Winter  2011                                                    Volume  2  Issue  1    

Focusing and Empathywork  

     

                                                                                                                                                               The Empathywork Relationship Tip for the Season–

from Jim

One   of   my   most   cherished   and  important   teachers   was   Arwind  Vasavada,   a   Jungian   Analyist   who   was  born  and  lived  in  India    until  he  studied  with  Jung  in  Zürich  and  later  came  to  the  U.S.   I   first   met   him   in   a   class   being  taught  by  Gene  Gendlin,  and  heard  about  a  meditation  group   that  Arwind  offered  in  his  home  on  Friday  nights.    I  got  a  lot  out   of   the   experience   of   those   group  meetings   and   the  discussions   that  were  part  of  each  evening.    One   of   the     things   that   connected   the  meaning   of   those   meetings   with   the  teaching   of   Gendlin   and   Rogers,   the  

other  big  influences  on  my  development  as   a   Psychologist,   was   Arwind’s   living  out   of   an   attitude   that   has   it’s   roots   in  Indian   culture   and   philosophy   —   that  each  person  should  be  approached  with  reverence  for  the  God  within  them.      This   attitude   applies   to   ourselves   as  well   as   to   the   other,   so   even   when   I’m  most   unhappy   with   myself,   I   try   to  maintain  a  respect  for  the  complexity  of  the   multitude   of   contributing   factors  that   have   brought   me   to   the   current  place,   and   for   the   part   of   me   that   is  striving  to  do  better  and  live  well.  When  encountering   another,   and   the   person  

James R. Iberg, PhD Clinical Psychologist

847-864-0303

Empathywork.com

Chel Ferraro, PsyD, MBA 312-320-9777

BeingInSpirit.com

has  a  very  different  point  of  view  than  I  do,   or   they   do   something   upsetting   to  me,  I  work  from  the  assumption  that  if  I  really   understand   them   and   the   things  they  have  experienced  ,  I  will  appreciate  the   position   they   have,   even   though   I  may  still  disagree.      The   tool   that   I   have   found   most  powerful   to   implement   Arwind’s  attitude   is   empathy:     empathy   for  yourself,   which   we   call   Focusing,   and  empathy  for  others.    My  work  in  therapy  is  an  ongoing  practice  of  giving  empathy  to   others,   and   assisting   people   to  become   more   empathic   to   themselves.    

a  way  to  help  people  develop  their  skills  at   empathy   —   both   listening   and  Focusing   —   as   online   educational  products.    There  are  packages   available  with   bite-­‐sized   modules   that   will   take  you  through  a  learning  process  at  a  pace  that   you   set   for   yourself.     Each  module  has   exercises   and   questions   for   you   to  answer.   Within   a   short   time   of   your  responding   to   the   questions,   I   will  respond  and  keep  you  learning.        I   hope   you   check   it   out     (click   on   the  Educational   Products   link   in   the   menu  on   the   left   side   of   the   page   at  www.empathywork.com).     Please   tell  others   whom   you   think   might   have   an  interest  in  this  way  to  learn  more  about  Focusing   and   Listening.     Relationships  improve  when  more  empathy  is  brought  to  them.  

I   am   very   pleased   to   now   be   offering  

A Positive LifeMotivational   speakers   are   in   high  demand,   command   a   high   fee,   and   seem  to  be  everywhere  these  days  informing  us  of   what   we   should   do   to   enhance   our  lives,   change  our   thoughts,   be   successful,  lose   weight,   stop   smoking,   enrich  relationships,   acquire   wealth,   and   lead  generally  more  meaningful  lives.  We  seem  to   hear   them   in   the   form   of   live   events,  CDs,   DVDs,   and   books   –   audio   and   hard  copies.   We   quote   them,   refer   to   them,  subscribe   to   their   websites   and   daily  quotes,   and   they   continue,   as   a   group,   to  multiply  and  expand  their  followers.      From  Emerson  to  Father  Cutie,  Chopra  to  Dyer,  and  my  Aunt  Mary,  helpful  or  not  so  much,   advice   on   how   to   lead   a   more  successful   life   is   readily   available.  Perhaps  the  one  that  affects  me  the  most  is   drawn   from   Dr.   Joan   Borysenko’s  website.  She  quotes:  the  late  French  Jesuit  priest   and   scientist   Pierre   Teilhard   de  

Chardin     who   commented   that,   "We   are  not   human   beings   having   a   spiritual  experience;  we  are  spiritual  beings  having  a  human  experience."    And  yet  I  haven’t  found  the  best,  the  most  accurate   definition   of   a   positive   life.   I  thought   I   might   query   my   family   and  friends:  What  is  a  positive  life?    A   positive   life   is   a   positive   life—full   of  friends  and  family,  absent  of  strife.  All  the  breezes   smell   sweet   and   warm,   and   we  have  plenty  of  strength  if  there’s  a  storm.  AJ,  age  33.    The   process   of   choosing   to   interpret   all  situations   in   a   positive,   favorable  manner…Everyday,   every   hour,   every  moment—all  of  the  time,  no  matter  what,  it  can  be  painful.  We  can’t  save  the  world,  but   we   can   make   our   own   little   lives  

better—and  then  we  can  make  the  world  a  little  better.  PW,  age  60.    Being   optimistic   about   the   future;  believing   it   will   be   good   and   taking  actions  to  make  it  so.  HB,  age  64.  Somebody  who   is   enthusiastic,   energetic,  and   motivates   others,   a   light   to   other  people  to  inspire  them.  MH,  age  49.    As   I   contemplate   the   meaning   of   a  positive  life,  I  recall  a  favorite  Yoda  quote:  “There   is   no   try,   only   do.”   You   may  wonder   what   that   has   to   do   with   a  positive   life.   When   you   catch   yourself  

with   a   thought   or   action   that   is   not  positive  —stop—  For  me  a  positive  life  is  one   whereby   an   individual   has   the  capacity   to   identify   those   moments   that  are   not   positive,   and   then   to   define   and  execute  a  positive  action,  which  will  alter  a  situation’s  outcome.  And  as  Yoda  said  —  there  is  no  try  only  do.    Being  positive  and  having   a   positive   life   is   active—moving  forward   above   the   line   of   demarcation  between  positive  and  negative.    A  positive  life  is  an  always  improving  life.  What  do  you  think?  Let  us  know.    

Congratulations to Chel!

 Chel’s internship was officially completed on October 28, 2010. She accepted a Post Doctoral Fellowship at Advocate Medical Group in Orland

Park. We are still planning to work together when feasible. Chel will be seeing private practice clients in Homewood and Downtown.