dealing with BUllYing

familY

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the Problem of Bullying 2

how it occurs 3

risk factors 5

warning signs 6

what You Can do 8

taBle of ContentsJanuary 2013

2

Bullying occurs when an individual or group deliberately and repeatedly misuses power, strength or influence to physically and/or psychologically harm a more vulnerable individual or group.

what You should KnowEvery day in the United States, hundreds of thousands of children refuse to go to school for fear of bullying. With the Internet and social media, bullying can now happen anywhere, at any time, in front of an unlimited audience. Bullies can remain anonymous, and victims may not feel safe even at home.

•Half of all children report being bullied at some time.

•More than 10 percent of children say they are bullied regularly.

•A majority of teens say they witness bullying at least daily, causing them to feel helpless or to fear they could be the next target.

•An estimated 16 percent of high school students report being bullied electronically in the past year.

Sources: American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

It has become more common and more dangerous than in the past and is now recognized as a form of abuse that can have lifelong effects on victims and bullies alike. Victims are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, sleep disorders and, in extreme cases, self-mutilation and suicide. Bullies have a higher rate of substance abuse and academic problems and are more likely to commit crimes as adults.

Bullying can begin in preschool and continue throughout high school. Students are most likely to experience bullying during their late elementary school and middle school years.

Bullying is most likely to occur on school property, especially in poorly supervised or hidden areas, such as halls, stairwells, restrooms, locker rooms, playgrounds, buses and parking lots. Online bullying, when students have access to the Internet via smart phones and computers, can happen continuously.

the ProBlem of BUllYing

3how it oCCUrs

what Bullying is — Bullying occurs when an individual or group deliberately and repeatedly misuses power, strength or influence to physically and/or psychologically harm a more vulnerable individual or group. It is ongoing aggressive behavior that is intentionally hurtful and threatening and is illegal in many states.

what Bullying is not — Not all negative behavior among children constitutes bullying. A one-time act of meanness, thoughtless insult or offensive remark is not considered bullying. Random acts of aggression, intimidation, social rejection or exclusion may not constitute bullying behavior. While these isolated incidents are not considered bullying, a pattern of these behaviors could lead to a bullying situation.

when Boys BullyBoys and girls both bully, but with important differences:

•Boys’ victims may be boys or girls.

•Boys’ bullying tends to be physically and verbally aggressive.

•Their online bullying tends to include sexually explicit comments.

•Their aggressive behavior may be more accepted by peers and adults.

•Their bullying is usually more direct and noticeable than girls’ bullying.

•They are as likely as girls to use social and emotional taunting.

when girls Bully•Girls’ victims are usually other girls.

•Their bullying tends to be verbal and social, meant to damage a victim’s relationships and reputation.

•They tend to bully indirectly through peer groups.

•They inflict more psychological pain on their victims.

•Their bullying is usually harder to detect.

•They often behave well around adults while being cruel to peers.

4

tYPes of BUllYing

Physical • Hitting, slapping, shoving.

• Kicking.

• Pinching.

• Restraining.

• Taking, stealing or damaging someone’s belongings.

• Throwing spit wads or food.

• Choking.

• Inappropriate touching.

Verbal • Insults and put-downs.

• Name-calling.

• Repeated teasing.

• Threats and intimidation.

• Racial slurs.

• Sexual comments.

• Spreading false rumors.

• Leaving threatening or suggestive voicemails.

social • Hurting an individual’s reputation or status.

• Undermining relationships.

• Spreading false rumors.

• Joking to embarrass and humiliate.

• Unkind mocking or mimicking.

• Deliberately excluding or isolating someone from a group.

online • Sending insulting or threatening text messages, instant messages or e-mails.

• Spreading false rumors on social networking sites.

• Posting negative or embarrassing photographs without consent.

• Excluding someone from social networking sites.

• Tricking someone into revealing private information then forwarding it to others.

• Creating websites to make fun of someone.

• Sending cruel or untrue messages in someone else’s name.

• Taking over someone’s social media profile or creating a new one.

5risK faCtors

Personality traits: VictimsMost children who become victims of bullying share common personality traits that increase their risk of being bullied.

Passive Victims•Do nothing to provoke others.

•Tend to be quiet, cautious and sensitive.

•May be depressed, anxious or have low self-esteem.

•May cry easily, showing hurt feelings when bullied.

•Are perceived as different from their peers (for example, being overweight or underweight, wearing different clothing or wearing glasses).

•Are viewed as physically or emotionally weak.

aggressive Victims•Tend to annoy or provoke others for attention.

•Tend to be socially clumsy, impulsive and immature.

•May have learning disabilities.

•May show symptoms of attention-deficit disorder (ADD).

•May experience sibling bullying at home.

•Are often victims and bullies.

Personality and family traits: BulliesGenerally, children who become bullies share multiple risk factors. For example, they:

•Tend to be socially connected, with at least a small group of friends who encourage their bullying.

•Are generally confident, with average or above-average self-esteem.

•Are impulsive and easily frustrated or angered.

•Tend to be self-centered, showing little empathy for others.

•May be defiant and aggressive toward parents, teachers and other adults.

•Have a strong need to dominate others to get their way.

•Tend to experience a lack of attention, warmth or supervision at home.

•Are usually exposed to conflict or physical aggression at home.

•May experience sibling bullying at home.

Source: Josephson Institute

6 warning signs

Detecting signs of bullying can be difficult. Children seldom go to adults for help when they witness or become targets of bullying. Some may even keep bullying a secret from parents and teachers because they may:

•Fear retaliation.

•Think adults will do nothing or make a situation worse.

•Not want to worry or disappoint their parents.

•Want to handle the situation alone to feel in control.

•Fear being perceived as weak or a tattletale if they ask for help.

If you suspect your child is being bullied or is doing so to another student, confront the issue im-mediately. Talk to your child calmly and openly about the situation. Do not overreact, but provide a safe and non-judgmental atmosphere for your child to express her feelings.

if Your Child is Being Bullied

•Provide opportunities for your child to talk openly and honestly with you.

•Assure your child that the bullying is not his fault.

•Ask your child what she thinks should be done to stop the bullying.

•Do not confront the bully’s parents. Seek help from your child’s teacher or a school author-ity and follow up until the problem is resolved.

•If your child becomes reluctant to go to school or shows other signs of withdrawal, seek professional assistance.

if Your Child is Bullying others

•Do not assume the bullying will stop without your intervention.

•Ask your child why. Is the behavior linked to changes at home or school?

•Ask a teacher or school counselor if your child is having academic or disciplinary problems at school that you do not know about.

•Consider if your child is a victim of bullying at home by a sibling or an adult family member. Sometimes children who bully are reacting to being bullied themselves.

•Consider consulting your child’s physician or a mental health professional who can evalu-ate your child’s behavior and help you develop a plan to stop the bullying.

7

signs that a Child maY Be a ViCtim of BUllYing

Physical signs

o Unexplained scratches, bruises or other injuries.

o Damaged or missing books, electronics, clothing or other possessions.

o Changes in eating habits, such as skipping meals or binge eating.

emotional/Behavioral signs

o Changes in sleep patterns, difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares.

o Mood swings, frequent tears or unusual displays of anger.

o Frequent headaches or stomachaches, especially on school mornings.

o Fear of going to school or activities.

o Unusual quietness and withdrawal.

o Sudden stammering or stuttering.

o Drastic change in appearance.

o Sudden onset of self-destructive behaviors such as running away.

o Preoccupation with death or comments about suicide.

school-related/social signs

o Sudden decrease in school attendance or skipping certain classes.

o Difficulty concentrating or easily distracted in class.

o Appears insecure or frightened in class.

o Sudden loss of friends.

o Avoids social situations, including school-sponsored activities and events.

o Wants to take a different route or form of transportation to school.

o Unusual lack of interest or low performance in school.

signs that a Child maY Be BUllYing others

o Frequent disobedience toward parents or other adults.

o Unexplained extra money or belongings.

o Repeatedly teases, mocks, excludes or ignores the same individual or group.

o Brags or shows off about their own achievements.

o Diminishes or ridicules the achievements of others.

o Prone to physical or verbal fights with others.

o Is increasingly defiant or aggressive.

o Refuses to take responsibility for actions but blames others.

o Frequently sent to detention or the school office for disciplinary reasons.

o Shows little or no compassion for others or has friends who bully others.

If you check any of the above items, your child or a child you know may be a victim of bullying or may be actively bullying others.

8 what YoU Can do

anti-Bullying Programs for schoolsFind out whether your child’s school has an anti-bullying campaign in place. Effective anti-bullying programs typically include the following:

•Posting no-bullying rules, such as “I will not bully others,” “I will try to help others who are bullied,” and “I will tell an adult when I know someone is being bullied.”

•Using role-play and other assignments to equip students to handle bullying incidents.

•Notifying parents of bullies.

•Intervening individually with bullies and their victims and referring them to counseling if needed.

•Educating teachers on how to reduce bullying.

•Increasing adult supervision during recess and lunch.

Put a stop to BullyingBullying has become a widespread problem with serious consequences. Bullying intervention begins at home, where parents can nurture children with positive attitudes, the ability to laugh at themselves and to get along well with others. Teachers, parents and other caring adults should continue working together to create physically and emotionally safe environments for children.

9

Information in this publication was current at the time it was printed. However, the Foundation cannot guarantee that websites and phone numbers listed in this publication have not changed since then.

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