Effects of Maltreatment on Child

DevelopmentGary Benton

gwbenton@aol.com253-370-9658

Core Concepts of DevelopmentAnd 40 Developmental Assets

• Refer to handouts

Developmental stages of the brain• Conception to 15 months – reptilian brain• 15 months to 41/2 years – limbic system/relationships• 41/2 to 7 years – Gestalt hemisphere elaboration• 7 – 9 years – Logic hemisphere elaboration• 8 years – Frontal lobe elaboration• 9 – 12 years – Increase corpus callosum elaboration and myelination• 12 – 16 years – Hormonal emphasis• 16 – 26 years – Refining cognitive skills• 26 years and beyond – Elaboration and refinement of frontal lobes• From Smart Moves by Carla Hannaford

Some Common Types of Maltreatment• Witnessing or a victim of domestic violence• Witnessing or a victim of child abuse, physical or sexual• Physical neglect• Physical abandonment• Emotional abandonment• Loss of stability (deaths, divorce, multiple moves, etc)• Others?

What kinds of maltreatment have the children with whom you work had?

Child Development Flow Chart

5 – 1011 - 25

80Ego-centric

Peer-centric

Birth to Five• Children can be damaged in the womb by violence to the mother• Mother’s excessive fear and adrenaline can affect the developing

fetus• Mother’s lack of sleep or anxiety can affect the developing fetus• Listening to anger, yelling and loud noises can affect the developing

fetus

Birth to Five• Once born, a child in a family with abuse learns about anger, yelling,

name calling, a variety of forms of abuse, all without any perspective to help explain it

• Because a young child is ego-centric, the child is likely to blame him or her self for the abuse or maltreatment and take responsibility for it

Five to about Ten• Between five and ten a child is a concrete thinker, usually thinking in

“absolutes” so things are good or bad but not much in between• Children can now imagine another’s viewpoint but are still largely

ego-centric• Rules become more firmly established and harder to change

Adolescence• Teens have a series of changes that take place• Dopamine drops• Melatonin kicks in about 90 minutes later resulting in having a harder

time falling asleep• Hormones increase resulting in less ability to focus and more interest

in the opposite sex• The need for autonomy increases• It is harder for a young teen to manage his or her emotional life

DopaminePositive Experience

Anticipated Positive Experience

Negative Experience

The unconscious mind is only interested in about the next 10 minutes

Puberty suggestions• To help with the dopamine drop:

• Increase physical activity• Increase the proteins in the diet• Increase the amino acids in the diet• Encourage healthy peer groups• Encourage involvement in activities that require bi-lateral movement for 45

minutes or more• Encourage more sleep/rest

Effects?• Which has the bigger or longer lasting effect on a child:

• Neglect?• Physical abuse?

• Consider if the abuse or neglect occurs• Birth to five• Five to eleven• Eleven and older

Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development• Stage 1: ages 0 to about 2; if it feels good, it is good• Stage 2: ages 2 to about 5; if it pleases me it is good• Stage 3: ages 5 to about 8; if it pleases others it is good• Stage 4: ages 8 to about 13; if it fits the rules it is good• Stage 5: adolescence; if it is what everyone else thinks is good, it is

good• Stage 6: adulthood: it must fit my values

Stage one• The child in this stage is ego centric and therefore believes he or she

is causing the events in their world• The child does not have reversibility, unable to have a perspective

other than his or her own• The child is learning that maltreatment is an expected part of life• Mom or dad may be seen as simply good or bad and bonding and

attachment may be affected

Stage two• Children in this stage may side against the victim and with the abuser

because there are more good feelings to be had from the abuser• The child is a concrete, black and white kind of thinker without

perspective and therefore is likely to believe the accusations of the abuser about the victim

Stage Three• Children will begin to lie in this stage and may do so to protect the

abuser and the victim• Children will begin to get confused because they can now imagine

another’s viewpoint• Children will often hide or disappear when the violence begins

because the victim has asked them to• This is the most common stage for the onset of sexual abuse

Stage Four• In this stage children can become very confused and guilt ridden

because of abuse – they know the rules say that we don’t hurt people but there is suffering in their homes

• Some children will report the abuse and then feel guilty• Some children will not report the abuse and then feel guilty

Stage Five• In the teen years, children in homes with maltreatment often find

ways to be away from home more• Some children become over achievers in school• Some children become overly active socially• Some run away or find ways to connect with friends to stay away from

home• Some begin to act out violence in their lives that they have learned

Stage Six• In this stage young and older adults may find they are repeating the

patterns of their families almost without thinking• Adults may believe that abuse is wrong but cannot think of a different

way to handle anger than what they first learned• Hopelessness can become a dominate thinking pattern

Erik Eriksen, 8 Stages of Man• Trust versus mistrust (birth to about 2)• Autonomy versus shame and doubt (2 to 4)• Initiative versus guilt (4 to 5)• Industry versus inferiority (5 to about 12)• Identity versus role confusion (12 to about 19)• Intimacy versus isolation (20 to 39)• Generativity versus stagnation (25 to 65)• Ego integrity versus despair (65 +)

Notes

Domestic Violence• Abuse: anything done to hurt, dominate or control another• Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to control, hurt or

dominate another• One woman in four will be abused by an adult partner this year

Types of Domestic Violence• Physical abuse ranging from tickling to murder• Emotional abuse ranging from private putdowns to suicide• Sexual abuse ranging from inappropriate comments to rape, bondage

and sex slavery• Abuse usually gets progressively more frequent and more violent

Continuums of Violence• Physical

• Emotional

• Sexual

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs• Self Actualization

• Self Esteem• Love and Belonging

• Physical and Emotional Safety• Food, clothing and Shelter

These needs are met in order from the bottom to the top and people will sacrifice a need above in order to meet a need below

Food, Clothing, Shelter• Domestic violence is the number one reason that mothers and

children are homeless• Abuse often results in chaotic family life, including inconsistent

meals, little or no food in the cupboard, impulsive buying to make the abuser happy resulting in few purchases for the children

Safety• Children in homes with abuse often feel unsafe and worry about their

families• Children in abusive homes are far more likely to be physically abused• The emotional pressure in a home with abuse is relentless• Children learn that home and family are not safe places for them

Love and Belonging• In abusive families, love is a confusing and dangerous word• Children learn to avoid the violent parent and may feel helpless

around the victimized parent resulting in inconsistent bonding and attachment

• Children may feel different from their peers and avoid socializing with them

Self Esteem• Abuse damages self esteem because the child is powerless to help• Name calling and other forms of emotional abuse are usually frequent

in a home with maltreatment• Children often feel hopeless and helpless instead of hopeful and

confident in facing the future

Self Actualization• In abusive families, some children will over achieve academically in

order to prove they are capable which may limit their ability to succeed in a broad sense

• In other families children will be too distracted to perform well and never are able to fully achieve their potential intellectually or emotionally

Your child• Looking at the hierarchy of needs, what challenges has your child

experienced?

Basic Psychological NeedsWilliam Glasser• 1) Belonging

• The need to be a part of a group or family

• 2) Power• The need to have influence on the group or family

• 3) Freedom• The need to have choices and to take risks

• 4) Fun• The need to laugh, “give it up”, be irresponsible

Notes

A Very Simple Brain

nose

cortex

limbic system

amygdala

brain stem

100 BILLION brain cells; 100 TRILLION synapses

Bird’s Eye View • A very simple model of the brain

Left brain

“how”

Right brain

“why”Corpus Collosum

language

Helping with trauma• With young children we want them to be able to manipulate symbols

of their trauma in order to feel some control• With older children we want them to use words, art, music, symbolic

movement and writing to feel some control• With adults, journaling and working with the hands while thinking

about the trauma seems to offer help• With all people, having someone genuinely supportive with them on

the journey really helps – including therapy groups and family and friends

Helping with Trauma• For young children, having a symbol of their fears can help• For older children and teens, using a journal to write out their fear

producing experiences can help• Getting enough sleep (10 hours for young children; at least 8 for

teens) helps• Having healthy replacement experiences can help• Knowing that YOU have had trauma and gotten through it can help

Notes

Locus of Control• We can be either Internally or Externally controlled• An internally controlled person says: “I make me think, feel or act”• An externally controlled person says: “You or life or circumstances

make me think, feel or act.”• Abusive people are externally controlled

Modeling Internal Control• Write down the kinds of things that children do that “make” you mad

• If you didn’t feel mad, what would you feel?

Building Self Esteem• Successful completion of responsibilities builds self esteem• Praising effort, not “smarts”, helps build self esteem• Autonomy, mastery and purpose are primary motivators;

appropriately encouraging these improves self esteem

Motivation• If you were given $100 million, what dreams would you fulfill?

• Autonomy, mastery, purpose

Conflict Resolution• Not all conflict can be resolved• At the end of the conflict, the most important outcome will be having

good feelings for each other• Power struggles are difficult to win, avoid them• You have time on your side, take it• Giving in a little may be valuable

Triune Brain

Thinking

Emotional

Survival

Limbic system stimulation

Cortical activity

Triune Brain• The brain is much more complicated than this model• We have 100 billion brain cells and 100 trillion synapses• From a learning and problem solving perspective, this is a useful

model• Each part of the brain is interested in different things and all need to

be involved for learning to be successful

Survival Brain• Sometimes called the archaic brain or reptilian brain• This brain likes predictability, structure, rules, routines, rituals• This brain needs food, activity and sleep• This brain needs visual boundaries• This brain functions when all other parts fail• This brain is where we find “regression”

Emotional Brain• This is often referred to as the limbic system or “old” brain• This brain is interested in feelings• This brain is interested in relationships• This brain holds our memories in all five senses• This brain is most impacted by emotional trauma• This brain motivates thinking brain activity

Thinking Brain• This is often called the cortex or neo cortex or gray matter• This brain is very different from all other mammal brains• This brain likes problem solving• This brain likes novelty and stimulation• This brain holds our “executive functioning” and the ability to plan

and use language• This brain shuts down first under stress• This brain is where learning and change takes place

Problem Solving• With girls, address the feelings before offering solutions• With boys, ask for solutions before offering solutions• A child who witnesses domestic violence will assume that violence is

one possible solution to a problem; perhaps the ONLY solution to a problem

• Be careful about being baited into doing something out of anger

Memory Building• Memories are built in two pieces: a factual piece and a feeling piece• What makes a memory endure, are the feelings attached to it• How children remember will vary with their age: younger children

tend to remember concretely and in pictures; older children tend to remember abstractly and with words

• Memories are generally more inaccurate than we believe

Memories• What feelings do you want your children to feel about you?

Notes

Characteristics of the Resilient ChildRisk and Protective Factors

• Refer to handouts

Interventions• With all people, including children, acting out is sometimes the only

way they can communicate their pain or fear• To help a child manage his/her behavior remember that one

intervention is unlikely to change it and you will need to be committed to repeating the lessons

• With very young children, ages birth to about 4, be very direct, keep your instructions simple, use few explanations and DON’T expect the child to understand your viewpoint or the view point of others

• Time In is very useful, as is briefly losing a privilege or loved object or doing a brief and simple job

Interventions• For a child between about 5 and 10, do more explaining about why

you are upset or why a behavior is wrong• Active consequences such as a job or a physical activity (you have to

do 5 push ups, etc) seem to be better• This is the time to implement feeling questions for girls and solution

questions for boys• Children cannot be in charge of the consequences for their behavior –

that is the role of the adult in their lives

Interventions• For “tweens” and teens, effective interventions will be based on your

relationship with the child – the stronger your relationship, the greater impact your opinions and ideas will be

• Be sure the teen can tell you why you are upset and can tell you a better way to handle things next time – be patient

Self Care• Anything you do on purpose to improve your life• Parenting is hard, you have to have energy to be effective• Self care has never been more important than it is today• Good health is critical to good parenting• Parenting is an endurance race

Physical• You gotta move• You gotta rest• You gotta eat• Move 100 minutes a week• Get 8 hours of sleep• Eat proteins, reduce sugars and carbohydrates• Drink plenty of water

Psychological

• Read self-help books and APPLY what you read• Talk to friends• Talk to a counselor• Keep a journal (3 positive things that happened today and why)• Laugh• Hang around positive people

Social• Join a club• Join a professional organization• Hang out with your family on purpose• Shop• Never miss a party• Volunteer• Pursue your values in an organized way

Spiritual• Get out in nature • Pursue your faith• Travel• Pray• Meditate• Read inspiring books• Keep a garden

Intellectual• Games• Puzzles• Take a class• Travel somewhere foreign• Research something you are interested in• Read things that have to be understood through the author’s eyes• TEACH!!!

Suggested readings:

• Boys and Girls Learn Differently, Michael Gurian• The Five Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman• Parenting with Love and Logic, Jim Fay and Foster Cline• Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs• Spark by John Ratey• Switch (making change when change is hard) by Dan and Chip Heath• Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary• Driven to Distraction by Edward Hollowell and John Ratey• Authentic Happiness and Flourish by Martin Seligman