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thefinalcountdown

Thanks for Living it up with us! Ending as we have carried on all year - with a

dreadful pun.

If you can guess the name of the band on the left and why they’re relevant to the issue, you win brunch in Deco Lounge with an Epigram editor of your choice!

Email living@epigram.org.uk

Editor: Imogen Carter

living@epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Mona Tabbara

mtabbara@epigram.org.uk

Trav

elLi

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Josephine Franksjfranks@

epigram.org.uk @e2Living

HIGH

RENAISSANCE

GAL

ISOBEL ALLEN

REAL TALK

I’m not talking about the countdown to exams (though a preparatory piece on exam ‘I’m-on-the-edge-of-a-physical-mental-emotional-and-spiritual-breakdown-but-still-working-it’ fashion would’ve been fab); nor am I talking about Beyonce’s hit single (partial to a soulful interlude as I am). I’m talking about the countdown till we (or, more importantly, I) are unleashed into the wild, the summer, la vie. This is our time. The time to have all the sex, to take all the drugs and to run around with gay abandon in a straw hat in a field and then Instagram it (#boho).

“But is there anything I can do to have as super stylish, chic and sassy a summeuuure as you????” I hear you cry. Well, mes darlings, I can almost assure you there isn’t, but if I’m to attempt to guide you (as I am so magnanimously wont to do) then I would suggest the following.

If the #summerbod isn’t already in place, then stay indoors until November, but if (like me) you are a bronzed vision of sculpted beauty, then get ‘em out. Get all of it out. It’s summer. Anything over 12 degrees = thongs bikinis and sarongs ad infinitum. Must I even remind you of le brow, le hoop, le edge combo?

This is, however, all that my pressing schedule of fabulosity and popularitousness can afford. And thus with these here final words of mine I come to the end of my reign as the bloody best person in Bristol.

Now I pass the baton, relay the torch, descend from the throne of my wonderousness to someone else who shall try and fail to be as utterly cracking as I am. Having epitomised fashionable fashionista from Sexyville, land of le edge, on Planet Über-Modisch, imparted but the most preliminary gems of wisdom and life-improvemention from

my marvellous mind and patronised the streets of Bristown with no less than magisterial elegance, I bid thee fare-wellance, ciao, adieu, au revoir. It’s been a ball (ache) enriching your imbecilic lives, and I know it’s definitely been a hoot knowing me.

Finally, pas de la panique ou le stress. As soon as you threaten your spider lashes with the whimpering tears of a nervy breakdown, think of it this way: in the long run, no one cares about the beardy man from 19th century Romanticism, or what Stalin said that one time to those people.

The only exam that matters here is the exam of LIFE. And in that module I’ve got a BA, a Masters and a Ph freaking D.

Mwah.

Ciiiaooo from

Uni is so sick and finishing exams will be so wicked yeah but if you’re a final year, like us, you’ll probably be feeling pretty bum-out about leaving the radness that is the city of BristLOL. We thought we’d

comprise a list of 8, gr8 and totally safe unay things you should do before graduation. Let us know how many you

manage to do!!! #go4it #hashtag1. GototheASS,butjustgoonFacebookwhenyou’rethere!Itwill

bereallyloltobeinaworkenvirobuttonotbedoinganywork!Or,ifyouwanttoreallymixitupabit–readabookthereBUTNOTABOOKFORYOURCOURSE!(Althoughtrytonotbetooloudasyou

shouldrespectthepeoplewhomightstillbeworkingfortheirexams).

2. HeaddowntotheHarboursideforthegreatestandgrottiestgamblingexperienceofyourlife.TheGalaCasinopossessesthe

inimitablemagicformulaofatackylayout,Wetherspoonsstandardf o o d andanatmospherewhichreeksofdesperationthatwillhaveyoucomingback for more,timeandtimeagain.There’snootherlarge,dirtyroomwherewe’drathergoto loseallourmoneysogetyourselfdowntherewhilethediceishot!

3. This one’s maybe a bit too #craycray, but try and go to TWO CLUBS IN ONE NIGHT! WerecommendPamPamsandthenBunkerbecausethere’snotabigwalktogetfromonetotheother.Youcouldeven takenotesabout thedifferencesbetween the twovenuese.g.what typeofmusicthey’re playing, what the people are wearing, the price of a shot – I think it would make for aninteresting comparison. (Remember: don’t drink twice as much even though you’re going to two

places!!).

4. Gototheall-you-can-eatextravaganzathatisZaZaBazaarandeatonlyasingle plate offood.Madness?NO.Method?Yes.Notonlywillyoubeavoidingdeathbydeep-frybut y o uwillalsobemakingaprofoundpoliticalstatement-capitalismhasgonetoofarman, end

the excesses, stop the selfishness, get rid of the greed.

5. Sure,lecturesmightseemdullandthatdroningblokeatthefrontcan’thavegreatchatifhe’sthatinterestedinVictorianhandwritingstyles.Butprofessorsarepeople too sowhynothave your favouriteprof over for a smashingnightofnatter andnibbles!Crackout aquiche, lubricate yourmindwithabottleofBordeauxandpenetratethemysterywhichsurroundstheman,gettoknowtherealpersonbehindthatwallofformidableacademicknow-how.Gettingpiddledwithaprofessorialpalcanreallyhelpyoucomealong

wayacademically!Lolinnuendos!

6. Get a Jason Donervans when you’re SOBER! That would bereallyfunnybecausenormallypeopleonlygotherewhenthey’redrunk!

Or,ifyouwanttospicethingsup,getchipswithcheeseANDgravy!

7. Haveanightinwithyourgalcrew.Examtimeisnormallyprettystressful, and your friendship with your BFFEs may have suffered a bitbecauseofit.Callthegirlsround,dosomebaking,getintoyourPJs,makeahotchoc(marshmallowsareanecessity!)andsettledowninfrontofBridgetJonesoranAmandaBynesclassic[Ed: pre-breakdown obvy #Pray4AmandaBynes].Toptip:getallyourhousematestobringtheirduvetsintothelivingroomfor

ultimatecomfort!

8. Gotothegymnotforanhour,notforanafternoon,butforanentireday!Bulkingisseriousbusinessbabyandifyoureallywanttogetgreatresults,you’ve got to put in the hours. You’ve gotta yearn for the burn if you wannaaccentuate those abs! With a potent mix of sexual frustration and putrid sweatpervading the gym’s stifling atmosphere, where else would you want to spend your

day?#Biceps.

Tom Brada and Kate Samuelson

The Ultimate Unay Bucket List

20.05.13

ROOM 101 #12: GOGGLEBOX

Do you remember the days in which we used to actually make people do something to justify their being on television? The golden era of the late 90s/early noughties Saturday night fixture springs specifically to mind. The triple threat of Don’t Try This At Home, Stars In Their Eyes and Blind Date is a tricky one to live up to. People put in awkward positions and trying so hard to suppress the fear that was so painfully present in their eyes is a beautiful thing. The Romans loved it with their gladiators, and we loved it with our Saturday night TV.It appears that television companies have given up on trying to recapture those blissful golden years. Instead of making people do bizarre and excruciating things for our enjoyment, we are now apparently content to watch people do pretty average stuff. I blame Big Brother. For years we watched people effectively do nothing all day and lapped it up. Now, the television gods have got too lazy to even put average Joes and Josephines in a house together. First, Channel 4 gave us The Fried Chicken Shop: Life in a day. An hour of watching people in a chicken shop is hardly the most stimulating viewing experience. It did, however, carry a certain level of mundane charm. Now, they have taken it a bit far and given birth to the monstrosity that is Gogglebox. This is a show that involves watching members of the public watch TV from the comfort of their sofas. The TV gods have really thrown in the towel with this one.Watching Gogglebox is like rewatching your standard night in front of the television without actually watching the television. While watching the television. Is it postmodernism? Is it some sort of Black Mirror experiment? I hope so. Otherwise it is just a terrible viewing experience. Channel 4 didn’t even go to the effort of trying to find some genuinely entertaining characters for us to watch watching TV. We are faced with insufferable poshos Steph and Dom, along with their dog Gigi, popping out the champagne and responding to Masterchef with such insights such as ‘Bring back servants’ and reacting to one contestant’s winning £250,000 on The Cube with ‘Is that it?’ Other stereotypes include camp Brighton hairdressers Steven and Chris, accompanied by their dog Ginge, and Wigan lads Steven and Michael. It is not the sort of programme that gets better with persistence. You don’t form an emotional attachment to the characters. I simply feel sorry for the people who put themselves forward to be in the show, I feel sorry for myself for sitting through it and I feel sorry for humanity as this must be the final countdown for television. Bring back

Cilla and Matthew Kelly. Or I may just have to sell my TV. Mona Tabbara

SUMMER LOVING

‘The last summer holiday of our lives.’ That being those three months of seaside bliss/Himalayan trekking/festival-fuelled holiday all second years have been planning in the library next to third years maniacally gorging on finals notes. For some this may be speckled with a few weeks’ work experience, with the lucky few nabbing that bonus of travel or lunch subsidies. (A reminder to non-arts students: boasting loudly of your paid placements that ensure your foot is now firmly lodged in that precious door of employment - hush now. The fate of the philosophy student is a tender topic, don’t push them to an existential

breakdown.) Admittedly, last year’s European Interrailing trip went so far as to ‘informally request an extension’ of said overdraft. Apparently, and I know this from experience, it cannot be done twice. But I have learnt from past mistakes - Europe is expensive. Who knew? Moreover, shouldn’t I be awakening the presently dormant facets of my mind and soul, discovering new continents and exploring the depths of my abilities? So I chose Morocco… surfing in Morocco. Not only have I never surfed, but swimming has always been one of my lesser talents. I abide by those fundamental lessons taught religiously to us as children: bigger the splash, better the swimmer. Returning thoughts to funds, a quick browse on Skyscanner assured me that unless I was willing to take an 8 hour pitstop in Madrid airport, a job hunt was going to be necessary. Step 1 - apply for internships. Step 2 - realise that most publishing, journalism and writing-related internships don’t pay, are extremely oversubscribed and the deadlines closed in February. Step 3- apply to a marketing internship at a leading insurance company in the

City at the literal last minute of application. Yes I don’t really know how I got to Step 3 either, studying Logic doesn’t seem to have sunk into

my practical reasoning yet. Fast forward two months: an email popped silently into my inbox. Isolated amongst the infinite lists of unopened Groupon vouchers lay a formal congratulatory message from Mr J Howard, Undergraduate Recruiter. Gobsmacked shock does not describe the gormlessness that prevailed my face at that point. Yet what I had not taken into consideration was that Mr

J Howard was not going to hand me over a two month placement just

on the merits of my CV and cover letter, oh no. I had certainly not expected the online critical analysis test, telephone interview, personal interview, assessment day and case study presentation that was to come. Such was my astonishment and clear lack of preparation that when it came to taking the rush hour morning tube to Liverpool Street to meet my sixteen Oxbridge rivals I realised I had no smart shoes. It must have been my awkward limping across the office floor

in my sister’s miniscule pumps that rendered me just short of the mark. Since then a more experienced and grounded self has found the usual few weeks here and there, unpaid. But surf funds will be gathered elsewhere, and these weeks in an informal, Bristol based publishing house are far closer to the world I wish to inhabit at some point in the future. Perhaps it was not the tiny shoes (size 3.5? ridiculous.) but the high pitched wavering tone in ‘Yes marketing in a professional environment such as this is what I’ve aspired to do my whole life!’ that tripped

me at the last hurdle. Claudia Knowles

Issue 12

21.05.13

ubu.org.ukUBU NEWS

Vice President Activites Martha West announces fund for societies during refurb

UBU News | Issue 12 | 21.05.13

this and felt that this should be something the University were supporting and should have been considered by the University in advance of the refurbishment. At that point they did not commit to giving any money instead writing back to the University to explain that they felt this was something the University should be funding and not the Alumni Foundation.

However the University still expressed

resources to support this and therefore it went back to the Alumni Foundation.

At the most recent Alumni Foundation meeting on Friday 10 May, the application I had submitted was reconsidered.

The Alumni Foundation very generously gave £20,000 towards the Refurbishment Disruption Fund, and it was incredible to see such support from the committee for the extra-curricular activity that takes place at UBU when the University couldn't support it.

I, on behalf of all UBU clubs and societies, can't thank the Alumni Foundation enough for supporting us so generously through the refurbishment - which has

The Refurbishment Disruption fund was

back in December.

It was brought up at a Student Growth Meeting in early December where the University expressed their support for the idea, and said they would look into funding it.

Increasingly I was being approached by

martial arts space) that didn't come with a high cost attached.

I followed up after the Student Growth meeting in December emailing the University Senior Management at the start of the Spring Term in January.

They had clearly made efforts to

had no luck so suggested I go to the Alumni Foundation committee to see if they would be able to support this. I submitted the application to the Alumni

They were quite disappointed that the University had looked to them to fund

1

proved a disruptive time for student groups.

This fund is intended to cover and subsidise any additional costs that societies and clubs might face as a result of the refurbishment, whether this be hiring out external spaces or having to buy equipment that wouldn't otherwise be needed to move kit, amongst other things.

It will hopefully mean that these student groups can continue to be as active and great as they have been in the past whilst still remaining accessible and affordable for students.

In the next few weeks I will be creating an application form and promotional material so that students know about the fund and how they can make use of it.

Keep an eye on ubu.org.uk/activities for more information and updates.

Vice President Activities Martha West

Artists impression of the

2 UBU News | Issue 12 | 21.05.13

New Student Trustees

LGBT+ society triumphs at NUS Conference

On Thursday 9 May 2013, the last Student Council of

the year voted to elect two 2-year and one 1-year

Student Trustees to take office from 1 July 2013.

University of Bristol LGBT+ society scooped the

prestigious ‘LGBT Society of the Year’ award at the

NUS LGBT Conference in Manchester.

members, support group facilitators, event organisers and participants. We

The new trustees are:

Naomi McKay

Steve Gibbs

Sahar Hassan

passion for social justice and fairness

President Kelvin Chen with the award

Revision Tips

We’re Here, Stay Positive

’

UBU News | Issue 12 | 21.05.13 3

UBU launches a consultation to improve democratic structure

Byelaw Timeline

At Student Council on 9 May, the Full-time Elected

Officer team presented their draft plans to

improve the Students’ Union’s democratic structure.

Do you know someone who fits into one of these

categories? Do you play for the best team? Are you

a member of the best society? Vote now.

Find full details of each category and how to vote at ubu.org.uk

Their presentation marked the launch of a two-part consultation where students will be able to give feedback on the proposed improvements.

The draft plans, including student feedback, will be developed into a new set of Byelaws, the documents that set out how the Students’ Union is democratically governed and run. The new Byelaws will go into effect if approved by a two-thirds majority vote of Student Council.

ubu.org.uk/democracy-consultation along with a feedback form and online forum for submitting suggestions and alternative ideas.

The online part of the consultation will be open until 5pm on 22 May. Suggestions or questions can also be emailed directly to ubudemocracy@bristol .ac .uk. The

session at the UBU Info Point from 12-2pm on 21 May.

Once the online consultation has closed, the

to codify how the improvements will become practice. This draft will be published on 24 May, launching the second part of the

food!) from 1-3pm on 31 May.

of the new Byelaws will be published online and sent to members of Student Council. At a special meeting during the week of 10 June, Student Council members will vote on whether or not the new Byelaws should become UBU’s governing documents.

“This is a really important process and we want as many students as possible to tell us what they do and don’t like about the changes that we’re proposing. Ultimately it’s Student Council who will decide, and it’s vital that we put forward a draft set of Byelaws that students can get behind.”

Sports

• Club of the year

• Team of the year

• Coach of the year

• Sports person of the year

• Most improved

• Outstanding contribution

Society & Media

• Best society

• Best new society

• Best small society

• Best departmental society

• Best production

• Best event

• Best trip

• Best news feature

• Best specialist feature

• Best show

Volunteering

• Contribution to Volunteering

• Best Fundraising Effort

•

• Most Enthusiastic Volunteer

• Most developed project

• Best New Volunteering Project

RAG

• Most Enthusiastic RAG Member

• Best Society Collaboration

• Best RAG Event

• Best International Trip Volunteer

• Unsung Hero

• Outstanding Contribution to RAG

Nom

inat

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Ope

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May

• C

erem

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Nom

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• C

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Nominations Open

9 MayNew democratic structure proposed at Student Council

22 May

for submitting suggestions and criticisms online

31 May1-3pm and

discussion on the draft of the Byelaws

5 or 6 June Final draft of Byelaws pub-lished and circulated

24 May

published and circulated

21 May

session with the

Info Point

9-31 May Consultation

Period including:

4 or 5 June

amendments

Byelaw

11 or 12 June 1-hour Student

Council meeting to vote on the

Byelaws and any amendments

Vice President Education Tom Flynn

Your What’s OnGuideMay / June

2013

May* weekly event

June

If you have any events that you would like included in The LIST or our online

calendar at ubu.org.uk/events, please email lauren.mcguffog@bristol.ac.uk

Monday 13 May

Nominations Open for RAG & Volunteering Awards 2013

Nominations Open for Sports Awards 2013

Wednesday 15 May

Study Strategy Group, 12:30-1:30pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Dragging your feet workshop 1:45-3:15pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Monday 20 May

Nominations Open for Society & Media Awards 2013

Wednesday 22 May

Study Strategy Group, 12:30-1:30pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Thursday 23 May

Stress Management workshop 4-5pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Wednesday 29 May

Study Strategy Group, 12:30-1:30pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Thursday 30 May

Stress Management workshop 4-5pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Wednesday 5 June

Study Strategy Group, 12:30-1:30pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Dragging your feet workshop 1:45-3:15pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Wednesday 12 June

Study Strategy Group, 12:30-1:30pm, booking required • see ubu.org.uk/events

Thursday 13 June

UBU Summer Ball • See ubu.org.uk/summerball

Friday 14 June

LAST DAY OF EXAMS

4 UBU News | Issue 12 | 21.05.13

The

List

Saturday 15 June

Orbital Summer Ball • Bristol Zoo Gardens. Tickets and info at ubu.org.uk/events

Monday 17 June

Society & Media Awards Ceremony • ubu.org.uk/activities/societies/societymediaawards

Tuesday 18 June

Sports Awards Ceremony

Wednesday 19 June

RAG & Volunteering Awards Ceremony • Details at bristolrag.co.uk

Thursday 20 June

Union Awards Ceremony • See ubu.org.uk/awards

ubu.org.uk/justask ubu-justask@bristol.ac.uk 0117 33 13511We’re Here, Stay Positive

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Lizi Woolgarstyle@

epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Alice Johnstondeputystyle@

epigram.org.uk

If you ask any student to think back to what they wore as a kid, you’re likely to see a mixture of sighing, laughter and head-shaking as people recall their tie-dye leggings and velvet headbands – or was that just me? I’m pretty sure I saw more than a few girls joining me in the gingham pinafore look, something I could not be happier to leave behind…and yet 2013’s new fashion trends are starting to reveal that perhaps we were more stylish than we think. While that probably wasn’t a concern of ours aged 6-10, the average Bristol student puts a little more thought into their dressing and so it is for you that I’ve compiled a list of your childhood staples which you can happily take back up again, both for the nostalgia and the fashion kudos! Although maybe don’t try all of them together unless you’re feeling really nostalgic for Saved by the Bell…

Turn back the clock to childhood fashion

Oh how I loved my denim dungarees when I was young. Only one piece of clothing and it meant I could do

cartwheels without showing my underwear? Pretty much a kid’s

dream. There’s a lot more choice this time around, from light-wash to dark, plain to print, short to long, so that

means no reason not to get in on the trend. And if you’re feeling girly, there are even some dungaree-inspired skirts

to keep you happy!

DungareesI think every child must have owned at

least one scrunchie, if not a lucky scrunchie a la Legally Blonde! Then we learned that

they made us look ridiculous and they quickly became lost as people discovered straighteners. Well, fear no more, because they’re back, to mixed response yes but

back all the same! Why not just revert back to your eight-year-old self, flick it into place and relish the knowledge that you will not have a kink in your hair at the end of the

day – you’d forgotten that bit of scrunchie-magic, hadn’t you? If only for days of

revision when you don’t want your hair ruined for tomorrow, the scrunchie is a nice throwback to days when the only thing you cared about your hair was that it was out of

your eyes.

Scrunchies

Sweet and comfortable, these were the perfect compromise for

when you’re parents wanted you to be that little bit more presentable. Now, they’re an easy and practical

daily outfit which requires little styling and is extremely flexible in a student wardrobe. Wear it alone in the summer, pair it with a lacy top for evening or a shirt, either plain or patterned, for a smarter but still

youthful day outfit!

Pinafore dresses Remember when it rained and you just threw on that old plastic raincoat and your wellies and ran

outside? That may have seemed like the opposite of fashion-conscious but 2013 has brought Perspex to the fore in accessories from runway to high street. While wearing Perspex is a

little too daring in a head-to-toe look, incorporating it into your wardrobe for a bit of modern fun is now super easy, whether it’s in a satchel to take

to lectures or a summer sandal.

Maddy Streets

Perspex

When summer came around, every little girl could be counted on to

run around in a crop top and shorts, whether it was part of a swimming costume or just as a cooler way to enjoy the sunshine. While this isn’t

new to the fashion scene, it’s a perfect way to bring back some retro charm while making sure people do realise that you are in fact an adult. Embracing the slightly more covered

options, which come in a range of fabrics, from pretty lace to graphic

superhero print.

Crop-tops

Everyone knows by now how stressful revision can be. But those last weeks before exams kick off can be made even more hellish by that irritating but relevant question- what to wear? How do you maintain comfort, but not look like something that fell straight out of bed and into the ASS? Somehow even the most casual morning dressers, who in happier times don’t think twice about what to wear, can find themselves in a bit of a pickle when faced with the pre-library morning wardrobe rummage. You could throw on your trusty old jumper again, the one that’s so huge that you can pull over your knees if you get cold…but you’ve worn it almost much every day for the last week and you’re pretty sure that people around you are starting to notice. Then again, if you go for something better-thought through (most of the time not for anyone’s benefit except your own, lets be honest no one really notices) it involves quite a lot of maintenance. Skirts need to be adjusted, tight jeans aren’t that comfy after a 10-hour ASS session and what if you spill your morning coffee (free with your newly acquired Waitrose card) on your new shirt? And it’s not just the outfit. Do

you bother washing your hair, or do you just pump it full of dry shampoo for the second day in a row and risk looking like Marie Antoinette? You’d think that the revision period and the lack of fun associated with it would save you money, but the fact that you now ‘hate all your clothes’ because you’ve spent so long staring at them in the morning means that you have to buy new ones (obviously). Plus, online shopping’s a good revision break and you deserve it, don’t you? Comfort vs. Style - definitely a case of the lesser of two evils. I’ve decided that the way to get around this problem is to stop trying to achieve both. It’s likely that this is never going to happen, at least not at 7:30 in the morning so just pick the one you care about more and go with that. Personally, I think I’ll be lining up my trusty old jumper for the n-th day in a row, and just taking the chance that everyone sat around me thinks I don’t own any other clothes. Even if these dubious ASS puns can’t cheer you up, maybe a big woolly jersey can.

Ellie Vincent

Exam style: the final countdown

Ebun

i.com

, £4

each

River Island, £12

New

Loo

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24.9

9

20.05.13

If only I could turn back time...“There’s no glamour or mystery any more. Celebrities look

like they rolled in the mud”In a world overrun by ‘teen trends’ and ‘hot twenty-somethings’, can it really be the case that there is such a thing as a fashionable age group? I would argue not. Take a look at this four fashionistas, proudly waving their fashion flags at both ends of the age spectrum!

Iris ApfelYou might spot her glasses before you get a glimpse of the creature hidden behind, but Iris Apfel is certainly no shrinking violet. After a life of chic, creative and downright kooky fashion creations, it is only right that Iris, aged 91, is finally granted the appreciation she deserves.After a relatively under-the-radar career as an anonymous textile designer, some clever folks at the New York Met took notice of her eclectic designs and launched ‘Rara Avis: Selections from The Iris Barrel Apfel Collection’. With the unbelievable nonchalance of a well-trained fashionista, Iris claims to have turned down numerous museum offers before this, not to mention the frequent high profile fashion event and front-row-fashion-show invites. Apfel has featured in Vogue Italia, graced the cover of Dazed & Confused and was named one of the fifty best-dressed over 50s by the Guardian in 2013. I would argue THE best-dressed over fifty. With the blasé attitude and balls of steel to pull off quite literally anything.

- Iris Apfel

Vivienne WestwoodThe flame-haired beauty has pioneered the outlandish punk trend since its surfacing in the 70s and still – aged 72 - looks every inch as stylish as her faithful army of followers.

Westwood first came into the public eye with her creations for Malcolm McLaren, member of the Sex Pistols, in the 70s. A fair few studs, chokers and tartan-prints later, Westwood went on to open a number of shops throughout the UK, and subsequently, worldwide.

Married twice and a self-confessed political activist, Westwood demonstrates that one does not need to be A) stupid or B) a sheep, to gain the truest fashion seal of approval.

From her very first (Pirate-themed!) catwalk show in 1981 to that wedding dressing in SATC’s 2008 film adaptation, Westwood has never been afraid to inject a little (or a lot) of attitude into her designs. The fearless character also, rather comically, accepted her OBE in 1992 knicker-less – which, of course, amused the ever-pervasive paparazzi to no end.

Suri Cruise With a fashion blog devoted to her, at only 7 years of age, Suri Cruise is set to be a mini fashion icon from an early age. Her style appeals to other parents, as she dresses in a manner considered suitably reserved for her age, unlike some kids these days (Willow Smith anyone?). But her style also appeals to other children, by injecting juvenile fun and carelessness into her wardrobe.

With numerous websites advertising ‘how to dress like Suri Cruise’ and Daily Mail reporting her wearing knee-high boots and ‘green nail varnish’, Suri has managed to gain herself quite the celeb-status following.

According to ‘4kids.com’, Suri is apparently renowned for her bold footwear, statement jackets and print-dresses. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that Katie Holmes is dressing her, and ‘style icon Suri’ has pretty much no idea what she’s putting on.

Romeo BeckhamForget Cara and her eyebrows. Forget Eddie and his sparkling blue eyes. Little Mr. Romeo Beckham has got to be the best thing to hit Burberry since… well, ever! He was unveiled as the new Face of Burberry’s Spring/Summer 2013 campaign last December, much to the public’s undying approval. Handpicked by Christopher Bailey, the 10-year-old was shot by renowned photographer Mario Testino alongside top models Charlie France, Cara Delevigne and Edie Campbell. Sending the fashion world into frenzy, he is now expected to follow in Victoria’s footsteps and take the fashion world by storm. Like Suri, Romeo has been eagerly followed by websites such as the Daily Mail, documenting his bold fashion choices of fluorescent Nike trainers and a ‘trendy down jacket by Burberry’. Already featured in Vogue, cast across a billboard high above the famous Sunset Strip of LA and with the fashion-influence of his designer mother, it looks like nothing will stop Romeo in his path to fashi-stardom.

Lizi Woolgar

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Alicia Queirotravel@

epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Alex Bradbrookdeputytravel@epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

Meal of fortune: a whistlestop tourNow that exam season is approaching, I suspect your brains are slowly being filled with that special kind of

transient garbage required solely to pass exams. The kind of irrelevant titbit that goes in one ear, and – by the middle of June – flies out the other into the ether, only to be hastily recaptured come resits in September. As a historian, remembering dry facts provides a uniquely statistical kind of pain. Since mid-April, my skull has gradually been inundated by the manifold pleasures of 16th century population levels and endless disputes

about Southeast Asian rice exports.

Over the last couple of weeks I decided, as my mind was filling with notes, to fill my stomach with something just as fleeting – though hopefully more pleasurable. Taking advantage of our city’s cosmopolitan food scene, I temporarily (or not so temporarily, if my friends are to be believed) donned my pretentious culinary beret and embarked on an international food tour of Bristol. So: loosen your metaphorical belts, break out your best A.A.

Gill impression and bon appetit.

1. Bristanbul (137 Gloucester Road)Or perhaps I should say afiyet olsun which, as

the Internet reliably informs me, is the Turkish translation. A small café right at the top of Bristol’s most alternative of thoroughfares,

Bristanbul’s website proudly claims it to be the only Turkish patisserie in the city. This is understandable: the quality of the place means this presumably niche market is most definitely filled. Pastries are fresh, and not in same way that Tesco burgers are pure beef. An

elderly lady kneels quietly behind the tables deftly folding dough and, with barely a flick of her wrist,

places the finished burek (savoury pies, usually filled with spinach or cheese) in the small wood-burning

oven next to her. Beside that is an imposing glass display containing an artery-busting array of biscuits and cakes, the homemade baklava reducing my blood vessels to mud

in minutes. Talking of mud, the richness of the coffee, a rich, viscous concoction drunk from Croatia to Iran, was perfect

– for my palate, if not my life expectancy.

2. Italian Stall (St. Nicholas Market)

For a less lethal kind of coffee, I headed to one of the hole-in-the-wall establishments in St Nicholas Market for some espresso. As my name suggests, I do lay claim to at least some Italian heritage. As a consequence, I am genetically programmed to be snobby about

the culinary exports of my putative fatherland. Fortunately, the

lasagne was good, and the tiramisu spectacular, a huge slab of cream

and coffee dumped unceremoniously from the fridge onto a plastic plate.

For the majority of my stay, my hosts treated me with the usual contempt afforded to ignorant Anglo-Saxons by their more enlightened Continental

cousins. But another certainty of the Italian psyche is that when

confronted with one of their own – especially on these grim northern shores – even the dourest of stronzi

(Google at your own risk) will lighten up. The host delivered my coffee to me personally and I was even seen

off with a cheery ciao.

4. Browns (30 Queens Road)

Not foreign per-se, but the architectural style of the building was ‘Byzantine

Bristol’ and that certainly sounded exotic enough.

More than that, most of the patrons were the yapping Jack Wills-clad type who – presumably due to a collective heavy fall at

a formative age – forgot that they were not in Napa

anymore and could not get away with wearing sandals and Hawaiian

shirts in mid-April. As far as I was concerned, then, the clientele constituted

an alien-enough crowd for me to write about. The

food was excellent, though somewhat dampened

by being surrounded by guffawing lads. Maybe I could follow my own

example and talk to them in their own language? I

tried saying ‘sorry mate’ to someone as I passed him

on the way to the toilet. He didn’t hear me.

5. Beans on Toast (My Flat)

Sartre famously wrote that ‘Hell is other people’ and I figured that if I was going to act like a

proper pompous foodie I could do worse than follow the example of that most angsty of French

existentialists. Sat alone in the kind of squalor that non-students can only imagine in their worst nightmares, I carefully toasted my ciabatta – if I’m going to make beans on toast, I’m going to do it

properly – and plopped the beans carefully on top. ‘Well this is different, I thought.’ No one heard

me.

Andrea Valentino

3. Taka-Taka (The Triangle)

The moral of the story, then, is to learn the language if you want to be treated well by foreign café owners.

Better still, be a genuine native. This ridiculously simplistic and generalised maxim was, at least,

proved true when I went with a Hellas native to the relatively new Greek café on the Triangle. After the shock of hearing one of his own, the man behind the counter chatted amiably to my friend, even

bringing her souvlaki (meat wrapped in pita bread with assorted salad and chips) to her table. As a mere Italian, I got no such treatment. I was perhaps hoping that our two nations were in similar enough plights

that coming from the wrong side of the Adriatic might not matter. No such luck. Apparently corrupt governance and economic ruin is no substitute for genuine patriotic solidarity. I tried salvaging the

situation by calling out a jovial efharisto (thank you very much) as I left. No one heard me.

20.05.13

Andrea Valentino

Switzerland: universally known as the cleanest, most environmentally conscious, idyllic country in Europe. Lausanne: the Olympic capital, a culturally and economically booming city as well as Switzerland’s student hub. Described by its main tourist office as a ‘unique city’ which ‘punches above its weight’ I knew I had chosen well by going for the ‘off-the-beaten-track’ destination of Lausanne for the second leg of my year abroad.

First impressions count. On embarking on my daily commute down to Ouchy for week two of my internship, a sweaty, out-of-breath Sophia was disheartened to find that, alas, the 8.17am bus had left at 8.15. There is such a thing as over-punctuality it seems – who knew? When living in Buenos Aires last term my prepaid coach to Mar del Plata waited for Sophia-stuck-in-traffic for half an hour. And furthermore, due to the Greek culture (whereby it is almost considered rude to turn up to anything early or on time) firmly rooted in me since birth, I think it is fair to say that Lausanne calls for a lifestyle change.

Lausanne is a city boasting a wealth of cultural attractions. Apart from the obvious – such as the gothic cathedral and the Olympic Museum – there really is a plethora of sites to explore. Why not take a trip to the main train station to appreciate the flow of Lausannois passing by? The exceptional post office and the radiantly grey university campuses UNIL and EPFL are also musts. One can even visit the Museum of Wood in Aubonne, the town of Denens (the world capital of scarecrows – duh). For all you budding florists there’s the unmissable May Tulip Festival. Ouchy is widely recognised as a charming place for a summer stroll or cup of tea, situated on the border of the lake with an impressive alpine landscape. And that is something even I can attest to.

An afternoon in Ouchy NEVER disappoints. Except when foggy. But never mind - every city has its faults.

Students on a shoestring fear not! Lausanne

is the place to be. A month’s accommodation in halls of residence was at the student-friendly price of CHF 1040 (£730) for a whole bedroom and a shared bathroom! (Deposit only CHF 1600/£1120). Sadly, there wasn’t a toaster in the halls, but a bargain nonetheless. For a cheap bite to eat, you can pop to Lausanne’s QED equivalent, Aperto, for a 15 franc (£11) giveaway (N.B. they don’t heat the sandwiches). Browns is going to have one regular customer next year in Bristol if I’m consistent with my daily lunchtime

spending! With cinema tickets at just CHF 19 (£13), a double vodka lemonade at CHF 15 (£11) at the student favourite bar Darlings, and a one off Zumba class for CHF 25 (£18), a day-out in Lausanne is almost as cheap as a

night out at Lounge. I did get a CHF 20 (£14) wax for free once though. That was pretty great.

A final fun topic: Switzerland and its admin, paperwork and laws. I was relieved to hear that in January a law was introduced whereby it is obligatory to use white bin bags (a steal at 20 francs/£14 for a packet of 10) and an offence to use the classic black ones in order to promote recycling and separating waste. This CRIME is liable to an administrative

charge somewhere between 200 and 400 francs (£140-£280). No blague. As for paperwork, based on experience, I tend to carry my passport, birth certificate, health insurance, work permit, bank details and at

least seven passport photos with me everywhere in order to avoid being sent home through my dodgy, ‘junky’ ridden neighbourhood to go and fetch x, y and z. Surely they should be trying to sort out the drug users and alcohol abusers who linger in Place de La Riponne before banning black bin bags? FYI – never wash your car on a Sunday and never leave your car keys in your car with the door unlocked. You WILL be fined.

“If you do come and

visit me, you should know that it is not permitted to

flush the toilet after 10pm.”

With a nightlife to die for, a profusion of exciting activities at your fingertips, an unfailingly glamorous climate and budget-fun to be had, there really is more to Lausanne than

just the economic, cultural and student attractiveness. Come and visit me here and your perception of Switzerland as the home of delightful Swiss chalets, Rolex watches, skiing and cheese fondue will definitely not be tainted.

IMPORTANT: If you do come and visit me, you should know that it is not permitted to flush the toilet after 10pm.

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Sophia Hadjipateras

A day in... LausanneFlickr: rMaarten Danial

Surviving your year abroad: an idiot’s guide

Sophie Padgett

“Don’t get excited when your

host family, who make disgusting food every night, tell you that you

are having pizza for supper. When we sat down to eat I was presented with a slice of

mustard and courgette pizza. It was so sad.”

“Avoid Erasmus-

organised events unless you want to

feel like you are back in Fresher’s week only this time spending the majority of your time speaking slow English

to Swedish people.”

Students spending their years abroad are now coming to the end of their time away from Bristol. So with the end now in sight Epigram spoke to a few of these intrepid travellers to find what this experience has taught them.

“It is particularly

important to make sure you have your vocab

sorted when attempting to get a bikini wax in Italy. You don’t want to find yourself

being given a laser treatment instead and wondering where it was that the communication broke

down.”

“French baguettes are delicious. FACT.

The clichés are right, baguettes are nomalicious and you should eat them every chance you get because English

bread just isn’t as good.”

“No matter how many

times you get sunburnt, the Portuguese will never get tired of

pointing it out and mocking you, so slap on some factor 50 and save

yourself the torment.”

“Spanish boys never take part in language tandems to improve their

English. Qué lástima.”

“Pack your suitcase full of drugs (the legal kind) Spanish pharmacies are

expensive and never open when you need them.”

“DO try and

keep on top of the year

abroad essays, otherwise you find yourself in

prime beach-going season stuck inside

writing about the history of the Catalan language.”

“Don’t compare your experience to

other people’s, it may look like they are having the most amazing time in Rio but the chances are they have spent a few evenings

sobbing into Skype as well.”

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elEditor:

Alicia Queirotravel@

epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Alex Bradbrookdeputytravel@epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

AIRMAIL

Beach bums in Brazil

It beats me as to why more people don’t study languages. They don’t seem to realise that with all language degrees, a year abroad is obligatory. Just as a chemist must go to labs, or medics must do a hospital placement, we language students must live in another country for a year. As was the case with most Portuguese students, the allure of Brazil trumped that of Portugal, and I put myself forward for the placement at the University of Santa Catarina in Florianopolis, Southern Brazil. The process of selection was arduous but fair, with Bristol opting for the ‘put-all-your-names-in-a-hat-and-the-first-six-read-out-get-to-go’ method. Cue scenes of ecstatic jubilation and false commiseration. With a smile the size of Brazil on my face, and fewer course pals than ever before, I set off for the place that Wikipedia describes as being famed for its ‘very high quality of life’.

That quality of life to which Wikipedia refers is best described as that of a beach bum – and I appreciate that it’s not for everyone. When it rains, for example, there’s not much to do except play Boggle and check the surf forecast. There are no museums or galleries of note, nor is there an abundance of local cultural activities. What this place does not lack, however, is amazing beaches. Renowned for its surfing, Florianopolis is crammed full of dreadlocked, guitar-playing, bracelet-selling characters who sit around listening to reggae or samba

music while sipping the lethal local concoction known as Amarelinho (a combination of cachaça and passion fruit juice, sold at the dangerous price of 50p a pop).

Bizarrely, people tend to go to the beach every day ¬– making me wonder as to whether anyone actually has a job.

Instead, surfing or Capoeira tend to be some of the most popular occupations. Now, surfing is extremely cool. Everyone knows that. Bearing this in mind, I’ve been giving it a go. I began

by doing lessons with cool dude surfer stereotype ‘Fabrizio’. To my disappointment, his classes involved endless amounts of stretching on the beach while wearing bright yellow rash vests, before repeatedly practicing the required movements on the sand. When we finally entered the water, it immediately became clear that surfing is not nearly as easy as it looks. However, having stood up a couple of times, I decided my beach rep was being destroyed to the point of no return by the huge foam board and luminous yellow rash vest. I have since stopped the lessons and bought myself my own board which is far beyond my level and instead opt to carry it around at all times and pose with it whilst talking about ‘wave formations’ on the beach. It has seen minimal actual surfing action, but is loved nonetheless.

While I would have loved for this article to have conveyed that my time here has a had a profound impact on me, and that I am beginning to really ‘find myself’ through the discovery of a culture far removed from that of my own, it would have been a lie. The reality is a bit more simple. Sun, surf, sea, beach, lake, Caipirinha. Sun, surf, sea, beach, lake, Caipirinha…You get the idea. I understand that next year’s Portuguese students will not have the opportunity to study here. Poor them.

Hugh DaviesForeign Correspondent in Brazil

Dear e2,

This is a picture of someone jumping off the Old Bridge in Mostar, Bosnia. It ’s 24 meters high - so there’s quite a splash when you hit the water!

Love,Jemma Buckley x

Wish you were here!

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The final day of the holiday was surprisingly subdued. The Fuze boys were experiencing burnout. From what I could see it had to be emotional burnout, the regular application of tanning oil on the beach ensured I did not miss the constant shaded muscles of these physical specimens. But as the erstwhile philosopher that is Strong-Jaw Luke said: ‘If life’s a catwalk and we have to walk within reality’s walls then every moment is a performance with which one’s soul has to be symbiotic’. No, I didn’t understand it.

“I witnessed a beautiful ritual

of model culture to which David

Attenborough’s dulcet tones

themselves could not do justice.”

Nevermind – Luke and the boys had just built a blanket fortress in Casa Guapo in which to recuperate. As we all know a fort can often transport you to different realms of thought, so within its blankety walls it was easy to forgive Luke for his word vomits and intimidatingly chiselled jaw line.

After a long day of

rest and recovery we went for one last shindig at the club. As we walked in I watched the collective eyes of the group light up: a gang of female models of similar size (in number not build) were by the bar. They shared similar features: the faux-glazed eyes - a look which creates intrigue; the shoulders dropped back - a look which creates admiration; and the hips which sling the legs jaggedly in front of them - a look which creates fear amongst small woodland creatures.

The boys perked up after experiencing the semi-meditative state that comes from sitting in a blanket fort after collectively downing 20kg of protein shake. We ‘swagged’ over to them (yet another thing I’ve picked up on holiday with ‘tha boiz’). I was expecting chitchat and flirting. Instead, I witnessed a beautiful ritual of model culture to which David Attenborough’s dulcet tones themselves could not do justice. Pairing off at lightning speed they all matched themselves to their equivalent. Tall with tall, skinny wrist with skinny wrist, toned abs with toned legs. Then, as a pack, they slinked into the VIP area –

leaving me alone, pretending to cough and check my switched off phone (didn’t want to incur roaming charges) for pretend texts.

After a suitable amount of scrolling and tapping I looked up. I’d gone from being with the coolest damn cats in the whole club to being a loner, doing loner things like not being incredibly handsome in a universally accepted way and being the only guy to keep his t-shirt on in photos. All I had were my powers of conversation and my cheeky style: dressing shitly in an unknowing way. I looked up, expecting to see a raucous crowd of models pointing at me and laughing their heads off. Instead I saw a group of handsome men and women, sitting together, philosophising about things I didn’t really understand in their own abstract way. So I left them to it and had a dance with some other mortals.

I knew I didn’t get their customs, and they didn’t get mine. In the end I’m pretty happy with that, we just ‘was what we was’. At least I’m no longer nervous when I bump into Strong-Jaw Luke – instead I enjoy the knowledge that I’m about to hear something that will completely blow my tiny uncoiffed mind.

Anonymous

looking fly!Part Three of our agent’s trip with the really beautiful people

F;ickr: greenkozi

SUMMER BALL 2013

ubu.org.uk/summerball/bristol_ball/bristolsummerball

13 JUNE 2013headline act - everything everything

stunning LEIGH COURT LOCATION, Circus theme, Two stages, huge headline acts, Cirque du Soleil trained aerial artists, walkabout entertainers and fire breathers, specially designed sound and lighting, spectacular fireworks, massive big tops, fairgrounds and free transport to and from the site.

From your Students’ Union, helping you stay positive.