effective communication skills when your telepathic ... · barbra streisand in . funny girl, 1968...
TRANSCRIPT
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Effective Communication Skills When Your Telepathic Superpower is Broken!
Southern Proposal Accents Conference
Robin Davis, AF.APMP Robin Davis Consulting
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 2
To provide you with communication strategies that will improve your interpersonal effectiveness.
Session Goal
Reference:
Messages: The Communication Skills Book Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Martha Davis, Ph.D., and Patrick Fanning
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 3
1. Listening 2. Self-Disclosure 3. Partnering 4. Influencing 5. Acting strategically
Communication strategies
Barbra Streisand in Funny Girl, 1968 Photo credit: Columbia/Courtesy Neal Peters Collection
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 5
• A commitment and a compliment • Based on the intention to:
• Understand someone • Enjoy someone • Learn something • Give help or solace
• Essential for making and keeping relationships
Listening is…..
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 6
Blocks to listening Block Definition
Comparing Assessing how you measure up
Mind reading Trying to figure out what the speaker is really thinking or feeling
Judging Tuning out if somebody says something you think is wrong or stupid
Advising Start giving advice without really hearing the person’s feelings
Sparring Focused on finding things to disagree with or debate about
Being right Can’t listen to criticism, can’t be corrected, can’t take suggestions
Placating You want to be nice – you want people to like you so you agree with everything
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 7
Taking action
Active Listening • Paraphrasing • Clarifying • Giving feedback
Listening with Empathy • What is the need • What danger are they experiencing • What are they asking for
Listening with Openness • Hear the whole statement first • Don’t take it personally • Find the truth • Investigate their point of view
Listening with Awareness • Fact check with what you know • Observe congruence
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1. Maintain good eye contact 2. Lean slightly forward 3. Actively move away from
distractions 4. Be committed to
understanding what is said, even if your are angry or upset
Quick tips to being a total listener
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 10
• Self-disclosure is communicating information about yourself to another person
• You tell people about yourself by what you say and do and what you don’t say and do
• Must be appropriate and effective
“Bring yourself to work”
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• Increased self-knowledge • Improved communication • More energy
Rewards of self-disclosure
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Define the relationship • Find common ground - get involved on a social level • Determine how you are going to work together • Establish clear expectations around roles
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 17
Communicate your value • Document and share what you do
• Process flows, SOPs, methodology • Roles and responsibilities
• Exploit your affiliation with APMP • Don’t do it because I said so, do it because the “worldwide
authority for professionals dedicated to the process of winning business” said so
• Find a mentor or two – get involved • Accreditation – proof that you’re a professional
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Be a thought partner • You are the proposal SME – share your
stories • Problem solve • You know a little bit about everything • You have built relationships across the
company
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Be prepared • Take initiative – be proactive
• Knowledgebase, templates, guidelines • Lessons learned have been applied • Know the last pick-up time of all the local Fedex
offices
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Deliver on your promises • Be honest • Be inclusive • Be on-time • Be consistent
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Strategies that don’t work • Blaming, criticizing, or complaining • Threats • Belittling • Pouting or withdrawing
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Strategies that DO work • Positive reinforcement
• Praise • Trading • Building in rewards • Verbal and nonverbal appreciation
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Strategies that DO work (continued)
• Negative consequences
• Stop the rewards • Identify natural
consequences • Design self-care strategies
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Develop a plan 1. Make a direct request 2. Give praise 3. Describe a trade 4. Build in rewards 5. Give verbal and non-verbal
appreciation 6. Identify consequences
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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 27
Know the goals • Relate what you do to the big picture
• Company’s short- and long-term goals • Annual sales goal • Expectations of the proposal department • How you are personally measured
Company
Sales Proposal Personal
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Report out and up • Progress to the goals • Market intelligence
• Where/who proposals are coming from • What is being asked for that you don’t do today • What trends are emerging in RFP questions • Who do you keep losing to and why
• Leverage technology
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 29
Know the market landscape • SWOT analysis • Competitive analysis
The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting in above average effort.
Colin Powell
Competition is not only the basis of protection for the consumer, but is the incentive to progress.
Herbert Hoover
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1. Listening 2. Self-Disclosure 3. Partnering 4. Influencing 5. Thinking and acting strategically
We covered…..
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• Expressing • Body language • Paralanguage • Metamessages • Hidden agendas • Clarifying language • Assertiveness • Fair fighting • Validation strategies • Negotiation • Conflict management
We didn’t cover….
IT’S IN THE BOOK!
Messages: The Communication Skills Book Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Martha Davis, Ph.D., and Patrick Fanning
SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters
Thanks for having me!
Robin Davis, AF.APMP Robin Davis Consulting
615.712.6298 [email protected]