fairly oddparents 394 - "fairly oldparent pt. 2"
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Storyboarded by Jim MortensenTRANSCRIPT
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EXT. - TURNER HOUSEHOLD
(SFX: WANDA MAKING ANXIOUS NOISES)
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Wanda is anxiously chewing on a pillow.
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WANDAThis is terrible, Timmy! --
-- We’ve gotta gure out some way to get Poof away from Mrs. Crocker --
-- and bring him back home.
TIMMYDon’t worry, Wanda. --
-- I’ve got a plan. --
-- We’re gonna get Mrs. Crocker to break Da Rules. --
-- And when it comes to breaking rules, --
-- I’m an expert!
WANDAOoh, I love to break rules! --
-- Don’t tell anyone --
-- but I once parked in a loading zone --
-- with nothing to load.
TIMMYWow. Wanda, that’s not exactly --
WANDAAnd one time I left a 14 percent tip at a restaurant. --
-- And that was right after --
-- I snuck my own popcorn into a movie theater.
TIMMYOkay, Wanda, I get it.
-- You’re a rebel. --
-- You’re a rebel. --
-- You’re a rebel. --
-- Listen. --
-- One of Da Rules is you can’t cheat. --
-- Mrs. Crocker plays bingo every day. --
-- If we can get her to use magic to win, --
-- she’ll lose Poof. --
-- Now here’s the plan.
(TIMMY WHISPERS)
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EXT. - SCHOOL REPURPOSED AS BINGO HALL.
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INT. - SCHOOL CAFETERIA (BINGO HALL)
(POOF BREATHING HEAVILY)
MRS. CROCKERPoof, --
-- it’s great having you at bingo with me. --
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-- With you here I can wish for anything I need. --
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-- Like a yummy liverwurst sandwich.
POOF (exhausted)Poof poof.
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A stinky liverwurst sandwich appears!
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(SFX: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!)
(SFX: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!)
Stinky crumbs fall into Poof.
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(POOF GAGS)
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MRS. CROCKERThat’s delicious! --
-- I’ll just save the rest for later.
MRS. CROCKER puts the sandwich in Poof.
POOF nearly vomits.
MRS. CROCKER (CONT’D) Now I could use some bunion cream, --
-- a donut cushion for my tushy, --
-- and one of those fancy electric nose trimmers.
MRS. CROCKER’S foot came in.
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Bunion cream!
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Donut cushion!
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Noisehairs!
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(SFX: WEEDWHACKER SOUNDS)
(SFX: WEEDWHACKER SOUNDS)
MRS. CROCKER (CONT’D)You’re a life saver!
(SFX: WEEDWHACKER SOUNDS)
(SFX: WEEDWHACKER SOUNDS)
(POOF ANTICS A SNEEZE)
(POOF SNEEZES OUT THE SANDWICH & HAIR)
(POOF SIGHS AND GROANS)
(O.S., SUGG) OLD WOMANGod bless you.
Timmy and Wanda dressed as old women.
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Timmy winks.
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MRS. CROCKER (CONT’D) Hello, ladies.
-- I’ve never seen you before. --
-- Are you new to bingo?
WANDAOh I’ve been playing bingo for about --
-- fty thousand --
Timmy elbows Wanda.
WANDA (CONT’D)I mean, fty years. --
-- Watch the elbow, Bernice.
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TIMMY (normal voice)So --
-- how long does this bingo thing last? --
-- I’ve got a soccer game this afternoon --
Wanda elbows Timmy.
TIMMY (CONT’D) (old lady voice)Did I say soccer game? --
-- I meant --
-- hip replacement surgery.
MRS. CROCKERWell you’re here on a good day. --
-- First prize is --
-- new tennis balls for your walker.
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WANDAIf you want to win, --
-- you should do what I do. --
-- You know, cheat! --
-- That’s what I do all the time. --
-- I’m a big fat cheater!
SECURITY GUARD (O.S.)You’re not cheating in here, honey.
144 SECURITY GUARDYou’re not cheating in here, honey.
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GUARD (SUGG)Taze ‘er, Dano.
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(SFX: JAIL BARS CLINKING DOWN)
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TIMMYBingo jail. --
-- Who knew?
OLD LADY (loud)Gladys dug a tunnel! --
-- We’re busting out at midnight!
TIMMYYou might want to whisper that.
OLD LADY (loud)I thought I was! --
-- I lost my hearing aid in a rumble in the mess hall.
JAILERYou two are free to go. --
-- You were bailed out by a grilled cheese sandwich.
-- You were bailed out by a grilled cheese sandwich.
-- You were bailed out by a grilled cheese sandwich.
-- You were bailed out by a grilled cheese sandwich.
SPARKY (SUGG)SANDWICH!
EXT. - CROCKER’S HOUSE
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TIMMYWanda, --
-- we need to nd a new way to get Mrs. Crocker to break Da Rules. --
-- I know! --
-- We’ll get her to break the biggest rule ever.
WANDAGet her to leave a 14 percent tip?
TIMMYNo... --
-- Let’s get her to tell someone she has a fairy. --
-- And I know just how to do it.
POOF IS MAGICALLY PAINTING TOENAILS.
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(SFX: DOORBELL RING)
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TIMMYHello, --
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--we are government census takers. --
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-- We’re here to nd out how many men, women and fairies are living in your house.
-- We’re here to nd out how many men, women and fairies are living in your house.
MRS. CROCKEROne woman and one humped back man --
-- and that’s it. --
-- Thank you.
-- Thank you.
-- Thank you.
WANDAAre you sure? --
WANDAAre you sure? --
-- It’s okay to tell us any secrets you’re keeping.
TIMMYYou can trust us. --
-- We’re the government.
WANDACome on. --
-- Everybody has secrets. --
-- For example, --
-- my husband’s a grilled cheese sandwich.
MRS. CROCKERPlease go away. --
-- I have a lot of wishing to do. --
-- I mean, --
-- hip replacement surgery.
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TIMMY (sarcastic)Nice going, Wanda. --
-- You were more believable as Bernice.
WANDA You were Bernice!
MRS. CROCKER (O.S.) Wake up, Poof. --
-- You have a lot of wishes to grant! --
-- You have a lot of wishes to grant! --
-- Here’s my new list.
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POOF sighs.
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(SFX: “SEXUAL HEALING” PLAYS)
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Jorgen’s swim trunks oat to the surface.
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JORGENSeriously, old woman. --
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-- I will poof up a restraining order right now!
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MRS. CROCKER SIGHS.
TIMMYWe need another plan, Wanda. --
-- Wanda?
(SFX: WANDA GROWLING)
TIMMY(whisper shout) WANDA!
WANDAI’m taking her out, Timmy!
TIMMYI’m not going back to jail with you! --
-- Now get out here!
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(WANDA MAKES DISAPPOINTED NOISES)
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TIMMY (CONT’D)I’ve been thinking, Wanda. --
People get fairy godparents because they’re unhappy. --
-- All we have to do is nd out what’s making Mrs. Crocker sad and x it. --
-- Then Poof will be free to go.
WANDAThat’s a great idea, Timmy, --
-- but how are we ever gonna gure out what makes her unhappy?
CROCKERI’m home, --
-- you old bat!
MRS. CROCKERDenzel, are you hungry? --
-- I was just about to make --
CROCKERYourself scarce? --
-- The scarcer the better! --
-- Now if you need me for anything... --
-- DON’T!
MRS. CROCKER tears up.
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(MRS. CROCKER CRYING)
(MRS. CROCKER CRYING)
TIMMYThat’s it, Wanda! --
-- Mr. Crocker is the source of Mrs. Crocker’s unhappiness. --
-- He’s the reason she got a fairy. --
-- If we get rid of him, --
-- Poof can come home.
CROCKER Timmy Turner?
TIMMYUh, Mr. Crocker, --
-- what brings you here?
-- what brings you here?
-- what brings you here?
CROCKERIt’s my house!
TIMMYOkay, enough small talk. --
-- I was thinking if you hate your mother so much, --
-- you should just leave home. --
-- I took the liberty of packing a bag for you.
-- I took the liberty of packing a bag for you.
-- I took the liberty of packing a bag for you.
CROCKERThat’s mighty thoughtful of you, Turner. --
CROCKERThat’s mighty thoughtful of you, Turner. --
-- And a little bit creepy. --
-- I like it!
CROCKER (CONT’D)By the way, what are you doing in my --
CROCKER (CONT’D)By the way, what are you doing in my --
CROCKER (CONT’D)By the way, what are you doing in my --
CROCKER (CONT’D)By the way, what are you doing in my --
WANDA slams the door shut.
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CROCKER (O.S.)I have to go to the bathroom.
(SFX: POOF!)
CROCKER (O.S.)Never mind! A toilet just appeared on the lawn.
TIMMYAlright! Mr. Crocker’s gone. --
-- Which means Mrs. Crocker is gonna be happy now.
MRS. CROCKERDenzel, --
-- did you leave a bear trap in my room again?
-- did you leave a bear trap in my room again?
-- did you leave a bear trap in my room again?
TIMMYHe’s not here, Mrs. Crocker. --
-- In fact, --
-- I don’t think he’s coming back.
-- I don’t think he’s coming back.
-- I don’t think he’s coming back.
MRS. CROCKER Timmy Turner?
TIMMYUh, Mrs. Crocker. --
-- What brings you here?
MRS. CROCKER It’s my house!
TIMMYLook, --
-- Mr. Crocker asked me to tell you that he’s gone forever. --
-- Isn’t that --
-- the best news you’ve ever heard?
MRS. CROCKERWhat?! --
-- No! --
-- That’s the worst news I’ve ever heard! --
-- <SOBS>. --
-- <SOBS>. --
-- Why?
TIMMYI don’t understand. --
-- I thought Mr. Crocker made you miserable.
MRS. CROCKER Miserable? --
-- He’s my son and I love him. --
-- I’m just sad because he doesn’t love me back.
CROCKERWhat are you talking about, mother?
TIMMYMr. Crocker, --
-- why’d you come back?
CROCKERI needed to wash my hands. --
-- And there’s no lawn sink. --
-- Now --
-- what’s all this --
-- about me not loving you?
MRS. CROCKERWell you don’t! --
-- At least you never say you do!
(SOBS)
-- Of course --
-- I love you, --
-- you deranged lunatic! --
-- You’re my mommy!
MRS. CROCKER Oh Denzel!
They hug.
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CROCKEREnough, mother. --
-- You’re getting denture cream on my shirt.
MRS. CROCKERYou’ve made me the happiest woman on Earth!
CROCKERCome on! I’ll buy you an ice cream. --
-- Your treat! --
-- And you’re paying for gas!
MRS. CROCKER Oh, Denzel!
TIMMYUh... what just happened?
JORGEN poofs into the hot tub.
JORGENI’ll tell you what happened. --
-- As creepy and unbelievable as it sounds, --
-- she actually wanted to spend time with Mr. Crocker. --
-- And now that she’s no longer miserable, --
-- she doesn’t need a fairy. --
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-- Poof, --
-- you can go home.
POOF (happy)Poof poof!
WANDAOoooooooh, --
-- I have my baby back! --
-- Let’s go nd your father so we can go out to dinner and celebrate.
SANDWICH poofs in.
JORGEN Ooh, a sandwich!
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CHOMP CHOMP!
(SFX: CHOMP CHOMP)
WANDAJorgen, that was Cosmo!
COSMO poofs in.
COSMONo, Wanda. --
-- The sandwich was a decoy. --
-- I got tired of people trying to eat me --
-- so I cleverly disguised myself as a delicious dog bone.
SPARKY Ooh! --
-- Dog bone!
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EXT. - TURNER HOUSEHOLD
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TIMMY dribbles POOF.
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TIMMYPoof --
-- it’s so good to have you back home!
TIMMY SHOOTS...
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... he scores!
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POOF Poof poof!
JORGEN poofs in.
JORGENPoof, --
-- here’s your pay --
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-- for being a fairy godparent.
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TIMMYWait a minute. --
-- You guys get paid for being godparents?
WANDAOf course not, Timmy. --
-- Spending time with you is all the pay we need. --
-- I assume my money is being directly wired to my offshore account as usual? --
COSMOWait --
-- a minute. --
-- What about my money?
WANDAActually, --
-- we have to pay them --
-- for you to be a godparent.
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COSMOAnd I’m worth every penny of it.
WANDALet’s celebrate us being back together --
-- with a fun night at Bingo!
TIMMYThey banned us there. --
-- Remember, Wanda? --
-- They’ll never let us back in.
WANDAI’ll sneak us in, Timmy. --
WANDAI’ll sneak us in, Timmy. --
WANDAI’ll sneak us in, Timmy. --
WANDA poofs up her old woman costume.
WANDAI’ll sneak us in, Timmy. --
-- I’m a rebel, remember?
(SFX: JAIL BARS SLAMMING SHUT)
TIMMYYou had to park in the loading zone, didn’t you, Bernice?
WANDAYou’re Bernice! --
-- Don’t worry, guys. --
-- Word has it that Gladys is breaking us out tonight. --
-- How’s that tunnel coming, --
-- Gladys?
GLADYSPretty good. --
-- I just gotta pick up my shovel so I can start digging.
GLADYS reaches down...
GLADYS’ back breaks.
(SFX: CRACK!)
GLADYS Oh, my back!
GLADYS falls over.
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COSMO I got this.
COSMO poofs away the bars.
COSMO (CONT'D)What do you say we blow this taco stand? --
-- Ooh, --
-- speaking of which, --
-- Poof, make me a taco.
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SPARKYTaco!
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(SFX: MUNCHING NOISES)
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(SFX: MUNCHING NOISES)
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(SFX: MUNCHING NOISES)
COSMOAh! I’m gonna need that piece back!
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