FACT OR FICTION: CAN KIDS BE ANYTHING THEY WANT TO BE?

―You cannot be anything you want to be — but you can be a lot more of who you

already are.‖ Tom Rath writes this statement in his bestselling book, StrengthsFinder

2.0, first published by Gallop in 1997.

I’m down with that statement.

Believe me, as a kid I would have loved to have been the world’s youngest

Wimbledon champion, a prestigious lawyer, or Cher, but hey, none of these

outcomes was remotely in my future.

So often kids hear the phrase, ―you can do anything you want to do, be anything you

want to be.‖ But it’s just not true. In fact, my experience working with kids is that this

is exactly the kind of thinking that further entrenches them in unrealistic dreams that

take them away from one of the important tasks of growing up; discovering their

strengths and their weaknesses.

Kids need to discover what they’re actually good at–their talents, and then develop

those talents into strengths that give them a sense of purpose, energy and

fulfillment.

Don’t get me wrong, I think dreaming is a good thing for all of us. Our dreams can

inspire us to strive for whatever it is we dream of accomplishing; to go for it. But

there is a balance that needs to be struck between dreaming and flat out fantasy. A

dream that is totally incongruous with a kid’s talents can die a long, slow and painful

death, leaving that kid feeling discouraged, depressed and adrift.

The sweet spot is when kids are actually able to align their talents with their dreams

so they can begin to experience energized, purposeful movement and success.

This is not to say that kids don’t stall and start here and there, or that they need to

figure out their talents exactly before they hit adulthood. Many of us don’t really

discover our talents until later in life. But kids do need to be on the lookout for what

they’re naturally good at in life, so they can make informed choices about how they

are going to spend their time and energy. This self-knowledge will also help them to

establish more realistic and achievable goals for themselves.

It’s important to mention that just because a kid doesn’t have a natural talent in, say,

hockey, doesn’t mean she can’t play hockey and enjoy it! But what it does mean is

that the dream of becoming an Olympic hockey player may not be the one she wants

to invest all her time and energy; especially if it comes at the expense of the natural

talent she has mentoring little boys and girls in her school reading program (which

could lead her to create reading programs for kids as an adult).

The discovery of one’s weakness is also critical. While I am a proponent of the

strengths-based culture that we’re now living in, I think it’s important we don’t

underestimate the value of weakness. Weakness teaches us about ourselves; like

humility. Our weaknesses also have the potential to teach us how to lose gracefully,

how to persevere, to appreciate what we can do well, to laugh at ourselves in good

fun, and to experience the joy of doing something—even when we don’t do it well.

They throw our strengths into relief.

So, three cheers for our weaknesses, but if I have to choose where I really want to

spend my time, energy, focus and attention, strengths wins hands-down.