fall 2014 q

2 • Q BRAZORIA COUNTY’S SIGNATURE MAGAZINE • Fall 2014

T he content in this Fall Q is touching, poignant and even a bit gritty. And, man, it will make you

hungry.We have three food features in this issue. One spotlights

the best local shrimp, as picked by our readers, and another introduces Gaye Linford and The Local, a quinticentially Lake Jackson eatery in the smack-dab center of town.

The third is written by reporter Sara Benner, who developed gluten-free recipes especially for Q readers. Don’t have a gluten intolerance? You’ll love them anyway. Trust me. The stuff she turned out of the test kitchen was great, and I never met a glute I didn’t like.

Wait a minute. That didn’t sound right ...We must have been hungry when we planned for this

issue, because even the cover story — on the Center’s Madrigal Feast, ties in to stuffing our faces. At least that event is in the name of Shakespeare.

On a serious note, parenting columnist Jenny Kier gives us some very personal insight into postpartum depression that will help identify sufferers and will give new mothers support.

Another group of moms also is giving plenty of support at Brazosport High School. The football coaches’ wives work together to help their husbands with the most important part of their job — growing young men. Jonathan Sublet tells that story.

And my favorite part of this issue: Roller Derby! It might have been the most fun Out of My Way assignment so far, and that really says something, because I have had a lot of fun in the name of Q mag.

Of course, we have all the usual favorites, too, from regular columnists Jenn Culverhouse on style and trends, John Lowman on the perils of online dating and James Glover on what happened after San Jacinto.

Hope you enjoy reading it all. Happy Fall! QYvonne Mintz

welcome

Q magazine is a quarterly publication of The Facts newspaper

Contact us at 979-237-0100 or

email [email protected]

AdvertiseContact Facts Advertising

Director Cindy Cornette at

979-237-0122 or [email protected].

PublisherBill Cornwell

EditorYvonne Mintz

DesignMichael Morris

WritersYvonne MintzIan GoodrumSara Benner

Andy Packard

PhotosSarah Rencurrell

ContributorsJennifer

CulverhouseJames Glover

Jenny KierJonathan SubletJohn Lowman

Vol. 2, No. 4All material herein c. 2014, Southern

Newspapers Inc., dba The Brazosport Facts.

720 S. Main St., Clute, TX 77531

All rights reserved.

Contents

Departments

COVER STORY 4More than a meal, the Elizabethan Madrigal Feast is a unique evening out in Brazoria County.

Roll with it 10Roller derby is more than a sport for women who a drawn to it from all walks of life.

Plum Local 36The story behind the simply named downtown Lake Jackson restaurant is as fantastic as its food.

The best around 28Where do Q readers recommend locals and visitors head for the best shrimp dishes?

Out of My Way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18Jonathan Sublet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24Your Best Shots . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34Chef’s Table . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38Jenny Kier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46John Lowman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54Jenn’s Faves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56Where Texas Began . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58End Quotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Plenty of good things to feast on this issue

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WILD SIDELOCAL Roller queens SASSY and TOUGH

STORY BY SARA BENNER

PHOTOS BY SARAH RENCURREL

Bayside Bombshells jammer Lindsey “BangHerRang”

Verm, center, tries to break away from the pack during the game against Lone

Star Cowgirls at Alvin Skate-N-Party.


I n the movie “Whip It,” an indie-rock loving misfit

from a small town finds her independence when

she joins an Austin roller derby league.

The women in the movie are hilarious, sassy and

glide around the track like they were born to do it.

On a visit to Alvin Skate-N-Party with The Texas

Outlaws, one of the Houston-area’s only banked-track

teams, it became clear real roller derby isn’t scripted.

Jammer Lindsey “BangHerRang” Verm of the Bayside Bombshells attenots to pass Cindy “Queen B*tch” Miller of the Lone Star Cowboys at Alvin Skate-N-Party.

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R oller derby actually is more like playing football on wheels — a total-body and mind workout where it’s absolutely okay to fall down. It’s encouraged, even.

Cindy “Queen B*tch” Miller founded the Texas Outlaws league two years ago, after she decided she wanted to make a league for the skaters. Cindy is a lean 40-something with bleach-blonde hair and pink highlights. Her eyes light up when she teaches “fresh meat,” or wannabe roller girls, how to fall almost face-first without injury.

“I wanted something focused more on the skaters and less selfish,” Cindy said. She started skating seven years ago. When she told her husband she planned to join a league, he thought she was crazy. And maybe she is.

Cindy regularly plays pivot, a leader position in the pack, or team, of three other women. These women work together to block the opposing team’s jammer —

whose goal is to lap the pack to score points — and help their jammer break through the other team’s blockers.

Cindy was the first player to launch an attack and knock down the jammer during their Sept. 28 game. Strapped in her protective gear, as she hooked a sharp

turn around the first turn of the track, her eyes zoned in on the opposing team’s jammer like a missile homing in on its target. A deft dip at the knees, she threw her weight into the jammer, knocking her out of her way.

The cheerful and support-ive coach was gone. On the track, she’s tough, and

she doesn’t hesitate to put other girls out.“That’s one of the things that I love about roller derby,”

Holly “Ballz” Napoli, a skater with one of the league’s four teams and mother of four, said before the game. “During the day we’re all buttoned up and professional, but at night we become wild women.”

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professional, but at night

we become wild women.”


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T he Texas Outlaws has about 30 women who regularly practice with them on

Tuesday and Thursday nights. They come from all walks of life: some are teachers, nurses, or petrochemical engineers. Some are mothers and others are just kicking around life.

Once these women pass a skills test, they are drafted onto one of the four teams within the league: the Lone Star Cowgirls, the Bayside Bombshells, Homicidal Housewives, or Las Diablas.

“Roller derby is like my second family,” Holly said. “They’re never mad at me and they’re there when you need them.”

Another thing important to Holly: nobody made fun of her when she started.

Holly said her mom did roller derby in high school for a few years and is one of her biggest role models.

Since she started coming to practice five months ago, Holly has only missed two practices, and she has lost about 15 pounds.

“I think the biggest thing for me is the stress release,” she said. “I can be sick as a dog and I want to go to roller derby because it makes me feel good.”

Both of her daughters are enrolled in the Texas Outlaws junior derby league, which started up a few months ago. Holly said she hopes that when her daughters turn 18, they will play on a team with her, like mother/daughter duo “Dreaming Demon” and “Demon Spawn,” who take to the track together.

Bayside Bombshells member Barbara “Skate Charmer” Roberts (74) blocks

for her team’s jammer during the game against the Lone Star Cowgirls.


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T raining and games aside, big things are in the works for the league. Though

the league plays using banked track rules, which make for a fast-paced game, they play on a flat skating rink.

Cindy said the league is saving up to renovate “Grandma,” a banked track made of masonite, recently acquired from the Hurricane Alley Roller Derby in Corpus Christi. In the next year, she says they plan on leasing their own building, where they can keep the track and play.

To build a track like this one would cost almost $100,000.

Cindy said the league

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survives on monthly member-ship dues of $50 per player, and ticket sales from games, which are usually on the last Sunday of the month. They are saving up money to add rails and repair some of the wood on Grandma, Cindy said.

The track features signatures from skaters injured playing on it in the past.

One reads, “to hell with you Grandma, from wherever you came.”

So yes, the women who play this sport are big and tough, but they’re also kind and endearing. They do sail around the track like wheeled acrobats but, as Amanda “Hermione Painger” Henigan said, everyone starts out the same: unsteadily, before they earn their sea legs. Q

Crystal “Dream N Demon” DeVasier of the Lone Star Cowgirls blocks Bayside Bombshells

Jammer Jennifer “Pretty Poison” Alfaro.


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INJURIESLike any other

contact sport, there’s always a risk for injury. Most common injuries in roller derby are sprains, particularly in the knees and ankles, as well as pulled muscles. Learning how to fall forward onto your pads is usually one of the first things fresh meat players learn.

DERBY REALITY CHECKWHAT IT TAKES

Protective gear is like second skin to players. The league lends gear to people wanting to try derby. Once fresh meat decide the loaner gear is beyond their stench threshold, they need to buy a helmet, wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads, a mouth guard and, of course, a pair of skates.

Many women in the league prefer 187 Killer Pads or Triple 8 brand gear to get started.

Depending on your budget, a decent set of gear will run about $300.

After the first three practices, which are free with the league, $50 monthly dues are payable to the league. For every ticket you sell to the game as a league member, $3 will be reimbursed.

OPEN MINDEDNESSMembers agree the biggest thing a newcomer needs

to bring to the table when joining a team is open mindedness. Your body is always stronger than you think it is, and new skaters learn how to do things they never thought they could do.

“It’s something that if you want to do it, you can do it,” Cindy said.

Don’t overthink it and don’t be afraid. Fear will hold you back from achieving the potential you’ve always had.


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The rewards of roller derby extend beyond

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STORY BY YVONNE MINTZ

PHOTOS BY SARAH RENCURREL

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S trapping on the pads and stand-ing wobbly legged in skates was a big enough challenge. Once

I had made it around the rink a few times, building up speed and getting into a groove, I thought, “Oh, I’ve got this.”

I hadn’t skated since junior high, maybe, and it was the 364th day of my 39th year on Earth when I rolled onto the floor with the Texas Outlaws for roller derby practice.

Learning to fall, on one knee, then both, face-down and then into a baseball slide, made me feel pretty adventurous.

It wouldn’t take an hour for me to laugh at how naive that was. The adventure hadn’t even begun.

I followed the lead of Queen B*tch, the perfectly appropriate derby name of the group’s leader — when that word is used as a compliment. Sometimes it is, you know, kind of a badge of honor for women who would rather

be called names than be thought of as weak, or worse, not thought of at all.

Queen, as the derby girls call her for short, is the kind of woman who won’t be forgot-ten. Tough as hell, kind, welcoming and empowering of other women — it’s hard not to like her, even when she’s barking orders and blowing a whistle asking

“fresh meat” to do things that made us, well, me, want to crawl off the floor.

Center-floor stretches started as gab time with the derby girls. It’s when I heard about their “kisses” and shiners, the bruises they wear like

Players skate as a pack during practice at Alvin Skate-N-Party in Alvin. Below, stretching before practice is just the beginning of a sweat-drenching workout.


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RED SNAPPER INNmedals from bouts, some of them in places you really, I mean REALLY, don’t want to get nailed with a skate. They cussed freely, laughed a lot, almost made me blush at their stories and overall were some of the nicest, most real people I had met.

Gab time led to conditioning, though, and these women of all different sizes and fitness levels, ranging in age from 20s to 46-plus, turned into beasts.

It’s hard enough to be flat on your back, legs straight with feet about a foot in the air when you’re NOT wearing roller skates. Add those heavy suckers, and Oh Mama.

There were pushups, crunches and planks, drills that took us from skating as fast as we could to falling at the shrill pitch of a whistle and hitting the floor for pushups, then back up to skate again and down for sit-ups.

This was not my normal workout, but I loved it — in a heart pumping, crave-it, make-you-feel-alive kind of a way.

Then came the work as a team, even more out of my comfort zone. We skated in a pack, close enough to touch three people at all times.

We numbered off 1s, 2s and 3s, and Queen’s whistle led 1s to fall to the back of the pack, 2s to fall down in the middle of everyone and get up within three seconds, 3s to the front of the group, and so on.

“Fall, fall, fall! … Make room for her! … To the front! Hustle!”

More than once I kicked my foot to the rear to gain speed. Skating that close together, though, that heel off the ground was a literal stumbling block for others.

“I’m sorry!” I said.“It’s all good. You got this,” one voice from behind said.“You’re doing great.”Reporter Sara Benner already had practiced with them

a couple of times. She had told me what to expect, but I never could have anticipated the way they were there for each other and how absolutely kind, outgoing and

I was pretty well terrified … they’d spend the next stretch time showing off the “kisses”

they got when that idiot magazine lady mowed them all down.


supportive they all would be to me, the freshest of fresh meat.

The most obvious example of that support during prac-tice was in a drill where we skated in a straight line, arms touching the woman in front of you. The person in the back of the line zig-zagged between skaters in front of them, until they reached the front of the pack.

When it was my turn to zig-zag, I was pretty well terri-fied I would be the domino that took down every unfor-tunate soul in front of me. They’d spend the next stretch time showing off the “kisses” they got when that idiot magazine lady mowed them all down. That, or I would break my own ankle. Maybe both.

But their hands guided me,

sometimes shoving me in front of them, and to the side, and I made it.

Victory! The relief as I got to the front of the line almost made me forget the burning in my quads from crouching in skate position.

If it sounds a little like boot camp, it kind of is. In fact, Wendy Griffith, an adminis-trative assistant, joined three months ago after a Groupon purchase for a month of roller derby boot camp.

She had lost 50 pounds through diet changes and walking and was looking for a way to amp up her workout. She leaves derby practice drenched in sweat, and that is alright by her.

Wendy is still fresh meat, but now that she picked her derby name — Wreck-Her — she feels ready to be drafted.

Yvonne Mintz tries to master the one-knee fall as Cindy Miller

watches during the Texas Outlaws Roller Derby practice at Alvin

Skate-N-Party in Alvin.

Dropping to the floor mid-skate and having to do a perfect pushup is part of the drill.


September O’Neil, or “Holidae Harlot” on the rink, is a two-year derby vet and office manager from Lake Jackson who says she keeps coming back because the sport is great for anger management and cheaper than a psychiatrist.

The camaraderie of women drew Mae “Mae Hem” Petersen to the sport. The day I visited, she celebrated one year of participation, her “derbyver-sary,” she said. Before she joined, she could count her female friends on two fingers. Now she has dozens.

“It’s like a sorority, only better,” she said. “Because our hazing is done with enthusiastic consent.”

She was never a Girl Scout, Mae said, and had never experienced anything where women worked together for a common cause before she joined derby a year ago.

I was a Girl Scout, and in a sorority. And I can tell you that those things don’t compare to roller derby.

I’m pretty sure my Brownie leader would have fainted at the language, and my sorority sisters never tried to take each other out. Not literally anyway.

The group was prepping for a tournament in Corpus that weekend and blessedly needed the last third of their two-hour practice time to scrimmage and go over the rules for the style of play to be used there. So I got to watch the pushing and shoving part from the penalty box.

Doing something new and totally out of my way was a helluva way to close out a decade.

When I woke up the next morning, I would be 40, so maybe it was a “hear me roar” kind of a thing, or a “see what I can still do?”

(For the record, I only fell once, a spectacular spectacle that happened at the most mundane of times — when and I lost my balance trying to line up while everyone else stood still. Of course.)

Regardless, I left the rink grinning, ponytail drip-ping with sweat and trying to conjure up a roller

derby name.Sara, the

reporter on the story-turned roller derby recruit, picked Lois Slayne.

Mintz Smasher? Y-von the Terrorble? Eh, not quite.

Roller derby might not be a perfect fit for me long-term, but any woman who has wanted to try should do it.

Overweight, out of shape, never been on skates, regardless of the limitations

you think you have, don’t let fear keep you from trying.

It will be the most freeing, supportive, female-bond-ing workout you will ever have.

As I packed up my notebook and grabbed my keys, saying goodbyes and thank-yous, one woman hollered out that I had only gotten half the experi-ence at practice.

At 10:30 p.m. that Thursday, as I headed home to my family, the derby women were headed to the bar.

Sweat out your aggression, then hang out and decompress over drinks?

Yup, I could see how people love this sport. Q

Yvonne Mintz leads the pack during the Texas Outlaws Roller Derby practice at Alvin Skate-N-Party in Alvin.


Only the beginning

Ashley Rodriguez is still early in the book of life she is crafting

style eyes


T his issue of Q I wanted to interview someone in my life who I totally admire and who I anxiously watch to see what she becomes. I didn’t have

to think very long before I decided to ask one of my gals, Ashley Rodriguez, if she would be open to sit down with me and get kind personal.

We do that kind of stuff all the time, but I had to make sure she was cool with sharing with the rest of Brazoria County. ;)

I met Ashley five years ago, when she came to interview for an associate’s postion at our salon, UrbanEve. Tattoed and a little “rough around the edges,” something about her stood out and we decided pretty quickly we wanted her to

be a part of our team.Ashley is from the area. She grew

up in Jones Creek, the youngest of seven children, six of those boys. She graduated from Brazosport High School and went to Remington College. She has been a stylist and trainer at UrbanEve for five years, is an active volunteer for Family Life Church student ministry, and travels with our team to Cambodia every October.

She’s pretty awesome and I am so excited to tell her story.

Alright, let’s just jump into it. We can get to the fashion stuff in a minute. Tell me about a major marker in your journey.

A: Well, I was a junior at Brazosport High School and found out I was pregnant at 16 years old.

Whoa. That’s crucial. Graduating from high school, was that super important to you? I’m sure a baby senior year is not the easiest.

A: No one in my family had ever graduated from high school, and I promised my mom that I would graduate.

You were the only one to graduate out of seven kids? That’s crazy and awesome.

A: Yep … with a kid.

That says a lot, Ashley, just about your strength and determination. Very cool. I love that part of your story … you didn’t let anything stop you. So, when did this LOVE and knack for fashion develop for you?

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A: Growing up around six brothers, I was always a tomboy, until the 8th grade and my mom took me shop-ping. She told me it was time to start dressing like a girl….so, I guess from that point I started to get into the girly stuff. From that point on I got “best dressed” every year and even wore my Jessica Simpson heels to school every day!

Oh my gosh! That totally does NOT surprise me …hahaha! So, I’m guessing the love of doing hair came early, too?

A: Yes, I would actually draw out my hairstyle for the day on a piece of paper before I got ready.

WHAT? Now that is some-thing I have never heard before. LOVE it!

A: Yea, I would hide in my closet when my brothers were gone and would fix my Barbie doll’s hair. I would sit in there and do hair for hours.

That is so cute.A: As soon as I graduated high

school I had a friend take me to Remington College, and I regis-tered for cosmotology school.

Once again, your determina-tion steered you in the right direction. :) Tell me a little bit about yourself when you came to UrbanEve.

A: I was a single mom who was lost and trying to find myself. I was only 19 when I came to work. From 16-19 I just felt trapped and this was a new start for me. I was coming into a career and environment that was so foreign to anything I had ever known.

Tell me a little bit about the tattoos, just because they are such a huge part of you!

A: I started getting them at the age of 18. My first one was a portrait of my daughter. I really started getting a lot of my tattoos in a lost time in my life. I finally was on my own and I felt trapped in so many areas of my life. This was the one way I could express myself and feel like I had one area I could control.

I totally get that. Any tattoos you regret?A: My tramp stamp, hahaha, and my “forget you” tattoo.

Well, I think your tattoos are awesome. They

totally tell a story. So, as far as fashion goes, you are super trendy. I mean you have green and yellow hair and you totally pull it off! How would you describe your personal style?

A: Honestly, I really don’t have a “style”. I don’t like to blend in.

Obviously!A: I really love being the first to

wear something. I like to wear things no one else would want to wear. I like to push fashion and be different.

Well, you always look ador-able and so put together, even with that fabulous green hair. So, for us ladies in our almost 40s, any advice?

A: Well, there is always green clip-in hair extensions?

HA! For real though, what advice do you give the beauti-ful ladies who sit in your chair everyday?

A: Express yourself, whatever that looks like for YOU. Forget what other people think! Do what makes YOU feel beautiful. Just do it! Show people what awesome looks like and wear it with confidence.

Awhile back you told me, “Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.”

I love that quote. Something we should all remem-ber. What do feel the most comfortable in?

A: Black. I feel classy, hides my imperfections, you can dress it up or down, wear it with red lips.

My fave too. Nothing makes you feel classier that just all black with red lips and some awesome jewelry. Yep, I love black.

What is your most prized posession?A: My makeup! You will NEVER see me without it. I’m a

walking advertisement. I gotta always look GOOD!

YES! Nothing worse than walking into Target looking a hot mess and praying you don’t see any clients. So me too girl … gotta always be looking our best. ;)

What’s most important to you?

Ashley Rodriguez curls Lauren Rafter’s hair at Urban Eve in Lake Jackson.


A: I never thought big things were possible for me. So, it’s important to me to never stop. Never give up. Never go backward.

What advice would you give to your 15-year-old self?

A: I have “Purpose” tattooed on my thumb. I don’t know if I would change anything about what I have lived. I don’t think I would tell my 15-year-old self anything, just because I wouldn’t be where I am today without the choices I made.

Hmmmmm, even the struggle was a benefit because you learned from it. It made you who you are. I always think that the “valleys” are WAY more beneficial than the “highs.” You learn in the valley.

So … headed to Cambodia to train and teach rescued girls how to be hairstylists? Excited? How in the world did you get

hooked up doing that?A: CRAZY BOSSES! ;) It was some-

thing I never dreamed I would be doing. I get to go love on girls and inspire them to be more than they thought they could be.

J:How has traveling and teach-ing in Cambodia changed you?

A: I am so much more grateful. I look in my huge closet of clothes, the abundance of food, I have a car instead of walking, and my kids are safe.

Why do you keep going back?A: I want to be a part of change.

Who are you now?A: I’m completley different. I’m

stronger and confident. I believe in myself and I’ve proven I can do it.

So, we chat a lot about the “annoying noisy roommate in our head that tells us we are fat.” Every girl has one. what advice would you give to ladies

who have a noisy roommate too?A: You are stronger than you

believe. Things can’t be possible if you don’t try.

I just HAVE to ask. If you were an animal, what would you be?

A: (Rolls eyes at me)Jenn! OK, a swan. Wait … is a

swan ugly, then turns beautiful? OK, maybe an ugly ducking, because they are told they are something they are not.

OK, so how is that a good thing?

A: Because! … You prove them wrong! The ugly duckling becomes beautiful!

Ashley….you truly are one of my favorite people. I love your transpar-ency, openness and willingness to be the best you can be. You inspire me, and I love ya. Thanks for letting me chat and share your awesomeness.

XOXO, Jenn Q

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man up

aboutthe writerJohn Lowman is a freelance writer who lives in Lake Jackson. Contact him at [email protected].

here was a time not long ago a person could go out with friends, walk up to a complete stranger, ask them to dance and be

humiliated, all in the same place.These days, folks log onto a

website, click on pictures of strang-ers and are shot down in flames from 100 miles away. With dating websites marketed to everyone from bumbling farmers to amazingly attractive 20-somethings who love middle-aged minivan drivers, folks are bound to be a bit curious.

I’m no Casanova. More like a 70s Chevy Nova, but I’ve visited a few of those sites. Online dating can be as pleasant and attractive as sneezing and burping at the same time.

I met one woman who lived on the 20th floor of a downtown Houston high-rise, drove a Jaguar and wore 6-inch stiletto heels. Perfect. My father burst that bubble when, enumerating the income of

her part-time retail-clerk job against the cost of her lifestyle, he said, “She’s a hooker, son.”

Even he knows more about dating than I do, and he’s been married to mom since TV was invented.

Anyone single wishing to wade into the online world of catfishing should not be too intimidated by appearances, but they should know there’s more truth in a politician’s promise than on plentyoffish.com. People in dating site advertisements often look way better than the actual participants. Sometimes, not even the folks on the sites look like themselves.

I had dinner with a lady who, upon arrival, appeared to be the mother of the woman in her profile picture. When I mentioned that apparently minor detail, my chap-erone said, “It’s only about 10 years old. I haven’t changed that much.”

Yeah, you have.The average American woman is

tTruth be told, online daters short on honesty


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5-foot-4 and weighs 166.2 lbs, according to the Centers for Disease Control. The average man is 5-fot-9 and weighs 196 lbs. Since 1960, weights have increased by about 25 pounds. That’s since 1960, not since Monday.

Women have related other horror stories, from being licked across the back to fine dining at McDonald’s.

And regardless of gender, anyone married who signs up on a dating site is a special kind of toe fungus.

If you’re going to lie about something, make it your Native American heritage or how long your hair used to be, like people do in real life.

I also tried speed dating, which is like singles boot camp, complete with a guy ringing a bell to signal the end of each round. Who wouldn’t want to pack all the awkwardness and unpleasant surprises of 12 blind dates into one enchanted evening? That way, participants can be rejected by a dozen people in a public place and be confident in their decision to spend the rest of their lives in a one-room cabin in the woods.

One Prince Charming seemed to have it down, though. He dissed all 12 women by arriving just in time for the free pizza and Pepsi afterward. Many people have told me chivalry has no place in the modern world, and that may be true. Romeo with shag carpet chest hair actually ended up with a date.

Every now and then, the magic of “boy meets girl” makes it past the phalanx of volleyball-chested plastic surgery, cult members, mustaches (it’s barely noticeable) and “marry me” first dates and leads to someone perfect. But, without mutual friends to warn us what subjects to avoid, the entire second date becomes a run-on sentence about how their ex is lazy and drug-addicted, hates babies, apple pie and The National Anthem.

Take a lesson from Queen Elsa and Let it Go. If you must, acknowledge you have an ex and move on to a safer topic, like religion, politics or running over puppies. Dinner is expensive enough without one of us whining for two.

I’ve been stood up in front of a comedy club on a rainy New Year’s Eve and walked out on by a woman who was angry at me for singing. At a sing-along (don’t judge me).

I’ve even had a banker get so drunk she passed out on my shoulder on a bench outside a restaurant in down-town Dallas. Sitting there, drunken banker drool collect-ing on the right sleeve of my best Oxford, I began to long for the good ol’ days, when I could visit with friends and be humiliated at the same time.

Back then, it was almost a relief to be turned down.I never could dance very well, anyway. Q


Dropped a kid off

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how Texas began

aboutthe writerJames Glover was born in New Velasco and is a member of the Brazoria Militia, heads up the Texas Navy Day event at Surfside and holds an Admiral’s Commission in the Texas Navy.

E very Texas grade school student knows

about their state’s struggle for independence.

They are taught how the conflict grew from a minor confrontation over a near-use-less cannon into the siege of a major city and escalated into an invasion by an army of 6,000 soldiers who chased a rag-tag Texian Army almost into Louisiana. The climax of the story, of course, is an 18-minute battle on the swampy ground at San Jacinto which resulted in Texas becom-ing an independent republic.

General Sam Houston, commander of the Texan forces, became the first president of the new republic and spent the rest of his life in politics. Eventually, Texas would become the 28th state.

General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, president of the Republic of Mexico and commander of the defeated army, was shipped off to Washington, D.C., then returned to Mexico where he would twice more wear the laurels of leadership. The bulk of his army retreated back into Mexico. One comparatively small portion of Santa Anna’s army did not join their comrades on the long, weary march home. These were the men who fought at San Jacinto. Theirs is a different story.

Our story begins on April 13, 1836. Santa’s army has divided into four parts. One section of the army was left behind to occupy San Antonio; one section is marching along the coast to secure the seaports;

another is following a northern track toward Nacogdoches.

General Santa Anna is with the most numerous branch, commanded by General Vicente Filisola, now encamped at Old Fort (Richmond). With the army of about 2,000 men is a hoard of camp followers — families of the soldiers who travel along with the army because they have no means of support at home. The goal of this army is to chase the rebellious Texans out of the country, secure their northern frontier, and to capture or exterminate the Provisional Government of Texas.

Learning that the Provisional Government is running toward Galveston and possible escape to the United States, Santa Anna takes quick action. The Select Companies of six battal-ions — the elite, seasoned veterans of the Mexican army — are pulled from the ranks to assemble with Santa Anna’s

personal escort of cavalry and one cannon. This army of 600 men rushes toward Harrisburg to cut off and capture the fleeing government.

Reaching Harrisburg after a two-day forced march, Santa Anna enters the town at night with only 15 dragoons and an adjutant. However, he has just missed his quarry. The remainder of his forces are brought in to gather supplies from the town. One sergeant is seriously wounded by Texans firing from nearby woods. They leave Harrisburg in flames on the 17th of April. Santa Anna has already started for

Many captured soldiers stayed in Texas


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New Washington, on Galveston Bay.Noon of the 18th finds the little

army occupying New Washington with its well-stocked warehouse of flour, soap, tobacco and other stores — which are appropriated to the soldiers. One hundred cattle are driven in from the surrounding prairie to feed the troops. They rest in the town, waiting for news of either the fleeing government or of Houston’s Army.

Things begin to fall apart on the 20th. As the troops are leaving New Washington, having set fire to the warehouse and dwellings, they are alarmed to learn that their role has changed from hunter to quarry. An advance guard of Houston’s army came unexpectedly into the town, captured and dispatched some of the Mexicans at the rear of the column, and sent for reinforcements.

This quickly became a day of cat-and-mouse between the two

armies. They were numerically matched, with each having slightly less than 600 effective soldiers. Santa Anna worked to maneuver his forces onto favorable ground, while the Texans attempted to capture the Mexican cannon. Several small running engagements took place, extending until after dark.

Dawn on April 21 finds the Mexican army camped beside a small bayou near the San Jacinto River. A small defensive breastwork is thrown up facing a dense patch of woods that hides the enemy’s position. At 9 a.m., General Martin Perfecto de Cos arrives with 500 travel-weary troops. They slip off into the shade of a nearby grove to sleep after having marched through the night. All is quiet until late afternoon.

A bugle call at 4:30 p.m. gave warn-ing of the attack. It came swiftly. A single line of the Texas Army, flanked by cavalry and a pair of medium

cannon, swept upon the unprepared Mexican forces. Some officers were killed as they attempted to rally their men; others simply joined in the race to escape.

“In this disposition, yelling furiously, with a brisk fire of grape, muskets and rifles, they advanced resolutely upon our camp. There the utmost confu-sion prevailed,” reports Col. Delgado, aide to Santa Anna. “Then, already, I saw our men flying in small groups, terrified, and sheltering themselves behind large trees. I endeavored to force some of them to fight, but all efforts were in vain—the evil was beyond remedy; they were a bewil-dered and panic-stricken herd.”

The rout was complete. The fight was over within less than half an hour; the carnage continued until dark. Gabriel Nunez Ortega, another of Santa Anna’s officers, estimates the Mexican dead at 400. Most of the rest were taken prisoner, an effort


requiring four days. General Santa Anna was among the last of those captured.

The prisoners are held in the rear of the Texan camp. As they watch, their equipment and personal possessions are auctioned among the Texan army. Santa Anna, in an effort to appease his captors and avoid execution, issues orders for all Mexican troops to withdraw from Texas.

From April 21 until May 3, the prisoners remained near the battlefield where their comrades lay unburied. They slept in the mud with no shelter and little to eat, constantly exposed to the abnormally wet spring weather. Finally, they were moved to another location about three miles away, where they were kept in temporary shelters under a stand of trees. After four days, they were moved again.

The latest relocation took place aboard the steamboat Yellowstone, where most of the pris-oners remained for two days without food. On May 8, Santa Anna and part of his staff, including Ortega, were transferred to the armed schooner Independence and sent to Velasco. Delgado remained with the majority of prisoners who were held on Galveston Island, beginning on the following day.

“On the 9th, the officers were assigned a camp-ing ground — less than 50 square yards — where we remained until the middle of August,” relates

Delgado. “Our condition was infinitely worse on that accursed island, because we had no wholesome water, nor the shelter of shade trees, which we had enjoyed on our former camping grounds.”

Worse than all else were the mosquitoes.“Such were the swarms of mosquitoes,” Delgado

complained, “that it would seem that the whole species in the world had taken Galveston for a place of rendezvous.”

Food was better on the island. The Texas Navy had recently captured a Mexican supply ship; the cargo fed the Mexican prisoners for more than a month. Water was another matter. Galveston having neither springs nor streams, Delgado relates that they dug holes on the bay side of the island, which filled with semi-brackish water then used by prisoners and captives alike. The prisoners slept in tents and makeshift shelters while on the island. Some of the camp followers, who had been with them at Old Fort, began trickling into the camp.

As a compulsory labor force, the prisoners built sand-and-driftwood cannon emplacements on the east end of the island. These fronted the main channel providing access to the bay and territory beyond. Their labor, however, was in vain. The island was wiped clean in the fall of 1837 by a massive hurricane.

Courtesy Texas State Preservation Board

This painting by William Genry Huddle showing the surrender of Mexican General Santa Anna to General Sam Houston after the Battle of San

Jacinto has been on display in the Texas Capitol since February 1891.


“All the Mexican prisoners (soldiers) are at work here at the fortifications,” records a letter published in the New York Journal of Commerce, June 9, 1836. “They are extremely servile and express great gratitude that their lives are spared and that they are well treated.”

Apparently, their captors fared little better. They were living in shanties thrown together with driftwood, sod, and scraps of canvas. More than likely, they shared the same food and water.

Life took a turn for the better on August 16, 1836. After passing the summer on Galveston Island, the prisoners were loaded aboard a schooner bound for Anahuac, where they were landed in three days’ time. From Anahuac, they were marched to Liberty and put under the care of Judge William Hardin.

“There we breathed a pure air, enjoyed a milder climate, wholesome

water, together with much more comfort and liberty,” states Delgado.

Hardin did his best to provide for and take care of his guests — often at the expense of his own family and with almost no help from the govern-ment. The fall and early winter were rough for the Mexicans, with many falling prey to chills and fever. The Mexican Consul at New Orleans, Pizarro Martinez, sent along “hard bread, sugar, coffee, blankets, and a plain suit of clothes for every one of us.” Between Martinez, Hardin, and the local population, the prisoners were provided with shelter, clothing, and food.

By early spring, Hardin had reached his limit. He sent an ultimatum to the Texas Government, then meeting in Houston. He gave them three choices:

1. Send the Mexican prisoners back to Mexico by ship, chartered at the expense of the government;

2. Send funds to provide for food, shelter, and clothing for the prison-ers; or

3. Parole the prisoners on the spot and release them immediately.

The third option being the best fit for the then-empty treasury, Congress agreed to release the prisoners on April 25, 1837. The Select Companies of Santa Anna’s Army of Texas had been held prisoner for just more than a year.

Stuck in East Texas with no money, no credit, and no friends was no better in 1837 than it is today. Some of the former prisoners doubtless found work in the local community; most of the others drifted westward to the new city of Houston. Few, if any, returned to Mexico.

In the end, some of Santa Anna’s elite soldiers became part of the hardy base stock of the newly formed Republic of Texas, where their families remain to this day. Q

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END Q

UO

TES

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

— Dalai Lama XIV

“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.” Paul Simon

“Folks are usually

about as happy as they make their

minds up to be.”Abraham

Lincoln

“For every minute

you are angry you

lose sixty seconds

of happiness.”Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t

know you left open.”John Barrymore

fall 2014 q

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