Existential Courage:Existential Courage:Working with conflict and crisisWorking with conflict and crisis

Prof Emmy van DeurzenProf Emmy van Deurzen

University of SheffieldUniversity of Sheffield

1 July 20111 July 2011

Emmy van DeurzenEmmy van Deurzen

PastPast Born and raised in Netherlands (the Hague)Born and raised in Netherlands (the Hague) Philosophy masters, MontpellierPhilosophy masters, Montpellier Clinical psychology masters, BordeauxClinical psychology masters, Bordeaux PhD, City University, London. PhD, City University, London. Work in psychiatry for seven yearsWork in psychiatry for seven years London 1977: Arbours and PALondon 1977: Arbours and PA 1978 onwards: Antioch University (Esalen training)1978 onwards: Antioch University (Esalen training) 1982: created first masters in existential therapy1982: created first masters in existential therapy 1985: Regent’s College1985: Regent’s College 1987: first book ; founded Society for Existential Analysis1987: first book ; founded Society for Existential Analysis 1988: merged course with RC: prof and dean SPC1988: merged course with RC: prof and dean SPC 1993-95 11993-95 1stst chair UKCP chair UKCP 1996: New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling, prof Schiller and 1996: New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling, prof Schiller and

Sheffield Uni; now MU. Sheffield Uni; now MU.

Author of Books on Existential Author of Books on Existential Psychotherapy and CounsellingPsychotherapy and Counselling

Existential SupervisionExistential Supervision

Edited by Emmy van Deurzen Edited by Emmy van Deurzen and Sarah Youngand Sarah Young

RECENT BOOK: RECENT BOOK: 20092009

2010:2010:1. Second Edition Everyday Mysteries1. Second Edition Everyday Mysteries2. Skills in Existential Counselling and 2. Skills in Existential Counselling and

PsychotherapyPsychotherapy

Existential TherapyExistential Therapy

The existential approach to counselling The existential approach to counselling and psychotherapy is a philosophical and psychotherapy is a philosophical method for understanding human method for understanding human difficultiesdifficulties

Based on phenomenology and Based on phenomenology and existential thoughtexistential thought

Socrates said: the unexamined life is Socrates said: the unexamined life is not worth living.not worth living.

HUMAN CONDITIONHUMAN CONDITION

Existential therapy focuses on Existential therapy focuses on the way in which a person the way in which a person struggles with the human struggles with the human condition and in particular condition and in particular with our inevitable limitations with our inevitable limitations and the limits of life.and the limits of life.

Existential therapy is good in Existential therapy is good in crisis or during periods of life crisis or during periods of life

changechangeIn the whirlwind of change we need In the whirlwind of change we need to find steadiness, persistence and to find steadiness, persistence and

resilienceresilience

Change, conflict and crisisChange, conflict and crisis will happen will happen

Everything (every object and every process) is Everything (every object and every process) is made of opposing forces/opposing sides.made of opposing forces/opposing sides.

Gradual changes lead to turning points, where Gradual changes lead to turning points, where one opposite overcomes the other.one opposite overcomes the other.

Change moves in spirals, Change moves in spirals, not circles.not circles.

Anton ChekhovAnton Chekhov

Any idiot can face a crisis –Any idiot can face a crisis –

it’s day to day living it’s day to day living

that wears you outthat wears you out

Aim of existential therapy.Aim of existential therapy.

Enable people to tell the truth about their lives Enable people to tell the truth about their lives and themselves. and themselves.

Help them live passionately and to the full.Help them live passionately and to the full. Facilitate their greater understanding of the Facilitate their greater understanding of the

human condition.human condition. Recognize strengths and weaknesses and make Recognize strengths and weaknesses and make

the most of both. the most of both. Live with courage and confidence, taking Live with courage and confidence, taking

charge of life. charge of life.

Is this about finding enduring Is this about finding enduring happiness ?happiness ?

Happiness and unhappiness are twins that Happiness and unhappiness are twins that grow up together. (Nietzsche, 1882: 270)grow up together. (Nietzsche, 1882: 270)

We need to get to know both sides of life. We need to get to know both sides of life.

Onto-dynamicsOnto-dynamics

Learning to live in line with the laws of life. Learning to live in line with the laws of life. Paradox, conflict, difficulty and dilemmas are our Paradox, conflict, difficulty and dilemmas are our

daily companions. daily companions. With a crisis thrown in here and there.With a crisis thrown in here and there. The way you respond depends a lot on the The way you respond depends a lot on the

worldview and strength you build up for yourself worldview and strength you build up for yourself Your courage and flexibility will increase with Your courage and flexibility will increase with

practice as you gain greater perspective and depthpractice as you gain greater perspective and depth

Balancing pros and cons after Balancing pros and cons after structural analysisstructural analysis

Both positives and negativesBoth positives and negatives

What is paradox?What is paradox?Only to the extent that Only to the extent that we accept polarities, we accept polarities, conflicts and conflicts and contradictions do we contradictions do we learn to live with truth learn to live with truth

Onto-dynamics rather Onto-dynamics rather than psycho-dynamics:than psycho-dynamics:

Life is tension Life is tension between oppositesbetween opposites

Making sense of lifeMaking sense of life

Energy is the flow between two Energy is the flow between two polespoles

Source: kidzoneweather.com Source: kidzoneweather.com

DialecticsDialectics

Thesis, antithesis, synthesis.Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Human evolution proceeds with Human evolution proceeds with

constant conflict and forward constant conflict and forward movement in overcoming a previous movement in overcoming a previous state. state.

Paradoxes and dilemmasParadoxes and dilemmas can be integrated can be integrated and gone beyond. and gone beyond.

Transcendence

Thesis Antithesis

Synthesis

DialecticsDialectics

future

Thesis: my view(past )

Antithesis: your view(present)

Dialectics: Dialectics: transcendence in spacetranscendence in space

Synthesis:a wider view

Life as hero’s journeyLife as hero’s journey

The challenge: travelling far, braving danger The challenge: travelling far, braving danger in order to save the world. in order to save the world.

Have an adventure, then return to safety: home Have an adventure, then return to safety: home coming, using our compass.coming, using our compass.

Paradoxes of human existenceParadoxes of human existence

  DESIRES FEARS VALUES

PHYSICAL life death vitality

SOCIAL love hate reciprocity

PERSONAL identity freedom integrity

SPIRITUAL good evil transparency

Human values rediscovered.Human values rediscovered.

ExerciseExerciseMake a list of eight different qualities, Make a list of eight different qualities, characteristics or talents you think you characteristics or talents you think you have.have.

For example:• parent• gardener• bi-For example:• parent• gardener• bi-lingual • son/daughter • psychologist • lingual • son/daughter • psychologist • studentstudent

Umwelt Mitwelt Eigenwelt Uberwelt

Physicalsurvival

Nature Things Body Cosmos

Socialaffiliation

Public Others Ego Culture

Personalidentity

Private Me Self Consciousness

Spiritualmeaning

Sacred God Soul Transcendence

Different dimensions of the four Different dimensions of the four spheres of existencespheres of existence

evd 10evd 10

You might try to play it safe and You might try to play it safe and avoid catastrophesavoid catastrophes

But you still need the But you still need the courage to brave ordinary courage to brave ordinary everyday challenges and everyday challenges and

the odd crisisthe odd crisis

PERHAPS YOU THINK YOU PERHAPS YOU THINK YOU WILL BE SPARED CRISES AND WILL BE SPARED CRISES AND CONFLICTS?CONFLICTS?

Are you ready for the challenges of your new career?Are you ready for the challenges of your new career?

Transitions and Crisis. Transitions and Crisis.

Transitions, change and transformation are a part of Transitions, change and transformation are a part of normal human evolution and are inevitable. normal human evolution and are inevitable.

Sooner or later comes a crisis in our affairs, and how Sooner or later comes a crisis in our affairs, and how we meet it determines our future happiness and we meet it determines our future happiness and success. Since the beginning of time, every form of success. Since the beginning of time, every form of life has been called upon to meet such crisis. life has been called upon to meet such crisis. Robert Collier.Robert Collier.

Some crises are so profound they are experienced as Some crises are so profound they are experienced as catastrophe and lead to trauma. catastrophe and lead to trauma.

Be prepared for difficulty and at the same time aim Be prepared for difficulty and at the same time aim for harmony.for harmony.

Socrates: the unreflected life is not worth living. Socrates: the unreflected life is not worth living. The good life is passionately lived.The good life is passionately lived.

What does it mean to live well?What does it mean to live well?

Camus: SisyphusCamus: Sisyphus

There is but one truly serious philosophical There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is … whether life is or is not problem and that is … whether life is or is not worth living. worth living.

(Camus: The Myth of Sisyphus)(Camus: The Myth of Sisyphus) Is rolling the stone up the hill sufficient to fill Is rolling the stone up the hill sufficient to fill

a human heart?a human heart?

Being yourselfBeing yourself

The greatest hazard of all, losing oneself, can The greatest hazard of all, losing oneself, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly. Any other loss- an arm, a leg, five quietly. Any other loss- an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. is sure to be noticed.dollars, a wife, etc. is sure to be noticed.

(Kierkegaard: Sickness unto Death:32)(Kierkegaard: Sickness unto Death:32)

Buber’s encounterBuber’s encounterbeing with othersbeing with others

The interhuman: das The interhuman: das Zwischenmenschlichen; the in-Zwischenmenschlichen; the in-between is where real between is where real communication takes place. communication takes place.

(Buber, Between Man and Man, (Buber, Between Man and Man, 1929). 1929).

All actual life is encounter (ibid: 62)All actual life is encounter (ibid: 62) This is where truth is found. This is where truth is found.

IsolationIsolation

There is no such thing as a separate human There is no such thing as a separate human being, in the same way in which as Winnicott being, in the same way in which as Winnicott suggested there is no such thing as a baby. suggested there is no such thing as a baby.

We are only what we are in as much as we are We are only what we are in as much as we are connected to a world. connected to a world.

All living is relatingAll living is relating

Physical: relationships to nature, world of Physical: relationships to nature, world of things and bodies around usthings and bodies around us

Social: relationships to other peopleSocial: relationships to other people Personal: relationship to ourselves, our Personal: relationship to ourselves, our

thoughts, dreams, memories and fantasiesthoughts, dreams, memories and fantasies Spiritual: relationships to ideas, beliefs, Spiritual: relationships to ideas, beliefs,

transcendence and eternitytranscendence and eternity

UmweltUmwelt MitweltMitwelt EigenweltEigenwelt UberweltUberwelt

PhysicalPhysicalsurvivalsurvival

NatureNature ThingsThings BodyBody CosmosCosmos

SocialSocialaffiliationaffiliation

PublicPublic OthersOthers EgoEgo CultureCulture

PersonalPersonalidentityidentity

PrivatePrivate MeMe SelfSelf ConsciousnessConsciousness

SpiritualSpiritualmeaningmeaning

Sacred Sacred GodGod SoulSoul TranscendenceTranscendence

Different dimensions of the four Different dimensions of the four spheres of existencespheres of existence

Kierkegaard’s stages.Kierkegaard’s stages.

VegetativeVegetative AnimalAnimal AestheticAesthetic EthicalEthical ThinkingThinking DoubtDoubt Leap of FaithLeap of Faith SpiritualSpiritual

Kierkegaard’s definitionKierkegaard’s definition

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.

‘‘Whoever has learnt to be anxious in Whoever has learnt to be anxious in the right way has learnt the the right way has learnt the ultimate.’ultimate.’

(Kierkegaard 1844:155)(Kierkegaard 1844:155)

What is anxiety?What is anxiety?

The energy of lifeThe energy of life

And energy can be used or can And energy can be used or can overwhelm youoverwhelm you

To live is to be anxiousTo live is to be anxious

Until we dieUntil we die Because we dieBecause we die Because we were bornBecause we were born Because there is nothing else we can doBecause there is nothing else we can do It is life rather than death anxiety that paralyses It is life rather than death anxiety that paralyses We have to learn to stand up and be counted; to ek-We have to learn to stand up and be counted; to ek-

sist in past, present and futuresist in past, present and future

Seasons and cycles of lifeSeasons and cycles of life

We are born:We are born: live and dielive and die

Between birth and deathBetween birth and death

We are helpless at birthWe are helpless at birth

Wellcome exhibition: life before death, Walter Schells Wellcome exhibition: life before death, Walter Schells Memento MoriMemento Mori

To live and to dieTo live and to die

Eyes that see the world no more: Eyes that see the world no more: finding peacefinding peace

Living matters. Dying always comes Living matters. Dying always comes sooner than we think. Life is short. sooner than we think. Life is short.

We don’t know how to live right. We don’t know how to live right. Living is not easy. Living is not easy. Living well is extremely difficult: we have to Living well is extremely difficult: we have to

learn how to ripen rather than wither on the learn how to ripen rather than wither on the vine. vine.

We pass on what we have learnt but often fail We pass on what we have learnt but often fail to mention how to live a good life; what works to mention how to live a good life; what works and what doesn’t. and what doesn’t.

Our life is Our life is in fluxin flux

Things constantlyThings constantly

change and so do wechange and so do we Circle of life goes onCircle of life goes on We cannot stop it We cannot stop it

Stages of a Woman’s lifeStages of a Woman’s life

Our lives are like the seasons or the birth Our lives are like the seasons or the birth of day and night. of day and night.

Watching life go byWatching life go by

observers observers participants participants

creatures creatures or creators or creators

active active reactive reactive

pro-active pro-active passivepassive

Life is a journey: in both space and timeLife is a journey: in both space and time

We are on the way towards somewhere, We are on the way towards somewhere, sometimes without knowing it: we hide or sometimes without knowing it: we hide or ignore our own intentions and direction. We ignore our own intentions and direction. We live automatically or by default: feeling live automatically or by default: feeling battered by the waves of life. battered by the waves of life.

Captain of your shipCaptain of your ship

So, how do we learn to captain our own So, how do we learn to captain our own ship to find our way through our life with ship to find our way through our life with deliberation?deliberation?

Tight fit:Tight fit:

Sometimes life is plain sailing, but at other Sometimes life is plain sailing, but at other times, prevailing winds are from the north, or times, prevailing winds are from the north, or we are having to navigate between a rock and we are having to navigate between a rock and a hard place.. a hard place..

Taking shortcutsTaking shortcuts The objective of life is not to get to some The objective of life is not to get to some

destination, some utopia where all will be well destination, some utopia where all will be well ever after: happiness is not the objective, but ever after: happiness is not the objective, but only an occasional portonly an occasional port

Taking shortcuts is usually counterproductive. Taking shortcuts is usually counterproductive. They stop us learning about life. They stop us learning about life.

Nietzsche’s warningNietzsche’s warning

The supposed 'shorter ways' have always put The supposed 'shorter ways' have always put mankind into great danger; at the glad tidings mankind into great danger; at the glad tidings that such a shorter way has been found, they that such a shorter way has been found, they always desert their wayalways desert their way

– – and lose their way and lose their way

Kierkegaard’s reflective living as the knight of faith Kierkegaard’s reflective living as the knight of faith can only happen if we live for real: we can only truly can only happen if we live for real: we can only truly

learn if we live itlearn if we live it

Life has to be remembered Life has to be remembered backwards but it has to be lived backwards but it has to be lived forwardsforwards

Attunement to what isAttunement to what is(mindfulness)(mindfulness)

Kierkegaard’s paradoxKierkegaard’s paradox

Personhood is a synthesis of Personhood is a synthesis of possibility and necessity. possibility and necessity.

Its continued existence is like Its continued existence is like breathing (respiration), which is an breathing (respiration), which is an inhaling and exhaling.inhaling and exhaling.

(Kierkegaard, Sickness unto Death: 40)(Kierkegaard, Sickness unto Death: 40)

Letting life in: being=breathingLetting life in: being=breathing

Air : spirit : soul : life. Air : spirit : soul : life.

Heidegger’s project (Entwurf)Heidegger’s project (Entwurf)

Anxiety is related to homelessness (Unheimlichkeit): Anxiety is related to homelessness (Unheimlichkeit): the fact that we the fact that we are project, are project, in the throw,in the throw,

means we aremeans we are never at ease, never at ease,

always unsettledalways unsettled On the move, On the move,

Not at home.Not at home.

Anxiety turns to panic when action Anxiety turns to panic when action whirls in on itself and is blockedwhirls in on itself and is blocked

A feeling of dizziness and A feeling of dizziness and

becoming absorbed in fuzzinessbecoming absorbed in fuzziness But it is also a staircase to somewhereBut it is also a staircase to somewhere

inside. inside. You can retrieve the sense of safety You can retrieve the sense of safety

inside your own emotioninside your own emotion Before reaching for the unfurling…Before reaching for the unfurling…

When anxiety reaches towards its When anxiety reaches towards its potentialpotential

We can see the power of the waveWe can see the power of the wave

Learn to catch it and ride itLearn to catch it and ride it

We are like a planet, in orbit, finding We are like a planet, in orbit, finding our path.our path.

Connecting to the wave and tidesConnecting to the wave and tides

Until I saw the sea Until I saw the sea I did not know I did not know that wind that wind could wrinkle water so could wrinkle water so

I never knew I never knew that sun that sun could splinter a whole sea of blue could splinter a whole sea of blue

nor nor did I know before, did I know before, a sea breathes in and out a sea breathes in and out upon a shore upon a shore

by Lilian Mooreby Lilian Moore

Our life is like a riverOur life is like a river

We wind our own way down the road of lifeWe wind our own way down the road of life When it flows steadily that feels goodWhen it flows steadily that feels good Set patterns are like sediment in the river that Set patterns are like sediment in the river that

make us stagnatemake us stagnate Get back into the flow of life Get back into the flow of life

Recapturing radical FREEDOMRecapturing radical FREEDOM

‘‘Freedom is not a property (Eigenschaft : Freedom is not a property (Eigenschaft : characteristic) of man; man is the property characteristic) of man; man is the property (Eigentum:possession) of freedom.’(Eigentum:possession) of freedom.’

(Heidegger 1971: Schelling’s Treatise on the Essence of Human Freedom, transl. Stambaugh (Heidegger 1971: Schelling’s Treatise on the Essence of Human Freedom, transl. Stambaugh

J. (Athens Ohio: ohio University Press 1985: 11/9). J. (Athens Ohio: ohio University Press 1985: 11/9).

There is no abstract ethics. There is only an ethics in a situation and therefore it is concrete. An abstract ethics is that of the good conscience. It assumes that one can be ethical in a fundamentally unethical situation.(Sartre, Notes For an Ethics:17)

Sartre’s existential ethicsSartre’s existential ethics

Things to rememberThings to remember We learn in context and with othersWe learn in context and with others To build a true learning community we need to come close to To build a true learning community we need to come close to

people in mutual respectpeople in mutual respect And by addressing the life issues that really matter to us and And by addressing the life issues that really matter to us and

our clients rather than red herrings of pathologyour clients rather than red herrings of pathology People’s suffering and fears are the sacred fires that make us People’s suffering and fears are the sacred fires that make us

human and bring us to lifehuman and bring us to life It is up to us to show how these can burn safely and not It is up to us to show how these can burn safely and not

destroydestroy In order to transform and transcend them we have to make In order to transform and transcend them we have to make

human understanding central to all we do. human understanding central to all we do.

Conflicts and dilemmas Conflicts and dilemmas are essentialare essential

Conflicts are the core of existence.Conflicts are the core of existence. Things and people oppose each other.Things and people oppose each other. Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you. Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you. Relationships are about tension: fission or Relationships are about tension: fission or

fusion. fusion. Most conflicts are not just with others but with Most conflicts are not just with others but with

the world, with beliefs and with ourselves.the world, with beliefs and with ourselves. Conflict does not have to lead to combat.Conflict does not have to lead to combat.

Difficulties on four dimensionsDifficulties on four dimensions

physicaphysicall

socialsocial personalpersonal spiritualspiritual

DeficitDeficit DifferenceDifference DilemmaDilemma DisorientatioDisorientationn

DiseaseDisease DiscordDiscord Deception Deception (self)(self)

DelusionDelusion

DesireDesire DominancDominancee

DisappointmDisappointmentent

DoubtDoubt

DependencDependencee

DishonestyDishonesty DreadDread DebtDebt

Dis-Dis-embodimenembodimentt

Dis-Dis-engagemeengagementnt

DespondencyDespondency DissolutionDissolution

DeathDeath DestructioDestructionn

DistressDistress DespairDespair

Existential Space Existential Space

Physical space

Social space

Personal space

Spiritual space

Your own little sphere of Your own little sphere of existence mattersexistence matters

Imagine a person like a sphereImagine a person like a sphere

That person is located in a universe That person is located in a universe with other planets, stars, suns, with other planets, stars, suns,

moons and spheresmoons and spheres

Sphere as a planet or a cell: micro or Sphere as a planet or a cell: micro or macro level. macro level.

If a cell: connection with other cells, If a cell: connection with other cells, function and internal constitution function and internal constitution

are paramountare paramount

If planet: orbit and position If planet: orbit and position mattermatter

Merleau Ponty: Visible and InvisibleMerleau Ponty: Visible and Invisible

Things are structures – frameworks – the stars of our Things are structures – frameworks – the stars of our life: they gravitate around us. Yet there is a secret life: they gravitate around us. Yet there is a secret bond between bond between

us and them – us and them –

through perception through perception

we enter into the we enter into the

essence of the fleshessence of the flesh

(Visible and Invisible: 220)(Visible and Invisible: 220)

You experience yourself as having a You experience yourself as having a nucleus: a core, a heart or a soulnucleus: a core, a heart or a soul

Perhaps we are more like suns, Perhaps we are more like suns, generating heat and lightgenerating heat and light

Solar anatomy Solar anatomy

Layers of the sunLayers of the sun

Corona, chromosphere, photosphere, Corona, chromosphere, photosphere, convection zone, and core. convection zone, and core.

Layers of a person’s life.Layers of a person’s life.

4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt

2.Personal: Eigenwelt

1.Spiritual: Uberwelt

Merleau Ponty: soulMerleau Ponty: soul

The soul is the hollow of the body, the body is The soul is the hollow of the body, the body is the distension of the soul. The soul adheres to the distension of the soul. The soul adheres to the body as their signification adheres to the the body as their signification adheres to the cultural things, whose reverse or other side it cultural things, whose reverse or other side it is. (233)is. (233)

Layers of a person’s life.Layers of a person’s life.

4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt

2.Personal: Eigenwelt

1.Spiritual: Uberwelt

Spiritual:Good/Evil

Intuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Worldview/Ideas.

Personal:Strength/Weakness

Thoughts, memories, identity, freedom.Selfhood/Me.

Social:Love/Hate

Feelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement.Communication/Others.

Physical:

Life/DeathSensations, actions, environment, body, things.

Survival/World.

Dimensions of existenceDimensions of existence

Different perspectivesDifferent perspectives

Depending on where we stand light refracts Depending on where we stand light refracts differently through the prism of life.differently through the prism of life.

Our emotions colour our Our emotions colour our worldviewworldview

They create different atmospheres at different They create different atmospheres at different times.times.

Emotions are our orientation.Emotions are our orientation.

Emotions are like the weather: never none.Emotions are like the weather: never none. They are the way we relate to the world. They are the way we relate to the world. They define the mood of the moment.They define the mood of the moment. They are our atmosphere and modality.They are our atmosphere and modality. They tell us where we are. They tell us where we are. Learn to tune in rather than tune out. Learn to tune in rather than tune out. Use the emotional compass.Use the emotional compass.

pridepride

jealousyjealousy

anger-anger-despairdespair

fearfear

sorrowsorrowshameshame

envyenvy

hope-hope-desiredesire

lovelove

joyjoy

SadnessSadnessLowLow

HappinessHappinessHighHigh

AnxietyAnxietyExcitementExcitementEngagementEngagement

DepressionDepressionDisappointmentDisappointmentDisengagementDisengagement

1:Pride-confidence-arrogance1:Pride-confidence-arrogance

2:Jealousy-worry-vigilance2:Jealousy-worry-vigilance

3:Anger-hate-despair3:Anger-hate-despair

4:Fear-confusion-cowardice4:Fear-confusion-cowardice

5:Sorrow-misery-resignation5:Sorrow-misery-resignationShame-emptiness-guilt:7Shame-emptiness-guilt:7

Envy-curiosity-aspiration:8Envy-curiosity-aspiration:8

Hope-desire-resolve:9Hope-desire-resolve:9

Love-courage-commitment:10Love-courage-commitment:10

Joy-thrill-excitement:11Joy-thrill-excitement:11

6. Low 6. Low DespondencyDespondencyDepressionDepression

ExhilarationExhilarationHappiness Happiness 12:High12:High

UpUpgaingain

DownDownlossloss

Emotional Emotional Compass Compass

The colour of emotionThe colour of emotion

Depressed worldviewDepressed worldview

GreedGreed

StinginessStinginess

FrustrationFrustration

DisgustDisgust

PainPainNeedNeed

CravingCraving

ExcitemenExcitementt

LustLust

PleasurePleasure

DeprivationDeprivationEmptinessEmptiness

SatisfactionSatisfactionFullnessFullness

GainGainSurvivalSurvival

LossLossThreatThreat

Compass of Physical Compass of Physical SensationSensation

CareCare

JealousyJealousy

AngerAnger

FearFear

RejectionRejectionShameShame

EnvyEnvy

ApprovalApproval

LoveLove

AcceptanceAcceptance

IsolationIsolationSeparatenessSeparateness

BelongingBelongingOnenessOneness

EngagementEngagement DisengagementDisengagement

Compass of Social Compass of Social FeelingFeeling

SuperioritySuperiority

StubbornnessStubbornness

DefianceDefiance

DeflationDeflation

HumiliationHumiliationInferiorityInferiority

AnxietyAnxiety

CourageCourage

CommitmentCommitment

ConfidenceConfidence

ImperfectionImperfectionWeaknessWeakness

PerfectionPerfectionStrengthStrength

SuccessSuccess FailureFailure

Compass of Personal Compass of Personal ThinkingThinking

PridePride

PrudencePrudence

WrathWrath

ResignationResignation

DisillusionmentDisillusionmentGuiltGuilt

AspirationAspiration

HopeHope

ResolutenessResoluteness

BlissBliss

FutilityFutilityAbsurdityAbsurdity

Meaning Meaning PurposePurpose

GoodGood EvilEvil

Compass of Spiritual Compass of Spiritual IntuitionIntuition

Rising above your emotionsRising above your emotions

Above the clouds the weather is steady even Above the clouds the weather is steady even when it rains below.when it rains below.

Transcending our own situation and emotions Transcending our own situation and emotions allows us to understand our own response. allows us to understand our own response.

Tillich’s Courage to BeTillich’s Courage to Be

Courage is the universal self-Courage is the universal self-affirmation of one’s Being in the affirmation of one’s Being in the presence of the threat of non-presence of the threat of non-BeingBeing(Tillich 1952:163).(Tillich 1952:163).

Integrating non being: Paul Integrating non being: Paul Tillich: 1886-1965 Tillich: 1886-1965

A neurotic person can take on board only a A neurotic person can take on board only a little bit of non-beinglittle bit of non-being

The average person can take on a limited The average person can take on a limited amount of non-beingamount of non-being

The creative person can accommodate a large The creative person can accommodate a large amount of non-beingamount of non-being

God can tolerate an infinite amount of non-God can tolerate an infinite amount of non-being. being.

Marcus AureliusMarcus Aurelius

It is not death that a man should fear, but he It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to liveshould fear never beginning to live

The paradox is that death, troubles, labour, The paradox is that death, troubles, labour, failures, pain and sorrow are unavoidable and failures, pain and sorrow are unavoidable and necessarynecessary

They are the things that wake you up to They are the things that wake you up to awareness and that open you to lifeawareness and that open you to life

Meaning and PurposeMeaning and Purpose Find out what is meaningful to you. Find out what is meaningful to you. Find out what your purpose in life is.Find out what your purpose in life is. Work for it in truth and with dedication.Work for it in truth and with dedication. Come what may..Come what may..

Reclaiming your spaceReclaiming your space

Finding fluidity, peace Finding fluidity, peace

freedom and purpose. freedom and purpose.

Websites.Websites.

www.existentialpsychotherapy.netwww.dilemmas.orgwww.nspc.org.ukwww.septimus.infowww.psychotherapytraining.netwww.emmyvandeurzen.comFacebook/LinkedIn: Existential Therapy

ResilienceResilience

How do people overcome obstacles and deal with How do people overcome obstacles and deal with anxiety?anxiety?

How do they survive difficuHow do they survive difficulties, crises, trauma?lties, crises, trauma? Are there personal qualities that Are there personal qualities that enable a personenable a person to be to be

resilient?resilient? Are there certain ways of being that are more Are there certain ways of being that are more

conducive to survival and learning from traumatic conducive to survival and learning from traumatic experience?experience?

Role of creative use of trauma. Role of creative use of trauma. Happiness is a genetic given for 50% of our happiness Happiness is a genetic given for 50% of our happiness

quotient.quotient. How do we live well?How do we live well?

The negatives that are positivesThe negatives that are positives Anxiety far from being something to shun and treat as Anxiety far from being something to shun and treat as

a symptom to eliminate is the source of energy that a symptom to eliminate is the source of energy that makes us come to lifemakes us come to life

Our capacity for despair is what makes us deep and Our capacity for despair is what makes us deep and capable of feeling, empathy and creativitycapable of feeling, empathy and creativity

Without suffering our lives would have less meaningWithout suffering our lives would have less meaning To be human is to be conscious and be aware of lack, To be human is to be conscious and be aware of lack,

trouble, difficulty and strife. trouble, difficulty and strife.

How to understand traumaHow to understand trauma

A wound, hurt, or injury to the body. Trauma A wound, hurt, or injury to the body. Trauma can also be mental such as when a person feels can also be mental such as when a person feels great stress or emotional injury. great stress or emotional injury.

Damage caused by violence or accident. Damage caused by violence or accident. Some trauma has a natural cause, some trauma Some trauma has a natural cause, some trauma

has a social cause. has a social cause. We carry some responsibility for certain We carry some responsibility for certain

traumas and are innocent victims of others. traumas and are innocent victims of others.

Victimization

Physical

Responsibility

•Earthquake•Flood•Drought•Tornado•Hurricane•Pandemics•Tsunami•Volcanic eruption•Plagues•Starvation

•War•Torture•Transport disasters•Stampedes•Persecution•Terrorism•Hijacking•Murder•Assault•Rape

• Suicide• Smoking • Drugs• Alcohol• Food abuse• Stress• Recklessness• Sports Injury • STDs

•Abuse•Extortion•Blackmail•Harassment•Bullying•Unfair dismissal•Industrial injury•Occupational illness•Traffic accidents

Homeostasis Social

Overcoming disasterOvercoming disaster A recent study by Spurrell and Mc Farlane based on A recent study by Spurrell and Mc Farlane based on

work done in relation to communities that have been work done in relation to communities that have been hit by disasters, investigated the ways in which hit by disasters, investigated the ways in which people actually cope with stressful events. It found people actually cope with stressful events. It found that cognitive intrusion was the most important factor that cognitive intrusion was the most important factor standing in the way of a person coping. In other standing in the way of a person coping. In other words it is the processing of disasters that is of prime words it is the processing of disasters that is of prime importance. If a person can manage to assimilate the importance. If a person can manage to assimilate the crisis and make it meaningful in some way than it can crisis and make it meaningful in some way than it can be processed emotionally and overcome. If it is not be processed emotionally and overcome. If it is not dealt with in this way it will remain a cognitive dealt with in this way it will remain a cognitive intrusion in the person's life subsequently. intrusion in the person's life subsequently.

What helps?What helps? Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.

They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…) survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…)

The conflict or trauma has to be put to good use. The conflict or trauma has to be put to good use.

There has to be a safe place one can retreat to. There has to be a safe place one can retreat to.

It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.

It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a building block of it. building block of it.

If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure and bad character: making it meaningful. and bad character: making it meaningful.

Breakthrough in stead of Breakthrough in stead of breakdown. breakdown.

Loss and transition are about breakdown of the Loss and transition are about breakdown of the old.old.

Instead of breaking down and becoming Instead of breaking down and becoming depressed it can mean we break through some depressed it can mean we break through some block and move on to a next level. block and move on to a next level.

In the process we become stronger. In the process we become stronger.

DialecticsDialectics

Thesis, antithesis, synthesis.Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Human evolution proceeds with constant Human evolution proceeds with constant

conflict and forward movement in overcoming conflict and forward movement in overcoming a previous state. a previous state.

Paradoxes and dilemmas can be integrated and Paradoxes and dilemmas can be integrated and gone beyond. gone beyond.

The cycle of changeThe cycle of change

Enter from pre-contemplation Enter from pre-contemplation PreparationPreparation ContemplationContemplation ActionAction Relapse and RecycleRelapse and Recycle MaintenanceMaintenance Exit to termination/resolutionExit to termination/resolution

Conflict is essentialConflict is essential

Conflicts are the core of existence.Conflicts are the core of existence. Things and people oppose each other.Things and people oppose each other. Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you. Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you. Relationships are about tension: fission or Relationships are about tension: fission or

fusion. fusion. Most conflicts are not just with others but with Most conflicts are not just with others but with

the world, with beliefs and with ourselves.the world, with beliefs and with ourselves. Conflict does not have to lead to combat.Conflict does not have to lead to combat.

Friedrich Glasl’s Friedrich Glasl’s model of conflict.model of conflict.

Stage 1: HardeningStage 1: HardeningStage 2: Debates And PolemicsStage 2: Debates And PolemicsStage 3: Actions, Not WordsStage 3: Actions, Not WordsStage 4: Images And CoalitionsStage 4: Images And CoalitionsStage 5: Loss Of Face Stage 5: Loss Of Face Stage 6: Strategies Of ThreatsStage 6: Strategies Of ThreatsStage 7: Limited Destructive BlowsStage 7: Limited Destructive BlowsStage 8: Fragmentation Of The EnemyStage 8: Fragmentation Of The EnemyStage 9: Together Into The Abyss Stage 9: Together Into The Abyss

Satir’s model of changeSatir’s model of change 1Old Status Quo: Encourage people to seek improvement Old Status Quo: Encourage people to seek improvement

information and concepts from outside the group.information and concepts from outside the group. 2Resistance:Help people to open up, become aware, and Resistance:Help people to open up, become aware, and

overcome the reaction to deny, avoid or blame.overcome the reaction to deny, avoid or blame. 3Chaos:Help build a safe environment that enables people to Chaos:Help build a safe environment that enables people to

focus on their feelings, acknowledge their fear, and use their focus on their feelings, acknowledge their fear, and use their support systems. Help management avoid any attempt to short support systems. Help management avoid any attempt to short circuit this stage with magical solutions.circuit this stage with magical solutions.

4Integration:Offer reassurance and help finding new methods Integration:Offer reassurance and help finding new methods for coping with difficulties.for coping with difficulties.

5New Status Quo:Help people feel safe so they can practice.New Status Quo:Help people feel safe so they can practice.

Satir Model: Family Therapy and Beyond, ISBN 0831400781, Science and Behavior Books, 1991.

When is it worth fighting?When is it worth fighting?

Values at work and in personal life. Values at work and in personal life. Fraud and corruption are like infections: they Fraud and corruption are like infections: they

undermine the health of an organization or a undermine the health of an organization or a society, and it is essential they are rooted out. society, and it is essential they are rooted out.

Some people fight, some resist silently, some Some people fight, some resist silently, some collaborate with the enemy. collaborate with the enemy.

Whistle blowers, victims, martyrs, bystanders, Whistle blowers, victims, martyrs, bystanders, aggressors. aggressors.

Phases of CrisisPhases of Crisis Growing interest in somethingGrowing interest in something Excitement/ExasperationExcitement/Exasperation Trying out a new way to beTrying out a new way to be Experimentation/ExpectationExperimentation/Expectation Acknowledgement of situationAcknowledgement of situation Expression/ExplanationExpression/Explanation Developing one’s commitment to thisDeveloping one’s commitment to this Exhilaration/EscalationExhilaration/Escalation Public declaration (Discovery)Public declaration (Discovery) Exposure/ExternalizationExposure/Externalization CrisisCrisis Ec-dysis/ExcessEc-dysis/Excess Chaos: living several livesChaos: living several lives Exhaustion/EscapeExhaustion/Escape Giving up past beliefs and aspirationsGiving up past beliefs and aspirations Extraction/ExitExtraction/Exit Letting go (de-cathecting)Letting go (de-cathecting) Extinction/ExcommunicationExtinction/Excommunication Realizing there is no way backRealizing there is no way back Exclusion/ExpulsionExclusion/Expulsion Integrating pain and understanding pastIntegrating pain and understanding past Emergence/ExonerationEmergence/Exoneration Creating new opportunities Creating new opportunities Exploration/ExertionExploration/Exertion Making a new commitmentMaking a new commitment Extension/ExchangeExtension/Exchange Establishing life anewEstablishing life anew Expansion/ExuberanceExpansion/Exuberance SuccessSuccess Ecstasy/ExcellenceEcstasy/Excellence

Resolution or ResignationResolution or Resignation

Considering the issue of whether we have to Considering the issue of whether we have to be as Heidegger said resolute about the be as Heidegger said resolute about the resolution of crisis, or whether we have to also resolution of crisis, or whether we have to also be receptive and yielding, with resignation, be receptive and yielding, with resignation, going with the flow and trusting the laws of going with the flow and trusting the laws of life to get it right when we no longer can. life to get it right when we no longer can. Sometimes we are better off merely keeping Sometimes we are better off merely keeping the boat afloat and following the stream. the boat afloat and following the stream.

Bullying at workBullying at work In 1996 The Institute of Personnel and Development published In 1996 The Institute of Personnel and Development published

a survey on workplace bullying that revealed that workplace a survey on workplace bullying that revealed that workplace bullying was costing industry and taxpayers £12 billion a year. bullying was costing industry and taxpayers £12 billion a year. It showed that 1 in 8 people reported an experience of being It showed that 1 in 8 people reported an experience of being bullied at work. Two years previously a survey done by bullied at work. Two years previously a survey done by Staffordshire University Business School showed that 1 in 2 Staffordshire University Business School showed that 1 in 2 employees experienced being bullied at work at some point in employees experienced being bullied at work at some point in their lives. Bullying is undoubtedly one of the major causes of their lives. Bullying is undoubtedly one of the major causes of stress at work. A survey done by an NHS trust in 1999, stress at work. A survey done by an NHS trust in 1999, published in the BMJ showed that 38% of staff in an NHS published in the BMJ showed that 38% of staff in an NHS setting reported experiencing one or more types of bullying in setting reported experiencing one or more types of bullying in the past year, whilst 42% of staff reported having observed the past year, whilst 42% of staff reported having observed bullying of others. It also noted that bullying leads to bullying of others. It also noted that bullying leads to psychological ill health and reduced job satisfaction.psychological ill health and reduced job satisfaction.

What is bullying?What is bullying? The Manufacturing, Science and Finance Union The Manufacturing, Science and Finance Union

(MSF) has identified workplace bullying as (MSF) has identified workplace bullying as "Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, "Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behavior, abuse of power or malicious or insulting behavior, abuse of power or unfair penal sanctions which make the recipient feel unfair penal sanctions which make the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated, or vulnerable, which upset, threatened, humiliated, or vulnerable, which undermines their self confidence and which may undermines their self confidence and which may cause them to suffer stress. The word was later cause them to suffer stress. The word was later defined by Peter Randall, (Adult Bullying - defined by Peter Randall, (Adult Bullying - Perpetrators & Victims. P4) as being "the aggressive Perpetrators & Victims. P4) as being "the aggressive behavior arising from the deliberate intent to cause behavior arising from the deliberate intent to cause physical or psychological distress to others".physical or psychological distress to others".

Dual Concern ModelDual Concern Model

The Dual Concern Model of Conflict Handling has The Dual Concern Model of Conflict Handling has existed for thirty years in the field of organization existed for thirty years in the field of organization studies. The two concerns are concern for one’s own studies. The two concerns are concern for one’s own interests and concern for the interests of the other; interests and concern for the interests of the other; this is sometimes re-phrased as concern for outcome this is sometimes re-phrased as concern for outcome and concern for relationship. Reliant on a nine point and concern for relationship. Reliant on a nine point grid developed by Thomas (1978) it is grid developed by Thomas (1978) it is operationalized as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict operationalized as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (1986). The schema proposes two Mode Instrument (1986). The schema proposes two dimensions: ‘assertiveness’ and ‘co-operativeness’ dimensions: ‘assertiveness’ and ‘co-operativeness’

Description of the 5 modesDescription of the 5 modes

Compete:Compete: assertive and not co-operative, an individual concerned to win assertive and not co-operative, an individual concerned to win his/her own position. his/her own position. “It has to be my way”“It has to be my way”

Collaborate:Collaborate: assertive and co-operative, an individual involving the other assertive and co-operative, an individual involving the other in working out a solution, concerned with satisfying both his/her own and in working out a solution, concerned with satisfying both his/her own and the other’s wishes. the other’s wishes. “Let’s see if we can find a solution that satisfies all “Let’s see if we can find a solution that satisfies all parties”.parties”.

Avoid:Avoid: neither assertive nor co-operative, an individual trying to avoid neither assertive nor co-operative, an individual trying to avoid creating unpleasantness for self, trying to postpone or not worry about creating unpleasantness for self, trying to postpone or not worry about issues. issues. “I don’t want to deal with this”.“I don’t want to deal with this”.

AccommodateAccommodate: not assertive but co-operative, an individual concerned for : not assertive but co-operative, an individual concerned for the welfare of the other rather than their own. the welfare of the other rather than their own. “If this is what you want I “If this is what you want I will agree”.will agree”.

CompromiseCompromise: midway in assertiveness and co-operativeness, an : midway in assertiveness and co-operativeness, an individual tries to find middle ground or exchange concessionsindividual tries to find middle ground or exchange concessions . “Let’s split . “Let’s split the difference somehow”.the difference somehow”.

Susan RobsonSusan Robson The dual concern model is based on the notion of symmetric conflict, The dual concern model is based on the notion of symmetric conflict,

where there is a conflict of interest between relatively similar parties. where there is a conflict of interest between relatively similar parties. These are the conflicts where there is optimistic talk of win-win solutionsThese are the conflicts where there is optimistic talk of win-win solutions[1]. However, because of the lack of attention to emotional tone, personal . However, because of the lack of attention to emotional tone, personal story lines and the structural context in which the conflict occurs, the dual story lines and the structural context in which the conflict occurs, the dual concern model seems mechanistic. Many conflicts are not symmetric but concern model seems mechanistic. Many conflicts are not symmetric but represent a different balance of interests between dissimilar parties. represent a different balance of interests between dissimilar parties. Examples are a majority and a minority, government and rebels, employers Examples are a majority and a minority, government and rebels, employers and employees. These are asymmetric conflicts where the conflict is built and employees. These are asymmetric conflicts where the conflict is built into the structure of the connection or relationship between the parties, into the structure of the connection or relationship between the parties, often expressed in terms of who holds more power often expressed in terms of who holds more power [1] Rothman (1997) refers to ‘naive optimism’ that real conflicts can ever Rothman (1997) refers to ‘naive optimism’ that real conflicts can ever have win-win outcomes, suggesting that this purely distributive focus is have win-win outcomes, suggesting that this purely distributive focus is misleading, wrong and shallow.misleading, wrong and shallow.

Abuse of PowerAbuse of Power

Tim Field’s book Bully in Sight (Field 1996)Tim Field’s book Bully in Sight (Field 1996) Describes different forms of bullying at work:Describes different forms of bullying at work: Pressure bullyingPressure bullying. . Corporate bullyingCorporate bullying Organizational Bullying Organizational Bullying Client Bullying Client Bullying Serial BullyingSerial Bullying

Pressure BullyingPressure Bullying or or unwitting bullyingunwitting bullying is where the stress of the is where the stress of the

moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the situation arises they experience so that next time the situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in my definition of workplace bullyingmy definition of workplace bullying

Corporate BullyingCorporate Bullying Corporate bullyingCorporate bullying is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak

and jobs are scarce, eg: and jobs are scarce, eg: coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or dismissing) coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or dismissing)

anyone who objects anyone who objects dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to pay the costs of dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to pay the costs of

unfair dismissal at Employment Tribunalunfair dismissal at Employment Tribunal introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely

entitled entitled regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations, using the mystery regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations, using the mystery

shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees), sending personnel officers or private investigators to an video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees), sending personnel officers or private investigators to an employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc. interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc.

deems any employee suffering from deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and denying the denying the causecause of stress (usually bad management and bullying) of stress (usually bad management and bullying)

"encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to fabricate "encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to fabricate complaints about their colleagues complaints about their colleagues

employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term contracts; employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term contracts; anyone who resists has their life made hell anyone who resists has their life made hell

Corporate bullying can only be dealt with if there is a consensus in the organization that something is Corporate bullying can only be dealt with if there is a consensus in the organization that something is wrong and that talent is being wasted. wrong and that talent is being wasted.

Organisational BullyingOrganisational Bullying

Organisational bullyingOrganisational bullying is a combination of is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and other external pressures. expectations, and other external pressures. Sometimes managers who are given time to talk Sometimes managers who are given time to talk about their own problems with stress and pressure can about their own problems with stress and pressure can be helped to understand the way in which the be helped to understand the way in which the organizational climate of bullying and pressurizing is organizational climate of bullying and pressurizing is in fact counterproductive. in fact counterproductive.

Client BullyingClient Bullying Client bullyingClient bullying is where employees are bullied by is where employees are bullied by

those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) in an abusive,  derogatory and often physically in an abusive,  derogatory and often physically violent manner. Client bullying can also be violent manner. Client bullying can also be employees bullying their clients. Both these sorts of employees bullying their clients. Both these sorts of bullying can be dealt with effectively through training bullying can be dealt with effectively through training seminars and personal coaching. seminars and personal coaching.

Serial BullyingSerial Bullying Serial bullyingSerial bullying is the most serious of all these forms is the most serious of all these forms

of bullying and often the hardest sort to pinpoint and of bullying and often the hardest sort to pinpoint and eradicate. It happens where the source of all eradicate. It happens where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee after another and destroys picks on one employee after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying. The them. This is the most common type of bullying. The serial bully, according to Tim Field (1996) exhibits serial bully, according to Tim Field (1996) exhibits the symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder the symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). Most people know at least one person in their (APD). Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do not recognise this person as a sociopath. Tim Field do not recognise this person as a sociopath. Tim Field estimates one person in thirty is a sociopath. estimates one person in thirty is a sociopath.

Becoming a targetBecoming a target How do bullies select their targets?How do bullies select their targets? The bully selects their target using the following criteria: The bully selects their target using the following criteria: being good at ones' job, often excelling being good at ones' job, often excelling being popular with people (eg colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc) being popular with people (eg colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc) standing up for a colleague who is being bullied - this standing up for a colleague who is being bullied - this ensuresensures you will be next; sometimes the bully drops you will be next; sometimes the bully drops

their current target and turns their attention to you immediately their current target and turns their attention to you immediately blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure, breaches of blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure, breaches of

Health & Safety Regulations etc Health & Safety Regulations etc unwittinglyunwittingly highlighting, drawing attention to, exposing, revealing, or inviting comparison with the bully's highlighting, drawing attention to, exposing, revealing, or inviting comparison with the bully's

inadequacy and incompetence inadequacy and incompetence simply by being competentsimply by being competent being incorruptible, having high moral standards which one is unwilling to compromise being incorruptible, having high moral standards which one is unwilling to compromise being too old or too expensive (usually both) being too old or too expensive (usually both) undertaking trade union duties undertaking trade union duties being vulnerable, eg single parent, main breadwinner, carer, living alone, undergoing divorce, being vulnerable, eg single parent, main breadwinner, carer, living alone, undergoing divorce,

bereavement, being young in a group of older people (or vice-versa), etc bereavement, being young in a group of older people (or vice-versa), etc challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly refusing to join an established clique refusing to join an established clique being vulnerable through being honest and having integrity that you are unwilling to sacrifice being vulnerable through being honest and having integrity that you are unwilling to sacrifice being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, etc being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, etc gaining recognition for your achievements, eg winning an award gaining recognition for your achievements, eg winning an award Jealousy (of relationships or perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of abilities) are strong motivators of Jealousy (of relationships or perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of abilities) are strong motivators of

bullying. bullying.

Standing byStanding by

"All it needs for evil to prosper is for people of "All it needs for evil to prosper is for people of goodwill to do nothing" goodwill to do nothing" (Edmund Burke)(Edmund Burke)

"He who passively accepts evil is as much "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it" involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it" (Martin Luther King)(Martin Luther King)

Denial and ProjectionDenial and Projection The criticisms and allegations that the bully makes often have a grain of The criticisms and allegations that the bully makes often have a grain of

truth in them to fool you into believing the whole criticism has validity - truth in them to fool you into believing the whole criticism has validity - which it does not. Don't be deceived. Isolate the grain of truth and then which it does not. Don't be deceived. Isolate the grain of truth and then identify the remaining distortion or fabrication, which is likely to be a identify the remaining distortion or fabrication, which is likely to be a projection - and thus admission - of the bully's own shortcomings. projection - and thus admission - of the bully's own shortcomings.

Denial is everywhere. The person who asserts their right not to be Denial is everywhere. The person who asserts their right not to be bullied is often blowing the whistle on another's incompetence (which bullied is often blowing the whistle on another's incompetence (which the bullying is intended to hide). Expect the bully to deny everything, the bullying is intended to hide). Expect the bully to deny everything, expect the bully's superiors to deny and disbelieve everything, and - as expect the bully's superiors to deny and disbelieve everything, and - as evidenced by thousands of cases reported to my Advice Line - expect evidenced by thousands of cases reported to my Advice Line - expect personnel/human resources to disbelieve you and deny the bullying, for personnel/human resources to disbelieve you and deny the bullying, for they will already have been deceived by the bully into joining in with they will already have been deceived by the bully into joining in with the bully and getting rid of you.. the bully and getting rid of you..

Secondary bullyingSecondary bullying Secondary bullyingSecondary bullying is mostly unwitting bullying which most people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the is mostly unwitting bullying which most people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the

department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes everyone's department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes everyone's behaviour to decline. One line manager pushes around the next in order to make some space where their own space has been behaviour to decline. One line manager pushes around the next in order to make some space where their own space has been invaded by the bully. invaded by the bully.

Pair bullyingPair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an affair going on. going on.

Gang bullyingGang bullying is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying climates. If the is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying climates. If the bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and screamer, and thus easily bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and screamer, and thus easily identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that person will be in the background identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that person will be in the background initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be harder to identify. A common tactic of this type initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be harder to identify. A common tactic of this type of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what others are alleged to have said about that person - and of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what others are alleged to have said about that person - and encourage each person to think they are the only one with the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies. encourage each person to think they are the only one with the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies.

Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain satisfaction from the feeling of power and Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain satisfaction from the feeling of power and control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the gang are coerced into control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the gang are coerced into joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires, one of these coercees will be the joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires, one of these coercees will be the scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to vent their anger. The serial bully watches from scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to vent their anger. The serial bully watches from a safe distance, satisfied and gratified.a safe distance, satisfied and gratified.

In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets. There are In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets. There are few bystanders, as most of these will be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt bullying tactics yourself and thus few bystanders, as most of these will be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt bullying tactics yourself and thus survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to join in, in which case you are bullied, survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to join in, in which case you are bullied, harassed, victimized, and scapegoated until your health is so severely impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a harassed, victimized, and scapegoated until your health is so severely impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a psychiatric injury, psychiatric injury, notnot a mental illness), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself unexpectedly selected for redundancy, a mental illness), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself unexpectedly selected for redundancy, or are unfairly dismissed.or are unfairly dismissed.

Tasks of grievingTasks of grieving

J.William Worden's (2002)the grieving person has to J.William Worden's (2002)the grieving person has to accomplish four critical tasks, which are: accomplish four critical tasks, which are:

Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss. Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss. Task 2: To work through to the pain of grief. Task 2: To work through to the pain of grief. Task 3: To adjust to an environment in which the Task 3: To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. deceased is missing. Task 4: To emotionally relocate the deceased and Task 4: To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life. move on with life.

Making the most of crisisMaking the most of crisis

As Jaspers put it crisis is a limit situation, where As Jaspers put it crisis is a limit situation, where everything is in question, everything is in flux. everything is in question, everything is in flux. Everything is split, everything is in opposites. Everything is split, everything is in opposites.

As Master Eckhart said; if you want the kernel you As Master Eckhart said; if you want the kernel you must break the shell. Crisis is when our shell is must break the shell. Crisis is when our shell is broken and we can show what is inside of us. broken and we can show what is inside of us.

What we need is lots of courage and stamina. What we need is lots of courage and stamina. Resilience runs out without refuelling….Resilience runs out without refuelling….

The Look of the Other : adding The Look of the Other : adding insult to injury.insult to injury.

The Other The Other looks looks at me and as such he at me and as such he holds the secret of my being, he knows holds the secret of my being, he knows what I what I amam. Thus the profound meaning of . Thus the profound meaning of my being is outside of me, imprisoned in my being is outside of me, imprisoned in an absence. The Other has the advantage an absence. The Other has the advantage over me. (Sartre, Being and over me. (Sartre, Being and Nothingness:363) Nothingness:363)

This becomes so the more true as we are This becomes so the more true as we are excluded and maligned by others. excluded and maligned by others.

Competitive Competitive relationshipsrelationships

Domination: sadism.Domination: sadism. Submission: masochism.Submission: masochism. Withdrawal: indifference.Withdrawal: indifference.

Sartre’s later theory of human Sartre’s later theory of human relations.relations.

We move from seriality to reciprocity. We move from seriality to reciprocity. From being like the practico-inert to being a From being like the practico-inert to being a

project. project. From competitive relationships of sadism, From competitive relationships of sadism,

masochism and indifference,masochism and indifference,to cooperative relationships to cooperative relationships of reciprocity, generosity, of reciprocity, generosity, collaboration and engagement. collaboration and engagement.

(Critique for a Dialectical Reason.)(Critique for a Dialectical Reason.)

that the Other be a means to the exact degree that I am a means myself

that I recognize the Other as praxis

that I recognize his movement toward his own ends in the

very movement by which I project myself toward mine

that I discover myself as an object and instrument of his ends by the same act which makes him an object and

instrument of mine

(Sartre : Search for a Method)

Going forwards :The other as Going forwards :The other as praxispraxis

Cooperative Cooperative relationshipsrelationships

Mutuality: reciprocity-equality.Mutuality: reciprocity-equality. Generosity: giving of oneself.Generosity: giving of oneself. Collaboration: working together.Collaboration: working together.

What helps?What helps? Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.

They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…) survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…)

The conflict has to be put to good use. The conflict has to be put to good use.

There has to be a safe place one can retreat to. There has to be a safe place one can retreat to.

It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.

It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a building block of it. building block of it.

If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure and bad character: making it meaningful. and bad character: making it meaningful.

ClosureClosure

Revenge, retaliation, forgiveness.Revenge, retaliation, forgiveness. Generosity, respect, justice. Generosity, respect, justice. Understanding, meaning, comprehension.Understanding, meaning, comprehension. Reparation, recognition, restitution.Reparation, recognition, restitution. Transcendance and purpose. Transcendance and purpose. Jaspers: Only transcendance can make this Jaspers: Only transcendance can make this

questionable life good, the world beautiful and questionable life good, the world beautiful and existence itself a fulfilment. (1954:126)existence itself a fulfilment. (1954:126)

The wounded healerThe wounded healer

Chiron’s story: the centaur, twice wounded, Chiron’s story: the centaur, twice wounded, son of Chronos and Philyra.son of Chronos and Philyra.

Abandoned, then adopted by Apollo.Abandoned, then adopted by Apollo. Wounded by his pupil Hercules. Wounded by his pupil Hercules. Exchange with Prometheus.Exchange with Prometheus. Tartarus, giving up pain and immortality. Tartarus, giving up pain and immortality.

How to survive the trauma?How to survive the trauma? Inner coherence and integrity: knowing why you did what you Inner coherence and integrity: knowing why you did what you

did and being able to be proud of it and stand by it: no regrets. did and being able to be proud of it and stand by it: no regrets. Community with others: continuity of respect and Community with others: continuity of respect and

understanding, a platform to speak from. understanding, a platform to speak from. Love and a sense of greater meaning to life than the events Love and a sense of greater meaning to life than the events

come to destroy you.come to destroy you. Work and the intention of standing the pain and drawing on it. Work and the intention of standing the pain and drawing on it. Recognizing it makes one a better person. Recognizing it makes one a better person. Hope of setting the record straight one day and trusting time: Hope of setting the record straight one day and trusting time:

belief in the slow force of justice. belief in the slow force of justice. Finding ultimate meaning and purpose.Finding ultimate meaning and purpose.

Simone de Beauvoir (08-86): Simone de Beauvoir (08-86): an ethics of ambiguity. an ethics of ambiguity.

Life is preoccupied in both perpetuating itself Life is preoccupied in both perpetuating itself and in transcending itself. If all it does is to and in transcending itself. If all it does is to maintain itself than life is only not dying. maintain itself than life is only not dying.

I wish that every human life might be pure I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom. transparent freedom.

It is not in giving life but in risking life that It is not in giving life but in risking life that man is raised above the animal.man is raised above the animal.

(Le deuxieme sexe(Le deuxieme sexe))

Four dimensions of life.Four dimensions of life.

4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt

2.Personal: Eigenwelt

1.Spiritual: Uberwelt

Spiritual:Good/Evil

Intuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Worldview/Ideas.

Personal:Strength/Weakness

Thoughts, memories, identity, freedom.Selfhood/Me.

Social:Love/Hate

Feelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement.Communication/Others.

Physical:

Life/DeathSensations, actions, environment, body, things.

Survival/World.

Dimensions of existenceDimensions of existence

Spiritual:Integrate what has happened in world view

Improve rather than give up values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Stick with what is true.

Personal:Allow the event to strengthen your character

Express thoughts and memories. Regain a sense of freedom in relation to adversity.Learn to yield as well as be resolute.

Social:Seek to go beyond hateful and destructive relations by isolation and avoidance till

Reconciliation is possible. Seek belonging with like minded allies.Communicate your emotions without reproach, resentment, bitterness.

Physical:

Seek safety when under threat. Trust and heed sensations of stress. Find natural environment that can soothe as

well as expand your horizons.

OVERCOMING TRAUMAOVERCOMING TRAUMA

Four dimensions and traumaFour dimensions and trauma

Physical: how do we manage our physical Physical: how do we manage our physical space?space?

Social: how do we relate to other people?Social: how do we relate to other people? Personal: how do we define ourselves?Personal: how do we define ourselves? Spiritual: what are the values we adhere to?Spiritual: what are the values we adhere to?

Making new connectionsMaking new connections Umwelt: understand physical context and Umwelt: understand physical context and

embodiment: person’s relation to the world around embodiment: person’s relation to the world around them. them.

Mitwelt: describe and take into account the social, Mitwelt: describe and take into account the social, cultural and political dimension of the client’s life. cultural and political dimension of the client’s life.

Eigenwelt: read and understand the text of the Eigenwelt: read and understand the text of the client’s life, find the narrative point of gravity. Who client’s life, find the narrative point of gravity. Who do they think they are?do they think they are?

Uberwelt: recognize worldview and values: what is Uberwelt: recognize worldview and values: what is the purpose of the person’s life?the purpose of the person’s life?

Finding a way forwardFinding a way forward

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London:Success Unlimited 1998.London:Success Unlimited 1998. Randall P. (1997) Randall P. (1997) Adult bullying:perpetrators and victimsAdult bullying:perpetrators and victims, London:Routledge. , London:Routledge. Sapolsky Robert M (1998) Sapolsky Robert M (1998) Why zebras don’t get ulcers: an updated guide to stress, Why zebras don’t get ulcers: an updated guide to stress,

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DesiresDesires FearsFears

PhysicalPhysical LifeLife

pleasurepleasure

DeathDeath

painpain

SocialSocial LoveLove

belongingbelonging

HateHate

isolationisolation

PersonalPersonal IdentityIdentity

integrityintegrity

FreedomFreedom

disintegrationdisintegration

SpiritualSpiritual GoodGood

purposepurpose

EvilEvil

futilityfutility

Dimensions and Tensions of Human ExistenceDimensions and Tensions of Human Existence