedonsauerkraut;InChinaIhaveeatennativericeandsippedtheirfamousteas;InNaplesI,'longwiththerest,atemacaroniandcheese;
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InCubawhereallthingsgoslow,manana'stheironewish;Idinedonthingsthathadnonames,buttastedstrongwithfish.InMexicothechiliburntthecoatingoffmytongue;AndwithIrishlandlordIdinedonpigsquiteyoung,Yetyoumayhaveyourdishesthatisservedtokingsandqueens,ButIamhappyandcontentedwithadishofArmyBeans.
LITTLETHINGS
Littledropsofwater,LittlegrainsofsandMakethemightyoceanAndthedesertland.
Littlehoursofdrilling,Little"rifleshoots"MakeefficientsoldiersOutofrawrecruits.
LittlehourssomespendinBreakingliberty,Oft'amounttosomething
MorethanE.P.D.
Littlewordsofkindness,Whenyouspareafew,Soundallrighttosomeone;Dotheynottoyou?
SING-A-SONG-A-SIXPENCE
Sing-a-song-a-sixpenceEvery-bodydry--
Half-a-dozenPrivatesOpeningsomerye.
WhentheryewasopenedTheBucksbegantosing:EveryblessedoneofthemFeelinglikeaking.
TheSergeantattheGuard-houseSawthemwalkingstraight--Markedthem"CleanandSober,"Whentheypassedthegate.
But,whenTapswasover,Theysanganddancedajig,AlongcameaCorporalAndslammedthemintheBrig.
QUEENOFMAY
Ifyouwake,why,callmeearly--callmeearly,won'tyou,bunk?
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ThecaptainsaysI'llbeanon-com.,ifIdon'tgetonadrunk.ThensomedayI'llbeasergeantwiththreestripesuponmyarm,Zigzag,liketheoldrailfencesonDadPosey'sCountryfarm.Callmeearly,thoughI'mdreaming,wakemeupthatImayseeHowthesunthatsinksingrandeurrisesinobscurity.I'vebeenaprivate,bunkie,suchasprivatesseldomare,Bornemyshareofpubliccensure,letithealwithoutascar.TilluponthefairescutcheonofmynameandhumblerankCaptainsayshe'lladdthetitleandastripeoneitherflank.ThenI'llbeanon-com.,bunkie,wakemeupthatImayseeMyownglorybubbleappearing,hearitburstatreveille.Wakemeearlyfrommyslumbers,henceforthIwouldearlyrise,Healthandwealtharecommonvirtues--dawnwillbrandmeboth,andwise.Bunkie,I'llbebosstomorrow,uniformedinblueandwhite,KnewI'dgetit,ifthecaptainonlydidwhat'ssquareandright.ButIwillnotchastisethecomradeswhomaydoubtmywordislaw,I'llbeeasywiththem,bunkie,patient,'thotheyfeelnoawe.Bunkie,I'mgrowingsleepy;wakemewhenthemorningbreaks;Foruponthetrackofmerit,Iwilllandthenon-com.stakes.LetmehearthejoyfulclamorwhenIwakefrompleasantdreamsThatthefellowsrisewhengreetinganoncom.,whoiswhatheseems.Wakemeearly,bunkie,comrade,tellthefellowswhoIam,NotforgettingallthefavorsIwilldoyouwhenIcan.TellthemthatIwouldn'thaveit,ifitsacrificedtheirlove,
TellthemthatI'mthesameasever,thoughtheythinkmefarabove.Bunkie,IhavedreamedsooftenofthebuffthatIshallwear,ThatIfeelthehonorgreaterthanamanlikemecanbear.LongI'vewaited;longI'vecherishedthoughtsofhowI'dlookandfeelWhenthecaptainsaid:Howard,here'sastripetoaidyourzeal.ThenI'dbeanon-com.,bunkies,thenI'dwritetodadandsay,Modest-like:"ACorporal'sgreetingstohisfolkssofaraway!"
AYOUNGROOKIE'SLAMENT
AsIsitinthegleamofthecampfire,
'NeaththeOrientalskies,InfancyIpicturethehomelandshoreAndatownIhighlyprize;It'sGardner,dearoldGardner,Atownsodeartome,ButI'mmanymilesawayAcrossanendlesssea.
Iattheageof17was--FickleasaclamItookatrainforFitchburgAndjoinedoldUncleSam.TheysentmeontoSlocum,
Andfilledmeuponbeans.TheymademetakearifleAndapairofkhakijeans.
TheysentmetothePhilippines,Wecallitnoman'sland.Weneverseeaflakeofsnow,Webakeoureggsinsand,Wehikeo'erburningmountains'Tilitdrivesusnearinsane,
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WepitchourcampinaricefieldInastormofdrizzlingrain.
AtnightwewalkouroutpostWithagreatbigheavygunAnd90Dum-DumbulletsTomaketheMorosrun.They'reaccurateasaweaselAnd,boys,theyneverfan,Youhavetokeepyourearsprickedup,Forthey'llgetyouiftheycan.
Now,boys,youmaythinkGardnerslow,Butthatnotionyou'lldestroyIfyoueverholdyourhandupTobeasoldierboy.YouhavenodearoldMother.Tomendyourtatteredpants,Whenyoustickyourselfwithaneedle,Withrageyou'llfairlyprance.
So,boys,Ifoundmybigmistake,Iwasaltogetherwrong,Andthat'sthesimplereason
Isingthislittlesong.Sotakeapieceoffool'sadvice,Andneverrunaway,JuststayindearoldGardnerWherelifeisbrightandgay.
DANNYDEEVERBALLAD
"Where'reallthesoldiersgoin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Whataretheyalla-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Idunnowherethey'regoin'to,"saidFiles-on-Parade,
"Idunnowhatthey'regoin'todo,"theColorSergeantsaid.Forthey'regoin'backtowardsU.S.A.andleavethePhilippines,They'retirin'oftheIslandsandtheArmy"porkandbeans,"That"singletime,"and"twopermile"--theyallknowwhatthatmeans--Sonowthey'realla'goin'toleavetheArmy.
"Whereisthe'Doughboy'goin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Backtohisfarm!Backtohisfarm!"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Behindtheplow!Behindtheplow,"theColorSergeantsaid.Nohikingo'erricepaddies,--butfurrowedfieldsofcorn,Togotobedrealearlyandgetupinthemorn',Tobehisown"K.O."oncemore,inthecountrywherehe'sborn,
Sosoonhe'llbea-quittin'oftheArmy.
"WhereistheTroopergoin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Perhapshe'llpackanArmymule,"saidFiles-on-Parade,"OrgooutWestto'cow-boy,'"theColorSergeantsaid.He'sfondofhis"caballo,"andheloveshisold"outfit,"Andifthey'dchangethoseArmybills,hewouldn'teverquit,ButChairmanHay,andothers,haveforcedhimintoit.Sosoonhe'llbedischargedfromouttheArmy.
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"Whereisthe'Gunner'goin'to?"askedFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatishea-goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"He'sgoin'tobea'jackie,'"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Asailorlada'forethemast,"theColorSergeantsaid.Forhe'drathertrytheNavy,anddrawasailor'spay,Than"single-time"inJolowiththreelongyearstostay,Wherethereain'tno"two-centmileage,"whilea'cruisin'acrosstheBay,Sonowhe'llsoonbequittin'oftheArmy.
"WhereistheArmygoin'to?"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Andwhatisita'goin'todo?"theColorSergeantsaid;"Theboyswillsoonhavedonetheirtime,"saidFiles-on-Parade,"Andfewof'emwill'hitch'again,"theColorSergeantsaid.FortheTransportsbringone"rookie"totaketheplaceoften,"OldTimers,"whoaregoin'home,andwon't"hitch"upagain,Andthey'llhaveaRookieArmy--insteadofSoldierMen.Forthey'rebreakin'uptheArmyintheIslands.
PUZZYLAPPINS
Whenacrudeandhopefulrookie
TothePhilippinesIcameTohikethegloriouspathwayOntoshoulderstrapsandfame,Ithoughtofmother'scounsel,AndIscornedthedrunkard'scup,ButIlandedonthesickreport,Andthat'swhatdidmeup.
"You'vebeendrinking,"saidthesurgeon,"You'vebeendrinkingonthesly.You'vebeendisobeyingorders;'Tisuselesstodeny.LetmetellyouontheQ.T.
ThatIamgoingtomarkyou'duty'You'vebeendrinkingunboiledwaterIcanreaditinyoureye."
I'veabunkiewhoisarestlessdog,Andhedoesn'tcareafig,Sotheymarchedhimtotheguard-houseAndtheymadehimdofatigue.He'sagamblin',ramblin'rascal,Anallaroundjovialsport.TheyhadhimuptheotherdayBeforeasummarycourt.
"Chargedwithdrinking,"saysthecaptain,Andheseemedto"winkaneye.""ForyoucouldnotstandtemptationAndyoudrankwhenyouwasdry.Youaregrinning,PrivateBrady,Andyouwilldrawfivelessnextpay-day,AndfordrinkingunboiledwaterDon'tforgetIcinchedyouhigh."
SinceoldPharoahfollowedMoses,
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Andwasfollowedbythesea,SergeantPotter'sbeenasoldierAnd'tilGabriel'sreveilleHe'llbeansweringtothebuglecallAtsunset,noon,andmorn,Buthe'sgottheDenguefever,Anditmakeshimflushandworn.
"You'vebeendrinkingunboiledwater,"Saysthecaptain,"thatiswhy.""No,thecaptainismistaken,"Saysthesergeantwithasigh."Ineverdodrinkwater,ThoughmaybeattimesIaught'er;IneverdodrinkwaterWhen'JohnStink'andTuba'snigh."
Thebanditplayedamournfultune;ThesoldierscrowdaroundAsacomradewrappedinGlory'sflagIsloweredintheground.Therearethreeresoundingvolleys,TapsdieoutintendertonesAndwe'remarchingtothequickstep
FromthegraveofCorporalJones.
"Itwasdrinking,"saysthecaptainAsatearwasinhiseye."ItwasallthroughdrinkingwaterThatthecorporalcametodie.'Twastheunboiledwaterthatkilledhim,WithgermsandthingsitfilledhimButnowheisdrinkingfromtheJordanWherewe'lljoinhimbyandby."
ACYNIC'SVIEWOFARMYLIFE
OnceIwasafarmerboy,atillerofthesoil,Ilikedthework--Ineverwasachaptoshirkfromtoil.ButIthoughtI'dchooseabroaderlife(Imusthavebeenanass).ItookonintheArmy--andnowI'mcuttinggrass.
Ithoughtmyfarmlifenarrow,fortheremysimpleworkWasplantingthingsandtendingthem,andthisIdidnotshirk.I'dchargeofallthehorses,too,andhandledthemfirstclass,ButsinceIjoinedtheArmy,Iamsimplycuttinggrass.
Igetupinthemorningtothesoundofmartialstrain.
Thesergeantsays:"Gogetthatscytheandsharpenitagain.Thegrasshasgrownsixinches,men,whilewehavebeeninbed,Sohustle,soldiers,hustle--don'tletitgetahead."
TheChiefofStaffsitsupaboveandwonders"wotfell?"Themoneygoesbymillions,buttheArmyisasell.Weprivates,ifwedaredto,couldeasyhitthemark,It'sgrassthattakesupallourtimefromearlydawntodark.
Weallwouldliketosoldierandgetpreparedforwar;
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It'swhatweleftourhappyhomesandjoinedtheArmyfor.We'dliketolearnourdutiesfrom"skirmishdrill"to"mass."ButallwelearnwithUncleSamisgrass,grass,GRASS!
Ihatethesightofanythingthathasacolorgreen;Mydisposition'sruinedandIhaveaswoolenspleen.Andwhenmytimetocashincomes,IprayagraciousGod,ThatI'llbeburiedoutatsea--notplacedbeneaththesod.
THESONGOFTHESHOVELANDTHEPICK
TheSergeantsays:"Mygunisrusty,AndIguessitmustberight.Butyououghttoseemypickandshovel;Theyarealwaysshiningbright."
Chorus:
Farewell,Bunkie,Imustleaveyou,AndleaveyoumightyquickForI'llbed----difIcansoldierWithashovelandapick.
Thereishashthat'shot,andhashthat'scold;There'shashthat'snewandhashthat'sold;AndHashthat'smixedintoskilligbee;Butwithmetheydon'tagree.
Chorus:
So,Farewell,Bunkie,Imustleaveyou,AndIleaveyouwithadash;ForI'llbed----difIcansoldierOnUncleSamuel'scornbeefhash.
ARMYSLANG
B-ache--tocomplain.
Beans--thecommissarysergeant.
Bean-shooter--acommissaryofficer.
Belly-ache--tocomplain.
Blackstrap--liquidcoffee.
Blind--sentencedbycourt-martialtoforfeitureofpaywithoutconfinement.
Bob-Tail--adishonorabledischarge,oradischargewithouthonor;tobe"bobtailed"--tobedischargedortobegivenadischargewithouthonor.
Bone--tostudy;totry;tocultivate.
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Bonebootlickon--tocultivatethefavorof.
BootsandSaddles--trumpetcall.
Bootlick--toflatter.
Brig--guard-house.
Bow-legs--cavalrymen.
Buck-private--atermsometimesusedinreferringtoaprivate.
BuckingforOrderly--givingclothingandaccoutrementsextracleaningsoastocompetefororderly.
Bunkie--asoldierwhosharestheshelterofacomrade.
Bust--toreduceanon-commissionedofficertothegradeofaprivate.
Butcher--thecompanybarber.
CannedHorse--cannedbeef.
Chief--namebywhichthechiefmusicianofthebandisusuallycalled
bytheenlistedmen.
Cit--acivilian.
Cits--civilianclothes.
C.O.--commandingofficer.
CoffeeCooler--onewhoseekseasydetailsawayfromtroops;onewhoisalwayslookingforaneasyjob.
Cold-feet--fear,lackofcourage(tohavecoldfeetistobeafraid,tolackcourage).
Commissaries--groceries.
Crawl--toadmonish.
Dog-robber--namebywhichtheenlistedmencallasoldierwhoworksforanofficer.(Anoffensiveterm,theuseofwhichgenerallyresultsintrouble.)
Dough-boy--infantryman.
Dough-puncher--thebaker.
DownthePole--todrink,afterhavingstopped.
Duff--anysweetedible.
Fatigue--extrawork.
File--anumberonthelineallist.
Fogy--tenpercentincreaseinpayforeachfiveyears'service.
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Found--tobefounddeficientorwantinginanything,especiallyanexamination.
Frenchleave--unauthorizedabsence.AbsentonFrenchleave--absentwithoutauthority.
Goat--juniorofficerinpost,regiment,etc.
Goaty--awkward,ignorant.
GuardHouseLawyer--asoldierwithasmatteringknowledgeofregulationsandmilitarylaw;quiteloquaciousandliberalwithadviceandcounseltomenintheGuardHouseorothertrouble.
Hand-Shaker--asoldierwhotriestowinthefavoroffirstsergeantortroopcommander.
Hardtack--hardbread,biscuits.
HashMark--enlistmentorservicestripe,wornonsleeve.
Hike--amarch;tohike;tomarch.
Hitch--atermforenlistmentperiod.
Hive--todiscover,tocatch.
Hobo--theprovostguard.
HolyJoe--thechaplain.
Hop--adance.
How--formofsalutationindrinking,meaning"Here'stoyourhealth,""Myregards,"etc.
I.C.--condemnedbyaninspector.
Jaw-bone--credit(togetthingson"jawbone,"istobuyoncredit).
Jump--toadmonish.
K.O.--thecommandingofficer.
Major--namebywhichthesergeant-majorisusuallycalledbytheenlistedmen.
Mill--Guard-house.
Mule-skinner--ateamster.
Non-Com--non-commissionedofficer.
O.D.--theofficeroftheday.
OfficersLine,orOfficersRow--therowofhouseswheretheofficersandtheirfamilieslive.
OldIssue--anoldsoldier.
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OldFile--anoldofficer.
OldMan--thecompanycommander.
OnOfficialTerms--nottobeonspeakingtermsexceptofficially.
OntheCarpet--calledbeforethecommandingofficerforadmonition.
Openers--catharticpills.
OrderlyBuckle--asoldierwhengoingonguardwhostrivesbyextraneatnessofappearancetobedesignatedasorderlyforthecommandingofficer.
OrderlyRoom--companyoffice.
Outfit--one'sorganizationinthearmy.
Over-the-Hill--todesert.
P.--Prisoner.
Pills--thehospitalsteward.
Punk--lightbread.
Q.M.--thequartermaster.
Q.M.D.--quartermaster'sdepartment.
Ranked-out--tobecompelledtovacatebyasenior,as"toberankedoutofquarters."
Red-tape--officialformality;thatis,thecloseorexcessiveobservanceofformsandroutineinthetransactionofbusiness.
RegimentalMonkey--thedrummajor.
Re-up--tore-enlistatonce.
Rookie--anewrecruit.
Sand-rat--anofficerorsoldierondutyintheriflepitattargetpractice.
Saw-bone--thedoctor.
Shave-tail--anewsecondlieutenant.Socalled,aftertheyoung,unbrokenmulesintheQuartermaster'sDepartment.
Shovedup--topawn.
Shutters--camphororopiumpills.
Sinkers--dumplings.
Sky-scout--thechaplain.
Sky-pilot--thechaplain,
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Slap-Jacks--pancakes.
Slum--astewofmeat,potatoesandonions,mostlypotatoesandonions.
SoapSudsRow--thelaundresses'quarters.
Soldier,to--tosoldier,toserve;alsotoshirk.
Soldiers'OnePerCent--onehundredpercent.
Sow-belly--bacon.
StarsandStripes--beans.
Striker--asoldierwhoworksforanofficer.
Take-on--tore-enlistbeforetheexpirationofthreemonthsafterdischarge.
TheOldMan--termsometimesusedbyofficersandsoldiersinreferringtothecommandingofficer;sometimesusedbysoldiersinreferringtotheircompanycommander.
ToTakeAnotherBlanket--sameas"Take-on."
TopSergeant--firstsergeant.
UpthePole--toswearoffdrinking.
Yellow-leg--cavalryman.
Youngster--ayoungofficer(afirstorsecondlieutenant).
Wagon-soldier--lightorfieldartilleryman.
Wind-jammer--atrumpeterorbandsman.
Wood-butcher--companyartificer.
ENGLISHARMYSLANG
GravelCrushers--infantrysoldiers.
PoulticeWallahs--RoyalArmyMedicalCorpsmen.
DoolallyTap--whenasoldierbecomesmentallyunbalancedheissaidtohavereceivedthe"DoolallyTap.""Doolally"isacorruptionofthe
nameofanIndiantown,Deolali.
BunWallah--asoldierwhodrinksnothingstrongerthantea,andisinconsequencesupposedtoeatvoraciouslyofbuns.
Chips--theregimentalpioneersergeant,whoisusuallyasergeant.
LanceJack--alance-corporal.
QuarterBloke--thequartermaster.
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Rookey--arecruit.
Scrounger--amanwithplentyofresourceingettingwhathewants.
Yob--onewhoiseasilyfooled.
Bobygee--asoldiercook.InIndiaanativeone.
Baggies--sailorsintheNavy.
Badgy--anenlistedboy.
Long-facedChum--acavalryman'stermforhishorse.
Rooty--bread.
Slingers--amealofbreadandtea.
Muckin--butter.
BullyBeef--thetinnedmeatration.
Lamping--eatingheartily.
C.B.--confinedtobarracks.
ChuckingaDummy--whenamanfaintsonparadeheissaidto"havechuckedadummy."
ClinkorMush--theguardroom.
Brief,ChequeorTicket--dischargedocuments.
Dock--amilitaryhospital.
SwingingtheLead--theequivalentof"tellingthetale."
Weighedoff--whenasoldierhasbeenawardedpunishmentforanoffenseheissaidtohavebeen"Weighedoff."
HighJump--anappearancebeforetheC.O.toanswerachargeofbreakingregulations.
LostHisNumber--amanissaidtohave"losthis(regimental)number"whenheisreportedforanyoffense.Itis"lost"becauseitisplacedonthereportsheet.
Stir--imprisonmentinadetentionbarracks.
ChancingHisArm--committinganoffenceinexpectationthatitwillnotbediscovered.AN.C.O.issaidtobe"chancinghisarm"becausehemaybedeprivedofhisstripes.
Jankers--defaulter'sdrill.
Dog'sLeg--thefirststripereceivedonpromotion.
Bundook--arifle.
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Bobtack--powdermixedintoapastetocleanbuttonsandbrassworkonequipment.
Muck-in--sharein.
Square-Pushing--courting.Yourbestboots,cap,etc.,arecalledsquare-pushingboots,etc.
Square-bit--yourbestgirl.
Atcha--allright.
Blighty--home.
WORDSTOTHEARMYTRUMPETCALLS
REVEILLE:
Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emupinthemorning;Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,Ican't
get'emupatall;Corp'ralsworsethantheprivates;Sergeantsworsethanthecorporals;Lieutenantsworsethanthesergeants,Andthecapt'n'stheworstofall.
Chorus--
Ican'tget'emup,Ican'tget'emup,etc.
MESSCALL:
Soup-y,soup-ysoup,Withoutasinglebean.Pork-y,pork-y,pork,Withoutastreakoflean;Coffee,Coffee,Coffee,Withoutanycream!(Or,theweakesteverseen!)
SICKCALL:
Comeandgetyourquinine,comeandgetyourpills,Oh!comeandgetyourquinine,comeandgetyourpills.
STABLECALL:
Comeallwhoareableandgotothestable,Andwateryourhorsesandgive'emsomecorn;Forifyoudon'tdoit,theCol'nelwillknowit,
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Andthenyouwillrueit,sureasyou'reborn.
TAPS:
12
Fadesthelight;Love,goodnight.AndafarWhenthedayGoethday,MustthougoComethnight;AndthenightAndastarDayisdoneLeadethall,Leavemeso?SpeedethallFaretheewell;Totheirrest.Nightison.
ANOTHERVERSION.
WhenyourlastDayispast,FromafarSomebrightstar
O'eryourgraveWatchwillkeep,WhileyousleepWiththebrave.
FIRSTAIDINCASEOFACCIDENTS
Thefollowinghintsareonlyintendedasaremindertoassistyouwhenindoubt.
TOSTOPBLEEDING.--Placeapadofcleanclothonthewoundandbandagefirmly.Raisethepartaffected.Ifraisingthelimbsorapplyingthepaddoesnotcontrolthebleeding,compresswithyourtwothumbsoverboneandasnearthewoundaspossible.Givenostimulantsaslongasbleedingremainsuncontrolled.
BURNSANDSCALDS.--Excludethepartfromtheairatonce,bydustingflouronitandcoveringwithcottonwool.IfthereisablisterdoNOTpickitfor24hours.
SoothingapplicationsareCarronOil,SaladOil,Vaseline,Lard,etc.Ifthereissevereshock,giveitimmediateattention,evenbeforeattendingtotheburnorscald.
FRACTURES.--Thetwomainclassesoffracturesaresimpleandcompoundandthefirstaidtreatmentyougiveistopreventthesimplefracturefrombecomingthemore
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seriouscompoundfracture,whichhasawoundcausedbythejaggedendofthebrokenbone.
Attendtothepatientonthespot,andfixtheinjuredlimb,atonce,bysplintsandbandages.Usegreatgentleness.
Ifthereisawound,cleanseitandapplyantisepticdressingbeforeputtinglimbinsplints.
Disturbthelimbaslittleaspossibleandmakethepatientcomfortableuntilarrivalofdoctor.
SNAKEBITES.--Tiesomethingtightlyaroundthelimb,betweenthewoundandtheheart.Givepatientagooddoseofbrandyorsomeotherspirit.
Encouragethebleedingbysqueezingthebittenpartandbathewithwarmwater.Ifbreathingisbad,useartificialrespiration.
POISONS.--Inthefirstplaceendeavortofindoutthepoison.Ifyoucannot,andtherearenostainsaboutmouthorlipsandnoburningsensationinmouthandthroat,giveanemeticorticklethroattomakepatientvomit.Emeticsare:three-teaspoonfulsofmustardinpintoftepidwater;saltandwater,twotablespoonfulstopintofwarmwater.(SeeFirstAidforPoisoning.)
Whentherearestains,etc.,givecream,whiteofeggs,oliveorlinseedoil(nooil
withphosphoruspoisoning).Antidotestofollow.
GRITINTHEEYE.--Donotrubtheinjuredeye.Byrubbingtheothereyeyouwillbringtears,whichmaywashthegritout.Ifnot,rollbacktheuppereyelidoveramatchorpencil,andremovethegritwiththecornerofyourhandkerchieforsmallcamelhairbrush.
Iflimeineye,washoutatoncewithwater,thendropoliveorcastoroilbetweenthelids.
Donotattempttoremoveanythingdeeplyimbedded--dropinoliveoilandbandage.
FAINTING---Thepatientisveryfaintandpartiallyorcompletelyunconscious.Pulseisweakandrapidandbreathingquickened.Noconvulsions.
Placethepatientinalyingpositionwith
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theheadlowerthantherestofthebody.Loosenhisclothingatneckandchest.Givepatientplentyoffreshair.Sprinklefaceandchestwithcoldwaterandapplysmellingsaltstonose.Rubthelimbstowardbody.Givestimulantwhenpatientisabletoswallow.
SPRAINS.--Asprainisthetearingoftheligamentsorcapsuleofajointandburstingofsmallbloodvessels,andswelling.
Applycoldwaterdressingsaslongastheygivecomfort,andafterwardsapplyhotfomentations.Restthepartinaneasyposition.Ifmovementoflimbbeessential,bandageittightly.Ifindoubt,treatasafracture.
[*]FRENCHMONEY
5centimes(onesou)......=1cent25"......=5cents50"......=10"1franc......=20"2"......=40"5"......=1dollar
ENGLISHMONEY
HalfPenny...............=1centOne"...............=2centsThreePence...............=6"
Six"...............=12"OneShilling...............=24"Two"...............=48"HalfaCrownorTwoShillingsSixPence..=60"FiveShillings...........=$1.20Ten".............=2.401Pound..................=4.80
[*]Frenchcurrencyhasdepreciatedsincethewarabout10percent.,sothattenpercent.deductionshouldbemadeforaccuratereckoning.
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