enjoy working with people by controlling the only thing you can
TRANSCRIPT
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Enjoy working with peopleby controlling the only thing you can
Erik Gruber / Kelsey Lundberg
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01Complaints
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Seeing complaints as commitments gives us a choice.
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02New people
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Want people to like something? Just say it’s old.
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3 friends 4 friends 1 stranger
Q: Which is the better team?
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New people make us better at our jobs. (Even though we don’t like it.)
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Embrace the awkwardness.
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Take responsibility. You control your role.
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03Apologies
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It feels really BAD when we make mistakes.
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I’m sorry=
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The right apologies restore us. The wrong apologies drain us.
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04Criticism
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You stink.
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I don’t stink. You stink.
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Prospective Hindsight
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Be Calm. Be Confident. Be Fearless.
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“ Our capacity to screw up is not some kind of embarrassing defect in the human system, something we can eradicate or overcome.
It's totally fundamental to who we are.
- Kathryn Schulzauthor of Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error
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05Losing battles
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Icon made by Freepik from www.flaticon.com
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Fighting every battle will destroy you.
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clout
reputation
energy
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Think about the battles you choose to fight, and what you're willing to fight for.
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06
Difficult conversations
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Flow
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challenge = skill
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challenge
skill
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challenge
skill
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skill = challenge
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• Change your mindset • Plan, but don’t script • Be compassionate • Acknowledge the other person’s perspective • Listen • Reflect and learn
How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work
- Harvard Business Review
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1.Observation
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2.Have the conversation
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Difficult conversation is a skill to build not a problem to avoid.
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I choose
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“Happiness is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.
- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow
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People have a right to be how they are.
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“ The only thing that is capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re going to try to see it.
- David Foster Wallace
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Thank you!• MinneWebCon • Scott Kubie • Michael Vedders • Tim Hammer • Eric Jameson • Suzanne Worthley
kelseylundberg.com / erik-gruber.com
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Research
Complaining • How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work - book by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey
New People • "Longer is Better" - research study by Scott Eidelman, Jennifer Pattershall, Christian S. Crandall • "The Pain is Worth the Gain: The Advantages and Liabilities of Agreeing with Socially Distinct
Newcomers" - research study by Katie Liljenquist , Katherine Williams Phillips, Margaret Neale
Criticism • How to Stay Calm When You Know You'll Be Stressed - TED Talk by Daniel Levitin • On Being Wrong - TED Talk by Kathryn Schulz
Apologies • What Does Guilt Do? - article, Psychology Today • Shame: A Concealed, Contagious, and Dangerous Emotion - article, Psychology Today • Listening to Shame - TED Talk by Brené Brown
Difficult Conversations • Flow - book by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi • How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work - article, Harvard Business Review • The Surprising Science of Happiness - TED Talk by Dan Gilbert
Opening and Closing Thoughts • This is Water - speech and book by David Foster Wallace