Fund Development Counsel

Education of a ChildThe Wisdom of Fenelon

Recommended books: Duties of Parents; The Education of a Child by Fenelon; Disappearance of Childhood; War of

Words; Teddy’s Button; Helen’s Temper; Little Threads; Courage at Runaway Brook; Basil: Honesty and Industry

www.lamplighterpublishing.com

With Character Comprehension Quizzes!WWW.LAMPLIGHTER.NET

LAMPLIGHTER PUBLISHING

The Education of a Child

from the

Wisdom of Fenelon

“I was profoundly touched by the book True to the Last. I COULD NOT put it down. When I finished, I was sobbing. My prayer after reading this was, “Lord, make me more like you...”

“Dear Lamplighter: I just listened to A Peep Behind the Scenes audio drama and at my desk at work and I am in tears. It’s more than I could describe.

Lamplighter, Every teenager in the world needs to read Hand on the Bridle…if I had read that when I was a young teen it would have changed the direction of my life!

The book White Knights is the best book for boys we have ever found. In fact, we are writing parts of the story on my boys bedroom walls! Thank you for supplying us with godly role models!

“Dear Mark, I wanted you to know that my 7-year-old daughter prayed that the Good Shepherd would find her after she listened to A Peep Behind the Scenes. Two weeks later she came to us and said the Good Shepherd had found her. So I can say first hand that the Lord is using the stories to draw people to himself.”

“Lamplighter’s ministry of building character one story at a time has been greatly used by God. The Lamplighter books and dramas have had a huge effect on our family.”

“Mark, we’re listening to Lamplighter Theatre and we’re hanging on every word as well as moved to tears. We hope and pray that God provides the resources necessary to keep this part of your ministry going - it’s a great blessing!”

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    Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real connection with Stacy and she is so nice.   But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings', and the fact that she is much older than I am.She really is perfect for me and she told me that she would like to start a family right away.     Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I ready to take on this responsibility. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 

                                Love, Your Son,                                           John 

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over  at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card, that's in my center desk drawer. 

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.  

Perspective

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The destiny of this child, confided to Fenelon, was the future fate of a nation. The disposition of this child, however, inspired more fear than hope. “He was terrible from birth,” said one Simon. “In his earliest years he caused those about him to tremble; unfeeling, displaying the most violent passion, which extended towards inanimate objects, incapable of bearing the slightest contradiction, even from the hours or the elements, without giving way to a whirlwind of rage sufficient to break all the blood-vessels in his body—I speak of what I have often witnessed: opinionated to excess; absorbed in the pursuits of pleasure, fond of good living, following the chase with furious impetuosity, enjoying music with a sort of delirium, madly attached to play, but unable to bear loss, and when defeated, becoming positively dangerous; in fact, abandoned to all the evil passions, and transported by every corrupting pleasure; often savage, naturally cruel; bitter in raillery, ridiculing with a remorseless power, regarding all men (irrespective of merit), from his high position, but as atoms with whom he could have no affinity. The extent and vivacity of his powers were so varied that they prevented his fixing upon any distinct branch of knowledge, and almost rendered him incapable of study. From this abyss came forth a prince.” This prince was the child confided to Fenelon to remodel.

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The road I present, though it may appear long, is the shortest, since it leads directly to where we want to go; the other road, which is that of fear, and of a superficial cultivation of the mind, however short it appears, is too long; for by it we never arrive at the true end of education, which is to persuade the mind, and to inspire it with a sincere love of virtue, and a passion for learning.

Kinder Garden Flowers, fill their lives with smiles and kindness…San Diego Airport

Fear leads to frustration, which leads to shame, which leads to hiding or aggression

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“Perfect Love casts out fear. For fear has torment/punishment. He who fears is

not made perfect in love.”2 Timothy 1:7

We use fear to compensate for our own insecurities and selfishness

Fear is evidence that we are unable to trust God…and allow our children to make mistakes.

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The first process adopted by Fenelon toward his young pupil was the influence of his own character.

He succeeded in persuading because he had succeeded in making himself loved.

*When your life lives louder than….Do you want to control your children or influence them? Mercy to 1000, Responsibility above

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An authoritative parent whose eye is ever upon their child, who is constantly scolding,

thinking they are fulfilling their educative role in pardoning nothing, will oppress their child, especially parents who place the weight of the

family concerns upon them; all of this only torments and discourages.

Fenelon

Fully loved

6 yr old dishes

Put bike away

Clean room

“Those who desire to be perfect parents 

really desire

 perfect children 

so that 

their own imageis exalted.”

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Never assume, without the greatest necessity, an austere posture, which always frightens children, and often arises from affectation and pedantry (dominating nitpicky legalism) in those who govern; for children are generally too timid and bashful. You close their hearts from you by it, and make them withdraw their confidence, without which no good fruit can spring forth, which is necessary to the success of their education. Make yourself beloved by them, and they will be open with you; and they will not fear to let you see their faults.

Otherwise they will mask and burrow deeper for self preservation and protection from shame.

Hope makes…Speeding Ticket

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Be not too severe with the behavior that is not disguised from you. Do not appear astonished

or irritated at their bad dispositions; on the contrary, be compassionate to their weaknesses; generally, approachable

confidence and genuineness are more useful to them, than to exercise a rigorous authority

over them.Let them see we are on their side—Teddy

Adversarial relationships fill reservoirs—focus on heart issues not words

Psalm 103, ElijahEnjoy – don’t project your perfectionism on to your children

. Eph 6:4 – provoke not - proximity, alongside, lit. from side of.

Colossians –Provoke not - to be passionate, enrage, to anger (from root word orgy - violent passions and perverted sexual relationships) Never good enough, lest they be discouraged!; Athumos—without spirit.

Sarah Edwards knew how to make her children regard and obey her cheerfully, without loud angry words, much less heavy blows. She seldom punished them, and in speaking to them, used gentle and pleasant words. If any correction was necessary, she did not administer it in passion; when she had occasion to reprove and rebuke she would do it in few words, without noise; she had need to speak but once; she was cheerfully obeyed because she convinced her children of the reasonableness of her request; murmuring and answer again were not known among them. The kind and gentle treatment they received from their mother, while she strictly and punctiliously maintained her parental authority, seemed naturally to…promote a filial respect and affection, and to lead them to a mild, tender treatment of each other. Quarrelling and contention, which too frequently take place among children, were in her family unknown.She carefully observed the first appearance of resentment and ill will in her young children…showed her displeasure and suppressed it to the uttermost; yet not by angry, wrathful words, which often provoke children to wrath…Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age and it was her rule to resist the first, as well as every subsequent exhibition of temper or disobedience in the child…wisely reflecting that until a child will obey his parents he can never be brought to obey God. Samuel Hopkins, in Marriage to a Difficult Man, the Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards.

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Show him always that you have command over yourself, always calm and considerate; nothing will make him see it better than your patience

and humility. Watch for a fit moment for several successive days, if necessary, that you may

properly time a correction. Do not tell the child his fault, without adding some means by which he may get the better of it, which will encourage

him to do so; for we should avoid the discouragement which arises from dry

correction; and we should never tell him many at a time.

Shoes, home late past curfew

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It is frequently necessary to tolerate things which ought to be corrected, until the moment shall have

arrived when the mind of a child will be in a state to profit by the correction. Never find fault with him in his first emotion, or in yours; if you do it in yours, he

will perceive that you are governed by mood and impatience, and not by reason and friendship: you will lose, without resources, your authority. If you

reprimand him in his first emotion, his mind will not be sufficiently free to acknowledge his fault, to

subdue his passion, and to weigh the importance of your advice. It is even exposing the child to lose the

respect he owes you.Razor mach 3 – stoning or sp?

On the other hand, authority will not fail to find its place, if confidence and persuasion are not sufficiently effectual; but you should be open, joyful, and familiar in conduct, free from meanness; which gives you the opportunity of seeing children act in their natural state, and of knowing their characters thoroughly. But let not too great familiarity breed contempt. On the other hand, if you should have reduced them by authority to observe all your rules, you would not have gained your end; every thing would become restrained formality, and perhaps hypocrisy. Instead of instilling a love for virtue and knowledge, you will on the contrary give them a general distaste and disgust for both and lose the love of which you should alone seek to inspire them. God keeps no record of evil…love never

Suffer then a child to play, mixing instruction with amusement: let wisdom appear to him at intervals, and always with a smiling face. Be careful not to fatigue him by an indiscreet exactness.

Never good enough, lest they be discouraged!; Athumos—without spirit.

Health and innocence are the true sources of enjoyment; but those who have had the misfortune to accustom themselves to violent pleasures, lose all taste for those of a more moderate nature, and fatigue themselves in a restless pursuit, seeking after excessive gratifications.

In this state of frivolity, if a child gives themselves up to idleness, which is the vacancy of the soul, exhausts himself into a state of weariness. These children often accustom themselves to sleep one-third more than is necessary for the preservation of health. This indulgence serves only weaken, to undermine their constitution, and expose them to bodily infirmities, whereas a moderate degree of sleep, accompanied with regular exercise, exhilarates and renders the human frame vigorous and robust; which makes the true perfection of the body, without mentioning the vast advantage which the mind draws from it.

… it is necessary to find out every means of making those things pleasing to the child which are expected of him; and

should you have any thing distressing or difficult to propose, forget not to comfort

him with the assurance that a little trouble will be followed by unspeakable

satisfaction.

Fenelon

If a child take up a dark and sullen view of virtue; if independence and vice

assume an attractive aspect, all is lost; your work is vain.

But above all things, do not let it appear to the child that you

demand from him unnecessary submissions;

Asprin/Cell Phone!/$20 bill

The End…The Beginning…

$20 BillRecently, the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to

demonstrate the power of His awesome grace to one of my sons.

This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, "Guess what, mom... I found a $20 bill in the pocket of one of my pairs

of shorts."

Immediately I discerned that what he was telling me probably wasn't the truth. But I congratulated him on finding the lost

money and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten birthday money. End of phone call.

When I hung up the phone with him I tried to remind myself

to check in a drawer at home to see if a $20 bill was still there. It is a drawer that the older boys know about... where my

husband and I stash extra cash for emergencies.

That night I forgot to check, but a few days later I remembered and saw that it was missing. My husband hadn't taken any money from it... and money had never been missing before. I knew I had to talk to my son.

What a flashback to my childhood!!

My son was from my blood, for sure. But he didn't have the desperate, driving need for money that I thought I

had as a child... or did he? I remembered the guilt and shame... and the loss of trust with my parents as I stole time and again and was caught and disciplined for it. I

remembered how it felt... how I knew I lost their trust so I didn't care after awhile... Oh, no. I don't want my dear

son feeling that way or taking that path!

I brought him into a quiet room away from his brothers and we sat

down together. I told him I wanted to tell him a story... and I proceeded to tell him about when I was a little girl and I had taken a

$10 bill from my mother's wallet. My mother found the money missing very shortly afterward and was distraught. It was the only

money we had for groceries that week! I felt so terrible... and I really wanted to return the money. But how? I decided to make up a story to cover my sin. I went outside to where the sprinkler was

watering the lawn and I pretended to find the money under the sprinkler. I went in the house, triumphant that I had "found" the (now wet) missing money, eager to hand it over to my distraught

mother and make things right again.Much to my dismay, I was met with an angry parent who vowed that I was lying... that I had stolen the money... and that I could

never be trusted. I sank deeper into my sin, believing that I might as well be what she claimed I was. It didn't matter anymore.

I knew that I wanted this encounter with my son to be very, very different. So I told him the story while holding

him in my arms and rubbing his back. Then I let him know that I was missing $20 and I asked if it was

possibly the $20 that he had found in his pocket. He immediately said, "No, mom... I did find that in my

pocket."

I was so pleased that God was in control!!! It was at this point that I got the awesome opportunity to heal a great wrong in my life... simply by treating my son (in his sin)

the way that I had only dreamed of being treated.

I said to him, "I BELIEVE you."

I hugged him and sent him on his way.

Later that night I mentioned to him that we needed to put the $20 up on his "chart." We keep a running account of the younger children's money on a chart on the refrigerator. Then we keep the cash for them so they don't lose it. They do this by choice,

and he had already given me the $20 bill the day he had called me to say he had found it in his pocket. They usually keep smaller amounts in their wallets, but the bigger amounts they give back

to us and write up on their "account."

I had joyfully written the $20 entry on his account. I felt such peace... such joy. Conviction of sin was up to the Holy Spirit

alone!! I had done the only job required of me... I had lavished "prodigal" grace on my son.

I call it prodigal grace because prodigal means "reckless, lavish, wasteful." The father in the parable of the "prodigal son" was actually the one who was reckless, lavish, and wasteful!! He

"wasted" the fatted calf on his wayward son; he "lavished" an undeserved gift of a robe and a ring. He recklessly ran down the

road to meet him. He poured out unconditional love. Yes -- that is what I lacked as a child. That is what I wanted my son, yet in his

unrepentant sin, to experience.

A few hours later I was preparing to read aloud a book to the boys. My heartbroken son came into the room and burst into tears at my

side. I hugged him. I asked him if he would like to tell me something.

"Yes...", he stammered, "I.... I did take that money out of your drawer, Mom."

What joy in my heart to see the Holy Spirit bring about the work of repentance totally unhindered by me!!!

I said this to him...”Oh, my dear son... I LOVE you. I am so proud of you for telling me the truth. That took SO much courage. I believed

you when you told me that you didn't take the money because I really trust you. I'm so glad I can trust you to tell me the truth. I know that

was a hard thing to do.

I do want you to know something. All that I have is yours. If you ever feel like you need money you just come and tell me. I don't ever want

you to feel like you have to steal.

And I want you to keep that money... I don't want it back. I'm just so glad you let the Holy Spirit work in your heart."

Yes... I wanted him to keep the money. And no one else in our household knows what happened. I covered over his sin for a very good purpose --- so that he will never forget what that kind of love

feels like.I don't believe I'll ever deal with this issue with him again. And for that

very reason... it was worth it to be a prodigal mom.

God's love is so radical toward us... so incredibly

unbelievable!! We were ungodly, we were sinners, we were enemies.

One will hardly die for a righteousman; though perhaps for the goodman someone would dare even to

die. But God demonstrates His ownlove toward us, in that while we were

yet sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:7-8)

Won't you show a little of that "amazing grace" to your undeserving child today.

Take good care never to threaten them with any thing to study, nor to subject them to various rules.

We should make as few rules as possible, unless they cannot be avoided, endeavoring to bring it about

quietly, without forceful necessity; we should always show some sufficient reasoning for doing the task at this time, and in this place, rather than in another.

We run the risk of discouraging children, if we never praise them when they do well. Though praises are to

be feared on account of vanity, still we must endeavor to make use of them to encourage children,

without flattering them. Well timed praise may be profitably used as a stimulus to industry, but not as

an incitement to intoxicating self-esteem.

Let us here remark a great defect in the common modes of education. We put all the pleasure on one side, and all the weariness on the other. The weariness on that study and responsibility, the pleasure on that of diversion. What can a child do, but impatiently support the drudgery of learning and working, and run ardently after play?

Let us then endeavor to change this order; let us render study pleasing; let us conceal the trouble under the appearance of liberty and delight. Let us suffer the children to interrupt their study by little sallies of diversion; these distractions are necessary, and ought therefore to be allowed, purposely to refresh their minds, that are so easily fatigued even by a short application.

Suffer them to walk about a little; permit them even now and then, some digression, or some play, that will unbend their minds; then bring them back gently to the task. Too much regularity in exacting from then an uninterrupted application to study, hurts them too much; those who govern often affect this regularity in exacting from them, because it is more convenient to themselves, than subjecting themselves continually to the proper moments of instruction.

Welcome the admonitions of some charitable friend, to point out those defects, which you

yourself cannot see. Generally, those who govern children pardon nothing in them, though they

pardon every thing in themselves. This excites in the children a spirit of criticism and malignity;

consequently when they discover any fault in their governors/parents they are delighted, and feel only

contempt for them; this posture of self-righteousness actually creates a vindictive spirit in the child who will glory in such a discovery which

furnishes an opportunity for recrimination.

Of all things, avoid this inconvenience; fear not to speak of those defects which are not visible in

yourself. Be not afraid to acknowledge your evident failings, nor those which inadvertence may have

brought to light. If you see him capable of understanding reason on this point, tell him that you

will give an example how to correct his faults, by correcting your own. Thus, you will draw from your

very imperfections means of instruction and edification; you will both edify the child and

encourage him to reflect upon his own faults and correct himself. Moreover, you will avoid that

contempt and dislike which your defects might otherwise cause him to feel for your person.

You should always give to children a solid and agreeable end, that may captivate their young heart, and sweeten their exertions; We should always encourage them in their work, and never pretend to subject them by a dry and absolute authority.

"If a child learns a trade, or his highly educated for a lucrative profession, all is nothing compared to the art of detachment from riches; if you want to make your child rich, teach him

this. he is truly rich who does not desire great possessions, or surrounds himself with wealth, but who requires nothing…Don't worry about giving him an influential reputation, for

worldly wisdom, but ponder deeply how you can teach him to think lightly of this life's passing glories, thus he will become

truly renowned and glorious…Don't strive to make him a clever orator, but teach him to love true wisdom. He will

suffer if he lacks clever words, but if he lacks wisdom, all the rhetoric in the world can't help him. A pattern of life is what is needed, not empty speeches; character, not cleverness; deeds, not words. These things will secure the kingdom of God and

bestow God's blessings.”[1]

Fund Development Counsel

Recommended Readings:Inspired to adopt a similar moral code by emulating the characters

that have now been etched into their awakened conscience. Values realigned with Worth

(strength, beauty, excellence, purity)

Rare Collector Series:Little ThreadsTeddy’s ButtonThe Missing PrinceLittle LambThe Basket of FlowersResolute Helen’s Temper Trust y: Tried and True

Other Resources:The Education of a Child (book/audio)Duties of ParentsAge of Opportunity: A Biblical GuideFamilies Where Grace is in Place The Mansion

The ancients understood the treatment of children much better, particularly the method of communicating instruction. It

was by the pleasures of poetry and music, that the principle sciences, the maxims of virtue, politeness and good manners were introduced among the

Hebrews, Egyptians, and Greeks.

I must, however, repeat that it is necessary to guard against making it a law for them to

hear, or be obliged to remember these stories, much less to make them regular lessons.

Pleasure of itself must do the business; for true education emerges from the bowels of

pleasure and a love for learning. Do not press them; you will obtain your end even with the slowest capacities; avoid over charging their

memory, and their curiosity will increase with age.