February 6th, 7th and 8th, 2014Hagey Hall, Humanities Theatre

University of Waterloo

PREFACE

The end of the world is a popular place to be these days. It’s autocratic dystopias and zombie-studded wastelands aplenty in movies, video games and TV shows, so it’s no surprise that Armageddon was the pick of the FASS Theatre Company. Naturally, what you are about to see tonight is the definitive take on the subject, choc-a-bloc full of metaphor and meaning, pearls of wisdom and sagacity. CBC art critics will be discussing it for years. Once you’ve seen it, you’ll never look at the apocalypse the same way.

In the spring of 2013 we began this odyssey toward mutual annihilation, and I had the privilege of taking the depraved ramblings of dozens of prophetic mad men and women--also known as the writing team--and slowly turning them (the ramblings, not the mad men and women) into script form. We planned, we laughed, we cheered, and sometimes we looked at each other like we were hideous tentacled aliens. It all worked out in the end.

Many thanks to everyone who contributed to making this script the amazing piece of bizarre hilarity that you’ll see tonight!

- Kit Kreider, FASS 2014 Chief Script Writer

MESSAGE FROM THE DIRECTOR

In the past seven years, I’ve acted, sung, and danced. I’ve been on the writing team and was even Chief Script Writer for FASS 2010. But in all that time, I’d never been part of the production team and with my lovely husband assuming the mantle of CSW for this year’s show, it seemed natural that I try my hand at directing.

Of course, my close connection to the CSW had its drawbacks, like some long nights of scene editing when the script was being wrapped. But it also meant that I was in a unique position of being able to see the script through its entirety, from brainstorming to stage, which has been an amazing experience. It was also great to write things that I wanted to see on stage. It’s like presents to now-me from past-me! I’d like to thank the writing team for writing such a funny script, my amazing production team for making everything happen and keeping me organized, and you - the audience - for coming to see the show. You’re the reason we do this crazy show every year! We hope you’ll enjoy the show, and maybe join us for FASS 2015!

- Anna Kreider, FASS 2014 Director

PART ONE

1-0: An Inspiration To Us AllDennis Tito ........................................................................... Raheem AdamMajor Tom ............................................................................ Harrison GrossEllie ...................................................................................... Tanisha RajputGeneral Con Fusion ................................................................ Nigel CampsElizabeth ............................................................................ Veronica ParkesMission Control .................. Rachel Conway, Gavin Craig, Jenn GayowskySandy Which .................................................................. Stefan VerveniotisSnow Din ..................................................................................Ten Bradley

1-1: Mayans In SpacePlayne Syte ................................................................................Evan JonesUkan Tseme ........................................................................ Susan KleisathHan Tony Ninja ....................................................................Emily CrawfordMontezuma ................................................................Alexandra CarruthersCamazotz ............................................................................. Polly EdwardsIxim ................................................................................. Amanda AndrewsAwilix ......................................................................... Mark Jackson-BrownHun-Batz ....................................................................................... Brian FoxQuetzalcoatl ......................................................................... Nicole DelvilleFrank Sinatra ..............................................................Sean VanderHaydenConrad Flickt .................................................................. R. Brent ClementsJenny Craig ..........................................................................Alisha CormierMort Ishyn ......................................................................... Sarah RodriguesBo Bonnik ..................................................................................Cody Rawn

OPENING NUMBER: “The Safety FASS”(To “The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats)

SONG: “Summoning Up The Voice”(To “Rolling In The Deep” by Adele)SOLOISTS: Nicole Delville, Alexandra CarruthersDANCERS: Alexandra Carruthers, Mark Jackson-Brown, Brian Fox, Amanda Andrews, Polly Edwards (Evan Jones, Susan Kleisath, Emily Crawford)

Vignette 1: SDIGeneral Con Fusion ................................................................ Nigel CampsNancy Reagan ..........................................................................Ten Bradley

1-2: Bob’s Your AntiMary Jane ...................................................................... Riddhi G. DastidarMac Luv ................................................................................. Amos BorattoAunt Bee Otic .........................................................................Ainslie MoorsGus Tronemik ......................................................................Jeremy SharpeGal Efrey ...............................................................................Komal SandhuStompin’ Tom ..................................................................... Mike NeufegliseRita MacNeil ...........................................................................Rachel LewisAlanis Morissette .................................................................. Polly Edwards

1-3: Committee MeetingMay Pultree .......................................................................... Kaitlyn DemasiSam Eygel ...................................................................Heather MacDonaldEarl Grey .............................................................................. Sri Ram PrinceVladimir Putin ................................................................... Rami FinkelshteinFreida Em ..............................................................................Evelyn BarberConstance Plank ................................................................ Rachel ConwayConrad Flickt .................................................................. R. Brent ClementsHarry Chust .............................................................................Arya Thakrar

SONG: “Apocalypse Waltz”(To “The Log Driver’s Waltz” by Captain Tractor)SOLOISTS: Mike Neufeglise, Rachel Lewis, Polly EdwardsDANCERS: Riddhi G. Dastidar, Amos Boratto, Ainslie Moors, Jeremy Sharpe

SONG: “Good Night Moon”(To “One Last Night” by Jesse Labelle)SOLOISTS: Kaitlyn Demasi, Rachel Conway, Rami Finkelshtein, Heather MacDonald, Evelyn BarberDANCERS: Kaitlyn Demasi, Rachel Conway, Rami Finkelshtein, Heather MacDonald, Evelyn Barber, Riddhi G. Dastidar,Amos Boratto, Ainslie Moors, Jeremy Sharpe

Vignette 2: Murder Most FowlBo Bonnick ................................................................................Cody RawnAvi Anne .............................................................................. Sri Ram PrinceRian Gooseling ......................................................................... Karl ZaryskiClubbed Goose Gus ................................................................ Gavin Craig

The shadowy might of Goosezilla was provided by the Band.

1-4: Kool-AidSarah Connor ..................................................................... Rachel ConwayBuffy Summers ....................................................................Natasha BenkoKon Surt .......................................................................... Amanda AndrewsBee Shael ...........................................................................Jenn GayowskyWulf Weir ..................................................................................Jason TarkaHowell Adamun ............................................................... Sidney McMahonHarry Chust .............................................................................Arya ThakrarLex Pendible ........................................................................... Anna KreiderMichael Bay ................................................................................ Sean HuntTransformer .................................................................... Stefan Verveniotis

Vignette 3: Please Sir, I Want Some MoreJenny Craig ..........................................................................Alisha CormierDon Teet ................................................................................Richard Mack

“The Mayans predicted the Apocalypse? Well, they certainly didn’t see the Spanish coming.”

“I’m kind of stoked about the end of the world just to see what Google does with its home page.”

“The Mayan Apocalypse is a welcome distraction from the actual impending apocalypse caused by climate change.”

“People are making jokes about the apocalypse like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Brace yourselves. A new armageddon date is about to be released.”

1-5: It’s Apocalypse DayFrank Sinatra ..............................................................Sean VanderHeydenConrad Flickt .................................................................. R. Brent ClementsJenny Craig ..........................................................................Alisha CormierMort Ishyn ......................................................................... Sarah RodriguesBo Bonnik ..................................................................................Cody RawnFranz ....................................................................................... Nigel CampsMary Jane ...................................................................... Riddhi G. DastidarMac Luv ................................................................................. Amos BorattoAunt Bee Otic .........................................................................Ainslie MoorsGus Tronemik ......................................................................Jeremy SharpeStomping Tom ................................................................... Mike NeufegliseRita MacNeil ...........................................................................Rachel LewisAlanis Morissette .................................................................. Polly EdwardsMichael Jackson .................................................................Kyle RemingtonMichael Bubbly .................................................................... Marlon SaraviaMichael Bubbly’s Fans ........................ Heather Isenegger, Christos Lolas,................................................................ Natasha Benko, Rachel Conway,.................................................................... Evelyn Barber, Emily CrawfordOSPCA Officer .............................................................Heather MacDonaldPolice ............................................................................. Heather Isenegger

INTERMISSION

SONG: “It’s Apocalypse Day / End Of The World”(To “It’s A Beautiful Day” by Michael Bublé and “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra)SOLOISTS: Marlon Saravia, Sean VanderHeydenSINGERS / DANCERS: Sean VanderHeyden, R. Brent Clements, Alisha Cormier, Sarah Rodrigues, Cody Rawn, Nigel Camps, Riddhi G. Dastidar, Amos Boratto, Ainslie Moors, Jeremy Sharpe, Mike Neufeglise, Rachel Lewis, Polly Edwards, Kyle Remington, Marlon Saravia, Heather Isenegger, Christos Lolas, Natasha Benko, Rachel Conway, Evelyn Barber, Emily Crawford

PART TWO

2-1: This Is The WhimperEm Nesia .............................................................................. Ainsley MunroRex Posishun .......................................................................Emily CrawfordMory Gee ........................................................................... Chris AlexanderKenny Baal ................................................................Michael L. DavenportTim Travolor ......................................................................... Marlon SaraviaRandy .................................................................................Kyle RemingtonTrey Dimark ....................................................................... Matthew ThorneExtra 1 ...................................................................................... Gavin CraigExtra 2 ..................................................................................Alisha CormierHerman Yes ............................................................................ Nigel CampsDominatrix ........................................................................ Sarah RodriguesHedonist Extras ........................................ Polly Edwards, Nadia Novikova,.....................................................................Evelyn Barber, Susan Kleisath.......................................................... Matthew Wiebe, Heather MacDonald

Vignette 4: Epic No-Meal TimeStar Vyn ....................................................................................... Ian Baxter

SONG: “We’ll All Die”(To “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi)SOLOIST: Ainsley MunroDANCERS: Ainsley Munro, Emily Crawford, Chris Alexander, Michael L. Davenport, Marlon Saravia, Kyle Remington, Matthew Thorne, Gavin Craig, Alisha Cormier, NIgel Camps, Sarah Rodrigues, Polly Edwards, Nadia Novikova, Evelyn Barber, Susan Kleisath, Matthew Wiebe, Heather MacDonald

“It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine”- R.E.M. (band)

“I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. And in the night. And the evening. And during tea time. And for dinner.”

- Apocalypse Now (film)

2-2: The Cockroach PackEkchuah ................................................................................Komal SandhuAya Padd ....................................................................... Heather IseneggerMo Ran ......................................................................Michael L. DavenportGuy Fox .................................................................................... Karl ZaryskiNiveh Hurda ....................................................................... Matthew WiebeFrank Sinatra 2.0 .........................................................Vanessa WainwrightHowdy Dewit .............................................................Michael L. DavenportGregor ..................................................................................Jason NeudorfMontezuma ................................................................Alexandra CarruthersBuzz Wyrd ..................................................................... Heather IseneggerTrey Dimark ....................................................................... Matthew ThorneEvolving Triffids ........................................... Emily Crawford, Rachel Lewis

Vignette 5: Foodies In SpaaaaaaaceMajor Tom ............................................................................ Harrison GrossEllie ...................................................................................... Tanisha RajputSandy Which .................................................................. Stefan Verveniotis

2-3 Hungry GamesIvy Leak .......................................................................Heather MacDonaldZed En ...........................................................................................Eric TranMabel Leen ................................................................................Glen MartinNevada Smith ............................................................................Evan JonesFozzie III ................................................................................Evelyn BarberThomas Kwon ...................................................................... Susan KleisathKat Schroding ....................................................................... Christos LolasTyra Slopes ............................................................................. Anna KreiderMike Puffy .................................................................................... Tony WolfFrank Sinatra 2.0 .........................................................Vanessa WainwrightThe Spanish Inquisition .............................................................. Sean HuntSy Sadman .......................................................................... Raheem AdamToaster Man ............................................................... Mark Jackson-BrownBull Zie ................................................................................ Matthew Wiebe

SONG: “Now’s The Best Time To Be Wicked”(To “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” by Cage The Elephant)SINGERS / DANCERS: Matthew Wiebe, Matthew Thorne, Karl Zaryski

Vignette 6: Get TestedBanana Jo .............................................................................Evelyn BarberCharlie .................................................................................. Christos LolasGates Zum .................................................................................... Brian Fox

2-4: CrackedPenny Bick ..........................................................................Nadia NovikovaSal Dizluv .............................................................................Wallace ChengHaylee Sin ..........................................................................Sacha KoohgoliBrett Hear ........................................................................Jason HendersonGopher It ...................................................................................Glen MartinLorrie Selshun ....................................................................... Christos LolasDixon Ticonderoga ................................................................... Gavin CraigTrey Dimark ....................................................................... Matthew Thorne

Vignette 7: With Fronds Like These...Lief Enblum .............................................................................Jessica DashHeath Thistle ...................................................................... Chris AlexanderReina Van Bloom ............................................................. Sidney McMahon

SONG: “What Does The Triffid Say?”(To “What Does The Fox Say?” by Ylvis)SINGERS / DANCERS: Jessica Dash, Chris Alexander, Sidney McMahon

2-5: This Is How The World Ends...AgainNorm Ell ..............................................................................Kyle RemingtonDee Pliss .............................................................................Sacha KoohgoliAya Suck ..................................................................................... Ian BaxterHoward Deale ........................................................................... Gilad IsraeliNotty Bush ...................................................................... Stefan VerveniotisIma Plante ................................................................................... Drini CamiAunt Thrax .....................................................................................Eric TranSir Viver ...................................................................................... Sean HuntEm Nesia .............................................................................. Ainsley MunroFrank Sinatra 2.0 .........................................................Vanessa WainwrightDizzy Juis ............................................................................Emily CrawfordEva Greene ...........................................................................Alisha CormierMajor Tom ............................................................................ Harrison GrossEllie ...................................................................................... Tanisha RajputParis Hilton ........................................................................ Sophie Twardus

EXTRAS: Mike Neufeglise, Tony Wolf, Susan Kleisath, Matthew Thorne, Sidney McMahon, Evan Jones, Nadia Novikova, Nigel Camps, Brian Fox, Glen Martin, Veronica Parkes, Marlon Saravia, Heather MacDonald, Heather Isenegger

CLOSING NUMBER: “No One Survived”(To “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor)

SONG: “As Long As You Have Bad Memories”(To “As Long As You Love Me” by Justin Bieber and “Bad Ro-mance” by Lady Gaga)SOLOISTS: Ainsley Munro, Vanessa WainwrightDANCERS: Gilad Israeli, Ian Baxter, Kyle Remington, Sean Hunt, Stefan Verveniotis, Eric Tran, Sri Ram Prince, Sacha Koohgoli

THE BAND“The Ferocious Pestilence of the Discordant Unicorn

Spleens...and their Spastic Raptor”Music Director (a.k.a. “The Spastic Raptor”) ...................... Meghan GreenKeyboard .............................................................................. Nicole SimoneGuitars ...........................................................Daniel Viggiani, Rahul MehtaBass Guitar ........................................................................... Julie SturgeonDrums .................................................................................. Quade NielsenFlute ................................................................Jess Rollings, Richard MackClarinet .........................................................Hugh Bousfield, Elizabeth LiuAlto Saxophone ........................................................ Mark Jackson-Brown, .................................................................. Susan Kleisath, Sacha KoohgoliTenor Saxophone ...............................Jess Rollings, Michael L. DavenportBaritone Saxophone ..................................................Michael L. DavenportTrumpet ......................................................George Baxter, Sri Ram PrinceFrench Horn ............................................................................Rachel LewisTrombone ......................................................... Sarah Gawley, Cody RawnViola .....................................................................................Jeremy SharpeCello ..................................................................................Sarah Dela CruzKeytar .................................................................................... Henry TruongTuba .........................................................................................Ten Bradley

CREDITS

FASS 2014 COMMITTEEPresident ...................................................................Michael L. DavenportVice President .......................................................................Evelyn BarberProducers ............................................................ Lily Horne, Katey BenderTreasurer .......................................................................... Sarah RodriguesSecretary .................................................................................... Sean HuntChief Script Writer ...................................................................... Kit KreiderDirector ................................................................................... Anna KreiderTechnical Director ................................................................. Anton MarkovStage Manager ..................................................................Colleen ColbeckRepresentatives ......................................... Susan Kleisath, Nicole Simone,.........................................................................Corey Cohen, Sean GraftonPast President ...................................................................Colleen ColbeckPast Producers .................................... Kelsey Burton, Joscelyn AlexanderPast Director ......................................................................... Christos LolasPast Stage Manager .............................................................. Katey BenderPast Technical Director ..................................................... Chris AlexanderPast Chief Script Writer ......................................................Michael Omand

CREATIVE STAFFDirector ................................................................................... Anna KreiderAssistant Directors ........................................ Michael To, Nadia Novikova,............................................................ Rami Finkelshtein, Sarah RodriguesMusic Director ..................................................................... Meghan GreenVocal Coach ........................................................................ Diana SkrzydloAssistant Vocal Coaches .................................................Colleen Matthews................................... Mary Catherine McNinch-Pazzano, Matthew WiebeSong Arrangements .............................................Joseph Horan (1-2, 2-2), ...................................................Dennis Pankov (1-3), Nicole Simone (1-5)Stage Manager ..................................................................Colleen ColbeckAssistant SMs ..................... Megan Redwood, Sean Grafton, Jason LynchTechnical Director ................................................................. Anton MarkovChoreographer ................................................................... Rachel ConwayAssistant Choreographers ...........................Polly Edwards, Susan Kleisath

PRODUCTIONProducers ............................................................ Lily Horne, Katey BenderProduction Team ..............................................Alex Lake, Marcus Kelbert,...................................................................................Michael L. DavenportPoster and T-Shirt Design ........................................................... Lily HorneProgramme ............................................................. Evan Jones, Lily HornePoster and Programme Printing ..............................................M&T PrintingT-Shirt Printing ................................................. Traces Screen Printing Ltd.Social Media Promotion ...................................... Katey Bender, Lily Horne, ............................................... Mark Jackson-Brown, Michael L. Davenport

WRITING TEAMChief Script Writer ...................................................................... Kit KreiderWriters .......................Alicia Mah, Anna Kreider, Anton Markov, Brian Fox,............................................ Christos Lolas, Cody Rawn, Colleen Colbeck,.......................... Corey Cohen, David Atos, Ethan Chartrand, Evan Jones,............................................ Gavin Craig, Heather Bigelow, Henry Truong,......................................... James Davis Nicoll, Jamie Bragg, Jason Tarka,......................................Jenn Gayowsky, Jessica Schmidt, Joseph Horan,.................................Josh Cameron, Josh Hoey, Kara Nagel, Karl Zaryski,............................................ Katey Bender, Kelsey Burton, Komal Sandhu,.................................... Lily Horne, Mark Jackson-Brown, Matthew Thorne,...................................Michael L. Davenport, Michael Omand, Michael To,...................................... Nadia Navikova, Nicole Simone, Rachel Conway,.................................... Rami Finkelshtein, Sacha Koohgoli, Sarah Gawley,.....................................................Sean Grafton, Sean Hunt, Simon Parent,................Stephen “Snuggles” Skrzydlo, Susan Kleisath, Wes Campaigne

TECH CREWTechnical Director ................................................................. Anton MarkovAssistant Technical Director .....................................................Jason TarkaLighting Design .................................................................Colleen ColbeckLighting Board Operators .......................Catherine Wang, Peter B. CaretteSound Effects Design ............................. Amos Boratto, R. Brent ClementsSound Effects Operators ........................... Amos Boratto, Sarah Dela CruzSound Setup ................................................................... R. Brent ClementsSound Mixing ....................................... Matthew Wiebe, R. Brent ClementsGraphic Design ...........................................Nadia Novikova, Corey CohenFly Operators ..................................... Ainsley Munro, Sean VanderHeydenProps Manager .....................................................................Carolyn GalvinHead Of Costumes .................................................................Lisa MassaroCostumes Assistant ................................................................ Melinda MahCostumes ........................................................ Raheem Adam, Alicia Mah,.................................................................... Melinda Mah, Judy Alexander,........................................ Kaitlyn Demasi, Rachel Conway, Christos Lolas,................................ Jason Neudorf, Wes Campaigne, James Davis Nicoll......................................Mark Jackson-Brown, Caroline Mclachlan DarlingMake-up .............................................. Lisa Massaro, Vanessa WainwrightHair ..................................................................................... Rachel ConwayKey Grip ............................................................................Jackie RobinsonAssistant Key Grips ................................................................ Corey CohenGrips ...................................Anton Markov, Clara Walker, Chris Alexander, ......................................................Glen Martin, Gilad Israeli, M. J. Watson, ...................................... Nyssa Tilford, Mark Karantayer, Sarah Dela Cruz,.............................................Heather Isenegger, Karl Zaryski, Lara Videau..................................................................... Jason Tarka, Veronica ParkesBuilders/Painters .................................Alex Lake, Brian Fox, Clara Walker,......................................... Carolyn Galvin, Chris Alexander, Christos Lolas............................................... Cody Rawn, Corey Cohen, Dan Brotherson, .................................... Daniel Viggiani, Drini Cami, Eric Tran, Evan Jones,................................................... Evelyn Barber, Gavin Craig, Gilad Israeli,......................................................Glen Martin, Ian Baxter, Jason Neudorf,.................................................. Jason Tarka, Karl Zaryski, Komal Sandhu,...............................................Lara Videau, Lino Demasi, Lukas Matthews,..................................James David Nicoll, Mark Karantayer, Melinda Mah,........................................................... Michael L. Davenport, M. J. Watson, .......................................... Nadia Ursacki, Natasha Benko, Nicole Delville,.................................................................Nyssa Tilford, Rachel Schachter,......................................Raheem Adam, Rami Finkelshtein, Richard Mack,............................................Sacha Koohgoli, Sarah Dela Cruz, Sean Hunt,........................................................Vanessa Wainwright, Wes Campaigne

SPECIAL THANKS TOThe Warriors Band, who let us use their flag and some instruments.M&T Printing for printing the posters and programs.Kinko’s for their help with printing the scripts.Peter Carette and Nadia V. Ursacki for all their help in the theatre.Jerry Smith, Larry Smith, Dan Wolczuk and Robert Mann for their special guest appearances in the show.James Davis Nicoll for his help with everything related to the show. ABOUT FASSThe FASS Theatre Company is serious about having fun - we’re a live cartoon on stage! We’ve been entertaining UW with musical comedy since 1962.

While the most fun occurs in January when over 100 cast and crew members rehearse and prepare the show just in time for February, you can join us at other times to get involved. Applications for the positions of Director, Technical Director, Producer and Treasurer are due in late February.

For more information on becoming part of the show, check us out online at http://www.fass.uwaterloo.ca. In addition, you can contact us by email at info@fass.uwaterloo.ca.

UW THEATRE CENTREDirector of Theatre Operations ............................................... Peter CaretteFront of House Manager ................................................... Nadia V. Ursacki

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO SEE THE SHOW!

WE HOPE TO SEE YOU BACK NEXT YEAR!

FASS.UWATERLOO.CA