flash - droppdf1.droppdf.com/files/qq02i/flash-rachel-anne-ridge.pdf · flash : the homeless donkey...
TRANSCRIPT
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Storiesthatteachspirituallessons,delightwithhumor,andmakemeleaninclosertoGod’sheartaremyfavorites!Andthisunlikelytreasureofabookdoesjustthat.YouwillfallinlovewithFlashandthewayRachelAnneprocessestheirstorytogether.
LYSATERKEURST,NewYork
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LYSATERKEURST,NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorofTheBestYesandpresidentofProverbs31Ministries
WhenIfirstheardthatRachelRidgehadwrittenabookaboutherfamily’sdonkey,Flash,Ihadnoideawhattoexpect.Nothingcouldhavepreparedmeforsuchadelightfulexperience!IlovedeverypageofFlash,and
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Rachelhassuchagiftforstorytellingthatyoucanabsolutelypictureeachscene.ThisbookmademelaughatFlash’santicsandcryasIidentifiedwiththelessonshehastaughtherfamilyaboutthewayGodlovesusandseesus.ThisbookwillmakeyoufallinlovewithourSavioralloveragainand,
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morethanlikely,makeyouhopeyoucanhaveyourownpetdonkeysomeday.
MELANIESHANKLE,NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorofSparklyGreenEarringsandTheAntelopeintheLivingRoom
Thisbookisadelight;it’sanhonest,funny,andencouragingreminderofthecreative,lovingwaysthat
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Godpursuesus,teachesus,andchangesus.Granted,IneverexpectedthatI’dhavesomuchincommonwithadonkey,butFlashhastaughtmemorethanIcouldhaveimagined.You’regoingtolovethisbook,andwhenyoufinishreadingit,you’regoingtowanttofollowFlash’sleadandrunwithhorses.
SOPHIEHUDSON,authorofHomeIs
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SOPHIEHUDSON,authorofHomeIsWhereMyPeopleAreandbloggeratBooMama.net
Flashisamarvelous,wonderful,funny,touching,andilluminatingbook.TheauthormakesthegooddonkeyFlashcomealiveonthepages.IagreewithRachelthatGodusesallsortsofthings—fromdogsto
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donkeys—toteachusmoreabouthimself,andallwehavetodoispayattention.
JIMKRAUS,bestsellingauthorofTheDogThatTalkedtoGod
Charming,poignant,funny,honest—RachelAnne’sjourneywithFlashthedonkeyispurereadingpleasureasshesharesherfamily’smisadventureswith
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theirfour-leggedfriend.Sheopensherhearttousaswell,helpinguslearnmemorablelessonsaboutdoinglifewithmoremeaningandpurpose.Flashisdelightfullydifferent.Ilovedit!
LIZCURTISHIGGS,bestsellingauthorofTheGirl’sStillGotIt
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Whatacharming,endearing,numinousbook—anddonkey!Fromthefirstchapter,youwillimmediatelyfallinlovewithRachelAnneRidgeandherbelovedFlash.Bythelastline,youreyeswillbeopenedtoseeingthewaysGodshowsupandrevealsHimselfinthemostunexpected—anddelightful—ways.
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LISAWHELCHEL,actressandauthorofTheFactsofLifeandFriendshipforGrown-Ups
IalwaysstandamazedatGod’sinfinitecreativity.WhenRachelandTomRidgefacedafinancialcrisis,Iwouldhavesuggestedafinancialadvisororcareercounselor.Godchosetosendahomelessdonkey.Flash
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usedhisconsiderabledonkeycharmtoteachthefamilylessonsaboutservice,faithfulness,purpose,passion,andsecondchances.Youwilllaugh(often)attheanticsofFlash.YouwillbetouchedbytheauthenticityofRachel’swritingandthedepthofthelessonsGod
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revealedthroughanabandoneddonkeywithbigearsandabiggerheart.
DAVEBURCHETT,authorofStayandWhenBadChristiansHappentoGoodPeople
Akick-in-the-pantsread!Flashismemoirplusheartwarmingandsometimesstressfulanimalstory,mixedtogetherwithspiritualtruth,
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alltemperedwithhumoratjusttherightspots.ThoughIliveinthesuburbs,thismademewanttodisobeymyneighborhood’sbylawsandgetmyselfadonkey!
MARYDEMUTH,authorofTheWallaroundYourHeart
RachelRidgehasabeautifulabilitytotakethecommonthingsoflife(likewords)and
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crafttheminsuchawaythattheyflowlikeproseandpoetry.SubmergingyourselfinFlashistobecomelostinabeautifulgalleryofherfinestart.Witheachturnofthepage,themasterstorytellersharesaglimpseofhumor,revelation,andhope.We’dallliketohaveafriendlikeFlash,faithfulandtrue.Irecommendthisbook
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toanyonewhohaseverneededatrue-bluefriend,asecondchance,orafreshperspective.
JANGREENWOOD,pastorofGatewayWomen(GatewayChurch)andauthorofWomenatWar
IbelievethatsinceCreation,GodhasusedanimalstoteachusaboutourselvesandaboutourCreator—ifwe’ll
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payattention.Rachelpaysattention,andsowillherreadersastheydelightinaquirkyandlovabledonkey,Flash.
DANDIDALEYMACKALL,authorofWinnietheHorseGentler,BackyardHorses,andtheStarlightAnimalRescueseries
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Whatintheworldcouldadonkeyteachmeaboutlife?Lots.Why?Becausedonkeysaresimplecreatureswholivesimplelives.Isn’tsimplicityexactlywhatsomanypeopleareseekingtofindamidtheirbusyandhecticexistences?Inthepagesofthisbook,youwillfind—inthelifeofRachelAnneRidgeandinthelifeofhersurprisepetdonkey
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—thatsimplicityisbeautiful.CHRYSTALHURST,coauthorofKingdomWoman
Reader,BEWARE!Bytheendofthisbookyouwillbesearchingforadonkeyforyourownpersonalgrowth!Fromnowon,everytimeIseeoneofthesemarvelouscreaturesoutinthefield,IwillthinkofFlash,andIam
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sureasmileorgigglewillfollow,forthisburroofburdenisladenwithhumorandwisdom.Rachelhasdignifiedalowlycreaturetothepointthatyouthinkitalmostnecessarytofenceinyouryard,buysomehay,andwaitforthelessonstobegin.
TINAWESSON,Survivor:TheAustralianOutback(SeasonTwo)winner
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Ilovedthiswhimsical,vulnerable,andsimplyprofoundbook!Racheltellshowabroken,lost,andstubbornanimalawakenedherawarenessofGod’svoiceinherlife.Herstorygiveshopetoanyonewhohaseverfeltinadequateorunseen.Shetakesthesimpleandmakesitshinetoencouragethereader
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tolookwithafreshperspectiveatthepotentialGodputsineachofus.
PAIGEC.GREENE,directorofAdultEvents,LifeWayChristianResources
BravotoRachelRidgeforthisbeautifullywrittenbookthatsoeloquentlyremindsusthatoureverydayhappeningsinlifecanbegreatlessons
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andblessingsindisguisefromourMaker—evenintheformofadonkey!TwothingsyouwillwantwhenyouturnthelastpageareadonkeyinyouryardandRachelasoneofyourbesties!
CINDYOWEN,GivenEntertainmentGroup
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VisitTyndaleonlineatwww.tyndale.com.
VisitTyndaleMomentumonlineatwww.tyndalemomentum.com.
TYNDALE,TyndaleMomentum,andtheTyndaleMomentumlogoareregisteredtrademarksofTyndaleHousePublishers,Inc.TyndaleMomentumisanimprintofTyndaleHousePublishers,Inc.,CarolStream,Illinois.
Flash:TheHomelessDonkeyWhoTaughtMeaboutLife,Faith,andSecondChances
Copyright©2015byRachelAnneRidge.Allrightsreserved.
Dustjacketphotographsofdonkeycopyright©ThomasRidge.Allrightsreserved.
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Coverphotographofdaisycopyright©iava777/Dollarphotoclub.Allrightsreserved.
Weatheredwoodtexturescopyright©DanaGarsonDesign.Allrightsreserved.
Unlessotherwisenoted,allotherartworkcopyright©RachelAnneRidge.Allrightsreserved.
DesignedbyStephenVosloo
EditedbyBonneSteffen
PublishedinassociationwiththeliteraryagencyofWilliamK.JensenLiteraryAgency,119BamptonCourt,Eugene,OR97404.
Unlessotherwiseindicated,allScripturequotationsaretakenfromtheHolyBible,NewLivingTranslation,copyright©1996,2004,2007,2013byTyndaleHouse
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Foundation.UsedbypermissionofTyndaleHousePublishers,Inc.,CarolStream,Illinois60188.Allrightsreserved.
ScripturequotationsmarkedNKJVaretakenfromtheNewKingJamesVersion,®copyright©1982byThomasNelson,Inc.Usedbypermission.Allrightsreserved.
ScripturequotationsmarkedTLBaretakenfromTheLivingBible,copyright©1971byTyndaleHouseFoundation.UsedbypermissionofTyndaleHousePublishers,Inc.,CarolStream,Illinois60188.Allrightsreserved.
ScripturequotationsmarkedESVaretakenfromTheHolyBible,EnglishStandardVersion®(ESV®),copyright©2001by
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Crossway,apublishingministryofGoodNewsPublishers.Usedbypermission.Allrightsreserved.
Somenamesanddetailshavebeenchangedfortheprivacyoftheindividualsinvolved.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Ridge,RachelAnne.Flash:thehomelessdonkeywhotaughtmeaboutlife,faith,andsecondchances/RachelAnneRidge.pagescmISBN978-1-4143-9783-2(hc)1.Animals—Religiousaspects—Christianity.2.Human-animalrelationships.3.Donkeys—Miscellanea.I.Flash(Donkey)II.Title.BV4596.A54R532015
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242—dc232015000012
ISBN978-1-4964-0666-8(ePub);ISBN978-1-4143-9788-7(Kindle);ISBN978-1-4964-0667-5(Apple)
Build:2015-04-2210:53:03
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ForTom,mybestfriend.
AndforLauren,Meghan,andGrayson,
mygreatestgifts.
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Contents
Foreword
Prologue
Chapter1:AnUnexpectedGuest
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Chapter2:What’sinaName?
Chapter3:TheArcticBlast
Chapter4:FlashRunswithHorses
Chapter5:APastureRomance
Chapter6:SureandSteadyTrails
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Chapter7:AMatterofPaternity
Chapter8:WhentheRainStopped
Chapter9:BarnManagement
Chapter10:ChangeComesCalling
Chapter11:Beau
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Chapter12:“That’sSomeDonkey”
Chapter13:AnUnlikelyAnswer
LessonsfromFlash
Q&AwithRachelAnneRidge
Acknowledgments
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DiscussionQuestions
AbouttheAuthor
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Foreword
Goodbooksarelikegoodfriends—difficulttofind.Manycanlookpromisingatthebeginning,onlytodisappointsomewheredowntheline.Evenwhenabookis
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recommendedbyapersonyoutrust,youcanneverbesureyou’llexperiencethesameconnection,thatthetwoofyouwillhititoff.
Yetsometimes—oftenforreasonsyoucan’tquiteputafingeron—youchoosetoopenitup,andopenyourselfuptoit.Andeverynowandthen,you’resurprisedand
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thankfulatthewarmth,thejoy,theexcitementandpleasureyoudiscoverinside.
I’vehadtheprivilegeoffindingboth—goodbooksandgoodfriends.AndI’mgiddywithjoytointroduceyoutoacoupleofthem.
Rachelcameintomylifeoveradecadeagowithafriendshipsopureandlastingandimpactfulthatithasmade
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meabetterperson.Notintheorybutinreal,tangible,practicalways.She’staughtmehowtolookforanddiscovertheprofoundbeautytuckedawayinsimplicity,thelovelydetailsthatsomeoneelsemightmissbecausethey’retoobusyortootiredortooself-absorbedtocare.
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TheselittlenuancesoflifeareRachel’streasures.I’vewatchedhertakethemundaneandroutine,thecommonplaceandplain,andsqueezedropsofsurprisinggoodnessandvitalityfromthemuntileveryoneinhersphereissaturatedwithhopeandlove.Sherecreateswhatotherswoulddiscard,turningitintosomethingmemorable
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andworthcapturing.From
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herperspective,everythingisbuddingwithendlessandimmensepossibility.
Soadecadeagowhenshedroveuptoanunkempt1970sfarmhouse,shesawonlytheblossomingpotentialofacozy,tenderplaceherfamilycouldcallhome.Andsheloveditandcaredforituntilitwas.
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Yearslater,whenherseconddaughtermetthemanofherdreams,Racheltransformedaweed-filled,neglectedacreofgroundintoalushcarpetofgreeneryarchedwithluxuriousfoliagetowelcome250guestsandawalkdowntheaisle.
Andthereception.Oh,thereception!Atimeworn,misshapenbarnbecamea
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vintageparadisehungwithchandeliersanddainty,twinklingwhitelightsthatseemedtodancetothebeatofthemusic,likefluffsofwhitedandelions,blownloosefromtheirstemsandcarriedawayontheeveningbreeze.
ThisisRachel’sway.Creatinggoodnesswherethereseemstobenonein
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sight.AndsowhenFlash
showedup—whenhesaunteredupherquarter-miledriveway,lost,dazed,frightened,andwonderingwherehisnextmealwouldcomefrom—he’djustmoseyedunawareintothewide-openarmsofgrace.IntothearmsofRachelRidge.Theonewhoseesbeauty
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everywhereandineverything.Eveninadirty,hungry,unwanted,displaceddonkey.
Hewashome.Rachelandherhusband,
Tom,lookedforFlash’sownerforawhile.Imean,canyoublamethem?Whoneedsadonkeyaroundtobrushandfeedandtakecareof?Butthendaysfoldedinto
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weeks,andthoseweeksdisappearedintomonths,andsuddenlyyearshadgoneby—andFlashwasapermanentfixture.Yardart,asshelikestocallhim.Hemorphedfromaprojectintoapet,thenintoapassion,andfinally...intoapresent.
Agift.Firsttoher,andthenfromhertoyou.Andtome.
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Andthethingis,Flashisagift.IneverthoughtI’dbethekindofgirlwhocouldwarmuptoadonkey,butFlashstolemyheart,aswellastheheartsofmythreesons,whodecidedhewastheirownpersonalpetfromtheveryfirstday.Hispenchantforfollowingclosebehindthemwithhissoftmuzzlenudgingthebacksoftheir
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shoulders,beggingtoberubbedandcaressed,isthehighlightoftheirtimewithhim.Flashkeepshisheadsoclosetotheirsthattheybasicallybump.Theyloveit.Theylovehim.Whenmyboysshowupatthegateandcallhisname,hecomestrottingupenthusiastically.
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He’sbeenlookingforthem,waitingforthem.Andthey’vebeenwaitingforhim.
Turnsoutweallwereandjustdidn’tknowit.
BecausewithFlash,thelifelessonsweren’tlongincoming.Rachelwouldtellmeabouthowhewasalwaysabletoescapethroughtheonesolitaryholeinhismile-longfence.Oraboutthe
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friendshe’dmadewithcrittersinthenextpastureandhissometimesobstinaterefusaltomoveoneinch,nomatterhowhardanyonetuggedonhishalter.OrhisrelationshipwithBeau,thefamily’sbeautifulyellowLab,andhowtheyfinallymadeniceafteralong-standingfeud.
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Witheachnewadventurehascomeanewlesson,anewgemtoenhanceallofourlives.Imagesandinsightsthatcouldeasilygounnoticedbysomeonelessobservantandinterested.ButRachelseesallthesplendorhiddenintheseregularsimplicitiesoflife.Shecapturesdetailsanddigsforbeauty,payingattentionandcausingotherstodothe
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same.Which,bytheway,isalso
theessenceofgoodwriting.Andthat’sexactlywhat
youareholdinginyourhands.Rachel’sgood,goodwriting.
We’resogratefultoTomandRachelforturninganinterruptionintoanopportunity,forgivingastraydonkeyanewhomeanda
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newname,forlettingFlashintotheirlives.Becauseindoingso,theylethimintoours.
Andnow,Rachel’slettinghimintoyours.
Everylessonyou’llfindtuckedintothesepageswillmakeyoulaugh,justasmuchasitwillmakeyoulearn.Andwhenyouturnthefinalpage,you’llbesurprisedto
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discoveryou’vefoundtwothingsinone:agoodbookaboutadonkeynamedFlash,andagoodfriendinasimplecountrygalnamedRachel.
Andyou’llneverlookateitherofthemquitethesameagain.
Flash’sfan,PriscillaShirer
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Prologue
Theideahadseemedsosolid.Orattheveryleast,romantic.Myhusband,Tom,andIlaunchedanartandmuralbusinessintheDallas–FortWorthareaduringthe
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boomingearly2000s....Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?GatedcommunitiesfilledwithEuropean-styledmansionswerespringingupeverywhereasthegoodeconomictimesrolledin.Aninsatiabledemandforthebestofeverythinginamenitiesanddecorkeptusbookedfor
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monthsatatimecreatinginteriormasterpiecesfordiscriminatingclients.
Notbadforacompanythathadstartedasmylittlehobby,paintingupbirdhousesandsellingtheminlocalshops.“DreamBig”wasmyhighlyoriginal,personalmotto.Andithadbeenmydreamtomakeenoughmoneytogetmyhair
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highlightedregularlywithoutdippingintothefamilygrocerybudget.Goodgrief,thosehighlightsareexpensive.Thatwasaboutasloftyasmyearlygoalshadbeen.Istayedhomewiththreechildren,desperatelyneedingthiscreativeoutlet,whileTomworkedlonghoursintheelectronicsmanufacturingfield.
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Whenthephonebegantoringwithrequestsforbiggerandgranderpaintingprojects,suddenlymyhobbybecamemorethanIcouldhandle.Ineededhelptopullitoff,andmyhusbandwasjustthepersontobringin.Tomlovedcreatingartwithmeonnightsandweekends,lendinghistalentsandmusclepower,sincebynowscaffoldsand
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liftingheavysupplieswereinvolved.Asacreativespiritstuckinapreciselycontrolledindustry,hesecretlylongedforawaytoleavethecorporatetreadmillanddosomethingwithhisartistictalents.AndwhenTom’sjobevaporatedinanindustrydownturn,itappearedtobetheperfecttimetolaunchourdreamtogether.
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Ithadtobedivineprovidence,right?
Soitwas,indeed,agoodmomenttostartaventurewehadnopriortrainingin.Wewouldwingit.
Wewantedtocreatebeautifulthingsandpaintstuffandmakepeoplehappy.Itwasasimpledream.Anditworked,mostly.Yes,thecyclicalnatureofthehousing
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marketchallengedusmorethanweanticipated.Weknewthat“feastandfamine”seasonswereprerequisitesforentrepreneurialtriumph.Butdoingwhatwelovedmadeeachdayanadventure,andwewerethrilledtowakeupandknowweweregoingtomakeartthatpeopleenjoyed.
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Wehadourthreekidsandourdogandourdream,andwesaid,“Itisenough.”
Forseveralyears,ourlifewasexactlythat.Enough.Wereveledintheexperience.
Now,cuetheforebodingmusicandentertheburstofthehousingbubble.Therevelingturnedintoreeling.
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It’sanoddthingwhensuccessturnstofailure.Lifelooksawholelotdifferentwhenyourmindisconstantlyconcernedwithquestionslikehowwillyoupayyourbills,howwillyouaffordorthodontiaforthekids,andhowwillyoumakericeandbeansremotelyappealinguntilthenextpaycheckarrives.And,really,would
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livinginatentbesobad?Youforgettonoticetheskyandthecloudsandthewaythesunlightsparklesonyourdaughter’sredhair,andyoustartnoticingthateveryothercarisashinynewBMWandhowcrowdedthefancyrestaurantsare.Atfirst,youcannotbelieveyourfriendsaretakingcarefreefamilyvacationstoCancun,but
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there’stheproof—picturesofthemonFacebook,enjoyingtheirprosperity.Youforgettowalkthedog,althoughitwoulddoyouaworldofgoodtogetsomeexercise,andyoueatfastfoodbecauseit’seasyandbecauseslicinguphealthyvegetablesseemssocomplicated.Youeliminatefrivolityandspontaneity,notbecauseyou
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don’thavetimeforthembutbecausethoseareluxuriesrichpeopleenjoy,andyouknowthat“gettingawayforaweekend”mightmeanyoucan’taffordsuppliesforyournextproject.
Mostly,youwonderwhyGodhasletyoudown,whenallyouwantedtodowasthatthingyouthoughtyouwerecreatedtodo.Youfeelcracks
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forminginplaceswithinyoursoulthatonceseemedunshakable.Youraiseyourquestionstothesky,butyourprayersplummet,seeminglyunansweredandignored.
Youfeelveryalone.Failurewearslikeawet
woolcoatonasummerday,crushingyourfrillypartydressofoptimismunderneathitsweight.Survivaland
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existenceandgoingthroughthemotionsfeellikethebestyoucando,andsometimesthat’sallyoucando.Yougotowork,youputfoodonthetable,youhelpwithhomework,yousmileandcheeratyourkid’shockeygame,youreachforahandundertheblanketsatnight,andyougraspateverysweetmomentyoucan.Butbeneath
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thebusynessandactivity,youknowthatsomethingmustchange—oryouwillnotsurvive.
ThisisexactlywhereIfoundmyselfthenightthedonkeyshowedup.
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Tomhitthebrakesandbroughtourten-year-oldExplorertoanabruptstoponthegravel.Thedustfromthetiresblewpastusandswirledaroundtheanimalinourheadlights,muchlikesmokeinastageshow.
Itwasadonkey.Inthemiddleofourdriveway.
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“Whatintheworld?”myhusbandmutteredaswepeeredthroughthewindshieldatthecreaturewithgiganticears,caughtmidchewandlookingeverybitassurprisedaswedid.Justtwentyfeetinfrontofourbumper,heblinkedhardintothebrightbeams,grassprotrudingfrombothsidesofhismouthandthose
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unmistakableearsprickedforward.Westaredathimasheswallowedhismouthfulandstaredbackatus.Thentheearsswiveledaround,andhedidanabout-face,headingfortheshadows.
IturnedtoTom,mynylonjacketrustlingagainsttheseatbelt.
“Hey,that’sa...that’sa...”
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“Donkey,”hefinishedforme.Isqueezedmyeyesshut,thenopenedthemquickly,justtobesure.Yep,stillthere.Stilladonkey.“Whatonearthisadonkeydoinghere?”
Tomleanedforwardandsquintedthroughthedarknessatthelumpyshape,whichnowfeastedonaclumpofearlyspringgrassbeyondthe
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headlights.Tomrubbedhischin,assessingthesituation.Heputthevehiclein“Park”andreachedaconclusionbeforeIcouldsayanythingelse.
“Somebodyisgoingtorunintothatguyifwedon’tcatchhim,”hesaid,almosttootiredtogetthewordsout.Thenarrow,meanderinglanesthroughtheTexas
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countryside,ashadowyMarchnight,speedinglocals,andadonkeyontheloose...itwasanaccidentwaitingtohappen.Andneitheranaccidentnoradonkeyroundupwasonthelistofthingswewantedtodealwithattheendofalong,hardday.
“Justlethimbe,”Ireasoned.“I’msuresomeoneisoutlookingforhim,and
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they’llfindhimandtakehimhome.”Iwatchedasthestraydonkeyplungedhisheadintoanotherclump,toreoffthegrass,andmunchedaway.Aneighbor’sfloodlightnowilluminatedhim,andIcouldseehewasscratchedupprettybadly.Maybehe’dalreadybeeninanaccident.Heprobablydidneedourhelp,butstill...allIcould
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thinkaboutwastakingawarmshowerandcrawlingintomypajamas.Itwaswellpast9:00p.m.,andwehadn’tseenourkidssincebreakfast.Wewereexhaustedandreadytoputthisawfuldaybehindus.
Ithoughtbacktothatmorning.Itbeganwiththediscoveryofourclient’sgirdleandbrassiere,heaped
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inapileonherbathroomfloor.Yes,let’sstartthere.Thesturdyshapewearwasanawkwardobstaclerightinthemiddleoftheroom,hamperingour“glamorous”handiworkaswedecoratedthecrampedspacewithanItaliancountrysidesceneandbecameintimatefriendswiththetoiletintheprocessofworkingaroundit.Tom
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finallyusedapaintsticktoscoopuptheundergarments,holdingthematarm’slengthandlookingawayoutofgentlemanlyrespectasheplacedthemonthetubledgesohecouldcontinuethecommodemasterpiece.Goodgrief,it’shotinhere.Whyisthethermostatsetsohigh?Andwhydoesunderwearneedsomuchstructure?
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Thedayendedundertheceilingdomeofthehome’sfoyer,balancingonextensionladdersandsweatingprofuselywhilewepliedourbrushes,adding“justafewmoredetails”requestedbytheclientatthelastminutetoapaintingwe’dalreadyfinished—wellbeyondthescopeofouragreement.Somewhereinbetweenthese
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twoeventscamethehorrifyingrealizationthatthismuralprojectwouldnotpaytherent.
Wewerelivingourdream.Onlyithadbecomeanightmare.
TomandIbarelyspoketooneanotherasweloadedupourladdersandartistsuppliestoheadhome.Ourkids,thetwowhoremainedunderour
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roof,hadeatencerealfordinnerwithoutusandwerehopefullydoingsomethingconstructivewithoutsupervision.Ihadsomereassurancethathomeworkwasunderwayaftermakingseveralcallsfrommyprecariousperchinthefoyer,carefullyinchingthecellphonefrommyrightpockettomyleftearwithout
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disturbingmybalance.Likeeveryworkingparent,Iwouldn’tknowforsureuntilIgothomeandsawproof.
Grayson,ourtwelve-year-oldson,couldbeeasilydistractedbyanelaborateLegoprojectormodelairplane,twoofhiscurrentpassionsbesidesicehockey.Meghan,aseniorinhighschool,mighthavespentthe
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wholeeveningonthephone,orwritingmusicforherband,orpickingouttomorrow’soutfit.Ouroldestdaughter,Lauren,wasinthemiddleofherfirstyearatanearbyuniversity,studyinggraphicdesignandplanningaweddingwithherhighschoolsweetheart.Betweenthekids’activitiesandourworkload,
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lifespunlikeawobblytopmostdays.Icouldn’thelpthesighthatescapedmylips.
IpressedmyforeheadagainstthecoldpassengerwindowintheExplorerandletfatiguewashoverme.Thiswasn’texactlyhowI’denvisionedourfollowing-the-dreamadventureplayingout.Wehadcometotheparttheydon’ttellyouaboutinthe
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motivationalbooksandseminars—thepartabouthowinthemidstoflivingoutyourpassionandgoingforallthemarbles,youstillneedtoeatandpaytherent.Lifehasawayofkickingyourdreaminthepants.Addtotheequationorthodontiaforthekidsandcomingupwithcollege
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tuition,andyou’vegotsomethingcalledapainfulrealitycheck.
Drivingthepotholedroads,TomandIhadretreatedintoourseparateworldsofsilentdefeatandmutualblame.Webothneededwarmshowersandagoodnight’ssleepsowecouldfaceoursituationwithsomeobjectivityinthe
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morning.ButasweturnedtheFordontoourdirt-and-graveldrivewayforthefinal,dustyquartermiletoourhome,there,illuminatedbytheheadlights,wasthedonkey.
Wewatchedhimafewminutesmore;thenTomturnedofftheengineandopenedthedoor.“Thiswon’ttakelong,Rachel,”hesaid
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overhisshoulder.“Stayrightthereandkeepaneyeonhim,andI’llberightbackwitharopetocatchhim.We’llputhiminourpasturetonightandfindhisownerstomorrow.Idon’twanttoberesponsibleforanyonegettinghurtbyrunningintohimwithacar.”
Obediently,Isatandwatchedthedonkeycontinuehisvoraciousfeastonthe
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roadsidegrass.Whatapointlessanimal,Ithought,but,kindofcute.Aspromised,Tomquicklyreturnedwithanylonrope—andabucket.Thedonkey,thoughsuspiciousofthishumanstranger,immediatelybecameinterestedinthecontentsofthecontainerthat
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Tomshookeversoalluringly,andhesteppedclosertoinspectit.Oats!
Itwasthenwemadetheoverconfidentassumptionthat“thisisgonnabeeasy.”
Aclassicrookiemistake.Hey,gettingastray
donkeyinterestedinoatsissimple.Gettinghimropedandconvincinghimtofollowis...notsomuch.Tom,a
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toughoutdoorsmanwithasoftspotforanythinginneed,seemedtobeupforthetaskinspiteofthelongdayofworkhe’dhad.Cautiously,heclosedinonthenervousdonkeyandgentlyloopedtheropeoverhisgiganticheadandaroundhisneck.Inacalmvoice,Tomurgedhimtocooperateandflasheda
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prematurethumbs-upatthefirsttentativesteps.See,itwasgoingtobeeasyafterall!
“Yay!”Imimed,withadramatichappyfaceandmyownthumbs-upinreply.Ibelievedthedimmoonlightcalledforsomeoveractingtoproperlyconveymyencouragement.Suddenly,thesmallhoovesstoppedand
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dugin.Thelittleguyleanedbackandrefusedtotakeanotherstep.
Tomcoaxedandgaveagentletugontherope.Thedonkeybalked.
Tomgavehimnibblesofoats.Hetooktwostepsforward...yes!Thenfivestepstotheside...no!Tompulled.Thedonkeypulled
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harderintheoppositedirection.Clearly,thiswasnotworkingaswehadhoped.
Tomcalledmefromthesidelinesintoactiveduty.Hegavemetheropeandwentbehindthedonkey.Withadeepbreath,Tompushed.Ipulled.
Nothing.
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Tomputhisshoulderintotheanimal’srump,bracedhisfeet,andpushedwithhislegs,whileIpulledevenharder.
Notaninch.Wedroppedourhandstooursidesandbegantostrategize.
Tomhadabrilliantidea.“Let’sswitchplaces,”hesuggested,butIwasnotsosure.
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“He’dbetternothavegas!”Imovedtotherearandplantedmytennisshoesasfarawayaspossibletostayclearofanykicksandpossibleflatulence,whileTomtookholdoftheropeatthedonkey’shead.Stillnoprogress.Theanimalwouldnotbudge.Hesimplylookedatusthroughheavy-liddedeyesasiftosay,“Goahead,
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keeptrying.Thisisentertaining.”Hechewedontheoatslikehehadallthetimeintheworld.
Toourexasperation,allthecoaxing,leading,pulling,enticing,anddemandingresultedinthedonkeyonlygettingfartherfromourpasturegatethanwherewehadstarted.
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Bynow,thewindhadpickedup,andthebranchesonthetreesswayedinaneeriedancethatspookedthelong-earedintruder.Heboltedintoanearbyyard,pullingTomintoarunalongsidehim,mypoorhusbandhangingontotheropefordearlife.Abathrobe-cladneighborcameouttoseetheruckus,andsheandI
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stoodwithourbackstothewindasthecat-and-mousegamecontinueditsspectacle.Threestepsforward,twostepsback.Onestepforward,threestepstotheside.Cajoling,pushing,pleading,chasing.Mercy,itwashardnottolaugh.ButwhenIsawTomripthebaseballcapoffhisheadandthrowitinfrustration,Istifledmy
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snicker.Hissmallactofkindnesshadbecomeasheerbattleofthewills.This.Was.War.Respectfully,IgotbackintotheparkedExplorer,pulledagranolabarfrommypurse,andsettledinfortherestoftheshow.
Iwatchedastheyslowlymadetheirwaydowntheblacktoproadandbacktowardourlongdriveway.A
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yardlampbacklittheirbodiesintoblacksilhouettes,anditwasthenthatIlaughedoutloud.TherewasTom’sdarkshape,straininghardontheropeuntilhisbodypracticallyparalleledtheground.Andtherestretchedthedonkey’sdarkshape,frontlegslocked,neckdrawnforward,andbackendsittingdownindefiance.Itlookedjustlike
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anoldvelvetpaintingI’donceseenofasilhouettedboyandstubborndonkeyinthesamepose.HowIwishedIhadboughtthatclassicpaintingforthisverymomentintime.
FinallyTomfoundarhythmthedonkeycouldcooperatewith,andthetwomoveddownthedriveway,whichwentacrossapond’s
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damandthroughatunnelofswayingtrees.Withonearmaroundhisopponent’sneckwhiletalkingquietlyintooneofthosebigears,Tomleanedintotheanimalandknockedonekneeoutfromunderhim.Asthedonkeytriedtocatchhisbalance,Tomtookadvantageoftheforwardmovementandpulledhimanextracoupleofsteps.Byfits
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andstarts,theduoarrivedatthepasture,andTomclosedthegateontheskinny-rumpedcreature—threehourslater.
“Done!”hesaid.“Ican’twaittogetridofhimtomorrow.Thatwasoneoftheworstexperiencesofmylife!We’llcallthecountysherifffirstthinginthemorning.”
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Bythelightofday,TomandI,alongwithMeghanandGrayson,gatheredinthepasturetotakeagoodlookatourunwillingguest.
Hewasamess.Mudandscabscakedhis
shaggywinterhairintoanugly,mattedcoat.Freshgashesfrombarbedwire
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fencesseemedtobeeverywhere,fromheadtohoof,oozingandbleeding.Thescratchescrisscrossedhisfaceandlegs,withafour-inchslicethatwentdeepintothefleshofhisbarrelchest.Thewoundsneededimmediateattention,sowecleanedanddressedthemwithointmentasthedonkeytrembledinsideourthree-
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sidedbarn.Althoughitseemedasifheknewoureffortsweremeanttohelphim,heallowedonlybrieftouchesbeforeskittishlymovingjustbeyondourreach.Hislipsquivered,andhistailswishednervously.Wemovedinslowmotion,usinghushedvoicesasweworked.
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“It’sokay,donkey.You’reokay,”wereassuredhim.Whatelsehadheexperiencedbeforehissuddenarrivalhere?Wewonderedaloudabouthispast.
Underthemud,hewasalightbrownish-graycolor,withawhitemuzzlethatlookedasifithadbeendippedinadeepbucketof
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buttermilk.Amatchingcreamy-whitecolorcircledhisbigbrowneyesandcoveredtheundersideofhisbellywithsofthair.Withfaintstripesadorningsturdylegs,hestoodnotallerthanfourfeetattheshoulder.Howcanananimalthiscompactbesodifficulttomanage?Thedaylightmadehimseemso...well,compliant.
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Awispymanetrickleddownabroadneck,andhistail,unlikeahorse’s,wasastrongshaftofmuscleandbonewithlongstrandsofcoarsehairstartingpartwaydown.Along,darkstripedownthecenterofhisbackbeganathismaneanddisappearedintohistail.Upclose,hisearswereevenbiggerthanI’dremembered
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fromthenightbefore.Thickandmobile,theywereneverpointingthesamedirectionforverylong.Thecaramel-coloredfuzzthatcoveredthemwasoutlinedbydarkhairaroundtheedgesandtuftedwithcreamontheinsides.Hisstraightblackeyelashesmadehiseyesseemalittlesad,ormaybeitwas
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justthewayhislargeheaddroopedthatgavehimsuchamelancholyair.
“Ohlook!”Graysonpointedoutindelightfromhisperchonthefence.“Hehasacrossonhisback!”Achocolate-brownpatternofhairemblazonedacrosshisshouldersdistinctlyintersectedthedarkstripedownhisback.Legendhasit
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thateverydonkeybearsthesymbolofChrist,inhonorofHistriumphantentryintoJerusalembeforeHiscrucifixion.Seeingadonkeyface-to-faceforthefirsttimecertainlybroughtthebiblicalstorytomind.Oureyeslingeredonthismarkingandthenwanderedtohismanywounds.Hewas,aswesayinTexas,“toreup.”
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TomputhisarmacrossGrayson’sshouldersaswemadeourwaythroughthetallgrassbacktothehouse,whileMeghanstayedtokeepthedonkeycompany.Acreatureloversinceshewasatoddler,Meghanonceclaimedtheabilitytotalktoanimals.Althoughthisonewasmuchlargerthanthehamstersandparakeetsshe’d
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communicatedwithbefore,hestilllookedasifheneededafriend.
Shesatonawoodenstepinthebarnneartheshydonkey,chininhand,andlistenedtothebirdssingintheraftersasshewatchedhim.Withwaryeyesonher,thedonkeykepthisdistancebutlingeredinthebarn,ratherthanmakingforthe
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pasturebeyond.Aftersomeminuteshadtickedby,hetookonehesitantsteptowardtheslim,redheadedgirl,thenpausedasifthinking.
Thenanotherstep.Alittlecloser.
Aflybuzzed.“It’sokay,buddy,”
Meghanmurmured.Sheturnedapalmupinsilentbeckoning.
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Andanotherstep.Alongminute.Ears
twitching.Blowinghard.Thechirpingbirdsoblivioustotheslowdancebelow.
“Iwon’thurtyou.”Closer.“You’resafenow.”Alittlecloserstill...
untilhistentativenostrilstouchedherknees.
“It’sallright.”
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Hesniffedherscentandpausedagain.Hislongearsturnedforward.Tailswishedthefly.Finally,heclosedhiseyesandtookonelaststep,restinghisgiantheadinherlapwithadeepdonkeysigh.Meghan’shandcameupandgentlystrokedhisfaceandears.Shescratchedhisneckandwhisperedsoftlytohim.Hislowerlipsaggedsleepily
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asherelaxedforthefirsttimesincehisarrival.Thedonkeyandgirlstayedjustsoforalongwhile,hisheadheavyonherlegsasshecaressedhimandgentlyuntangledhisscragglymane.
IwasinthekitchenwhenMeghancameburstingthroughthedoor.“OhMomma!He’ssweet!”sheexclaimedasshedescribed
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thequietmomentsinthebarn.Shefinishedwithabreathless,“Canwekeephim,pleeze??”
Dryingmyhandsonatowel,Ilookedatherpleadingexpression.Ishouldhaveknownthiswascoming.Herewego.Don’tyoustartbeggingforadonkey.Sweetornot,weknewhehadtobelongtosomeone.Surely.I
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mean,howcanapersonmisplaceadonkey,forheaven’ssake?Hisownersmustbelookingforhim.
“Meggie,youcan’tletyourselfgetattachedtohim.Youknowhe’snotgoingtobeherelong.”Ismoothedthedisappointmentfromherforeheadandcontinued.“He’sgoingtobeonhiswayjustassoonaswefindout
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wherehebelongs,andIdon’twantyoutogetyourheartbrokenwhenheleaves.”
“Butwhatifnobodyclaimshim?”sheappealed.“Thencanwekeephim?”
“Honey,Idon’tthinkweare‘donkeypeople.’Wedon’tknowthefirstthingaboutthem.Wecertainlydon’thaveanyuseforone.Andbesides,Ithinkyou’re
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gettingaheadofyourself.Weneedtodowhatwecantofindhishomebeforewestartmakinganyplans.”Butinmymind,I’dalreadybeenwonderingthesamething.
Justthen,weheardnoisefromoutside,nearthepasturegate.WehurriedtoseewhatthefusswasaboutandfoundouryellowLab,Beau,wagginghisentirebodyashe
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barkedandwhinedinexcitement.Anewfriend!Hecouldhardlycontainhisjoy.Thedonkey,whohadleftthebarnandventuredtowardthehouse,lookedupinsurprise.
“Beauisanxioustosayhello,”GraysonsaidashecamefromaroundthecornerandattemptedtograbBeau’scollartocalmhim.Buttheone-hundred-pounddoghad
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alreadysqueezedhisslobberyselfunderthegateandlopedacrosstheopenspacetowherethedonkeystood,frozeninalarm.Beau’sheftytailworkedfromsidetosideasheapproachedthedonkeywithshamelesscuriosityandwigglywelcome.
Forasplitsecondthedonkeyheldstill,takinghimin.Then,likeaboltof
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lightning,hewhirledaroundandstruckoutwithhisbacklefthoof.Yelpinginshock,Beaucametoanabruptskidonhishaunches.Thedonkeyturnedandloweredhishead,breathingheavily,whileBeaubackedupandletoutawhimper.Thetwolockedeyesastheycircledoneanother.Donkey:earsflat,headlow,nostrilsflared.
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Dog:earsforward,hairraised,nosetwitching.ThehoofhadmissedBeau’schest,butthemessageitdeliveredwasclear:Stayaway.Rebuffed,thedogfinallyreturnedtothegate,lookingoverhisshoulderwithhistailtuckedandeyesfilledwithconfusion.Poor
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Beau.He’dneverbeenrejectedsosoundlyinhiswholelife!
“Beauneedstolearntoslowdownalittle,”Isaidaswehuddledoverthedogtocomforthim.Ilookedbacktoseethedonkey,stillbreathinghardandagitated.“Hescaredthepoorguyhalftodeathwithallthatenergy!”Toomuch,toosoon.
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Thatweek,wewentintoaction.Wepostedsigns,contactedauthorities,andcheckedwithlocalfeedstores.Welookedforthedonkey’sownerhighandlow.Butnooneseemedtobemissingadonkey.Itwaslike
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heappearedoutofthinair.Ontoourproperty.Likearabbitoutofahat.
Whenthecountysheriffstoppedbyourhouse,welearnedthatoursituationwasfarfromunique:Peoplesimplyabandonedtheirdonkeysalongcountryroadswhentheytiredofcaringforthem,giventhattheanimalshavelifespansofthirtyor
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fortyyears.Droughtsalwaysbringhighnumbersofstrays,andwewereinthemiddleofabadone.Manypeoplecan’taffordtokeepthesecute-but-grass-consuminganimalswhocompeteforgrazinglandwithcattle,sotheydumpthemoff.Withoutsomuchasasecondthought.
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“Yep,noveltywearsoffrealquick,”thesheriffsaidinhisTexasdrawl.“Yaseealottasadcasesouthere.”Headjustedhiswide-brimmedhatandlookedatthedonkey.“Now,thisfellahereisyoung.He’snotevenamaturemale,ifyouknowwhatImean.”Heclearedhisthroataswedigestedthemeaningof“maturemale”
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andglancedunderneathhis
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thinbellytoseewhatthesheriffwastalkingabout.Aah,yes.
Thelawman’sthickmustachetwitchedashecontinued.“It’sprettytypicaltoseemalesletlooselikethis.Youdon’tseethefemalesasoftenbecausethey’rebetteratkeepingcoyotesawayfromcattleandgoats,butthesejacks...
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well,Ican’tevengetfivedollarsfor’ematauction.Nobodywants’em.Basically,they’reworthlessanimals.”
“Butwhathappenstothemifnoonetakesthemfromyourauction?”Iasked,notwantingtoknowtheanswer.
Hepausedforamoment.“Wetrytofindarescueorganizationthatwilltake
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’em.Therearesomereputableonesaround,andtheydoagoodjobtakingtheseguysoffourhands.Problemis,rightnow,they’refilledupovertheircapacity,andit’stoughtoplacethesenewstrays.Yahatetothinkwhatcouldhappen,buttherealityisthestatecan’taffordtokeepfeeding’emindefinitely.”
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Thedonkey’searstwitchedtowardus,asifeavesdroppingonthediscussionofhisfate.
Horrifiedthathemighthaveoverheard,IlookedatTomforsupportandsuggested,“Howaboutifwejustkeephimhereuntilhisownerscontactyouroffice?”Tomnoddedinagreement,andthesheriffbeamed.
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“Soundsgood.Realgood.Now,I’vegotthreeotherjacksinmycustody...”Hetrailedoff,bushyeyebrowsraisedinanunspokenquestion.
Tomhurriedlythankedhimforhistimeandsaidwe’dlookforwardtohiscall.Wepartedwaysbeforethiswholerescuethinggotevenmoreoutofhand.
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Theweeksstretchedon,andLauren,ouroldestredhead,camehomefromcollegetofinishplanningherweddingtoRobert.Itwasjustacoupleofmonthsaway,andwehadsomeworktodoinordertopullitoff.Withthefiveofusalltogether,wefeltlikeacompletecircleonceagain,a
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littlefamilystayingafloatonaswiftriverofpaintingprojectsanddressfittings.Somehowwelimpedthroughthefinancialdisasterthathadloomedthenightthedonkeyshowedup,andweweremanagingtobarter,trade,and“doityourself”throughtheweddingdetails.Ourproblemswerefarfrom
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solved,butwedidourbesttopretendtheydidn’texist.Atleastfornow.
Awarmstillnesshungintheairaswegatheredatthefencetolookatthiswounded,andapparentlyworthless,straywhohadgivenrescuesuchafight.Hissoreshadnotyethealed,buthelookedremarkablygoodinspiteofthetwopermanentscars
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acrosshisnose.Alreadyhisthinstomachwasfillingout,andhispatchyhair,withoutalltheburrsandscabs,feltsoftunderourtouch.
Therehadbeennoresponsewhatsoevertooursearchforhisowner,andweknewadecisionneededtobemade.Wecouldturnhimovertothecountyandsomeunknownfuture,orwecould
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provideahomeforhim,atleastfornow.Obviously,thethreekidsandIwouldlaunchanall-outcampaigntokeephim.
“Lookathimoutthere.Heisprettysweet,”wepointedout.Henibbleddaintilyonthegreenbladesofgrassandswattedflies
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withthatfunnytailofhis.Heseemed...perfectlyinnocuous.Charming,even.
Tomwashavingnoneofthis“permanence”thing,anditseemedhehadBeauonhisside.“I’veseenthedarksideofhim,”herebutted,rememberingthatfirstnight.“He’simpossibletohandle,andhe’sstubbornandobviouslynotverybright.
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AndBeauhateshim—don’tyou,Beau?”Atthat,thedonkeylookedupandgaveasnort.Heshookhislongearssotheyflappedtogetherinakindofear-clapasifhewerereplying,“Hey,now!Iheardthat.”
Beaubarkedinreturn.Hedidn’texactlyhatethedonkeyaftertheirfirstencounter.However,the
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donkeyseemedtohatehim.Theyweren’tanyclosertofriendship,andinfact,theyappearedtobeinananimalstandoff.ButIhadfaith.Afterall,noonecanhateagoodyellowLab.Andwhocouldresistsuchanadorabledonkey?Iwassuretheyjustneededtimetobond.PerhapsBeaucouldlearntobelessextroverted,givingthe
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donkeyachancetoseebeyondtheteethandtailtothewarmheartthatwasjustabitovereager.Theirrelationshipwouldtakesomework.
Thekidspickedupthelobbying.“Dad,weGoogled‘donkeycare’andfoundoutthatdonkeysareprettylowmaintenance.Theydon’tneedexpensivefood,they
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don’trequireextraspecialcare,andalltheyreallyneedisshelterinbadweather.Whichwealreadyhave.”Theypointedtothebarn,unusedexceptforstorage.
“Yeah,well,I’mprettysureit’snotassimpleasthat.Itneveris.Ithinkalittlemoreresearchisinorder,guys.Wejustdon’tneedanothermouthtofeed,”Tom
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volleyed,mindfulofourprecariousbankbalance.“Thinkofthevetbillsandhay.Imean,lookathimoutthere.He’sapig.He’sgoingtorequirealotoffoodattheratehe’sgoing.”Thenhepulledoutthereasoningeveryparentgivestoeverychildatsomepointintheirlives:“Youkidscan’tremembertofeedthedog,
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muchlessadonkey,sodon’texpectmetotakecareofhimforyou.We’renotkeepinghim,period.”
Tomdidhaveapointaboutnotrememberingtofeedthedog;theycouldn’targuethat.Butofcoursetheyinsistedthatthiswouldbecompletelydifferent.Despitehistoughtalk,I’dseenTomouttheretryingtobefriend
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thescruffydonkeywhenhethoughtnoonewaslooking.Dayafterday,hesatonacampchairinthemiddleofthepastureforlongperiodsoftime.Hebroughtabooktoread,orwatchedthebirds,orlookedatsomeimaginarypointinthedistance,inhopesthatthedonkeywouldsimplybecomecomfortableinhispresence.ItwasasifTom
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instinctivelyknew(unlikeBeau)toleavethepaceoftrustuptothedonkey.
Atfirst,thedonkeyhadgiventhemaninthechairawideberth,grazinginaperimeterfarbeyondhisreach.HeshiedbackfromanysuddenmovementofTom’sarms.Everynowand
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thenhe’dlookoveratTom,allthewhilechewing,takinghimin,assessing.
Hadthedonkeybeenmistreatedatthehandsofamaninpreviousencounters?Ifonlyhecouldtellus.Icouldseethatthedonkey’sresistancetoourrescuehadbeenrootedinsomekindof
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fear,anditbrokemyhearttothinkthatsomeonecouldhurtsuchasweetanimal.
Gradually,thedonkey’sself-designatedperimeteraroundTom’schairgrewsmaller.Heinchednearer.Andoneafternoon,asTomreadhisbook,heheardthegrassrustlebehindhim.He
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feltanoseonhisshoulder.Asniffonhisneck.Lipsgentlynibblinghiscollar.
“Hey,DonkeyBoy.”Tom’svoicewassoft,calm.“That’sagoodboy.That’sagoodboy.”
Heslowlyliftedhishandandcuppedthedonkey’shead.Thewallbegantocrumble.
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Braveenoughnowtocomenearforacarrotandgentlepetting,hestillseemedsovulnerable.Andwasitme,ordidhissoftbrowneyesseemslightlyhopeful?PerhapsIwasprojecting.
“Whatdotheneighborsthinkabouthisbraying?”Laurenasked,breakingatwigoffthetreebythefence.“Iactuallyheardhimfromway
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downtheroadtheotherday!Soundedlikesomeonewasbeingkilledoverhere.”
Rightoncue,thedonkeyliftedhisheadandbeganheavinghissides.Hislipspulledbacktorevealabigsetofteethasafoghorn-likesoundexplodedfromhismouth.HEE-haw,HEE-haw,HEE-haw,haw,haw.Isupposeitcouldbedisturbing
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ifyouweren’tusedtoit,butintruth,IlovedhearinghisbraybecauseitremindedmeofgrowingupinMexicoasamissionarykid.We’dlivedthereoffandonduringmygrowing-upyears.Burroswereeverywhere,carryingloadsofsticks,pullingcarts,andposingintheircolorful,fringedhalterswithtourists.Ithoughttheyweresuch
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beautifulcreatures,andI’dtrytoimitatetheirbraysaswedrovepast,stickingmyheadoutthecarwindowandlettingoutaHEE-haw!inwhatIthoughtwasafriendlyoverture.Notoneofthemeverseemedremotelyimpressed,butthatdidn’tkeepmefromtrying.
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Asthedonkey’sbraysubsided,weconsideredtheprosandconsofkeepinghim.
“Weprobablywouldn’tridehim,likewewouldarealhorse,wouldwe?”askedGrayson.
“Iguessyoucould,butitseemslikeitwouldbeareallyslowride,”Tom
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replied.“Plus,we’dhavetotrainhim,andwedon’tknowanythingaboutthat.”
True,true.Nodsallaround.
“Whatifweputhimtoworkaroundhere?”Meghanoffered.“Wecouldplantabiggarden,andhecouldpullaplow.”
Wethoughtaboutthatforaminute.
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“Nah.Thatwouldneverhappen.”
“Toobadwedon’thaveamine,”Ilaughed.“Hecouldhaulwagonloadsofgold,andwecouldallberich.”
Ourchucklessubsided,andIcouldseethatTomwasjustonegoodreasonawayfromlettinghimstay.Think,family,think.
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“Well,he’sfuntolookat,”saidGrayson,glancingupathisdad.
“Yes!Yes,heis!”wechimedin.“Veryfuntolookat!Andnicetotalkabout!”
“Youmeanhe’saconversationpiece?”Tom’svoicehadsoftenedwithhissmileatthethought.
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“Yeah,likewhatifwehadsomeweirdrelativesfromthecityover,andwedidn’thaveanythingtotalkabout?Wecouldalwaysjustbringthemoutheretoseethedonkey,andthey’dprobablyloveit.”Graysonwasmakingasolidcasehere.Justneededonefinalpush...
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“Ibetwecouldgettenminutesofconversationoutofit,”Laurensaidinsupport.“Possiblyfifteen.Peoplewouldfindhimreallyinteresting.”FourpairsofeyesturnedtowardTomwithlaser-likefocus.
“Ah,excellentpoint.Iguessyoucouldsayhemakesgoodyardart,”Tomconcededasheopenedthe
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gateandsteppedclosetothedonkey.Stillmovingslowlyaroundhim,Tomreachedforwardtorubtheinsidesofhisears.IfeltinmypocketforthecarrotslicethatI’dbroughtfromthekitchen.
“Listen,youguys.”Hetookabreath.“Wecankeephimif...”
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Thecheersfromthegroupnearlydrownedtheprovisionaladdendumhewasabouttotackon.
“Ahem!”Tomregainedourattentionbyquashingourcongratulatorynoisewithhishandmotions.“AsIwassaying,wecankeephim...ifheisindeedaslowmaintenanceasyousayhewillbe,ifhedoesnoteattoo
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much,andifheisanupstandingcitizenaroundhere.”
Simple!Pieceofcake!We’vegotthis!Wewentbacktocheering,andnaturally,ourexuberancespookedthedonkeyinquestion.Withatossofhishead,andhindlegsbucking,hespunaroundandtrottedforthefarcornerofthepasture,
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butnotbeforesnatchingthecarrotfrommyhandinagreedychomp.
Beaubarkedhisoppositiontothearrangement,possiblythelastvoiceofreason.
SomethingtoldmethiswasnotgoingtobeassimpleasIthought.
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Thedonkey’stemporarycitizenshipgavebothTomandmeamentalreprievefromourworries.Andithelpedmeavoidthefeelingofdefeatthathadsettledinmystomach,likeawadofcookiedough,whichisalwaysahugemistaketoeatinthefirstplace.Watchingournewresidentbecomefamiliarwithhishome,and
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learntotrustusintheprocess,providedareliefvalve,nottomentionafavoritetopicofdinnerconversation.
“Hey,haveyounoticedhowthedonkeycanreachalmosteverypartofhisbodywithhisteeth,toscratchwhereverheitches?Passthebutter,please.”
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“Iknow!Isawhimreachunderneathhistailtoday.Hebentcompletelyinhalf,backward,flippeduphistail,andstartedscratchingit!Rolls,anyone?”
“Seriously,Ithinkheisdouble-jointedorsomething.Morespaghetti,thankyou.”
Wequicklylearnedtowatchhisvelvetyears,whichmovedconstantly.Pricked
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forwardshowedhisinterestandinquisitivenature.Facingbackwardmeanthewasafraid,uncertain,displeased.Oneforwardandoneback...well,itcalledforinterpretation,especiallywhenaccompaniedbyahoofstomportailswish.Hisearswereakeypartofhis
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communication—asilentformofexpressionthatdelightedus.
Webegantoeducateourselvesaboutdonkeycare:whatkindofdietwasbest,howtogroomhim,howtocareforhishooves,whichvaccineshe’dneed.Ourpasture,labeled“unimproved”bythecounty,wasperfectforthisanimal
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whowasmadeforariddesertlife.Thetoughnativegrassesinoursix-acrepasture,bakedbytheTexassunandblownbyincessantwinds,wouldprovideenoughnutritionalroughagewithoutbeingtoorich.Thebacksectionofthefencedareaincludedwoodsthathecoulduseforshadeandforaging.Hewouldneedlittlesupplementalfeed,
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exceptperhapsinwintermonths,orinthepeakofsummerscorchers,whengrasswitheredtobrowndust.Therewasmoretolearnthanwethought,butthedonkey’sgentletemperamentinvitedourattentionandaffection.
Sincehehadworkedhiswayintoourbarnandourhearts,weknewitwastimetogivehimarealname.In
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ourfamily’shistory,we’dceremoniouslychristenedasuccessionofpets:Checkers,thespringerspanielwithbrownandwhitemarkings;ButtonsandTwix,handsomecatbrothers;Wilson,theparakeetwerescuedwhenwefoundhimbouncingacrossthestreetlikeatennisball.AndtherewasAngel,thered-tailedhawkTomoncehad
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whenhepracticedfalconry.Eventhegerbilsandfishhadfancynamesbestoweduponthemduringtheirbrieflivesinourcare.
Thechallengehadalwaysbeentofindamonikerthatwouldfiteachanimal’spersonality,yetwouldn’tcauseembarrassmentifwehadtoyellthenameinpublic.Overtheyears,Tom,
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onthegroundsofhismanhood,vetoedcutesynameslike“Schmoozy,”“Fluffy,”and“Snookums”forourfamilymenagerie,andweagreeditwasareasonableenoughguidelinetofollow.Youshouldn’tmakeaguywho’smostcomfortableincamouflagehaveapetwhosenamesuggestsitshouldbecarriedinsideapinkpurse.
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“Sowhatdoyouthinkweshouldcallhim?”IaskedTom,whosereflectionIcaughtinthemirrorwhileIdiddoubleduty—brushingmyteethandinspectingthecrow’s-feetaroundmyeyes.“Shouldwegowithsomethingcomicalsinceheis,afterall,adonkeyforcryingoutloud?Orshouldwefindsomethingsortof
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stately?”Wehadneverhadmuchtroubledecidingwithourotherpets,butforwhateverreason,thiswasquitethedilemma.
Tomsatonthebedandputonhisworkshoes.“Nottoconfusethings,butsinceweliveinTexas,there’salsoanabundanceofSpanishnameswecouldconsider.”
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“That’strue!”HeknewhowmuchIlovedthoseburrosfrommychildhood.Thiswasgettingmorecomplicatedbytheminute.
Wespentsometimetossingaroundvariousideasbutdecidedtokeepthinkingaswewentonwithourday.
Whileuponscaffolding,wemovedontothesilly:Brae,Harry,Eeyore.
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“Havingadonkeyisfun,buthe’snotsomethingIwanttomakefunof,”Tomobjected,dippinghisbrushintobluepaintandwipingtheexcessontherimofthecan.Wecrossedthosenamesoffourlist.
Thebusinessofnaminghimcameupatallhoursoftheday.Intheevening,overamassofopenBride
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magazinesandpopcorn,thegirlssuggestedsomethingmoreserious,moredignified.“WhataboutJefferson,orWinston?Henry?Roosevelt?”Better,butstillnotright.
Maybesomebiblicalinspiration?Atbedtime,weconsideredBalaam;Ichabod;andJonah,Micah,andalltheotherminorprophets.
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Nomatterwhatwetried,nothingseemedtofit.HewastheNamelessBrayingOneofthePasture,anditbotheredus.Theweeksdriftedbywithnosolution.
“Wecan’tjustkeepcallinghim‘DonkeyBoy,’”IsaidasTomandIunloadedladdersintothebarnoneafternoon.“Itseemsalittleimpersonal,andjustslightly
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likewedon’tcare.”Westoppedtowatchhimmoseyalong,enjoyingthesunshine,hishoovesdraggingfromoneendofthefieldtotheother.
“Iknow.Buttherightnameisimportant.Youdon’twanttomessthatup,evenforadonkeythatwecouldn’tgetfivedollarsfor.”Tomwinkedandthrewanarmovermyshoulder,thenquickly
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removeditinthestickyheat.“Youknow,”hereflected,“thatguyisneverinahurry.It’slikehe’sinatimewarp.Hecouldnevergetanywhereinaflash.”
Welookedateachother,andthelightdawned.Flash!Thatwasit!
Flash.Asinaspeedingsuperherowhocomestotherescueofoneindistress.We
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chuckledatthethoughtofournewdonkeyinamaskemblazonedwithlightningbolts,stoppingtotakeanapenroutetothwartingacrisis.Yes,itwasperfect.Thekidsapproved.
AssoonasFlashwasnamed,weknewwithoutsayingthathisprobationhadendedandhecouldnowbeconsideredabonafide
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memberofthefamily.Wewalkedrightintoit,eyeswideopen.
Here’sapieceofadvicethatcomesfreewiththisbook:Rescuer,beware.Assoonasyounameastrayanimal,it’syours.Forbetterorforworse.Yours,baby.Youneedtothinkaboutthatthenexttimeyoupickupastraykittyandstartcalling
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her“Pookie”whileyou’retryingtofindahomeforher.Faceit—Pookieisyours,andshebecameyourstheminuteyoupronouncedthosetwosyllables.
Flashwasoursforkeeps,andwefellinlovewithhim.Heshedhisshaggywinterhair,revealingasmooth,gray-browncoatthatmadehimlookpositivelysleek.
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Evenhisearslostmostoftheirwoolandbecamesilkysoft,especiallyattheirbaseneartheknobonthetopofhishead.Helovedhavingtheinsidesoftheselong,tubularappendagesrubbedandlookedforwardtoanyattentionthatcamehisway.
Beinggroomedbecamehisfavoritepastime,andIuseditasabonding
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opportunity,talkingtohimasIworkedthebrushoverhisbody.Heseemedinterestedinmychatter,soIfilledhiminonourprojects,kepthimabreastofourfamilyactivities,andtoldhimwhatevercametomymind.Hisearsfollowedmyvoice,turningthiswayandthat,andhe’dnodeverynowandthen,suggestinghisresponse:“Go
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on,tellmemore.”Iquicklyrealizedhewastheperfectlistener,thekindwhomakesyoufeelhehasallthetimeintheworldforyourstory.Wheneverthecurrycombcameout,herelaxedintoapuddleofequinebliss.Youcouldalmostseehimsmile.Flash’sshynessslowly
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meltedaway,andwebegantoseeglimpsesofanoutgoingpersonality.
Flashmadehimselfathomeatourplace.Ouryellow,1970sbarn-shapedhouse,properlydeemed“gambrelstyle,”satnexttohisnewpastureandgaveusaprimeviewofhisactivities.Hehaditmade:anabundanceofwide-openspaceto
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aimlesslywanderunderabigsky,abarnforshelter,andtwoacresofshadywoodstoexplore.
Fouryearsearlier,whenwehadfoundthepropertythroughanadinthepaper,wehadnouseformostofit,excepttostoresuppliesintheemptybarn.Wegladlyabandonedoursuburbanlifeandsetaboutmakingthe
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rentedfixer-upperourhome—onadime,ofcourse.ThoughjusttwentymilesoutsideoftheDallasmetroplex,itfeltlikeaworldawayfromthecity.
Thequarter-miledrivewaywoundatopadam,pastapond,andthroughsomewoodsbeforecomingaroundtothehouseinaclearing.The“charming
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farmhouse”(asdescribedinthepaper)containedsomestrangefeatures,suchasatoiletcrammedsoclosetothewallthatitrequiredsidesaddlepositioningandasenseofhumortomakeitwork.Butoncewereplacedthecarpetandpaintedtheantiseptic,whitesemigloss
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wallsandceilingswithpleasantnewcolors,itfeltlikearealhome.
Thekids’bedroomswerenestledundertheslopingeavesofthebarnlikeroofandhaddormerwindowseats—perfectspotsfordaydreaming,whichweencouraged.Thoughtiny,thekitchenhadplentyoffauxwoodcountertopsandenough
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cabinetspaceforallourcookware.AsIwasheddishes,Icouldlookoutthewindowtoanever-changingviewofgrassesandwildflowersinafieldthatslopeddowntoawoodedcreekbed.
Mightyburoaks,redoaks,andcedarsfilledthewoodsandtransformedwiththeseasons,providingan
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endlessarrayofbeauty.We’vebeenstarvedforthis.Wesoakeditin.Granted,thesepticsystembackedupregularly,andalmosteveryfixtureneededreplacing.Butthoseweresmallhindrances.Ourfamilycouldbreathehere,andtheeighteenacresoflandthatcamewiththehousewasmorethanwecouldhavehopedfor.It
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becameoursanctuaryinthemidstofourtightropewalkoffinancialinsecurity.Wehadnomoney,buttheviewwaspriceless.
Withhiscalmpresencegracingtheproperty,Flashseemedtocompleteournewlifestyle.Itjustfeltrighttohavehaybalesonhandforour“livestock,”tocheckfencesforneededrepairs,and
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topetaneagernoseoverthegate.EvenBeauseemedtoresignhimselftosharingouraffectionwithanotheranimal,althoughhemadeapointtobarkatFlashwheneverhecould.
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WehadonlyhadFlashforacoupleofmonthswhenourlandlordsstoppedbytovisit.They’djustmovedintoanoldcottagethatwasonthesamepropertywerentedfromthem,whichnowmadeusneighbors.ALouisiana–born-and-bredblondebelle,Bridgettemadeastrikingcontrasttoherhusband,Steve,atall,bearded
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Midwesterner.WhereBridgettewasvivaciousandtalkative,Stevewasreservedandquiet.WhileStevefavoredflannelshirtsandjeans,Bridgettealwayslookedasifshe’dsteppedoutofafashionmagazine,herathleticfigureaccentuatedbyslimskirtsandfittedblouses.Bridgettehadpioneeredaprestigiousarchitectural
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designfirminDallasandrepresentedeverythingIwasnot:beautiful,educated,confident,successful,worldly,fit,stylish,professional.Iavoidedherasoftenaspossible.Whichwasnoteasy,sincetheynowneighboredus.
BridgetteandStevehadrecentlymarriedandshedtheirfabulouscareersand
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chicdowntownDallaslofttostrikeoutontheirownasentrepreneurs.Everythingaboutthemwascool—eventhefacttheyhaddownsizedtothesmallhouseontheproperty.Theydesignedcorporatespacesfromtheirfrontporchbydayandworkedintheirorganicgardenintheevenings.I’m
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quitesuretheylovedhummusandknewallaboutfinewines.
Beneaththeshadeofthecedartreesthatlinedthepasture,wechitchattedabouttheweatherandcaughtupontheneighborhoodnews.Justthen,Flashmeandereduptothegate,lookingforanearscratch.
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“Haveyoumetournewdonkey?”Iasked,turningtoseeiftheywereimpressed.
“Oh,we’vealreadymadefriendswiththisguy,”Bridgettedrawledasshereachedforward,herexpensivebraceletsclanking.“Idn’thejus’adorable!Wejus’lovehim.”
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Wesmiledlikeproudnewparents,pleasedwiththeirprogeny.Yes,Flashwasarealmemberofthefamily.Akeeper.Westartedtogushabouthisemergingqualities,butwhatweheardnextsilencedthewordsonourlips.
“Andguesswhat!”Bridgettecontinued,enthusiasmspilling.“We’ve
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givenhimtheperfectname!”Oursmilesfrozeinplace.
Wait.You’vedonewhat?Shepauseddramatically
aswestared,wide-eyedindisbelief.Withaflourish,shewentfortheBigReveal.“Hisnameis...Hay-soos!Youknow,it’saSpaynishname!”Sheclappedherhandstogetherindelight.“Idn’tthatperfect?”
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Perfect?No,notintheleast.Jesús,whileacommonnameinSpanish,wouldneverbeusedformydonkey,whoalreadyhadaname:Flash.
“Well,hi,Hay-soos!Howyadoin’?”shegreetedFlashashenosedinformoreaffection.Shepronounced“hi”like“hah,”anditsuddenlygratedonmynerves.Flashclearlydidnot
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sharemymisgivingsaboutthisnamebecausehehomedrightinontheattention.
Sopleasedwiththeirexcellentnamingofouranimal,thesewell-meaningneighborsseemedoblivioustoourawkwardprotestthathe’dalreadybeennamedFlash.Byus.Hisowners.The
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peoplehebelongsto.Theoneswhoownhim.Yeah.Nope,theyjustkepttalking.
“Hay-soosissoentertaining!Wejustlovegivinghimcarrotsoverthefenceandticklingthosebigol’lipsofhis!”Theylaughed,throwingtheirheadsbackindelight.Butallwecouldhearwas“Hay-soosthis”and
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“Hay-soosthat,”andeachtime,webecamemoreannoyed.
Thenerve.Tonamesomeoneelse’spet.Why,I’dneverdreamofgoingovertotheirhouseandpresumingtorenameoneoftheirfancycats.Mybackprickled.
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IheardMissSouthernBelle,Bridgette,callingFlashfromherbackyard.“Yoo-hoo!Hah,Hay-soos!Comeheah,darlin!”shecooed.Iclosedmyeyesandclenchedmyteeth.
“Don’tgo,Flash.Don’tgooverthere.Don’tanswertothat!”Isentthoughtwavestoencapsulatemynew
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donkeyinaprotectivementalforcefield,willinghimtostayaway.
Butno.Uh-uh.Flashappearedtobecompletelyoverhisinitialshynessashetrottedovertothefence,happyasaclamtorespondtohisalias—especiallyiftherewerecarrotsinvolved.Dayafterday,Iwatchedindisgust
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ashesoldhisdignityforahandout.Flash,whereisyourself-respect?
Thiscouldmeanonlyonething:war.Asubtlewar.Ihitchedupmymomjeansandappliedsomelipstick.Ashotofhairspray.Ready.
IdroppedFlash’snameintoeveryconversationwithourneighbors,whetheritfitthecontextornot.
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“Niceweatherwe’rehaving!Flashsureisenjoyingit.”Iemphasizedhisnamewithjustalittleedgeandwaitedfortheirresponse,whichnevercame.
“Oh,whatalovelyoutfityou’rewearing.IshouldcallFlashoverheretoadmireit.”
“Ihearthere’sanewmoviecomingout.IsurewishIcouldtakeFlashtosee
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it.”Imadeapointof
correctingeverymentionoftheunmentionablenameIheard.But,havingbeenraisedinchurch,Ididitonlyinthenicest,sweetestwaypossible,soastokeepmyChristianwitness.
Bridgettesaid,“IjustloovetoheahHay-soosbray!Hejustmakesmehappy.”
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“Oh,Iknow.”Ismiled.“Flashcancertainlymakesomenoise.Flashissosilly.Flashreallylikestohearhimself.”Mystrategyseemedtofallondeafears.
Undaunted,Iemployedanothertactic:IspokedirectlytoFlashhimself.Heobviouslyneededagoodtalking-tosohewouldstoprunningovertoBridgette
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everytimeshecalledhimbythatothername.Nothisrealname.Thenamethatsomebodyelsedubbedhim.
Itookmydonkey’sshaggyheadintomyhandsandlookedintohiswarm,browneyes.Heflaredhisnostrilsandgavemeaninnocentlookinreturn.His
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muzzlehairspokedinalldirections,givinghimanextraboostofaudaciousness.
“Flash,”Isaid.“Baby,you’vegottostopthisbusinessofrespondingto‘Hay-soos’everytimeyouhearit,whenthatisnotyourname.Youalreadyhaveaname:Flash.It’sFlash,becauseIownyou,andI’mtheonlyonewhohasthe
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righttonameyou.Otherpeoplecancallyouanyothernameinthebook,butgetthisstraight:That’snotyourname.Youbelongtome.Youaremine.Therefore,whatevernameI’vegivenyou—that’syourname.”
Isawasparkofunderstandinginhisexpression,soIlethimgo.Butnotwithoutonelastmom
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glareandatwo-fingerpointfrommyeyestohisandbackagainthattoldhimImeantbusiness.Iwantedtoseeachangeinhisbehavior,andthatwasthat.Heloweredhisheadandkickedthedirt.Yes,heobviouslyunderstood.
NowifIcouldonlygetoverfeelingintimidatedbyourwildlysuccessfulneighborsandflatouttell
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BridgetteandStevetoknockitoff.ButIsomehowcouldn’tbringmyselftoconfrontthem.Ifeltfinewithlight,briefconversationandthinlyveiledhints,butI’dseenBridgette’swebsitewithherimpressivebio,thelistofprestigiousboardssheservedon,andtheglossyphotographsofallherhigh-endcorporatearchitectural
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designs...andthewordsjuststuckinmythroat.Mypaint-splatteredworkclothes,theFordExplorerwithfadingpaint,andthepostdatedrentcheckonlyreinforcedthattheywerewayoutofourleague.Ugh.
Intruth,thislittlespatoverFlash’snamehadbroughtupinsecuritiesI’dbeentryingtosquelch.The
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changeinourlocationandsceneryhadn’tchangedthefactthatIwascomingupshortonallfrontsandthatmyfailureskeptbubblingover,nomatterhowhardItriedtokeepalidonthem.Therazor-thinedgeofthewill-we-or-won’t-we-make-itpursuitofourartisticdreamsseemedtoamplifymyshortcomings.Beingconfrontedwitha
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gorgeouscouplewhoseemedtohaveitallonlymademyflawsallthemoreobvious.
ButIcouldn’tthinkaboutthatnow.Ineededtopaintaprincess-themednurseryforaclient,andIhadn’tquitefiguredouthowIwasgoingtogetitdoneinthetimeI’dallotted.Irushedtosketchthe
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designonthewallandquicklylostmyselfinthework.
“Mom,didyouforgettopickmeup?”Grayson’svoiceonmycellphonebroughtmescramblingdownmyladderatthejobsiteandhurryingtothetruckinafitofpanic.Howcoulditbe4:30already?He’dbeenwaitinganhourforme.
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“I’llberightthere,Gray.I’msosorry!Iforgotaboutthetime.”HowcouldIhavebeensothoughtless?ItwasGrayson’sfirstdayofmiddleschool;I’dvowedthatonthisdayIwouldstartdoingabetterjobofstayingorganized,andI’dalreadyfailed.
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“Stupid,stupid,stupid!”IchidedmyselfasIspedtheseventymilesfromthejobsitetohisschool.“Iamsostupid!”Iarrivedanhourlatertofindhimsittinginthedarkenedschooloffice,asecretarykeepinghimcompanyasthepoorkidwaitedforhisnegligentmomtocome.Happyfirstdayofsixthgrade,son.Mommy
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lovesyou.Shejustforgotaboutyou.
Myfailuresasamotherstackeduprelentlessly.IrememberedhowIusedtohaveanicedinneronthetableatadecenttime,andhowIkeptthehousepickedupandtendedourchildren’sneedswithfocusandenergy.Thesedays,keepingourheadsabovewatermeant
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puttinginlongworkhours.Loadingladdersandequipmenteachdayexhaustedme,andmyeveninghourswerespentplanningandsketchingupcomingprojects.
Ontheonehand,Ienjoyedtheworkandlovedthecreativity,butIwasadistractedparent,andonewithashorttemper,atbest.I
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missedthesimplerdays,whenmygoalsasamotherhadbeenclearandIhadthetimetobeintentionalinmyparenting.Ihatedpullingshirtsfromthebottomoftheclotheshamperandfluffingtheminthedryerwithantistaticsheets,tryingtopassthemoffasclean.Thissystemfoolednobody.Chippingfrozengroundbeef
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inthefryingpanwhilemyhungryfamilygnawedonchipsat8:00p.m.demoralizedme.Bedtimedevotionswiththekids?Ha.
“Inadequate.”Idugthewordintomyjournalwithmypen,tearingthepageswiththeforce.Mydistractedness,myinabilitytocompleteatask,myfailuretoseethethingsthatwereimportantto
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myhusband—itwasarecurringthemeinourmarriagewhenthingsgottough.
Wearefortunate;ourconflictsarefewandfarbetween.Butwhenwehavethem,itseemstheycenterondifferencesinpriorities,andItakeithard.He’stheplanner,whileIworkoffofahopeandaprayer.He’stheone
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whomeasurestothecentimeter,whileIeyeballandguess.Heneedsthingstidy,andIdon’tseethemess.Whenyou’rethe“close-is-good-enough”partnertoa“do-it-right-or-not-at-all”person,it’seasytofeellikethebiggestfailure-wifeofalltime.Itwasn’tTom’sfaultItookthingsthatway....Itwasmine.I’dhearhimmake
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asmallrequestfor,say,rememberingtobuytoothpaste,andI’dnaturallyassumeitmeantIwascompletelyinadequateandworthless.
Myfocusgotlost.Igotlost.Yes,theTexaslandscapewasbeautiful,butIcouldn’tseeitanymore.Myto-dolistoverwhelmedme.Everythingclamoredforattention:The
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laundryneededsorting;Graysonneededhelpwithascienceproject;ournewclientwaitedonasketch;weedsovertooktheflowerbeds;wewereoutofmilk;theExplorer’senginemadeknockingsounds;hockeypracticestartedinanhour....Iimploded.I’dbeginonetask,onlytobepulledby
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another,thenanother,andattheendofthedayhavenothingdone.
ThereweresomemorningswhenIcouldn’tevengetoutofbed,letalonewagewarovermydonkey’sname.
JustthenIheardBridgette’scheerygreetingtoFlashringoutyetagain.Isighed.AndasIpeered
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throughthecurtaintoseehimeagerlytrottingtothefencewithhisearswobblingfromsidetoside,somethingstrangehappened.Ifeltawhisper.Okay,maybenotevenawhisper,butsomething.Anudge,athought.
Atickleonmyskin.Snippetsfromaverse
droppedintomyhead:
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Ihavecalledyoubyname;youaremine.
Thewordscaughtmeoffguard.WherehadIheardthembefore?IknowI’vereadthemsomewhere.IreachedformyBibleandflippedpages,finallyfindingtheminIsaiah43:1:
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Butnow,OJacob,listentotheLORDwhocreatedyou.
OIsrael,theonewhoformedyousays,
“Donotbeafraid,forIhaveransomedyou.
Ihavecalledyoubyname;youaremine.”
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Thelettersleapedoffthepage.
“Youaremine.”Deepbreath.Oh.Ihad
notexpectedthis.AsmuchasIbelievedinaGodwhocaredaboutmeandcouldcertainlyspeaktoanyone,atanytime,Iwonderedifthismightbethat“stillsmallvoice”thatpeopletalkedabout.Consumedbymylittlevortex
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offailure,I’dbeendoingmoreblamingthanconnectingwithHim.Ijustkeptmuddling,struggling,failing,andrepeating.
Butsomehow,Hewasusingadonkeytoleadmetoasimpletruth.
Howapropos.BecauseIfeltprettymuch
likeadonkey’shindend.IwasnodifferentfromFlash.I
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hadanidentitycrisisofmyowngoingon.Somehow,inthebusynessofthekids’activities,work,cooking,payingthebills,andtryingtojuggleitall,I’dstoppedpayingattentiontomyspirituallife.Prayerhadbecomelittlemorethanaccusationsandpleasforhelp,addressedtoaGodsomewhereupthere.Time
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spentlisteningforHim,orreadingHisWord,wasnonexistent.Whybother?Focusingonmyself,myproblems,andmysolutions,IhadlettheconnectionwithmyMakergocold.
Isawmyselfasthecenterofmyownuniverse,utterlyinadequateineverything.Droppingalltheballs.Afailureinmyartisticventure.
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Aterriblebusinesswoman.Amomwhoforgottopickupherkidatschool.Alone,eveninthemiddleofabeautifulfamily.Lost,inthemidstofanewcountrylife.Alwaysbehind,foreverfloundering.Afraidofbeingdiscoveredasafraud.WhoamIkidding?I’mnobody.Ilistenedtothewhispersthatcalledintoquestionmyvalue—value
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thatwasbasedonmyperformanceinsteadofthemagnificentgracepouredoutonmefromtheheartofalovingheavenlyFather.
TheOnewhoseIam.TheOnewhonamedme.
I’dforgottenjustwhoIbelongedto,andthatmyFatherhadgivenmeaname—infact,manynames—thatexpressedHisloveforme.In
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thatmoment,GodremindedmethatmyvaluecomesfrommyrelationshipwithHim,andnotmy“success”asamom,orasawife,orasafriend,orasabusinessperson.
Igrabbedasmallspiralnotebookandwrote,
Rememberyourname.
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BelowitIputthesewords:
Knowwhoyoubelongto.
ThenIrealizedthat,likeagoodTexanwithpoorgrammar,somethingaboutthatsentencewasn’tright.We’dsayit,“Knowwhoyabelongta.”SoIscribbleditoutandcarefullyprinted,
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Knowwhoseyouare.
Knowwhoseyouare.Ipausedandlookedoutthewindow.MyidentityreallystartsandendswiththeOnewhocreatedme.ThereisabeautifulpoeminPsalm139thatsaysHeknitustogetherinthewombandknowsourinnermostparts.HecreatedusinHisimageandthensat
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backandsaid,“Itisgood.”Blinkinghard,Irealizedsomething:Goddoesn’tmakemistakes.Hecreatedmetobeuniquelyme,andIhadsimplyforgottenwhoseIwas.Ihadbeenoperatingfromthewrongowner’smanual.
Ohboy.Asmyownmaster,thenamesIcalledmyself.NamesIrespondedto
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assoonasIheardthem.Namesthatweren’tactuallymine.
Failure.Worthless.Inadequate.Afraid.Fraud.Stupid.
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IwrotethenamesinmynotebookandcontinuedlistingeverynameIcouldthinkofthatIcalledmyself.Intheend,Ihadaprettylongandpatheticlist.OnsomanylevelsIhadbeatmyselfupinmy“self-talk.”ForgettingwhoIbelongedtohadcreatedanopenseasonforblastingawayatmyself.AndIsuddenlyrealizedthatI’dlet
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myveryidentitybeformedbythenamesIcalledmyself,becauseIhadconfusedwhatIdowithwhoIam.Isawmyselfthroughadistortedprism.AllIhadtodowasthinkbacktomylastlowmoment,andbingo—Icouldhearmyselfsaying,“Hello,MyNameIs_______________.”JustasifIwerewearingitonaname
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tag.
Hello,MyNameIs___________________________:Afraid:I’mparalyzedbyfearofrejectionandfailure.Alone:Nooneunderstandsme.Unloved:IfGodlovedme,howcouldHeallowthis?
Unlovable:I’mobviouslynot
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Unlovable:I’mobviouslynotworthloving.Lost:Iwillneverfindmyway.Unworthy:IcannotacceptloveandaffirmationbecauseI’msuchaloser.Failure:Um,obvious.Sinner:Ikeepcommittingthesamestupidsinsoverandoveragain.
Damaged:Mywoundsaretoo
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Damaged:Mywoundsaretoodeeptoheal.Ugly:GodusedallHisbeststuffonthecheerleadersandgavemetheleftovers.Defeated:Whyeventry?Stupid:Iamconstantlymakingdumbmistakes.Fake:OnedayeveryonewillfindoutI’mnotwhotheythinkIam.
Inadequate:Icannotmeasure
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Inadequate:IcannotmeasureuptothewomanIshouldbeforthepeopleIlove.Nobody:Idon’tmatter.
Thatafternoon,ithitme.AsachildofGod,IbelongtoHim.Hemademe.Heownsme.IamHis.
This.Changes.Everything.
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Godseesmethroughthelensofeternity,throughgraceandthroughthemercythatmakesallthingsnew.Complete.Perfect.MyidentityisinHim.OnlyHehastherighttonameme.Asamatteroffact,onlyHehastherighttonameyou.
MyheartbeatalittlefasterasIwrotedownthenamesHehadgivenme.
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Later,IfollowedeachwithaScripturereference,butatthetime,justseeingthelistofnamesoverwhelmedme.Ipicturedeachwordasanametag.
Hello,MyNameIs________________________.BraveUnderstoodLoved
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PreciousFoundWorthySuccessfulForgivenWholeBeautifulAbleWiseGenuineEnoughAdaughter
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Settingthenotebookaside,Ilacedupmytennisshoesandmademywaytothebackwoods,whereFlashlikedtopasstheafternoonsintheshadeofthetalloaks.Atthesoundofmycall,hishoovesrustledtowardmethroughtheunderbrush.
“Flash!Hey,buddy.”Hecametoastandstillinfrontofmeandloweredhisheadto
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sniffmyshirtandrubhisforeheadonmystomach.Whatadifferencefromthescareddonkeyhe’dbeenjustweeksago.Perhapsownershiphadchangedhimaswell.Heseemedeagerforagood,all-overscratching,andIcouldn’tresistgivinghimoneasIcontinuedtoponder.
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Ifyou’veeverhadaparadigmshift,canyourelatetohowitfeelslikegiantbouldersaremovingfromonesideofyourbraintoanother?Itiltedmyheadtohastentheprocess,andI’mnotsureithelped,butIstillcouldn’tdenythatsomethingbighadhappened.Somethingsolidified.
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IbelongtoGod.IamHis.MyidentityisinHim.Hehasgivenmeanewname.IamnotwhatIdo.Myvaluedoesn’tcomefrommysuccessesormyfailures.WhatIdocomesfromwhoIam,nottheotherwayaround.
Myvalueisinherent,not
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Myvalueisinherent,notearned.
No,Ididn’thearanypealsofthunderorangelchoirssinging,andnotrumpetsblaredtoannouncea“HearYe,HearYe”truthtomyhurtingheart.Therewasjustthisfunny-lookingburrowhohadlandedonourdoorsteplateonenight.And
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thereinthebackwoods,whilescratchingadonkey’sears,Ilearnedanincrediblething:Godcanuseanything,atanytime,inanyway,tospeaktome.
Fortunately,Hewasfarfromfinished.
Rememberyourname.Knowwhoseyouare.
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Ifyou’reapersonwholikescertainty,thencomeondowntoTexasinJuly.Youarecertaintoexperiencesearingtemperaturesthattoponehundreddegreeseachandeveryday.Youcandependonwideblueskies,punctuatedbypuffywhitecloudsthatofferonlyfleetingmomentsofshadebeforeleavingyoutobakeonce
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againundertheblisteringsun.Mostassuredly,you’llrunfromair-conditionedbuildingstoair-conditionedcarstoair-conditionedbuildings,clutchingasweaterforthechillyindoorclimateswhileperspiringprofuselyinbetweenentries.You’llsuddenlyunderstandSoutherners’deepaffectionforsweetteaandlemonade
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andrealizethatcowboyhatsaren’tonlyaniconoftheWest,butawayofavoidingsunburnednecksandfaces.
LaurenandRoberthadpickedJulyfortheirweddingbutalsohadthesensetogethitchedinsideachurchwithpowerfulairconditioners.Thefrostingonthecakeheldtight,whichwasmorethanIcouldsayformyhairthat
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droopedlikemeltedganache.Butthat’sonlyasmallfootnoteonawondrousevent;despitetheheat,itwasapicture-perfectwedding.
Texassummersseemtostretchendlessly,thehotwindblastingacrosstheprairiesandwitheringallbutthehardiestofvegetation.Dayafterswelteringday,thoseofuswholiveherefind
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ourselvesyearningforthatfirstcoolbreezethattellsusautumnisonitswaywiththenorthernjetstream.
Nowautumn,asfarasseasonsgo,isarealguessinggame.Youneverknowifyou’regoingtogetgorgeousfallcolorsonthetrees,oriftheleaveswillsimplyturnbrownandfalloff.I’vebeentoldithassomethingtodo
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withtheamountofrainduringtheyear,butreally,it’sallconjecture.Noonereallyknows.We’reallhappytohavesurvivedtheheat,sovibrantleafcolorismerelyabonus,likehavinggravyonyourchicken-friedsteak.Don’tevengetmestartedonwinterweather.
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Butsinceyoubroughtitup,let’sjustsayTexaswintersarecrazy.Theybringhugefluctuationsinweatherpatterns,resultingintheobvious:anextremedependenceonhairproducts.EverywomaninTexaslivesinastateofperpetualpreparedness.Wordtothewise:Ifyouknowwhat’sgoodforyou,donotget
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betweenmeandmycanofsuperholdhairspray.AdayinJanuarymightbesunnyandseventy-fivedegrees,andthenextdaywilllikelybringfreezingtemperaturesandbitingwindsthatcanknockthebreathrightoutofyou...andreduceyourcarefullycoifed“hair-do”toalimp“hair-was.”Inseconds.Buthairproblems
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notwithstanding,IsecretlyenjoytheschizophrenicwintersbecauseIlikewakinguptosurprises.Especiallyonesthatbringflip-flop–wearingsunshineandachancetowearshortsinmidwinter.
Withsuchextremes,itwasnecessarytohaveasuitableshelterforFlash,andourthree-sidedbarnmadea
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perfecthome.Hecouldgoinandoutashepleased,findingwelcomeshadeforloafingonasummerdayandprotectionfromtheunpredictablewind,rain,andsleetduringothertimesoftheyear.
“Flashstillprefersthewoods,”Tomobserved.“Ithinkhelikestokeephisoptionsopen.”Nonetheless,underFlash’swatchfuleyes,
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Tominstalledahayrackandwaterbucketinthebarn,shoredupthepartition,andhunglightingsowecouldseeatnight.TheseimprovementsreceivedFlash’sstampofapproval,withthehayrackbeinghismostcherishedfeatureofall.Youwouldhavethoughthishaywasbeingserveduponfinechina,asheeagerlypulleditfrom
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thesturdymetalstructure,onemouthfulatatime.Itwasfinedining,donkeystyle.Whennoteatingorcombingthefloorforanydroppedbitsofhay,Flash’sfavoriteplacetostationhimselfwashalfinandhalfoutofthestallopening.Backendprotected,frontendoutwherehecouldseewhatwasgoingon.Withsoftwoodshavingsonthedirt
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floor,Flashhadacomfyspotfordozing.Prettynicedigsforaonce-homelessfellow,anditfeltgoodtoseehimenjoythespace.
Astheseasonschanged,Flashhimselfseemedtotransformwiththem.Hissleek,summeryhairwasagainreplacedbyathick,furrycoatthatmadehimappearfuzzyandchunky—
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alookthatwasendearingonhim.Thehaironhisforeheadanddownhisnosecurledinalldirections,givinghimakindofplump,teddybearcharm,andthecreamywhitehaironhischestandbellyfeltassoftasvelvetandtwiceasdeep.EverytimeIsawhim,Ijustwantedtosqueezehim,soIusuallydid.
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Flashwasgettingaccustomedtomyburstsofaffection,andthoughhepretendedtosimplytoleratethem,Inoticedhe’dstartedtocomerunningwhenIcalled.However,assoonashegotnearme,he’dpullupandactlikehejust“happened”tobepassingby.“Oh,youwanttohugme?Well,ifyoumust,Iguessit’sokay,”Flash’s
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demeanorintimated,barelyhidinghisdelight.Perhapsinhispreviouslifehe’dbeendisappointedsooftenthathedidn’twanttoappeartooeager.
Nonchalance,asI’dfoundinmyownexperience,isaneffectivedefensemechanism.Seeingitlingerinhimtouchedme,andIsqueezedhimalittlemoretightly
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becauseofit.Andsincewinterhadarrived,Ithrewinanextrahandfulofhay,which,incontrast,hereceivedwithjoyoussnortsandnickers.Nottheslightestbitofindifferencetobefound.
Februaryarrived,bringingaweekofdelightfullywarmweather.Outcametheshortsandsandals.Ofcourse,itwas
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immediatelyfollowedbyarecord-breakingcoldfrontdubbed“TheArcticBlast”bylocalmedia.Ithurledinfromthenorthwithfreezingrainthatbroughtourbusylivestoastandstill.ItprobablygoeswithoutsayingthatTexansdon’tfunctionwellinice,butIthoughtI’dgoaheadandmentionit.Thepeltingicestormstartedduringthenight
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andcontinuedthroughoutthefollowingday,andallroadswereshutdown.Bridgesandoverpassesbecameslipperydeathtraps.Schoolattendancewasunthinkable.Wesatgluedtoourtelevisionsetlikeweatherzombies.Ajackknifed18-wheeleronI-35?Wemustwatchthis.
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Asthetreesandnativegrassesbecameencrustedwithlayeruponlayerofice,theyglitteredeerilylikeascenerecreatedfromaNarnianwinter.Thetemperaturesdroppedfurther,andthesleetkeptcomingasthedeciduoustreesbegantobowundertheweight.Thebranchesofthecedarsaroundthehousewerealsobending
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beneaththeloadofice;bynightfalltheynearlytouchedtheground.
Inside,Iturnedonallthelampsandlitscentedcandlestocelebratebeingcozyandsafeandwarmonsuchanunforgivingnight.ThekidswerealreadyintheirpajamasandsatonarugbythefireplacewithBeau,whowasonlytoohappytojointhem
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astheystartedamovie.Canceledschoolmeantalate-nighttreatforeveryone,includingthedog.Tom,anatureenthusiast,wasn’tcontenttonestleinthecomfortofourlivingroom.Iwatchedhimdonhisjacketandhat.
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing,honey?”Iaskedashepulledonthickgloves.I
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hadalreadyguessedwhathisresponsewouldbe.
“I’vegottoseehowbaditisoutthere.”
TomalwayssecretlyhopesforaTexasblizzard—notsurprisingforsomeonewhogrewupinMinnesotaandharborsanintensefascinationwithwintryblasts.Mercy,he’dloveagoodsnowstorm.Butshortofa
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blizzard—theweathereventofhisdreams—iceisclearlythenextbestthingtosnow.He’dneverforgivehimselfifhemissedit.Momentsafterclosingthedoorbehindhim,hepokedhisnosebackinside.
“Comeoutherewithme,”hecalled.Ihadseenenoughwithoneglimpse—itlooked
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awfullycoldandmiserableoutthere.
Ishookmyheadandsankalittledeeperintomyafghanonthecouch.No.I’mgood.Thankyou,though.Seriously,Ifeltquitecomfortableinsidewhereitwasniceandwarm.Myfuzzysocksweredelightful.
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“Pleasecome.Iwantyoutoexperiencethis!”heinsisted,hisblueeyesdancing.
Sighing,Isetmybookfacedownonthecushion,gotup,anddutifullyputonaheavycoatandshoes.GraysonandMeghanlookedoninamusement.Theywereaccustomedtotheirfather’sweatherobsessionandhad
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alreadysetoutseldom-usedplasticsaucersforhillslidingwithhiminthemorning.Ifollowedhimoutintotheicyevening,andheputhisarmaroundmeaswesteppedacrossthecrunchygrass.
“Rach,you’vegottoseethis!”Tomsaid.Heactsjustlikeakidduringtheseclimaticoccurrences.Ihadtosmile.Despitemyself,I
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alwaysgetdrawnintohisexcitementforthesimplethings.
Hewhippedouthishigh-poweredflashlightandaimedthebeamintothetrees.Theyshimmeredinthelight,theirglitterylayersoficeflashingandsparkling.Thebaublesoficethatclungtothecedars
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soundedlikeathousandbeadeddressesswayinginthecoldnightbreeze.
Hewasright.Itwasworthcomingoutside.Andtothinkitdidn’tcostapenny.
“Now,”Tomsaid,“behold!”Inagrandgesture,hemovedthebeamoutintothepasture,wherethewintergrassesstoodfrozenintheirwhitecouture.Eachblade,
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eachplant,eachstickwasapictureofmagicalperfection,asifcoatedwithglimmeringfairydustagainsttheblacksky.
“Ohhh,”Ibreathed.Itlookedsimplyamazing.Westoodawestruckbythebeautyandsavoreditinthedarknessthatsurroundedus.Tomslowlydirectedtheshaftoflightacrossthesmallfield
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andtowardthebarn.Thelighttippedthegrassandshrubsasitmovedalong,ignitingicysparklesinitspath.
Suddenlyadark,shaggylumpappearedinthespotlight.Tombackedupandshonehisflashlightacrossthegraymassagain.Whatintarnation?
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Flash!Huddledjustoutsidethebarninthefreezingrain,thedonkeyraisedhisheavyheadandpeeredbackatusquestioningly.“Huh?”heseemedtosay.Hestartedtowardus,andasheneared,wecouldseethathe,too,wascoveredinthickice.OnlyonFlash,theicecoatwasn’tnearlyasglamorousasthe
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onewornbythecedars.Crusty,frozendirtballsstucktohislongwinterhair,andamassofmuddyicicleshungfromhismane.Hewasacold,filthymess.
“Flash,whatareyoudoing?”Iscoldedhim.“Whyonearthareyoustandingoutsidethebarnwhenyoushouldbeinsidewhereit’sniceanddry?”I’dcheckedon
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himearlierinthedayandmadesureheknewhehadplentyofhayintheopenstall.Ineverimaginedhe’dchoosetobravetheelementsinstead.
Flashpulledupclosetothegateandgavemeapatheticlookthatsaid,“Pleaseletmecomeintoyourcozyhousetogetwarm.”
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Well,therewasn’tachanceintheworldthatthatwasgoingtohappen,butbeforeIcouldopenmymouthtosethimstraight,Tomturnedtomeandsaid,“Whydon’tyouheadbackinside?I’mgoingtogivethepoorguysomeoats.”
“He’lljustthinkyou’rerewardinghimforhisignorance,”Icalledafterhim,
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buttonoavail.Mymanwasalreadyofftohavemercyonthefrostybeastwhocouldn’tseemtofigureouthowtoescapethesleet.Ishookmyhead.Aww,Flash!You’reawfullycute,butwhere’syourcommonsensetonight?
Tomgaveawhistle,whichhadbecomehissignaturecall,andFlashfollowedacrossthefrozen
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pasturetothebarn.Onceinsidetheshelterofthestall,Tomgavehimahandfulofoatsandthenmadeahastytriptothehouseforsomesupplies:towels,blankets...andahairdryer.Backhewenttothebarn,andFlashshivereduncontrollablywhileTompulledtheiceclodsoffhimandblottedhismattedhairwithmygoodbath
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towels.Flashwassoakedallthewaytotheskin—anddangerouslycold.Withonehandaroundhisthicknecktoreassurehim,Tomturnedonthenoisyhairdryer.Flashstartledandtriedtobreakfree.
“It’sokay,Flash.We’vegottogetyoudry.”Tombegantoworkhimover,inchbyinch.
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Oncehegotusedtothewhirringsound,thedonkeyrelaxedandletthewarmairblowoverhim.GentlyseparatingFlash’shair,Tommassagedtheanimal’sbodywithhisfingers.Flashclearlylovedtheattention,cooperatingfullybyturningthiswayandthatsothatnopartofhimwasmissed.Hechewedslowlyonthehay,
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pausingwheneverTomhitaparticularlypleasantspot.Justabovethetail?Ohyes,please.
BythetimeTomfinishedthelengthysalontreatment,Flash’shairfeltsoftandfluffyasitcurledupalonghisbackinshinyringlets.Tomdecidedhewasfinallydry
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enoughtodrapewithaheavyblanket(alsooneofmygoodones)andleaveforthenight.
“Feelbetternow,buddy?”Flashgaveadeepsigh
andpressedTom’sjacketsleevewithhiswhitemuzzle.Witheyesclosedandhindfootresting,hewasthepictureofsleepygratitude.
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Afteronelastnogginscratch,Tomreturnedtothehouseandshedhisdirtyjacketandhat.Cuppinghishandsunderthehotwater,hestartedtowashupashegavemethereportonournow-fluffed-and-warmeddonkey.
“Ican’tfigureoutwhyhedidn’tgetoutofthesleetthisafternoon,”Tomsaid.“Hecouldhavebeenwarmand
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drythiswholetime,butitwaslikehedidn’tknowhowtotakeshelterinthebarnwhenitwasrightinfrontofhim.”
Itookthekettleoffthestovetofillamugwithhotcocoa.“Whatcouldpossiblyhavebeengoingthroughhismind?Ithoughthissenseofself-preservationwouldkeep
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himinside.”Itwasamystery.“Anyway,thankyouforgettinghimfixedup.”
“Gladtodoit.”Tomtookthemugfrommyhandsandsatdowninhisrecliner.IwasgratefulhehadtakenituponhimselftomakesureFlashwassafe.ItwasbeyondthekindofcoldIwantedtofacethatnight.Brrrr.Iwentbacktomybook,butawordTom
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hadsaidniggledatme.Ithoughtforamoment.Whatwasit?
Shelter.Thatwasit.ItwasthethingFlashhad
neededthemost,andithadbeenavailabletohimfromthemomentthestormhit.Justafewsmallstepswouldhavetakenhimrightinside,andhe’dhavebeensparedthe
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dangerousmiseryheexperiencedastheiceandtemperaturesfellthatday.Ipicturedhimashestoodthere,becomingcoatedwithsleet,andyetunable,orunwilling,toseekshelter.Ifeltbothsorryforhimandpuzzledbyhisbehavior.Icouldn’tunderstandit.
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Settingthebookdownonceagain,Isuddenlyhadavisionofmyownself—inthedarkestmomentsofmylife—standingoutside,coldandalone,justasFlashhadbeen.Ohsure,therehadbeenmanytimesI’dneededhelpandhadbeencomfortedbytheshelterofGod’spresence.ButtherehadalsobeenjustasmanytimesthatI’dstoodshivering
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inlonelymisery.CoulditbepossiblethatinmyownmomentsofdeepestneedIhadbeenjustthatclosetocomfortandnotrealizedit?
Refuge—truerefugeinthefaceoflife’sstruggles—canbefoundonlyinHim.Iknowthat.Sowhywasitthatwhentimesgottoughforus,thefirstthingIwantedtodowasgoshoppingforanew
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purse?Andeatsomethingcompletelydecadent,likeamoltendeath-by-chocolatedesserttoppedwithgooeyicecream?It’slikeIwantedtofindcomfortinthemall.Ormorespecifically,thefoodcourtofthemall.Orboth.
SometimesmyrefugedujourwaslosingmyselfonlineinFacebookandTwitter.DoingGooglesearchesfor
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red-carpethairstylesorshoppingonAmazon.Inevergotintoalcohol,butIhearitdoesabang-upjobofnumbingpain.I’vegotplentyoflittle“copingtechniques”forstressandstorms,butinrealityallofthemarejustsubstitutesfortruecomfort.Temporaryreliefformydeeperproblems.Theyare
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counterfeitsthatseemliketherealthing,butintheend,don’twork.
Iwaslearningthehardwaythatcounterfeitsingeneralcangetyouintotrouble.I’mremindedofthetimenotlongagowhenaninvitationtoaweddingtaughtmethisvaluablelesson.Imadealast-minutestopatthestoreforagiftandsomething
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towearbecause,asperusual,Ihadnothingsuitableonhand.Nowrunninglate,Idashedhomeandthrewonmynewoutfit,thenrealizedtheclothesI’dsohurriedlyboughtwouldshowthedreadedpantylines.Yikes.IrummagedlikeamadwomanthroughmydrawersandbasketsformySPANX,the
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miracleoutfitfixer,butcouldnotcomeupwithitanywhere.
Nottoworry.Inthedeeprecessesofmymemory,afashiontipI’donceheardsurfaced:Ifyou’reinapinchforabottom-smoother,simplycutthelegsoffofapairofpantyhoseandslidethetoppartonforaperfectsubstitute.
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Eureka!Igrabbedsomescissors,
slicedthelegsawayfromanoldpair,andputthemon.Fabulousidea—Iwasset.Andsoproudofmyinnovation.ButperhapsIshouldpointoutthatthetitleofthislittleillustrationshouldbe“ThingsThat
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SeemedlikeGreatIdeasattheTimeButDidNotLiveUptoExpectations.”
Themodifiedpantyhoseindeedworkgreatintheory...foraboutthefirsthour.Butaftersometimeelapses,theproblemssetin.
IhadmadeitallthewaythroughtheceremonyandintothereceptionwhenIrealizedthatmyscience
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wasn’tassoundasI’dassumed.AsIstooduptogetmorecheesefromtheappetizertable,thecutoffedgesofmyfauxSPANXrolleduptomyderrierelikeCubancigars,creatingavisualdisasterzone.Waytoomuchcheese,myfriends.
Mortified,Istifflymademywaytotheladies’roomforanadjustmentanddecided
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tostandfortherestofthereception.Therewouldbenodancingthatday.
Ilearned,viapersonalhumiliation,thatthereisnosubstitutefortheRealThing.
Oh,theBiblehassomuchtosayabouttheRealThing—thetruekindofrefugethatisfoundinitspages.It’soneofthosesubjectsthatmakesmyearsperkupwhenIhearit,
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maybebecauseIneeditsooften.Refuge—somethingthatbringscomforttothesoul—isoneofourdeepestneedsashumanbeings.Welongforit.Andwhenyouconsiderwhywedothethingswedo,theneedforrefugefuelsmostoftheactivityintheworld.
Webster’sdictionarydefinesrefugethisway:“protectionorshelter,asfrom
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dangerorhardship;asourceofhelp,relief,orcomfortintimesoftrouble.”
Refuge,inapracticalsense,is
Safety:protectionfromoutsideforces,the“stormsoflife”Security:freedomfromfear,whichallowsyoutoflourish
Significance:beingconfident
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Significance:beingconfidentinyourplaceintheworld;yourcontributionProvision:havingyourphysical,emotional,andspiritualneedsmetBelonging:knowingyouarepartofsomethingbiggerthanyourself
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IthoughtofthetimesI’dexperiencedavaguesenseofuneaseandunsettlednessthatwashardtoputafingeron.Andwhenweariness,likethekindIhadwhenFlashshoweduponourdoorstep,hadsettleddeeplyinmybones.Somethingseemedtobemissing,butwhat?Iwasgoingthroughthemotionsofparentingandworkingand
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serving,butIfeltliketherewasaholeinthemiddleofitall.Perhapsitwasthe“significance”factorortheaspectof“belonging”thatIwasn’texperiencing,andinsideIsimplylongedforsomekindofrefuge.
Andthentherewereothertimesinwhichthecircumstancesoflifeweretoopainfultobear,whenthe
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vagueuneasebecameabsolutedesperationforcomfort.
Iwasabouttoturnforty,andtwofaintpinklinesonastickfromatestkittoldmeIwaspregnant—tenyearsafterouryoungestchildhadbeenborn,fifteenandseventeenyears
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afterourdaughters.Oncethesurprise(andlet’sbehonest,panic)woreoff,excitementsetin.Thiswasthechildwehaddesiredforsolong,hadhopedfor,andhadgivenuponeverhaving.
ItthrilledmethatIwouldgettoexperiencemommyhoodalloveragain!Ilovedthoseyearswithlittleonesandcouldnotbelievewe
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weregoingtobeblessedwithafourthbaby.Andbothmysisterandsister-in-lawwereexpectingbabieswithindaysofmyduedate!Whatwerethechancesofthathappening?Wesurprisedmymotherwithback-to-backMother’sDayphonecallstellingherournews.Thewholefamilywaselated.
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Andthenourexcitementwascutshort.
“I’msosorry,”thedoctorsaid,tearsfillinghereyesinsympathyasshemovedtheultrasoundwandovermyabdomen.MyheartpoundedoutofmychestasIclutchedTom’shandinthesmallexaminationroom.Wescannedthedarkscreen,desperatetoseeanysignof
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movement,buttherewasnothing.Justatiny,lifelessformthathadbeenourbaby.
Justafewweeksbefore,inanefforttobreakupthemonotonyofalong,hotsummerday,IwasmakingaspontaneousruntothevideostorewithGraysonwhenourvehiclewashithead-onbyadistracteddriveronacountryroad.Wefeltluckytowalk
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awayfromthewreckunscratched,andIimmediatelywenttothedoctortomakesurethebaby’sheartbeatwasstillthere.Whatarelieftohearit!Butitdidn’tlast.
“Abruptionoftheplacenta,”theycalledit—theresultoftrauma.Insudden
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shockandgrief,thefloorfellawayfrommyfeet,theroomspinningaroundus.
Theygiveyoutwenty-fourhourstoabsorbthenewsbeforeinducinglabor.Theytellyoutogohomeandrest,thatitwillallsoonbeover.Theytellyouitis“nature’sway”andthatyou’llbeabletohaveotherbabies,don’tworry.Whattheydon’ttell
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youishowhardyou’llcry,orhowaloneyou’llfeel,orthatyourheartwillbreakinamillionpieceswhileyouwait.Theydon’ttellyouthatlabor,whenyouknowattheendofityou’llhavenobabytobringhome,ishorrific.Theydon’ttellyouthatwhenyourmilkcomesinandthereisnobabytonurse,you’llsitinthe
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showerandsobuntilyoucan’tsobanymore.Theydon’ttellyouanyofthat.
Butthen,nothingcanprepareyouforthiskindofdisappointment,thismuchheartache.
TomandIgottoseeourlittleboyinthedeliveryroom.WenamedhimCollin,andhewasbeautiful.Soutterlyperfect.Therewasa
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smallfuneralandatinycasketunderanawningintherain...andsomanyquestions.IwishedGodhadleftuswellenoughalone.We’dbeencontentwiththreewonderful,healthychildren—whyonearthhadHesnatchedCollinawaysocruelly,onlypretendingtogiveusanotherpreciousgift?
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FormonthsIcouldnotstopthetearsthatwouldcome,unbidden,asIwasheddishesorfoldedclothes,ordrovealongonthecountryroadwherethecarshadcollidedandmyhappylittleworldhadended.Icouldn’tbeartheholidays;thethoughtofseeingmysisterandsister-in-law’spregnantbellieswastoomuch,sowestayedaway.
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Ifeltaconstantlumpinmythroat,andIsqueezedmyeyesshutsoIwouldn’tthinkofthepreciouslife—thelittlefingersandtoesandbellybutton—thatwewouldneverknow.
Ineededrefuge.Comfortfortheanguishthatengulfedme.
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IclungtoPsalm34:18—“TheLORDisclosetothebrokenhearted;herescuesthosewhosespiritsarecrushed”—aswellasPsalm145:14—“TheLORDupholdsallwhofallandliftsupallwhoareboweddown”(NIV).Jesus,please.Pleasebeclosetome.MostdaysIcouldnotsenseHimanywhere.Buttherewassomethingthathad
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occurredduringthelongnightbeforeIwasscheduledforlaborthatgavemethetiniestglimmerofhope,atraceofrefugethatsomehowcarriedme.Itwasunexplainable.
Ithappenedwhentheoldclockradionexttomybedclickedonatatimenoonehadsetitfor.AsIstruggledtofigureoutwhytheradio
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wasonatthisstrangehour,asongbyFernandoOrtegabegantoplay.“Jesus,KingofAngels”pouredovermelikewarmhoney.That’stheonlywayIcandescribeit.Iweighedathousandpoundsandcouldnotmoveasthewordsgentlydrippeddownintomysoulandpooledthere.
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ThelyricsremindedmethattheinfiniteGodoftheuniverseismindfulofeachsparrowthatfalls.Mybaby.Oh,mylittleone.Hewasmindfulofalltheanxiousthoughtsthatfilledme,andHewouldbewithmeandkeepmeinHispeace.Thefinalnotesoftheguitarfaded.
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Tears,andmoretears.Mypillowwassoakedwiththem.IlayinthepredawngrayhoursandachedforthebabyIwasabouttodeliver,theoneIwouldnevergettoknow.Idreadedthehours,days,andweeksthatweretocome.Andyetmyheartreplayedthesonghundredsoftimesasthedarkdayspassed,areminderthatHispresence
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waswithme,evenwhenIcouldnotfeelHimorunderstandthewhys.
TherewasahintofapromisethatonedayIwouldagainrisetospeakthegoodnessofHisname,andtherewascomfort,eveninmyashes.Therecurringmelodypulledmethoselastfewfeetintotheshelterthat
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wasjustbeyondme.Iwaswarmandsafeanddry,eveninthemidstofhurting.
JustlikeFlashonthatcold,icynight.
Iwenttothewindow,whichwasnowglazedwithafinesheetofice.Throughit,Icouldseetheamberglowof
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thestalllightsshiningthroughthedarknessandspillingontothefrozengroundbeyond.AndIknewinmyheartthatIwasbeingpulledcloseonceagain.
Psalm91:1-2says,
ThosewholiveintheshelteroftheMostHigh
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willfindrestintheshadowoftheAlmighty.
ThisIdeclareabouttheLORD:
Healoneismyrefuge,myplaceofsafety;
heismyGod,andItrusthim.
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ItuckedintightlyunderHisshadow.ChosetotrustinHiscare.LeanedintoHiscomfort.
Shelter.Sanctuary.Refuge.God’spresenceisalways
withus,evenwhenwecan’tfeelorseeHim.Evenwhenwecan’tunderstandourcircumstances.Andthough
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wemighttryamillionotherwaystofillourvoidsandfindshelterfromourstorms,thereisnosubstitutefortherealthing.OnlyGodcanbeourtruesourceofrefuge.
Howmanytimesdowestandoutsideinthecoldwhenshelterissocloseathand?Sometimesallittakesisafewmoresteps—andthen
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weareinHisarms,encircledinHiscareandcarriedbyHiscomfort.
Hehasallthefreshtowelsandblanketsweneed.
Knowwheretofindrefuge.TruesanctuaryisfoundinGodalone.
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ItwasearlymorningwhenBridgettecalled.Aftertheformalchitchatabouthow-are-the-kids-and-how-is-Hay-soos(eyeroll),shegottoherpoint.
“I’vegotawonderfulopportunityforyourtalents,”shesaid.“Pleasepardonmyhuffingandpuffing.I’mtryingtogetmypowerwalkinwhileItalk.”
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“Noproblem,”Ireplied.Iwasstillinmybathrobe,butthatwouldn’tkeepmefromdiscussingbusiness.Ipouredasecondcupofcoffeeandgrabbedachocolatechipcookie,thebreakfastofchampions.
ItseemedthatsheandStevehadbeenhiredtodesignandoverseethefinish-outofacorporatebuildingin
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FortWorth,aprojectthatwouldincludearestaurantandcallcenter.
“Thiswouldbeper-fectforyouandTom,”Bridgetteremarkedwithenthusiasm.“It’sjustonebig,blankcanvas,andyourcreativitywillmakeitcometolife.Itneedscustomfinishes,artwork,signage,and
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furniture.And,bytheway,we’dliketohireyoutoheaduptheFF&E.”
Bridgettecontinuedon,discussingissuesanddescribinghervisionforthespace,hereffusivevoicefillingmyear.ButIwasn’tfollowingit.Iwasstillstuckon“FF&E.”FF&E?Neverheardofit.Weretheyactualletters,orawordspelled
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effeffeny?Ididn’twanttoappearfoolish,soIplayedalongwhileshethrewoutothertradeacronymssheobviouslyassumedIknew.IcaughtwhatIcouldandfuriouslyscribblednotessoIcouldlookthingsuplater.
“Wow,soundslikeagreatproject,”Isaidconfidently.“We’dlovetobepartofit!”Bridgette’senergyand
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excitementwerecontagious,andsomehowevenheruseofinsideindustrytermsmademefeelreadytotakeontheworld.Ourmuralbusinesswasstillbumpingalong,andthiswasexactlythebreakwe’dbeenwaitingfor.Wesetatimetomeetatthebuildingsiteandthenhungup.
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Myheartsank.Therealityofhavingtopresenttheideasinpersontotheclientsuddenlyhitme.WhatwasIthinking?Thisjobwaswaybeyondthescopeofanythingwe’deverdone,andIdidn’tunderstandevenhalfofwhatBridgettewastalkingabout.NotonlywasthisprojectgoingforwardinalanguageIdidn’tunderstand...Ialso
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didn’thavethewardrobeforit.Yearsofpaintingbabynurseriesandcrampedbathroomshadhardlypreparedmeforeffeffeny,orwhateveritwas.Itsoundedsocorporateandprofessional.Thiswouldnotendwell,Ijustknewit.Mystomachturnedatthethought.
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Meanwhile,Tomwascallingourplace“somekindofcircus,”andhewasn’ttoofaroffinhisassessment.Itseemedeveryanimalinthecountymadeitswayontoourpropertyatonetimeoranother:raccoonswhoregularlydinedonBeau’sdogfood,opossumswholovedpickingapartourtrash,micerunningamok,coyotes,
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bobcats,snakes,straydogs
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andcows...alllookingformischief,andtheyallseemedtofindus.
Infact,shortlybeforeFlashhadarrivedonthescene,wewereawakenedfromsleepbyfourloosehorsestraipsingthroughouryardatmidnight,followedbypeopleinpickuptruckswhoweretryingtoroundthemup.Maybeitwasthewhoops,
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hollers,andblaringmusicthatspookedtherenegades,orperhapsitwasthespinningtires,orthesoundofbeerbottlesbeingthrown,orthecrazygunfireaimedskywardthatmadethehorsesrunwildlyincircles.Hardtotell.Allweknewwasthatlater,whenastraydonkeyshowed
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up,itseemedlikejustanotheractinananimalcircusgoneawry.
Bythetimespringrolledaround,Flashhadbecomefriendswiththeratherlargeandcumbersomecattleinthenextpasture.Asweeducatedourselvesaboutdonkeys,welearnedtheyaresocialcreatureswhoarebestkeptwithotherdonkeys.
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Unfortunately,thatwasnotanywhereinourbudget.Flashwouldhavetoflysoloforawhile.
Intheabsenceofanotherdonkey,theymightmakedowithacow,horse,sheep,orgoat.Anythingbutadog,atleastinFlash’scase.Dogs(andcoyotes)aredonkeys’naturalenemies,whichexplainedawholelotabout
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FlashandBeau’schillyrelationship.Stillinabarking/kickingstandoffwithoneanother,eachdayfoundFlashatthebackfence,preferringtofraternizewiththefatbovinesontheothersidethanwithaslobbery,exuberantLab.Whilethecowsseemedmostlyindifferent—lyingdownorstandingwiththeirheads
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throughthefenceforthe“better”grassonourside—Flashhungoutnearthemlikeacomfortableoldcompanion.
Thedayswerewarming,andtherewasaslow,easypacetolifeinthepasture.IwishedIcouldsaythesameforlifeonthe“people”sideofthefence.Thestreamofmaraudinganimalsonlycomplicatedthejugglingact
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ofworkandfamily.Therewasnothinglikepickingupthecontentsofanoverturnedgarbagecanafteragangofraccoonshadpickedthroughit,whilestilltryingtomakeittotheday’sjobsiteontime.Countrylife,whilemuchprettierthansuburbanlife,takesawholelotmoreworktomaintain.
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Finally,aweekendarrivedthatwasn’tfilledwithhockeygamesandtripstoHomeDepotforprojectsupplies.Wecouldcatchuponsomeofourownhoney-dosforachange.Istoodatthekitchensinkandplungedmyhandsintothesudsywatertotacklethepileofdishesfromthenightbefore.
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Washingdishesdidn’tseemquitesobadwhenIhadtimetolookoutthewindowandwatchGraysonuntanglehisfishingpoleandsortthetackleboxinthefrontyard.Beaulaybesidehimandyawned,clearlyrelaxedbythesoundofspinners,jigs,andspoonersbeingorganizedinthehardplasticcontainer.Graysonclosedthelid,and
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thelargedogsnappedtoattention,instantlyreadyforawalktothepondwithhisboy.
Poleovershoulder,tackleboxinhand,dogatside.ThankYou,God,forthis.
Ireachedforaplateanddunkeditintothewater,stillgazingthroughthewindow,pasttheyardtothewildflowersbeyond.
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Suddenly,themomentwasinterruptedbythreegorgeoushorseswhoemergedfromthewoodsandtrottedintothefrontfield.Itwasasiftheymaterializedrightbeforemyeyes,StarTrekstyle.
Onceintheclearing,theyloweredtheirheadstograze,tailsswishingandmanestossing.Youngmales,theyexemplifiedequine
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perfection:ablackhorsewithawhiteblazedownitsnose;achestnutwithwhitesocksandalong,darkmaneandtail;andapaintwithbrownandwhitemarkings.MydishscrubbingimmediatelyceasedasIleanedforwardtotakeinthestunningbeautyoftheseunexpectedanimals.
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Asachild,I’dbeensohorse-crazythatIdrovemyparentsnuts.Daily,Iscouredthelocalnewspaperinsearchoftheperfecthorsetoputinourbackyard.IwassureI’dfindonethatlookedlikeLittleJoe’sonBonanza,abeautifulpaintthatwouldbemine,allmine.Ihaditallplannedout:Wewouldspendlazyafternoonstogether—me
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braidinghistailandbrushinghimuntilhegleamed,andhimcarryingmeoverthecountrysideinfullgallop.IwouldbebeautifulandcourageousatopmysteednamedApache(Patchforshort).
Unfortunately,asapreacher’sfamily,welivedintown,andlaterwemovedtoMexicoCityasmissionaries
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—soneitherlocationwassuitableforkeepingequines.MyfantasyofhavingahorsehadfadedintoquietwistfulnessasIgrewup,butseeingtheseanimalssuddenlyappearremindedmeofmylatentdesire.Toobadallwehaveisadustydonkey.
“Cometakealookatthis!”IcalledtoTomandMeghan,flingingsudsasI
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motionedwithwethands.Theyhurriedtothewindowforapeekatourlatestfour-leggedguests.
“ThoseareRussell’shorses.”Tomidentifiedthematfirstglancewithalow,appreciativewhistle.“Aren’ttheysomething!”Hepausedforamomentinadmiration.“I’vegothisworknumber.I’llgivehimacalltolethim
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knowthey’rehere.ButfirstI’llgetthemlockedupinourpastureforsafekeeping.”
Infinitelyeasierthancatchingonesmallishdonkey,Tomhandilycoaxedthethreehorsesintofollowinghisoat-filledbucket.Pieceofcake.Meghanopenedthegateastheyarrivedandquicklyshutitbehindthemwithaclangof
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thechainonthemetalcrossbar.TomandMeghanreturnedtothehousesoTomcouldnotifytheowner.
“Russellcan’tgetherewithhistraileruntilafterwork,”Tomsaid,holdingabusinesscardwiththenumberscrawledonit.Hesethiscellphonedownand
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continued.“LookslikeFlashwillgettohavecompanyfortherestoftheafternoon.”
“Thiscouldbeinteresting!Iwonderhowhe’llfeelaboutsharinghisspacewiththeseguys,”Iresponded.Islippedintoflip-flopsandheadedtothegatetoseewhatwouldhappen.
Andwhatasighttobehold.
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Theafternoonsuncastagoldenglowoverthepastureandcreatedastorybooksceneinwhichthestallionstookcenterstage.Prancingandplaying,theyseemedtodanceeffortlesslyacrossthefield.Itwasahorseballet!
Thesunglistenedofftheirripplingmusclesastheytossedtheirheadsandgallopedthroughthetall
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grass.Theirshapelylegscarriedthemaroundandaround,whiletheirmanesandtailsflowedoutbehindtheminrawbeauty.Thestrengthandperfectionofthesecreatureswasajoytowatch.Werestedourchestsagainstthegate,elbowsoutandafootonthelowestrung,andenjoyedtheshow.
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Justthen,amovementfromthecornerofthepasturecaughtourattention.
Flash.Arrestedfromthespot
nearhisbelovedcowsbythissuddenintrusionoftheequines,heshookhislongearsasiftryingtowakehimselfup.Bendingaroundlikeacontortionisttoscratchhisrearendwithhisteeth,he
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broughtabackfootupandsetitdownwithathud.Wewatchedhimflexhislipsasthenewcompany’sarrivalbegantoregisterinhisbrain.Heblinkedhisblacklashesuntilfinallyalert,thendidadoubletake.Flashlookedatthehorses,andthenbacktothecows.
Horses,cows.Horses.Cows.
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Hmmm.Yep,horses.Definitely
horses.Andwithoutabackward
glance,heditchedthecowsforthenewcomers.
Justlikethat,thecowsweredeadtohim.Hetrottedovertomeethisnewposse.
Flash’ssparsemanebristledbackandforthashischoppygaitcarriedhimtothe
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trio.Hepulledupnexttotheshinyblackleaderandraisedhisgiantheadingreeting.Thehorseturnedhisgracefulnecktoseetheshortdonkeyarriveandgaveasnort.Ha!Asifmotioningtohisfriends,henoddedtowardtheoppositeendofthepasture,andthethreewereoffinacloudofdustandhooves—onlythistimetheywere
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followedbyFlash,wholookedhopelesslyoutgunnedandoutclassed.
Nexttothecows,Flashhadseemedlikearegalrulerofthelandscape.Hisintelligenteyesandquickwitendearedhimtothemindless,cud-chewingbovineswhokepthimcompanyeachafternoon.Butnow,withthearrivalofthethreeballerinos,
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Flashsuddenlyhadsomeshortcomings,startingwithhisstature.Suchstubbylegs!Andhishead’sproportionwasconspicuouslyoutofwhack.Myword,sohuge!Andtheears—oh,theears.
ButFlashdidnotcare.Heshiftedintohighgearandheadedafterthegroup,nowcirclingatthefarendofthepasture.Buckingandbraying
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ashewent,hejoinedupandfellintostepwiththeirshow.Theypausedathisarrival,decidingwhetherornottoletthisnewcomerenter.Please?Flashseemedtosaywithhisears,allforwardandhopeful.Someonewhinniedinreply.OneofthembrokerankandallowedFlashin.
Andinthatinstant,hewasoneofthem.
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Thehorsespranced.Flashpranced.Thehorsesreared.Flashreared.Thehorsestossedtheir
manes.Flashtossed—well,tried
totoss—hismane.Thehorsesglistened.Okay.Flashdidn’t
glisten.Infact,hemagneticallycollectedallthe
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kicked-updustintohisfuzzygraycoat.
Butnomatter.Flashwashavingthetimeofhislife.Hewheeledandturnedanddancedandcavorted.Hechasedandnuzzledandpawedandreared.Hewasridiculousinhisearnestness,buthewaspartofthehorse
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ballet—andhislittleheartbeatfasterwitheachpliéandspin.
Flashhadburstintolife,andeveryequinecellinhisbodywasablaze.Thesoulofathoroughbredinthebodyofashaggydonkey.Whatapicture;whataday.Thiswasliving,andI’dneverseenhimlooksoendearing.Thesettingsunoutlinedhisformin
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goldenfringeashispaceslowedtoagracefuladagioaroundthethreehorses.Circling,spinning,moving.Thecowslookedonindisbelief.Whathadhappenedtotheirquiet,unassumingfriend?Theyhardlyrecognizedhimwithhisnewairofconfidenceandall.
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Eveningfelllikeagossamercurtainoverthefield,andRussellarrivedwithhisdualtruckandhorsetrailertoloadupthegorgeousguestsandtakethemhome.Withaslamofthetrailerdoorandaroarofdiesel,theyweregone,andFlashstoodatthegatewithearsprickedandtrembling.Hisnostrilsflared,andhissidesheavedashe
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stifledhisbellows.Hewatchedthetrailerturnthecorneranddisappeardownthedriveway.Somethinghadhappenedtohimthatday,andevenheknewit.
Hewaschanged.Hewasbigger,stronger,
andmorepowerfulthanbefore.
Heshowedconfidence.Heheldhisheadhigher.
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Hecarriedhimselfboldly.He’dbecomefearless.Andallbecausehe’drun
withhorses.Itwasasthoughhehad
suddenlyrealizedhisowngreatness.Asifsomeonehadtoldhimthatdonkeysandhorseswerenearlyidenticalingeneticmakeup.Thattheysharedthesamechromosomes—sixty-twoof
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them,infact.Theonlydifferencebetweendonkeysandhorsesisanextrasetoftwochromosomesthathorsescarry.AnextrasetthatFlashdidn’tneedintheleast.
IthoughtaboutFlashandhisvisitorslongafterward.
Maybehe’dbeentoldallhislifethathe’dneveramounttoanythingbecausehelackedthetwounitsthat
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wouldmakehimgreat.Maybehespentallhistimethinkingabouthowhismanedidn’tblowinthewindandhowhisgaitwasbumpyandhowsillyhe’dlookifhetriedrunning.Maybehe’dalwayscomparedhimselfwithhorsesandcomeupshorteverytime.Maybenobodyevertoldhimthathehas97percentofthesamechromosomesas
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thosehorses...orthatthehorsesneededtwolesstobejustlikehim.
Maybenobodyevertoldhimthathehasallthechromosomesheneedstobeaperfectdonkey.
Iwonderedif,untilnow,Flashhadbeenfocusedonthetwohelacked,ratherthanonthesixty-twohehad.I
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wonderedifhe’dtoldhimself,asIhad:IfonlyI’dfinishedmycollegedegree.
Iwonderedifhe’dsaid:I’mnottalentedenoughtorunwiththebigboys.Myearsaretoobig,myheadtooheavy,mylegstooshort,mybraytooloud.
Iwasn’tbornintomoney.Orlooks.Orspecialintelligence.
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I’mnotgraceful.Ican’tprance.Idon’tglisten.
Idon’thavebusinesstraining.I’mtooold.IdriveanancientFordExplorer.Inevertookartlessons.
LookingathislackhadkeptFlashwiththecows—thoselackluster,mediocrecharacterswhosatandwishedforbettergrassandmoregumption.
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OnceagainIfoundmyselfmirroredinthiswinsomedonkeyofmine.Butthistime,Isawwhatachangeofperspectivecoulddo.PerhapsIneededtostartfocusingonmysixty-two,ratherthanthetwo.Aw,Flash.You’reagenius.
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Ofcourse,it’sonethingtothinksomethingandquiteanotherthingtoactuallydoit.TheprojectwithBridgettewasofficiallyunderway,anditimmediatelytestedmyfledglingsenseofempowerment.
“Bethereat1:00,”Bridgettetoldmeaswewrappedupanotherphonecallabouttheinteriordesign
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ofthespace.“We’llbeintheconferenceroom,andI’vegivenyouthirtyminutesontheagendatomakeapresentationtotheboardandthecontractors.”
Ohdear.ThatwouldhavebeenagoodmomenttotellBridgettethatIhaveadebilitatingfearofspeakinginconferenceroomstoboardsandcontractors.Also
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togroupsoftwoormore.It’sthisthingwheremythroatclosesupandmymouthgetsalldryandmyvisiongoesblurry,justbeforeIblackout.IbrieflyimaginedwhatitwouldbeliketohitmyheadonthetableasIwasgoingdownandthenbelaidupinahospitalwithaskullinjuryforseveralweeksandonlybeabletoeatJell-Oforevery
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meal.ThesilverlininginthatwholescenariowasthatIwouldn’thavetomakemypresentation,andalsoImightpossiblylosefivepoundsandnothavetowearfauxSPANXtoweddings.
IwishedI’dsaidallthat,rightthenandthere.ButBridgettewassopersuasiveandcharmingthatforamomentIfeltallconfident,
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andIletmyselfgetsweptupinherenergy.Idanced,justalittlebit,anditfeltgood.ButmaybeIshouldcallherbackandtellherI’dmadeahugemistakeandwouldnotbeabletomakeittothemeetingonaccountofmyillness,orperhapsabrokenleg.Icouldprobablyarrangeanaccident,oratleastmakeafakecast.
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I’mgoodatcrafts.Anythingtogetoutofthiswholeloomingeffeffenycatastrophe.
No.Ihadtogothroughwiththis.AnditwasthenthatIdecided,shakily,torunwithhorses.Enoughwiththecows.Iwantedtotryglisteningforonce.
Butitwouldtakesomework.
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Ifoundadraftingtableonacurbsidefortwenty-fivedollars,andTomclearedaspotforitintheloftthatoverlooksthebackroom.Wemovedanoldcomputer,broughtinsomelamps,andputachairinplace.IboughtaportablefilingboxandstartedmakinggooduseofInternetsearches,startingwith“FF&E”:Furniture,
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Fixtures,andEquipment.Aha!Sothat’swhatit
means!I’minchargeofprocuringfurniture,fixtures,andequipment!Ispentaninordinateamountoftimesearching“HowtoGiveaWinningPresentation”and“FearofPublicSpeaking.”Imadeatriptothedepartmentstoreforsomeappropriatebusinessattire(30percent
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off)andpickedupabriefcaseatthethriftshop.IaskedforPhotoshophelpfromourkids.Ibecamefamiliarwitharchitecturaldrawings.Hairhighlightswouldhavetowait—rats!
ButIwasready.AndIgotdowntobusiness.TomandIbothduginandcameupwithideasthatstretchedus,madeuscreatenewkinds
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ofart,andcausedustoseejusthowmuchwecoulddooncewestoppedfocusingonwhywecouldn’tdoit.
Andeventhoughyoucouldsaywe’dalreadytakenourshareofchancesalongtheway(i.e.,ditchingregularjobsforadreamyartisticone),we’dalsoletourselvesgetcomfortableinthetypesofprojectswewentfor.The
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kindsofclientswethoughtweweregoodenoughfor.Thejobsthatdidn’trequiremakingpresentationsandproposalsondesignboardsinconferenceroomstoimportantpeople.We’dgottenpassiveinourapproachandforgottenthepowerofputtingourselvesoutthereonabiggerstage.Weplayedsmall.Safe.
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We’dcountedthetwochromosomeswelackedasmoreimportantthanthesixty-twowehad,andithadkeptusinaplaceofmediocrity.
Flashhadusbeatbyamile.
Yousee,whensomeoneopensagateandgivesyouashotatrunningwithhorses,thechoiceisyours.Youcan
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staywhereyou’reat—comfortable,unchallenged,andwishingyourlifeaway—oryoucanstepforwardanddecidethatthisisyourmoment.Youcandanceonyourstubbylittlelegsandcollecteveryoneelse’sdustandmaybelookfoolishdoingit.Butyou’redoingit!That’sthepoint.Youfindyourthoroughbredheartinthere
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somewhere,andyoutakethechance.Youchooseit.Andyourunwithit.
“As[aman]thinksinhisheart,soishe,”saysProverbs23:7(NKJV).Iwonderhowmanylimitsyou’veputonyourselfbysimplythinkingincorrectly.Byfocusingonpastfailures,allthegiftsandtalentsyouthinkyoudon’thave,andtheabilitiesyou
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believeeveryoneelsehas,youkeepyourselfinapositionofnotbeingreadywhenopportunitycomesknocking.Youchoosecowsoverhorsesbecausecowsaresafeandacceptingandthinkyou’rereallyawesome.It’ssosweet.Buttheykeepyoubythefence,watchinglifefromthesidelines.Chewingcud,offeringopinions,andgiving
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commentaryontheoneswhoareouttheregettingsomethingdone.
Youdon’teverdoanythingthatmakesyourheartraceoryourpalmsgetsweaty,orthatinvolvestheriskofhittingyourheadonthewaydown.Youstaybusyandworkhardandneverhavetoconsiderthatyou’relivinginfearofbeingyourbestself.
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Runningwithhorses,ontheotherhand,meansthatyouhavetofaceyourfears.Thefearoflookingfoolish,thefearoffailingbig,thefearofspeakinginpublic,oflearningnewsoftware,ofgoingbeyondyourcomfortzoneintotheunknown.Maybeeventhefearofyourownsuccess.Itmeansthatyoucountyoursixty-twoas
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enoughforthetaskandthensetyourheartonexcellence—beingthebestyoucanbe.
Runningwithhorsesisrisky.AndIadmiredFlashforhispluckydecisiontouphisgame.Itinspiredmetoriskblackingoutduringmypresentationandtochoosewide-leggedtrouserssonoonewouldseemykneesknock.Yes,myvisionwasa
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littleblurry,andmymouthwentdry,butsomehowIsurvivedmythirtyminutesinthatconferenceroom.Ididn’trememberanythingaboutitafterward,andthat’sbesidethepoint.Imayhaveevendrooledalittlebit.Ican’tthinkaboutthat.
Here’swhatmatters.Icametoseehowonesinglefear,thefearofpublic
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speaking,keptmefrommovingforwardinmyprofessionalandpersonallife.Howmanywayscanapersonavoidleadingagroupdiscussionorteachingaclassormakingapresentation?I’dcomeupwithahundreddifferentonesthroughoutmylifeinordertogivemyfear,onesetoftwochromosomes,abiggerplacethanthesixty-
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two.Anditkeptmefromdoingmybestwork,becausenooneevergetsaskedtopresentmediocreideas.
Idecidedtochangeallofthat.Iwouldnolongerletfearbethereasontosaynotosomething.Iffearwastheonlythingthatstoodbetweenmeandanewopportunity,thentheanswerwouldhavetobeyes.(Jumpingoutof
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airplanesnotwithstanding.)AndIwoulduseexcellenceasmyweaponofchoicetodefeatthefearthatwantedtoparalyzeme.Ratherthanfocusingonthefearitself,I’dfocusondoing—andbeing—excellentinmyapproach.I’dmakethemostofmysixty-twoandrunwiththosehorses.Whateverhappenednext,well,I’ddealwithit.
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Excellence—goingtheextramile,learningallyoucan,doingthingsbetterthanyouthoughtyoucould—bringsconfidencethattrumpsfear.Itopensupdoorsandcreatesopportunitiesthatmediocrityandfearnevercan.Anditworksoneverylevel—notjustinbusiness.
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Whatwouldhappenifwestoppedfearinghavingadysfunctionalfamilyandsimplyfocusedonhavinganexcellentfamilylife?Ifwestoppedwishingwe’dhaddecentrolemodelsandjustbecameonesourselves?
Imagineifwequitworryingaboutlosingweightandfocusedinsteadonbeinginexcellenthealth.We’d
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choosefoodsandmakelifestylechoicesthatwouldenergizeussowecouldrockourworlds.
Whatif,ratherthanbemoaningalackofdeepfriendshipsinourlives,weworkedatbeingexcellentfriendstoothers?
Ratherthanlettingourselvesbeconvincedthatwearen’tsmartenoughfor
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thatjobpromotionorthatdegree,whatifwefocusedongainingtheskillsandknowledgetomakeithappen?
Insteadofsittingatthebackoftheroomwherewecan’tbenoticed,whatifwefoundseatsatthefrontandraisedourhandstoaskquestions?
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Orratherthanwishingwewerebornwithartisticgenes,whatifwepickedupapaintbrushorcameraandfoundthatcreativeskillscanbelearned?Maybewe’llneverbePicassosorAnselAdamses,butitdoesn’tmatter.Wecanachievefarmorebydoingthanbysimplywatching.
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Doingmakesyoutryharder,reachfurther,andachievemorethanyouthoughtyoucould.Actionpropelsyoutowardexcellenceandmakestheimpossible—possible.
Yes,whenyourunwithhorses,youruntheriskofstumblingandlookingfoolish....Butoh,whatawaytogo.Thereisgreatness
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insideofyou,lookingforachancetoburstintolifeandkickupsomedust.Youwillbestretchedandchallengedandpushedbecausethebarhasbeenraised.You’llhavetoreachdeeptofindwhat’sinsideyou.
Butyouareuptoit.Rememberyoursixty-two.
Thesixty-twothatmakeyoutheperfectdonkey.
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JustlikeFlash.Justlikeme.
Runwithhorses.Thepursuitofexcellenceconquersfear.
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Flash’ssociallifewaslookingup.Notlongafterhismomentousdancewiththeeleganthorses,somenewpeoplemovedintotheranchbehindus.AportionoftheirsprawlinglandabuttedthenorthendofFlash’spastureononeside,whilethecows’fenceborderedthesouthend.Thisarrangementgavethe
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ever-curiousFlashaperfectvantagepointtoseewhatwasgoingonaroundhim.
Oneday,wenoticedsomehorsesgrazinginthenorthpasture.Flashnowhadhispickofwhomhe’dliketospendhislazyafternoonswith—thehorsesorthecows.Iwasn’tsurprisedathis
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decision;Flash’snewfoundconfidencemadehimallysquarelywiththehorses.
“ThiswillhavetosatisfyFlash’ssocialneedsfornow,”Tomsaidashewatchedthemtouchnosesoverthefence.“I’malittlerelieved,actually.Allthebenefitsofhavingmoreanimalswithouttheworkandexpense.”
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Flashwashappyascouldbewiththisnewarrangement.Heliftedhispliableupperliptoshowhisteeth,rockinghisheadfromsidetosideingreeting.Diditbotherhimthathehadaleafbetweenhisfrontteeth?Nope.Notintheleast.Hejustsmiledaway,fullyconfidentoftheeffectofhisdonkeycharmonthe
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maresnextdoor,whoseemedamusedbutthoroughlyunimpressed.
“Honey,letmehelpyoufinishloadingthetruck,”Ioffered,grabbingaplasticbinfilledwithpaintsandbrushes.TomwasdepartingforaworkmarathontocompletetheinstallationoftheartforBridgette’scorporateproject.Itlookedlikeitwasgoingto
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takeanall-nightertomeetthedeadline.BridgetteandStevehadchampionedourskillsandconvincedtheprojectmanagersthatwecouldnotonlycreateandinstallcustomartworkbutalsodesignsignageandwayfindingforthespacesaswell.
Aswehadsuspected,thejobwasindeedbeyondourpreviousexperience,andit
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requiredsomeon-the-jobtrainingtopullitoff.Butthescopeoftheprojectmadeusfindsometalentwedidn’tknowwe’dhad.Weleanedonourdaughterandnewson-in-lawtogiveusthosecrashcoursesinPhotoshopandlearnedgraphicdesignaswewentalong.Themediumwasnew,buttheprinciplesandtheskillswe’dhonedover
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yearsofcreatingmuralartwerethesame.Therewasanexcitementtothework—asink-or-swimfeelingthatcarriedusthroughtheweeksofdesignandinstallation.Wewere,indeed,runningwithhorses.
Thatnight,wehaddecidedtodivideandconquertheworkload,soIstayedatourhomeofficeandpoured
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myselfanextracupofcoffeetoworkonsomelast-minutedrawingsthatwereneeded.By1:00a.m.,Iwasblearybutdeterminedtofinish.
Then,withoutwarning,thebrightredandbluelightsofasquadcarpiercedthedarknessoutsidethewindow.MyheartstoppedforasecondasIassessedthesituation.Nocarseverdrive
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upourremotedrivewaylateatnight,letaloneapolicevehicle!Thiscouldnotbegood.Ipeeredthroughtheglassastwosheriff’sdeputieshoistedthemselvesoutofthefrontseatandcameupthewalk.
“Howdy,ma’am,”oneofthemensaidasIopenedthedooracrack.InmymindIcouldseetheheadline
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—“WomanSlainbyPhonySheriffsOvernight”—followedbyastorywithasternwarningtowomentonotopentheirdoorsforjustanyonewhoflashesabadge.
Asifoncue,theofficersflashedtheirbadges,andIfeltcertaintheywereprobablymurderers—butIwentaheadandopenedthedoorwidertogetitoverwith.
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ThetwomenwereexactlywhatyoumightpictureTexascountysheriff’sdeputieslookinglike:imposingandserious,withcrewcuts,andwithbuildsthathintedatbothweightliftinganddoughnuts.Theirstarcheduniformswerepulledtautacrosstheirchests,andsuddenlyIfeltmorethreatenedbyanimpendingbuttonpop-offthantheColt
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.45sintheirholsters.Plus,theircarlookedsomewhatlegitwiththelightsandall.
“Sorrytobotheryou,ma’am,”theleaddeputysaid.“I’llcutrighttothechase.”Hepausedforamoment.“Uh,youownadonkey?”
Sir,you’repullingupatthishour,withlightsflashing,toaskmeifIownadonkey?
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Justthen,apickuptruckroaredupthedrivewayandcametoastopbehindthesquadcar.Twovehiclesinonenight?Thiswassomekindofrecord.Thetruckdoorburstopen,andoutstumbledaman,awaftofbeerandstalecigarshangingonhim.
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“Yes,yes,Ido,”Ireplied,narrowingmyeyesandthinkingwhatagoodsetupthiswas.Thefakeofficersdisarmmewiththeirbadgeswhilethebosspullsuptofinishthejob.Iwasagoner,forsure.IfonlyI’dhadtimetoleaveanoteforthekids.
“Well,thisgentlemanhere,”saidthedeputy,motioningoverhisshoulder,
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“saysyougotaproblemonyourhands.”
Ilookedquestioninglyovertothenewguy,whosteppedforward,apparentlytotellmeallaboutit.ItwasthenthatIwonderedaboutajusticesysteminwhichsomekindof“donkeyproblem”isdeemedgreaterthanthefactthatthismanmayhavedrivenundertheinfluencetoinform
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meinperson.Whatkindofsocietyisthis,anyway?Andwhyaren’ttheofficersarrestingthisman?
“Yoredonkey...,”heslurred,pointinghisfingerinmyface.“Yoredonkeygotupintomycorralandgotatmymare.I’dbeenkeepin’herawayfrommystallions,andthenyoresorrylittledonkeybrokeinandgotto
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her.”Heswayedtowardmeandcontinued.“Yeah,hegottoher,allright.BythetimeIfigureditoutandfound’em,theywaslayin’down,smokin’acigarette.Thedeedhadbeendone.”
Iblinkedathiminhorrorashecappedoffhisstory.“Lady,yoregonnahaveababymuleonyorehands,’causethat’swhatyouget
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whenyoucrossadonkeywithahorse.Ababymule!”Hekickedatsomegravelindisgustandlethiswordshangintheair.
TherewasanawkwardpauseasIstruggledforanappropriateresponse.SomethingaboutFlashbeingan“immature”maleandincapableofprocreation.Somethingabouthowhewas
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tooyoungforthiskindofmonkeybusiness.Wait.Hadmaturityhappenedwhilewe’dbeenuptoournecksinournewproject,notpayingattentiontothepassageoftimeandadolescence?Uh-oh.
Thedeputyclearedhisthroatandasked,“Yougonnagogethimtonightthen?”
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Iturnedtohimandsaid,“Tonight?Ican’tdraghimhomeinthemiddleofthenight!Can’tthiswaituntilmorning?The‘deed’hasbeendone,sowhat’sthehurry?”Also,Iwasinmyslippers.
Thedeputylookedattheman.Thehorseownershrugged,thefightsuddenlygoneoutofhim.Hegotback
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inhistruck,slumpedbehindthesteeringwheel,andsaidoutthedoor,“Justgethimtomorrow;it’salreadytoolate.”
Morningdawned,andTomfellintobed,exhaustedfromtheall-nightartinstallation.Idecidedrightthentodeal
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withthedonkeysituationonmyown,soIkeptquietaboutFlash’sescapade,tuckedTomin,andtiptoedout.Iwouldneedtools,soIheadedforthelocalfeedstore.
“Givemethelargesthalteryou’vegot,”Isaidtotheladyattheregister.Islappedmyhanddownonthe
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counterandlookedaroundthejointlikeIknewwhatIwasdoing.
“Sure.Whatchagot,aheftyBelgian?”sheasked,snappinghergumandindicatinghisheightwithherhandoverherhead.
Isighed.“No.No,justasmallishdonkey...withagigantichead.”Iheldmyhandchest-high.“I’vegotto
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gethimhomefrommyneighbor’shouse,soI’llneedsomeoatsandaleadropeaswell.”
Justthen,mycellphonerang.ItwasmyfriendPriscilla.SheandIhadmetafewyearsearlierwhenshe’dfoundmybusinesscardandhiredmetopaintherbaby’snursery.Wehititoffimmediatelyandspentso
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muchtimetalkingwitheachotherthattheone-weekjobtookaboutthreeweekstocomplete.Ourdifferencesinage,vocation,ethnicity,andlifeseasondidn’tmatteronebitaswesatonthatnurseryroomflooranddreamedupabeautifulspaceforthenewbaby.
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Later,eventhoughIhadretreatedintomyworkandfamilyresponsibilities,shekeptafterme.Gradually,throughherdeterminedefforttobreakthroughmywallofbusyness,webecamerealfriends,andovertimeIhadcometocountherasfamily.Shenowhadtwobabiesintow,andIhopedtoconvinceherthatsheandherhusband
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neededtomovetothecountrytoraisetheirfamily.Ithoughtahouseonourquietroadwouldbeaperfectplaceforthem.
“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasked.Istartedtogiveherthelowdown,butbeforeIcouldfinish,shesaid,“I’monmyway,”andhungup.Priscillawasalwaysupforanadventure,andwhatbetter
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waytoinitiateherintocountrylifethantochasedownaloosefarmanimal?
TheAugustairwasstiflingbythetimewedonnedtennisshoesandgotourselvesorganized.Itwasgoingtobeahotone.Accompaniedbythedeafeningsoundofcicadasoverhead,PriscillaandImadeourwaytothepasture’s
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backgate,whichhadbeenrippedfromitshingesbymypreciouslittledonkey.Mercy!
Wewalkedfarthertofindabrokenfencepost,wiresdangling.Alittlefarther,andanotherbrokenfence.Dearme.IdreadedtoseewhatkindofstateFlashwouldbeinafterallthis.Wefinallyfoundhimholedupinthecorralnexttohisladylove,
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beatupfromhisnightofchargingthroughbarbedwirefencesandfoistinghisaffectionuponher.
Justonelookathimtoldmehewasnotgoingtocomeeasily.Hehadthesamehardeneddonkeystareasthefirstnightwe’dfoundhim—“Makeme,”itsimplysaid.
Sowehalteredhimupandstartedcoaxing.
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Flashwouldhavenoneofit.Andwhocouldblamehim?Theleggymarehe’dfallenforwasadorable.Chocolatebrownincolorwithablackmaneandtail,shewasanexoticvixen,andhewasalovesickdonkey-boy.Hewashopelessly,madly,genuinelyinlovewithher.She,ontheotherhand,wasnotsomuchinlovewith
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himbutclearlyinlovewithbeingadored.Withherheadtossingandhoovesprancing,sheacceptedthislopsidedrelationshipwithherbodylanguage.ThatwasallFlashneededtosee;hewasfullycommittedtomakingthetenuousbondwork.Now,withheadlowandblubbering
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lipspulledback,hesullenlybrayedhisoppositiontoourmissiontomovehim.
Flashrefusedtoleavehisgirlfriend,whomwenowcalled“Maria,”afterthefemaleleadinWestSideStory.Attheprospectofbeingforcedapart,shedecidedshe’dmakeitworkaswell.Mariawhinniedathimandpacedbackandforth
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inhercorralasweinchedhimawayfromher.Hoursofpushing,pulling,cajoling,entreating,andofferingtreatsyieldedonlylimitedprogress.Wewerestillontheneighbor’sproperty,justhalfwaytothebackgate,andstandingatanimpasseintheblisteringsun.
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“We’vetriedeverything,”Priscillasaid,wipingtheperspirationfromherforehead.“Theonlythingwehaven’ttriedisdroppingtheropetoseeifhe’llcomeonhisown.”Sheremindedmethat,undernormalcircumstances,Flashfollowsusaroundlikeapuppydog.Hecan’tstandtobeleftbehind.
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“True,”Isaid,unconvincedbutwillingtotryanythingatthispoint.“Wemightaswellgiveitago.Whatdowehavetolose?”
Sowedroppedtheropeandturnedtoheadbacktoourplace.Wetookteenylittlepretendsteps,glancingoverourshoulderstoseewhatFlashwoulddo.
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“Andwe’rewalkingaway.We’rewalking,andwe’releaving...”Inarratedourmovementsforgoodmeasure,justincaseFlashdidn’tnoticethatwewereleavinghim.
“Andwe’rewalking...”Toouramazement,he
thoughtaboutitforonlyamoment,thenpickeduphis
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smallhoovesandfollowed.Onhisown.Nocarrot,nostick.Justfollowed.
Iguessaslongashethoughtitwashisownidea,hewaswillingtocooperate.
Flashsteppednonchalantlybehindustheremainingdistance,asifwewereoutonaSundaystroll.Perhapsheknewitwassimplytimetogohome.Or
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perhapshewasplottinghisreturn.Whateverthecase,wehurriedlyjury-riggedthegateinplacebehindus,andPriscillastoppedtoadmirethestrengthanddeterminationithadtakentobreakitdowninthefirstplace.“Wow,thatguysurefoundhispassion.Heknewwhathewantedanddidn’tletanythingstandinhisway,”
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shecommented.“I’dneverhavebelieveditifIhadn’tseenitwithmyowneyes.”
Likeheknewweweretalkingabouthim,Flashseemedtoshrughisnarrowdonkeyshoulderswithmodestyandloweredhisheadintothegrasstomunchaway,hisforayintoromanceoverwithfornow.Beautrottedouttoofferhisopinion
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aboutFlash’sescapade,barkinghismoralindignationfrombehindourlegs,butFlashsimplyignoredthecriticism.
PriscillaandImadeourwaybacktothehouseforsomesweetteaandair-conditioning,relievedtohaveFlashbackinthefoldwherehebelonged.Ipulledtwoglassesfromthecupboard,
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thenfoundapenandhastilyscrawled“findyourpassion”onanoldenvelopethatwassittingonthecounter.IthoughtImightliketomuseaboutitlater,butofcourseIpromptlyforgotaboutit.Forquiteawhile.
Butthefunnythingaboutwritingsomethingdown,evenifyouforgetthatyoueverwroteit,isthatthe
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messagestayswithyoulongafterward.Theenvelopeeventuallywentthewayofgatheredtrash,yetthementalnoteattachedtoitfollowedmearoundandturnedupinoddmoments.Middleofthenight.Halfwaythroughashower.Drivingtothehomeimprovementstore.
“Findyourpassion.”
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Flashhadcertainlyfoundhispassion.Therewasasheriff’sreport(andabrokengate)toproveit.I’dpicturedhismidnightrendezvouswiththeprettylittlemareasahumorousanecdotetotellataparty,anicebreakerofastorythatwassuretogetalaugh.Flashwasexceedingourexpectationsasaconversationpiece,andIfelt
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reallyproudofhimforthat,evenifthecircumstanceswereabitsketchy.
Butthatnotestuckwithme.
DidIhaveapassionbigenoughtopursuewiththesamedoggeddeterminationFlashhad?Itwaskindofadauntingthought,especiallywhensomuchofmylifeseemedmuddledandunclear.
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AsIcouldseeit,Ihadseveralpassions,allcompetingformyattentionandnotnecessarilyworkingtogetherinonebeautiful,synergisticpurposeasIimaginedtheyshould.
Perhapsmakingalistwouldhelp.Ibroughtoutmynotebook,turnedtoafreshpage,andpaused.Finally,Iwrote,
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MyPassions—RachelRidge
(Alwayswriteyournameatthetop.)
1.Faith—mycorebeliefs
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IputthisonefirstbecauseIfiguredthat’swhatgoodChristiansaresupposedtodo.IrememberedsittinginSundayschoolandseeingcirclesdrawnonanoverheadprojectorimage,withthecentercirclebeingJesusChrist,andthelargercirclesarounditrepresentingotherpartsofyourlife,almostlikeripples.Totallymadesense.
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Yes,thisshouldbethefirstthingIlist,eventhoughIsortofthinkitoughttogowithoutsaying.Butitwouldfeelfunnytoleaveitoff.Orwouldit?
IimaginedthosecirclesagainandwonderedwhatwouldhappenifItookfaithoutofthecenter.WhatwouldIputinitsplace?Suddenly,seeinglifewithoutamoral
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compassandanabidingrelationshipwithGodatitscorelookedlikeahopelessabyss.IfIthoughtlifewasmuddledandconfusedbefore,nowitwouldbecompletelyimpossible.
Truthfully,asoflateitfeltmorelikeavaluethanapassion,butwhenpushcametoshove,ifthedefinitionforpassionwassomethinglike
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“strongenergyoremotionthatcompelsyou,”thenfaithwouldqualify.Iwasstillabitunclearabouthowitshouldactuallylook(i.e.,ifIweretrulypassionate,shouldn’tIbeinfull-timeservice?).ButIkeptitatthetopandmovedontonumbertwo.Maybethislittleexercisewouldleadmetotheanswer.
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2.Myfamily
Thisonewaseasy.Ifoundthispassionthedaywebroughtourfirstbabyhomefromthehospitalandbecameafamilyunit.IlayonthebednexttothemostperfectpinkbundleI’deverseen,andIknewinstantlythateverythingwasdifferent.AsI
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smoothedthetinyrufflesonthedressherdaddyhadboughther,IvowedtobethebestmotherIcouldpossiblybe.Iwouldloveandcherishher,leadandprotecther—andthebabiesthatwouldcomeafterher—nomatterwhat.
Passionburstintoflameandcoloredeverylifedecisionafterward:wherewe
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wouldlive,whatwewoulddo,whatkindsoffoodwe’deat,howwe’dspendourtimeandmoney.Parentingwasn’tahobbyorpassingfancy.Ittookcenterstageasapassionworthpursuing,eventhroughthesetbacks(likeforgettingtopickupakidfromschoolonhisfirstdayofsixthgrade,losingpatiencewithwhining
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toddlersandteenagers,andwantingtorunoutthedoorattimes).
Deepinmyheart,Iwantedtomakeourhomeanunforgettableplace.Aplacethatwouldgroundourkidsforlife,makethemfeelloved,andgivethemasenseofbelonging.Iwantedourhomeandfamily,howeverimperfect,tobeasanctuary.
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3.Creating—makingartandstuff
(Idecoratedthispointwithdoodlesforemphasis,andalsobecauseIdoodlewhenIthinkhard.)
AndhereiswhereFlash’spursuitofhispassionreallyspoketome.Itwasonthelevelofthatoutsidecircle
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usedintheoverheadprojectorimage,thatpartofmethatlookedbeyondthe“donedeals”offaithandfamilyandwonderedaboutthingslikeinterestsandpurposeand,Idon’tknow,experiencingjoy.Ithoughtbacktoseventhgrade,whenmyjourneytodiscoveringa
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passionforcreatingartdiedasuddendeathbeforeitevenhadachancetolive.
Itwasmyfirstdayofartclass—theelectiveI’dbeenwaitingforeversinceseeingthethrownpotteryjugs,papier-mâchéfigures,andcharcoalstilllifesondisplay
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inthehallwaysofmyjuniorhigh.“MakeArt,”saidthesignabovethem,andIknewinmyheartthatIwasborntodojustthat.I’dalwayslovedcolorsandnatureandcrayonsandglue.TothinkIwouldfinallygettotakearealartclass!Ihadalreadypicturedablueribbonhangingfromone
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ofmypaintingsinthehallwayandawrite-upintheschoolnewspaper.
Weperchedonstools,oureaselsarrangedinasquarefacingatableinthecenteroftheroom.Alargeclayvasewasplacedonthetable.Wewereinstructedtopickupourpencilsanddrawthe
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containerwithoutlookingatthepapersecuredtooureasels.
“Thisiscalledblindcontourdrawing,”saidMr.Hastings,theartteacher.“Itisessentialtoeverythingelsewewilllearninthisclass.Begin.”Heabruptlysatdownathisdesk,openedabook,andleftustoourwork.
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Alltheotherkidsbroughttheirpencilsupandbegantodraw,steadfastlystaringatthevasewithoutglancingattheirpapers.Iheardthesoundofcharcoalpointsonmanila,stoollegssqueakingonindustrialtilefloors,thetickingofthelargeclockabovethedoor.AndIfroze.Thevaseswambeforeme.Myheartbegantopound,and
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Ifeltmyskinstarttoflush.MyhandshookasIlookedatthelipofthevaseandtriedtomakemyhandfollowitssimpleshape.
ButIcouldn’thelpit:Ipeekedatthepaperbeneathmypencilandwasappalledatthemisshapenformburgeoningthere.Ierasedandstartedover,butthehorrificmesswasstillvisible,
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nowhalf-smearedandhalf-erased.Walkingtothesupplyareafornewpaper,Inoticedtheincrediblesuccessmyclassmateswereenjoyingintheirveryfirstattempts.
Twicemoretothesupplycabinetforfreshpaper.Stillamess.Astheothersbegantofinishtheirmasterpiecesonebyone,theclassroomchattergotlouderandmore
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distractinguntilIsimplygaveuptryingtoconcentrateandpretendedtojoininthebanter.
Thebellrang,andtheroomemptied.IgatheredmybooksandstoodnexttoMr.Hastings’desk.PerhapsifIcouldgetalittlehelp,oratleastaquickpointer,I’dbeabletofigureitout.Ilookedatthecollagesdisplayedjust
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overhisshoulderandcouldn’twaittomoveontothose!Thewaythecolorsandshapesmeldedtogethertocreatespectacularscenesmademepracticallygiddywithexcitement.Butfirst,Ineededassistance.
“Younglady,”Mr.Hastingssaidashescowledatmeoverhisglassesinresponsetomyrequest,“if
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youcan’tdothisfirstsimplelesson,thenIsuggestyoudroptheclass.Youhavenobusinessbeinghere.”
Ifeltmyheartdropintomyshoes.Embarrassed,ashamed.Mortifiedbyhisindifferentjudgment.“But,I...”Istammered,buthewasalreadybacktoreading,theconversationfinished.Icouldfeelmyeyesfillupandthe
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roomtilt.Withonelast,longingglanceatthecollages,Iclosedthedoor—notjustontheclass,butonanythingcreative.Anythingartsy.Certainlyanythinginvolvingpencilandpaper.Hewasright:Ihadnobusinessbeingthere.IwasafailurebeforeIhadevenstarted.Iwascrushed.
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Thevividdetailsofthatmoment,downtothesmellsofoilpaints,turpentine,andpotteryslurry,becamefixedinmymemory.Ilearnedtoavoidcreativeprojectsofanykind—andIwatchedfromthesidelinesasclassmatesmadescenicsetsforplays,historydioramas,andcoolcollages.Iwouldinsteadfocusmyattentiononhomeec,which
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itturnedoutIwasalsoterribleat.ButitwastheelectiveItookinplaceofart—sopractical,sosensible—andIwouldnotpickupapaintbrushuntilIwaswellintomythirties.
HowIwishnowthatMr.Hastingshadtakenjustthreeminutesofhistimetoencouragemetostickwithit.Totellmethatthewhole
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pointoftheexercisewasnotperfection,butpractice.Togentlysay,“Iseeyouhaveahungerformakingthings.Letmeshowyouwhatyoucando.”
Ittookmemorethantwodecadestorediscovermychildhoodpassionandreachaconclusionthathecouldhaveeasilypointedoutinthosemomentsafterclass.“Make
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Art”meanssomuchmorethanblindcontourdrawing.Itmeans“CreateSomethingBeautiful.”Therearehundredsofformsofart—mostofwhichdon’trequirepencilandpaper—andunlimitedwaystocreatemeaningful,beautifulthingsthatpeoplewillappreciateandtreasure.ButIdidn’t
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knowthat,couldn’tknowthat,becausethedoorwasclosedtomethatday.
Ilostsomethingimportantinonesinglemoment.Abudding,vibrantlightwassnuffedout.Andittookthreekids,anoverworkedhusband,andadesperatedesiretofindsomethingIcouldenjoyformetofinditagain.Isignedupforatolepaintingclassin
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alocalcraftstore,simplyasawaytogetoutofthehouseforacoupleofhoursaweek.Butwithonedipofthebrushintopaint,somethinginmysoulsparkedbacktolife.
AndsoIhadfoundathirdpassion:“CreatingSomethingBeautiful.”OrasIlikedtocallit,“MakingArtandStuff.”Itwaslikecominghome.Ididn’tplanontrying
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tomakeacareeroutofit.IjustneededtoholdthingsinmyhandsthatIhadmade.ThatIhaddecorated.ThatIhadmadebeautiful.
Anditwaswondrous.
Whew.Itookabreakfromallthatthinkingandwenttothebarn.Flashstoodunderthe
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shadeoftheslopingrooflikeadonkeystatue.Perfectlystill,exceptfortheoccasionalswishofthatwispytail.Hiseyeswerehalf-closedandhisearsdroopeddownward,indicatingthatitwasnaptime,nodoubthisthirdoftheday.
Withaclickofmytongue,hisheadcameupandhisnostrilsbegantowork.
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Earsturnedforward.Henickeredsoftly.Flashwaitedformyapproach,thenslowlyrubbedhisheadonmeasIreachedaroundtoscratchthewarmpatchunderneathhismane.Thescabsfromthebarbedwirewerestillvisible,remindersofhisdedicatedquestthroughfencesforhis
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mare.Icouldseewhyshe’dcomearoundandfallenforhim!
Passionislikeamagneticforcethatdrawsothersin.Itsenergynotonlycompelsyoutoactbutalsoelicitsaresponsefromeverythingaroundyou.IpulledafewburrsfromFlash’smaneandlookedintohisbrowneyes,stillsleepyfromhis
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interruptednap.Hedidn’texactlylooklikeamagneticforceatthemoment,butitwaslikeheknew.Hisdeterminationspokevolumes,anditmademestarttofiltermyscatteredthoughtsintosomethingconcrete.Somethingthatmadesenseandfeltright.
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Therewasonelastthingtoaddtomylist,butIdidn’tknowquitehowtowordit:
4.Helpingothersfindandcreatesanctuary
Istartedtorealizethatmystruggletofindpeaceandbeautyinthemiddleofallmybusynesswasn’tuniqueto
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me.OtherscravedthesamethingsIdid.ItseemedlikeeachprojectTomandIworkedonhadanunderlyingtheme—tocreateasenseofsanctuaryforourclientsthroughartanddesign.Buttherewasmoretoitthanthat.SometimeswecouldseethatartanddesignwerecosmeticBand-Aidsfordeeperproblems:dysfunctional
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familystructures,unbalancedvaluesystems,toomanyactivities,maxed-outfinances.
Youseeawholelotwhenyou’reindozensanddozensofhomesforextendedperiodsoftime,andsomeofitisheartbreaking.Youseethataprettymuralcan’tfixabrokenmarriage,orpreventachingloneliness,orhelp
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someonesleepbetteratnight.AndIwonderedif,inaroundaboutway,Godhadputapassionforbeautyinmyheartforagreaterpurpose.Morethanjustpayingthebills.Morethanjustacreativeoutlet.Morethanjustmakingprettythings.
Butforsomethingeternal.
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EricLiddell,theOlympianwhoinspiredthemovieChariotsofFire,saysinthefilm,“Godmademefast.AndwhenIrun,IfeelHispleasure.”IoftenfeltasenseofGod’spleasurewhenIpainted,orwhenIbegantowritemythoughtsdownonpaperandsawbeautyunfoldinmywords.Therewasamantleofpeaceand
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satisfactionthatwarmedmedowntomytoesandcausedmetowakeupeachmorningeagertogetgoing,excitedtoseewhatthedaywouldhold.I’dbeguntoseethatIwasmadetocreatethings,andthatdoingsowasanextensionofGod’sowncharacterflowingthroughme.FeelingGod’spleasureinsuchasimplewaymademe
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wanttoshareitwithothers.Myloveforartwas
quietlybirthingaloveforpeople.
“Findyourpassion.”Thescribbledwordsweremorethanaworthygoal.Icouldnothaveknown,inmytwentiesoreveninmythirties,howpassionwouldfindmeinstead.Sometimesittakesacircuitousroute,back
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toyourchildhood,torememberwhatbroughtyoujoy—beforeanyonetoldyouthatyoucouldn’tdoit,orthatyouweren’tgoodenough,orthatitwasn’tpractical.Beforethatvoiceinyourheadtoldyoutoclosethedoorandtakehomeeconomicsinstead.
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Sometimesyoubumpintoyourpassionwhenyou’relookingforsomethingelse,andsuddenlyitallbecomesclearwhenyoufeelGod’spleasureasyoucreateorgiveorlearn.Andsometimesyoujusthavetobreakdownsomefencesandbustsomegatesofftheirhingesinordertocatchtheprizeontheotherside.Andwhenyoudo,you
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realizethatdiscoveringyourpassionisn’tanendinitself,butthekey.
Thekeytofindingyourpurpose.
Findyourpassion.Passionleadstopurpose.
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Istoodoutsidethestatelydooroftheagingmansionandpushedthebell.ThefaintsoundofWestminsterchimesfilteredthroughthepanesofthesidewindows.Longestdoorchimeever.Idon’tknowhowpeoplestandit.“Justaminute,”cameavoiceontheothersideofthedoor.The
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ladyofthehousejiggledthehandleupanddownasshestruggledtounlockit.
Thewaitgavemeachancetotakeabreathandcollectmyselfbeforemeetingthisprospectivecustomer.Ipulledmyblazerdowntostraightenitandshookmybangsoutofmyeyes.Inhale.Nowexhale.OurprojectwithBridgetteandStevehadledto
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furtherworkatthecorporatesite,butithadrecentlyended.NowIneededtofillourscheduleonceagain.SohereIwas.
Itookstockofmysurroundings.Thehome,whichhadbeenfeaturedindesignmagazinesinthe1970s,wasonceashowstopperinthemidstoftheold-moneyedpartofFort
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Worth.Butfortyyearshadtakentheirtoll,andtheoldgirllookedunfashionablyshabbynexttothesprawlingnewmansionsthatweregoinginnearby.
Peelingpaintonthewooddoorandtrim,alongwithsaggingguttersalongtheroofline,madethehouselooktired,andeventhestiffboxwoodhedgesfeltoutof
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touchwithmodernstyle.Still,thiswasexactlythetypeofneighborhoodwelikedtoworkin:Ithadpeoplewhoappreciatedfinethings—andwhohadmoneytospend.
Thedesigneronthisproject,whohadputusintouchwiththehomeowner,wasnewtome.I’dnevermethimbefore,butIappreciatedthathe’dseenourwork
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somewhereandfeltwewouldbeagoodfitforhisclients.Heexplainedtheywereintheprocessofupdatingtheirhomeandneededustoprovidesomebeautifulfinishesforthekitchencabinetry.“Theremightalsobeafewminorrepairs,”hesaid.Andthenhe’dhungup
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abruptlyaftergivingmetheaddress.Alittleodd,buthey,Iwasn’tcomplaining.
Irentedashinynewcar,impressiveenoughtobefitthesalescall.
“Hereweare!”saidthelady,finallythrowingthedooropen,releasingasmoke-filledhazeintotheoutsideair.“Watchyourstep.”Shepressedherslipperedfoot
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overthethresholdtokeepitfrompoppingupandtookapuffofherlipstick-stainedcigarette.Itwasdifficulttotellherage,butIguessed,oh,mid-seventies,withalittlebitofworkdonetoputhersquarelyinherlatesixties.“Wehadaguyworkingonthisdoor,andhenevercamebacktofinish.”Sheshookher
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headdisgustedly.“Youjustcan’tdependonpeopleanymore.”
“Iknow,peoplethesedays,right?”Inoddedsympatheticallyandfollowedherintothedimentryway.Shescoopedupherblack-and-whiteshihtzu,whowasbarkingandbaringtinywhite
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fangsatmeinwelcome,andpulledhiminclosetoherflowinghousedress.
“Now,beforewegettothosecabinets,Iwantyoutotakealookatthiswater-damagedwallandgivemeabidonfixingit,thenpaintingamuraloverthefixtodisguiseit.”
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Iheardhersaythis,butIcouldbarelytearmyeyesawayfromthesceneinfrontofme.Amultitudeofbears—scoresandscoresofcollectibleteddybears—linedeverywall,step,pieceoffurniture,andbookshelf.Bearsinweddingdresses,bearsinoveralls,bearsreadingbooks,bigbears,littlebears,bearsinrocking
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chairs,bearsinfrillyVictorianoutfits,bearswithmonocles,bearswithbabybears.Bearsandmorebears.Itwasaveritablebearbonanza.
“Icollectbears,”theladysaidmodestly,pressingherjet-blackhairintoitselaborateupdo.“AndmodernAsianart,aswellascommemorativeplates.And
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anythingwithelephantsonit.”Shemotioned,spokesmodelstyle,tothesunkenlivingroom,wherehercollectionsweredisplayedinmassive,ridiculousvignettesofuttertastelessness.ItwasasiftheHomeShoppingNetworkhadunloadedallofitsunclaimedmerchandiserightthere.Ifelt
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aninvoluntarylaughabouttoerupt,butIremainedprofessional.
“Lovely,justlovely.Almosttakesyourbreathaway.”Ibusilypulledoutmymeasuringtapeandgottowork.Allthoseglassybeareyeswatching,watching.Myneckprickled.AndIknewinstinctively,evenasImeasured,thatsheonly
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wantedapricefrommeanddidnotplantohaveusfixthewallorpaintamuraloveritatall.Tirekicker.Youlearntorecognizethemquickly.Peoplewhodon’tcarethatittakeshourstolookateachproject,comeupwithasolution,createadesignandasketch,thenpresentabid...allwithoutthemever
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planningtopurchasefromyou.NotthatImind—I’mjustsaying.
Wemadeourwaytothekitchen,wheretomysurprisethecabinetrywasfreshlyfinishedwithaCountryFrench,antiquedtreatment.“Youwanttochangethis?”Iasked.
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“No,justfixit,”shereplied.Shepointedtoaverysmallareanearthesinkthatneededattention.“Ikeepcallingthepaintertocomeoutandfinishthis,andI’vejustgivenup.Obviously,heisnotaverydependableperson.”Shelaunchedintoaconspiratorialrantabouthowdifficultitwastogetanyonetodoagoodjob,theway
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thingsusedtobedone,and
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howterribleitwasthatnooneevenansweredtheirphonesanymore.
“I’llhavetoprepthewoodandmatchthepaint,”Isaid,interruptingherlengthyremarksandstartingtofeeljustateenybitputoutfordrivingallthiswaytobidonsuchaminorrepair.“It’saverysmallarea,butitwon’t
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beeasytogetittolookperfect.”I’dhavetorecoupmytimesomehow.
“Iknowyoucandoit,”saidthehomeowner.“Ijustcan’ttrustanyoneelse.”Thecigaretteglowed.“Now,youneedtoseetheguestbathandtellmewhatyoucandointhere.Thewallpaperguydidn’tpulloffalltheoldpaperbeforehequit,andI
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wonder—youcanjusttexturerightoveritandmakeitlookreallyluxurious,can’tyou?”Whatwasleftofthegoldwallpaper,withred-and-blackflocking,burnedmyeyeballswithitsgroovy’70spattern.Itwashardtothinkstraight.Perhapsthewallpaperguyhadbeenovercomewithnausea.
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“Whatareyourideas?”shedemanded.Thedoginthecrookofherarmquiverednervouslywithacontinuousgrowl,chasingoffanycreativethoughtImighthavehad.Easynow,Fluffy.ButIgraciouslyspentthenextfifteenminutesdiscussingideaswithherfortheguestbathroom,whichIknewwasanothertirebeingkicked.
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Myeyeballproblemwasgivingwaytoamassiveheadache,butthetourwasjustbeginning.Fromtheguestbath,wetrudgedthroughstrewnlaundrytothemasterbath,wheretheplumbershadlefttheirtoolsandeverything,presumablyforalunchbreak.Butthat
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wastwoweeksago.Ibegantoseeapatternhere.Nooneevercomesback.
Mypoundinghead,theawfulfluorescentlights,hergravellyvoicegoingonandonabouttheplumbers...Izonedoutforamomentorfive,whichwasunfortunate,becauseIdidnotseetheothershihtzucoming,fullforce,toattackthebackof
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myankle.Ack!Ishookhimoffandtriedtoactcasualaboutinspectingthebitemark.Bleeding!Areyoukiddingme?Thatwretchedlittledoghadpuncturedaveinwithhisneedleteeth.That’swhenIstoppedpretendingtosmileandjustgrittedmyteethfortheremainderofthetour.
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Please,dearLord,makethisend.
ButGod,inHisinscrutablewisdom,wasclearlynotinterestedinswiftintervention.Hewasgoingtoleavemehanging.Ontowardthemasterbedroomwewent.IcouldhearchildrendownthehallsingingtheBarneythemesongandventuredsomesmalltalk.
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“Oh,howsweet.ArethoseyourgrandchildrenIhear?”
“No,notgrandchildren,”saidmyhostess.Sheflungopenadoortoahugewalk-incloset.“Parrots.”
Threelargegraybirds,inthreeenormousdustycages,allbobbedtheirheads,theirbeadyeyesgluedtoaTVscreenandsingingwithreedy
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voices,“Iloveyou,youloveme,we’reahap-pyfam-i-ly...”
“Theylovethisshow!”sheexclaimed.“Ikeepiton24-7,justforthem.”Ibrushedafloatingfeatherfrommynoseandinstantlyrealizedthatsomeonehadputdrugsinmydrive-throughcoffee,andIwashallucinatingthiswhole
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thing.Suddenly,thesingingparrotsmadeperfectsense.Ofcourse.Thatfeatherwasn’tevenreal,wasit?Hysteriabubbledup,alongwithacoldsweat.Sothisiswhatitfeelsliketoloseit.Bu-whahahahaha!
IfIhadhadplumber’stools,Iwouldhavedroppedthemandrun,butinsteadIclutchedmyblacksatcheland
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snappedmynotebookshut.Iturnedtomakemyexit,butbeforeIcouldmakeacleangetaway,shekeptthepartygoingwithonelastitem.
“Iwantyoutomeetmyhusband,”sheannounced,andlikealambtotheslaughter,allIcoulddowasfollowhelplesslytothenextroom.
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“Frank!ThisisRachel!Frank!Thisistheartist!”mytourguideraspedasweburstthroughthedoor.Shroudedinbluecigarettesmoke,Frank,ashrunkenlittleman,satdeepintherecessesofafadedfloralcouch,hookeduptoanoxygentank.Thetankwasatoneknee,anashtrayontheother,justabovealargelegbandage.Heliftedhis
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perfectlybaldheadingreetingandsputteredsomethingunintelligible,hiswordsdrownedoutbytheBarneychorusandbarkingshihtzus.Inthatinstant,IknewthatI,too,wouldnevercomeback.
“Ohmygoodness,lookatthetime!”Ipretendedtolookatmywatchandwheeledaround.Ilimpedback
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throughthehouseonmyonegoodankle,draggingmybloodystumpbehindme,whiletheladyshuffledtokeepup,explainingtheproblemswithhomehealthcareinminutedetail.SomethingaboutFrank’slegwoundnothealingproperly,andwouldItakealookatit
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andtellherwhatIthought.Mythoughtatthatmoment?Whyme?
Wemadeittothedoor.Finally!Butitwouldn’topen.SoIwaitedindesperationwhileshejiggledthedoorknobforafullminutebeforereleasingmefromthenetherworldofbearsanddisappearingworkers.
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Air!Freshair!Myrentalcar!ItakebackeverythingIeversaidaboutfindingaquietloveforpeople.Myheartwasagiantholeofnothing.Exceptfear.
Andpossiblyhorror.IcalledTomtheminuteI
gotoutofthedriveway.“Wearegettingregular
jobs,”Isaidinnouncertainterms.“Youcannotbelieve
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whatjusthappenedtome.”IlaidrubberontheroadasIpeeledontothefreeway.“Also,andI’mnotjoking,IthinkImayhavebeendrugged.”
Mydescriptionoftheeventtookmostofthedrivehome.WhenIfinallyarrived,ashowerremovedthestalesmokefrommyhair.The
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clothescouldbelaundered.ButIcouldnotshakethenightmare.
Theproblemwas,weneededthemoney,andIknewwehadnochoicebuttogoback.We’dhavetoworkwithshriveled-upFrankandthesingingparrots,rabidshihtzus,andawfulsmoke.Andallthattalking!Myheadthrobbed.
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Tomguidedmetothecouchandhandedmeasteamingcupoftea,alongwithasquareofdarkchocolate(withseasaltandcaramel—sohealing).“Havethis,”hesaid,“andthenlet’sgetyouintobed.Thereyougo,baby.”Ilookedatthisguywhoaftertwenty-fiveyearsofmarriageknewIneededtohearthat
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everythingwasgoingtobeallright.“Wecanmanagewithoutthisjob,”helied.AndIlovedhimforit.
Isleptoffthedreadfulexperience(ordetoxed?—whatever),andwhenmorningcame,Tombroughtmecoffeeandhandedmemyshoes.
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“Let’sgetGraysonofftoschoolandthengoforalittlewalk.”BynowMeghanwasincollege,anditwaseasytogetonekidoutthedoorwithasacklunch.Thiswasgood:Ineededeasy.
Theairhadjustahintoffallinit,andaslightbreezerustledthedrygrassesinthefieldaswetookeachother’shandandslippedoutside.
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Neitherofusneededtosayanythinggrand,whichisoneoftheverybestthingsaboutbeingtogethersinceforever.
Weletourselvesthroughthegateandwalkedintothepasture,ourstepsinstinctivelytakingustooneofFlash’strails.Abouttwelveinchesinwidth,thepathwasperfectlygroomedbyhissetofhoovesandjust
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wideenoughforsinglefile.Tomdroppedbackbehindme,ourfingersreleasing.
Thetrailmeanderedtowardthebarnalongthefencelineforfiftyyardsorsobeforedividingintotwo.Oneofthebranchesledontothebarn,whiletheotherangledoffacrossthefield.Wechosetheoneanglingoffandfolloweditaroundtowhereit
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intersectedwithanotherofFlash’strails.Takingaright,weheadedthroughthebackpasturetowardthewoods,ourfeetstillfollowingthefurrowthatwascarvedthroughthegrassandtallweeds.
“I’llbetthisplacelookscrazyfromtheair!”Ishieldedmyeyesfromthemorningsunandlookedeastwardacrossthefield.Itwas
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crisscrossedwithhispathsinsomekindofpatternonlyadonkeycouldmakesenseof.Eachcornerofthefieldwasconnectedbyatrail,withintersecting,veeringlinesgoingthiswayandthat.Nonewasstraight,buteachwaslikeagentlyundulating,dryriverbedcreatedbyhismoseyingwalkingstyle.
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“Hardtobelievehecandoenoughploddingtokeepthesesowellmaintained,”Tomsaid,admiringFlash’sworkethic.“Look,thisonegoesfromthewoodstothebarn,withexitsincasehechangeshismind!”Themainarterieswerewellwornanddeep,buteventhesecondarypathslookedoftused.
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WeglancedupjustintimetoseeFlashemergefromthewoods,wherehelovedtosleepatnight.Truetoform,heusedthemostdirecttrailroutetoreachus.Wewatchedhishoovesplod,plod,plodtowardusandsawthattheydraggedabitofdirtwitheachknock-kneedstep.
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FlashcametoastopbyTom,nosinghispocketsforatreat.TomproducedaTicTacandpalmeditforFlash’ssoft,thicktonguetograb,andwelaughedwhenhedrooledatitsmintyness.Welistenedtohimcrunchit,thesoundechoinginthatbigoldhead.ThenIsighedandlookedatTom,notwantingtotalkaboutthatjobbutknowing
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weprobablyshould.Iwantedtoquitthiswholething,soIsaidasmuch.
“Rachel,wearen’tgoingtotakethatproject,sostopworryingaboutit.We’llbefine.We’vealwayssaid‘Notallbusinessisgoodbusiness,’andthisisaperfectexample.Somethingelsewilltakeitsplace.You’llsee.”
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TomthrewanarmaroundFlash’sneckandgavehisfriendagoodknucklerubonhisfuzzyforehead.ThedonkeyturnedhisheadintoTom’schestandvigorouslyrubbedupanddown,leavingadustyprintonhisdarkshirt.LookingoverFlash’searsatme,Tomcontinued.“Besides,nottobecornyoranything,butIthinkwejust
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needtokeepploddingon.”“Oh,ha-ha-ha,”I
laughed,holdingmystomachinfeignedmirth.“Aren’tyouclever!”
“No,I’mserious.”Tom’ssmilebecameearnest.“Weneedtorememberthatwe’reinthisforthelonghaul,andthatthejourneyisjustasimportantasthedestination.Lookathowfarwe’vecome
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andhowmanygoodthingshavehappenedalongtheway.Lookatourkids,andhowwe’relivingherenow,fightingforsomethingworthwhile.Lookatthefactthatwe’restandinginapasturewithadonkeyonaweekdaymorning,whiletherestoftheworldissittingintraffictogettotheirdeskjobs.Wearedoingsomething
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welove.Yeah,we’vehadourinsanemoments,butIwouldn’ttradeanythingforwherewearerightnow.”
Ilookedaroundatallthosetrails,madeonesedatestepatatime,byadonkeywhoneverreallyseemedtopayattentiontowherehewasheaded,andIconsideredwhatTomhadsaid.Maybehehadapoint.
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Plod,plod,plod.Thatwasexactlywhatweweredoing.Progresswassoslow.Itdidn’tappearlikewewereheadinganywhere.Successwasnowhereonthehorizon,andourtemposeemedtodrag.Butatleastweweremoving.Weweren’tsittingstill.Weweretakingsteps,forminghabits,creatinglanes.Andallthoselanes
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wereintersecting,weaving,makingwayforlifetohappen.Itdidn’tallrestononejob.Hmmm.
Wewerewalkingnow,singlefileagain.Tom,me,Flash.YouneverreallyliketobetheonerightinfrontofFlashbecausehehasnoconceptofpersonalspace.Heputshisnoserightupbyyourbackandplayfullynibblesat
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yourclothingasyoumovealong.Hereallyneedstoworkonthat.
JustasIarchedmybackinanticipationofhisnudge,Iheardhoovespausebehindme.IturnedintimetowatchFlashlowerhisnosetotheground.We’dwalkeddirectlythroughhisfavoriterollspot,wherehelovestobathehimselfindirt.It’sawide
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circle,worncleanofgrassandweeds,rightdowntothesoft,loosesoilbeneath.
Flash’srollspots—hiddenjewelsinapasturecomprisedlargelyofTexasblacklandsoil(muchtooclumpy)andlimestonerock(notenoughdust)—arewellchosenfortheirqualityofsandydirt,
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andheenjoystheritualofbathinginthemlikeyoucan’timagine.
Nowtrancelike,withhalf-closedeyesandflattenedears,hecircledseveraltimes,hismuzzleleavingagrooveinthefinesand.Hisfrontlegsseemedtobuckle,andwithadeepexhaleheloweredhimselftothegroundand
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kickedupagiantplumeofdustwithhisbackfeetasherolledover.
Bellyup,herolledfromsidetosideinviolentmotionspunctuatedbygasandgroans.Herubbedhisbackintothegroundwithrelishandfinallycametoastopwithlegssplayedout,tailrapidlysweepingthedirt.Onemoreroll.Heheavedahappysigh
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andlookedupatusoverhisdustmustache.Iwasreadytohearhimsay,“Thanksforwaiting,guys.Thatfeltgreat.”
Flashthrewhisfrontfeetforwardandpulledhimselfup,coveredindirtfromearstorump,justthewayhelikesit.Thelayerofdustwouldhelprepelthefliesandmosquitoesandprotecthim
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fromthesun—importantquality-of-lifeissuesforcreatureswho,forobviousreasons,wouldhavedifficultyapplyingsunscreenorinsectspraybythemselves.
Wecontinuedonourway,finallystoppingatthewaterspigotnearthebarn,whereBeauwaswaitingforus.He’doptednottowalkwithhisrival,buthedidn’tseem
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tomindthatwehaddoneso.“I’lltakeyouguystothehouse,”hisexpressionsaidashewaggedthetipofhistailatus.
WithhisshouldertoFlash,hisbodylanguageclearlyexcludedthedonkeyfromtheconversation.Thetwotag-teamedourwalks,passingusofflikebatons,withFlashtakingthepasture
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zoneandBeauinchargeoftheyard.Howeverawkward,itseemedtoworkforthem.
Tomtoppedoffthebucketbeneaththefaucetwhilethesunwarmedthefourofus.IhadneverconsideredFlashtobeatrailblazer,eventhoughwe’dseenhimrunwithhorsesandromanceabeautifulmare.Hecertainlyhadexperienced
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somebig,shiningmoments.Buthischaracteristicgaitwass.l.o.w.Hedidn’thurry,andheseemedtostepmethodically.Herarelyevenlookedupasheambled.
Anditdawnedonmethenthattherewassomethingimportantinhistrails.Theyweredailyeffortsthatcreatedstructureandmadepathwaysforotherstofollow.And
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maybejustasnoteworthy,theyintertwinedtocreateanintricatepatternthatdidn’talwaysmakesensefromupclose,butcouldeasilybeseenfromanotherperspective.
Ididamentalflyover,imaginingmylifeasFlash’s.(Iwoulddefinitelydosomethingaboutthebuckteethandbig-ear
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situation.)IlookeddownatmyownpathwaystoseeifIcouldfindanypatterns—anydefinitivetrailsthatIcouldidentify.
AtfirstglanceitlookedjustlikeFlash’shaphazardpasturelines,butasIpulledmylensbackfurther,Ibegantoseehowallthosethreadswereinterconnecting,moving,andweaving.Like
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anunfinishedtapestry,withunravelededges,butwiththebeginningsofsomethingbeautifultakingshape.
IsawhowthepathofmychildhoodasthatawkwardmissionarykidhadledtoyoungadulthoodandBiblecollege.AndhowthepathofBiblecollegehadledtomeetingmyhusbandandthinkingwewouldbe
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courageoushumanitariansinsomefar-offcorneroftheglobe.Astwentysomethings,wejustknewwewouldchangetheworldwithourzealanddedication.Jesusandusandthegospel!Butsomehowlifeandkidsandworkhadchangedthoseplans,andthetrailtookanunexpectedturn.
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Forsomanyyearswefeltthatourpathwas“lessthan”thoseofmorededicatedservants,whogaveitalltofollowhighercallings.Whilewelivedinsuburbiaandenjoyedtheeverydayluxuriesofrunningwater,flushingtoilets,andWalmart,theywereputtingtheirlivesonthelineingrasshutssomewhere.Arewedoingenough?Arewe
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sellouts?Areweselfishtopursueadreamthatusesourcreativegifts?Wekepttreading.Diapers,Sundayschool,work,offeringplate.
Faithhadoftenbeenpresentedasaneither-orproposition:Eitheryouarea100percentwillingvesselorahalfheartedchurchattendee.Aministerorapewsitter.Adoeroraspectator.Anon-
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firezealotorapallidChristian.Therewasn’tmuchmiddlegroundtospeakof.Ittookyearsofploddingtorealizethattherewas,afterall,aplaceforus,anditwasnotinamanufacturedstateofguilt,butinagrace-filledspacewithinHiscare.
Faith,welearned,isnotanoccupation,butalifestyle.Itisamatteroftheheartthat
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encompasseseverything.Stepbyfalteringstep,wehadmadeatrailfromthewoodstothebarn,fromhyperactivedutytogenuineworship.Circlingaroundandcomingback.Fromwork...tograce...tooffering.
Makingdinner,takingkidstopianolessons,changingtheoil.FindingthatGodisinourworkandour
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playandourfamily.InourhockeygamesandBiblestudies,ourbedtimeprayersanderrands.Heisinoursketchesandpaintbrushesanddreams.Heisinourshowingupeachdayandlacingupourshoesandbeingfullypresentinwhateversituationswefindourselves.Heisinourverybreaths.
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Walking,stepping,plodding.Doingthenextthing.
Fromtheweightofthinkingweneededtohavealltheanswersinourzealousyouth,tothedarknessofhavingnone—notasingleone—inourmomentsofdespair.LikewhenwelostCollin.Orwhenwehadto
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choosewhichbillstopay.Gettinglost,andfeelingourway.
Andoneday,wakinguptoembracethefreedomofthemystery.Savoringthenotknowing.Restinginfaith.BeinginaweofaGodwhoseesandknows,andwhowaits.Itallhappensinsuchincrementalmoments,asyouworkoutyourlifeintosome
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kindofreflectionofHiminyoureverydayworld.Youaremakingtrails,evenwhenyoudon’tknowquitewhereyouareheading.
Andallthetangledknots,thehardplacesofyourjourney,becomedotsonthemap.Theyareinterspersedwiththestretchesofplains,themountains,andthejoyousmilestones,allofitcoursing
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intoamagnificentpatternborneofslowstepsanddeterminedfeet.
Eachmarkerholdsitsstory.“Rememberthattime?”yousay,andyoulaughorfadeoffintoquietreverie,retracingyourstepsandshakingyourhead.Youseehoweachplaceyoumarkmakeswayforanewtrailtobeblazed.Yes,someofthe
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trailspeterout,andyouhavetobackupandstartover.Someofthemareeasierthanothers.Andsomedon’tmakeanysenseatall,atleastfromyourperspective.Thepointis,youaremoving.Notstandingstill.Youareputtingonefootinfrontoftheother,andasyoudo,somehow...Godisthere.
Step,step,plod,step.
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Heputspeopleinyourpath—likePriscilla,whoenteredmylifewithaphonecallinquiringaboutanurserymural,andwhoneverleft.Withherendlessencouragementandgenerousfriendship,shechangedmycourseforever.“Wanttoseeamovie?”she’dask,anditwaslikealifelinewhenIwasmostlonely.
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AndBridgette.OurSouthernbelleneighbor,whowasevergrowingonmewithher“Wellhi,y’all”sandherdeliciousgumbothatsometimesarrivedoutsideourfrontdooralongwithakindnote.ShestillcalledFlashTHATNAME,butitbotheredmelessandlessthesedays.
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Trailmarkers,northernstars.
Psalm32:8says,“Iwillguideyoualongthebestpathwayforyourlife.Iwilladviseyouandwatchoveryou.”HowincredibletoknowthatHishandisleadingandHiseyeiswatchingoverus.AndProverbs16:9states,
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“Wecanmakeourplans,buttheLORDdeterminesoursteps.”
AsIwaitedforFlash’sbuckettofill,IrememberedthetimeIwasatChick-fil-AwithGraysononaparticularlystressfulday.We’djustleftadentistappointmentthattookforeverandcostsomeexorbitantsum,andIwasinahurryto
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getbacktoworktomakeuplosttime.Iswungintothedrive-throughlaneandplacedourorderforlife-sustainingchickennuggets,wafflefries,andsweettea.Theyoungladyontheothersideoftheintercomwasincrediblypolite,andIwasevenmoreimpressedwithherwhenwereachedthewindow.Shetookmymoney,gaveusourfood,
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toldmeitwasapleasuretoserveus...allwhileemployingsuchintentionaleyecontactwithmethatImadeparticularnoteofittoGrayson.
“See,nowthatishowteenagersshouldinteractwithadults.Makingeyecontactissoimportant!Ihopeyou’llremembertodothat,Gray.You’llgofarinlifeifyou
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do.”Hey,youcan’tletateachablemomentgotowaste.
AsIhandedGraysonhisfood,Ihappenedtocatchaglimpseofmyselfintherearviewmirror.What?SuddenlyIknewexactlywhythegirlatthewindowhadlookedatmesointently.Theleftlensofmysunglasseshad
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fallenout—I’dbeentalkingtoherwithonlyonetintedlens!
“Goodgrief,Grayson!HowlonghaveIbeendrivingaroundlikethis?”Idemandedofmyson,whosemouthwasalreadystuffedwithwafflefries.Ipointedatmymissinglensandglaredathim.Throughhischipmunkcheeks,hemumbled
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somethingaboutnotbeingabletoseethatsideofmyheadfromthepassengerseat.Glancingover,henearlychokedashespitoutthefriesandhowledinlaughter.Notashredofcompassion,thatkid.
HowcouldInothavenoticedthatIwasmissingalens?HowcouldInot“see”somethingsoconspicuous?IrealizedlaterthatIwasjust
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tooclosetothesituation—literally.(Itdidn’thelpthatIwasdistractedandworriedatthetime.)Butmymismatchedlenseswereonlytooobvioustosomeonelookingfromanotherperspective.Lookingoutfrommybrokenviewpointdidn’trevealthetruth;itwasonlyfromadistancethatrealitywasclearlyseen.
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Iwondered,howoftendowefailtoseethebigpicture?Howoftendowelookatpresentcircumstancesandmakedecisionsbasedonwhatweseeandfeeltoday?Weforgetthatit’sinthewalking,inthedailytasks,thattheworkofgracegetsdone.Sometimeswejusthavetostepbackinordertoseeit.
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Flash’scoarsehairalongthecrossonhisbackalreadyfelthotinthemorningsun.Heplungedhislipsintothecoolwateranddrankdeeplyfromthefullblackbucket.Hissturdyneckrippledwitheachswallow,hisnostrilsopeningwide,thenclosing.Hefinallybroughthisheadup,waterdribblingfromthecornersofhismouth,and
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lookedatme.Throughlongeyelashes,hisdarklyrimmedeyesheldmygaze.Heblinkedandbroughthiswetnoseuptomyfacetosniffmycheek.
Inthatmoment,Iwasfilledwithgratitudeforthishomelessdonkeyandforallhiscrazytrails.AndIthankedGodforallthetimesduringmyjourneythatI’dbegged
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forrescue,forchange,forintervention—andGodinHisinscrutablewisdomhadleftmejustwhereIwas.
Becauseitwasinthewaiting,andthewondering,andtheploddingthatIhadtodothemosttrusting.Andfoundthemostgrace.
Youcan’talwaysseethedestination,butperseverancewilltakeyouthere.
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Heiswithyoueachstepoftheway.
Always.
Beatrailblazer.Persistencemakespathwaysforgracetofollow.
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CanIgetyouacupofcoffee?No?Howaboutsomelemonade?It’ssugar-free.”Bridgetteusheredmeintoherultrastylishhomeofficeforadesignmeeting,butfirst,herSouthernhospitalitytookover.Sheadjustedtheroundglassesonhernoseandsmiled.“Youjustsetrighthereandletmegetyou
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something.”Bridgettesaid“here,”like“heeah,”whichalwaysmademesmile.
“No,thankyou.I’mfine.”Ideclinedtherefreshmentandsatdown.MyMidwesternsensibilitiesandNorwegianrootsrequiredmetorefuseallfirstandsecondoffers,onaccountofthat’showwedoit.Itgoesagainstourstoicgraintoputanyone
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out.Wedon’twanttobeabother.Really,wedon’t.Wecouldn’t.
Unless,ofcourse,theymakeathirdoffer.
Thenwecanconsiderit.“Water,then?It’sno
trouble,”Bridgetteinsisted.“Butthelemonadeisdelicious,andI’vealreadygotitmade.”Thepitcherwashoveringovertheglass,
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Bridgette’seyesonme,awaitingmyresponse.Iwasnomatchforthis“steelmagnolia”andgavein.
“Well,sinceyou’vealreadymadeit...”Graciousacceptancewasmyonlyrecourseinthissituation.Shepoureditoverice(again,toomuchtrouble,butshealready
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hadiceout)andsettheglassdownonacoasterinfrontofme.
“Howaboutsomecheeseandcrackers?”IcouldseethatBridgettewasgoingtomakethisdifficult.
“Ohthankyou,but,no.Ijusthadalatelunchandcouldn’teatabite.”Iheldmyhandupinpoliterefusal.Butshewasalreadybringinga
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smalltraywithanarrayofcheeses,aselectionofcrackers,andclustersofgrapes.
“You’vesimplygottotrythisBrie,”Bridgettesaid.Inoticedthatitwastoppedwithsomekindofraspberrymarmalade,oozingdownthesidesinadecadentdisplayofepicureangoodness.Thisladydidn’tplayfair.
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“Ohmy.That’stooprettytoeat.ImightneedtojustInstagramitinstead.”Icouldfeelmymouthwatering.Raspberriesaremyfavorite.Alsoanykindofcheese.
Bridgettetookacrackeranddippeditintothesoftwedgetotemptme.“It’sfromCostco,andwebought
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somuch,morethanSteveandIcouldpossiblyeat.Pleasehelpuseatsomeofitup!”
AsIthoughtaboutit,lunchwasseveralhoursago,anditonlymadesensetohaveanafternoonsnack.Andshe’dgonetoallthisworktoputthetraytogether.
“Ireallyshouldn’t.”Iwasstillreluctantbuthatedtoinsultherhospitality.“I’lljust
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haveoneortwobites.”Heavenly.Shehadso
muchofit,maybethreeorfourbites,orten,wouldtakesomeoffherhands.ItwastheleastIcoulddo.
IdecidedthatonlyclassypeoplehappentohaveBrie(andgourmetmarmalade)onhandforlast-minutemeetings.BridgettesomehowmademefeellikeIwasdoing
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herafavorbyeatingasmuchasIcould.Idon’tknowifSouthernwomengotoschooltomastertheartofpersuasionorwhat,butshehadasummacumlaudedegreeinit.Icouldlearnsomethingfromher.
BridgettehadanewclientwhoneededartworkinhisluxurycondoindowntownDallas,andshewantedtogo
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overthedesignplanforthewholespacebeforewewerescheduledtogotothelocationtogetherlaterintheweek.
IsippedmylemonadeasItookoutanotepadandstartedlookingatthepaintandfabricswatchesshehadchosenwhilepiped-inmusicdriftedthroughtheeclecticofficethatlookedpartdowntown
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loft,partTexascountry,andparturbanrenewal.Galvanizedmetalblendedseamlesslywithstainedconcretefloors,modernlighting,sleekworkspaces,andwell-chosenantiques.Ilovedtheoldwroughtironstairrailandslidingbarndoor.Fabuloustouches.Alibraryofarchitecturalbooksandsamplesfilledanentire
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wall,andamassivebankconferencetable,usedmainlyforPing-Pong,heldcenterstage.Youcouldn’thelpbutadmirethepanachewithwhichBridgetteandStevemergedtheirworkandhomelives.
Overthemonthsofworkingtogetheronvariousprojects,IhadcometoappreciateBridgette’stalent
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forseeingpossibilitiesineverything.Oh,she’sverygood.Caseinpointwasthisoffice.SheandStevehadrecentlyboughtthepropertythatFlash’scowfriendshadlivedonandmovedfromthecottagenearusintoabarn.Seriously,whomovesintoacowbarn?Well,onlypeoplewhocanreimagine,repurpose,andreuseanything
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andeverythingtoconvertitintoanincrediblehomeandofficespace.Whatwasoncejustabigmetalstructurehadbecomeafunctionalandinvitinglivingandworkingenvironmentthatanyonewouldenvy.
ItwasnowonderBridgettewassuccessful.Icouldseethatnow.Shecouldtakeanyolditemandmakeit
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intoartorafunctionalpieceoffurniture.SheandStevecoulddesignawholebuildingonthebackofanapkin.Italmostmademesick,butIwascomfortedbythefactthattheylovedwhatwecouldbringtotheirprojectsartistically.Andasitturnedout,weworkedwelltogether.
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“Say,haveyouseenhowbigthedarkmarenextdoorisgetting?”Bridgettefinishedfussingovertherefreshmentsandpulledupachair.“Whendoyouthinkherbabyisdue?”
“Ihavenoclue,”Isaid.“Butherbellyishuge!Itlookslikeshemightexplodeanyday.”
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Itwastrue.Maria,thebeautifulebonyhorsethatFlashhadcrashedthroughfencesandgatesfor,wasdefinitelyexpectingafoal.Therecouldbenodoubt.Wewatchedhergirthexpandfromweektoweekasshewentfromsleekvixentobigmama.Nolongertrottingaroundthepasturewithherbandoffriends,shenow
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lumberedslowly,asifmindfulofthenewlifeinsideher.
Flashhadnotmadeanymoreattemptstobreakout,buthelingereddailynearthebackgateandnuzzledwithherwhenhecould.Itwasasweetsight,butboy,wehopedhewasnotthepartyresponsibleforherballooningweightandthickankles.The
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bandofhorsesinthepastureincludedtwostallions,sochancesweregoodthathewasoffthehookonthisone.
“AnyideaifHay-soosisthefather?”Bridgetteshotmeawink.She’dheardaboutFlash’srendezvouswiththecutie,anditwassomethingofafamousjokebynow.
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“Bridgette,youdoknowhisnameisFlash,don’tyou?”Ilaughed.Thishadgoneonlongenough.
“OfcourseIdo,butthat’sjustmylil’petnameforhim.”Doggoneit,shelookedsosincere,Icouldn’tbemadaboutitanymore.Besides,itreallydidn’tmatterwhatshecalledhim.Itonlymatteredwhoownedhim,right?He
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belongedtome,sowhatdifferencediditmake?Nonewhatsoever.ThisconversationwasfareasierthanIhadthoughtitwouldbe.WhyhadIfeareditsomuch?MaybeIwasgrowingorsomething.
“Fromthesizeofher,I’dsayit’smorelikelythatoneofthosebigstallionsoverthereisthestud,”Isaid.“I
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surehopeso.Thelastthingweneedisacustodysituation.”Witheachdaythatpassed,Iworriedthatourneighborwouldshowupwithpapersandapaternitysuit.He’dprobablyhavethesheriffswithhimandeverything.Please,Lord,letthisfoalbeahorseandnotamule.
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“You’dbetterkeepyourfingerscrossed,”Bridgettecautionedwithasmile.
“Believeme,Iam.Anyway,we’replanningtohaveFlash‘fixed,’soweshouldbeabletoputthisbehindus.”IgrimacedatthethoughtoftheimpendingoperationasIpickedupmypenandnotebook.
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Wefocusedonthebusinessathand.Ilookedattheplansandtooknotes,squintingmyeyesandstaringoffintothedistanceasIimaginedtheoptionsforthespace.Thebiggestchallengewastocreateanartpieceusingaspecificshadeofbrownforatwenty-foot-highwall.Becauseelevatorsandhallwayswouldinterruptthe
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space,somethingonsuchamassivescalewouldneedtobeinstalledinpieces,yetfeelseamless.Betweenthetwoofus,wehadmadeagoodstartontheoverallproject.ButIknewitwouldtakeareallyspecialideafortheowneroftheluxuryapartmenttosay,“Wow!That’sperfect!”
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Afterourmeeting,Iwalkedhome,afloweringperennialfromBridgette’sgardenperchedatopmystackofsamples.Notabadcommute,whentheonlyothertrafficiscottontailrabbitswhoscurryoutoftheway.
Isteppedcarefullyoverthecattleguardbetweenourproperties,andFlashmetme
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bythegatepost.“Heythere,DonkeyBoy.”Isetmythingsdownandreachedouttoscratchunderhisscruffychin,workingmywayuphisfacetohisears.Dustfromhislastdirtbathwaftedupintotheairandsettledbackdown.“Sowhat’sthatbabygonnabe,huh?”Iaskedhim,buthedidn’tsay.Instead,heturnedhisbodyarounduntilhisrear
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endwasfacingme,andthenbackedupsoIcouldn’tmisshisrump.
“Nice,”Isaid.“Youwon’ttalktome,butyou’llletmescratchyourrear.Igetit.”Flashmightbeananimaloffewwords,buthecertainlyknowshowtocommunicatewhenhewantsto.Andheloveshavinghisbackside—theonlyplacehecan’treach
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withhisteeth—rubbed.Heturnedtolookbackatme,witha“well-what-are-we-waiting-for”expression,andrelaxedhisbackhoofinanticipationofamassage.
SoIobliged,chucklingoutloudattheincongruityofstandinginafield,rubbingadustydonkey’sbacksideafterafancybusinessmeetingtodiscussaluxurycondodesign
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overBrieandcrackers.Flashhadreallycomealongwaysincehefirstarrived,soscaredandbrokeninthoseearlydays.Ithoughtabouthowhehadn’twantedustotouchhim,howhehadshiedawaywhenwecametotendtohiswoundsandhadkeptawaryeyeoutforanysuddenmovement.
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LookingoverFlash’shipstothefieldbeyond,IrememberedhowTomhadsetupthatcampchairinthemiddleofit.He’dbeensopatient,pretendingtoignoreFlashbyengrossinghimselfinabook,orby“bird-watching,”allthewhileallowingthedonkeytobecomeaccustomedtohispresence.Flashhadinched
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hiswaycloserandcloser,fearingmistreatment,butreceivinginsteadgentlewordsandkindhandling.First,arubonhisnose.Then,ahandonhisneck.Hehadstood,trembling,asTomfelthiswaydownthecoarsehair,acrosshischestandoverhisshoulders.
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Hisfearhadgraduallygivenwaytotrust,andherepaidTombybecominghisloyalcompanion.Hefollowedhimeverywhere,alwaysloiteringnearTom’sworkarea,curiousaboutanythinghedid.Affectionateandplayful,Flashlovedtoleanintohim,nibbleathiswaterbottle,andsniffhispockets.
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Flashwouldhaveletmescratchhisbumallafternoon,butIhadotherthingstodo.Withafinaldustypatandahugaroundtheneck,Iheadedbacktothehouse.
“Here’swhatI’vecomeupwith,”IreportedtoTomafterseeingthecondolaterthat
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week.“HowaboutaVenetianplasterfinishontwo-footsquarepanels,mountedinagridpatternoverthewholewall?WecoulduseastenciltechniquetoembosssomeLatinphrasesthatwouldrunupanddownthepanelstovisuallyconnectthem.”Ibelieveditsolvedeveryissuebeautifully,andIwasprettyproudofit.
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“Hmmm...”Tomthoughtaboutitforafewmomentsandthensaidslowly,“Ithinkwecandobetter.”Hetookoutapieceofgraphpaper.“Iliketheideaofpanels,andifI’vedonethemathcorrectly,itwilltakeforty-fivesquarestocoverthatmassivewall.Butwhatifweembossindividualwordsthatdescribea‘LifeWell
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Lived’oneachpanel?Toreallyknockitoutofthepark,wecoulduseadifferentlanguageforeachword,whichwouldreflectboththetravelsoftheclientandhisvalues.”
Yep,itwasbetter.Infact,itwasbrilliant.Wepresentedtheidea,andtheclientlovedit.
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Withapprovalgrantedforthedesign,Tomperfectedtheplasterfinishtechnique,whileIresearchedwordstodescribeelementsofawell-livedlife.NowthisisthekindofartIadore,becauseitcombinestheaestheticwithameaningfulmessage.Itmademepauseandreflectonwhatawell-livedlifereallylookslike.
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Isitaboutsuccess?Relationships?Experiences?Character?Faith?Whatwouldmakesomeonesayaboutanother,“Thispersonreallyknowshowtolivelifewell”?Theconceptforthearthadbeenasimpleone,really.ButitsprofoundquestionsresonatedwithmeasIponderedthecharacteristics
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thathavemarkedhumanity’saspirationsthroughouthistory.
Intheend,weusedwordslikethese:
LoveHonestyFriendshipGenerosityKindnessFaith
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PatienceGratitudePeaceHope
Eachelementoftheartpiecerequiredtime.Timetodecideonjusttherightword,timetotranslateitintoanotherlanguage,timetochooseafont,timetolayitout,timetoapplyittoeach
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panel.IfoundthatwhenIhandledawordlikeloveorgratitudeorjoythatlong,Imeditatedonitthroughouttheday,evenwhenIwasn’tworkingonit.IfeltintentionalwithmyenergiesasIworked,talkedwiththekids,didlaundry,andboughtgroceries.
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Canapersonhavejoywhilescrubbingatoilet?Canyouexperiencelovewhilespreadingpeanutbutteronasandwich?Gratitudewhenyourheadhitsthepillow?Iwasbeginningtothinkthatperhapslivingwell—inanycircumstance—mightbepossible,ifyourheartisintherightplace.
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Thecondoprojectwouldtakeseveralweekstocomplete.BridgetteandIconferredregularlyandtookacoupleofshoppingexcursionstopurchasedecor.OurcommonmissionwassoenjoyablethatsometimesIevenforgotwewereworking.
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Imagineme,laughingitupwiththeCEOofaprestigiousdesignfirm!Yetherewewere,havingaballdiggingthroughthriftshopsandantiquestoresaswesoughttreasuresforourclient’shome.
Oneday,Bridgettecalledwithsomeexcitingnews.
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“Didyouseethenewfoal?”sheasked.“Ijustcaughtaglimpseofitoutmywindow!”
“No!”Iansweredbreathlessly.“It’shere?Whatdoesitlooklike?”ThenworriedlyIinquired,“Doesitlooklikeamule?”
“Icouldn’ttell.Itwasstayingprettyclosetoitsmama.”
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Ithrewdownthephoneandranoutthedoor,grabbingGraysonbythearmasIpassedhiminthebreezeway.
“Thebaby!Maria’shadherbaby!”Ihuffed.
Nowoutside,weopenedthegateandtookoffacrossthefieldtowardthefence,withBeaujoiningintoseewhatthefusswasabout.We
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arrivedatthebackgateandclimbedontothelowestcrosspiecetogetagoodview.Leaningforwardintothesunlight,wecouldseethehorsesgrazingmidfield.Ispottedlittlelegshiddenbehindtheblackmareasshenibbledgrass.Everythingwasquietexceptfortherustleofleavesstirredbythebreeze.
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Moveaside,Maria!Wewilledhertoturn.Wecouldseeasmalltailswishingnearher,butthebaby’sformwasobscuredbyherframe.
AtGrayson’swhistle,thehorses’headscameupandturnedtowardus.Theypaused;thentheleader,alargecopperstallion,startedforward.Therestfollowed
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suit,withthemareandherbabybringinguptherear.Stillcan’tsee!
Fifteenyardsnow,nearlycloseenoughtoview.Almost...almostthere.Thegroupstoppedjustbeyondus,clumpedtogetheraroundtheirnewestmember,beforeslowlyfanningout.C’mon,c’mon...Weheldourbreath.Atlastthemarebroke
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fromthegroupandgentlynudgedthebabyatherside,asmothersoftendo...asiftourgehim,“Sayhellotothesepeople,Son.”Hetumbledforward,blinkingatusinsurprise.
Finally,ourfirstglimpseofthefoal.
Ohhoney.Justlookatyou.
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Oureyestookintheperfectionbeforeus,andweexhaled,theairpassingslowlythroughourlipsaswetookhimin.
Youlookjustlikeyourmama...andyourdaddy.
You’redarkbrown,withunmistakablemarkings.
Adistinctgraymuzzle.Softlycircledeyes.
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Earsthataremuchtoolong.
Yourmaneisallbristly.Yourtailisfunny.Yourheadisjustalittle
toobig.Darlingbaby,youarea
mule!Abeautifullittlemule.Andyourdaddyisthat
smug-lookingdonkeyinthenextpasture.
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Onelookwasallweneeded.Thestrongfamilyresemblancevanquishedalldoubt.Wehadamulebabyonourhands.AndFlashwasthefather.
Thefoal’slonglegscarriedhimtowardusbeforehesuddenlyrealizedthathismotherhadstoppedseveralfeetback.Heleapedasifhislegsweremadeofsprings
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andquicklyhoppedtoherside.Turningshylytolookatus,hiseyeswereinquisitiveandeagerinafacethatwasaperfectblendofFlashandhisladylove.
“Come!Comehere,”wecalledtothegroupastheymadetheirwaythroughthegrasstoouropenhands.Thenthefoalandhismamahungback,reluctanttogettoo
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close.Itlookedlikethebabywasjustafewdaysold,itslegsfartoolongforitsbody,butotherwiserobustandhealthy.Whatamiraclehewas!Histinytailbobbedbackandforthashedecidedtoremainoutofourreach.
Oh,hewascute.AndnowIfiguredwe’dgetavisitfromthesheriff’sdepartment,demandingthatresponsibility
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betaken.Therewasnodenyingthetruthbeforeus:Everythingontheinsideofthatbabyshowedontheoutside.Hehaddonkeybloodinhisveins,anditendearedhimtousmorethananythoroughbredbreedingcouldhave.
Weslippedtothefencewheneverwecouldtowatchhisprogressashefilledout
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andgrewintohislonglegs.Alwaysbashfularoundus,heneverventuredfarfromhismama’seyes.Flash’slaissez-faireparentingstylelefttheday-to-daycaretotheebonymarewhileheobservedfromadistancethedarlingbabythatborehismarkings.Helookedonindulgentlywhilethemuleleapedoverimaginaryobstaclesand
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kickeduphisheelswithrambunctiousenergy.Mariaseemedquitecontentwiththisarrangement,lookingaftertheneedsofhergrowingfoalwithoutinterferencefromtheopinionateddonkeynextdoor.
Everyonewhosawhimseemedtofallunderhischarm,includinghismama’sowner,whojoinedtheranks
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ofthosesmittenbysuchaperfectmule.Muchtoourdelight,hedecidedtokeephimafterall.Wecouldcontinuetoseehimanytimewewanted.
Thesummerflewbyasweworkedontheluxurycondo.BridgetteandIhadonelast
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meetingtowrapupthedetails.Wesatinherofficeamidstacksoffilesandsamplesandhercoloredmarkersandarchitecturalplans.Ifeltfortunatethatsomeoneofherprofessionalstaturewouldbewillingtotakemeunderherwingandteachmehowtotakethingsfurther.
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I’dlearnedsomuchalready:howtocreatedesignboards,howtomakepresentations,andhowtoreadconstructiondocuments.Iwaspickinguptheterms:FF&E(Furniture,Fixtures,andEquipment—myfirst!),RFQ(RequestForQuote),charette(anintensecollaborativesession),lights(windowpanes),chamfer(to
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roundoff),andingress/egress(in/out),tonameafew.IwasoutofmyleaguebuttryinghardtolookaspulledtogetherandconfidentasBridgette.
Ilookedatthepunchlistinmyhand.“TomandIwillbeon-sitewhenthechandeliergetsinstalled,”ItoldBridgette.“Ithinkthat’sthelastthingtobedone.”The
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condohadturnedoutevenbetterthanwehadhoped.Itwasthoroughlyurban-contemporary,withatouchofTexasrusticflair.Theartpiecethatgracedthemassivewallwasastunningfocalpointfortheentirespace,anditwasgratifyingtoseehowithadallcometogether.
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“Great.”Bridgettecheckedoffhernotes.Andthentherewasalittlepause.“So...Rachel,howdoyoudoit?”sheasked,returningherorangemarkertoitscaseandrestingherchininherhand.
“Dowhat?”Iwaspuzzledbyhersuddenquestion.
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“Youknow.”Sheseemedtobesearchingfortherightwords.“Howdoyou...havesuchabeautifulfamilyinthemiddleofeverythingyouaredoing?”Ilookedupandsawaseriousexpressiononherface.“Imean,youandTomhavesomuchgoingon,andyetyoumakeitseemsoeasytoloveeachother.Youhavegoodrelationshipswithyour
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kids,andyou’resoatpeaceallthetime.”
Bridgettestoppedforamomentandthenaddedslowly,“SteveandIusedtodrivepastyourhousewhenwelivedinthecottage,andsometimeswecouldseeinsideyourwindows.Italwayslookedsowarmand
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wonderfulinthere.It’smademewonderhowyou’vedoneit.”
Idroppedmypenwithaclatter,speechlessatthisrevelation.Butitwashernextstatementthatnearlymademefalloffmychair.
“Youseemsoperfect,andit’shardnottobeintimidatedbyyou.”
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Intimidated?Byme?Icouldn’tbehearingright.This,fromthebeautiful,impeccable,successfulBridgette.ThewomanIidolizedashavingitall,whocouldeatraspberryjam–toppedBrieandcrackers,balanceherbusinessandpersonallives,andstillmaintainatwenty-four-inchwaist.
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Inamomentofclarity,IrealizedthatBridgettesawallthegoodandprettypartsofmylife,notalltheuglyonesIwastryingtohide.Ihadconvincedmyselfthatshenoticedmymomjeansandouroldtruckandmylackofprofessionalpolish,soinmyinsecurityIputupawallthatprojectedIhaditalltogether.Ididn’twanther—oranyone
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else—toseemystrugglesandfailures,soIkeptheratarm’slengthandtriedtolookself-assuredandimpenetrable.Safe—fromadistance.
Thiswasmymodusoperandi:friendly,butfriendless.ExceptforPriscilla,therewereveryfewpeopleIletin.Fewsawtherealme,withmyflawsandwrinkles.ItwasapatternI’d
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startedasagawkyteenager,soinsecureandsnaggletoothedandunfashionablenexttothepopulargirlsandsuccessfulathletesinhighschool.
BackthenI’dlearnedtobefunnyandgregarious,hidingmyintrovertedselfbehindaconfidentmasksothatI’dfitinwithoutriskingrejection.Itwashistory
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repeatingitself—onlynowinsteadofcheerleaders,IsubstitutedotherwomenIdeemedbetter,smarter,prettier,andmoreaccomplished.Bridgettewasallofthosethings.Bestnottoletherseewhat’sontheinside.
Butthecharadesuddenlymademefeellonely.
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Bridgette’squestionopenedmyeyes.Ihadbeenjealousofherperfection,andallthewhileshewasenviousofmine.Yetneitheroneofuswastrulywhattheotherthought.Bothofushadfalseperceptionsbasedonourowninsecurities.Sittinghere,ourelbowsnearlytouchingonthetable,mydefensesbegantomelt,andIrealized
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somethingIhadn’trecognizedbefore:Wewerenolongerjusttwowomenfromoppositebackgrounds.Wewereinasisterhoodoffearandcomparisonthatkeptusinaplaceofmistrustandloneliness.Weheldourselvesuptooneotherandalwayscameupshort.Eachofustakingourweakestpointsandcomparingthemtotheother’s
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strongest.Eachofushidingbehindourstrengthsandwearingthemlikearmor.
“Oh,Bridgette,ifyouonlyknewthetruth—howmuchI’vestruggledtobeagoodmomandhaveagoodmarriagewiththechallengesweface.MaybeImadeitlookeasybecausethat’swhatIwantedyoutosee.Thetruthis,Ifailwaymoreoftenthan
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Isucceed.Idon’tmultitaskwell,andI’malwaysjugglingmorethanIcanhandle.Mypantsarehemmedwithducttape.Icanneverfindmatchingsocks.I’mdisorganizedanddistracted.”Isighed.“Allthistime,I’vebeenintimidatedbyyou.IwasconvincedIcouldnever
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measureuptohowsmartandcompetentandtalentedyouare.”
Vulnerable,exposed.Butfinallygenuineandreal.Ihadputmyheartoutthere,andnowIheldmybreath.Pleasedon’thurtme.
Tomyrelief,shecradleditgently.
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“Wow.”Bridgettepulledthewordoutlikesofttaffy.“Ithinkwehavealottolearnfromeachother.”Inodded,swallowingthelumpinmythroat.
“Tellmemoreaboutthatducttapetrick.”Shechuckled.“I’vegotsomepantsthatneedhemming.”
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TwilightwasfallingasBridgetteandIsteppedoutsideontotheporch.Itwastimeformetoheadhome.Thelatespringairwascoolonmyskin,belyingthewarmththatusuallyushereditselfinthistimeofyear.Icouldseethehorsesgrazingintheadjacentpasture,justafewyardsnorthofBridgette’shouse.Theirsoftnickersand
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blowingsoundstoldmetheywerethinkingaboutheadingbacktotheirownbarnforthenight.Justthen,alittlesetoflongearscameforwardtocheckoutthemovementintheyard.Littlebaby.HowIadoreyourmixed-upgenepool.
Bridgettepulledherbeadedscarfaroundhershouldersandpointedouta
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lonebloomamidthespentgreensofearlierflowers.“Lookatmylastpurpleiris.Alltheotheronesbloomedweeksago,andthisonefinallyopenedupyesterday!It’sallbyitself.Idn’titgorgeous?”
“Beautiful!”Iadmiredthefrillypetalsofthelastiris,standingsotallandproud.
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“Gottalovethelatebloomer.”Welaughed.
AndthenIturnedtoherandwhispered,“IthinkI’malatebloomer,Bridgette.IfeellikeI’mlatetoeverything...latetofiguringthingsout,latetofriendships,latetofindingmywholepurposeinlife.”Itookabreath.“But
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maybethat’sokayifwhatI’llgetintheendisaspectacularfinishlikethis.”
“Well,metoo,”Bridgettesaid.“Metoo,girl.Bettertobloomlate,thantoneverbloom,right?”
Wesmiledateachotherinthegatheringdarknessandhigh-fivedoverourheads,fingerscatchingasourhandsdropped.Howcouldithave
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takenmesolongtoseethisjewelofafriendrightundermynose?Perhapsshe’dbeenofferingherfriendshipallalong,andIwastoobusybeingstoicandself-sufficient.Tooworriedshe’ddiscovermyflawsandrejectme.Decliningthefirstandsecondoffersonaccountofthat’showIdoit.Circling,
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fearingmistreatment,butreceivingkindnessinstead.Ihadbeensofoolish.
ThankYou,God,forthirdchances,andoftentimesmore.AndforSouthernsteelmagnoliaslikeBridgette.
Shehadhelpedmeunderstandsomethingimportant.Alifewelllivedisaboutcharacter—that’strue.It’swhenwhat’sontheinside
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—love,generosity,faith,joy,andallthatgoodstuff—showsontheoutside.Butit’salsoaboutthepeoplewhoselivesyouareapartof.Thoseyouletin...thosewhomyouallowtoseeyourmostvulnerablepart—thesidethatisn’tperfect,doesn’thaveittogether,doesn’thaveeverythingfiguredout.It’s
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whenyouquitcomparingandstophidingthatyoustarttobloom.
Isawthatcharacterreallymeansnothingwithoutpeopletoshareitwith.Whenitcomesdowntoit,characterisreallyonlyasgoodastherelationshipsaroundyou.Honesty,love,generosity,andtruthmusthaveanobject,ortheyremaintheoriesrather
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thanbecomingrealitiesinourlives.Proverbs22:1says,“Chooseagoodreputationovergreatriches;beingheldinhighesteemisbetterthansilverorgold.”It’sinyourfriendships,yourcommunity,andyourfamilythatcharactermakesallthedifference.
Maybealifewelllivedisaboutwearingyourheartonyoursleeve,yourdonkeysoul
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ontheoutside,justlikeourlittlemulenextdoor,withhisdistinctlightmuzzleandsoftlycircledeyes.Hecouldn’thidehisshadypaternity,evenifhewantedto.Butbecauseofit,welovehimallthemore.Earstoobig,tailtooodd...ohdearbaby.
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It’slettingtheloveandthefear,thejoyandthesorrows,theconfidenceandtheinsecurities—allofit,everybitofit—showwithoutshame.It’sreachingoutandlearningtotrustinthekindnessthat’saroundyou,andallowingotherstoknowtherealyou.
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Andthat’swhengenuinelovehappens.Betterlatethannever.
Wearyourdonkeyheartonyoursleeve.Awell-livedlifeisanauthenticlife.
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Drought.TheyearFlasharrived,Texaswashithardbyitsworstdryspellsincethe1950s.Rancherswereforcedtoselloffherds,andfarmerslostentirecropsfromthelackofrainfall.Reservoirswerehittingrockbottom,exposingoldtiresandradiatorsintheirfissuredlakebeds.Itseemedthatoneverystreetcornerandin
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everybarbershop,coffeeshop,andconveniencestore,casualconversationwasmarkedbyweatherspeculation.
“It’stheLaNiñaeffect,”awiryranchertoldmeoverhisStyrofoamcoffeecupinthechurchfoyer.“That’swhenthecolderairandwaterinthePacificcausedrierconditionsinthecentral
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plainsandsouthwesternpartsofthecountry.Ifwecouldjustgetthatjetstreamtomove...”HeexplainedthatwhatwereallyneededwasElNiño—theoppositeofLaNiña—todumpboatloadsofrainonus.
Otherswerecertainthatsinisterconspiracieswereatwork.
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“Definitelythegovernment,”saidafriendwhowasknowntogetinsideinformationfromInternetsources.“Well,notexactlythegovernment.It’sasecretorganization,whichisrunbythegovernment,tocontrolradiofrequencywavesinordertochangetheweather.”Sheelaboratedatlengthonthehigh-altitudechemical
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vaporsintentionallycreatedbyaircrafttoalterweatherpatternsworldwide.Interesting.Whilethistheorydidn’texplainthepurposeofsuchnefariousgovernmentalinterference,itdidmakeforlivelydiscussion.
“Globalwarming,”saidanotherfriend.“Thegreenhousegasesareruining
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theplanet.JustlookatthepollutioninAsiaandyoucanseewhywearesuffering.”
Stillothersproclaimedthedroughttobetheresultofrighteousjudgment,aseriousaccusationagainstthestatethatregardsitselfasthebuckleontheBibleBelt.Thisoneseemedcurioustome.Perhapsinsteaditwasourself-righteousness—andnot
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theoutrightsinanddebaucherymoreprevalentinothergeographicalareas—thatwastoblame.Still,itwasprobablyagoodideatodosomesoul-searchinganyway.Thegovernorcalledforstatewidevigils,andpeopleeverywhereprayedforrain.Weneededitbadly.
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Flashshowedupjustasrainfalltotalswerestartingtoplummet.Bythetimewerealizedthedroughtwasn’tgoinganywhere,hewaspartofthefamily,andnomatterwhatitcostinhayandcare,hewasheretostay.
Hewastheonlyonewhoseemedoblivioustothetroublesaroundhim,andIlovedhangingoutwithhim
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asthesunwouldsetonanotheraridday.Ibrushedhissleeksummercoatandappliedflyrepellent.Pickeddirtoutofhishoovesandcarefullycleanedaroundhiseyes.ItseemedFlashsufferedfromthesameallergiesthatwedid,andhiseyeswouldgetwateryfromdustandpollen.Flash’scontenteddemeanorandquiet
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appreciationforthetendercarealwaysbroughtmeasenseofcalmasTomandIcontinuedtryingtopatchtogetheralivingandfinishraisingourkidsinthemidstoftheGreatRecession.
YouhadtohandittoFlash:Hemaintainedabusyschedule.Ifhecouldhave
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typedupadailyto-dolist,Iamcertainitwouldhavelookedsomethinglikethis:
1.Wakeupamongthecedartrees.
2.Enjoythemorningquiet.3.Wandertotheback
pasture.4.Followthetrailtothe
barnandcheckonbreakfastsituation.
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5.Eathay.6.Solveworldproblems.7.Nap.8.Checkresidentmesquite
treesforleaves.9.Finddelicateflowersto
nibble.10.Moseytofrontpasture.11.Scratchbodypartson
fenceposts.12.Socializewithneighbors
overfence.
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13.Munchontreebarkandweeds.
14.Standnearboisd’arctreeandwaitforsomeonetopickupfruitandthrowittome.
15.Bray.(Forbestresults,dothiswithoutwarning.)
16.Nap.17.Checkon“peopleactivity”
neargate.18.Loiternearbarn.
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19.Takeadirtbathinfavoriterollspot.
20.Poopindesignatedpiles.(Doseveraltimesaday,notparticularlyscheduled.)
21.Bird-watch.22.Callitaday.
Flash’sdaysweresofull,it’sawonderhefititallin.
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AftercheckingonthewaterlevelinhisbucketandfindingFlashfinishingup#2(enjoythemorningquiet)andstartingon#3(wandertothebackpasture),IpackedasacklunchandgrabbedmyearbudssoIcouldheadtoamuralproject.Tomloadedmyladdersandpaintsupplies.Hewouldspendthedayworkingwithhisfather
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onalittlesidebusinessthatbroughtinsomeextraincome.Thedaypromisedtobeaninterestingone,asI’dneverpaintedasceneonawallofaroomthathousedanindoorswimmingpoolandfeltexcitedabouttheprospect.
“Remember,LaurenandRobertandMeghanandNathanwillbehomeforthe
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weekend,”TomsaidashekissedmyforeheadthroughtheopenExplorerwindow.“Tryandwrapitupearlysowecanorderpizzaandgetamoviegoing.”
“Can’twait,”Isaid.Nothingsoundedbetterthanaweekendofcomfortfoodandhangingouttogether.Maybe
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Icouldgetthemurallaidoutandtheunderpaintingdonebytheendoftheafternoon.
Ignoringthecheck-enginelightthathadbeenlituponthedashboardforweeks,IputtheExplorerintoreverse.AloudsqueakemanatedfromthefrontendasIrolledbackward.Well,thiswasnew.Myexcitementforthedaydisappearedinaninstant.
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Ihitthebrakes,andTomandIgrimacedateachotherasoureyesmet.
Well?myfacesaid.Notimetolookatit,his
expressionreplied.Myeyesnarrowed.Ihate
thisbucketofbolts.Iknow.Heshruggedin
sympathy,palmsraised.Metoo.
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“Comearoundthehouseandparkinback,nexttotheyellowJag.”Myclient’ssultryvoiceoozedthroughtheentryspeakerastheheavyirongateswungopen.Ipulledthroughthearchesontotheexpansivepropertyandfoundaspottoparknearthefleetofvehiclesinthedetachedsix-cargarage.NomatterhowslowlyIcrept
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along,thatsqueakfromtheExplorerechoedoffthecourtyardwallsasIrattledthevehicleintoplace.Lovely.
AyellowJaguar,ablueMercedes,aHUMMER,aconvertibleBMW,andablackLexuswereneatlylinedupandpolishedintheir
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spaces.I’msogladIgotacarwashontheway—notthatitmakesmuchdifference.
Thehomeownerwasthewifeofamanwhohadacquiredhiswealthintheoilbusiness.Asweheadedforthepool,shepointedoutallthetreasuresshe’damassedfromheroverseastravels.
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“You’veprobablyneverbeentoChina,butIfellinlovewithAsianartsandcraftsandbroughtsomelargepieceshomewithme.Theycostafortunetoship,butthey’reworthit.”Hermonologuewaspunctuatedwithoddinflectionsthatfeltliketinypinpricksundermyskin,andwewereonlyminutesintotheday.
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Sheintroducedmetotheotherservicepeopleon-site:thecardetailguy,thecleaninglady,thewindowguy,thefireplaceguy.Iquicklydiscoveredthatshe’dhiredmeasmuchforconversationasforpainting.Unfortunately,Ihadnotincluded“talking”inmyestimate,soIwasquiteanxioustosticktothepart
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whereapaintbrushwasinhand.Allthekidswouldbehometonight!
Therewasnotaminutetospare.Isurveyedthescopeoftheprojectwhilelookingovermyshoulderassheusheredmealong.BecausefirstIwouldneedatourthroughtheneweastwingandindoor
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tenniscourts,apparentlytoproperlyunderstandthefeelofthehome.
Finallywereachedtheend,andIwasdismissedtobeginmyrealjob.“I’llletyougettoit,”shesaidwithawaveofherhand.“I’vegotsomeonlineshoppingtodointheotherroom.”
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Thehumidpoolroomwasalsohometoanindoorgarden.Mymuralwouldcoveroneofthewalls,togivetheillusionthatanAsian“garden”continuedonintothedistance.Crammedwithtropicalplants,moss-coveredrocks,andimportedstatues,therewasn’tonelevelspotonthefloorformyladder.Noplacetosetmytools.Dear
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me,it’slikeasaunainhere.Icouldfeelatrickleofsweatmakeitswaydownmyneck,andIknewmyworkwascutoutforme.
AsIunpackedmysupplies,itwashardtoshakethatcheck-enginelightandthehumiliatingsqueakthathadannouncedmyarrivalatthissprawlingNorthDallasmanor.Ishouldbegrateful
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forthisproject,butman!ItwastoughtofeelthankfulafterparkingnexttothatyellowJag.Andallthosecommentsthatmademefeelsubservient....Ididn’tknowwhattomakeofthem,buttheydidn’thelpmymood.Iwasirritated.
Plugginginmyearbuds,ItunedmyiPodtoworshipmusicinhopesthatitwould
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improvemyoutlook.ListeningtoChrisTomlinsing“MyChainsAreGone,”IfeltmypulsebegintosubsidetoanormallevelasIfocusedonthewordsandletthemelodywashoverme.Ipulledoutmysketches,alreadysoggyfromthehumidity,andbegantoplotthemuraldesignontothewall.
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Aroundlunchtime,mystomachwasrumblingandmyarmswereachingwhenIheardadistant,mutedpoundingonawindow.Iturnedonmyunsteadyladdertoseetheladymouthingsomethingurgenttomeandpointingtothedoorthatopenedintotheirgameroom.Iremovedmyearbudsand
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climbeddownasshewentaroundtoopenthedoortomysauna.
Isteppedintotheair-conditionedroominacloudofmoistureandcaughtaglimpseofmyselfinthemirrorabovethebar.Ohforcryingoutloud.No!Myhairwasstucktomyheadlikeagreasysquirrel,mascaracircledmyeyesandrandown
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mycheek,andagreenmustachegracedmyupperlipwhereI’dsmudgedpaint.IlookedlikeaGoth-inspiredbaglady.AndIwasprettyconfidentthatmydeodoranthadfailed.ItwasthefullpackageofAwful.
Myclient,ontheotherhand,smelledoffreesiaandoilmoney.Inhermanicuredfingerswasacatalogofthe
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latestMercedesmodels,whichshelaidopenonthetablenexttous.
“Idesperatelyneedyourhelp,”sheimplored.“Youhaveanartisticeye.Ican’tdecidewhichMercedestobuy:theclassicdark-graysedanorthehotlittleredconvertible.Whichdoyouthinkmakesthebest
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statement?”Sheblinkedatmewithherflawlessmakeupandwaited.
Ilookedbackatherwithmyraccooneyesandmydrippyhair,clenchingmypaint-coveredfingersbehindmyback.
AndIfeltaboutaninchtall.
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Iwasangry.Ifeltbelittledandsmallandungrateful.Iwassweatyandbitter.
Um,haveyaseenmyawesomevehicleoutthere?DoyoureallythinkI’mqualifiedtotellyouwhichcarmakesthebeststatement?
Howabouttheonethatdoesn’tsqueak?Yeah,thatone.Pickthatone.
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ButIpointedtotheredcoupewithmyknuckleandheardmyselfsay,“Oh,taketheredone!It’ssportyandflashyandfun!”Didmylaughsoundnaturalandlight?BecauseIreallywantedtosoundnaturalandlight.
Therestoftheconversationblurred,alongwiththefinalhoursof
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roughing-inthepainting.AsIthrewmybrushesandtoolstogethertogohome,sheinsistedthatItakeeverythingoutagaintotouchupafurniturepiecesheneededforapartythatweekend.Inmymind,itwasanotherstrangestabtoputmeinmyplaceandkeepmelongerthanIwanted.
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Squeakinghome(withoutair-conditioning,Imightadd)intheredExplorerthatmadearealstatement,IlashedoutatGodforHislackofcare.Weeksbetweenprojectsandthentogetthisone,workingforsomeonewithasenseofsuperiority?Iknewtheeconomywashurtingeveryone,notjustthefarmersandranchersandartists,butI
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expectedalittlebettertreatmenthere.Iwassickofthisrecession.Iwastiredofcuttingexpenses,beatendownbythatorangelightblinkingatme.Andmyhairstillstucktomyhead,althoughnowmattedintoacrispymess.IfeverIneededthosehighlights,itwasnow.It’sjustthattherewasneverquiteenough.Neverenough
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money,neverenoughtime,neverenoughsuccess,neverenoughofanythingtogoaround.
WhenIfinallyarrivedhome,Iturnedofftheengineandsatinthedrivewayforamoment.Flashwasatthefencetogreetme,sidesheavingasheairedupforaloudbellow.Notnow,Flash.
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Spareme.Isighedthroughpuffedcheeksbutgotoutofthecartoseehimanyway.Thekidswerewaitinginside,butIneededafewmomentstodecompress—andhey,whynotgetblastedbyadonkeyfoghornwhileIwasatit?Icoveredmyearsinanticipation.
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Flash’slipspulledbackandhisheadcameforwardashereleasedthebrayinanexplosionofsound.
HEE-haw,HEE-haw,HEE-haw!
Hesubsidedmomentarily,thenletforthagain.HEE-haw,HEE-haw,HEE-haw!
“Goodtoseeyou,too,buddy.”Myshoulderswereslumpedindefeat,butsadly
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Flashiscluelesswhenitcomestoreadingbodylanguageandpaidnoattentiontomyneedtoregroup.
Helookedexpectantlyatme,thenpointedlyatthegreenhorseapplesonthegroundnearmyfeet.Inoticedhe’dpositionedhimselfstrategicallyneartheboisd’arc(pronounced“bo-
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dark”)treejustoutsidehisfence.Mostpeoplecallthiskindoftreeahedgerowtreeorhorseappletreebecauseofitsoddlime-greenfruit,whichlooklikeoversized,pebblytennisballs.
They’rerockhardandworthlesstohumans,buthorsesanddonkeyslovethem.Flashhasperfectedtheartofeatingone,which
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requiresholdingitagainstthegroundwithhismouthwhilebitingoffahunkwithhisteeth.Hethenchewsthestickymouthful,withgreenslobberdribblingout,smackinghislipswithrelish.
Ahem.Rachel,lookatme.Yes.Nowlookatthegroundrightthere.Hecockedhis
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head,andhiseyessentinvisiblearrowstothefruit.Icouldnotmisshisintent.
Obediently,Ipickedupahorseappleandchuckeditoverthefencetohim.Itrolledtoastopnearhisfrontfeet.Hisheadlungedandhedugintoitgreedily,thejuicesquirtingoutashebitdown.Ileanedagainstthetreeandwatchedhimchewthewoody
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pulpwithhiseyeshalf-closedindelight.Hepolisheditoffintwomorechompsandimmediatelyimploredmeformore.Afreshonecrashedtothegroundwithathud,soIpickeditupandhelditjustbeyondhim.
“What?Youwantthis,huh?Huh?”
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Icouldn’thelpbutsmilealittleatFlash’sexpression.Hislipsaresonimble,Iswearhecouldpickalockwiththem.Heraisedonesideofhisupperlipandflaredhisnostril,asifheknewIwasteasinghim.Aswiftnodofhisheadtoldmetogetseriousandhanditover.
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“Okay,okay.Hereyougo.”Hetookitfrommyhandandsetitdownonthegroundwithhisteeth.Then,likethegentlemanhecouldbe,hebroughthisheaduptosaythankyou.Irubbedtheinsidesofhisearswithmyfingers,andhewasonlytoohappytoputoffeatinguntiltheattentionwasover.Ilookedaroundathisbarren
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pastureandmarveledathow
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hemanagedtothrivewithsolittlegrassgrowingfromtheparchedground.
It’sremarkable,really.Flashfindsedibledelicacieseverywhere.Heeatsweedsthatwouldinsulthorses,andhefavorsdrynativegrassesthatevencowsturnuptheirnosesat.Madeforthedesert,thedonkeyisundauntedbydrought—anaturalbrowser
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whochoosesleaves,bark,thistles,andbrushwheneasygrazingisn’tavailable.
IlovewatchingFlashsingleoutthespecificplantshelikes,nomatterhowsmall,andremovethemfromthesurroundinggrowthwiththeskillofasurgeon.Heselectsbladesofgrass,bitesthemin
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half,andeatshisfavoriteparts,likeaconnoisseurofvegetation.
Flashfindsparticulardelightintheleafyfrondsofmesquitetreesthatgrowinandaroundhispasture.Somehowheisabletoavoidthegiganticthornsashegraspsasmallbranchwithhisteeth,likeaSpanishflamencodancerwitharose.Thenhe
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slideshismouthdowntotheend,strippingtheleavesashegoesalong.You’dthinkhewaspoppingcaviarintohismouth,heenjoysitsomuch...withnaryascratchendinguponthosebiglips.
Betweenhisdailyto-dolist,hisappetiteforweedsandleaves,andtheservingsofhayinthebarn,Flashwas
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livinglikeaking.Well,Iwasgladsomebodywasaroundhere.Whatacharacter.
Withmymoodlifting,IgaveFlashafarewellkissonthenoseandjoinedthefamilyinside.LaurenandRobert;Meghanandhernewfiancé,Nathan;andGraysonallcheeredasIwalkedinthedoor.
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“Nowthepartycanstart!”Theyknewhowtomakemefeelgood,andIshedthelastvestigeofbitternessovermydayastheyenvelopedmeinwarmgreeting.
Themorningcoffeegaveoffitslife-sustainingaromaasIputteredaroundthekitchenin
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myrobe.Pizzaboxeslitteredthecounter,alongwiththedishesthathadbeenleftindisarraythenightbefore.Noneofushadwantedtomissthemoviebytakingtimetocleanup.I’denjoyacupofcoffeebeforethecrewawokeandbeforeembarkingonthecleaningeffort.
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Mycellphoneinterruptedthequietmoment.SoearlyonaSaturday?ItwasBridgette,callingfromherfamilyhomeinLouisiana,andsomethinginhervoicesoundedoff.
“What’sgoingon,Bridgette?”Iasked,andIheardhertakeashakybreathontheotherend.
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“Rachel,”shesaid.AndIknewinstantlythatitcouldn’tbegood.
“Ifoundalump.”Thewordsnooneever
wantstohear.Thewordsnooneever
wantstosay.Alump?Please,God,no.Myheartstopped,andI
reachedforthekitchencounterasmykneesbuckled.
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“No.No!What?How?Bridgette,areyouokay?”
“Theyaredoingabiopsy,andhopefullyit’snothing.It’sprobablynothing,right?ButIcan’ttellMamayetbecauseofherheartcondition,andIdon’twanttotellmykidsuntilafterIknowsomethingforsure.”Hervoicewobbled.“Ijust...Ijustwantedyoutoknow.
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You’retheonlyoneoutsidemyfamilywhoIcancallrightnow.Ineedyoutoknowwhat’shappening.Ineedyoutopray.”
Tearsoffearandanger.NotBridgette.Notmysteelmagnolia.NotthiswomanwhohadgivenFlashadifferentname,whosharedherperennialsandforgedanunexpectedfriendshipwith
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me,thegirlwhodidn’tthinksheneededafriend.Irefusedtobelieveit.
Butthecancerwasreal.Anditwasbig.Andthereweresurgeries,andchemoandradiation.Shewassick,andhertinyfiguregoteventinierasshelostweightduringhertreatment.Herhaircameoutinclumpsuntilsheshaveditalloff.
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Andthroughallofit,Bridgettewastheonewhowasstrong.TomandIbroughtchickendinnersandflowersandmadecards,butitfeltsomeagerinthefaceofsomethingthisenormous.Mostly,weprayed.Please,dearJesus.Healher.Doamiracle.Wewantedaninstantzap.Abeamfrom
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heaventotakeawaythecancerinonebigblazeofglory.
Butitseemedthathermiraclewouldunfoldinthelong,slowjourneyofmodernscienceandhospitalwaitingrooms.Herrecoverywouldeventuallybefoundinthecareofexcellentdoctorsandnursesanddrugtherapies.Intheend,wedidn’tcarewhat
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formthehealingtook,andwefeltgratefulforeachsteptowardremission.
Inthemiddleofhermonthsoftreatment,westartedanewdesignprojecttogether.IwatchedassomethinglikelightemanatedfromBridgetteinawayI’dneverseenbefore.Thereshestood,baldasabilliard,conductingmeetingsand
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drawingupplansandexecutingherdesigns.She’dclutchachairduringahotflash,peeloffalayerofclothing,wipeherneck,andjustkeepgoing.
ShesurroundedherselfwithfamilyandfriendsanddrankineveryScriptureabouthealing.ShedancedwithSteveonthejob-sitefloorandworebright,
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giganticearringsandcolorfulscarves.Itwaslikeshesqueezedallthegoodnessoflifeintoeachpreciousday.Shehadneverbeenmorebeautifulorradiant.AndIlovedherallthemore.
“Rachel,youcannotbelievehowliberatingitistobecompletelybald,”Bridgettetoldmeoneday.Thewigsthatshe’dso
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carefullyselected,andwassocertainshe’dwear,madeherscalpitch.Shesaidshefeltfakewhensheworethem.Soshedecidedtomeettheworldsanshair.“Ineverrealizedhowgooditwouldfeeltoletgoofallthatpridethatwassowrappedupinmyhair,andtojustsay,‘ThisiswhoIam.’”Shethrewherarmswideandraisedherfaceskyward,open
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andfree,thankfulforlife,andforbreathingandloving.Shegrabbedmyhandandwhispered,“Godissogood.”
Bridgette,likeFlash,foundawaytothriveinthemidstofherdrought.Itputmyproblemsintoanewperspective.BothBridgetteandFlashseemedtohavediscoveredthesecrettolivinginabundance,despitethe
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oddsagainstthem.Watchingthem,IknewIhadsomesoul-searchingtodo.
“Standwherefruitisfalling,”Iwroteinmyjournalthatsummer.Ididn’tknowwhythatphrasecaughtinmymind,butitdid.Thoseworthlesshorseapplesthatlitteredtheyard—theybecametreasurestoadonkeystuckinabarrenlandscape.
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Andtheweedsandleavesthateveryoneelseoverlooked—theyweresustenanceandlifetohim.Somewhere,somehow,inthemiddleofdrought,abundancecouldbefound.AndIhadnearlymissedit,becauseIwaslookingforeasygrazing.
IthoughtbacktotheyellowJagclient,theladywhohadeverythingmoney
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couldbuy.NowthatIwaspastfeelinglikeafeverish,greasysquirrelandhadinvestedinsomewaterproofmascara,Icouldthinkalittlemoreclearlyaboutthatwholeincident.
FromthemomentI’ddriventhroughtheimposinggateandpulledupnexttothefleetofluxuryvehicles,I’dfocusedonalltheshiny
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materialthingsinfrontofme.Iwasoccupiedwiththoughtsoforthodontia,carrepair,andthecostofhamburger.It’sgroundmeat,people.Notsteak!Icertainlywasn’tlivinginabundance,butIsuddenlyrealizedthatthewifeIsoenvied,whofelttheneedtojabthelessfortunatesateveryturn,wasn’teither.
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HadIglimpseddisappointmentinherface—there,amidherbeautifulsurroundings?Iwonderedifthestepchildrenshementionedresentedher,andifshewishedherhusbandwerehomemoreoften.Shefilledherdayswithshopping,rearranging,lunches,andparties,butbeneathitall,
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therewasfearthateverythingwoulddisappearwiththeonsetofageandwrinkles.
Shewasgraspingatalifestylethatshouldhavebroughtpeace,butinsteaditonlyheightenedherinsecurity.Peoplewhohaveenoughneverneedtopointouteveryoneelse’slack.Icouldseethatnow.Abundantlivingmustbe
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aboutsomethingdeeperandmorelastingthanabankaccount.
IheadedtothepasturewithmynotebookandBible,thistimewantingtogettotheheartofthisideaoflivinginabundance.Thedriedmesquitepodsthatswayedinthehotwindsoundedlike
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MexicanmaracasasIdustedoffthegreencampchairnearthefirepit.
Rightoncue,Flashapproachedandnuzzledmyshoulder,thenlingerednearbytokeepmecompany.Hedelvedintothesmallstandoftreesandfoundabranch,shoulderheight,thathecouldrubagainst.Workingclockwisearound
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hisframe,hescratchedeveryinchatthatlevelbeforemovingontoatallerbranchforhisheadandneck.Iguessthistimeheactuallyreadmybodylanguagethatsaid“I’mdeepinthought”andfiguredhe’dtakecareofhisownneeds.
IfeltlikethepersoninProverbs6:6whowastold,“Gototheant...considerits
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waysandbewise”(NIV).OnlyIwasgoingtothedonkey,theancientanimalwhohappenedtoshowupinmanysignificantstoriesrecordedintheBible,aswellasinthelivesofthisaveragefamilyinTexas.Wasitcoincidence?Ibegantothinkmaybeitwasn’t.Sohowwas
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itthatFlashalwayshadenough?Whatwashissecretofabundance?
MyeyesfoundHabakkuk3:17-19,whichdescribesadesolatescene:
Eventhoughthefigtreeshavenoblossoms,
andtherearenograpesonthevines;
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eventhoughtheolivecropfails,
andthefieldslieemptyandbarren;
eventhoughtheflocksdieinthefields,
andthecattlebarnsareempty...
Wow,nowthat’sdrought.Soundsfamiliar.
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YetIwillrejoiceintheLORD![emphasisadded]
IwillbejoyfulintheGodofmysalvation!
TheSovereignLORDismystrength!
Hemakesmeassurefootedasadeer,
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abletotreadupontheheights.
Clearly,theseversesaresayingthatjoyandstrengtharefoundinGod.Evenwhenthereisdrought.Despitealltheoddsagainstthem.Inthefaceofdespair.Inthemidstofyourtroubles.Okay,Icouldseethat.Buthow,exactly,doesitwork?
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Ahotbreathofwindcurledthepages,andIsmoothedthembackdown.Flashabandonedtheself-servescratchingpostandsteppedclosetomychairtosniffthebookinmylap.Iknewhecouldn’tread,buthepretendedtoanyway,hislipsmovingeversoslightlyasifformingthewords.Inudged
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himandasked,“Whatdoyouthink,Flash?Isthereananswerinthere?”
Heflappedhisearsasiftosay,“Seeforyourself.Ican’tdoyourworkforyou.”Atthis,Ipushedhisheadoutofthewaytolookforaclue—andfounditnexttothe“yet.”
“YetIwill”toldmewhatIneededtoknow.
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Imustchooseit.Imustchoosetorejoice.Imustchoosegratitude.ImustchoosetolooktoHimforstrength.Imustchoosetofindfruit.Itisamatterofmywill.
Ah.
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Thiswholeabundancethingstartswithadecisiontoseethegoodnessaroundyouandgivethanksinyourcircumstances.FirstThessalonians5:18says,“Nomatterwhathappens,alwaysbethankful,forthisisGod’swillforyouwhobelongtoChristJesus”(TLB).Itisinbeingfullypresentandfullyengagedintheactof
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gratitudethatjoycanbereleasedinandaroundyou.IntentionalthanksgivingiswhenyouhumblyreceivewhatGodgraciouslygivesyouandofferpraisetoHiminreturn,creatingagrandcircleofabundance.
Flash’sto-dolistisasimplifiedformofabundantliving.Heawakenseachmorningunderthecedarsand
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enjoysthegiftofanewday.Hemoseystothebarntoseewhathasbeenprovided.Helooksforsustenanceinunexpectedplaces.Heeatshardshipforbreakfast.Hetakesthethingsthataredisdainedbyothersandrelishesthenutrientshefinds.Heasksforhelpfromhiscommunity.Hestrategicallypositionshimselfforfruit.He
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livesinthemoment.Hepoopsconscientiously.Heisgratefulforsimplepleasures.Hechoosescontentment.
Andnoneofitisdependentonmaterialwealth,orevenhealth,asBridgetteshowedme.Shewrestledwiththefearthatcamewiththecancer,theweaknessthatfollowedthesurgeries,andtheexhaustionthatradiation
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brought.Andthroughitall,shefoundawaytoseeGod’sloveineverystepofherjourney.Shechosetotreasurethegiftsthataccompaniedthepain:thegiftsoffriendship,offamily,andofdailygraces.Sheeventreasuredthegiftoffreedomthatcamewithherlossofhair.Ifthat’snotlivinginabundance,Idon’tknowwhatis.
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“Standwherefruitisfalling”meansthis:“Positionyourselfwherethegoodstuffis.”Findthegoodnessandgetthere.Justgetthere.Becausethegoodnesscanonlycomewhenyou’restandingintherightplace....
Iwasstartingtoseethepicturenow.Allofitisadecision.Achoicetosavor
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thegraceofeachmomentandtoexperienceabundanceintheveryactofgratitude.
IsmiledasIthoughtofTomtakingmyhandintheHomeDepotparkinglotoneTuesdayafternoonandtwirlingmearoundandintoadip,fornoreasonatall.Ithoughtofthekidsandthepizzaboxes,andpilinginonthecouchtowatchmovies
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andenjoypopcornandmilkshakestogether.ThesqueakyfrontendoftheExplorerannouncingmyconspicuousarrivalattheyellowJagmansion.
ThehonorofbringingbakedchickentoBridgette,whobeathercancerinhighstyle,withherbigearringsandirrepressiblejoy.Thelaundryandthebillsandthe
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dailinessofliving,allmingledwiththesparklesofeveningfireflies,themorningcoffee,andthecampchairssetaroundafirepit,inapasturewhereadonkeylingers.
Youcanstandwherefruitisfalling.OnahotAugustday,inthemiddleofdrought,
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thereisfruitthatlookslikeworthless,hard-as-rockodditiesofnature.
Butitisso.Much.More.Thanthat.
Itisthe“yet”thatsetsjoyatopamountainoftrials,andplantsaflagoftriumphthereforalltosee.Itisthe“eventhough”thatseespasttheemptystallsanddried-upfieldsandvineswithno
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grapes,andsetsitssightsonaSaviorwhoisalwaysenough.ItisthearrowthatpointstoaGodwhoselavishgracegivesandsustainslife,andmakesourfeetdanceupontheheights.Itisthe“Iwill”thatchoosesdailygratitude,andaheartthatrejoicesinHisloving-kindness.
Itisthesecretofabundance.
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Standwherefruitisfalling.Thesecretofabundanceisinchoosinggratitude.
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Yourdonkeyisbeingapest,”Tomannouncedashewipedhisbootsonthematoutsidethekitchendoor.“Ican’tgetanythingdonewithhimlookingovermyshouldersoclosely.”
Hesteppedinsidetowashupforlunch,frustratedthathehadn’tgottenmoreaccomplishedonhisbarnremodelingproject.Hewas
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convertingtwostallsintoanenclosedworkspace,andthemorning’sgoaloflayingasubfloorhadnotendedwell.
Ifinishedmakingahamsandwichandopenedabagofchips.Ithadn’tescapedmynoticethatTomhadreferredtoFlashas“yourdonkey.”Uh-huh.It’sjustlikewhenoneparenttriestoshifttheresponsibilityfordisciplineto
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theotherparent.“Yoursonneedsagoodtalkingto.”Or“Yourdaughterexceededhertextinglimit.”It’sasubtlewayofsaying,“It’syourturntotakecareofthis.”
So,likeeverygoodparent,Igotdefensive.
“He’sjustcurious,that’sall,”Isaid,excusingFlash’sbehavior.“Youknowhehastoseeeverythingthat’sgoing
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on.Plus,you’rehisleader,andhewantstobenearyou,soweshouldcuthimsomeslack.”
Don’tgetmewrong;Ilovethatdonkeytodeath,butI’mnottakingthefallforanymischiefhepullsinthebarn.
“Well,he’snohelpwhatsoever,”Tomreplied.“Hehasn’tdonealickofworksincehe’sbeenhere,
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andnowhe’skeepingmefromdoingmine.”Hisexpressionwasoneofmockdisgust,andIdetectedindulgenceinhisvoice.Bigsofty.
Thefactis,Flash’spersonalworkethicdoesleavesomethingtobedesired.Asimpressiveashispasturetrailsare,theyareabouttheonlythinghe’s
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actuallyworkedatsincehearrivedonourdoorstep.Buteventhatjobissuspect,becauseweknowthereisfood,orwater,orarollinthedustattheendofeachofhispaths.Notexactlywhatyou’dcallanaltruisticeffort.
No,I’dsaythatFlashthinksofhimselfasmoreofasupervisorthanaworker.Hedefinitelyhasmanagement
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potential—I’llgivehimthatmuch—althoughhispeopleskillscouldusesomehelp.He’sabitofamicromanager.Andthisiswherewerunintoproblems.
Caseinpointwasthisstall-to-workspaceprojectinourbarn,wheretheonlydoorinthisopen-conceptstructureisforthetackroom.Thestallsarepartitions,andthe
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remainingareaiscoveredbutopentothepasture,givingFlashfreeaccesswheneverhewants.FlashtookituponhimselftopersonallyoverseetheentirerenovationbystandingdirectlyinTom’swayateveryturn.
HestakedouttheareabetweenTomandhistools,turninghisheadthiswayandthattoinspecteachhammer
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blowandwoodcut.Swishinghistailandsniffingtheboxofscrews,heknockedoverthedrillandsteppedonthemeasuringtape.HelappedatTom’swaterbottleanddevouredthecrumbsfromagranolabar.AndhefartedwaytoooftenforTom’scomfort.
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“Backup,Flashol’buddy.”Tompushedhimastepbackwardsohecouldreachhiscarpenter’slevel.FlashcompliedforaminutebutwassimplyincapableoflettingTomdothenextpartonhisown.Crouchedoverthefloorjoisttosecureanewbeamintoplace,TomfeltFlash’swarmbreathnearhisear.The“supervisor’s”
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muzzlehairstickledthenapeofTom’sneckashemeasured.Notsatisfiedwithhisvantagepoint,FlashinchedcloserandhunghisheadoverTom’sshoulderforanevenbetterlook.Heofferedhisopinionwithaslightshakeofhislips.Upalittlehigherontheright,heseemedtosay.
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“Hey,howamIsupposedtogetanythingdonewithyourestingyourheadonme?”TomreachedanarmaroundFlash’sneckandgavehisnosearubwiththeotherhand.“WhatIreallyneedyoutodoiscarryaloadoflumberfromthetrucktothebarn.”Atsuchaludicroussuggestion,Flashcockedhisearssidewayswithalookthat
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said,“You’rekidding,right?”Tomeasedhisbodyfrom
beneathFlash’sheadandstooduptogetsomesuppliesthatwerestoredinthetackroom.Openingthedoortothenarrowroomandsteppinginside,hefoundwhatheneededonthebackwall.
Clunk,clunk.Clunk,clunk.
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BeforeTomhadachancetoturnaround,fourhooveshadsteppedupintothespacebehindhim,theclunksechoingonthewoodfloor.
“Seriously,Flash?”Tomslowlyturned,armsupoverhisheadinthetightspot.Flash’sbodytrappedTomagainsttheshelves,hisforeheadplantedintoTom’schest.“I’mjustgettingan
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extensioncord.Youdon’tneedtocheckuponme.”HepressedonFlash’sshoulderstogethimtobackout.Therecouldbenoturningaroundinthere.He’dhavetoexitrumpfirst.
Flashdidn’tbudge.Hejuststoodthereinsilence,blinkingstraightahead.Clearly,hedidn’ttrustTom’sselectionofthetwenty-foot
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cord.Theutterburdenofhavingtomanageeverysinglemovethatoccurredaroundheremadehimsighindeepresignation.Oh,theincompetence.
“Okay,youwin.I’llgrabthefifty-footer.”Tompulledthelongercordfromtheshelfandslungitoverhisshoulder.“Happynow?”
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Reluctantly,Flashclunkedbackward,offthestep,andintotheopenbarn,knockingoveracanofpaintintheprocess.
“Somuchforbeingaserviceanimal.”Tomteasedhimwithanelbownudge,rightedthecan,andreturnedtohiswork.“You’reabsolutelyworthless.”
Aserviceanimal!Hey!
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InspiredbyTom’ssuggestionthatFlashmightbeabletocarryaloadoflumber,Iembarkedonsomeresearchtoseejustwhatadonkeycouldbecapableof.Tomysurprise,anddespiteFlash’sless-than-stellarexample,Ilearnedthatdonkeysarethenumber-oneserviceanimalontheplanet.
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Millionsofdonkeysaroundtheglobedothehardworkofhauling,plowing,carrying,milling,andpulling—jobsthatpeopleindevelopingeconomiesrelyonfortheirlivelihoods.DonkeysaretheJohnDeeretractors,thedeliveryvans,thefamilycars,theRamtrucks,andthelowlyservantsoftheThirdWorld.
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PhotosofdonkeysladenwithheavyloadsandlookingasiftheyhadsteppedfromthepagesofancientliteraturefilledmyGooglesearches.It’sasiftimestoodstillforthesegentlebeastsofburden,andforthepeopleinpoorcountrieswhosedailysurvivaldependedonthem.
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EvenhereinAmerica,donkeysarestillusedforriding,packing,andworking.
Flashhadnoideahoweasyhehaditonourlittleacreage,whatwithhissupervisorypositionandall.Itwashightimehelearnedwhathewasmadefor.
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“Mom,ourfriendBarbaraisnotdoingwell.”Meghantuckedastrayredcurlintoherloosebunandbitherlipinworry.“They’vebroughthospiceintotakecareofher.”
“Oh,I’mso,sosorry.”IknewhowdifficultthiswasforMeghanandNathan,whowerenowmarried,andtheirsmallcommunityoffriends.
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NathanhadbefriendedBarbaraseveralyearsearlierwhenshewouldregularlysitinhistablesectionattherestaurantwhereheworkedduringcollege.
Barbarawasalonely,physicallychallengedwomanwhoneededsomeonetotalktoandoccasionalhelpwitherrandsandtasksaroundherapartment.Nathan,Meghan,
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andtheirfriendshadmadethemselvesavailabletoassistherwhensheneededit.
Barbarahadnolivingrelatives,andasherhealthbegantodecline,shecametodependontheweeklyridestothegrocerystoreandcoffeeshopthatthefriendsprovided.Inashortperiodoftime,shebecameunabletoworkandwasforcedtolive
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inasmallhotelroom,nearlydestitute.Atfifty-five,Barbarahadagedbeyondheryears,andshewasunderstandablybitteroverhersituation.
“Well,she...canbedifficult,”washowMeghandescribedheronce.“Butthat’sjustBarbara.She’shadahardlife.”ItwasakindwayofsayingthatBarbarawas
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notaneasypersontolove.Shehadlonglistsofthingsshewantedhelpwith,butshewasn’talwaysappreciativeoftheassistanceshereceived.
Bynow,thegroupoffriendshadgraduatedfromcollegeandembarkedonnewcareers.Itbecamemorechallengingtomeetherneedsamidtheirgrowingresponsibilities,andBarbara
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herselfwasmorecantankerousthanever.Dailychoresbecameunmanageable.Taskslikegettingdressed,takingcareofpersonalhygiene,andpreparingmealswerenearlyimpossibleforher.
ThefriendsjuggledtheirownbusyschedulesanddidtheirbesttohelpBarbarawiththemostbasicneeds.
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Meghanarrangedhomehealthcare,scheduledsocialvisits,andevenassumedofficialpowerofattorney,allasshestartedherfirstyearasanelementarymusicteacher.Weworriedthatitwastoomuchforsuchayoungwomantohandle.
ButMeghanandherfriendswereallin.TheyhadtakenonBarbaraasa
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personalmissionofmercy—andfoundthemselveslovingthisdifficultwomanwhomtheworldhadallbutforgotten.Whenshecouldnolongergetoutofbed,thestatesteppedinandmovedhertoanursinghome.Andnow,hospicehadarrived.
MeghanbegantomakearrangementsforBarbara’simminentpassing,butthere
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werequestions.Whenapersonisawardofthestate,whotakesresponsibilityforherbodywhenshepasses?Whereissheburiedifthereisnoonewhowillvisithergrave?Whatdoyoudowithherbelongingsandpersonaltreasureswhenthereisnofamilymembertotakethem?Whowillperformafuneralforsomeonewhocannotget
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outtoattendchurch?Andwhowillcometoaserviceforsomeonewholivedinsuchisolation?
Therewasnooneelse.Thisgroupoffriends
wouldseeBarbarathroughtotheend.
Sadly,shediedasshehadlived—alone,exceptforthecompanyofthehospicenurse
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sincenooneelsecouldgetthereintime.
Barbara’smemorialservicewasheldinatinychapelonauniversitycampus.Tuckedundergiganticoaktrees,thestonestructurewashushedasahandfulofpeople—theformercollegekids—filedin.Atableinthefoyerheldcarefullydisplayedphotos
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andmementosfromBarbara’slife:herfavoritecoffeecup,thehatshelikedtowear,apoemsheloved.
Meghanhadcollectedpersonalitemsfromherhospiceroomandagonizedoverwhattokeep.Therewasnofamilymembertogiveanythingto.Norelativewhowouldtreasureamemoryorsmileatafadedphoto.There
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wasjustasmallgroupofyoungpeople—alittleoasisofloveinalifethathadbeenhard.
TomandIsatinthesecondpewandwatchedasoneofthegirlssetupafloralarrangementshe’dmade;anotherhandedoutaprintedprogram.Thenitwastimetobegin.TwoofBarbara’sfriendsledthesparse
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assemblyinsongswithaguitaraccompaniment.Thereinthatsimplechapel,“AmazingGrace”hadneversoundedsweeter,resonatingonthestonewallsandthenfadingintothewinterair.Meghangaveaeulogy,andNathanspoke.Thoughtfulwords,carefullychosen,filledwithaffirmationandhonor.
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Weweretheretoremembersomeonewhomtheworldoutsidehadalreadypassedby.Alifethathadbecomevery,verysmallattheend.Alifethat,somewouldsay,heldlittlemeaning.Butsomehow,thisassembledgroupofgrace-filledfriendshadvalidatedherexistencebyservingherinlove.Theyhadgoneoutof
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theirway,makingpersonalsacrificesandgivingofthemselves,becausetheybelievedthatservingiswhattheyweremadefor.Barbara’slife,anddeath,matteredtothem.
Amazinggrace!Howsweetthesound...
Fordaysafterward,wewentaboutourworkwithquiethearts,deeplyimpacted
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bythelovewe’dwitnessedatthesimpleserviceforthiswoman.Itfeltsacred,andwordsseemedfrivolous,unnecessary.IfilledFlash’shayrackwithhisdailyration,heldhisfaceinmyhands,andscratchedunderhischin.Heseemedtounderstandmyreluctancetotalkandsighed
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gentlyasiftofillthespacesleftemptyofmynormalchatter.
Thatsameweek,wewerestunnedtohearthenewsthattworesidentsofourtown—ChrisKyleandhisfriendChadLitttlefield—hadbeenkilledwhiletheyweretryingtohelpsomeoneinthe
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community.Ourlocalareawasgrievingthelossoftheseoutstandingmen.
Suddenlyforus,Barbara’spassingwasthrownintostarkcontrastwithKyle’sdeath.ThefamedUSNavySEALwhohadbecomeanationalherowastheepitomeofservicetohiscountry.Hisbestsellingbookandmovie,AmericanSniper,
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detailshislifeandcommitmenttofreedom.Self-sacrifice,dedication,honor...hislifewasmarkedbytheseattributes,andittouchedeveryonearoundhim,includingourownfamily.KylehadgivenacoupleoftalksatGrayson’shighschool,whichwasalsoKyle’salmamater.Kylehadinspiredthekidstobecome
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thebesttheycouldbeandtoservetheircountryunselfishly.
Wecouldn’tbelievesomeonewhohadachievedsuchgreatnesscouldbefromourobscureTexastown.Hewasjustaguyfromtheclassof1992who’dfoundwhathewasgoodat—andwentontobecomethemostdecorated
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sniperinAmericanhistory.Hewasalarger-than-lifehero.
Andnow,hislifehadbeencutshort.
ThefuneralwastelevisedfromCowboysStadiuminnearbyArlington,Texas,andwesatathomeintearsaswewatchedtheceremony.Aflag-drapedcoffin,carriedbyNavySEALs,slowlymadeits
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waytothefrontandwassetamiddozensoffloralarrangements.Thefamiliarstrainsof“AmazingGrace,”sungbycountrysingerRandyTravis,echoedthroughtheenormousstructure.Inmovingtribute,decoratedgeneralsspoke,friendsofferedeulogies,andhiswife,Taya,sharedherheartbreak.
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Thefollowingday,wejoinedtensofthousandsofmournerslinedupalongthehighwaybetweenDallasandAustintopayourrespects.Facingachillingrainandgustywinds,weheldaflagasthelongprocessionofgovernmentdignitaries,NavySEALs,policeandfiredepartments,familyandfriendsallpassedbyin
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silence.Helicoptersflewoverheadasnewscrewscapturedthescenesofenormousflagshungacrossbridgesandoverpasses,andthepeople,youngandold,whoturnedouttohonortheslainhero.
Thepassingofthesetwoindividualswithinsuchashortspanoftimecouldnothavebeenmorestriking.
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Theyweresoverydifferent...andyettherewasastrandthatconnectedthem—acommonthreadbeneaththesurfacethathauntedme.One,whowashonoredbythousands,wasrememberedforhisunparalleledservice.Theother,whowashonoredbyatinyhandful,wasrememberedforwhatshe
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couldnotgive.Oneservedmany;theotherwasservedbyafew.
Twopeople.Twofunerals.Twogiftsofservice.Itgotmepondering.Thoughonegaveandthe
otherreceived,itwasservicethatgaveeachlifemeaning.
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IneededtotalkthingsoverwithFlash,andhesensedmyreadinesstodiscusswhathadtranspired.Asamemberofabreedmadeforservice,Ifiguredhemighthavesomeinsight,despitehislackofactualexperience.PullingupachairinthebarnonacoolFebruaryafternoon,withaStyrofoamcupofcoffeeinhand,soundedlike
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justthetickettoenlightenment.
AsFlashnosedhiswaytowardmeinhopesofreceivinganappleslicealongwiththeconversation,IwasremindedofthedonkeyswhohadturnedupinmyInternetsearches—theoneswholookedlikethey’dsteppedoffthepagesofancienthistory
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books.Saddledwithloadspiledhigh,pullingheavycarts,orcarryingsun-wizenedmeninturbans,theirnimblehoovesseemedtoechothroughtimeandland—plop—rightintheOldTestament.
TheBiblerecordsdonkeysasbeingvaluableassets.(Nopunintended.)Aman’sworth,backintheday,
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wasmeasuredinland,cattle,sheep,goats,anddonkeys.Abitmorecumbersomethantoday’s“what’sinyourwallet”methodoftransactions,donkeyswereahottradecommodity,anditwasalwaysagoodideatohaveacoupledozeninyourbackpocket,sotospeak.Icanonlyimaginewomenapproachingtheirhusbands
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aboutsomenewdraperyfabric,onsaleforalimitedtime,astravelingmerchantscamethroughtown.
“Honey,itwillonlycostthreedonkeys!That’sawholedonkeyofftheregularprice!”
Twenty-fivepercentoffhasalwaysbeengreatincentivetobuy.Somethingsneverchange.
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Istartednoticingeverymentionofdonkeysinscripturaltext.Listedintermsofwealth,ceremoniallysetapart,riddenbyhistoriccharacters...donkeysarewovenintothefabricofbiblicallife.Atoolforeverydaywork,apropinanarrativestory,asymbolforroyalty.FromAbrahamtoJesus,donkeysserved.One
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evenspokeoutloud!Thedonkeywhobore
Mary,themotherofJesus,isonewhoservedincompleteobscurity.Infact,heisnotevenmentionedintheGospels.Buttheeighty-miletrekfromNazarethtoBethlehemwouldlikelyonlyhavebeenpossiblewiththehelpofasturdydonkey,andtraditiontellsusthatMary
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madetheuncomfortabletripatopthebackofonesuchanimal.IimagineMary’sbackachewasnodifferentfrommine,makingawalktothepantryforamidnightsnacknearlyimpossible,letaloneajourneybyfoottoadistanttown.Arideonthebonybackofadonkeywouldhavebeenawelcome
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alternativetoapainfulpregnantwaddlethroughthedifficultterrain.
AsIlookedatFlash,IpicturedthatChristmasdonkeyinmymind.WhenJosephsaddledhimupandtiedextrapaddingdownforMary’sride,thedonkeycouldnothaveknownhewouldbemakingthetripofalifetime.Whenhestoppedtograzeby
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thesideoftheroadandwasurgedonwardbyananxioushusband,theanimalcouldn’thaveimaginedthathisjourneywouldendinastablefilledwithholiness,angelicchoirs,obliviouscattle,andababywrappedinahandmadeblanket.Well,maybehe’dhaveguessedaboutthe“obliviouscattle”part.Imean...cattle,right?Buthecould
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nothaveknownthattheentirecourseofhistorywasturningapage,andhewaspartofit.
No.Hesimplywalked.Hedidwhatwasasked.HefollowedJosephfor
eightymiles.Hishalter,madeofroughtwine,probablyrubbedhisnoseashecarriedthecomingSaviorandHisyoungmama.Thisdonkey
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troddedalongtherockytrails,thecobblestonedroads,andthedustypathstoferrythepreciouscargothatwouldchangetheworld.
Hedidwhatdonkeysdobest:Heserved.
HowjustlikeGodtouseanotherdonkey,thirty-threeyearslater,tobringtheSavior-KingthroughJerusalemonanother
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amazingjourney.HandpickedbyJesus,thisdonkeycouldnothaveknownthatthejobforwhichhewaschosenwouldbringgraceandforgiveness.HecarriedJesusthroughtheunevenstreets,steppingcarefullyovercloaksandpalmbranches,tothefinal,climacticsceneofRedemption.
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Hailed,celebrated,famousforhisrole,thisPalmSundaydonkeyisforeverrememberedwheneverthestoryistold.
Buthedidnothingoutoftheordinary,foradonkey.
Hewalked.Hedidwhatwasasked.Hesimplydidwhat
donkeysdobest:Heserved.
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Jesus’remarkablelifewasbookendedbytwodonkeyrides.Imaginethat.Thefirsttookplaceinobscurity,toatinystableinalittletown.Itendedwithababy’scry,someswaddlingclothes,andagaggleofshepherdswhocameinfromthefieldsforaglimpseofthePromisedOne.
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ThelasttookplaceamidcheeringthrongsandagainstabackdropofPassoveranddeepsocialunrest.Itbroughtallofhumanhistorytoasingle,pivotalpointonthetimelineofeternity.Thisrideendedwithacryfromacross—“Itisfinished!”—andanemptytomb.
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Iwasstruckbythepoeticdramaofitall.AmazedbythevividrealizationthatGodusesordinarymeanstodoextraordinaryfeats.There,inthebarnwithmycoffeeandthedonkeywhothinkshe’smidlevelmanagementattheveryleast,Iwasbowledoverbytheservicetheselowliestofcreatureshadrenderedtobringaboutthisstory.It’sas
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ifGodchosetounfoldHisplanusingthemosthumbletoolsavailablesoHecouldreachhumankindwithHisgiftofgrace.
Isetmycupdownandbegantopulloutbrushes,rollers,andwoodstainsoIcouldworkonsomesignpostsweweremakingforoneofthecampusesofalargecorporation.Sometimes
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Ithinkbestwhenmyhandsarebusy.Ipositionedthepainttrayandpouredinthedarkespresso-coloredstain.
Flashwatchedmyeverymovewithinquisitiveeyes,thensteppedforwardtoinspectthecolorinthetray.Withhisnosejustabovethestain,heseemedtogivemetheokaytoproceed.Ifonlyhooveshadthumbs!(Wetake
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beingabletogivea“thumbs-up”soforgranted,don’twe?Imaginehowharditwouldbetofunctionwithhoovesforhands.Andtexting?Impossible.)
Flashapprovedthestackoffour-by-fourpoststhatwereawaitingstainandassembly,butfoundfaultwiththeropethathadtiedthemtogether,whichwas
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nowcarelesslytossedaside.Hepickeditupwithhisteethandshookitvigorouslyinfrontofme.Hewasright:Ropesshouldn’tbeleftaround,waitingforsomeonetotriponthem.Chastened,Itooktheropefromhismouth,loopeditaroundmyarm,andhungitonanail.
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Postafterpost.Itfeltlikethejobofstainingthemtookforever.ButFlashhunginthere,keepingmecompanyandofferingsilentsuggestions.Atailswishhere,aneartwitchthere.Heguzzledthelastsipofmycoffee,thensteppedontheStyrofoamcupwhenhewasthrough.Hebitoffachunkofthecupandletitdanglefrom
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hislipsincomicrelief.Ican’tsayhewasawholelotofhelpwithmyproject,butIbegantoseesomethingabouthimthatmademeunderstandthisideaofserving.
Tom’sjokingcommentwasallwrong:Flashwasn’tcompletelyworthless.
Hewasjustservinginotherways.
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FlashwasservingupsomeofthebestsermonsI’deverheard...allwithoutsayingasingleword.
Thosebiblicaldonkeys.Meghanandherfriends.ChrisKyle.Ordinarycharactersfromordinarytowns,whoseservicetoothersmadethemextraordinary.Humbleoneswhohadfoundwhatthey
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weremadetodo.Theyservedinobscurity,lookedfornopersonalglory,andsimplygaveofthemselves.
Theywalked.Theydidwhatwasasked.Theydidwhatdonkeys
andpeopledobest:Theyserved.
Intheprocessofserving,theybestowedvalueonthosetheyserved.
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Andintheactofgiving,theychangedtheworld.TheybecamepartofGod’sunfolding,amazinggrace.
IrealizedthatGodtakesregularpeople—unassumingindividualswhoarewillingtoplaysupportingroles—andusestheminHisgrandstorythat’sbeingplayedoutoneternity’sstage.Hetakesthosewhoarewillingtobe
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saddledup,loadeddown,andgiventhetaskofserving,andHeputstheminplaceswheretheirabilitiescanbestbeused.
Maybeyou’renotaskedtodosomethingnoteworthyorremarkable.Maybeyouaresimplycalledtowalkalongsidesomeoneforeightymiles.Tobeafriendtosomeonewhoneedsafriend.
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Ortodothatonekindthingthatnoonewilleverknowyoudid.Maybeit’swashinganeedywoman’slaundry.Maybeit’shelpinghershower.Maybeit’sarrangingflowersatasmallfuneralinatinychapel.Maybeit’sworkingatapostoverseas,awayfromfamilyandfriends,formonthsonend.Maybeit’schangingdiapers,
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washingdishes,helpingwithhomework,beingascoutleader,ormowinganelderlyneighbor’syard.
Thisiswhatwearemadefor.
Toserve.Tolove.Togive.AndIcouldseeitso
clearly.
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BeingpartofHisgracestorymeansallowingyourlifetobebookendedbytwodonkeyrides.Youenterandyouexit,inhumbleservice.Itmeansthatyouaredefinedbywhatyougive,notbywhatyouhave.Yourlifeismarkednotbytalent,butbycommitment.Notbybeauty,butbysturdyhoovesandawillingheart.
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“Beaserviceanimal.Youaremadetoserveinlove.”
Iwrotethewordsinmyjournal,myfingersespresso-coloredfromtheprojectIhadjustfinished.Iknewitwouldtakedaysforthestaintoworkitselfoutfromundermyfingernails.Ohwell.Iturnedmyhandsoverandraisedmypalmsupinasilentprayer.Flashsteppedforwardtosee
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iftherewasanythingediblecuppedinside,thenlookedupatmeininquiry.
“Baby,there’snothinghereforyou.”Ishookmyheadandpausedforamoment,wonderingifhe’dunderstand.“I’m...I’mgivingthesehandstoGodrightnow.”Roughandstained,smallandempty.Butreadytowork,willingto
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give.Flashnuzzledmypalmsandnoddedinagreement,hisbrowneyesuponmeandsoftearsprickedforward.Heblinkedhisdarklashes,andIputmyarmsaroundhisneck.
Thisdonkey.Thisserviceanimal.ThisGodwhowhisperedthroughhim.
“Letmeserveothersinlove,thewayIwasmadetodo.”Myprayerfloatedpast
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thecorrugatedmetalroofandgnarledtreebranchesandintothewinterskyabove.
Beaserviceanimal.Youaremadetoserveinlove.
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Therewaschangeinthewind.Notnickelsanddimesfloatingthroughtheair,becauseimaginehowmuchitwouldhurtifyougotpeltedbyrandomcoins.
No,thetypeofchangethatblewinwasdifferent.ItfeltlikeachillyMarchmorning,allgrayanddamp,whenyou’reoutsideinyourjacketwithyourfingers
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tuckedintoyoursleevesandshouldershunchedwithchindownagainstthewind.Andoutofnowhere,thereisaflickerofdappledsunlightthatfallsonyourfurrowedforehead,anditfeelswarmforatinymomentbeforeskitteringaway.DidIreallyfeelthat?OrdidIimagineit?
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No,thosecloudsaretooheavyforthesuntobreakthrough.
Butthen,abitlater,youfeelthatsunonyourfaceagain,thistimeforacoupleofseconds,justlongenoughforyoutouncurlyourfingerstotrytocatchitbeforeit’sgone.It,too,dartsaway,butyouknowyoufeltit.Youhadtosquintinthebrightness,
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andnowthereisafunnypatternontheinsidesofyoureyelidsfromtheunexpectedshaftoflight.Andeventhoughtherestofthedayisstillgrayanddampandchilly,youfeelatinybithopefulandhappyinsidebecauseyouexperiencedthosetwofleetingmoments
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(well,maybejustonebecausethefirstonecouldhavebeenyourimagination).
SuddenlyyouthinkaboutEastereggsandthefactthatyouhaven’tusedupallthefirewoodandhaven’twornyourcutebootsenoughthiswinter.Yourealizeyoushouldhaveputtulipbulbsintherefrigeratorweeksago,andit’salreadytoolateifyou
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wanttohavebloomsthisyear.TheChristmaswreaththatsomehownevergotpackedupwiththerestoftheholidaydecor(youwereokaywithleavingitoutbecauseitseemed“wintery”andnottoo“Christmasy,”andyoualsodidn’tfeellikeclimbingintotheattictoputitaway)nowseemshorriblyoutofplace.
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Springisuponus.Wecan’thaveafakepinewreathonthedoor!
Youthinkaboutallthis,eventhoughit’sjustascoldandmiserableoutasitwastenminutesago.Youcouldn’twaitforahintofsunshineandabreakinthecloudstosignalanewseason,
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butnowthatit’shere,yourealizeyouaren’tevenclosetobeingreadyforit.
That’swhatonewaftofchange(maybetwo,dependingonhowyoucountthem)cando.
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IstoodatthekitchenwindowandwatchedGraysonhitgolfballsintothefieldjustbeyondthefrontyard.Helineduphisdriver,shiftingweightbetweenfeetandtakingacoupleofshortswingstocentertheballonhisclub.Histongueworkedhislowerlipinconcentration.Hisarmsswungtheclubbackinclassicgolfform.Whack!
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Theballflewoutoverthetallgrassandintotheoaksalongthedrycreekbed.
Beau,whooncelovedretrievingballs,satinquietreposenearby,contentwithbeinganarmchairathletethesedays.Hishipsanddecliningeyesightkepthimsidelined,buthenevercomplained.BothGrayandBeauweregettingolder,but
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onlyoneofthemwasgettingbiggerandstrongerwitheachyear.Theothertooktonappingandtailwaggingasformsofexercise.GraysonreacheddownandtriedtotalkBeauintofetching,buthewasn’ttookeenonleavinghiscomfyspotonthegrasstofutilelysearchforaballinthethicket.
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“IthinkI’mgoingtosetupapracticeareaforGrayinthebarn.”Tom’svoicedriftedovermyshoulderashecameupbehindmetoseewhatwashappening.“He’sreallymotivatedtogetgoodatit,andhewantstopracticehisswingasmuchashecan.Buthe’slosingsomanyballsinthefieldoutthere,andit’sfrustratingtryingtofind
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them.”Hescratchedhischin.“I’vegotsomenettingthatwecouldhangacrosstheopening.Thenallwe’dreallyneedtodoismakealittletee-offarea,andwe’dbeset.”
Thissoundedsimpleenough,sotheboyswenttowork.Ofcourse,Flashwasonhandtooverseetheproject.Notellinghowtheywouldhavemesseditup
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otherwise.Hewatchedastheyraisedthenettingintoplaceandsecureditonthetopandsides.Halfofthethree-sidedbarnwasopenbutcoveredbythetinroof;thiswouldallowGraysontostandinside,outoftheelements,topractice.
Flashhadlittletosayabouttheproceedings,althoughwenotedhis
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agitationwhentheteeinggreenwasplacedinthecenteroftheopenarea.Apieceofplywoodcoveredwithartificialturf,itwouldmakeagoodplaceforGraysontoworkonhisswing.Flashsniffedthesurfaceandnibbledatthecornerwithhisteeth.
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“Flash,that’snotrealgrass,yousilly.”Wechuckledathimandthenbecameslightlypuzzledwhenhisfronthoofcamedownonitwithathud.Heblewhardthroughhisnostrilsandstampedonceagain.
“Hey,buddy,”Tomsoothedhim.HemovedclosetoFlashandranhishandalonghisback,thenleaned
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onhisshoulderstogethimtostepback.Tomlookedhimintheeye.“You’renottellingmeyou’reobjectingtothegolfstuffinhere,areyou?”
Flashshookhisearsasiftoshowhisindifferenceandthenturnedonhisheelandmoseyedout.Iguesshewasjusthavingsomefunwithus.
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Anxioustotryouthisnewpracticearea,Graysonawokeearlythenextmorningtogetafewswingsinbeforeschool.Howhandytohaveeverythingallsetup!Hehurriedouttothebarn.
Minuteslaterhewasback,astrangelookonhisface.“Mom,thebarnhasbeenvandalized!Youneedtocomeandseethis.”
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Ifollowedhimoutsideandstoppedinmytracksatthesight.
Theturf-coveredplywoodteehadbeendestroyed.Itwasdraggedofftotheside,dentedandcoveredwithdirt.Initsplace,someonehadclearedthelayersofloosedirtandwoodshavings,exposingthehardground.Thenettinghadbeentornononesideand
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washanginglimplyfromtheupperbeam.Anoverturnedchairlayinthecorner.Itlookedasifatornadohadblownthrough.
Butthecoupdegrâcewasrightinfrontofus.Itwasapileofdonkeypoop,smackinthemiddleofthedirtfloor.
Acallingcard,ifyouwill.Thiswastheworkofone
angrydonkey.
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Itsuddenlycametome.Ohmy.JustliketheChristmasboxes.Howcouldwehaveforgotten?Afewyearsearlier,aftertheholidays,Ihadpackedupthedecorationsandputtheboxesinthebarn’sopenareafortemporarystorage.Flashhadwaiteduntilhethoughtnoonewaslookingbeforeattackingtheboxes.Weheard
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thesoundofcardboardbreakingandthetinklingofornamentsbeingsmashedbeforewerealizedwhatwashappening.Good-bye,1989HallmarkSnoopyornamentanduntoldnumberoflights.
AndthentherewastheWorkbenchFiasco.Howquicklyithadbeenerasedfromourmemories.Butnowthatyoumentionit,who
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couldforgetthemayhemthatensuedwhenaworktablewasintroducedtothestallareabeforethebarnrenovationtookplace?Thestallwasunused.Flash’snamewasnotoverthedoor.Nobodyhadclaimtoit.Itwasaperfectlylogicalplacetosetupshopforthevariousprojectswehadgoingon.
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Thatis,logicaltoeveryoneexceptacertainlong-eared,opinionatedmemberoftheequinefamily,whoshallgounnamed.Thetablewasattheperfectheightforalarge,fuzzymuzzletosniffandinspecteverything.Oneeasyswipeofthenose,anditcouldallbeoverturnedandknockedtotheground.Thetools,thewood,the
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papers,themeasuringtape,theworkgloves.Inandout,asmoothoperationbyanexperiencedvandal.
AndhowisitthatwedidnotconsidertheNewFenceSituation?Tomtriedrepeatedlytorunanewfencearoundasmallsectionofthepastureinwhichhehadcreatedahockeytrainingareafortheteamshecoached.He
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madestationsoutofsyntheticicethathadbeendonatedtohimsotheplayerscouldpracticeshootingpucksinwhatiscalled“drylandtraining.”Hedidnotneedasix-hundred-pounddonkeywalkingacrossthesyntheticiceorpoopingininconvenientlocations.Ormovingthesyntheticicesheetsornibblingatthe
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targets.ButsomehowFlashmanagedtosneakthroughthebarricadesandmagicallyappearoutofnowhereinthecordoned-offarea.He’dnonchalantlygraze,asifnothingwereoutoftheordinary.Ifhecouldn’tstopthechangefromhappening,atleasthecouldpretenditdidn’taffecthim.
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ThentherewastheUtilityTrailerIncident,whichwewon’tgointohere,excepttoquietlymentionthatFlashdidn’tappreciatehavingitparkednearhisfavoriterollspotinthepasture.Andalsothathe“unloaded”(which,inthisinstance,means“forciblyremovedbymeansofchompinginto,dragging,and
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dumpingout”)thecontentsofthetrailertogettothebagoffeedatthebottom.
It’ssafetosaythatFlashwelcomeschange,justaslongasnothingisdifferentoralteredinanyway.
“Toomuchchangeforoneday.”Handsinpockets,Tomassessedthegolfcarnageanddeliveredhispronouncement.“Weshould
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havedonethisgradually.”Hepulledthetatteredteeplatformfrombeneaththedirttomenditandstapledthenetbackinplace.Ishoveledthe“callingcard.”Wewouldtryagain.
Nextday,samething.Teekickedandburiedunderdirt,nettorndown,rollspotcleared,chairoverturned,pooppilefrontandcenter.At
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leastFlashwasconsistent.And,apparently,regular.Oddly,healwayslookedjustassurprisedaseveryoneelseeachmorningwhenwecameintoinspectthedamage.
“Don’tlookatme,”heshruggedwithaphhhht,hislipsvibratinglikeamotorboat.Asiftherecouldbeanyoneelse.Therewasno
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remorse.Onlyaslighttwitchofhislargeearsthatbeliedhissmugclaimofinnocence.
Wecontinuedinthispatternonandofffordaysuntilthedestructiongraduallyceased.Flashneverreallylikedthegolfequipmentinthere,butafterawhilehewascontentwithmerelykickingdirtovertheteeandwalkingoveritwheneverhefeltlikeit
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toshowhisdisdainforthechanges.Hewantedeverythingtostayexactlyasithadbeen,withhimselfincontrolofhislittleworld.
AndIcouldn’tblamehim.Ifeltthesameway.
Becausethingswereshiftinginmylittleworldoutsidethebarn.Somehow,Graysongrewtallerthanme,andIwasn’tsurewhenthat
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hadhappened,exactly.Hisfeethungofftheendofhisbedatnight,andwhenItuckedhimin,Inoticedhowhisframenowfilledthefull-sizemattress.Hewouldbeheadingofftocollegesoon,andtherewereapplicationstofillout,teststotake,andlotsofnewthingstoexperience.Iwasexcitedforhimbutsuddenlyfeltuncertainabout
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whoI’dbewithoutchildrenundermycare.Mychestwasheavyandlightatthesametime.
LaurenandRobertwerehopingtostartafamilysoon,andmyheadnearlyexplodedatthethought.ItwasjustafewyearsagothatIhadgrievedoverthelossofCollinanddesperatelywantedtofillthevacancyin
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myheartwithanewbaby,andnow...nowmyoldestchildwasthinkingofhavingbabiesofherown.
Meghan,grownandmarried,wasteachingelementarymusic.Suchhappy,wonderfulchanges,butifI’dhadaboxtostomponorachairtooverturn,Imighthavedoneit.
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Ashaftofsunlightonafurrowedbrow.Fingersclenchedinsleeves,refusingtounfurl.
Ane-maillandedinmyin-box.Itwasfromacompletestranger,askingifIwouldbe
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interestedinspeakingatherchurch’swomen’sretreatinIllinois.
“I’vebeenreadingyourblog,andyourwordshavetouchedme.Iwonderifyoumightcomeandsharewithmyladiesthisfall,”shewrote.IrereaditseveraltimestomakesureIunderstoodtherequest.
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BecauseIwantedtobecertainthattheterrorIfeltwaswellgrounded.
Runwithhorses,Rachel.Runwithhorses.Orjustrun.
So,ofcourse,Iimmediatelyputthee-mailaside.Iformulatedmygraciousdecline.“Thankyouforyourlovelyinvitation,butIamcurrentlyparalyzedfrom
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theeyesdown,andI’malsobusythatweekend,andeveryotherweekend,withathing.”
Icouldneverstandupandspeaktoagroupofwomen.Rememberthedroolingandtheblackingoutinthebusinessmeeting?I’mstillnotoverit.Plus,Ihavenothingtosay.Bloggingisonething,namelybaringyoursoultotheworldfrombehind
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acomputerscreen.I’dbeenwritingonlineforyears,somethingI’dcometoloveasacreativeoutletandasawaytohelpothersfindasenseofsanctuaryintheirbusylives.Ihadnoproblemwiththat.Speakingisanotherthing,namelysharingyourexpertisewithpeoplewhoareactuallypresentintheroom,staring
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backatyouandtakingnotes.I’mprettymuchterrifiedofthat.
Thefamiliarvoicesbeganwhispering:You’reafailure.Afraud.Youdon’thaveanythingtoshareoutloud.You’retoounworthy.You’renotgoodenough.
Rememberyourname.Rememberwhoseyouare.Wait.What’syourname
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again?“Iwouldliketotalkmore
withyouaboutyourevent,”Itypedback.Notexactlyano,butalsonotayes.Anoncommittalreplymightbuymesometime.Perhapstheladywouldgoaway.
“WhenmayIcallyou?”cametheresponse.Shewasn’tgoingaway.
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“Tuesdayat10:00a.m.wouldworkgreat!”WhyIwasusinganexclamationpointwasbeyondme.WhatIreallywantedtodowasrunandhide.
FindyourrefugeinMe.YoucanhideintheshelterofMywings.
Aswebeganhavingphoneconversationsabouttheevent,Ifoundmyself
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turningtothepagesofmyjournalsandblogpostsandsortingthroughold,scribblednotes.Evenasthegroundbeneathmyfeetfeltshaky,Istartedtoseesomemessageswithinthescribbles.Aphrasehere,aScripturethere,adonkeystoryinamarginofanotebook.
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Sayyes,Rachel.Don’tletfearkeepyoufrommovingforward.Keepputtingonefootinfrontoftheother.Blazeanewtrail.
Adatewassetandairlineticketspurchased.Icommittedtoit,andtherecouldbenoturningback.Buttherewasstillregularworktobedone.Ladderstohaul,sketchestodraw,projectsto
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complete,billstopay,dinnerstomake.Thecloudsabovewerestillheavy,butIknewI’dfeltarayofwarmthonmyfacethatmademethinkanewseasonmightbeahead.OrdidIimagineit?
Theretreatwentwell,Ithought.Ihadpreparedlikecrazyformyspeakingsessionsandobsessedovermyhair.Obviously,the
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timingofroottouch-upsiscrucial.Youcannotaffordtounderplanthis.Andbecausemyhairlookedsogood,IhopeditmadeupforwhatIlackedinsmoothsentencetransitions.Ireturnedhomewithapocketfullofsweetthank-younotesandalittletasteofconfidence.Wow!
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Andtherewerebiggeropportunities.Somemonthslater,IfoundmyselfsittingacrossthetablefromatoptalentmanagerinNashville.I’dbeeninvitedtheretodiscussrepresentationandtoexploretheprospectsofstartingaspeakingtour,marketingmyart,andwritingabook.Me.Seriously?Myheadspunwithideasand
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possibilities!Whatanincredibleturnofevents.
Butthistime,Itotallybotchedit.Ididn’treturnphonecalls,missedadeadline,andavoidedmakingthecommitment.Inshort,Ichoked.“Thiswon’tworkifIwantitforyoumorethanyouwantitforyou,”thetalentmanagertoldme.AndIknewshewasright.
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It’sfunnyhowyouyearnforchange,forsomethingnew,foraluckychance,foranendtothemonotony,forlifeasyouknowittojuststop,tojustgoaway...andthenwhenthatchangecomes,youstartbackpedalingandpullingouteveryreasonyouwantthingstostaythesame.Youthinkofallthewaysyou’renotready.Youthink
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ofallthethingsyou’llmiss.Youevendothingstosabotagemovingforward.
Irememberasakidsittinginthe“wayback”seatofthefamilystationwagon,acarthatwasroughlythelengthofanoceanliner,withfauxwoodpanelingonthesides.Welovedthefactthat
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ithadautomaticwindowsandwastheperfectshadeofavocadogreen.
The“wayback”seatwastheonethatgotpulledupfromthestorageareaintherearandfacedbackward.IcanstillfeelthesensationofbarrelingtowardadestinationIcouldnotseewhilewatchingthroughthebackwindowastheroadfellaway
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behindus.Thedashedlanemarkersseemedtoemergefromsomewherebelow,allhugeandoversized,thenquicklygetsmallerandsmalleruntiltheydisappearedastinydotsintonothingness.Itfeltliketimetravel,butwithmotionsickness.Everyoneknowsit’saterribleideatorideinavehicle
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backward.Don’teventhinkaboutreadingabook,unlessyouhaveabarfbaghandy.
Butmovingtowardadestinationyoucan’tsee?Watchingthepast,whereyou’vebeen,fallaway?Evenasnewseasonsofopportunitiesandpersonalgrowthwerearoundthebend,IwantedtoholdontoeverythingIhad,everything
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I’dknown.Thislife—thisbeautiful,messylife—waschangingonceagain,andtherewassomuchIhadn’tdoneinthisseasonyet.
Grayson’slastyearsathomefeltbittersweet.Whenwe’dmovedtothisfunkybarnhouse,hewaseight.Eight!Akidwithanorthodonticapplianceandapenchantforbuildingmodel
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airplanes.LaurenandMeghanwereinhighschoolandfixatedontheirhair(Idon’tknowwheretheygotthat),choir,youthgroup,andadizzyingscheduleofactivities.Flasharrivedjustastheywereleaving,andIcametobelievehewasalittlegiftfromabovetooccupymymindandassuagethemama-ache.
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Nowthegirlshadmadeitallthewaythroughcollegeandintonewmarriages,andGraysonwasheadingofftostudyaerospaceengineering...andIcouldn’tbemoreproud.Ormorebrokenhearted.
HowmanytimeshadIwishedIcouldwalkdownthedriveway,awayfrommotherhoodandwork
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projectsandallthelaundry?HowmanytensediscussionshadTomandIhadoverhouseholdrules,chores,activities,haircuts,andhomeworkthatmademewanttorunaway?HowoftenhadIcomplainedabouttheExplorerandtheworkloadandtheburdenofshaping
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younglives,whichalwaysfeltmorelikeherdingcatsthanactualshaping?
Now,motherhoodwasfallingawaybehindme,andIwashurtlingtowardadestinationIcouldn’tsee.Agreatunknown.Iwasn’tpreparedforparenthoodtodisappearasatinydotintonothingness.Ihadn’tevenstartedtheirscrapbooksyet!
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AndIhadforgottentoshowGraysonhowtofoldfittedsheets.MyearlierconfidencethatIwouldaccomplishthesethingsbeforethekidsleftnowmademefeelawfullypresumptuous.
Andtotopitalloff,thehorsesnextdoordisappeared.Flash’sbabymama,hisdarlinglittlemule,andtherestofthegroupjustupand
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movedoffwiththeirownersomewhere.No!Ileanedonthegate,stillwiredshutfromthenightFlashhadbrokenthehinge,andscannedthefieldforanytraceofthem.Nothing.Itfeltstrangeandempty,likeonemorethinghadslippedthroughmygrasp.
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Thegateprotestedmyweightwithasqueak,asiftellingmetomoveon.ButonelookatFlash’sexpressiontoldmethatmovingonwouldn’tbesoeasy.They’dbeensuchidealcompanionsforhim,hangingtheirheadsoverthefenceandshootingthebreezewithhimeachday.NowwhowouldFlashhave?Certainlynot
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Beau,theobjectofhisunaffection.Somethingwouldhavetobedone,butIdidn'twanttoconsiderthatnow.
Apuffofwind,changeintheair.Aphonecalltocomeandspeak.Aninvitationtowriteforahigh-profileblog.Abotchedchanceatstardom.Anopportunityforourbusinesstochange.Kids
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drivingoffwithatrunkfullofbelongings.Amonthinwhichprojectstookplaceinfrontofacomputerscreeninsteadofonaladderwithapaintbrushinhand.
Stilljuggling,stillkeepingasmanyballsintheairasyoucan,becauseyouneverknowwhenyou’llneedoneofthem.Youthinkyouhaveanideahoweverything
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isgoingtoturnout,andinamomentofclarityfindoutyou’reridingbackwardandsomeoneelseisdrivingthestationwagon.Youfightforcontrol.Stompabox.Leaveacallingcard.
Andintheend,youletgo.
Suddenly,allthelessonsIhadlearnedfromFlashcamefloodingin.Refuge,
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rememberingyourname,runningwithhorses,wearingyourdonkeyheartonyoursleeve,findingyourpassion,servingothers....
Allalong,Godhadbeenquietlyteachingmethroughacharming,bucktoothed,opinionated,sweetdonkey.AndnowHewasguidingme—us—throughmorechanges.WouldIkeepkickingand
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resistanythingalteredordifferent,orwouldIlearntoapplythelessonsandadjustmyoldwaysofthinking?WouldIopenmyarmstonewexperiences,orbesofocusedonthepresentandthepastthatI’dmissthem?
Mylittlenotes,onscrapsofpaperhereandthere,werebeingchallengedtocometolife...tobecomereal.To
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takeonskinandbones,andbreatheinair,andbecomemorethancuteaxiomstapedtomydesk.IfGodwasrealandtrue,anddeeplyinvolvedwiththedetailsofmylife,thenallofthiswasforsomething.Nothingwouldbewasted.
ButonlyifIchosetoembraceanewseason.
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Flashfiguredoutthatthrowingatempertantrumanddestroyingthethingshecouldnotchangewerefutileattemptstocontrolhislittleworld.Onceherealizedthattherewasnothingtofear,andthatgoodthingscouldcomefromthechangesheresisted,hesettleddown.Helearnedthatthechanges,likethegolfandhockeyareasandthe
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workshop,broughtpeopleintohisworld.Andmorepeopleequaledmoreattention.Moreattentionequaledahappydonkey.Hejustcouldn’tseeitatthetime.Oddly,gettinghisearsscratchedmoreoftenhelpedhimcomearoundtothisdeepspiritualtruth:Changeisagoodthing.
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Muchofthetime,thechangeswefacefeellikelittlemorethannearlyimperceptiblepuffsofwind.C.S.Lewisoncesaid,“Isn’titfunnyhowdaybydaynothingchanges,butwhenyoulookback,everythingisdifferent.”Theincrementalshifts,thetinytectonicmovements,thewayyourkid’sfacelosesthatbaby
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softnessandbecomesleanandchiseled,withoutyourevennoticinguntilyouwatchhimsleeponenight.Thewayyougiveeverythingyouhavetolifeandthinkit’snothingmuchtooffer,butthereitis.Takeit.Andthewayitstartscomingbacktoyou.
Thepatternsontheinsidesofyoureyelidstellyouthesunhaspoked
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throughtheclouds,forjustamoment,andthereischangeintheair.
Youmustunfurlyourfingerstocatchthefirstrays.
Embracechange.Don’tletfearoftheunknownkeepyoufrommovingforward.
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“SorryaboutBeau.”GraysonshruggedapologeticallyandmotionedwithhisheadtothedrippingyellowLab.Islidtheglassdooropentogreettheminthebreezeway,andamuggyblastofsummerairpusheditswayinasIsteppedoutside.Beauplantedhisfeet,shakingpondwaterfromhisbodyinaviolentvibrationthatstartedathisnoseand
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endedatthetipofhisthicktail.Hesneezedandlookedupatmewithanexpressionofsheerjoy.
“Ihadhimintheboatwithme,buthejumpedintothewatertocooloffandthenwentforaswim,”Grayexplained,settinghistackleboxdownanduntyinghismuddyshoes.“Youknowhowheis.”
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“Ohbrother.Beau,you’regoingtosmellfortwodays.”Ichidedthedog,buthedidn’tseemtheleastbitconcernedwithmyscolding.Helumberedtohiswaterdishandlappedatitnoisilybeforefloppingdownonthecoolcementfloor.Hesoundedlikeaspongehittingpavement,thewatersplatteringoutwardfromhissaturatedfurcoat.
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He’sgoingtobestifffordays,too,Ithought.DearoldBeau.Butmaybetheswimwasgoodforhisarthritis.Iwashappythathehadenjoyedsomephysicalactivity—somethinghe’dalwayslovedasayoungerdog.
Foryears,Beau’spowerfulphysiquemadehimtheperfectcountry
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companion:HeregularlyracedtheExplorerupthedriveway,clockinganeasytwentymilesperhouronthequarter-mileruntothehouse.Helopedalongbytherightfronttire,pinktongueflappingfromthesideofhismouth,untilthesoundofthegasbeingappliedcausedhimtoengagehisafterburners.Headtuckedandtongue
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retracted,hismightyfrontpawspulledtheearthbeneathhim,andhismuscularhindlegspropelledhimforwardinagoldenblur.Theracealwaysendedinatie,Beaubrakingtowaghisentirebodyinexcitedwelcome.
Thedogcouldkeepfetchingstickstossedintothepondlongafteryourarmcouldpossiblycontinue
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throwing.He’dleapintothewaterwithagiantka-ploosh,swimouttothestick,pickitupwithhisteeth,andcirclebackaroundtowardshore.Sometimeshe’djustpaddlearoundthepondwiththestick,asifhewassohappytobefetchingthathedidn’tknowwhattodowithhimselfexcepttakeacoupleofextralaps.Ifyoudepletedyour
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supplyofsticks(orifyourarmgaveout,whichevercamefirst),he’dgrabagiantlogfloatinginthewaterandbringittoyou.Hisloveofwateralsomadehimanaturalhuntingdog.Hecouldsitmotionlessinaduckblindforhours,thenswimthroughicywatertoretrievefallenbirds.
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Beautookituponhimselftoguardtheentirepropertywithhisdailycircuitsalongthefencelines,hisnoseandtailworkingfromsidetoside,andmakinguseofhisbottomlessbladderbymarkinghisterritorywithboundlessenthusiasm.Hechasedoffwanderingdogsandcoyotes,scaredupbirds,andsentbunniesscurrying
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intotheirholes;butthenhewouldcomebackandgraciouslyallowthegirls’kittenstopouncealloverhimandplaywithhistail.
Beau,onehundredpoundsoffriendly,coveredinnearlywhite,sheddingfur,hadoncebeenan“outsideonly”dog,andIlikeditthatway.Butsomehow,hehadfinagledhiswayindoors
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duringthecoldestnightsofwinterandthehottestdaysofsummer...andgradually,everythinginbetween.Hiswetblacknoseandpleadingbrowneyesweredifficulttoresist,andsincehewasgoodaboutstayingoffthecarpetedareasofthehouse,weallowedhimin.
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Well,Itakethatback.Hewasn’tthatgoodaboutstayingoffthecarpetedareas.Hewasverygoodaboutstayingdownstairs—onthecarpet,ofcourse.AndhewasonlygoodaboutthedownstairspartuntiloneOctobernight,aboutayearafterwe’dmovedin.
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“Tommy,wakeup!”IshookTomawakeatthesoundofapeculiarnoisecomingfromtheotherroom.Something,orsomeone,wasmovingaroundGrayson’sbedroominthemiddleofthenight.MyhandsclutchedTom’sarm.Anintruder?Aburglar?
Weheldourbreathandlistenedamomentlonger,ourheartbeatspoundinginour
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ears.Tomslowlyslidoutofbedandcrepttothedoor.HesteppedthroughthesmallhallwayatthetopofthestairsandpausedatGrayson’sdoortopeerinside.Iheardhimletouthisbreath.
“Rachel,it’sokay,”hewhispered.“Comeinhere.”Iflippedthecoversbacktofollowhim.
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ThemoonlightfilteredthroughGrayson’swindowblinds,revealingthesilhouetteofourintruder,whowasstandingnexttothebedofourthennine-year-oldson.ItwasBeau.WithhisnosejustinchesfromGrayson’sface,hewatchedtheboybreathe,hischestrisingandfalling.In.Out.In.Out.Thetipofthedog’stail
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movedslightly,lettingusknowthathewasawareofourpresence,buthisresoluteprofiledidn’twaveraninch.
“What’sgoingon,Beau?”He’dneverchallengedourdownstairs-onlyrulebefore.Tompattedthedog’sheadandreachedforwardtostraightenGrayson’spillow.Heturnedtomeinalarm.
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“Gray’sburningup,”Tomsaid,feelinghisforeheadandpullingofftheblankets.Irantogetcoolwashclothsandmedicinetobringhisfeverdown.
Thenextmorning,atriptothedoctor’sofficeandX-raysatthehospitalrevealedpneumoniainGrayson’slungs.We’dknownthatGraysondidn’tfeelwell
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whenweputhimtobedthatnight,butwehadnoideahowserioushisillnesswas.Yetsomehow,Beausensedit.Forthenextthreenights,thedogremainedathisbedsideuntiltheantibioticsbegantoworkandtheworstwasover.Hisbuddyneededhim.
IguesswefiguredBeauhadearnedtherighttogoupstairsandsleepwherever
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hewanted.Mostly,hechosetocurluponthesmallhookedrugnexttoGrayson’sbed,rightwheretheboy’shandcouldreachdownandscratchhisblockyhead,causingthedog’sheavytailtothumpontheflooratoddhoursofthenight.
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IlookedatBeaunow,soggyandhappyfromhisafternoonswim.“Walkwithmetothebarn,”Icalledtohim.“Itwillhelpyoudryoffandkeepyoufromstiffeningup.”Hepulledhimselfup,hishindlegsreluctant,andgaveanothervigorousshakebeforeaccompanyingmetothegate.
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Liftingtheheavychainfromthenail,Ipushedthemetalgateopenandsteppedintothepasture.Thegroundwashardanddryundermyfeet,andthesparsesummergrassclungtothecrackedearthfordearlife.Beaustoppedatthefencepostandsatdown,refusingtogoanyfarther.HewasatTheLine.
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TheLinehadbeendrawnfromdayoneofFlash’sresidency,anditfollowedthefenceexactly.Thepie-shapedpastureononesideofthefencewasFlash’sterritory,withtheremaininglandontheothersidebelongingtoBeau.Madeofwoodpostsconnectedbygalvanizedwiremesh,thefenceprovidedthe
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legalframeworkforthetwoanimalstoworkwithin.Beauwasrespectinghislimits.
“Youstayonyourside,andI’llstayonmine”werethegeneraltermsofagreementthetwoabidedby.Buttherewereexceptions,suchastheselaidoutbyFlash:
1.Dogmayenterpasture
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1.Dogmayenterpasturewhenaccompaniedbyahuman.
2.Dogmaynotdrinkfromdonkey’swaterbucket.
3.Dogmaysitinbarn,butonlyifaccompaniedbyhumans.
4.Dogmaynotbark,whine,orlookappealingwhiledonkeycompleteshis
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interactionwithsaidhumans.
5.Dogisnotpermittedtomakeeyecontactwithdonkey.
Beau,forhispart,hadhisownstipulations:
1.Donkeymaynotbrayindog’spresence.
2.Donkeymustbeona
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2.Donkeymustbeonaleadatalltimeswhenoutsidepastureterritory.
3.Donkeymaynotkickorbite,butmaysniffandstandquietlyindog’spresence.
4.Donkeymaygrazeintheyard,understrictsupervisionbyhumans,andonlywhentiedtoastake.
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5.Donkeymaymakeeyecontactwithdog,onalimitedbasis.
6.Donkeymaynoteatdogfood.(Tomyknowledge,thiswasneveranactualissue,butBeaufeltstronglyabouthisfood,so...youknow.)
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“Oh,comeon,boy.”IreasonedwithhimatTheLine.“I’llberightwithyouthewholetime.It’sokay.”Atmyreassurance,Beauresumedhiswalktothebarnandsniffedoutaperfectspottositandwatchtheeveningproceedings.Tomwasalreadythere,cleaningoutFlash’sstallandputtingaflakeoffreshhayinthe
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feedingrack.“Sowhat’sthedealwith
thesetwo,anyway?”Tomaskedashesetanewbagofwoodshavingsontheground.IpickeduparakethatleanedagainsttheplywoodwallandwatchedasFlashsaunteredintocheckoutouractivity.
“Idon’tknow.Idon’tgetit,”Isaid,settingtherakeasideandrubbingFlash’s
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forehead.Clumpsofdirtandblades
ofdriedgrassclungtohiscoatfromhislastdustroll,givinghimarugged,tousledappearance.Asmuchashelikesbeingbrushedandfussedover,Imustsayhewearstheroughoutdoorsmanlookbest.
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Withanodofhishead,thedonkeydismissedBeaufromhisvantagepointinthecornerandthenpositionedhimselfdirectlyinfrontofme.TheyellowLab,hisheadlowandeyesavertedaccordingtocode,madeawidecirclepastFlashandtookaseatundertheshadeofamesquitetreejustbeyondthebarn.Hegavearesigned
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yawnandloweredhimselftotheground,settlinghisheadonhisfrontlegs.Satisfiedthatthedogwasoutofrange,Flashswishedhistailandinquiredaboutatreat.
Ipulledafewburrsfromhismaneandthensteppedtowardthetackroomtograbasmallcookiefromajarjustinsidethedoor.Animalcrackers—Flash’sfavorite.
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Heeagerlypokedhisheadin,blockingmyexitashismouthmovedinanticipation.
“Backup,Flash,”Isaid.“Youneedtobeagentleman.”Iwaiteduntilhesteppedbackward,thenopenedmypalmwiththetreatinside.Itwasgoneinaninstant,Flash’sdefttoplippickingupthecookieinaswiftmovement.Hewas
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alreadylookingformorebeforeheevenswallowedit.Iacquiescedwithasecondcookie.Okay,athirdonetoo.Butthat’sall.Imeanit.Really,Ido.Nomore,Flash.
“Ithinktheygotofftoarockystartandneverreallyrecovered,”Isaid,turningtoTom,whowasnowdumpingtheshavingsintothestall.
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“BeauisstillbentoutofshapeoverFlashtryingtokickhimthatfirstday.”
“That’salongtimetoholdagrudge,”Tomrepliedthoughtfully.“Ifindithardtobelievetheyaren’tthebestoffriendsbynow.Imean,there’sabsolutelynoreasontheycan’tgetalong.They’rebothfriendly,loyal,sweet,
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andlovable.”Hecountedtheirattributesoffwithhisfingers.
“Right,”Ilaughed,“justnottoeachother!”Ilookedatthedog,nearlydryinthelateafternoonheat.“IwonderifBeaufeelsresentfulaboutFlashtakingoverthepasture.Ithinkhewisheshehadthisareabackinhiscontrol.”
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“Well,Beaudoestakehisguarddutiesveryseriously.Rememberhowheusedtowalktheperimeteroftheentirepropertyeachday?Heneverincludesthepastureanymore.HeleavesthatpartuptoFlashtotakecareof.MaybehefeelsFlashisn’tdoingagoodenoughjob.”
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“You’dthinkhe’dbegratefultothedonkeyfortakingitoffhishands,er...paws...whatever.WithBeau’shipsbotheringhimthesedays,hecanbarelygetallthewayaroundhisownarea,letalonethepasture.It’stakinghimlongerandlongertocompletehisrounds,poorguy.”
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Ipulledtherakeacrossthecleanstallmaterialtoevenitout.Thereisn’tabettersmellthanwoodchipsandhay,mingledwithmanure,cedar,andsweetfeed.
“Flashhasn’thelpedthesituation,though,”Tomsaidwryly.Hecrumpledthebagofwoodshavingsandmovedovertothedonkey.“Mostof
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thetime,hetreatsBeaulikehebarelyexists.Imean,he’shappytoletthedoghangoutatadistance,andhedoesn’tseemtocarethatwepayattentiontohim.Butyouneverreallyseehimactfriendlywithhim,either.There’sdefinitelyawallthere.”
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“It’slikethey’reindifferenttowardeachother,”Iconcluded.“Ithinktheydecidedearlyonthattheywouldcoexistandcooperate,likehowtheytag-teamourwalks,yetnotbecomeemotionallyinvolvedwitheachother.”
Tomcockedaneyebrow.“Emotionallyinvolved?Right,Dr.Phil.Idon’tknow
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how‘emotionallyinvolved’adonkeycanbe.”JustthenFlashrubbedhisearsonTom’sarmandgavehimasoulfullook.TomwrappedFlash’sneckinahug,hischeekrestingontheknobofhishead.
“Uh-huh.Well,he’scertainlyemotionallyinvolvedwithyou,”I
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observed.“Lookathim.Helovesyou!”
“What,this?Nah,thisisjustusmessingaround.”HegaveFlashaplayfulpushtoproveit.Flashreturnedtheaffectionbyleaningbackintohim,knockingTomoffbalanceandgarneringasnickeroutofme.IcouldhaveswornFlashsmiled.
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Fromhisisolationspot,Beauwhinedinjealousy.Helovednothingbetterthanabitofroughhousing,andithurthisfeelingsnottobeinvitedtoplay.
“Whatashame.Beauissuchagreatdog,andFlashisaperfectdonkey.Thinkofallthey’remissing!Doyouthinkthereisanyhopeforfriendshipbetweenthem?”
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Beaustruggledtohisfeet,andIcouldseehewasalreadystifffromoverdoingitinthepond.Hisrightbacklegdidn’twanttocooperatewithhisforwardmotion,anditsortofhungsuspendedforthefirstfewstepsbacktothehouse.Althoughhe’dneveradmitit,roughhousingwouldhavebeenoutofthequestionanyway.
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Thatnight,BeaumadeitonlyhalfwayupthestepstoGrayson’sroom.Thelandingwouldhavetodofornow,andheloweredhimselfdownwithagroan.Backendcollapsing,frontendfollowingsuit.Blacknoseongiantpaws.Thefaintaromaofeaudepond.
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IwishnowthatLastTimeswouldcomewithbigsignsthatsay,“ThisistheLastTime.”Thenyouwouldknowthatyoushouldsavorthem,nomatterhowinconsequentialtheyare.Likethelasttimeyouputsugarinyourteabeforeyousworeoffsweets,orthelasttimeyouusedapushmower,orthelasttimeyoutuckedextra
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underwearinyourkid’sbackpack,justincase.Youmighthavestoppedtojustfeelthemoment,breatheitin,andletitgetfixedinyourmemorylikeaPolaroidphotograph.
Thelasttimeyourockedyourbabytosleep.ThelasttimeyousteppedonaLegopieceinthemiddleofthenight.Thelasttimeyou
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tastedyourgrandmother’srhubarbpie.Thelasttimeyoukissedyourfathergoodnight.Ifyouhadknownitwasthelasttime,youwouldhaveclosedyoureyesandsaidtoyourself,Imustrememberthis.Imustrememberthesmellofthiskitchenandthiscoffeeandthispie.Imustrememberthisscratchyflannelshirtandthissmellof
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OldSpice.Imustrememberthefeelofthisdownyheadonmyshoulder,andthismilkybreathandthesetinyfingerscurledaroundablankie.
You’dsay,Imustrememberthisdog,andhowhesleptonahookedrugnexttoaboy’sbed.
Instead,yourushon.Youthinktherewillbeahundredothertimes,exactlylikethis
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one,andyoulookatyourwatchormuttersomeannoyanceoranswerthephoneorbecomedistractedinsomeway.Youdon’tfixitinyourmind,youdon’tstop,andyoudon’tfeelit.Becausewhyshouldyouwhentherewillbeotherchances,andlifeissobusy,andtherearesomanythingstodo?You’llsavoritnexttime,ormaybe
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thetimeafterthatone.Youdidn’trealizeatthemomentthatthis—thiswouldbethelasttime.Itwouldn’tbecomingaroundagain.Andyoumissedit.
Imissedit.
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That’showIfeltaboutthelasttimeBeaucurledupnexttoGrayson’sbed.Ithadcomeandgonewithoutmeevenrealizingit.Graywasalmostgrown-up,anditseemedlikethelamponhisnightstandwasalwaysonmuchlaterthanmineasheworkedoncalculusequationsandphysicsproblemsforthenextday’shomeworkassignment.
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“Whattimedoyouneedtogetupinthemorning?”I’dask,alreadythinkingabouttomorrow’stasksasIkissedhisheadandpickedupsocksfromthefloor.
WhenthelandingonthestairsbecamethenewplaceBeaulikedtosleep,Ifigureditwasbecausehereceivedapatontheheadfromeverypersonwhopassedby.I
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didn’treallystoptothinkthathe’dnevermakeittothesecondflooragainandintotheboy’sroomforanothernight.Orthatsoon,he’donlymakeittotherugbythefireplacebecauseclimbingtothelandinghalfwayupthestairswouldbetoomuchworkforthosearthritis-riddenlegs.
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WhenthedaycamewhereBeauwentoutsideandsurveyedthepropertyfromtheedgeoftheyardinsteadofwalkingthefencelineandmarkinghiswholeterritory,Ineverreallyimaginedhehadpermanentlyretiredfromhissentinelduties.Lately,hesimplywatchedtheExplorermakeitswayupthedriveway,choosingtogreet
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usatthedoorratherthanmeetusontheroadandraceushome.IguessImissedthelastrun,too.
“Hey,OldGuy,”wecalledhim.Beauwashardofhearingandnotabletoseewell,buthistailstillworkedbeautifully—thump,thump,thump.Sensingasimpleturnoftheheadinhisdirection,he’dstartthumpinghistailin
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anticipationofattention.Bynow,wewereregularlyhosinghimoffoutside.Thesmellwasexactlywhatyou’dexpectfromanincontinentdog—andthat’swhenalltheLastTimesbegantodawnonus.
“Hey,OldGuy,let’sgogetthemail,”Isaid,lookingforareasontogethimupfromhisbedinthekitchen.
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“Itwillbegoodforyoutogetalittleexercise.”Ittookawhiletoconvincehimtoleavehissoftcushion,buthemanagedtomakehiswaytothedoorandoverthethreshold.ImmediatelyIcouldseethatahalf-mileround-tripwalktothemailboxwouldbetoomuch.
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“Onsecondthought,let’sjustcheckonFlash’swaterinstead.”Weswitchedcourseandturnedtowardthegate.Flashwasathissaltblock,whichsitsintheshadeofthecedartreesthatlinethefence.Histonguemethodicallyworkedoverthered-coloredbrickofminerals,hiseyeshalf-closedashelicked.Atthesoundofourfeet,he
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lookedupandimmediatelymadehiswaytowardus.HemetBeauandmeatthefencepost,wherethedogtuckedhistailandsatsidewaysonhisbestleg.
Thepassageoftimeseemedtobesofteningthedonkey’sattitudeaswellashisrules.AsIpausedtoliftthechain,heloweredhisoversizeheadtoBeau’slevel.
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Flash’sbigbrowneyesrestedonthedog’ssofteyes,nowcloudywithage,andtheyheldeachother’sgazeforalongmoment.Thedonkey’snostrilsopenedwideashegentlysniffedatthedog,whobroughthisnoseuptothewhitemuzzlethatreachedacrossthedivide.FourhoovesononesideofTheLine,fourpawsontheother.
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Twosetsofearsprickedforward.Twonoses,meetinginthemiddle.
“Well,howaboutthat?”Iwhispered.Wondersnevercease.Ieasedthegateopentostepinside,thennudgedFlashoversoIcouldopenitwideenoughforthedogtogothrough.Beauhesitated,thencrossedTheLineandturnedtothedonkey,tailslowly
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wagging.Flashgavehimanamiablenod,earsturning,eyeswelcoming,andtogetherthethreeofusheadedtothewaterbucket—atthehaltingpaceofagimpyLab.Athawhadbegun.
ForasoftenasyouwishyoucouldknowwhensomethingistheLastTime,you’llfindawaytopretendthataRealLastTimeisn’t
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one.Yearsearlier,whenI’dsaidgood-byetomygrandfather,whowasinawheelchairandsufferingfromAlzheimer’sdisease,IpretendedthatI’dbebacktothenursinghomerealsoon.Itisn’tthelasttime,Isaidtomyself.I’llbebackandwe’lltalkaboutbaseball,andhe’llshowmesomemoveshelearnedasacatcher,andwe
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willplantomakelutefiskandlefse,hisfavoriteNorwegiandelights.
Whenwelockedthedoortoourhouseinthecityforthelasttime,weactedasifweweregoingonvacation.“Didweturnoffthewater?Checktoseethatthelightswereoff?Isthebackgateclosed?Now,let’sgohavesomefunonthebeach,orinthemountains.”
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Wetriednottolookintherearviewmirroraswelefttheneighborhoodwhereourkidshadspenttheirearlychildhoodyears.“We’lltakelotsofpictureswhilewe’reaway,”wesaid,“andthenwe’llreturnandpickuprightwhereweleftoff.Everybodybuckledin?”
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Wheneachofthekidsdroveofftocollege,downthedrivewayinacloudofdust,wetriedtopretendtheywerejustgoingtothestore,maybetogetsomemilkoraloafofbread.They’llberightback,wetoldourselves,swallowingthelumpsinourthroatsandfightingbacktears.Sillytocryoveratriptothestore.Justbusy
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yourselfinthekitchenorsomething,andthey’llbebackinaminute.
Oh,whoarewekidding?Thisisthelasttime,and
thingswillneverbethesame.It’sthetruth.Ifumbleforatissueandblowmynose.Thetearsfall,andmybonesfeellikemush.Myheadhurts.Ihatefacingtherealitythatsomethingpreciousisgone.
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Ididn’tthinkIwasthetypetogrieveoveradog.Afterall,Iwastheonewhocomplainedaboutallthedoghairandallthedirtthosepawsbroughtin.Thenoseprintsontheglassdoorannoyedme.Iwassotiredofcleaningupafterhim.Andthentherewerethebigblue
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pads,linedwithplasticononeside,absorbentpaperontheother.Theleaky,elderlydogmadethewholehousesmell.ButIlovedthatdog,andIlovedhowhewaswovenintoourfamilyhistory.Ilovedthathewasalwaysthereforus.Noneofuscouldimaginelifewithouthim,andhereIwas,grievingalready.
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Whentheinevitablefinallycame,TomdugagravefortheyellowLabandsetwhitestonesallaroundtomarkit.Ididn’twatchhimdigit,andIdidn’twanttoseethefreshmoundofearth.IwantedtopretendBeauwasdownatthepondforanafternoonswim,andthathe’dbehungryfordinnerandthatI’dgrouseabouthimsmelling
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likepondwater.Buteventually,Imademywaytotheclearingunderthetreestopaymyrespectsandsaygood-bye.Grayson,Lauren,andMeghaneachdidthesame,ontheirowntimeandintheirownways.Tomcriedfordays,hetookitsohard.Mercy,Ilovethatman.
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ThenitwasFlash’sturn.Wehalteredhimupandclippedontheleadinsilence.Hewalkedreadilyalongsideus,eagerforastrollintheworldbeyondhispasture.We’dbeenworkingonimprovinghisskillsonalead,andwewerepleasedwithhisprogress.HalfwaytoBeau’sgrave,hebecameengrossedinthegrassandtookadetour
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intotheyard.Perhapshewantedtopretenditwasjustanotherpracticewalk,andnotalastgood-bye.Icouldn’tblamehim;Iknewjusthowhefelt.“Comeon,buddy.Let’skeepgoing,”Tomsaid,givingagentletugontheropebeforetheycontinuedontogether.Ifollowedquietlybehind,wantingtogiveFlashspacetotakeitin.
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Flashapproachedthecircleofstoneswithsomereluctance,thenbroughthisheaddowntosmellthenewmound.Hisdeepexhaleblewtheloosesoil,andthetinyleavesthathadfallenthereflutteredupandsettledbackdown.Ididn’texpecthimtosaymuch,andtruetoform,hedidn’t.Heblinkedandturnedhisears,thenshifted
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hisweightoffhisbackhoofandrestedit.Fromthelookofhisposture,wewouldbehereawhile.Asitshouldbe.Tomwipedhischeekwithhissleeveashesquatteddownnexttothedonkey’shead.Flashunderstood.
FlashandBeaudidn’thaveawholelotincommonexceptalovefortheirpeople—us.Maybethatwas
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enough.Enoughtopushthempasttheirpettydifferencesandmakethemsetasidetheirpride.MaybetheysensedthatLastTimeswereuponthemanddecidedthey’dbeenfeudinglongenough.
IrememberedhowBeauhadaccompaniedFlashonguarddutyinthepasturethatlastsummer.Flashkepthispaceslowfortheonce-
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powerfuldogwhoneededtoresteverysooftenbeforeproceedingon.Beaureveledinthemorningbreezesthatblewacrossthefield,histailwaggingandhisnosetakingineveryscent.Flashnibbledonthedrygrassashewaitedforhisfriendtomarkanewspotorfollowabunnytrail.“Takeyourtime,”hesaidwithhisears.Thedonkey
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neverrushedhim.Beaurepaidhiskindnessbykeepinghimcompanyatfeedingtimeandbyhumoringtheoccasionalbraysthatoncedrovehimcrazy.Heremainednearbylikeanoldcompanion,graciouslyacceptingFlash’sopinionsandofferingafewofhisown.
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Forgiveness—friendship—hadbeenlongincoming,butitarrivedjustintime.Astheyheldoneanother’sgaze,theireyessaiditall:
“I’msorryIkickedatyou.”
“I’msorryIoffendedyouwithmyexuberance.”
“Iwaswrongtokeepyouout.”
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“Inevermeanttobotheryou.”
“I’msorryIdidn’tletyoudrinkfrommybucket.”
“I’msorryIdrankoutofitwhenyouweren’tlooking.Andlickedtheedge.”
Itseemslikeit’salwaysthesmallstuffthatkeepsusapart.Thetinyinfractionsthatbecomelargerthanlifeastheyfesterovertime.Lines
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getdrawn.Sidesaretaken.Heelsdigin.“Youstayonyourside,andI’llstayonmine.”“Herearemyrules,anddon’tyoudarebreakthem.”“Thisismyterritory,andyou’dbetternotenter.”
HowoftendoIbehaveexactlyasthesetwoanimalshad—allowingmyselftobecomeoffendedoversomelittleevent...gettingangry
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oversomethinginsignificant?Justthetipoftheiceberg,Isayinwardly.Don’tgiveaninch.It’stheprincipleofthething.
Andonprinciple,Irefusetoforgive.Iwithholdlove.Judgeanother.Drawthatline.
Whatashame.ThereatBeau’sgrave,I
lookedatFlash,withhislowerlipdroopingand
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expressionsorrowful.Hishairwasstartingtothickenwiththeapproachingautumnseason,anditmadehisfacelookfuller,fatter.HewasluckythathisLastTimeswithBeauhadcomewithsigns.He’dbeenabletomakeamendsandenjoytheirremainingtimetogether.Inthatmoment,IlovedFlashmorethaneverfor
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personifyingforgivenessandacceptanceandtenderness.AndIlovedhimformourningthepassingofhisfriend.Itwentstraighttomyheart.
Ephesians4:2saysthis:“Alwaysbehumbleandgentle.Bepatientwitheachother,makingallowanceforeachother’sfaultsbecauseofyourlove.”
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Weareimperfectcreatures,allofus.Whatashametowasteourtimeontrivialdifferencesandself-maderulesratherthansavoringforgivenessandloveandenjoyingtherichnesstheybring.Weshouldtakesomeone’shand.Weshouldlookourlovedonesintheeyes.Weshouldholdagazeandsaythewords“I’msorry”
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and“Iwaswrong”and“Iforgiveyou.”Weshould.Wemust.Andwemustalsosaythewords“Iloveyou”whilewestillcan.Thistimemaybethelastchancewe’lleverhave,butwewon’tknowituntilitisgone.
Don’tmissit.
Makethingsright
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Makethingsrightwithothers.Don’tmissyourchancetoforgive,accept,andlove.
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MISSINGDONKEY.Myheartpoundedwith
anxietyasItypedthewordsandformattedtheminthebiggest,boldestfontIcouldfitonapage.ThecoffeeI’dgulpeddownearlierthatdaychurnedinmystomachasIaddedmyphonenumberandprintedofftheflyerstostapletotelephonepoles.Ishouldhaveeatenapieceoftoast,
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butthethoughtoffoodnowmademefeelsick,giventhesituation.MyhandsshookasIgatheredthepapersfromtheprinterandgrabbedmystapler.
Flashwasgone.Oh,wherewashe?Wehadnoidea.I
couldn’tbelievethishadhappened.Ourdonkeywaslost.Postingsignstonearby
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poleswastheonlythingleftIcouldthinkoftohelpuslocateFlashandbringhimhome.
Iwentoverthelasttwenty-fourhours.Weatherreportshadwarnedofovernightstorms,sowe’dspenttheeveningputtinglawnchairsinside,makingsurewindowswereclosed,andsecuringanythingwe
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thoughtmightblowaway.ThisiswhenbeingmarriedtoatrueNorthernerwithasiegementalityisexceptionallyadvantageous.
IhadputsomeextrahayinFlash’shayrackandgivenhimagood-nightpat,butIleftthestalldooropensohecouldspendthenightwhereverhewanted.Hestillpreferredthecreekbedinthe
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woodstothenoisymetalbarn,especiallyduringstorms.Bynowheknewwheretostaysheltered,andthoughIhadofferedmysensibleadvicetostayinsidethestructure,Ididn’tworryabouthim.
Aspromised,thenightbroughtgustywindsanddrivingrain.TomandIlayinbedandtriedtosleepwhile
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welistenedtotheroofmakecrackingnoisesandenduredthesoundsofbranchesscrapingthewindows.“Isn’tafitnightoutformannorbeast!”TomquippedinhisbestYukonCorneliusvoice,andwelaughedatthetime,feelinghappywe’dpreparedforit.
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Onlynowitdidn’tseemsofunny.Bymorning’slight,wehadfounddownedbranchesstrewnaroundtheproperty,trashcansoverturned,andworstofall,apasturegateblownoffitshingesintothemuddyground.Uh-oh.
TomandIclompedthroughtheblackclay,whichstucktothebottomsofour
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bootsandaddedaninchtoouroverallheights.Weputthegatebackintoplaceandsecureditwithrope.
“HopefullyFlashdidn’tnoticethegatedownanddecidetogetout.Anysignofhoofprints?”Iasked,peeringatthegroundaroundthegate.Toourrelief,wecouldn’tseeasingleone,andwebreathedaprematuresighof
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happiness.AtleastFlashisallright,wethought.Justtobeonthesafeside,wedecidedtosplitupandchecktherestofthegatesandfences.Iheadedofftowardthebarntosetoutsomemorninghayandcalledforhimtocomeforbreakfast.
ButnoFlashcame.Iwaited.Calledagain.Waitedsomemore.
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Nodonkey.“Areyousurethere
weren’tanyhoofprints?”IqueriedTominthehouse,theninsistedhegobackandinspectonemoretime.
“Nothing,Rachel,”Tomassuredme.“Butthatdoesn’tmeananything.Itwouldbejusttypical,wouldn’tit?Hoofprintsarenoindicationofwhetherhegotoutthrough
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thereornot.Thinkabouthowoftenhematerializesonthissideofthefenceinthehockeyarea.Idon’tknowhowhedoesit,butsomehowhedoes.”
Goodpoint.Inadditiontothehockeyareas,Flashwasalsofamousformakingourropebarricadesacrossthebarnopeningsquiteirrelevant.Wheneverwe
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neededFlashtomindhisownbusinessandstayoutofourway,wepulledamultilayered,crosshatchedsystemofropesacrosstheexpanseandsecuredthemwithaseriesofeyehooksandcarabiners.Toolowtothegroundtogounder,toohightogoover,toosolidtogothrough.
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Thatis,foranyoneandanythingexceptFlash.Healwaysgotthrough.
Butweneveractuallysawhimdoit.Thatwasthemystery.Wecouldbenearby,engrossedinsomebarnactivity,whensuddenlytherewasFlash.Justnonchalantlyscratchingsomeimaginaryitchwithhisteeth.Thenhe’dlookup,alllike,Ohhey,what
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areYOUdoinghere?I’mjustitchy...justscratchin’myitch.
Tobehonest,itwasalittlecreepy.
Wasthisdisappearanceanotheroneofhistricks?Wehadafulldayofworkaheadandnotimetogochasingdownanelusivedonkey.Icalledourclientandexplainedthathopefullythis
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wouldn’ttakelong;wewouldarrivejustalittlelaterthanplannedtofinishherkitchenbacksplash.Theladywasunderstanding,althoughIdidhavetorepeat,“Mydonkey,yes,that’sright,mydonkeyhasgonemissing.No,notmydoggie.Mydonkey,asinHEE-hawdonkey!”Idon’tknowwhythatwassohardtounderstand.
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Backoutside,TomandIcombedtheimmediatearea.Weworkedourwayfromthebackoftheproperty,throughtheyardnearthehouse,andintothewoodsinfront.Theproblemwith—sorry,oneoftheproblemswith—abrownish-graydonkeyisthatheblendsrightintothebrush.
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Wehadalreadylearnedfromexperienceinthebackwoodsthatyoucouldbelookingrightathimandnotseehim.Helovedtomakeuscallhimuntilwewereexasperated.Allthewhile,hewassilentlybidinghistimefromfourfeetaway,stillasastatue,andthenhe’dstartleusbymovingatfullspeed.Whoa,now!Nostrilsflared,
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withawild-eyedlook,he’dnearlyplowusover,barelyabletocontainhisexcitementforhavingpulledafastone.He’dstopshortatthelastsecond,quiveringindelight.I’vereadthatdonkeys’depthperceptionishamperedbytheirwide-seteyes,andIbelieveit.Healwaysseemedsurprisedtocomeuponussoquickly.
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Wecalledandwhistled.(Well,Tomwhistled.I’venevergottenthehangofit.)Weshookcontainersofoats.
Nothing.He’dbetternotberightunderournosesthiswholetime.I’llkillhim.
Wemetattheroadandthensplitupagain.Tomwenteast,andIwentwestalongthenarrowlane.Calling,whistling(again,notme),and
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makingenticingnoiseswithourbuckets.Aboutahalfmiledowntheroad,myphonerang.ItwasTom.
“Thisispointless.Hecouldbeanywhere.Ithinkwe’dbetternotifythesheriff’sdepartment,”Tomsaid.“Thatway,ifsomeonereportsthatthey’vefoundhim,they’llknowtocallus.”Iagreeditwasagood
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approachbutsecretlyhopedourcallwouldn’tbeansweredbyeitherofthesheriffswhowerearoundthelasttimehebustedout.Ididn’twantFlashtobetheposterchildfor“donkeyproblems.”Youknowhowpeopleliketolabeltroublemakers.
But,asfatewouldhaveit...
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“Youthedonkeypeople?”Itwasthedeputyfromthenightoftheromanticrendezvous.Sigh.Iwentaheadandexplainedoursituation.“We’llcallyouifwehearanything,”hesaid.“Don’tworry,weknowwhereyoulive.”
IknewhewaswritingthisonFlash’spermanentrecord,butwhatchoicedidwehave?
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Weneededhishelp.BythetimeIhungupthephone,thecoffeeIhaddrunkearlierwasmakingmystomachhurt.Realitystartedtohitme.
WhatifFlashnevercomesback?Whatifweneverfindhim?Whatifsomeonestealshim?Coulditreallybethat,injustafewyears’time,I’dbecomesoattachedtothislong-eared
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characterthatthethoughtoflosinghimnowbrokemyheart?Thedepthofmyemotionscaughtmeoffguard.Don’tbesilly,Rachel.He’sjustadonkey.ButIknewhe’dbecomemuchmorethanthat.
AsIgatheredupthestackofflyers,thewordsMISSINGDONKEYshoutedatme.I
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momentarilysilencedthemwithprayer.
“God,IknowYouhavemuchbiggerproblemstosolvetoday.Iknowtherearewarsandfaminesandpeoplewhohaveseriousneeds.ButwouldYoupleasehelpusfindFlash?Ilovehim.IbelieveYougavehimtousforareason.Hehasbeen
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suchablessing.Asweet,crazyblessing.Pleasebringhimhome.”
Icalledourclientonceagainandcanceledourprojectfortheday,notwantingtobeontheoppositesideofDallasifthephonerang.I’msureshecouldheartheworryinmyvoice,andshegraciouslyrescheduled.
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Astheminutestickedby,IvaguelyrememberedanaccountintheBibleaboutsomemissingdonkeys.Maybeitwouldhelptoreadit.Afteralittledigging,Ifounditinthebookof1Samuel.Isettledintotakemymindofftheworry.
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NowthedonkeysofKish,Saul’sfather,werelost.1 SAMUEL 9 : 3 , E SV
Isatupfrommycushionedslouchanddidadoubletake.Icouldinstantlyrelate.Somehow,Iknewthiswasgoingtobeagoodnarrative.
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Kish,awealthymaninIsrael,instructshisson,Saul,totakeaservantandgofindawanderingbandofdonkeys.Itprobablywasnotahugerequest.Thedonkeyswerelikelyallowedtograzefreely—and,hey,howfarcandonkeysgo,anyway?Pssh.Thisjobjustgoesalongwithbeingasonofarichguy,andmaybeKishthoughtalittle
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daytripwouldbeagoodexperienceforhim.SoSaulandtheservantstartlooking.
Theylookhighandlow,upanddownandallaround,buttheycannotfindthedonkeysanywhere.Theykeepwideningtheircircleuntilthey’vetraveledaroundtheentirearea.Eventually,theirsimpletaskhasturnedintoathree-day,grueling
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search...andstillnothing.They’veexhaustedallofthecountrysideintheirtribe’slandandprobablyaredebatingwhethertoscourtheneighboringregion.
Thiswassoundingfamiliar.
Saulfinallygivesupandsaystohisservant,“We’dbetterheadhome.I’msuremyfatherisn’tconcerned
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aboutthedonkeysanymore.Buthe’sprobablywonderingwhathappenedtous.”Somehow,IthinkSaulmayhaveaddedafewchoiceadjectivesbeforetheworddonkeys,buttheScripturewriterwiselyleavesthemout.
Theservanthasalast-minute,brilliantidea.“Hey!Beforeweleave,let’sgotothenexttownwherearevered
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prophetlives.Maybehe’llknowwherethedonkeyshavewanderedto.”
Justastheyarepassingthroughthegatesofthevillagetofindthisprophet,whoshouldbecomingtowardthembuttheverymantheyarelookingfor—Samuel.Theyareliterallyabouttobumpintooneanother.
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Itisaholyintersection.Saulisattherightplaceatjusttherighttime.Onthepreviousday,whileSaulandtheservantwerestilloutinthemiddleofnowherelookingforthosedonkeys,GodhadspokentoSamuelandtoldhimtobeonthelookoutforthissameyoung
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man.HegaveSamuelanimportanttask—toanointSaulthekingofIsrael.
Whenthetwomeet,SamuelinvitesSaultoeatwithhim,promisingtotellSaulthefollowingmorningwhatheandhisservantwantedtoknow.Andthenheaddssomethingstrange.“Bytheway...aboutthosemissingdonkeys.Someone
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foundthemandreturnedthemtoyourfather,soyoudon’tneedtoworryanymore.”
Wait.Ilookedupfromtheopenpagesandsquintedmyeyesatadistantpointinpuzzlement.IthoughttheonethingSaulwantedtoknowwasthewhereaboutsofthedonkeys.Buttheprophetjusttoldhimthey’dbeenfound.
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So...thatshouldbeallthereistoit.ItseemstomelikeSauljustlearnedthethinghewantedtoknow—thatthedonkeyshadbeenfound.
ApparentlyGodhadsomethingelseinmind.
Suddenly,itdawnedonme.Saulonlythoughtthisjourneywasaboutdonkeys.Butitwasreallyaboutsomuchmore.
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Intheseshortparagraphs,IsawthatGodusedtheproblemofroundingupabandofrenegadedonkeystoputSaulonacollisioncoursewithdestiny.GodmovedSaulfromhisownlittleworld,bymeansofafrustratingmission,intoaplaceofencounter.AplacewhereGodwasgoingtodo
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somethingextraordinary.Thisjourney,Saullearned,wasneveraboutthedonkeys.
Isatonthecouch,withmyphoneinonehandandBibleintheother,hopingsomeonewouldcallmewithFlash’swhereabouts.Buttheminutestickedbyinsilence,soIkeptreading.IthoughtmaybeIwasgettingtothebestpartandtriedtofocuson
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thewordsonthepageinsteadofthinkingaboutFlash.Outthereallalone.Withnoonetocomforthim.
Iwilledmyhearttostopitsanxiouspace.Breathe,Rachel.
Thestorywrapsupwithafinalscene.Thenextday,SamueltakesSaulasideandtellshimthetruereasonforhisrounduptask.Heanoints
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hisheadwithoil,tellshimheisgoingtobeking,andrevealswhatwillhappenonhiswayhome.HesaystoSaul,“Fromthismomenton,you’llbechangedintoadifferentperson.”Aftersomefinalinstructions,Samuelsendshimonhisway.AsSaulturnsandstartstoleave,somethingamazinghappens:Godgiveshimanewheart.
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Saul’slifewasforeverchangedinthatmoment.Hisheartwasnew.Hewasdifferent.Inthatinstant,hewentfrombeing“thattallkid”fromanobscurefamilytobeingthekingofanentirenation.Fromwet-behind-the-earsbumpkintopowerfulleader.Hemovedfromdoubttofaith,feartocourage,insecuritytoconfidence.It
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wasahistory-makingintersectionofobedienceanddestinythatallstartedwith...adonkeyproblem.
Saul’swillingnesstotakeontheunglamorousjoboffindingsomewaywardanimalsputhimintheperfectspotforSamueltofindhim.IttookSauloutofhiscomfortzoneandputhimintoaplaceofheartchange.
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Godwasworkingbehindthescenesthewholetime,orchestratingandcreating“chanceopportunities”thatledSaulstraightintohispurposeandcalling.
Hewastransformed.Lostdonkeys.God’s
purposes.Adatewithdestiny.IwonderedifGod
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mightstillbeinthebusinessofusingsuchhumblemeansforagreaterpurpose.
IfonlyIhadadonkey.Becauseminewasstill
missing.IhadfrettedwhenFlash
arrivedinourlivesasalostdonkey,andnowitappearedthathe’dleaveinthesame
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manner.Ididn’tliketheawfulironyofit.Notafterallwe’dbeenthroughtogether.
Ithoughtofhisears—thosebeautifulears.Andthewayhisnostrilsflaredwhenhewasexcitedaboutgettingasnack.Hiscrazybray,heardlessoftenthesedays,butendearinginitsearnestness.Ilovedhowhesometimesbuckedforjoywhenwe
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calledhiminfromthefieldfordinner,andhowhelikedtofollowmearoundonmyexercisewalksaroundhispasture.
Iwouldmisshimsoterriblyifhenevercameback.MymindwasalreadyplayingahighlightreelofallofFlash’sgoldenmoments,accompaniedbyGreenDay’s“TimeofYourLife.”
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Oh,thestoriesIrecalled.LikethetimeFlash
showedupinthebarnwithahaircut.Ahaircut!Somehow,someway,hismanehadbeentrimmedintoachoppymohawk.Onedayhejustwalkeduptothegatewithadifferenthairdo.
Wecouldn’timaginehowithadhappened,ormoredisconcerting,whowould
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sneakintoourpasturewithscissorstochopoffhismane.Orwhy.Whywouldsomeonegivemydonkeyspikedbangs?
Wewentoverthepossiblescenariosandsuspects.BridgetteandSteve,asfarasweknew,wereoutoftown.Weeliminatedthemrightoffthebat,eventhoughwecouldseehowthe
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importanceofgoodhair,atleastforaSouthernwoman,wouldbeamplemotivation.
Theonlyotheradjoiningpropertywasthebabymama’spasture.Perhapsmonthsofwatchingtheprettylittlemarebecomethesizeofabargehadcausedherownertonurseagrudge,whichculminatedintakingsomescissorstoFlash’smaneinan
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actofrage.Likeasubtlebutcrazedmessagetosay,“I’mwatchingyou.”Itseemedlikeastrangewaytogetamessageacross,butyouneverknow.Imean,hecouldjustcallus.We’reinthephonebook.
Maybesomescissors-happykidwanderedby,andseeingahaplessvictimacrossthefence,decided,“Why
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not?”PerhapscuttingFlash’smaneintoraggedstrokesfulfilledsomekindofdreamforhim.Itcouldhappen.
OrhadFlashhimselfhiredsomeonetocomeinandgivehimanew“metro”look?Washetiredofhishipsterhairthatsaid,“Ican’trememberthelasttimeIhadahaircut,butsincethislookisnowmainstreamwith
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donkeys,it’snotcoolanymore”?Itseemedaplausibleexplanation,givenhisloveforplaidandvinylrecords.
Coulditbealiens?Nah.Surelynot.
ItwaslikeanepisodeofUnsolvedMysteries.
Forweeks,wedraggedeveryguestouttoseeFlash’sridiculoushairdo.We
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speculatedandlaughedattheideathatsomeonewouldhavenothingbettertodothantrimFlash’smaneandthensortof“forget”totellus.Buttherehadtobesomeexplanation!
Acoupleofmonthslater,whenBridgetteandStevereturnedfromalongvacationandwewerecatchingup,Imanagedtocasuallyworkin
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thequestion,“Say,doyouknowanythingaboutFlash’shaircut?”Theydid.
Bridgette’sson,Heath,hadbeenvisitingjustbeforetheywentoutoftowntogether,andhehadgoneovertopetFlash.Flashhadrolledinaburrpatch,fillinghismanewiththethorny
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stickers.So,Heathhelpfullycuttheburrsout...aaandforgottotellus.
TheMysteryofthePhantomBarbersolved.
Itwasonlyslightlydisappointingtolearnitwasn’taliensafterall.
Butthiswasn’ttheonlymysteryFlashhadbeeninvolvedwith.Therewasalso
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theMiracleoftheBlueHoof.Thatwasthetimewhen—
Rrrrring!Justthen,mycellphone
rang.Itwasthesheriffwithsomenews.“Yes?Goon!”Somebodyhadfoundarandomdonkeywanderingaroundandhadputhimintheirpastureforsafekeeping.CoulditbeFlash?Itmustbe.Please,letitbeFlash.The
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propertywasaboutamileaway,downourtwistyroadthroughthewoods,overasingle-lanebridge,andpastacoupleofneighborhoods.
IimaginedFlashmoseyingalong,searchingforthatnextbladeofdeliciousgrass,notrealizinghewasgettingfartherandfartherfromhome.Icouldpicturehimlookingupand
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notrecognizinghissurroundings.Hemustbesoscaredandlonely!MydearFlash.IfeltasmallsparkofhopeasIlacedupmyshoesandgrabbedthetruckkeys.
ThesheriffmetTomandmeatthelocationandgaveusthat“youagain”nodofrecognition.Inoticedhehadaclipboardandwastakingnotes.IsilentlywilledFlash,
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ifindeedthiswasFlash,tobehavehimselfinthepresenceofthelaw.Icertainlydidn’twanttoseehismugshothangingonthebulletinboardofthelocalconveniencestore.
Mr.Sheriffescortedusaroundthehouseandbacktothepasturetoseeifthisstraydonkeywasours.MylegsfeltlikejellyasIheldmybreath.
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Flash!Itwashim!Hisheadwasoverthe
gate,lookingstraightatuswithhisearsprickedforward,justasifhe’dbeenwaitingtheretheentiretime.Therewerethetwotelltalescars,likechoppylinesacrosshisnose.Therewasthedeepscaracrosshischestandtheoneonhisleftshoulder.The
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smallhoovesandlong,wispytail.Thechocolate-coloredcrossonhisshoulders.Thestripedownthecenterofhisbacktohistail.Therubberylipsandeagerbrowneyes.ReliefpouredovermeasItookineveryinchofhim.
“Isthisyouranimal?”theofficerinquired,bushyeyebrowsupandpenpoised.
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“Yessir,”werepliedinunison,reachingoverthegateandcaressinghiswhitemuzzle.“Yes,thisisFlash.Thisisourdonkey.”Flashpressedhimselfcloseandcockedhisheadtothesidewitheyesclosed,clearlyhappytoseeus.
“Well,that’ssomedonkeyyou’vegotthere.”Thesheriffsmiled,putting
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thepeninhispocket.“I’lllety’alltakeitfromhere.”Heturnedtoleave,thenpausedandlookedback.“Moststraysaroundheredon’thaveanyonewhocaresenoughtocomelookingforthem.I’mgladthisonehasagoodhome.”
“Well,he’spartofourfamily,”Tomreplied.“Iwouldn’thavebelievedwe’d
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loveadonkeythismuch,buthe’sprettyspecial.”HepulledoutthehalterandleadropewhileIwrappedmyarmsaroundFlash’sneckandsqueezedhimtightly.Ilovedhisdonkeysmell—amixtureofdust,grass,sweat,andgentleness.
Withatipofhishat,thesheriffleftustothetaskofgettingFlashhome.Maybe
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he’dcomewillinglythistime.Ornot.IhavenoideahowSaul
thoughtthatheandonehelpercouldgetawholebandofwanderingdonkeyshomefromthecountryside,becauseTomandIcouldn’tgetonestraydonkeytomovetwentyfeet.Flashduginhisheelsandrefusedtocomealong.Maybehewasjustputtingon
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ashowforthehorsesontheproperty,tryingtoimpressthemwithhispowertoimpede.Maybehewasn’tdonewithhisadventure.
Whateverthecase,afteranhourofcoaxing,offeringoats,andwaitingforhimtodecide,wewereonlyastone’sthrowintoourone-milewalk.Thesunwasstartingtoset,andFlashwas
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innohurrytocooperate,despitethefacthewasbeingrescuedonceagain.
“Yourdonkeyneedsobedienceschool,”Tomsaid,adjustingtheleadropeinhishands.
“Dulynoted.”IrolledmyeyesathimoverFlash’srumpfrommypositionattherear.Ifwecouldevergethimhome,I’dlookrightintothat.
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Obviously,westillneededhelpwithourspecial,much-loveddonkey.
Thehomeownersawourpredicamentandofferedtheuseofhishorsetrailer.Slowly,weurgedFlashintoit,successfulatlast.Wedrovebackhome,andaswepulledintoourpastureandunloadedhim,wefeltanacutesenseofgratitude.Tom
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wasright.Flashwasn’t“justadonkey”tousanymore.Hewaspartofthefamily.Hewasours.And,hewasasign.Okay,maybenotasign,butareminderofsomething.AreminderofGod’sprovidenceandcare.
IwatchedFlashpauseandtakeinthesceneofhisfamiliarpasture.Hebreathedtheairandsniffedthe
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wildflowers.Henibbledonthetendershootsofgrassthatpokedupfromthemoistground,givingadeepsighashislipsfoundthenextbite.Despitehisreluctancetotravel,Flashwasgladtobebackwherehebelonged.Safewithinourcareonceagain.Ilingerednearhimandraisedasilentprayerofthanks.
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Thenithitme.HowmanytimeshadIstoodinthemiddleofthisveryfieldandtalkedtoGod?HowmanytimeshadIaskedforhelp?Lookedupintheskyandprayedforasign?HowmanytimeshadIsearchedScriptureforamessagethatwouldmeetmyneed?AndhowoftenhadGodletmygazefallbackuponthisstray
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donkeyandgivenmeapictureofHisgraceandloveandguidance?ThislostdonkeyhadbroughtmetoaplaceofencounterwithHimmoretimesthanIcouldcount.
Asaresult,Iwasdifferent.Myhearthadbeentransformed.Mylifewaschanged.
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IclosedmyeyesforamomentandthoughtaboutSaulandhowaproblemwithdonkeyshadbroughthimtohisdestiny.AndIwonderedaboutallthe“donkeyproblems”Ifacedinlife.ThetimesIthought,IfIcanjustfigureoutwhatI’mgoodat,or,IfIcouldjustchangethisrelationship,or,IfIcouldmakeawholegobofmoney.
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IrealizedhowoftenImadethemistakeofthinkingthatfixingthingswaswhatthejourneywasallabout.IfIcanonly“findthesedonkeys,”solvetheissue,andgetpastthisproblem,everythingwillworkout.I’llgobacktomynormallifeinmylittletowninobscurityandlivehappilyeverafter.
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Maybewealldothis.Wewanderalloverthefigurativecountrysidetryingtosolveourdonkeyproblems.Ourfinancialsetbacks.Ourhurtingmarriages.Ourparentingissues.Oursoul-killingjobs.Rockyrelationships.Illhealth.Insecurities.Fears.Doubts.Webegintothinkwe’reonahopelessmissionandthereis
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noendinsight.Wefeellikewehavefailed.Wethinkweareinsignificant.WethinkGoddoesnotseeornoticeus.Webecomefrustratedwiththetask.
Butwhatwedon’trealizeisthat,evenwhilewe’reoutthereinthemiddleofNowherevillelikeSaulwas,Godhasalreadybeenat
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work.Infact,Nowherevilleisjustwherewearesupposedtobe.
Istartedtoseethatallofourdonkeyproblems,ourhardsituations,aretheverythingsGodusestogetustoaplaceofencounter.Aplacewhereourheartsaremadenew.LikeSaul,we’vecometotheendofeverythingwecanthinkoftodo,andwe’ve
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givenup.Andthenwegiveitonelastchance,onemoreshot,andboom.That’sthemomentGodshowsup.Whenwe’reoutofourcomfortzones,haveusedupallofourresources,andareattheendofallhope.
That’sexactlytheplacewhereHemeetsus.That’sjustwhereHe’dmetmesomanytimesbefore.AndI
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suddenlyknewthatitwasthroughmycircumstancesthatGodhadchangedme.I’dgonefromastarry-eyeddreamertoawiser,seasonedwomanwhowasn’tafraidofhardworkandovercomingobstacles.IwentfromfearoffailingtoconfidenceinHisgrace.FromonewhosimplyreadaboutGod’sstrengthinweaknesstoonewho
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experienceditfirsthand.Fromsomeonewhodespisedthestrugglestoonewhoembracedthelessonsfoundinthem.AllthesituationsItriedtofixweresimplyHismeanstogetmetowhereHewantedmetobe.
IsteppedclosetoFlashandleanedmyweightonhisshoulders,myarmscrossed
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andchinrestingonmyhands.“Hey,DonkeyBoy.MyFlashy.”
Hebroughthisheadupandturnedtoacknowledgeme,hisearsswingingaroundatthesoundofmywhisper.ThesinkingsunmadehiseyeslookwarmandunderstandingasIstrokedhissmoothbrowncoatandtracedthedarkcrossonhisback
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withmyfinger.Hismaneruffledinthebreeze,thecoarsemulticoloredhairticklingmyarmasIcircledhisneckonemoretime.Flashblewsoftlythroughhislipsinacontentedppphhhfff.
Thisjourneyisneveraboutlostdonkeys.Instead,it’salwaysaboutheartchange.It’sabout
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transformation.It’saboutGodshowingupandmakingusnew.
Lostdonkeys.God’spurposes.Adatewithdestiny.
Yourjourneyisn’taboutfixingdonkeyproblems.It’sabouttransformation.
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WehadnearlylostFlash,thedonkeywhohadenteredourlivesasastraydiversioninourbusy,overwhelmedworld.
Whew.I’msogladhe’sbackhome!
Feelinggratitudeallthewaydowntomytoes,Imadesurethepasturegatewasclosedandthechainwassecured.Flashhadbeen
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followingmyeverymovesincewereturnedandnowpokedhisnoseoverthetoprungofthegateforapartingkiss.Ilaughedatthewayhisbottomlipjuttedtothesideasherestedhischinonthegateandgavemethatirresistibledonkeygaze.Youknow,theonethatimplores
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youforjustabitmoreattention—andapossiblelasthandout.
“Sillyboy.”Ileanedforwardandpressedmylipstohissoftmuzzleandpattedthesweetspotonhisnose.“Goon,now.”Heswunghisheadupandpaused,turninghisearstowardmejustincaseI’dchangemymind
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aboutleaving.Thenheswishedhistailandmoseyedtowardthewoods.
Backinsidethehouse,Imadeabeelineformyoffice.Igrabbedthestackof“MissingDonkey”flyersI’dmade,crumpledthem,andthrewthewaddedpapersaway.Justforgoodmeasure,Iknottedthetrashbaganddroveittotheendofthe
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driveway,eventhoughitwasawholedaybeforethegarbagecollection.IwantedthosesignsoutofthehousesoIwouldn’tberemindedofhowclosewehadcometolosingourfour-leggedfamilymember.
SteppingoutoftheExplorer,Itossedthebagtotheedgeoftheroadandceremoniouslywipedmy
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handsofit.Done!ButasIturnedtogetbackintothetruck,Ihadsecondthoughts.Iuntiedthebagandpulledoutarumpledpage,smoothingitonmyleg.Perhapsitwouldbegoodtokeeponeasareminderafterall.IheldtheflyerinmyhandasIsatbehindthesteeringwheel,parkedin
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nearlythesamespotasthatfirstnightwhenFlashhadshownup.
Whatajourneyithadbeensofar!
Duskhadfallen,andasIlookedthroughthewindshieldatthemuddydriveway,mymindrelivedthatcold,bumpydrivehomefromajobthatwouldn’tpayourbills.Thatnight,allIhad
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wantedwasawarmshowerandanendtothestruggleswewerefacing.MyheartwastooheavyandIwastootiredtopray,butsomehow,Godhadheardme.
There,inourheadlights,wasamangydonkey.
Helookedatus,andwepeeredbackathim,thedustswirlingabouthisfeetlike
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smokeinastageshow.Grassprotrudedfromhislips.Heswallowedhard.
Thedonkeydidnotlooklikeamiracle.Helookedlikealotoftrouble.
Itwouldhavebeentheeasiestthingintheworldtosimplyignorehim,driveuptothehouse,getreadyforbed,andthenpullthecoversoverourheads.TomandI
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weretiredanddiscouraged.Weweren’tspeakingtoeachother.Wejustwantedtoputthedaybehindusandhadeveryreasontokeepgoingpasthim.Andhadwedrivenonby,Imightneverhavegivenmuchthoughtaboutachanceencounterwithalowlybeastintheroad.“Huh,adonkey.Thatwasweird.”
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Hewouldhavebeenthefootnoteonataleofahorridday.
ButTom’sseatbeltwasalreadyunbuckled,andheopenedthedoor.Andwithonetiredsighandadecisiontogetout,thegamechanged.
Wethoughtwewererescuingadonkeythatnight.
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Buttherealityis,Godhadsentalostdonkeytohelprescueus.
Weweretheonesneedinghelp.Weweretheoneswhoneededtoknowwewerenotalone.ThatGodhadnotforgottenus.ThatHehadapurposeforus.ThatwematteredtoHim.
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WeneededtoknowGodwaswithus,andthatwecouldstillrelyonHim.WeneededtoknowHecouldreachdownandmakesomethinggoodhappen,andthatHecouldstillspeaktoordinarypeoplelikeus.
SoHeputadonkeyinthedriveway.
Andwecouldhavedrivenrightby.
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Butwewouldhavemissedtheverythingweneededmost.
Wecouldnothaveimaginedtheanswertoourprayerswouldcomeinsuchanunexpected,inconceivablepackage.Isn’titGod’sstyletoprovidesomethingwondrous,somethingnewsworthy,somethingwithalittleglamourtoastoundus?
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That’swhatIwouldhaveenvisioned.Apackagewithfuzzyears,anenormoushead,bigteeth,andaloudbray?Hardly.Butthen,Godhasasenseofhumor.PerhapsHeknewthatitwouldtakeareluctant,lostdonkeytoillustrateHismessagetoreluctant,lostpeoplelikeus.
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HegaveusFlash.ThroughFlash’sexample,welearnedhowtoliveabundantlyinourcircumstances,withgratitudeandjoy.Heremindedustokeepbreakingdownfencestofindourpassion,andwelearnedtorunwithhorsesandfindsatisfactionthroughservingotherswithlove.Hetaughtustowearourdonkey
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heartsonoursleevesandopenuptotheworldaroundus.Heremindedustonotbeafraidofchange...toletgoofthepastandembracepossibilities.Hisdonkeytrailspointedoutthatourploddingwasreallygoingsomewhereafterall.Heshowedushowtomakethemostofthedayswearegiven.Suchpricelesslessons.
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Flash,inhisowninimitableway,taughtushowGodinteractswithHispeople.IfoundHeusestheeverydaypartsofourlivestoilluminatespiritualtruthsandtodrawusclosetoHim.IthinkmaybeI’dforgottenthat.God’svoiceisechoedinthestoplights,thegrocerystoreruns,thewalksinthepark,andthechatteraround
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thedinnertable.Hecallstousaswedothelaundryandthedishes,balancecheckbooks,andreadbedtimestories.
DoyouhearHim?Heisinchanceencounterswithunlikelycharacters.Hispresenceisnearerthanwecanimagine.Hishandis
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neverfar,andHisSpirithoversoverusaswegoaboutourdailylives.
Sometimes,wejustneedtopayattention.
Listen.Observe.Bestill.Unbuckleourseatbelts
andgetoutofthecarwhenwe’dratherdriveonpast.
Thisiswhatastraydonkeytaughtus.
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Butmostimportant,FlashremindedusofGod’sinfinite,unfathomablelove.HeremindedusthatHetakesworthless,unworthy,unwillingpeopleandsetsHisheartonthem.Onus.Onyouandme.Hislovemakesusvaluable,worthy,andbeautiful.Hehealsourscars,Heprovidesforourneeds,andHegivesusmorethanwe
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couldaskfor.WeareHis.WebelongtoHim.Hecallsusbyname,and
Hebringsussafelyhome.
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LessonsfromFlash
1Rememberyourname.
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Knowwhoseyouare.
2Knowwheretofindrefuge.
TruesanctuaryisfoundinGodalone.
3Runwithhorses.Thepursuitofexcellenceconquersfear.
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4Findyourpassion.Passionleadstopurpose.
5Beatrailblazer.Persistencemakespathwaysforgracetofollow.
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6Wearyourdonkeyheartonyoursleeve.
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Awell-livedlifeisanauthenticlife.
7Standwherefruitisfalling.
Thesecretofabundanceisinchoosinggratitude.
8Beaserviceanimal.
Youaremadetoservein
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Youaremadetoserveinlove.
9Embracechange.Don’tletfearoftheunknownkeepyoufrommovingforward.
10Makethingsrightwithothers.
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Don’tmissyourchancetoforgive,accept,andlove.
11Yourjourneyisn’taboutfixingdonkeyproblems.
It’sabouttransformation.
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Q&AwithRachelAnneRidge
WhatmadeyoudecidetowriteaboutFlash?
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Flashissuchacharming,endearingcharacter,howcouldInotwriteabouthim?Seriously,IbegantonoticethatIhadtheselittlescribblednotesandobservationsabouthiminmyjournals...thingsthatbegantodevelopintothreadsofunderstanding.Istartedtoseehimasmyownpersonalobjectlesson!IguessI’mavisuallearner,
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andthisishowGodmakesthingsconnectwithme.WhenIwroteaboutFlashonmyblogandsawhowheresonatedwithmyreaders,itseemedcleartomethatheshouldbethecatalystforthebook.
Youmentioninthebookthatpartofyourgrowing-upyearswerespentasa
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missionarykidinMexico.Whatwasyourchildhoodlike?Howdidyourearlyexperiencesshapeyoutobereadyforanythinglifethrowsyourway—whetherit’sstartingyourownbusinessordiscoveringadonkeyinyourdriveway?
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Growingupasamissionarykidreallydidpreparemeforbeingopentonewexperiences.IlovedthecolorfulcultureIwasexposedto—thepeopleandthelanguage(andthedonkeys)gavemeanappreciationforasimplerlifestylethanwetypicallyexperienceintheUnitedStates.IthinkI’vealways
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longedtorecreatethatwithmyownfamily.Livinginaforeigncountry,myparentsmodeledaviewoflookingatinterruptionsaspossibilitiesandseeinginconveniencesasopportunitiesforGodtowork,andIamdeeplygratefulfortheirexample.IbelieveIcouldhaveeasilymissedFlash’slessonswithoutthatmind-setof
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expectation.
Donkeysareoftenlabeled“stubborn”and“ornery.”YetFlashseemstoimmediatelywintheheartof(almost)everyonehemeets.Whydoyouthinkwerespondsostronglytohim?Doyouthinkalldonkeyshavepeoplemagnetism?
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Idothinkthatdonkeysareparticularlyendearingtopeople!Firstofall,there’sthecutenessfactor.Thoseears!Thosenoses!Butalso,Ithinkthereisahumilityandgentlenesstheyexudethatdrawspeoplein.Theyareextremelysocialandloyal,twoqualitiesthatmakeforgoodrelationshipsofanykind.Flashhasahuge
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personalitythatpeoplerespondto,andhisadventuresmakeeveryonesay,“Awww.”
The“stubborn”stereotypeisonethatwe“donkeypeople”areverysensitiveto,andwetrytoeducateothersaboutit.Donkeysaren’tactuallystubborn;theyarecautiousbynatureandwillhesitate(orrefuse)todo
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anythingtheyareunsureof.Ratherthanboltingfromafrighteningsituationlikeahorsemight,theywillstopandthinkaboutit.Theymusttrusttheirownerorhandlercompletelyinordertodowhatisbeingaskedofthem.Toooften,ahandlerbecomesfrustratedandwillmistreata
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donkey,whichonlycreatesdistrustandexacerbatesthe“stubborn”myth.
Youshareinthebookaboutanartteacherwhodiscouragedyouatayoungage,andasaresultittookyouyearstoownyourartisticgifts.Howdidthatexperiencechangeyou?Ifyouranintothatteacher
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todayandgotupenoughnervetosayanything,whatwoulditbe?Didyourexperienceaffectthewayyouguidedyourownchildrentodiscovertheirinterests?
Whatasadmomentthatwas!Lookingbacknow,Icanonlyimaginethattheteachermayhavebeenpreoccupiedor
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mayhavesimplybeencaughtinabadmoment,whichhadanunintendednegativeimpactonmeasaninsecureseventhgrader.Idon’tharboranyillwilltowardhimnow,andsayinganythingtohimwouldnotchangethepast.
Thatexperiencehasmademeveryawareofhowpowerfulourwordscanbe,andI’vetriedtobeapositive
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encouragerformyownkidsasthey’vediscoveredtheirinterests.Ialwayshadartsupplies,tools,paper,andbitsandpiecesofthingsonhandsotheycouldinventandcreatewhenevertheywanted.Today,Laurenisagraphicdesigner,Meghanisamusicteacher,andGraysonisonthepathtobecomingan
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aerospaceengineer—sothey’vedefinitelyfoundtheirniches!
SinceFlashjoinedyourfamily,you’vebecomeanadvocatefordonkeyrescueandcareworldwide.Whathaveyoulearnedabouttheimportanceandsocialvalueofdonkeys,specificallyin
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developingcountries?Howcanothersgetinvolvedtohelp?
I’msogladyouasked!HavingFlashhasopenedmyeyestothegreatimpactdonkeysstillhaveontheworld,andalsotheimmenseneedforrescueandwelfare.WeliveinsuchamodernsocietyhereintheUnited
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Statesthatwerarelyevenseeadonkeyasapet,letaloneasaworkinganimal.Yettherearemorethanfiftymilliondonkeysintheworld,mostofwhomdothehardworkthatsustainsfamiliesandwholecommunities.Often,theseanimalsareoverworkedandsufferpoorhealth,which
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decreasestheirlifespansandtheirabilitytohelpthepeoplewhoneedthem.
Oneorganizationwhosemissionistoaidthewelfareofdonkeys,horses,andmulesisTHEBROOKEintheUnitedKingdom(thebrooke.org).Theyhelpsomeofthepoorestcommunitiesinthe
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worldbyprovidingprogramsandtreatmentfortheirworkingequines.
THEDONKEYSANCTUARYintheUnitedKingdom(www.thedonkeysanctuary.org.ukiswellknownforitsworkwithdonkeys.Theyfosterandadoptdonkeysinneed
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andparticipateinanimalwelfareworkaroundtheworld.
SAMARITAN’SPURSE(samaritanspurse.org)providesdonkeys(andotherlivestock)toruralfamilieswhoneedthem,particularlyinLatinAmerica,Africa,andAsia.Donkeyscanpullplowsandwagons,haulproducts,carrywater,andprovide
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transportation.Theymakeahugedifferenceinpeople’seconomiclivesbyallowingthemtoearnalivingandcreateafutureforthemselves.Ilovethat.
PEACEFULVALLEYDONKEYRESCUEinSanAngelo,Texas(donkeyrescue.org),isoneexampleofadonkeyrescueorganizationandhasfacilities
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aroundtheUnitedStatesforrescuing,rehabilitating,andfindingnewhomesfordonkeys.I’vepersonallyvisitedtheirfacilityandevenadoptedanewdonkeyfriendforFlashfromthem!Theydoincredibleworkforthe“forgotten”donkeysofAmerica.
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Youcanhelpanyoftheseorganizationswithmonetarydonations,andsomearelookingforhands-onvolunteersorpeoplewhowanttofosteroradoptdonkeys.Theymakeexcellentpetsandcompanions,soyoushouldthinkaboutgettingone!
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Inthisbook,yousharewithgreatcandorandvulnerabilityaboutovercomingyourfearoftakingrisksonnewopportunities.WhatareyoudoingnowthatyouneverwouldhavedreamedofdoingbeforeFlashcameintoyourlife?
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Well,writingabookaboutadonkey,foronething!Flashhastaughtmethatmy“sixty-twochromosomes”areenoughtoallowmeto“runwithhorses”!Ithinkofthatphraseoften,especiallyasI’mpresentedwithprojectsandopportunitiesthatscareme,suchasspeakingtogroupsandwritinga
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children’sbook,asI’mdoingnow.Facingfearishard,butit’sworthit.
ThestoryofFlashspanssomedifficultandtumultuoustimesforyourfamily.Isthereaspecificquote,thought,orScriptureversethatsustainedyouthroughout?
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Nomatterwhathappens,itseemsIalwayscomebacktoPsalm90:17,whichhasbecomemylifeverse:
LetthebeautyoftheLORDourGodbeuponus,
Andestablishtheworkofourhandsforus;
Yes,establishtheworkofourhands.
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PSALM 9 0 : 1 7 , NK JV
IcreatedahugeprintofthisScriptureforourlivingroomsowecouldseeiteveryday.Itwas(andis)myprayerforourdays—thatwewouldexperienceGod’sbeautyandfavor,andthatHewouldtaketheworkofourhandsandmakesomethinggoodhappen.Sometimesjust
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breathingthisverseasaprayerwasallIcoulddointhemidstofmystruggles,andIbelieveGodhasreallybeenfaithfultoanswerit.
Atitscore,whatwouldyousaythestoryofFlashisabout?
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IbelievethestoryofFlash,myraggedystraydonkey,andofourfamilywhotookhimin,isastoryaboutGodshowingupineveryone’slivesinunexpectedways.It’saboutbeingawarethatwisdomtruly“shoutsinthestreets”asProverbs1:20describes,andthatwhatweneedtodoislearntolisten.
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IthinkmostofussimplymissthefactthatHeisreachingouttous,becausewe’relookingforgreatbeamsoflightandangelicchoirstoannouncesomethinggrandiose.Weforgettolookattheeverydayinterruptions,theordinaryoccurrences,andthetasksthatfillourlivesasopportunitiestoexperienceGod’sloveandcare.Ihope
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thatallwhoreadthebookwilllookattheirlivesinafreshwayandseethatthe“donkeys”thatshowupareactuallyextraordinarygiftsindisguise.
What’snewwithFlashandyourfamilysinceyoucompletedthebook?
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I’msoexcitedtosaythatFlashhasanewbuddy—Henderson(akaHenry).Heisanadorableminidonkeythatweadoptedlastyear.Hisnamecomesfromtheoriginallog-inattherescuefacility,wherehewasidentifiedas“Henderson#10,”thetenthdonkeyinaroundupinHendersonCounty,Texas.Wesimplyhadtokeepthe
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name!HeandFlashdoeverythingtogether,vyingforattention(andtreats)andgenerallyjustenjoyingeachother’scompany.It’ssofuntoseethemtogether!
Ourdaughters,LaurenandMeghan,haveeachhadababygirl,andourson,Grayson,isfinishinguphisstudiesatTexasA&M.Lifehaschangedalotinthepast
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yearortwo,andIthinkI’veadjustedtoitnow.I’mwritingachildren’sbookandcreatingartinmystudio—twothingsIlovetodo.I’malsobusyonPinterestpinningphotosofthevintagecamperI’mdreamingofhavingoneday!
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P.S.—Flashstartedobedienceschool(otherwiseknownasdonkey-ownertraining).Heislearningtowalkonalead,followcommands,andbeloadedintoatrailer.Heisa(mostly)willingandhappystudent.I’llkeepyoupostedonhisprogress.Thismaytakeawhile.
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FollowFlashonFlashTheDonkey.com,Facebook.com/FlashTheDonkeyandTwitter@FlashTheDonkey.
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Acknowledgments
Inbringingthisbooktolife,I’mdeeplyindebtedtomanypeoplewhohavemadeitpossible...
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PriscillaShirer,mydear,preciousfriend.ThankyouforhiringmetopaintJackson’snurserysolongago.Itwasaphonecallthatchangedmylife.Youcontinuallyblessmewithyourencouragement,yourinsights,andyourspur-of-the-momentmovieinvitations.Youaretheworld’sbestcheerleader.And
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Bibleteacher.BridgetteHawks,my
friendandSouthernbelle.Thankyouforlettingmesharethetenderpartsofourstory,andforbeingalatebloomerwithme.I’mgratefulyouputthatadinthepaperforthecharmingfarmhouse.Whenweansweredit,wegotwaymore
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thanahouse—wegotanamazingfriendshipwithyouandSteve.Whatagift.
RuthSamsel,myincredibleagent.YourenergyandexcitementforFlashmadethiswholeprojectfun.Iknewfromyourfirsttextthatwewouldmakeagreatteam.Youseemtoknowjustwhentopushme,andjustwhentosendalittlecarepackageto
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keepmyspiritsup.It’sanhonortobepartofWilliamK.JensenLiteraryAgency.
SarahAtkinson,myacquisitionseditoratTyndaleMomentum,whofellhardforFlashfromthefirstmomentsheheardofhim.Yourcommitmenttoseeingthisstorybecomearealbookmademebelieveinit.Thank
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youtothetalentedteamatTyndaleHousePublishersforallofyourhardwork:JanLongHarris,SharonLeavitt,JillianVandeWege,NancyClausen,CassidyGage,MaggieRowe,andStephenVosloo.Itreallytickledmetothinkaboutyousittingaroundtogetherattheoffice,talkingaboutmydonkey.Oh,howIwishFlashcouldhaveknown
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hewasbeingdiscussedinconferencerooms—byimportantpeople!Thenagain,he’dneverletmeforgetit.
BonneSteffen,myeditorwhomademymanuscriptsparkle.SorryforallthesentencesthatstartedwithAndandBut.Butsomehowyouhelpedmemakechangesthatkeptmyvoice,only
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better.Andyouletmekeepafewofmy“choice”words.Youareamaster.
MelodyJohnson,akaTheDonkeyWhisperer.ThankyouforyourexpertiseandhelpwithFlashalongtheway.
I’mgratefulformyparents,TomandAnneRasmussen,whotaughtmetoseepastthe“interruptions”in
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lifetofindwhatGodmightbedoingbehindthescenes.Yourfaithandexamplestillinspiremeeverysingleday.Thankyouforyourprayersandlove.
LaurenandRobertPenn,MeghanandNathanMiller,andGraysonRidge:Youguysalwaysmakemefeelontopoftheworldwithyourexcitementforthisbook,and
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formydreams.I’mveryblessed,andmorethanalittlelucky,tobeyourmom.
Tommy:Thankyouforstoppingtohelpastraydonkeyonenight.It’sjustsotypicalofyou,andonemorereasonIloveyoumorethanwordscansay.
Lastly,Flash.Thanksforshowingupwhenyoudid.Youwerejustwhatwe
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needed.
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DiscussionQuestions
ScantheQRcodewithyourphoneorvisitthelinkbelowforaspecialmessagetobookgroupsfromRacheland
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http://tyndal.es/flashintro
Flash!
1. Haveyouhada“donkeyinthedriveway”moment—atimewhensomethingunexpecteddisruptedyourlifeand
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routine?Whatwasit,andhowdidyourespond?
2. ThecountysheriffdismissesFlashas“worthless.”Doyouagreethatalivingcreaturecanbeworthless?Whyorwhynot?Considersomeexamplesfromhistory,theBible,oryourown
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experiencesinwhichaperson(orcreature)unvaluedbysocietycametomakeanimpactontheworld.Whatcharacteristics(ifany)dotheyshare?
3. Flash’s“earswereakeypartofhiscommunication—asilentformofexpressionthatdelightedus.”What
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couldtheRidgestellaboutFlash’smoodbywatchinghisears?Thinkofafriendorfamilymembertowhomyou’reclose.Whatnonverbalcuesmightyounoticethatshowwhatthatpersonisfeeling—thingsacasualacquaintancemightmiss?
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4. Inchapter2,Rachelcontraststhenamesshecallsherself(e.g.,inadequate,afraid,failure)withthenamesGodgivesher(e.g.,precious,found,enough).Whatwouldyourownnamesbe?WritetheGod-givennamesonacardandplaceitwhereyoucan
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seeiteveryday.
5. Thinkofatimewhenyou,likeFlashshiveringoutsidehisbarnorRachelsufferingatragicloss,haveneededshelter.Whatwerethecircumstances?Wherewasyourrefuge—theplaceorpeoplewhobroughtyouinoutofthecold?Whatdidyou
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learnaboutyourself,God,andyourrelationshipsfromthatdifficulttime?
6. WhatchangedforFlashafterhehadtheopportunitytorunwithhorses?Whatlongingsornewadventuresdoyouwanttopursueinyourownlife?Doessomethingneedto
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changeinyourcircumstancestomakethesedreamsareality—andcanyoubeginrunningaftertheminsomewaytoday?
7. OneofRachel’schildhoodteachersdiscouragedherinawaythatmadeabigimpactonherlifeandfuture.Thinkbacktoyourown
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childhood:Didyouhaveateacherorrolemodelwhoeitheraffirmedordismissedyourdreams?Iftheformer,howdidthatencouragementshapeyourlife?Ifthelatter,whatchangedwhenyouweretoldyoucouldn’tdoit?InwhatwaysdoesRachel’sown
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storyshowthatit’snevertoolatetotryagain?
8. WhatcharacteristicsdoRachelandTomshowintheirendeavors—whetherit’slearningtheropesatanewbusiness,facinglife’schallenges,oradoptingastraydonkey?Whereinthe
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processdotheymoststruggle,andwheredoyouseethemthrive?
9. ConsiderthemanydifferentfriendshipsRacheldescribesinthebook.Whichoneresonateswithyoumostandwhy?Ifyouweretowriteyourlifestory,whichofyourownfriendshipswouldbe
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mostsignificanttoinclude?Howhaveyoulearnedfromeachotherandgrowntogether?
10. Thinkofyourownpet,eitheroneyouhavenoworabelovedonefromyourpast.Ifheorshehada“To-Do”listlikeFlash’s,whatwouldbeincludedonit?Howhasthisanimal,quirksand
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all,enrichedyourlife—eitherthroughjoyorsorrow?
11. “It’ssafetosaythatFlashwelcomeschange,”Rachelsays,“justaslongasnothingisdifferentoralteredinanyway.”Howdoeshisattitudetowardchangecontrastwiththatofothersinthebook—
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RachelandTom,Bridgette,evenBeau?Whoareyoupersonallymostlikeandwhy?
12. Whataresomeuniquethingsthatanimalscanteachusaboutlove?
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AbouttheAuthor
WhiletolepaintingChristmasgiftsoneyear,RACHELANNERIDGEdiscoveredaloveforartandinadvertentlylaunchedanewcareer.In1999,shetookher
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paintbrushesandbegancreatingmuralsandfauxfinishesintheboomingDallas–FortWortharea.Whenthesmallbusinessstartedgrowing,herhusband,Tom,joinedher.Together,theyhaveexpandedintolarge-scalecorporateart,graphicdesign,wayfinding,andcustomartwork.Alongtheway,theyhaveraised
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threechildren;journeyedthroughloss,failures,andsuccesses;andadoptedastraydonkeywhoshowedupontheirdoorstepandneverleft.
Rachelbeganbloggingasameansofsharingdailyencouragementwithotherwomen.Writingabouthereffortstocreatea“softplacetoland”forherbusyfamily
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madeanaturalconnectionwithanonlinecommunityofreaderswholovehergentlewisdomandhumor.Since2006,HomeSanctuary.comhasbeenherbloghome,andyoucanalsokeepupwithheratRachelAnneRidge.com.
RachelwroteforandmanagedPriscillaShirer’sblog,GoingBeyond.com,fortwoyearsandcontributesto
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otherblogsonthetopicsofparenting,organization,faith,andcreativity.Sheisanengagingspeakerwholovestosharefunny,oftenpoignantstoriesthattouchtheheartandrevealGod’sloveinunexpectedways.
RachellivesinTexaswithherhusband,Tom,andnow,twodonkeys.
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