fertility road - bubbles and bumps

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Fertility Road

Anti-social media

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WORDS: Camilla Davies

For many going through the pain of infertility, social media is a ray of light over a sea of darkness. But in our efforts to add a layer of gloss onto even the most mundane of life events, is the true impact of Facebook not in what we reveal, but in what we don’t reveal?

For Simone Tai from Liverpool, that was definitely the case. Through building an online friendship with Southern Californian Camella Gorman, in which the pair grew to become transatlantic soul-mates – something which sparked their excellent Bubbles and Bumps blog – plotting a route through social media’s half-truths has been a thoroughly cathartic experience, as Fertility Road reveals.

“Cam and I are great friends and we had been going through fertility problems at the same time, so we would often find ourselves chatting about how each other was doing,” says Simone. “We were always comparing notes, searching the internet and trying to find stories which related to our own situations.”

Random chance then saw Simone and her husband relocate to within close proximity of Cam in LA in May 2014. But fortune was to turn against the two friends when bot suffered miscarriages in quick succession. Fate had drawn them even closer together, albeit not in the way they would have hoped.

“We were so excited to be living near each other, but then at the same time we were going through this really sad and stressful time. We got on so well anyway, and what materialised really did bond us even more.”

And it was this bond that led the pair to start their blog, Bubbles and

Bumps. “We knew we were lucky to have each other to discuss these things, but did others have the same sort of support? The blog started when we noting down tips... things that helped us, but it grew from there and we found it therapeutic to write about our journeys.

“We thought it might help a couple of people but it seems to have really touched so many, especially my post about Facebook.”

Indeed, Simone’s startling honesty in respect of her Facebook updates have struck a real chord with sufferers, and even those not going through infertility.

“I’ve had people contacting me to tell me they’ve got divorced or are having problems that they would love to be open about but they’re just too scared.

“Ultimately, I think the Facebook content resonated because people could relate to the sense of living a bit of a fake life on there. You want to let people know everything’s good and fine, but there’s always something going wrong – that’s life.”

Simone and Cam now use the blog to discuss IVF, blood tests, scans and checkups, whilst also discussing nutrition, recipes, fitness and emotions.

“The internet helps you find likeminded people, and that’s an amazing thing because it is so important that we don’t all have to deal with these emotions alone. We want everyone to know there are solutions; we want to hear other people’s stories. Saying ‘okay that person was trying for four years and they went through all this and I’m not the only one’ can be such a big boost. It doesn’t guarantee success for someone, but it may just offer that extra bit of comfort.”

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“The internet helps you find likeminded people, and that’s an amazing thing because it is so important that we don’t all have to deal with these emotions alone. We want everyone to know there are solutions; we want to hear other people’s stories.”

“The events of April and May were so emotionally draining we took a step back from living and breathing IVF and tried to settle into our new life. Hey, who knows, we may even get pregnant naturally.”

Simone Tai with Camella GormanDear Facebook, I’ve been keeping a secret from you

JANUARY 2014, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘In your face Christmas calories’ was my first update of the year because I forced myself to go for a frosty run around Clapham Common. It was resolutions time and shedding the festive flab was

number one on the list.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘One year of trying to get pregnant with sweet nothing in return. But I’m healthy, young, I do yoga... what the hell is going on?’

After a series of failures, scans and tests, doctors are confused as to why my partner and I are not getting pregnant. And after exploring every other option (ovulation tracking, acupuncture, legs in the air etc) we’re advised to try IVF. My real number one new year’s resolution? Make a test tube baby.

FEBRUARY, FACEBOOK STATUS:

I wrote about being ‘proud of my husband’ and posted a news article about him leaving the BBC for a new job in LA. We were both excited about the move but didn’t have long to pack – he

started his new position in just eight weeks!

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘Stress alert! Moving to a new country a few weeks after IVF’

There was a lot going on this month and the pressure was starting to show, especially as I was now having to inject myself daily with a cocktail of drugs. I had no idea what I was doing and Googling ‘how to inject painlessly’ only brought up a selection of anxiety inducing fertility forums or drug rehabilitation centres. Neither very helpful.


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Anti-social media Anti-social media


MARCH, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘Sad leaving drinks’

This was the month of goodbyes - the end of an era and an emotional time leaving my job, my home, my friends and my family.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘I’m pregnant!’ Behind the sadness of leaving our friends and family there was joy at last. We finally had a positive pregnancy test and were thrilled. All we wanted to do was shout it from the rooftops but had to keep hush hush until the three-month scan.

APRIL, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘The only way to see Paris is on a Segway’

My mum and I have a birthday in the same week so I took her to Paris to celebrate along with my cousin and auntie. We Segway toured

around the city like a group of annoying tourists, ate cheese and croissants like there was no tomorrow and came home double our body weight. Ooh la la.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘Broken hearted’

Shortly after arriving back from France (and two days before moving to LA) we went for our seven-week scan. My husband and I were beyond excited and even had a short list of baby names. As the monitor lit up we were in awe as we saw the outline of our baby but as fast as we gasped ‘ahhhh’ the doctor put her hand on my knee and said ‘I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat’. She sent us home and said to expect to miscarry naturally within two weeks. We spent the next few days immersed in a cloud of shock, grief and confusion.

MAY, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘Get ready Vegas’

Our move to LA was christened with the obligatory trip to Vegas. We came back broken and broke but the temporary distraction was

exactly what we needed.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘Off to hospital for D&C so the doctors can remove our baby’

I was told that if my body didn’t naturally miscarry within a fortnight then I should have the foetus removed by doctors to prevent infection. That two-week wait felt like two years and to make things worse the hormones raging around my body turned me into a devil bitch. We booked into UCLA hospital where I was treated by a bunch of junior doctors who took around 20 attempts to simply draw blood. It was a horrible experience made worse when we received an extortionate bill for the procedure that we were definitely not expecting. Welcome to America.

JUNE, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘How can I focus in yoga when Charlize Theron is downward dogging next to me?’

After two months living in LA without a decent celeb spot yet I hit the jackpot. I’m not easily

star struck but Charlize is up there, she’s stunning and she’s great at yoga. Jealous. I could barely concentrate on my vinyasa and left with a sore neck from checking her out. She can’t be real?

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘We’re on a break (from fertility treatment)’

The events of April and May were so emotionally draining we took a step back from living and breathing IVF and tried to settle into our new life. Hey, who knows, we may even get pregnant naturally.

Simone Tai with Camella Gorman


JULY, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘A few laps around the block and I’ve passed - no wonder there are so many crashes in LA’

I proudly let friends know I passed my California driving test and it was super easy.

Not quite sure how it took my husband three attempts… but that’s our secret!

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘If only getting pregnant was as easy as passing your driving test’

We try to conceive naturally but, surprise surprise, no joy. Even though it was a long shot, we still felt sad and dejected about having failed yet again.


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2014


“My doctor is now focused on increasing our embryo quality for the next round so has given us several more ‘antioxidants’ to add to our epic list and has some other tactics up his sleeve including growth hormones. Yey, more injections! I hope I don’t turn into a muscle Mary.”

“Time for new tactics, I start hormone stimulating injections all over again but this time we try artificial insemination (IUI) which involves a quick trip to the doctors so they can wash (filter) and inseminate (squirt) the best sperm directly into my uterus.”

AUGUST, FACEBOOK STATUS :

‘First time we go sailing and see dolphins!’

I put up photos of our ocean boat ride where we saw a beautiful family of dolphins. It was magical.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘First time to try a new fertility drug: Clomid’

The last thing I wanted to do was go through another round of injections so our doctor suggested this less invasive method. It’s a tablet that stimulates the ovaries to produce more eggs. We went into it with trepidation as one of the well-known side effects is divorce (it can send you loopy) but luckily I was only a medium on the psycho Richter scale. Result? Fail. Cry. What’s next doc?

SEPTEMBER, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘Family visiting time’

We were so excited to have family visit us and spent time doing Hollywood touristy trips. We also travelled to The Joshua Tree National Park to see my father in law give a talk about his amazing books.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘Turkey basting time’

Time for new tactics, I start hormone stimulating injections all over again but this time we try artificial insemination (IUI) which involves a quick trip to the doctors so they can wash (filter) and inseminate (squirt) the best sperm directly into my uterus. A bit like buying ‘fast track’ tickets at the theme park. Two weeks later… I’m pregnant! One week later I’m not.

Anti-social media Anti-social media


OCTOBER, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘Pumpkin carving time’

It was our first experience of Halloween in America and it felt like the biggest event of the year. We went full throttle of course and did

everything from pumpkin carving to dressing up as dead people for a costume party.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘Another IUI. Another fail’

All I wanted was to guzzle a bottle of wine or two but because of my new ‘healthy fertility’ diet I couldn’t even do that. This sucked.

NOVEMBER, FACEBOOK STATUS:

‘Turned into a smoothie addict’

November was health kick month (even though we were already living like monks) as we bought a blender and made daily fruit smoothies. I also tried out some new fitness classes like aerial

yoga, trampoline, kickboxing and pole dancing – wow I have a whole new appreciation for those girls.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘IVF round two but now the meds aren’t working. How come?’

I take two rounds of injections a day to stimulate my eggs but my ovaries refuse to budge. Stubborn, just like me. My doctor even recommended I stop taking the meds but with only a few days to go I decided to continue – I topped it off with a few acupuncture sessions – and it was a complete turnaround. I produced 10 eggs and we fertilised eight. Things were looking good!

DECEMBER, FACEBOOK STATUS

‘I miss all my friends and family in the UK! Christmas isn’t the same in the sun’

We had our first Christmas in LA; it was sad being away from our family but thankfully Cam’s

parents invited us over for a delicious festive feast.

FERTILITY STATUS:

‘IVF fails again. I don’t know how much more of this I can take’

Even though we started out with eight embryos, none of them survived - another crushing emotional blow. My doctor is now focused on increasing our embryo quality for the next round so has given us several more ‘antioxidants’ to add to our epic list and has some other tactics up his sleeve including growth hormones. Yey, more injections! I hope I don’t turn into a muscle Mary.

2015

So there it is – my heart and soul on a sleeve. 2014 was tough but it was also a wonderful year with some incredible memories. Despite all of the knockbacks I’m still feeling positive and believe that it will happen for us.

As for 2015? We plan to start IVF again soon. I’ll keep you from the gory details for now as I’m hoping I’ll simply be announcing ‘WE ARE PREGNANT’.

Without doubt this online fertility family has helped Simone express even her deepest fertility fears, and this has profoundly changed her outlook to the fertility treatment process as a whole. “In the beginning I cared about the process but I wasn’t as informed as I should have been, and I was just hoping IVF would fix it and everything would be okay. But each time it failed it made me really look at myself and say, ‘what is it that I’m doing that might not be working for me?’ So each time I’ve tried something new I regard each of those steps as a great learning curve. I do feel that helps you to go through the process too; it makes you feel stronger.”

The Bubbles and Bumps blog has helped both Simone and Cam to draw strength on their fertility journeys. Happily, Cam is now expecting her first child! Simone is approaching her third cycle of IVF and remains hugely optimistic for the future. To read more, visit bubblesandbumps.com.







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