Mate Selection and Marriage

Mate Selection and MarriageFamily Life1What first attracts you to the opposite sex? What characteristics are most important to you?

You attract what you are.. not what you want.

Happiest couples feel their partner is attractive & they have the best sex lives. Appearance continues to be important through marriage. Changes in wifes appearance have more effect than changes in husbands appearance.

Halo effect: The assumptions that good-looking people possess more desirable social characteristics.THEORIES OF MATE SELECTION:Men are valued for status & money.Women are valued for good looks, child rearing & homemaking skills.

Who is the most powerful man in America?Who is the most influential woman in America?

MARRIAGE GRADIENT: Why men choose younger women & women choose higher status.MARRIAGE SQUEEZE: Older women have fewer eligible males. Working women dont need a man for a paycheck but want a companion.

Does not allow incestuous relationships.Second cousins allowed to marry, first cousins over 40 years old.Native Americans and Orientals marry outside race more often.FIELD OF ELIGIBLES: Culture approves of potential partners.ENDOGAMY: Marriage within a particular group.EXOGAMY: Marriage outside a particular group.OPPOSITES ATTRACTFACT OR FALLACY?

What things are important to have in common? Question:Important SimilaritiesRace 97% marriages of same race.Religion Greatest risk of divorce is if one is very religious.Socioeconomic Status Men often marry down, women often marry up.Age Members of same generation at same life tasks. Gap has narrowed and age entering marriage has climbed.Propinquity Residence, geographically limited locale (internet).

Heterogamous MarriagesHomogamous marriages are more likely to succeed because Heterogamous marriages:Different values and lack understanding.Lack approval from friends and family, less support.Less conventional, therefore less likely to stay married for looks.

Activity Take Temperament test.WHO SHOULD I MARRY?PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE:Both teens = 3 to 4 x more likely to divorceOnly 5% will last more than 5 yearsGirl is a teen = 2 x more likely to divorce

Predictors of SuccessCommon skillsGood emotional & physical healthHigh self esteemHigh education levelOlder age at first marriageHigh social statusLonger courtship average engagement 9 months average acquaintance 2 2 1/2 years)

Predictors of SuccessParent ModelHigh marriage quality in family of originHigh level of happiness in childhoodPositive relationship between parents

Support from significant othersParent approval of spouseLiking of in-lawsSupport of friends1% of men preferred women who waited to be asked.99% of men wanted women to hint to be asked.50% of men preferred women to ask them out.HOW MANY GUYS WOULD ASK A GIRL OUT WITH OUT BEING GIVEN PERMISSION BEFOREHAND?

Men are afraid of rejection from women.HOW DO YOU MEET PEOPLE FOR DATING?Open field: A setting in which potential partners may not be likely to meet, characterized by large numbers of people who do not ordinarily interact, such as a beach, mall or campus.Closed field: A setting in which potential partners may meet, characterized by a small number of people who are likely to interact, such as a class, dorm or party).Parties are the most common place1/3 to 1/2 of all meetings are introductions by friends.(also internet, classified ads, dating services and churches)PROBLEMS IN DATING

Power is not usually a problem in dating but gender roles are.Who pays? Who decides?CommunicationShynessSexual pressure

Increasing: Divorced, widowed, never married

Delayed marriageEmployment options for womenIncreased divorce & decreased likelihood of remarriageMore women in collegeMore liberal social & sexual standardsUneven ratios of unmarried women to menSINGLEHOODIncreases economic, & emotional independence.Difficulty committing and doing what one ought to do rather than what one wants to do. Men need women less than women need men thus men flee obligation.Men less mentally healthy as single.Media portrays singles as glorified and marriage as unsatisfied with affairs.TYPES OF NEVER MARRIEDSAmbivalence: voluntary and temporaryWishful: Involuntarily & temporaryResolved: Permanent and prefer itRegretful: Resigned to their fate. Often well educated, high income over 40 but no available men.MYTHS OF SINGLEHOODSingles are dependent on their parentsSingles are self-centeredSingles have more money (married couples are better off dual incomes)Singles are happierSingles view single hood as a lifetime alternativeCHARACTERISTICS OF SINGLEHOODSingles dont fit into married societySingles have more timeSingles have more funSingles are lonely

COHABITATION

COHABITATIONLEGAL PROBLEMSCant file joint tax return Cant make medical decisionsCant inheritCant enter hospital or jail restricted to familyCant create estate trustCant claim marital deduction on income taxCant receive survivor insurance benefitsCant get health benefits, bereavement leave, etcCant collect unemployment if you move for a partners jobCant get residency status for a noncitizen

COMMITMENTMay not work as hard.Lack of pooling of moneyMore fighting & violenceMan not expected to support his partner, both workLess social supportGreater likelihood of divorceMore liberal, independent, less religious, lower income