family violence: what is it & what can we do to help? pincher creek dvat leslie m. tutty...

Family Violence: What is it & What Can We Do to Help?

Family Violence: What is it & What Can We Do to Help?

Pincher Creek DVATLeslie M. TuttyNovember 14, 2013

Overview of PresentationOverview of Presentation

A bit about meThe stats on FVWho is most vulnerable?The women speakWhat agencies or services can doWhat we all can do

Tutty Pincher Creek DVAT 2013

A Bit About MeA Bit About MeA mental health counsellor for 10 yearsOn FSW at U of C since 1989Academic Research Coordinator of RESOLVE Alberta from 1999 to 2011My research is action-oriented with practice & policy implications 3 main focuses: shelters, prevention programs, clinical DV programs.


What is Family Violence?What is Family Violence?

What kind of violence occurs in families?“Family violence" commonly refers to woman abuse, physical child abuse, child neglect, child sexual abuse, & elder abuse. But today the focus is on intimate partner violence against women.Such abuse takes a number of forms


Psychological/emotional abusePhysical violenceSexual violenceCoercive control includes threats to kill, threats to harm others such as children, other family members, pets or farm animals


Statistics Canada 2009 General Social

Survey

Statistics Canada 2009 General Social

SurveyAbout the same proportion of men as women were targets of violent acts from intimate partners in the past 5 years (6% women; 6% men)But abuse against women is more repetitive & life-threatening.42% of women were injured (18% men).13% vs. 2% sought medical help (Statistics Canada, 2004).Women more likely to report multiple victimizations (57% vs. 40%)


Women almost 3 times more likely than males (34% versus 10% ) to report having been sexually assaulted, beaten, choked or threatened with a gun or a knife as men. Women fear their partners’ violence to a significantly greater extent: 34% of women compared to 10% of men admitting being afraid for their lives (Statistics Canada,

2004).


Other factsOther facts

Alberta tied with Saskatchewan for highest spousal DV rates in Canada.Younger Canadians aged 25 to 34 years old were 3 times more likely than those aged 45 and older to have been physically or sexually assaulted by their spouse.Victims of spousal violence less likely to report the incident to police in 2009 than 2004 (22% vs. 28%).


Most IPV is “Mutual”Most IPV is “Mutual”“Common couple” or “mutual” violence happens relatively often with “minor” acts about every 2 months Violence initiated by either the man or woman The violence does not tend to escalate over time (Johnson, 2002).

Some aggression is in self-defence. Called “responsive” violence by Ferraro & Johnson (2000).


“Patriarchal” or “Intimate terrorism” is abuse with severe violence (Johnson, 2002)

Occurs more than twice a week on average & almost entirely initiated by men. Women are abused throughout the relationship & the violence increases over time.


Are Men Abused Too?Are Men Abused Too?The dynamics of woman-to-man abuse are different from man-to-woman abuse.“Male” abuse is more emotional, less physical.A major focus on custody and access of children after divorce Some aggression by women is in self-defence. Called “responsive violence by Ferraro & Johnson (2000).

Tutty 553/679

Vulnerable PopulationsVulnerable Populations

Aboriginal populationsImmigrant populationsOlder adultsPersons with DisabilitiesViolence within LGBT communitiesSexual violence


Children ExposedChildren Exposed

A large number of children whose mothers are abused by their fathers are exposed to violence (Statistics Canada, 2004).

Canadian estimates: up to 80% of incidents of domestic violence are witnessed by children.Effects include externalizing behaviour, Internalizing behaviour & trauma

Tutty SOWK 553/679

Being exposed to family violence has the potential to affect children of all ages (Hendry, 1998).

Children under 5 are particularly at risk, as they are more likely to be present during the abuse than older children (Nighswander & Proulx, 2007).

Mothers can protect their children in ways that prevent negative consequences

Tutty SOWK 553/679

The Experience of Woman AbuseThe Experience of Woman Abuse

Force of the violence far outweighs the import of the “issue.” Abused women not simply pushed, or slapped; they are beaten or injured where most vulnerable. At the extreme, assaults are brutal. Women in shelters have “lots of broken bones,” are “flipped over, smacked on the head and punched in the crotch,” or are “thrown out of a car at 65 MPH” (Tutty & Goard, 2002).


Myths about Abused WomenMyths about Abused Women

From the “lower classes”They were exposed to IPV in childhoodThere must be something wrong with them (mentally) or they would leaveThey must have been able to tell that these men would abuse themThey are helpless and have low self-esteemWomen go from abusive partner to abusive partner


There But for Fortune…There But for Fortune…

How do women become involved with abusive men?What do we know of the lives of these women beyond their victimization?How did they cope and what are the strengths that allowed them to survive such abuse?


Firearms Research ProjectFirearms Research Project

41 women interviewedage of 37 years (range of 19 to 53) 33 Caucasian (80.5 %), 7 Aboriginal or Metis(15.8 percent) 1 from the Middle East27 were married (65.9 %) or 12 lived common-law (29.3%) 2 women were dating (4.9%)2/3 were abused in rural sites


Relationships averaged 10 years (4 months to 33 years) Only 2 still lived with the abusive partner 24 women (63.2 %): 1st marital/common-law relationship. 14 had previous long-term relationships (13 married; 1 common-law). Of those with previous partners, most (11 or 78.6%) were not abusive; only 3 women had been abused in prior relationships.


32 women (78 %) were high school graduates or above. 2/3 thirds of the women worked:

8 (19.5 %) clerical or retail jobs 9 (22 %) chemical or engineering technicians or teaching assistants. 10 (24.4 %) were professionals, including four nurses, a chemist and an engineer.


Meeting the PartnersMeeting the Partners

Most met their partners when in their 20’s Many were introduced by family or friends With some exceptions, the women met their partners in the same way as most of us: at school, work or in bars or nightclubs


We met at a local bar. My mom was with me. She was the one who gave him the phone number. I told her I wasn’t interested: I never wanted anyone that drank. He called me about a week after, and me and my mom and sisters were getting ready to go on a picnic, and she invited him. It happened from that picnic. He was a good supporter at first, real supportive towards me and my family.


“It began, verbally abusive, yelling, threatening. Then it became physical, pushing, choking, then, weapons. This actually (was) the first time he was not living with me, he came over and throwing me around, bouncing me off the walls, choking me. The last assault, he was very violent, hitting me, choking me, and then had a butcher knife that he held to my throat for hours.”


[How did you meet your husband?] In a country bar. We started talking right away and told each other our life story. He had this beautiful picture of the farm and how wonderful it was, six children. I thought that was quite nice because I'm from a big family and we’re close. He was the man of my dreams.


Several women’s partners were abusive from the start.I had an accident and ended up with a broken neck. He looked after me. He was very kind. He’d been bad to other people, but I never thought he’d be bad to me. I knew he was a pretty bad boy, but the less you know, the less you can get hurt, right? My friends just loved him, they thought he was wonderful. He was Mr. Charming.


He was from the same town, a very small town, about 1,500 people. He’s a lot older than me. I knew him from when I was really young, but we started dating when I was about 16. We were legally married when I was 24. (According to referral source, her partner was originally her mother’s live-in partner, who then began sexually abusing her.)


The Start of the AbuseThe Start of the Abuse

For some, it started shortly after the relationship: He became abusive shortly after they became a couple. He was possessive, jealous, called her names, put her down. He was physically abusive as well, pushing her down, grabbing and being rough with her. She had no serious injuries from the physical abuse.


After only two months, he pushed her down the stairs. She was pregnant and lost the baby. A month later she became pregnant again and they stayed together. She considered the emotional abuse worse than the physical. He called her “slut”, “cunt”, “whore” and constantly criticized her. He would grab her by the hair and throw her around.


For others it was gradual:My ex-husband was good for the first 4 or 5 years. Couldn’t have asked for a nicer guy. Then he left for work one day, and I don’t know who came back, but it was somebody else. [What happened?] I have tried to figure that out for years! He wasn’t a boozer, he wasn’t a druggie. I don’t know what changed. I think it was I was getting more independent. He couldn’t control me.


It started for some after they became legally married:I've been with this guy for two years. Well, actually six years. I've been married to him for two. I’d never seen that side of him until the ring was on my finger. Then it was a whole different story. He shook the baby. He picked him up and shook him because he couldn’t handle his crying because he was fussing.


It was like he removed his mask after our marriage … after the kindness, the beautiful promises. “I’ll make you the happiest woman in the world; show you the whole world”. He said to my mother, my son, “Don’t worry. She will be safe with me. She will be happy.” After our marriage, he started to torment me, abuse me.


He latched onto me when I was 15. I couldn’t shake him. When I was in highschool, I continued to date other people hoping he’d get the picture, but he didn’t. He decided that I was his and that was it. It wasn’t really a relationship, I was walking home from a school dance and he came up in his dad’s van. I didn’t get a chance to get away. He took me to a gravel pit and raped me at gun point.


Abuse and PregnancyAbuse and Pregnancy

Women often identify their first pregnancy as the start of the violence. Her partner may direct his physical aggression at the baby in her belly or other distinctly female parts such as her breasts or genitals.It is not uncommon for abused women to have lost babies through miscarriages or still-births.


The very first fight was over him using a good towel on the dog. He got mad at me for reacting the way I did over the towel. I locked myself in the bathroom and he kicked the door open. He picked me up and threw me against the wall. Then he put me on the bed to, as he said, “try to calm me down”. I was pregnant that time and I lost the baby.


Emotional AbuseEmotional AbusePsychological abuse is always a factor when women are physically assaulted. Like other forms of woman abuse, it is about power and control. It may take the form of rejecting, degrading, terrorizing, isolating, denying emotional responsiveness, and corrupting or exploiting women.


He always used to say he was going to cut my head off. He had a big stack of lime in the field to neutralize the alkali. He said, “I could cut your head off and put you in that lime pit and no one would ever find you.” He said, “I'm just joking.” When he left, he said, “you know, I never hit you”.


Violence Across the RelationshipViolence Across the Relationship

Many abusive relationships are violent from the start, even before the couple commits or marries.“He’s small but he’s strong. He would throw me against the wall he would kick me he would punch me. He threw knives at me. And actually that’s the only time he held a gun to my head was back then (when she was 15). He held a shotgun to my head when he was really drunk.”


Sexual AssaultSexual Assault

Rape or forced sexual acts commonly occur in relationships in which women are also physically assaulted. Sexual assaults can result in serious physical injuries. In an ongoing relationship, the assaults are likely repeated rather than being a one-time event, as is the case in stranger or acquaintance rape. As such, the long-term consequences are more devastating.


[My husband] sexually assaulted me many, many times. When there’s a firearm beside the bed, you pretty much know the rules of the household. It was an implied threat. Certainly when we’re in bed and he’s within an arm’s reach of a gun, you don’t need to go farther than that to know the rules of the game.


Stalking and explicit threats to kill are also forms of psychological abuse and are common to women whose partners physically abuse them. Stalking involves the persistent, malicious, unwanted surveillance and invasion of privacy that is a constant threat to an individual’s personal security.


Stalking is primarily perpetrated by men, particularly current or former partners.Studies have estimated that as many as 50% of women victims of domestic violence are stalked by their partners.


My ex-boyfriend was abusive; we had been together almost seven years. He got a five-year prison sentence (for abusing me) and he only did five months. I left and went to Manitoba. He threatened my little brother that he’d kill him if he didn’t let him know where I was. So my little brother told him. My brother let me know I was in danger. I left and came here.


Threats to Kill and HomicideThreats to Kill and Homicide

In a 1999 review of Canadian statistics from the previous 22 years, Fitzgerald reported that, “Over the two decades, three times more wives than husbands were killed by their spouse (1,485 women and 442 men).” In over half of the spousal homicides, the couple had a history of woman abuse.


Of men who murdered their partners, over 70% then attempted suicide.Children also at risk of being murdered after marital violence and separation. A file review of family homicides in B.C. from 1984 through 1991 (Cooper) concluded that: Children constituted more than 1/4 of victims killed by men whose partners had left them, often following chronic violence against the women.


He went downstairs to where he had a gun, got bullets and loaded it, and stood at the end of the bed screaming that I’d ruined his family. He’d kill me first and I’d never leave. I said, ‘Are you going to shoot me now?’ He said, ‘Yes I am’, and he fired. It was close. I thought he’d shot me. It went through the wall probably two inches from my head.


The Impact of Woman AbuseThe Impact of Woman Abuse

He destroyed my self-worth, self-confidence, even my motivation to survive. There were times I just wanted to die. It was like I can’t fight anymore, just end it, and then I thought of my kids. My kids were the only thing. I wasn’t worth fighting for. If he wanted to kill me, he could do it any time he wanted and that’s one of the realities I have to live with every day. If he wanted to kill my kids, he could do it and what would he get for it? Probably 6 years.


Who sees the Effects of Woman Abuse?Who sees the Effects of Woman Abuse?

Shelters & specialized DV servicesPolice/ criminal justice systemMental HealthHealthChild protectionEducation systemEmployers


What can Professionals Do?What can Professionals Do?

Ask about IPVStart with a general question to introduce the topic. Option 1: Universal screening questions are one approach. Best at an agency levelOption 2: General assessment re. relationship conflict: “So how do you deal with conflict in your relationship?”


The CDVC Screening QuestionThe CDVC Screening Question

“Domestic violence and the threat of violence in the home is a problem for many and can directly affect their health. Abuse can take many forms: physical, emotional, sexual, financial or neglect. We routinely ask all clients/patients about domestic abuse or violence in their lives. Is this or has this been a problem for you or your child(ren) in any way?”


If a woman says yes, ask if she would like to speak further about the issue. Don’t just tell women to go to the shelter. Leaving her partner is a huge step. Most shelters have phone lines or support groups where women can get advice without leaving.Ask what strategies she uses to keep herself and her children safeOffer to take her through a safety plan.


Ways to introduce the topicWays to introduce the topic

Lead into the issue sensitively, but be prepared to be direct.Avoid asking about “domestic violence,” “woman abuse” or “partner” abuse. Many women do not identify themselves as “abused” or “victims”but they will admit to having been hit, threatened or restricted from certain activities.


Variety of Safety Plans (Davies, Lyon & Monti-Catania, 1998)

Variety of Safety Plans (Davies, Lyon & Monti-Catania, 1998)

Protection Strategies: seek to prevent and respond to physical violenceStaying Strategies: responding to risks while remaining in relationshipLeaving Strategies: responding to risks as she leaves or after she has left the relationship.


What can a Friend do?What can a Friend do?Listen and believe herAsk if there is anything you can do to helpDo not disparage her partner. Leaving a partner is a process and she may not be ready. If you criticize her partner or tell her to leave, she may no longer see you as a potential support.Be patient but act if she or her children’s safety is at risk.


What can a community member do?What can a community member do?

VolunteerPincher Creek shelter offers many programsPSSAW is coming to the Crowsnest PassEncourage schools to use violence prevention programsSpeak to your teens and children about healthy relationships and red flags


The most successful approaches to addressing IPV are coordinated at the community level involving health, justice, education etc.They also address both victims & perpetrators, amy of whom reunite with or without interventions i.e. specialized domestic violence courts are connected with treatment programs for abusive men and programs for substance abuse. Probation monitoring is key.


While rural centers do not have the number of resources that cities do, they can make a huge difference i.e. Drayton Valley, Camrose, Wetaskiwin…Any plan to better address domestic violence can help abused women & children and their assaultive partners and even save lives.That is the focus for the rest of today…


Contact InformationContact Information

For any resources from the talk, such as the safety plan document, email me at:[email protected]


family violence: what is it & what can we do to help? pincher creek dvat leslie m. tutty...

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