famous quotes about wives

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    Famous Quotes about Wives

    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must

    be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

    David Bissonette

    ********

    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let

    him keep her.

    Sacha Guitry

    ********

    After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they

    just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

    Hemant Joshi

    ********

    By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you

    get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

    Socrates

    ********

    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

    Dumas

    ********

    The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is,

    "What does a woman want?

    Sigmund Freud

    ********

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    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

    Anonymous

    ********

    "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go

    to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music

    and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

    Henny Youngman

    ********

    "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

    Sam Kinison

    ********

    "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic

    banking. It's called marriage."

    James Holt McGavran

    ********

    "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the

    second one didn't."

    Patrick Murray

    ********

    Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

    1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

    2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

    Nash

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    ********

    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget

    it once...

    Anonymous

    ********

    You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

    Henny Youngman

    ********

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

    Rodney Dangerfield

    ********

    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

    Milton Berle

    ********

    Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

    Anonymous

    ********

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day

    he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You

    can have mine."

    Anonymous

    ********

    First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

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    Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

    This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people

    in various places of India ...

    1. Infosys, Bangalore :

    An employee applied for leave as follows:

    Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,

    please sanction me one-week leave.

    2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:

    From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his

    10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave mefor two days.."

    3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was

    performing his daughter's wedding:

    "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

    4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

    "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,

    please grant me 10 days leave."

    5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

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    "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not

    return, please grant me half day casual leave"

    6. An incident of a leave letter:

    "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

    7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

    "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I

    request you to leave me today"

    8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

    "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

    9. Covering note:

    "I am enclosed herewith..."

    10. Another one:

    "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

    11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

    "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at

    home I may be granted leave".

    12. Letter writing:

    "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

    13. A candidate's job application:

    "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and

    an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past

    several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am

    applying for the post.

    Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

    Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!

    ....................................

    Teacher:" What is your name?".

    Student: " Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

    Teacher:" When I ask a question in English, answer it in English."

    Student:" My name is Sunlight

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    ....................................

    Bhikari: sahab ek rupiya de do.

    Sahab: tumhe sharam nahi aati, road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.

    Bhikari: abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya

    ....................................

    Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti din bhar tumhare hathon me rehti.

    Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milt

    i.

    If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

    .......

    I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

    .......

    I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

    .......

    Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim.

    .......

    Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

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    .......

    Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

    .......

    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have

    a work station.

    .......

    By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's

    usually wrong.

    .......

    Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't

    have.

    .......

    There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    .......

    Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

    .......

    There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

    .......

    An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

    .......

    When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

    .......

    Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

    .......

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    They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.

    *******

    When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

    When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

    When I don't do it, I am lazy,

    When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

    When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

    When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

    When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

    When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

    When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

    When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

    When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

    When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

    When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

    When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

    When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

    When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

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    When I do good, my boss never remembers,

    When I do wrong, he never forgets

    BEST END IS FRI-ENDBEST STAND IS UNDER-STAND

    BEST AGE IS COLLE-AGE

    BEST WORK IS HARD-WORK

    THINK GOOD DO GOOD

    ...............................................

    Be bold when you lose and Be calm when you win.

    Your Life is a fingerprint that cannot be duplicated.

    So make the Best impression with it.

    ...............................................

    We Work for making better tomorrow.

    But When tomorrow Comes,

    Instead Of Enjoying,

    Again we Start Thinking for Better tomorrow.

    WE Never Enjoy Present.

    ENJOY TODAY

    ...............................................

    Read this

    `LIVETOGETHERE'

    What did U read?

    `LIVE TOGETHERE'

    Or

    `LIVE TO GET HERE'

    Just a beautiful way 2 say "LIFE is d way how U look n react

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    Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel

    pulling cigarette... ? "

    ************************

    Class teacher once said :

    " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

    ************************

    once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."

    ************************

    "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

    ************************

    don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be

    fallen d