Introduction Being a complete and final religion from God, Islm guides all aspects of our lives. This guidance is contained in the Holy Qurn; the life-time examples (that is, the Sunnah) and the sayings (adth) of the Holy Prophet Muammad (peace and blessings of Allh be on him). In the USA, our members grow up in a non-Islmic culture, and there are also converts to Islm who need to learn the Islmic guidelines on marriage (just as in other matters). In light of this, Jamat Amadiyya in USA has colleted the relevant teachings on marriage. These contain the Qurnic injunctions, extracts from the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet Muammad, peace and blessings of Allh be on him, his example and written material obtained from the writings of arat Mirz Ghulm Amad, the Promised Messiah, peace be on him. This task was performed by the Tarbiyat Committee including members of the auxiliary organizations. Individuals comprising any society are tied together by related group bonds. The strongest of all societal bonds is that of the family. And while it can be justifiably argued that the basic family unit is the foundation of any given human society, this holds particularly true for Muslims. As a matter of fact, the great status that Islam affords to the family system is the very thing that so often attracts many new converts to Islam, particularly women.With laws for almost every aspect of life, Islam represents a faith-based order that women may see as crucial to creating healthy families and communities, and correcting the damage done by the popular secular humanism of the past thirty or so years, several experts said. In addition, women from broken homes may be especially attracted to the religion because of the value it places on family, said Marcia Hermansen, a professor of Islamic studies at Loyola University in Chicago and an American who also converted to Islam.Nowhere is this trend of a people who value traditional family values as they embrace Islam more prevalent than in North Americas Latino or Hispanic community. As one of Floridas Muslims observed: I have seen an increasing rate in Hispanics converting to Islam. I think the Hispanic culture itself is very rich in terms of family values, and that is something that is very prominent in the religion of Islam.Islamic Marriage System Almighty Allh has created everything in pairs. It is a scientific fact that these pairs exist in all things, in vegetable kingdom, even in inorganic matters. There is not any iota of doubt that these elements dont exist by themselves. They depend upon each other for their survival. The Holy Qurn has mentioned repeatedly this fact in different verses, like, ( : 36 ) Holy is He Who created all things in pairs, of what the earth grows and of themselves, and of what they know not. (The Holy Qurn, 36:37) So human beings are also created in pairs, and the main philosophy behind it is the survival of the human race, and also that they may live in peace and tranquility. What is Marriage? Marriage or wedding is a legal union of a man and woman, in other words, it is an agreement under which a man and a woman live as husband and wife by legal or religious commitments. Marriage in Islm is a divine bond between husband and wife to enjoy social and intimate relationship with each other and to have children. It is one of the most sacred divine contracts between them. In Islm, marriage is a part of a social system, which lays down detailed guidelines about the relationship between the two genders. Since the family is the nucleus of Islmic society and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence.

Purpose of Marriage The main purpose of marriage is procreation and protection of human race, to guard against evils and immoralities and to establish a loving and peaceful society. This is why the Holy Qurn addresses the married people as Muan and Muanah, those who are guarded and protected as if they are in a well-secured and protected castle. It means that when someone is married, he or she becomes protected from satanic inclinations. This is why, for piety and righteousness, marriage is a must. It gives maximum protection from the evil and satanic passions. Marriage ensures that physical needs be satiated under divine rules. If someone is unable to find a suitable life partner, he should observe fast. The Holy Prophet Muammad (peace and blessings of Allh be upon him) says, O young people, whoever among you is able to marry should marry, and whoever is not able to marry is recommended to fast as fasting diminishes sexual urges. (Bukhr, Book of Nik, adth 3) The Holy Qurn very beautifully states: 223) (Your wives are a tilth for you; so approach your tilth when and how you like and send ahead some good for yourselves; and fear Allh and know that you shall meet Him; and give good tidings to those who obey. (The Holy Qurn, 2:223) For the protection of human race marriage is a must. To fulfill this purpose a healthy partner must be selected for healthy generations, because a healthy fruit depends upon a healthy tree, and a healthy tree depends upon a healthy soil. Almighty Allh has mentioned the wives as tilth, which shows that healthy generations will depend upon healthy wives.In this verse of the Holy Qurn, the purpose of marriage and union of husband and wife is nicely mentioned, and that is to seek peace and comfort in the other partner. If one of them is not able to provide comfort to the other, then he or she is not fulfilling the purpose of their marriage. Again, at another place, Almighty Allh says in the Holy Qurn, ( ) (:21(And one of His Signs is this, that He has created wives for you from among yourselves that you may find peace of mind in them, and He has put love and tenderness between you. In that, surely, are Signs for a people who reflect. (The Holy Qurn, 30: 21)The above verse of the Holy Qurn sheds flood of light on the responsibilities of a married couple. And that is to provide peace of mind to the spouse, and have love and tenderness for the marriage partner. If the married couple really have this understanding and recognize their responsibility as husband and wife, then the whole world will be turned into a paradise. But unfortunately due to lack of knowledge, and having no comprehension about the true purpose of marriage, a peaceful home turns into an abode of misery and suffering.

Role of Parents in the Marriage Parents are always of great help to their children right from their birth. They act in a beneficent manner towards their children throughout their lives. At the crucial time of ~ 20 ~ finding a life partner for the child, their help and guidance is direly needed. They have to play a vital role in arranging the marriage of their children on time and in a most appropriate manner. According to the Islmic Law, there is no room for dating or having premarital relations. It is the parents who take most of the responsibilities to look for a suitable match for their children. Responsibilities of Husband and Wife as Life Partners Husband and wife as life partners have great responsibilities and obligations. Both of them must have a great concern and feelings of love and compassion for each other. Their sentiments and emotions must reflect love and sympathy for each other. The Holy Qurn has given an excellent example of husband and wife in the following verse, ) [: 187 (They (wives) are a garment for you, and you (husbands) are a garment for them. (The Holy Qurn, 2:188) Everyone knows that garments are used for three main purposes. 1. To cover and protect oneself from extreme climatic conditions, etc. 2. To look civilized, nice and elegant. 3. To cover weaknesses, faults and blemishes. As every person likes to have a pretty garment, to beautify himself or herself, the marriage partners playing the role of good garments should bring out and enhance each others beauty and should make every effort to make the spouse cheerful and happy. As garments cover any fault or blemish of the body, in the same way, the marriage partner must cover the faults or weaknesses of the spouse. This is only possible if there is open-mindedness, forbearance and patience. These qualities must be exhibited by both sides. It is not possible that one partner shows patience and the other criticism, one overlooks and the other nags.Playing the role of perfect garment covering the weaknesses or faults of the other, none of the two should disclose or advertise the shortcomings of the other. Each partner should compensate for the weaknesses for the other and fill the voids of the other to make a beautiful whole. To take care of the simile of garments role in safeguarding one from the effects of bad weather, both should help each other in sailing through occasions of grief, pain and loss to either or both parties, and in consoling and supporting each other during physical and emotional adversities. There are always problems in married life when there is criticism, and lack of trust and confidence in each other.Men as Guardians of Women According to the Islmic law, husband has the responsibility to provide every necessity of life for the wife and children adequately according to his means. It is upon man to undertake and do whatever is in his reach to manage the affairs of the whole family and give every possible protection to the family members. Because man sets the things right, or makes things straight and manages the affairs well, this is why man is called in the Holy Qurn as Qawwm, the guardian. This is what the Holy Qurn teaches, { } ( 34(Men are guardians over women because Allh has made some of them excel others, and because they (men) spend on them of their wealth. So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allhs protection. And as for those, on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds and chastise them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allh is High, Great. (The Holy Qurn, 4: 34)Men, being guardian over the women, must try their best to treat them nicely, and fulfill their need in the light of the Holy Qurn and practice of the Holy Prophet Muammad (peace and blessings of Allh be upon him).The Holy Prophet Muammad (peace and blessings of Allh be upon him) always took great care of his wives. He always advised his followers to take great care of their wives. He was an exemplary person in this respect. An incident is narrated in adth which throws a flood of light on this aspect of the life of the Holy Prophet Muammad (peace and blessings of Allh be upon him).

The Structure of a Muslim FamilyThe structure of the family is three fold. The first and the closest consists of the husband, the wife, their children, their parents who live with them, and servants, if any.The next group, the central fold of the family, consists of a number of close relatives, whether they live together or not, who have special claims upon each other, who move freely inside the family, with whom marriage is forbidden and between whom there is no hijab (veil). These are the people who also have prior claim on the wealth and resources of a person, in life as well as in death (as beneficiaries, known as in matter of inheritance 'sharers', the first line of inheritors). The crucial thing in this respect is that they are regarded as Mahram, those with whom marriage is prohibited. This constitutes the real core of the family, sharing each other's joys, sorrow, hopes and fears. This relationship emerges from consanguinity, affinity and foster-nursing.Relations based on con sanguinity include (a) father, mother, grandfather, grandmother and other direct ascendants; (b) direct descendants that is, sons, daughters, grandsons, grand-daughters etc; (c) relations of the second degree (such as brothers, sisters and their descendants). (d) father's or mother's sisters (not their daughter or other descendants).Those based on affinity include (i) mother-in-law, father-in-law, grandmother-in-law, grand-father-in-law; (ii) wife's daughters, husband's sons or their grand or great grand daughters or sons respectively; (iii) son's wife, son's son's wife, daughter's husband, and (iv) step-mothers (step-father). With some exceptions the same relations are forbidden through fosternursing. (al-ridaah).This is the real extended family and the nucleus of relationships.All those relations who are outside this fold constitute the outer periphery of the family. They, too, have their own rights and obligations, as is borne out by the fact that a number of them have been included in the second and third lines of inheritors. The general structure of the family is presented in a diagram on the next page.ParentingOne of the reasons that the Islamic family works is because of its clearly defined structure, where each member of the household knows his or her role. The Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said:Each of you is a shepherd, and all of you are responsible for your flocks. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)The father is the shepherd over his family, protecting them, providing for them, and striving to be their role model and guide in his capacity as head of the household. The mother is the shepherd over the house, guarding it and engendering in it the wholesome, loving environment that is necessary for a happy and healthy family life. She is also the one who is primarily responsible for the childrens guidance and education. Were it not for the fact that one of the parents assumed the leadership role, then inevitably there would be perpetual disputation and fighting, leading to family breakdown just as there would be in any organization which lacked any single hierarchical authority.God puts forth a similitude: a (servant) man belonging to many partners, disputing with one another, and a man belonging entirely to one master. Are those two equal in comparison? All the praises and thanks be to God! But most of them know not. (Quran 39:29)It is only logical that the one who is naturally the physically and emotionally stronger of the two parents is made head of the household: the male.And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to the rights of their husbands) over them - according to what is equitable. But men have a degree (of responsibility, etc.) over them (Quran 2:228)As for the children, the fruits of their parents love, Islam lays down comprehensive morals enjoining parental responsibility and the childs reciprocal dutifulness to its parents.And treat your parents with kindness. If one or both of them attain old age in your care, never say to them a word (suggesting) disgust, nor reproach them, but address them with reverent speech. And humble yourself out of mercy before them, and pray: My Lord! Be merciful to them for having cared for me in my childhood. (Quran 17:23-4)Obviously, if the parents fail to inculcate the fear of God within their children from an early age because they are themselves heedless, then they cannot expect to see righteous gratitude returned to them. Hence, Gods severe warning in His Book:O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones. (Quran 66:6)If the parents do indeed strive to raise their children upon righteousness, then, as the Prophet said:When the son of Adam dies, all his actions have ceased except [three, a continuing charity, beneficial knowledge and] a righteous child who prays for their parent. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)Regardless of how the parents raise their children, and irrespective of their own religion (or lack, thereof), the obedience and reverence that a Muslim son or daughter is required to show them is second only to the obedience due to the Creator Himself. Thus His reminder:And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but God and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans and to the poor, and speak good to people, and perform the prayer, and give the alms. (Quran 2:83)In fact, it is quite common to hear of elderly non-Muslims converting to Islam as a result of the increased care and dutifulness their children gave them following their (i.e. the childrens) becoming Muslims.Say (O Muhammad): Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them (Quran 6:151)While the child is obliged to show obedience to both parents, Islam singles out the mother as being the one deserving the lions share of loving gratitude and kindness. When the Prophet Muhammad was asked, O Messenger of God! Who from amongst mankind warrants the best companionship from me? he replied: Your mother. The man asked: Then who? The Prophet said:Your mother.The man asked: Then who? The Prophet repeated:Your mother. Again, the man asked: Then who? The Prophet finally said:(Then) your father.And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty (30) months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will). (Quran 46:15The Position of Man and WomanIn the internal organisation of the family, a man is in the position of the head and the over-all supervisor. In fact it is the eldest member of the extended family who occupies the position of the head. A man's major responsibilities lie outside the family. He is to support the family economically and materially, he has to look after the relations of the family with the rest of the society, economy and policy and he has to take care of the demands of internal discipline within the family. A woman's major responsibilities lie within the family. Here too, the eldest woman is regarded as the centre of the family organisation but within each circle and fold the relative central position is enjoyed by that woman who constitutes its core. A spectrum of mutual rights and responsibilities has been evolved in such a way that balanced relationships are developed between all. The Quran says."Men are in charge of woman, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their wealth (for supporting them and the family)"."And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them according to what is equitable, and men have a degree (of advantage) over them, Allah is Mighty, Wise."This is in the interests of proper organization and management within the family. There is equality in rights. There is demarcation of responsibilities.Man has been made head of the family so that order and discipline are maintained. Both are enjoined to discharge their respective functions with justice and equity.The question of equality or inequality of the sexes has often been raised. This issue is, however, the product of a certain cultural and legal context, and is realty not relevant to the Islamic context where the equality of men and women as human beings has been divinely affirmed and legally safeguarded. There is differentiation of roles and responsibilities and certain arrangements have been made to meet the demands of organisations and institutions not on the basis of superiority or inferiority of the sexes but in the lights of the basic facts of life and the needs of the society.Every role is important in its own right and each person is to be judged according to the responsibilities assigned to him or her. Their roles are not competitive but complementary.The Family and SocietyThe Family is a part of the Islamic social order. The society that Islam wants to establish is not a sensate, sex-ridden society. It establishes an ideological society, with a high level of moral awareness, strong commitment to the ideal of Khilafah and purposive orientation of all human behaviour. Its discipline is not an imposed discipline, but one that flows out of every individual's commitment to the values and ideals of Islam. In this society a high degree of social responsibility prevails. The entire system operates in a way that strengthens and fortifies the family and not otherwise.The Family is protected by prohibiting sex outside marriage. Fornication (Zina) as such has been forbidden and made a punishable offence. All roads that lead to this evil are blocked and whatever paves the way towards it is checked and eliminated. That is why promiscuity in any form is forbidden. The Islamic system of Hijab is a wide-ranging system which protects the family and closes those avenues that lead towards illicit sex or even indiscriminate contact between the sexes in society. It prescribes essential rules and regulations about dress, modes of behaviour, rules of contract between the sexes and a number of other questions that are central or ancillary to it.The finer qualities of life have been given every encouragement, but they have, been torn from their carnal or sensate context and oriented towards what is noble and good in human life. A number of preventive measures have been taken to protect the family from influences that may corrupt or weaken it a moral and social climate. Some of these measures are in the nature of moral persuasions, others take the farm of social rules and sanctions; and same take the form of law whose violation entails exemplary punishments. All these protect the institution of the family and enable it to play its positive role in the making of Islamic society.Marriage and the family in Islam should be studied and understood in the context of the scheme of life Islam wants to establish. They cannot be understood in isolation. The concept of man and the family which Islam gives is in conflict with the concept of man and the family that is prevalent in the West today. We do not want to be apologetic at all. We refuse to accept the allegedly value-neutral approach that willy-nilly fashions the life and perspective of man in the secular culture of the West today. We think the disintegration of the family in the West is, in parts, a result of confusion about the place and the role of the family in society and about the purpose of life itself. If the objectives and values of life are not set right, further disintegration of this and other institutions cannot be prevented. The tragedy of our times is that changes are being imposed upon man under the stress of technological and other external developments and the entire process of change is becoming somewhat non-discretionary and involuntary. In an age in which freedom is worshipped like god, man is being deprived of the most important freedom - the freedom to choose his ideals, values, institutions and patterns of life. One of the greatest tasks that lie ahead is restoration and rehabilitation of this freedom of choice and its judicious and informed use to set the house of humanity in order. Non-human and amoral forces be they of history or technology must not be allowed to decide for man. Man should decide for himself as vicegerent of God on the earth. Otherwise, whatever be our achievements in the fields of science and technology, we shall drift towards a new form of slavery, and man's forced abdication of his real role in the world. This we all must resist at least all those people who believe in God and as the existence of a moral order in the Universe.ConclusionThere exists in Islam a general principle that states that what is good for one is good for another. Or, in the words of the Prophet:None of you truly believes until he loves for his (believing) brother what he loves for himself. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)As could be expected, this principle finds its greatest expression in a Muslim family, the nucleus of the Islamic society. Nevertheless, the dutifulness of the child to its parents is, in truth, extended to all the elders of the community. The mercy and concern that the parents have for their children is likewise extended to all the young ones. Actually, it is not as if the Muslim has a choice in such matters. After all, the Prophet did say:He who does not show compassion to our young, nor honor our elders, is not from us. (Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi)Is it any wonder, then, that so many people, raised as non-Muslims, find what they are looking for, what they have always believed to have been good and true, in the religion of Islam? A religion where they are immediately and warmly welcomed as members of one loving family.Righteousness is not that you turn your faces to the east and the west. But righteous is the one who believes in God, the Last Day, the Angels, the Scripture and the Prophets; who gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the wayfarer, to those who ask, and to set slaves free. And (righteous are) those who pray, pay alms, honor their agreements, and are patient in (times of) poverty, ailment and during conflict. Such are the people of truth. And they are the God-Fearing. (Quran 2:177)

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