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SHABBAT SCHEDULE

Mincha 7:10pm Shir Hashirim: 7:25pm Candle Lighting: 7:09pm Shaharit: 8:30am Youth Minyan: 9:00am Zeman Keriat Shema 9:36am 2nd Zeman Keriat Shema 10:10am Daf Yomi 5:40pm Shiur: 6:30pm Minha: 7:00pm Followed by Seudat Shelishit, Children’s Program, Teenager Program, & Arvit Shabbat Ends: 8:09pm Rabbenu Tam 8:38pm

We would like to remind our Kahal Kadosh to please Donate wholeheartedly towards our Beautiful Kehila. Anyone interested in donating for any occasion, Avot Ubanim $120, Kiddush $350, Seudat Shelishit $275, Weekly Bulletin $150, Weekly Daf Yomi $180, Daf Yomi Masechet $2500, Yearly Daf Yomi $5000, Weekly Breakfast $150, Daily Learning $180, Weekly Learning $613, Monthly Rent $3500, & Monthly Learning $2000, Please contact the Rabbi.

Thanking you in advance for your generous support. Tizke Lemitzvot!

In the near Future, everyone will start receiving the High Holiday Packages.

We would like to wish a Hearty Mazal Tov to our Dear Meir & Luna Benhayoun &

Yizhak & Miriam Benzaquen on the Wedding of their Dear Children Avi to

Mercedes. They should be Zoche to Build a Bayit Neeman Beyisrael Amen!

WEEKLY SCHEDULE SUNDAY

Selichot: 6:45am Shaharit: 7:30am Minha 7:10pm Followed by Arvit & Teenager Program

MONDAY TO FRIDAY Selichot 5:30am Shaharit 6:25am Hodu Approx: 6:40am Selichot #2 7:15am Shaharit #2 8:00am Shiur in Spanish 6:10pm Minha 7:10pm Followed By Arbit

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Torah Teasers (AISH)

1. The first law in this parsha involves a "yefat to'ar" (beautiful woman) who is captured in war. Who is the only woman in the Torah specifically described as "yefat to'ar"? 2. Which part of the body is mentioned in this parsha, and nowhere else in the Torah? 3. In this parsha, what part of a house is mentioned? 4. Where else is a roof mentioned in the Torah - but having nothing to do with a house 5. Shatnez is a garment containing wool & linen (flax). Where else in the Torah are those two fabrics mentioned in the same verse? 6. Where in this parsha is a garment (simlah) mentioned? (5 answers) 7. Where in this parsha do bread and water appear in the same verse? 8. Which law in this parsha involves a shovel? 9. Which law in this parsha involves a dog? Which other law in the Torah involves a dog? 10. Which two of the six "zechirot" - the events we are required to remember (found in most prayer books after the morning service) - are mentioned in this parsha? 11. Which two laws in this parsha involve forgetting? 12. Where in this parsha is the number 40 found?

Answers

1) In parshat Vayetze, Rachel is described as "yefat to'ar" - "a beautiful woman" (Genesis 29:17). 2) The non-Jewish woman captured in war must let her fingernails grow to make her look displeasing to her captor (Deut. 21:12). Fingernails are not mentioned elsewhere in the Torah. 3) This parsha mentions a roof - regarding the obligation to build a fence around the roof of one's house (Deut. 22:8). 4) The "roof" of the Golden Altar is referred to in both parshat Tetzaveh (Exodus 30:3) and parshat Vayakhel (Exodus 37:26). 5) In parshat Tazria, wool and linen are mentioned as the two fabrics that can constitute tzara'at on clothing (Leviticus 13:47). 6) (1) The captured woman must remove "the garments she is wearing when captured" (Deut. 21:13). (2) A garment is an example of a lost object that must be returned to its rightful owner (22:3). (3) A man is prohibited to wear a "woman's garment" (22:5). (4) When a newly-married woman is accused of adultery, the Torah uses the expression "spread out the garment," meaning that the matter should be fully investigated (22:17 with Rashi). (5) A creditor must return the collateral of a poor debtor if it is needed at night- e.g. "the garment he sleeps in" (24:13). 7) Amonite and Moabite men may not marry Jewish women. This is because these nations did not greet the Jews with bread and water when the Jews left Egypt (Deut. 23:5). 8) In addition to his weapons, a soldier who goes out to war must carry a small shovel (for Bashroom purposes) (Deut. 23:14). 9) A sheep that was traded for a dog (mechir kelev) may not be brought as an offering (Deut. 23:19). In parshat Mishpatim, the Torah states that torn flesh (basar trefa) must not be eaten, but rather thrown to the dogs (Exodus 22:30). 10) We are to remember what Hashem did to Miriam when the Jews left Egypt (Deut. 24:19). We must remember what Amalek did to the Jews when they left Egypt (25:17). 11) A bundle that is forgotten in the field must be left for the poor. We are commanded not to forget what Amalek did to the Jews when they left Egypt (Deut. 25:19). 12) Certain crimes are punished with 40 lashes (Deut. 25:3). [The Talmud explains that only 39 lashes are actually given (Makot 22a).]

Refuah Shelema List Men Women

• Yosef Zvi Ben Sara Yosefia, • Yosef Haim Ben Mesouda • Mordechai Ben Brucha Malka

Shmalo, • Yizhak Abraham Ben Sheli, • Yosef Yizhak Ben Sara Hana, • Mordechai Ben Miriam, • Meir Raymond Ben Mathilde • Salomon Benarroch Ben Alia • Abraham Israel Ben Camy Yaffa • Abraham Guenoun Bar Rachel

• Isaac Ben Mesoda, • Haim Ben Marcelle, • Yizhak Ben Simja • Reuben Ben Eta, • Michael Ben Aliza, • Eliel Moshe Ben Sarah • Refael Ben Clara • Netanel Sayegh Ben Rosa • Eliyahu Ben Mazal • Mordechai Ben Mercedes • Aviv Ben Luba Miriam

• Simja Bat Esther, • Rachel Bat Sarah, • Nina Bat Rachel, • Gitel Rina Bat Yael, • Miriam Bat Sofy, • Rahma Bat Simha • Esther Bat Fortuna • Malka Bat Dina • Raizel Bat Miriam • Leah Bat Rivka

• Sara Ledicia Bat Mesoda, • Alegria Simha Bat Esther, • Naomie Bat Rarel Adda, • Malka Bat Joyce Simja, • Sivan Simha Bat Yehudit, • Natalie Rachel Bat Nancy, • Abigael Haya Bat Esther • Madeleine Bat Esther • Nurit Jacqueline Bat Rahel • Camouna Bat Fortuna

If anyone would like to contact the Rabbi, please feel free to call or text 786-879-4951, or email rabbi@hechalshalom.org.

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Community Announcements (It is YOUR Community, make the most of it!)

Miscellaneous Announcements:

• This Week’s Congregational Kiddush has been Kindly Sponsored by The Benhayoun & Benzaquen Families in Honor of the Marriage of their Dear Children, Avi & Mercedes! Mazal Tov!!!

• The Kiddush Club Initiative. Anyone interested donating a Kiddush Please kindly contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemizvot!

• This Week’s Seudat Shelishit is still available for Sponsorship!

• This Week’s Breakfast has been Kindly Sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Amichai Shoshan in memory of her Dear Father Yosef Azulay Bar Esther z”l the 20th of Elul. Tihye Nishmato Tzerura Bitzror Hahayim Amen.

Anyone interested in sponsoring Breakfast for this week or on any day please contact the Rabbi.

• This Week’s Daf Yomi is still available for Sponsorship!

• If anyone is interested in creating a weekly class in your house or an individual class with the Rabbi, please do not hesitate to contact the Rabbi.

• We are trying to update our Congregant’s contact information. We would like to start sending texts about different Events and Shiurim. We would also like to start emailing the weekly bulletin. We would like to start a list of Nahalot/Azkarot/Yahrzeits. We would also like to make a Refuah Shelema list. Please send your contact information to the Rabbi at rabbi@hechalshalom.org

• Please feel free to contact any of the board members either in person, or via email with suggestions or comments. Our email addresses are:

Important Message!!!

Eruv Update: Surfside: The Eruv in Surfside now includes the walking paths along the beach. Pushing strollers and carrying is permitted on the paths, but not beyond the path or onto the beach. Bal Harbour: The Eruv in Bal Harbour included the inner (western) walking path only. The pier at Haulover Cut is not included.

• Due to the recent reorganization of seats in the Bet Hakenesset, We are happy to announce the NEW possibility of purchasing seats in the Bet Hakenesset. For more information, please contact the Board.

• Before hanging up anything anywhere in the Bet Hakenesset, please seek authorization from the Rabbi. This includes flyers etc. • Please be advised that prior to bringing any food or drinks for any occasion, you must first seek the authorization from the Rabbi.

Special Announcements

• We are pleased to announce that Ness 26 is part of the Amazon Charity Program, which would allow our community to collect 0.5% of all the orders made by any of you on Amazon.com. In order to register you need to log on smile.amazon.com and select Ness 26, Inc as the Charitable Organization you want to support, and from then shop on smile.amazon.com instead of www.amazon.com. It won’t cost anything more, and is an easy way to contribute to our budget needs.

• Anyone wishing to receive the Daily Halacha by the Rabbi please send a whatsapp message to Simon Chocron 786-351-1573

Community Calendar:

• The program for Teenaged Boys ages 13-18 Started again with Great Succes with Shiur by the Rabbi & Supper on Sunday Evenings Before Minha at around at 6:45 pm With Supper. New Participants Welcome! Anyone wishing to sponsor this Shiur Please contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemitzvot!

• We have started the Mishmar Program Every other Thursday evening at 8:00 pm with Chulent, Beer, & Snacks. Everyone is welcome!

Avot Ubanim: This Mosae Shabbat at 7:45pm In Recess

Youth Minyan • We are proud to announce the inauguration of our YOUTH/TEEN MINYAN geared to train and teach our future

generations on the different tefillot and parashiot.

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We would like to Whole Heartedly Thank our Dear Friends,

Drs. Benjamin & Sara Courchia for generously Donating the TORAH LEARNING of

Elul 5779 For Refuah Shelema of Tamar Bat Rachel, Eliyahu Ben

Shimon, & Aicha Bat Nouna & Hatzlacha to Leah Bat Ruth We truly appreciate it. In this merit,

may Hashem Bless you & your wonderful family with all the Berachot of the Torah. Amen.

Birthdays

Happy Birthday To • Ena Aquinin – Sun. Sep. 15th, • Esther Nahon – Tue. Sep. 17th, • Mr. Jacob Bengio – Fri. Sep. 20th, • Mr. Frank Taieb – Sun. Sep. 22nd, • Mr. Alain Albergel – Shabb. Sep. 28th, • Dr. Ronny Aquinin – Sun. Sep. 29th, • Mr. Marcelo Romano – Sun. Sep. 29th, • Mr. Philipe Cohen – Tue. Oct. 1st, • Samuel Taieb – Tue. Oct. 1st, • Yosef Nahon – Wed. Oct. 2nd.

Happy Anniversary To • Alberto & Evelyn Belecen Sep 17th • Isaac & Dayana Benmergui Sep 17th

Nahalot

• Menahem Zonana Bar Simha z”l the 14th of Elul (Father of Mr. Andre Zonana) (Shabbat)

• Yosef Azulay Bar Esther z”l the 20th of Elul (Father of Mrs. Magali Shoshan)

Next Shabbat: • Max Nissim Attar Ben Yehuda z”l the 22nd of Elul

(Father of Mr. Shem Tov Attar) • Eliyahu Anidjar Bar z”l the 24th of Elul

(Father of Mrs. Miriam Benmergui) • Pessia Unfasnug Bat Bella z”l the 25th of Elul

(Great Aunt of Mr. Amichai Shoshan) • Mahlouf Ben Sasson z”l the 26th of Elul

(Father of Mr & Mrs. Mamou) • Alegria Bat Luna Bencid z”l the 27th of Elul

(Aunt of Mrs. Luna Benhayoun)

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Community Shiurim Weekday mornings:

• 6:10AM to 6:45AM: Laws of Nidah. New participants welcome!

• 7:30AM Shiur on Hok Leyisrael with Breakfast! Everyone Is Welcome to

Join. • 7:45AM to 8:30AM: Daf Yomi Masechet Temurah. NEW DAF YOMI

MASECHET! New participants are welcome! It is a great time to start learning the Daf and join thousands of Jews across the world in this incredible project.

• 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Mishna Berura Dirshu Cycle! New participants welcome!

Weekday afternoons:

• Before Minha o Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics.

• After Arvit: o Mondays & Wednesdays: Hoshen Mishpat – Business Halacha o Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics. o Every Thursday evening after Arvit Hilchot Nida in Depth for Men. o Tuesday Assorted Topics

In Recess for the Summer o Monday & Tuesday at 7:00pm Masechet Berachot in French o Every other Monday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Class to Women. o Every other Tuesday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Classes to Men.

• SHIUR for Ladies! The Rabbi’s Shiur on Halachot of Kashrut NEW SERIES ON Hilchot Basar Vechalav, (Laws pertaining to Meat & Milk) to Ladies, in the Bet Hakenesset, every Tuesday afternoon at 2:05 pm. New Participants are always Welcome! In Recess

Shabbat: • Shabbat night before Arvit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week. • Shabbat Morning: Short Lecture on the Parashah of the week. • Shabbat Morning: Lecture on the Parashah of the week after Kiddush • Shabbat Afternoon – Daf Yomi at 6:00pm. • Shabbat Afternoon – Shiur at 6:50pm • Teenager Shiur – with Isaac Benmergui During Seudat Shelishit. • Seudat Shelishit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week.

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The Message of Yibum (Rabbi Eli Mansour from Daily Halacha)

Towards the end of Parashat Ki-Teseh, the Torah presents the Misva of Yibum, which applies when a married man dies without children. His brother is required to marry the widow, and the child born from this marriage will be considered, in some sense, the offspring of the deceased. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, then he must perform a special ceremony called "Halisa," whereby he wears a special shoe which the widow removes from his foot. (Although it is clear from the Torah that Yibum is preferred over Halisa, nowadays, Halisa is performed when this unfortunate situation arises, for reasons which lie beyond the scope of our discussion.) Various different approaches have been suggested to explain the meaning and significance of Yibum and Halisa. Rabbenu Bahya (Spain, 1255-1340) suggested, quite simply, that the Torah commands the brother to marry the widow in order to keep the deceased’s wealth in the family. Since the deceased had no children, his only inheritor is his wife, and if she would then marry somebody else, all his wealth would end up in a different family. As people generally wish for their wealth to remain in their family, the Torah commanded the brother to marry the widow. In explaining the significance of Halisa, Rabbenu Bahya writes that Yibum has the effect of bringing the deceased back to life, in some sense. As the Torah writes, the child produced by the brother’s marriage to the widow "shall be named after the deceased." Since the deceased in effect caused this child to be born, as his brother was required to marry the widow because of his death, the deceased – who had no children – is considered as having a legacy and presence in this world through the birth of that child. And so, if the brother refuses to marry the widow, he essentially causes the brother to "die" again. He consigns the brother to no longer have any chance of leaving a legacy in this world. The brother therefore has his shoe removed – a

symbol of mourning, conveying the message that his refusal is causing his brother to "die" once again, in that it denies the brother an opportunity for a spiritual presence in this world through offspring. But the removal of a shoe from the brother’s foot might also send a different message. The Zohar and other sources speak at length about a person’s ability to elevate his father’s soul in the next world. By performing Misvot in the father’s merit, a person brings great blessing to the deceased father’s soul. In fact, a son’s Misvot performed in the father’s merit have a greater effect upon the father’s soul than those performed by the greatest Sadik in the world. The Gemara teaches that one is required to honor his parents both during their lifetime and after their passing. When the parent is alive, the child is to help him here in this world by caring for him and respecting him. When the parent passes on, the child is to help the parent in the next world, through the performance of Misvot. Elsewhere, the Gemara comments that a child is "Kar’a De’abu" – "his father’s leg." The commentators explain this to mean that a child has the ability to enable his parent to "move" even in the next world. Once a person leaves this world, he no longer has the ability to perform Misvot, and so he no longer has the ability to build himself, to elevate himself, to grow and develop. The only way this can be done after death is through one’s offspring, whose good deeds are attributed, to some extent, to the parent who produced the children and trained them to observe the Torah. The child is the parent’s "leg" in the sense that he grants his father the ability to continue "walking" even in the next world, to be elevated and raised, through the performance of Misvot. This might be the meaning of the Halisa ceremony. The shoe is removed from the brother’s foot to sharply reprimand him for denying his brother a "shoe" – a child who would be able to carry his soul further in the next world. The Torah gave the brother the opportunity to produce a child that would be considered the child of the deceased and would thus elevate the deceased’s soul to infinitely greater heights in the next world, but he chose

WEEKLY INSPIRATION

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not to seize this opportunity. He thus removed his brother’s "shoe," his means of achieving greater elevation. The greatest thing we can do for our beloved family members who have left this world is to involve ourselves in the study and observance of Torah in their merit, through which we elevate their souls to ever greater heights for all eternity.

Misvot and the Potato Chip Syndrome

(Rabbi Eli Mansour) One of many Misvot discussed in Parashat Ki-Teseh is the famous Misva of "Shilu’ah Ha’ken," sending away a mother bird before taking eggs from the nest. This Misva is followed by the Misva of "Ma’akeh," the obligation to place a parapet around one’s roof for safety: "If you build a new house, you shall construct a parapet for your roof" (22:8). The Midrash explains the juxtaposition between these two topics, teaching that the second is the reward for the first. Meaning, the reward for faithfully fulfilling the Misva of Shilu’ah Ha’ken is a new house, which necessitates the construction of a parapet. The Torah then proceeds to discuss several laws relating to farming, such as the prohibition against sowing two types of seeds together. This, too, the Midrash comments, is a reward. For fulfilling the Misva of "Ma’akeh," one is rewarded with a field which allows him to observe the Torah’s agricultural laws. Then, the Torah introduces the Misva of Sisit, the obligation to affix strings to the corners of one’s garment. Once again, the Midrash teaches that this is a reward. If one observes the Torah’s farming laws, then he is given the ability to obtain new, fine garments and fulfill the Misva of Sisit. The point the Midrash is making is that one Misva leads to another. The reward for Shilu’ah Ha’ken is not simply a house – because a house that is not used for a higher purpose is not a reward – but rather the ability to perform Misvot with the house. And then, one is

rewarded with a field, which provides opportunities for even more Misvot. And then one purchases new garments and is able to do additional Misvot. Each Misva we perform ends up facilitating another one. And that Misva then brings us to yet another. We might say that Misvot are like potato chips. As we all know too well, it is impossible to eat just one potato chip. When we eat one, we then need another. And then another. Misvot work the same way. Once we perform a Misva, we will soon find ourselves involved in another one. A person’s friend drags him to a Torah class, and he finds it gratifying, and also makes some new friends. Soon enough, he is attending more classes and community functions, helping out friends, volunteering for community functions, and so on. Why is this so? How does one Misva lead to another? Our Rabbis teach us that every time we do a Misva, we create an angel. That angel looks to "repay" us for bringing him into existence by advocating on our behalf that we should have the ability to perform additional Misvot. This is the secret to the concept of "Misva Goreret Misva," that one Misva leads to another. Each angel we create by performing Misvot works to ensure that we will be able to perform more Misvot. People involved in outreach, in trying to bring Jews back to religious observance, know this concept very well. Attempting to persuade somebody to drastically change his or her lifestyle is not likely to succeed. But what can and does work is encouraging somebody to perform one Misva, such as to observe one Shabbat, to participate in one Hesed project, or to attend one Shiur. The power of that Misva will naturally lead to yet another, which will then lead to another, and so on. It is that initial step which triggers the process of developing a full-fledged Torah commitment. We must realize, however, that the converse is also true. Just as one Misva facilitates another, one sin facilitates another. When we commit a sin, we create an angel that seeks to lead us toward yet another sin. There’s no such thing as transgressing just once, as breaking the rules only temporarily and then immediately

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getting back on track. This is not how it works. If we violate the Torah once, we bring ourselves dramatically closer to another violation. And then to another. The "potato chip syndrome" is true regarding sins just as it is regarding Misvot. We must never underestimate the power and significance of any action. A positive act will lead us along the path of more Misvot, while a negative act will lead us along the opposite path. Let us therefore always choose wisely, and put ourselves on the road of Misva performance, one Misva at a time, and we will then be rewarded with even more Misvot, and then some more, throughout our lives.

The Torah Addresses the

Evil Inclination Here (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org)

Parashat Ki Tetze begins with the laws of the Yefat Toar [beautiful captive woman] in time of battle, one of the most difficult Parashat in the Torah to understand: “When you will go out to war against your enemies and Hashem your G-d will deliver him into your hand, and you will capture its [people as], captives; and you will see among its captivity a woman who is beautiful of form, and you will desire her, you will take her to yourself for a wife.” [Devarim 21:10-11]. Because the woman is a goy, the Torah instructs that she be brought into the Jewish soldier’s house, made un-appealing (by cutting off her hair, etc.). He must then wait a month, and if after that he still wants her… “you may come to her and live with her, and she shall be a wife to you.” [Devarim 21:14] Rashi here comments (based on Kidushin 21b) “the Torah is speaking here only against the Yetzer HaRah [evil drives within a person], for if the Holy One, Blessed is He would not make her permissible, he would marry her in a forbidden manner.” Under normal circumstances, the Torah would never permit such a thing. It would say “Listen here, get control of yourself, and walk away from this forbidden woman.” However, the Torah made an exception here. War is different. It weakens

a person’s power of resistance to his animalistic instincts. At any rate, this is Rashi’s approach – the Torah here has made a concession to the Yetzer HaRah. The Shela”h HaKodosh has a very interesting take on this Rashi and on this whole concept of “the Torah speaks against the Yetzer HaRah.” We must remember, the people who went to war in Biblical times were not your average recruits that show up at the local recruiting station who think “Hey, I have nothing better to do with my time; I may as well learn how to shoot!” At least some of the people in today’s armies are not from the upper echelon of society. However, the Jewish wars of Biblical times were carried out by wholly righteous individuals. (People who were afraid of dying in battle for even “minor sins” they may have committed were exempted from going to battle.) We had an army of Tzadikim, and yet somehow even people of this caliber were vulnerable to falling into this moral trap. The Shela”h explains the idea based on the statement of the wise Shlomo HaMelech [King Solomon]: “Stolen waters are sweet.” [Mishle 9:17] This means that forbidden fruit is tastier than fruit which is permitted. Water may quench my thirst and on a hot day it is delicious, but water has no taste. And yet Shlomo HaMelech says stolen waters are sweet! A thing that has no taste – if it is off-limits – can be sweet. Consider the case of a person on a carb free diet. He goes somewhere and they are serving baked potatoes. Not French fries – but rather simple baked potatoes with no butter and no margarine. However, if he is on a “no carb” diet and he sees a baked potato – there is no greater temptation in the world than that baked potato. Why? It is because it is forbidden to him. Once something is forbidden, the principle of “stolen waters are sweet” kicks in. Similarly, a fellow goes to war. War is terrible. A person loses his humanity in war. He sees a beautiful captive woman – and he craves for her. The Torah says, “Take her home.” We are giving you a pass on this. Take her home. Just let her sit there for a month, replace her seductive clothing with simple drab garments, shave off her hair, let her nails grow long. Once

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the Torah says she is permitted, the result will be that the craving will subside. The soldier will not want her anymore. She becomes like a baked potato for someone not on a carb free diet. Who wants a baked potato? Give me French fries! Give me potato kugel! A baked potato? Ug! This is the approach of the Shalo”h: The Torah allows the Yefat Toar in order to remove her allure of ‘stolen waters are sweet’ and to hopefully bring the Jewish soldier to a point where he can let her leave his house and go back home to where she came from. With this approach, we can understand a famous Gemara [Chullin 109b]: Yalta says to Rav Nachman (her husband), “Let’s see, for everything the Torah has forbidden, it has permitted a corresponding item.” For example, blood is (normally) prohibited, but liver is permitted even though “it is entirely blood.” The chelev [certain fats] of domesticated animals (behemot) are forbidden, but chelev chaya [the corresponding fat of non-domesticated animals, such as deer] are permitted. The Gemara goes through a series of items which are forbidden and for which a person might have a curiosity to experience. His desire to consume that which is forbidden intensifies the curiosity -– so the Torah permits a similar tasting item, to relieve the curiosity and thus remove the yetzer hara for the forbidden item. Yalta then tells her husband, “I wish I could taste the flavor of meat cooked with milk (basar b’chalav),” which is of course forbidden. In effect she told her husband, “I want a cheeseburger. All my life I have been waiting for a chance to taste cheeseburgers.” Rav Nachman told her that the Torah permits the udder of a milk producing animal which is saturated with milk and has the taste of basar b’chalav. What is the point of this Gemara? The point is this principle of the Shela”h haKodosh. If you know something is permitted, you have an escape hatch from the clutches of the Yetzer HaRah. This removes the cravings. The item no longer becomes “stolen waters.” An item being “off limits” creates the taavah [lust] for it. When the Torah permits the item — albeit in restricted circumstances — it takes away the taavah. It is

the same in the case of Yefat Toar. It does not mean the soldier will eventually marry this woman; but the Torah allows him to do so because it “speaks to his Yetzer HaRah.” Once the Yefat Toar ceases to become “forbidden waters,” hopefully the “sweetness” of contemplation of the forbidden act will dissipate.

Beginnings Are Critical at

Every Stage of Life (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org)

If you need to speak at a Sheva Brachot this coming week or you need to speak at a Bar Mitzvah or you are going back to teach in front of a class and need a nice thought to share with your audience – this is the “vort” you are looking for. As we just mentioned, the parsha begins with the laws of Yefat Toar and then mentions “If a man has two wives – one he loves and one he hates…” he is not allowed to switch the first-born status (for inheritance purposes) from his true first born, the son of the “hated wife” to the younger brother, the first-born son of the “beloved wife.” The true first born is the one who must receive the “double portion” of inheritance. Following this, the third set of laws in Parashat Ki Tetze is that of the Ben Sorer U’Moreh [the Wayward and Rebellious son]. Already at a very young age (right after Bar Mitzvah), he begins acting in a way that will lead to a life of corruption and aggression. The Torah decrees that it is preferable to put him to death “when he is still innocent” (of the future crimes he is destined to commit) rather than execute him later when he will already be deserving of the death penalty. This is a difficult parsha which we have talked about in the past. We are not going to try to explain it right now. Rashi says the sequence of these three sets of laws – the beautiful captive woman, the beloved and hated wives, and the wayward and rebellious son – teach a homiletic lesson: If someone marries the Yefat Toar because he became infatuated with her, he will eventually

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have two wives (his original wife and the one he found in the battlefield). Eventually, he will come to hate the second wife. Furthermore, once he has such a wife (that he should not have taken in the first place) he will have a child from her, and the child will be a troublemaker. He will become a Ben Sorer U’Moreh. The Shem M’Shmuel [Rabbi Shmuel Bornsztain (1855-1926), the second Sochatchover Rebbe, and son of the Avnei Nezer] makes a very interesting observation. Why does the Torah put the halacha that the first born gets a double portion here? Even if the Torah wants to tell us that one who marries a Yefat Toar will eventually hate her, why should the Torah insert the unrelated rule that a Bechor gets pi-shnayim [a double portion of inheritance] here? There is an entire section in the Torah at the end of Sefer Bamidbar describing all the laws of inheritance. The law that a first born gets a double portion should be placed there. It seems incongruous to mention it here between the laws of Yefat Toar and that of Ben Sorer U’Moreh. It does not relate to the flow of the narrative. The Shem M’Shmuel writes that the Torah is trying to tell us a very important lesson – beginnings are very very important. Beginnings set the tone. He asks – why is it that the first-born gets double? Being a first born, after all, is merely an accident of birth. What did he do? Why should he get double the portion of his father’s estate over and above the rest of his brothers? The Shem M’Shmuel answers that it is because the Bechor casts an influence over the entire family. The children that come after the first-born are influenced by him. Therefore, the Bechor gets double because he set the tone for the entire family. For example, the Rosh Yeshiva [Rav Yaakov Yitzchok Ruderman (1900-1987)], zt”l, married a woman named Feiga Kramer. Her father, Rav Sheftel Kramer, had five daughters. One of them was Rebbetzin Ruderman, one was Rebbetzin Neuberger, one was Rebbitzen Heiman, one was Rebbitzen Skaist, and one was Mrs. Lewin. There were five daughters, no sons. But the Bechora, the first-born was Rebbetzin Ruderman. Family legend has it that her father told her – you need to marry a Talmid

Chacham, because the type of person you marry will set the standard for your other sisters as well. Admittedly she married a very big Talmid Hacham and all the other sisters – perhaps they did not marry Talmide Chachamim of the Rosh Yeshiva’s caliber, but they were all very distinguished individuals, all Talmide Chachamim. How did that happen? The oldest sister set the standard. She set the bar, which the other sisters measured against. She did it because she was the first born. Firstborns have this effect. Thus, the Shem MiShmuel points out that the Torah is trying to tell us over here that the bechor gets pi shnayim because beginnings have an effect on all that comes later. The Gemara in Sanhedrin says that the entire period of time when it is possible for a boy to become a Ben Sorer U’Moreh’s is only three months. (That – among other reasons — is why it is so hard to meet the conditions under which such a punishment could ever be carried out.) The whole chapter addresses a 13-year-old child for only the first 3 months after his Bar Mitzvah. Yet, the Torah is already concerned that the child is acting out, he is stealing, he shows gluttonous behavior, etc. Why is this so serious? It is because when a child is that age – Bar Mitzvah – how he acts in that beginning stage of his life as a mature adult sets the pattern and has a tremendous influence on what the rest of his life will be like as well. That is why it is very important that the tone be set in this “Bar Mitzvah year.” Like any structure, the foundation is critical. Any building is only as strong as its yesod [foundation]. The first months after Bar Mitzvah are critically important. And – m’inyan l’inyan b’oto inyan – the first year of marriage is very important as well because how a family begins, how it starts out and where it starts out and how it is built can have an effect for years and years to come. That is why the Torah provides a draft deferment to a newlywed and sends him home to his wife, free of communal duties, during the first year of his marriage – to gladden the heart of his wife. The first year is the foundation of the marriage.

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The sefarim say “All beginnings are difficult” (Kol Hascholos Kashos). Simply, this means that it is hard to start a new project. But on a deeper level, it means beginnings are “kashos” because it is essential that they be executed correctly. You need to do it right at the beginning of any endeavor. How things are done initially sets the tone for all that follows. Therefore, if someone is a Rebbi in a Yeshiva and needs to give an opening shmuze, it is very valuable to stress the uniqueness of Chodesh Elul. Chodesh Elul is important for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it sets the foundation for the whole year. That is why Rosh Hashannah and Aseres Yemei Teshuvah are such critical periods. It is the beginning. Beginnings have a lasting effect on that which comes after them. For this reason, the Torah writes the parsha of Bechor and right after that the parsha of Ben Sorer U’Moreh. The Torah is telegraphing to us the importance of the beginnings at every stage of life.

The Rebellious Son and the Fundamentals of Education

(Rabbi Zev Leff) When a man has a wayward, rebellious son, who does not obey his father and mother, they shall have him flogged. If he still does not listen to them... (The parents) must declare to the elders of his city, "Our son here is wayward and rebellious. He does not listen to us, and is an (exceptional) glutton and drunkard (Devarim 21:18 & 20). The Gemara (Sanhedrin 71a) says that there never was a rebellious son executed by Bet din. The topic was recorded in the Torah in order to learn and receive reward. But even if there never was rebellious son, we can learn a great deal about chinuch banim (raising children) from a careful study of the Torah's description of the rebellious son. By studying the factors that help create a son so tainted that it is a chesed to kill him while he is still young and has not yet committed all the heinous crimes he

otherwise would, we can learn to do the opposite with our own children. It must be clear at the outset that there are no sure-fire rules of education that apply to all children at all times. Reshit Chachmah quotes a midrash that it is easier to raise a legion of olive trees in the Galilee, where the soil and climate are not conducive to growing olive trees, than to raise one child in Eretz Yisrael, even though Eretz Yisrael is conduce to proper education, since the atmosphere itself helps to imbue one with wisdom and holiness. Children are not objects to be fashioned at will, but rather human beings who have their own free will and can reject, if they so choose, even the best chinuch. The most a parent can hope to achieve, as Chiddushe HaRim points out regarding all learning, is to put the words of Torah on the heart of the child so that when the heart opens up, the Torah found on it will sink into the receptive heart. The law of the rebellious son is applicable only when the child is thirteen and for the next three months, i.e., at the very inception of his manhood. This points to the importance of a proper foundation in the education of children š that early education forms the Basis of the child's experience and hence is the root and foundation of his life. Avot deRav Nattan expounds on the Mishnah in Pirke Avot (4:25), "One who studies Torah as a child; to what can he be likened? — to ink, written on fresh paper." Just as ink is readily absorbed into new paper, so the Torah learned when young permeates the very fiber of the child's being. Alshich explains the injunction (Mishle 22:6), "Educate the youth according to his path," as a warning to put him on the proper path before he develops the wrong path on his own. The proper beginning is crucial, for it forms the root, and any blemish in the root will manifest itself a thousand-fold in the resultant growth. A strong root, however, insures a healthy plant. The Torah describes the rebellious son as not heeding the voice (kol) of his father and mother. Maharal points out that a kol denotes a voice or noise, something not necessarily intelligible. The rebellious son listens to his parents when

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their words make sense to him, but when their directives are not understood by him, he ignores them. A child must be taught to rely on his parents' instructions and trust in their desire and ability to guide him on the proper path, even though he may not understand or grasps the wisdom of their directions. Though a parent should try to explain to the child the reasons for his directions and instructions, the child must be taught that in the end whether he understands or not, he must accept his parents' authority. He learns from the phrase, "he does not listen to our voices," that to be deemed a rebellious son, both parents must have similar voices. Both parents' guidance must reflect the same values, and they must be consistent in their instruction. If the parents do not speak with one voice, their child cannot be deemed rebellious because the blame for his rebellious behavior is not his alone. The parents must point at their son and say "this son of ours." If the parents are blind and thus incapable of pointing him out, the son cannot be deemed a rebellious son. The requirement that the parents be able to see hints to the necessity of parents viewing each child as an individual, with unique gifts and needs, who must be educated according to his individual personality. If parents are blind predetermined formula, the child can also not be fully blamed. To be classified as a rebellious son, he must steal money from his parents to eat and drink like a glutton. This conduct shows, says Ibn Ezra, a distorted outlook. The glutton makes the pleasures of this world his only goal rather than seeing this world as the place to prepare for eternal spiritual life. The meat and wine he consumed could have been glatt kosher. It is not enough to teach a child that he does not become a Jew in form but not in substance. The Gemara explains that the rebellious son is killed now because if allowed to continue on the same path he will eventually become a robber and murderer. He is killed for his own benefit so that he doesn't lose his portion in the World to Come. From this, we learn the most important lesson of child rearing. A parent must focus on

the souls of his child and his eternal status even more intensely that his physical well-being. What parent would think of exposing his child to even a slight chance of catching a serious communicable disease? How much more so should a parent protect his child from an environment that might exert negative spiritual influences. If we fret over our child's ability to earn a living, how much more so should we be concerned that he or she grow to be a successful Ben or Bat Torah. We should remember in Elul that there is no greater merit for the Day of Judgment than having raised a child properly. The Zohar teaches that when an individual appears before the Heavenly Court after one hundred and twenty years, G-d inquires if he educated his children properly. If the answer is affirmative, Hashem refuses to accept any more testimony against him, for the merit of guiding his children properly overshadows everything else. May we learn the deep lessons contained in the Torah's discussion of the rebellious son so that we merit to raise children fully occupied in Torah and mitzvot. Reprinted with permission from Artscroll Mesorah Publications, ltd. This article is provided as part of Shema Yisrael Torah Network Permission is granted to redistribute electronically or on paper, provided that this notice is included intact. For information on subscriptions, archives, and other Shema Yisrael Classes, send mail to parsha@shemayisrael.co.il

Why Every Child Needs to Hear Stories about the

Holocaust How to Make Your Shabbat

Table a Place Kids Will Want to Be

The incredible power of a good, thought-provoking question. (By Rebbetzin Chana Heller)

Want to craft a meaningful, memorable and fun experience so that your children will look forward to Shabbat? We have so much

Food for thought

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competition for our children’s attention. What can we do that will trump social media, video games and whatever else your kids are glued to? Rabbi Noah Weinberg of blessed memory often said that the best form of Jewish entertainment is asking good questions. That's how we Jews have kept ourselves not only entertained but connected to our Jewish texts and committed to our beautiful lifestyle over thousands of years of darkness, persecution and grinding poverty. Life was found in the study hall and at the Shabbat table, asking and answering deep, thought-provoking questions about life. There is an art to this. You must choose questions appropriate to the various people and ages at your table. You can do it alone with your children or include another family. We have found that it works best with other people at your table; your children will tend to take it more seriously and not joke around. If you make it a regular feature of your Shabbos table, the kids will look forward to it and perhaps even come up with their own questions. We put a question out to the table and call it a “get to know you” question. As soon as we say this, we often see the kids leaning into the table with excitement. Two weeks ago, a young child of one of our guests retorted, “I LOVE these types of questions!” At our table we start with the children before the adults. Everyone gets a chance to answer the question. The benefits:

• You get to know your children better • Your children get to know themselves

and others better • Your children learn how to express

themselves better and speak confidently • Everyone learns how to listen

respectfully to others and respect their differences

• Everyone learns how to validate others (with parent’s role modeling how to respond kindly to all types of answers)

• You connect as a family, the old-fashioned way, with eye contact and real conversation

• You show your children that you want to hear what they have to say; you value their ideas and feelings. You take them seriously. You LISTEN in order to understand and appreciate them, not to refute them and get your own message across. Your kids feel understood and valued.

• Instead of (or in addition to) the passive listening to a dvar Torah, everyone is engaged in the conversation

• Your family will have greater enjoyment of Shabbat

I have added a list of possible questions below. Some are light and fun to get the ball rolling and get everyone comfortable with the exercise. Then you can go deeper. The possibilities are endless, and you can be as creative as you like with your own list of questions.

1. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

2. What is your greatest strength or weakness?

3. If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else who would you pick and what would you do?

4. If you could be any age for a week what age would that be and why?

5. If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life what would it be?

6. What makes you happy or cheers you up if you feel sad?

7. What is your favorite story or book and why?

8. What habit are you proudest about breaking or want to break?

9. What is the most courageous thing you have ever done?

10. Who is your hero and why?

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11. What is something you have learned about yourself this year?

12. If you could spend the day with anyone all by yourself who would it be and why?

13. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

14. What accomplishments are you most proud of?

15. If someone asked you to give them a piece of advice about life what would you say?

16. What’s your biggest fear? 17. Do you ever talk to God aside from

formal prayer? What do you talk about? 18. What do you think makes God proud of

you? 19. What is one of your goals in life? 20. What's the best decision you ever

made? 21. If you could learn skill that you don’t

have now what would you learn? 22. What is your favorite form of exercise? 23. What sound do you love? 24. When do you feel most loved? 25. If you could throw any kind of party what

would it be like and what would it be for? 26. If you could paint a picture of any

scenery you've seen before what would you paint?

27. If you could learn to do anything what would it be?

28. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?

29. If you won the lottery what is the first thing you would do?

30. If you could know the answer to any question what would it be?

31. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad, but it turned out to be for the best?

32. What was one of the hardest things you've ever done?

33. What was the last experience that made you a kinder person?

34. What's the best gift you've ever received?

35. What are you grateful for this week? 36. What is something you learned this

week? 37. What is your best memory so far? 38. Of all the things you have done, what do

you feel most proud of? 39. If you could only keep five possessions

what would they be? 40. What teacher in school have you liked

the best and why? 41. What's your favorite thing to do in your

free time? 42. If you could witness an event of the past

present or future what would it be? 43. Tell me something about someone you

envy. 44. What a good way to make people feel

good about themselves? 45. If you could have one superpower what

would it be and how would you use it? 46. If you could speak another language

which one would it be and why 47. If you could time travel where would you

go, past or future? 48. What is your favorite holiday and why? 49. Have you ever experienced a miracle? 50. When you meet God at 120, what do you

want to ask or say to Him? 51. Who is the rich person? Wise person?

Strong Person? Honored person? Everyone gets a chance to answer each one and you give the answers from Pirkei Avot 4:1.

52. Pick another quote from Pirkei Avos and ask each person what do you think it means? (or any quote you like)

53. What is something you have learned about life from your mother? Your father?

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54. Would you rather by happy, rich or wise and why?

Best Parenting Tip: Be a Great Spouse

Treating each other with utmost love and respect gives your children the greatest gift imaginable. (By Rabbi Eliyahu Heller)

A young girl remembered the following incident from her childhood. “One night my mom made dinner after a long and stressful day at work. She placed a jar of jam and an extremely burnt piece of toast in front of my father. I was waiting to see if Dad noticed the burnt toast, but he just ate it and asked me how my day was. I don’t remember my answer but at the moment my mom apologized for having burned the toast. I will never forget his answer, ‘Honey, I love burnt toast!’ “Later, before bed, I asked my dad if he really loved burnt toast. He wrapped me in his arms and whispered, ‘Your mom had a long and tough day, and she was really tired. Burnt toast never hurt anyone, but words do.’” The way we treat our spouse does not just impact our marriage; it has a lasting effect on our children as well. From a very young age, our children are the most astute observers of everything we do. They don’t miss a thing. The Talmud teaches that whatever a child says out of the house comes from words that were spoken within the home. It goes one step further: the most effective way to raise healthy, adjusted, and happy children is not by focusing on being the best parent but on being the best spouse. Children that grow up in a home where the parents treat each other with utmost love and respect and are each other’s first priority are given the greatest gift imaginable/ They feel safe. They feel love. They feel warmth.

They learn respect. They learn selflessness. They learn not to be lazy. They learn to hold back hurtful words. They learn to be loyal and committed. They learn what it means to be a good friend. They learn how to laugh. They learn how to be compassionate and caring. They learn how to be a listener. They learn how to communicate. They learn to compromise. But most of all, they learn what it means to be a dignified human being. Parents who consistently put their children before their spouses have to reevaluate their priorities. Of course, we need to work on being the best parents we can be. We need to invest time and energy, love and patience in our children. But if we invest only in our children and neglect our marriage, our children will inevitably see double standards. Why does Daddy speak so kindly to me but berates Mommy all the time? Why does Mommy have so much patience for me but can’t seem to care about Daddy after he comes home from a long day at work? Why does Daddy only smile at me and tell me nice things? Why does Mommy prepare dinner for me but not for Daddy? When a child senses these double standards, he initially becomes confused and eventually loses respect. The child loses his hero and the parent loses his legacy. Bottom line: working on being the best spouse you can be is the most effective way to be a good, responsible parent. Your children will be forever grateful and will hold you in the highest regard.

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Falling in Love in Elul What's love got to do with it? (By Rabbi Yisroel Gelber) The month of Elul is an acronym of a verse from Song of Songs, "Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li," "I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me. This concept -- loving G-d and feeling His love for us -- is a central theme of Elul. But this month doesn't have one love-inspiring holiday in it! What is it about this month that represents the relationship of love between us and the Almighty? We all know about the natural love that a parent has for a child. Even before birth, the mother is giving of herself, literally, and the giving never stops. But what about a child's love to his parents? When does the child begin to truly love the parent? I discovered the answer when my oldest son was born. The physical and emotional exhaustion of caring for a newborn -- one that liked to cry and didn't like to sleep -- was like nothing my wife and I had ever encountered before. Thinking about everything our parents had done for us -- happily, too! -- there was no way we could ever repay them. The sheer enormity of their caring for us was bigger than we were. In these life-changing weeks following the birth of our first child when we transformed from being children into parents ourselves, our appreciation and love for our own parents transformed as well. When the child becomes a parent himself and experientially feels how much his parents have done for him, that's when the child begins to truly love and appreciate his parents. To the degree that the child recognizes how much his parents have given him, to that degree his love for his parents will grow. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe writes, "Gratitude awakens love in the receiver and naturally inspires it in the giver as well." This is the key to understanding the experience of love in Elul.

Every year on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur we humbly submit our prayers and supplications to G-d, begging to be inscribed and sealed for a good year. As the season of the High Holidays draws to a close, the rest of the year we watch as our fate unfolds. It is at that last point of the year, the final month of Elul, that we can look back and see the entire past year spread out before us. That's when we can fully appreciate that we were indeed sealed in the Book of Life. We can see the myriad blessings that G-d heaped upon us and our loved ones. And the more we savor the details of the blessings G-d bestowed upon us, the more our appreciation will grow. In Elul we come full circle, back to where we started from, and see with a new depth of feeling the enormous gift of love that G-d has showered upon us. In that moment of gratitude to Him we can feel a deep love for Him. I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me. In all of our relationships -- marriage, friendship, business -- we are natural experts at seeing what those around us are doing wrong. We have to make a real effort to focus on what's going right. But it is only when we re-train our eyes to see how much the other is actually doing and giving for us that our feelings of gratitude and love will grow. Rabbi Wolbe recommends engaging in daily exercises to strengthen our "gratitude muscle," the most potent of which is a verbal recognition of another's kindness. Three times a day practice saying thank you to people who may perform everyday kindness to us. And if you look carefully, you'll see that there are more than enough opportunities. There is the postman who delivers the mail, the cashier who scans our food at the supermarket, and the salesman who helps us find what we need at the store. We are in fact receiving all the time -- from G-d and others around us and have so much to be grateful for. Let's use this Elul as an opportunity to recognize the kindness that others have done for us, and especially to reflect on how much our Father in Heaven has done for us in the past 12 months. As we head into the month of Elul, followed by the High Holidays, may our hearts be so full of appreciation and love for the

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Almighty, and may we all be inscribed in the Book of Life.

Halachot of Elul (Daily Halacha) Selihot – The Recitation of the “Yag Middot”

The primary section of the Selihot service is the “Yag Middot,” the recitation of G-d’s Thirteen Attributes of Mercy, which was established by the Ansheh Kenesset Ha’gedola (Men of the Great Assembly). The Kaf Ha’haim (Rav Yaakob Haim Sofer, Baghdad-Israel, 1870-1939) writes (581:5; listen to audio recording for precise citation) that it is forbidden to recite the “Yag Middot” without concentrating on the words’ meaning. He adds that the words must be recited with fear, awe and trepidation, and with as intense concentration as possible. One should bow when reciting the words “Va’yaabor Hashem Al Panav Vayikra,” and then stand straight for the recitation of “Hashem Hashem.” The custom in Yeshivat Bet-El was to stand up straight when reciting “Vayikra,” and then bow again for “Hashem Hashem.” The Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1833-1909) writes that when reciting “Hashem Hashem,” one should lift himself with his feet, as we do when reciting “Kadosh Kadosh Kadosh” in Nakdishach. One must make a brief pause between the first “Hashem” and the second, as they are separated by a “Pesik” note. The Kaf Ha’haim writes that one who recites them without a brief pause is liable to severe punishment. One should also briefly pause in between the words “Vayikra Be’shem” and “Hashem.” One must recite the “Yag Middot” in a loud voice, just as Moshe Rabbenu declared the attributes in a loud voice. There is a deBase among the commentators in identifying the thirteen attributes. We accept the view of the Arizal (Rav Yishak Luria of Safed, 1534-1572), who listed the attributes as follows: 1) Kel; 2) Rahum; 3) Hanun; 4) Erech; 5) Apayim; 6) Rab Hesed; 7) Emet; 8) Noser Hesed; 9) La’alafim; 10) Noseh Avon; 11) Va’fesha; 12) Ve’hata’a; 13) Ve’nakeh. It is proper to count the attributes with one’s fingers while reciting them.

The “Yag Middot” may only be recited together with a Minyan. If one is in the middle of the recitation when the congregation completes it, he may nevertheless continue and complete the recitation, since he had begun to recite the “Yag Middot” together with them. This is the ruling of the Ben Ish Hai (Parashat Ki-Tisa). Summary:During the month of Elul we are to prepare ourselves for the period of the High Holidays, which begins with Rosh Hashana, continues with Yom Kippur, and reaches its culmination on Hoshana Rabba, when the final judgment is rendered. It was on Rosh Chodesh Elul when Moshe ascended Mount Sinai to beseech the Almighty to forgive Benei Yisrael for the grave sin of the golden calf. Forty days later, on Yom Kippur, G-d announced His forgiveness. Thus, this forty-day period has traditionally been a time of forgiveness, when G-d is – if we are allowed to say such a thing – in a "forgiving mood." It behooves us to take advantage of this unique period and do what we can to earn atonement for the wrongs we committed during the year. • It is proper to read works of Musar during the

month of Elul. One recommended book is "Sha'arei Teshuva," the classic work by Rabbenu Yona (Spain, 1180-1263) describing the process of Teshuva. Other recommended works include Rabbenu Yona's famous letter about repentance known as "Iggeret Ha-Teshuva," and the Rambam's Hilchot Teshuva, which presents the various requirements of Teshuva. Another work, "Orchot Chayim," is divided into thirty sections, which many have the practice of studying on the thirty days of Elul. Some also have the practice to read "Tikunei Ha-Zohar," a collection of inspirational passages from the Zohar (the Basic text of Kabbala). The Kabbalists taught that the reading of this work has the capacity to cleanse and purify one's soul even if he does not understand the material he reads.

• One must be particularly diligent during the month of Elul to recite each night "Keri'at Shema Al Ha'mita" before he goes to sleep. He should include the "Ana" prayer, petitioning G-d for forgiveness for whatever wrongs he may have committed over the course of that day.

• One of the Berachot in the Amida service is that of "Hashivenu," in which we ask G-d to help us perform Teshuva. During the month of Elul, it is proper to insert in this blessing the names of people who have strayed from the proper path of observance, before the concluding blessing "Baruch Ata Hashem Ha'rotzeh Be'tshuva."

Daily halacha

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• Many people have the custom to have their Tefillin and Mezuzot checked during the month of Elul. According to strict Halacha, a person is required to have his Mezuzot checked only twice in seven years, and Tefillin worn every day do not require checking at all. Nevertheless, there are those who make a point of having their Tefillin and Mezuzot checked during Elul.

• Although one must ensure to recite Birkat Ha'levana (the blessing over the moon) every month, the Rabbis admonish us to be particularly diligent with regard to Birkat Ha'levana for the month of Elul.

• In general, one must raise his level of observance during the month of Elul in preparation for the High Holidays, and in the merit of our efforts we should be deserving of a year of peace and happiness for ourselves, our families and our community, Amen.

InterestIng MIdrash (from Torah Tots)

LESSONS IN COMPASSION The 613 mitzvot of the Torah fall into two categories; "Ben Adam Lamakom" between man and G-d - mitzvot which have no direct effect on other people, such as eating kosher, keeping Shabbat, and reciting blessings. "Ben Adam Lachavero" between one person and another - mitzvot that involve interaction with other people and the sensitivities involved. The Parsha Ki Tetze, contains more mitzvot than any other Parsha of the Torah (74 mitzvot). Most of the mitzvot in this Parsha are mitzvot Ben Adam Lachavero - concerning behavior between man and his fellow man. As we near the end of the year and prepare for the new year, we must be very careful in our behavior toward others. "If a bird's nest happens to be before you on the road, on any tree or on the ground - young birds or eggs - and the mother is roosting on the young birds or the eggs, you shall not take the mother with the young. You shall surely send away the mother and take the young for yourself, so that it will be good for you and will prolong your days."

Devarim (Deuteronomy 22:6-7) The Torah forbids one to take an ownerless mother bird when it is sitting on its eggs or young. The Torah commands us to shoo away the mother bird - even many times if it keeps returning to the nest - and only then is one permitted to take the eggs or young. This mitzvah of Shiluach HaKen - sending away the mother bird, shows that we should have compassion for all living things, and should not torment the mother bird by taking her offspring in her presence. " You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together." Devarim (Deuteronomy 22:10) The Torah forbids one to harness two different types of animals together. This prohibition applies not only to oxen and donkeys or plowing, but also to any coupling of any two different species, for any kind of work. (Rashi). The Da'at Zekeinim, (a collection of comments on the Torah by the Tosafist school of the 12th and 13th centuries), explains that one of the reasons for this prohibition may be the fact that an ox chews its cud, whereas a donkey does not. Imagine the pain that the donkey would feel if, while they are both hungry for rest and nutrition as they labor side by side under the yoke, the donkey would turn his head, and see the ox chewing its cud. "When did he get food?" the donkey would be thinking, pained by the fact that the ox has food and he does not. "You shall not muzzle an ox while it is threshing." Devarim (Deuteronomy 25:4) Threshing is the process that separates wheat from its husks. This is accomplished by stepping on the wheat. The husks split off and are left behind. Oxen are used to step on the wheat. One is not allowed to muzzle the ox; thereby preventing it from eating the wheat while it is threshing. The ox becomes hungry while working. To prevent him from eating would be a cruelty. The Torah is admonishing us to be sensitive to the pain of animals. The mitzvot to send away the mother bird, not to muzzle a working animal, and not to harness two different types of animals together fall under the category of Tza-ar Ba-alei Chayim - cruelty to animals. These mitzvot remind us that all living things must be treated with care and respect and that we must not let creatures suffer. But there's more to it.

Kidz Corner

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The Ramban, one of the greatest leaders and Torah commentaries of the Middle Ages, explains that one of the reasons for the mitzvah of Shiluach HaKen, is so that we do not develop within ourselves a trait of cruelty by grossly causing discomfort to the mother bird by allowing her to witness the taking of her young. With regards to muzzling an animal, the Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 596) explains the reason behind this mitzvah. We must teach ourselves to be compassionate. When we accustom ourselves to always seeking the kind and benevolent path even towards animals, how much more so we will learn to be compassionate towards human Beings. In all of these scenarios, as well as in numerous other places, the Torah is teaching us an incredible lesson in the sensitivity that we must have in recognizing - and preventing - the distress and discomfort of others. Kindness to animals is related to kindness in human Beings. The Torah teaches us that we have a greater obligation to our fellow man than to animals. That does not mean that we can be cruel to animals. We must look at it the other way. We must be kind even to animals. How much more so must we be kind to human Beings. If the Torah can be so demanding about how sensitive we are to these animals, how much more so must we be sensitive to other people. Rabbi Paysach Krohn, a popular author and lecturer, expresses this idea in his book, "In the Footsteps of the Maggid" (pg. 142). He includes the following true story, which recalls the sensitivity towards one's fellowman and exemplifies how far we must go to prevent another person's discomfort: There once was a quiet, kind, and unassuming Jew, a Holocaust survivor, who came to this country as a teenager. Money did not come easily as he struggled throughout his life to eke out a meager livelihood to support his family. When he was older, retired from his daily endeavor to earn a livelihood, he would always carry a roll of quarters with him. No one knew the reason for this seemingly strange behavior. It was only after he passed away, that the reason was revealed.. At the Shul (synagogue) where this man prayed daily, poor people would often come around, asking for contributions. Most people would give change in various denominations. This man realized that if he were to take out a dollar bill, intending to ask for change, the poor person would feel a momentary surge of excitement at the prospect of Ben g given a whole dollar instead of his usual change. This

fleeting hope would be quickly shattered, when change would be requested, and that excitement would revert to disappointment. Rather than play with another person's emotions, and in order to avoid the poor person's momentary discomfort, this man would walk around with a roll of quarters, so he would always have the correct change when it was needed for his daily contributions. This story should serve as an example of how extremely sensitive we must be to the feelings of others, constantly striving to prevent them from experiencing any unnecessary discomfort. When someone needs a helping hand, no matter how big or how small, it is our duty to offer it. For if the Torah can be so concerned about an animal's temporary discomfort, we are certainly expected to go out of our way to help a person in need. And if we must be so careful to prevent someone from suffering, even from the momentary disappointment that a poor person would feel when realizing that he will only be given a percentage of what he was anticipating, how much more so must we not be the instigators of that discomfort by humiliating, ridiculing, or disparaging others. Through this awareness, may we be able to fulfill all of the mitzvot - both those between man and Hashem and those between man and his fellow man - with the proper sensitivity and respect for one another.

Kid’z Korner (Revach)

Time To Declare War? After eight months of being stepped on and abused, being the subject of lies and rumors, a friend of mine who is one of the gentlest and mild mannered people I know, told me that he will tell the other party that he now realizes that a war is being waged against him and he is declaring war as well. No more Mr. Nice Guy and no more will he delude himself into believing that their differences will be settled amicably. Now he is ready to fight. Shoteh SheBaOlam! My dear friend you are a fool. What will this declaration achieve for you? Until now the other side is fighting with every dirty trick they can dream of, all this with the comfort of knowing that you are sleeping. Can

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you imagine how much harder your adversary will fight when they realize you are rumbling about arising from your drunken delusional stupor? Not only that, but your adversary has a carefully crafted war strategy and you have nothing but you hopeless innocence. You don't begin to fathom what war even entails and you are far from prepared to carry it out. Sorry my friend but you are no match for your adversary, certainly not with this attitude. "Ki Tetze LaMilchama Al Oivecha", when you wage war on your enemy (Ki Tetze 21:1). The Sefarim HaKedoshim tell us that this enemy is the Yetzer Hara. With the Yetzer Hara, it is war every single day of our lives. How can we win this war against this evil genius who seems to know exactly which one of our string to pull at precisely the right moment? The Klausenberger Rebbe once revealed his secret to success as a child in Yeshiva. With this secret he managed to learn far more than all his friends. What was his secret? On the first day one kid would come in and say, this year I will learn the whole Masechta by heart. Then the next one would then get up and declare his ambitious goals. Down the line each one would would brag what they plan on achieving. Me, said the Klausenberger Rebbe, I just kept quiet. My plan was to come to yeshiva each day and learn the best I could. Why did I end up learning more than all those who bragged, while they fell far short of their hopes and dreams? When the Yetzer Hara heard their declarations he armed himself for war and made it his business to deter them. With me there was nothing to bother with. I waged war, they only declared it. The Torah doesn't say Ki "Yachriz" Milchama Al Oivecha, when you declare war on the Yetzer Hara. Declarations are meaningless at best and very harmful at worst. Only when Ki Tetze, when you keep your mouth closed and actually go out and fight the fight of your life, only then "U'Ntano Hashem Elokecha B'Yadecha", then Hashem will hand the enemy over to you and you will be victorious. "V'Eilu Chayav L'Hachriz". If you are only making Hachrazos or declarations, says the Mishna in Eilu Metziot, it is a clear sign that you have already lost.

La véritable Guerre… "Lorsque tu sortiras en guerre contre ton

ennemi, Hachem le livrera entre tes mains. Si tu vois une femme qui te plaît parmi les

prisonnières que tu ramèneras, tu la prendras pour femme. Tu l'emmèneras dans ta demeure ...Elle pleurera son père et sa mère pendant un

mois: ensuite tu la convertiras et elle sera ta femme."

La Torah, dans la paracha de la semaine Ki-Tetsé, enseigne que lorsqu’un soldat désirait une prisonnière non juive, alors il pouvait la prendre pour femme après l'avoir convertie. Rachi zal, à partir du traité de Kidouchine, explique qu'Hachem connaît la nature de l'homme. Il sait par conséquent que si un soldat éprouve du désir envers une captive, il la prendra pour épouse malgré l'interdiction de se marier avec un non juif. La Torah préfère donc lui permettre de la convertir et de l'épouser de manière permise plutôt qu'il reste avec elle de façon interdite. De nombreux commentateurs s'étonnent à la lecture de ce passage. En effet, dans la paracha de la semaine dernière, Choftim, la Torah nous indiqua que tous les soldats qui se trouvaient face au front d'une guerre facultative et qui avaient peur étaient renvoyés chez eux. Or Rabi Yossi Agalilé enseignait que la Torah parle de celui qui avait peur des fautes qu'il avait commises. Car la promesse qu'Hachem donne la victoire n'a été faite qu'au juste parfait. Et même s'il n'avait transgressé qu'un interdit des sages comme de parler entre la mise des Téfilines du bras et de la tête, il n'avait pas le droit de faire ces guerres. Si c'est ainsi, comment comprendre la paracha de cette semaine? Comment ces Tsadikim parfaits pouvaient subitement désirer une prisonnière non juive pour épouse? Il est écrit dans le livre Hovot Alévavot (les devoirs du cœur) dans le Chaar Ayihoud Amassé perek 5: "On raconte qu'un jour un homme pieux vit des soldats joyeux revenir d'une guerre très difficile avec beaucoup de butin. Il leur dit:

Pour Les Francophones

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-"vous êtes revenus vainqueurs d'une petite guerre, préparez-vous à présent à une grande Basaille!" - "Quelle est cette grande guerre dont tu parles, s’exclamèrent les soldats?" -" Celle contre le mauvais penchant et ses acolytes". Nos sages expliquent que lorsque deux armées s'affrontent et que l'une d'entre elles l'emporte une, deux fois ou trois fois, les vaincus comprennent qu'ils sont face à une force supérieure et arrêtent de faire la guerre. A l'inverse, le Yetser Ara, le mauvais penchant, ne s'avoue jamais vaincu. Même si un homme prend le dessus des milliers de fois, il essaye de le faire tomber jusqu'à son dernier souffle. Comme il est enseigné dans les maximes des pères dans le second chapitre au nom d'Hillel: "n'aie pas confiance en toi jusqu'au jour de ta mort". Il existe ainsi de nombreux exemples de justes qui chutèrent entre les mains de cet ennemi après de nombreuses années. La guémara de Brakhot (29, a) raconte qu'il y avait un Cohen Gadol, un grand prêtre, qui servit 80 ans au Temple avant de quitter le droit chemin. La Torah nous enseigne dans la paracha de la semaine combien nous devons nous méfier du véritable ennemi qui sommeille en nous. Nous sommes sur un front... Si même les tsadikim qui partaient en guerre, vierges de toute faute, étaient susceptibles de désirer des femmes étrangères, chacun d'entre nous, à plus forte raison, doit être vigilant à chaque instant. Nous connaissons tous de bons pères de famille qui abandonnèrent tout pour un vent de folie. Des hommes honnêtes qui passèrent quelques années de prison à cause d'un délit sans risque...Nul n'est à l'abri de ce bandit. C'est pour cela qu'il ne faut jamais se croire hors d'atteinte et ne jamais Betser sa garde. Cependant, nos sages nous ont dévoilés que cette paracha nous livre les moyens de surmonter cette guerre: Ainsi "lorsque tu partiras en guerre contre ton Ennemi, le Yester Ara, sache qu'Hachem le livrera en tes mains". Comme il est écrit: "celui qui veut se purifier reçoit l'aide Divine." Et plus encore: tu reviendras avec des prisonniers. Tu pourras transformer tes fautes en Mitsvot, car tout celui

qui fait Téchouva, qui se repent avec amour, ses fautes lui sont considérées comme des Mitsvot. Ainsi, lorsque tu rencontras une femme séduisante, le mauvais penchant, emmène-la dans ta maison, la maison d'étude. Car le seul moyen de gagner une guerre est de posséder une arme. Notre arme est l'étude de la Torah et des livres demorale. Un homme qui n'étudie pas régulièrement des textes de morale ne peut pas lutter contre son mauvais penchant. Pendant un mois, elle pleurera son père et sa mère. Le Ari zal enseigne au nom du Zohar que ce mois, c’est le mois d'Elloul. S'il existe une période dans l'année propice à cette lutte, c'est le mois dans lequel nous sommes entrés. Ce qu'un homme peut accomplir en un jour pendant ce mois paraît accessible avec un mois de travail durant le reste de l'année. Pour cela, il faut pleurer envers notre père céleste pour qu'Il nous aide et nous pardonne. Et envers notre mère, l’assemblée d'Israël, il ne faut pas oublier de demander pardon à ceux que l'on a blessés ou abusés. Voilà l'un des messages de notre paracha, qui sera pour nous la meilleure préparation pour le grand jugement qui approche à grands pas. Nous vous souhaitons ChaBat Chalom et vous disons à très bientôt. Paroles du rav Rozemblum chlita.

La Grande Guerre

Les parachiottes que nous lisons pendant le mois d’Elloul évoquent souvent le sujet de la guerre. Les sages et notamment les Baalé Moussar virent en cela une allusion à la grande guerre que chaque juif doit mener : celle contre le Yetser Ara, le mauvais penchant. Dans le livre de la paracha du rav Eliahou Hassan sur Vayikra, se trouve cette belle histoire du Rav Zouché qui illustre admirablement cette lutte : Rabbi Zouché vécut toute sa vie dans une grande pauvreté. Lorsqu’arriva le moment où sa fille fut en âge de fonder un foyer, il n’avait pas le moindre sou pour subvenir même au strict nécessaire, ses poches étaient vides. Les membres de sa famille l’incitèrent à chercher

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une solution. Rabbi Zouché savait qu’Hachem lui viendrait en aide, il était mû par une foi à toute épreuve. Un jour il reçut une lettre de son maitre, le Maguid de Mizritch (zatsal), lui demandant de lui rendre visite. Rabbi Zouché prit la route sans attendre, et se rendit chez son Rav. Le Maguid lui dit en préambule : « Je sais que tu dois très prochainement marier ta fille, et que tu n’as pas le moindre sou. Tiens ! Voici pour toi 500 roubles et que cela t’aide à trouver un bon ‘hatan (fiancé) pour ta fille. » Sur le chemin du retour, Rabbi Zouché se restaura dans une petite auberge, et tout à coup il entendit des cris et des lamentations, il regarda à travers la fenêtre et assista à une scène qui lui brisa le cœur : un ‘hatan venait de rompre son engagement avec une orpheline… Que s’était-il donc passé? Rabbi Zouché sortit de l’auberge afin de comprendre. Les passants lui racontèrent que la pauvre veuve, maman de la fiancée devait remettre la dot juste avant le mariage, soit 500 roubles qu’elle était parvenue à amasser après beaucoup d’efforts, seulement… La somme avait disparu ! Perdue, volée… ? Le ‘hatan, lui-même orphelin, venait donc d’annoncer qu’il rompait les fiançailles. Les pleurs de la mère allaient en grandissant, associés aux larmes de la jeune fiancée, c’en était trop pour Rabbi Zouché, son cœur clément s’enflamma et soudain il s’écria au beau milieu de la rue : « J’ai trouvé l’argent! J’ai trouvé l’argent! » La joie put se lire instantanément sur le visage de la mère, de la fille, ainsi que de tous les passants. La foule s’attroupa autour du sauveur, et il dit à tous qu’il avait en effet trouvé une importante somme d’argent, il s’agissait à présent de vérifier s’il s’agissait bien de l’argent de la veuve, pour cela il demanda des signes : Combien de coupures de 10 ? Combien de coupures de 50 ? Etc. La veuve répondit à toutes ses questions, et Rabbi Zouché déclara qu’il reviendrait dans les 10 minutes avec la somme. Entre-temps il se rendit chez un changeur d’argent, il lui tendit

son argent et lui demanda de l’échanger en autant de coupure de 10 et de 50 correspondant au total. Il revint ensuite sur la place, une enveloppe à la main et fièrement il annonça : « Voici l’argent, voici l’argent ! ». Il le tendit à la veuve, celle-ci se mit à compter : 500 roubles exactement, ce qu’elle avait perdu. Toute l’assemblée applaudit le Rav, une pluie de bénédiction s’abattit sur lui ; puis soudain, Rabbi Zouché fit le silence, et a l’étonnement de tous il demanda…une récompense! Pour avoir retrouvé l’argent: Dix pour cent de la somme! Toute l’assemblée outrée n’en revenait pas ! Ils avaient tous pensé se trouver face d’un véritable Tsadik, mais en vérité il s’agissait d’un vaurien. Les gens changèrent de visage et n’hésitèrent pas à le molester : « Tu n’as pas honte !… » Rabbi Zouché ne changea pas de position pour autant, et il continua à réclamer son dû ! Les gens de la ville le menacèrent: s’il continuait, ils l’emmèneraient chez le rav de la ville… ce qu’ils firent voyant que le malotru persistait dans sa mesquinerie de demander dix pour cent ! Le Rav écouta l’histoire et conclut qu’il n’avait aucun droit sur cet argent. On finit donc par lui arracher l’enveloppe des mains et on le jeta de la ville comme un malpropre. Reb Zouché reprit sa route sans un sou pour marier sa fille… Quelques temps plus tard le Maguid de Mezrich rencontra le Rav de cette ville où avait eu lieu l’incident, ce dernier voulut le mettre en garde contre un certain individu qui à sa connaissance avait fréquenté le Maguid. Le Rav lui raconta comment cet homme sans scrupules n’hésita pas à vouloir prendre une commission sur la dot de la pauvre orpheline…Le Maguid comprit immédiatement qu’il s’agissait en réalité de Rabbi Zouché, mais il ne comprit pas du tout sa réaction, pourquoi avait-il demandé une commission ? A la première occasion, il dit à Rabbi Zouché qu’il était au courant au sujet de la veuve, de sa fille et des cinq cents roubles, il y avait pourtant une chose qu’il ne parvenait pas à comprendre, pourquoi après avoir renoncé à tout son argent, bien qu’il en eût un besoin urgent, avait-il gâché

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cette extraordinaire Mitsva en demandant une prime? Rabbi Zouché lui répondit alors : « Lorsque je vis la détresse de la veuve et de sa fille, ma pitié grandit au point d’envahir tout mon être, c’est donc sans la moindre hésitation que je passai à l’acte. Dans la plus grande discrétion je décidai de leur donner toute la somme que je possédais, en faisant croire que je l’avais trouvée. Seulement lorsque je me rendis à l’auberge pour chercher l’argent, un compagnon de route imprévu m’accompagna : Mon Yetser Hara ! Il commença à me murmurer à l’oreille : Reb Zouché ! Qu’est-ce que tu peux être Tsadik ! Extraordinaire ! Y a-t-il dans le monde une personne qui accomplisse une Mitsva d’une telle ampleur ? Non seulement tu renonces à la dot de ta fille, mais en plus tu fais semblant d’avoir trouvé cet argent ! Ah tu m’épates. Je compris qu’il avait l’intention de me faire tomber dans l’orgueil. Je me dis alors que j’allais lui donner une bonne leçon : « Tu vas voir qu’ils vont non seulement prendre tout mon argent, mais ils vont me jeter de la ville comme un malpropre ! »

El Poder del Hábito “Un amonita o un moabita no entrará en la congregación de Di-s… porque no salieron a recibirlos para darles pan y agua en el camino cuando ustedes salieron de Egipto” 1.

Los hombres de Amón y Moav manifestaron un defecto en la cualidad de la bondad al negarse a dar pan y agua al pueblo judío. Esta es una de las razones por las que nunca pueden ser parte del mismo. El Melitz Iosher nota que esta incapacidad de ser buenos anfitriones es más difícil de entender si tenemos en cuenta que Lot es el patriarca de estos pueblos. Lot sobresalió en hajnasat orjim (recibir huéspedes), incluso arriesgó su vida para proteger a los ángeles que llegaron a Sodoma. ¿Cómo es posible que

esta cualidad despareciera por completo en unas pocas generaciones y que sus descendientes mostraran semejante indiferencia? El Melitz Iosher responde que si una persona hace actos de bondad porque en su interior reconoce la importancia de lo que está haciendo y porque genuinamente desea ayudar a los demás, entonces la bondad se arraiga en sus descendientes durante muchas generaciones. Sin embargo, si la bondad se lleva a cabo por mero hábito, no es internalizada por las generaciones futuras. Lot sobresalió por su bondad, pero eso se debió tan sólo a que creció en la casa de Abraham, el paradigma de la bondad. Lot no llegó a reconocer la importancia de la bondad, sino que la practicó por hábito. Actos como los de Lot, que no llegan a formar parte del alma de la persona, no duran mucho tiempo2. Si analizamos profundamente la bondad de Lot, podemos entender la importante lección que señala el Alter de Slobodka. En la historia del rescate de Lot de Sodoma, la Torá nos dice que Di-s recordó a Abraham y, por eso, salvó a Lot3. El Midrash explica cuál fue el incidente que permitió que Lot fuera rescatado. Cuando Abraham y Sará fueron a Egipto, Abraham dijo que Sará era su hermana. Lot podría haber revelado a los egipcios la verdad y, probablemente, ganar una gran cantidad de dinero a cambio. El Alter pregunta: Lot se salvó de la destrucción de Sodoma por no cometer el horrendo acto de delatar a su propio tío, ¡pero sin ninguna duda su sacrificio para realizar hajnasat orjim en Sodoma debería haber sido la fuente de su mérito! Él responde que debido a que la hajnasat orjim de Lot fue resultado de su crianza y no algo que hubiera internalizado en sí mismo, eso no reflejó un nivel elevado y, por lo tanto, no merecía una recompensa. En contraste, Lot tenía un gran deseo natural por el dinero, tan grande que estuvo sumamente tentado de, al menos, insinuarles a los egipcios que Sará era la esposa de Abraham y no su hermana. En esta área no tuvo la ayuda del hábito para actuar bien, sino que necesitó recurrir a su autocontrol. En esta ocasión consiguió hacer lo correcto gracias a su propio esfuerzo y por eso

Reflexion semanal

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su capacidad para evitar ser informante se considera más grandiosa que su impresionante bondad en Sodoma4. Vemos aquí un ejemplo del principio conocido como nekudat habejirá (el punto de libre albedrío), que explica Rabí Eliahu Dessler. Rabí Dessler afirma que cada persona no es juzgada exclusivamente de acuerdo con sus mitzvot y sus buenas acciones, sino de acuerdo con el grado en que se mejora a sí misma a través de su propio esfuerzo. En consecuencia, la persona es juzgada de acuerdo con su propio estándar, que tiene en cuenta su crianza, las influencias de su entorno y sus inclinaciones naturales. Esto explica por qué nunca podemos juzgar a otra persona hasta que no estamos en su lugar. Nunca podemos entender la naturaleza de las pruebas que otra persona enfrenta, porque es imposible llegar a conocer todos los factores que afectan su vida. Es cierto que hay recompensa por cada mitzvá realizada. Sin embargo, la recompensa principal es por luchar contra el iétzer hará (inclinación al mal) y por usar nuestro libre albedrío para convertirnos en una persona mejor. Por lo tanto, quien crece en un medio que ayuda a la observancia de la Torá y al desarrollo de buenas cualidades, no recibe su recompensa principal por hacer aquello a lo cual fue educado y lo que le resulta natural5. Al acercarnos a elul, este concepto asusta. Podemos asumir que todas las mitzvot que hacemos serán puestas en la balanza contra nuestros pecados, sin embargo la fuerza de cada mitzvá es juzgada de acuerdo con el grado de libre albedrío que estuvo en juego. En consecuencia, las mitzvot que se cumplen simplemente porque así nos enseñaron a hacerlo, pierden buena parte de su poder. ¿Cómo podemos contrarrestar la fuerza del hábito? Rabí Dessler remarca la necesidad absoluta de trabajar en áreas de crecimiento personal6. Estas incluyen el estudio de musar7, el estudio del significado de la plegaria y un análisis general de la dirección de nuestras vidas. Por supuesto, es difícil comprometerse a hacer muchas cosas al mismo tiempo, pero elul es un período apto para enfocarse en un área de Avodat Hashem en la cual el hábito se haya

vuelto la norma y tratar de aumentar el significado interior de nuestras acciones en ese campo. La recompensa a ese esfuerzo es inmensa: podemos estar seguros de que nuestras acciones exteriores serán internalizadas en nuestro ser y, en consecuencia, nuestros descendientes tendrán una posibilidad mucho mayor de seguir en el camino de la Torá.

NOTAS: 1) Ki Tetzé, 23:4-5. 2) Melitz Iosher, citado en Talelei Orot, Devarim, pág. 47. 3) Vaierá, 19:29. 4) El Alter de Slobodka, citado y explicado en Mijtav MeEliahu, tercer tomo págs. 131-132. 5) Mijtav MeEliahu, primer tomo, págs. 115-116. 6) Ibíd. Tercer tomo, pág. 138. 7) Musar se refiere al estudio y la contemplación de obras que alientan el crecimiento personal.

Aprovechando al Máximo

Nuestras Fortalezas

“Un amoní o un moabí no entrará en la congregación de Di-s; incluso su décima generación no entrará en la congregación de Di-s, hasta la eternidad, porque no fueron al encuentro de ustedes con pan y agua en el camino cuando salieron de Mitzráim, y porque alquilaron contra ti a Bilam hijo de Beor, de Petor, Aram Naharaim, para maldecirte” (1). La Torá nos dice que Amón y Moab son las únicas naciones que tienen prohibido entrar al pueblo judío y da dos razones para explicar este trato tan severo. La primera de ellas es que no fueron hospitalarios con el pueblo judío en el desierto, y la segunda es que contrataron a Bilam para que los maldijera. Los comentaristas preguntan por qué la Torá iguala la falta de hospitalidad con la contratación de Bilam, un delito que aparentemente era mucho peor que el primero. El Beerot Itzjak (2) explica que la Torá considera la falta de hospitalidad de Amón y Moab (3) como un pecado horrendo, ya que ellos habían heredado una tendencia natural hacia la hospitalidad de Lot, su ancestro. A pesar de sus defectos, Lot es descrito como un sujeto sumamente hospitalario que realizó la mitzvá de hajnasat orjim (hospedar invitados) en Sodoma, donde estuvo dispuesto incluso a arriesgar su vida con tal de satisfacer las necesidades de los viajeros.

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Dado que eran sus descendientes, Amón y Moab heredaron este mismo rasgo de personalidad, y pese a esto, actuaron en contra de su naturaleza y se rehusaron a ofrecerle pan y agua al pueblo judío que deambulaba por el desierto. Y a pesar de que contratar a Bilam para que maldijera a los judíos era objetivamente un acto mucho más nocivo, de acuerdo al nivel de libre albedrío de ellos, negarle hospitalidad a los judíos fue un pecado igualmente serio y mereció por lo tanto un castigo del mismo nivel. Hay muchas lecciones que podemos aprender del error de Moab al no utilizar sus fortalezas naturales. Primero vemos que una persona es juzgada de acuerdo a su propia nekudat habejirá (punto de libre albedrío) (4) y, por lo tanto, es juzgada más estrictamente en las áreas donde es más fuerte. En Base a esto vemos que mejorar nuestros puntos fuertes debería ser parte esencial de nuestro crecimiento espiritual. En esta línea, el ejemplo de Amón y Moab es particularmente instructivo; ¿por qué fallaron en un área donde naturalmente sobresalían? La respuesta es que su buen nivel en el rasgo de hajnasat orjim no derivó de un esfuerzo importante por parte de ellos, sino que era un rasgo de nacimiento que habían heredado de sus ancestros. Y dado que su hajnasat orjim no se regía por los parámetros de la Torá, era casi inevitable que en algunas circunstancias fuese mal utilizada u omitida. Cuando Amón y Moab vieron que el pueblo judío se acercaba, su inclinación natural fue ofrecerles pan y agua, pero su odio y temor al pueblo de Israel superó su rasgo de bondad y por lo tanto, no les ofrecieron la ayuda tan necesitada. Vemos de aquí que si una persona no trabaja en sus fortalezas naturales internas y las alinea con los requisitos de la Torá, las terminará desperdiciando o utilizando de mala forma. Por ejemplo, una persona naturalmente amigable puede, en ocasiones, cuando está cansada, no desear esforzarse para fraternizar con un extraño. En este caso, su rasgo natural no es lo suficientemente fuerte como para conducirlo por el camino correcto porque se enfrenta a otra cosa —en este caso al cansancio— lo cual dificulta su aplicación. Sin embargo, si luchara

para ser amigable —dado que es una gran mitzvá hacer sentir bien a la gente— sería mucho más probable que superara su cansancio e hiciera el esfuerzo necesario para acercarse a la otra persona. Otra importante lección que podemos aprender de Amón y Moab es lo mucho que podrían haber logrado si hubieran llevado su rasgo de bondad a su máximo potencial: si hubieran salido y le hubieran ofrecido pan y agua al pueblo judío, entonces probablemente la Torá hubiera registrado ese granDi-so acto de bondad para la eternidad y obviamente les hubiera permitido entrar al pueblo judío (5). Sin embargo, dado que no utilizaron sus fuerzas como corresponde, son tratados con el más grande de los desprecios. Vemos de aquí que una persona puede alcanzar logros granDi-sos si maximiza sus fortalezas y que el hecho de no hacerlo es castigado con gran severidad. El Jafetz Jaim destacó este punto en su libro Jomat Hadat (Fortaleza de Fe), el cual fue un pedido exhortando a las personas a ayudar a salvar a la nación judía de las muchas influencias negativas que la rodeaban. En este libro, él escribió extensamente sobre la necesidad de que cada persona utilice sus fortalezas al máximo (por ejemplo, una persona que fue bendecida con la capacidad de hablar en público debería dar clases en público). Esto también aplica a los rasgos personales; es muy probable que el propósito de la vida de una persona involucre utilizar sus rasgos positivos al máximo. De Amón y Moab aprendemos cómo NO utilizar las fortalezas que tenemos; quiera Di-s que todos aprendamos esta lección para bien y aprovechemos al máximo esos regalos que Di-s nos dio.

NOTAS: 1) Ki Tetzé 23:4-5. 2) Rav Ierujam Fishel Goldwasser, citado en Lékaj Tov, Devarim, Segunda Parte p. 63. 3) Algunos comentaristas escriben que Moab no fue culpable de no ofrecer pan y que Amón no fue culpable de contratar a Bilam. Para mantener la simplicidad utilizaremos la explicación de que amBas naciones fueron culpables de ambos pecados. 4) Rav Dessler ztz”l escribe extensamente sobre este tópico en Mijtav MeEliahu. 5) También es interesante notar que Rut, la descendiente femenina de Moab, se caracteriza por su gran jésed: ella usó esta midá extensamente y, en consecuencia, alcanzó logros increíbles, incluyendo ser la progenitora de David Hamélej y el Mashíaj.

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Nahala of The Maharal of Prague Wednesday the 18th of Elul

Rav Yehuda Loew, the Maharal (1525-1609). Born in Posen, Poland, on the night of the Pesach Seder, to a distinguished family of rabbis that traced its ancestry to King Dovid. He was the youngest of four brothers. The Maharal married at the age of 32 to Pearl. He had six girls and one boy who was named after the Maharal's father, Betzalel. In 1553 he was elected rabbi of Nikolsburg and the Province of Moravia, where he remained for the following 20 years. In 1573 he moved to Prague, where he opened a yeshiva. In 1592 the Maharal accepted the position of rabbi in Posen, returning to Prague in 1598 to serve as its chief rabbi. The Maharal castigated the educational methods of his day where boys were taught at a very young age and insisted that children must be taught in accordance with their intellectual maturity. One of his leading disciples was R. Yom Tov Heller, author of the classic mishnaic commentary, Tosafos Yom Tov, who, in his introduction informs us that the Maharal greatly encouraged group study of the Mishna. At the same time, he was fully conversant with the scientific knowledge of his time as well as friendly with some of the contemporary eminent scientists. His disciple, Dovid Ganz, worked in the observatory of Tycho Brahe, the distinguished astronomer. He was a prolific writer, and his works include: Tiferes Yisrael on the greatness of Torah and mitzvos; Nesivos Olam, on ethics; Be'er Hagolah, a commentary on rabbinic sayings; Netzach Yisrael, on exile and redemption; Or Chadash, on the book of Esther; Ner Mitzvah, on Chanukah; Gevuros Hashem, on the Exodus; and many others. Rav Kook stated that the "Maharal was the father of the approach of the Gaon of Vilna on the one hand, and of the father of Chasidus, on the other hand." He has been described as a Kabbalist who wrote in philosophic garb.

Nahala of Rav Abdala Somech

Wednesday the 18th of Elul

Rav Abdala Somech, rebbe of Ben Ish Chai and head of Iraqi Jewry (1813-1889). Born in Baghdad, he traced his lineage back to Rav Nissim Gaon, head of the yeshivah of Neharda'ah.

Everyone Else Is Doing It The police officer was in no mood for excuses. I was caught red-handed. (By Dr. Jacob L. Freedman)

I did something illegal last year. The parking lot where a lot of us leave our cars is right at the corner of a one-way street and technically, you aren’t supposed to back out onto the main road. You’re supposed to go out the right way even though it’s a bit longer and makes you wait at the stoplight on the corner. But everyone does it and apparently everyone’s been doing it for years since before I even moved into the community. One night last year I was backing out of the parking lot and onto the main road – like I’d done a million times before – when I saw the lights flashing and knew I’d better get my story straight. I had my license and registration ready for the police officer but it was clear he didn’t have time for shenanigans. No time for “I have a clean driving record,” no “I’m a doctor and I have to get to the hospital because it’s an emergency,” and certainly no “I went to high school with Officer Callahan and we played lacrosse together.” So all I could do was to tell him, “I’m sorry.” He laughed and asked me, “For what?” “For driving the wrong way on the one-way street.” “Why’d you do it then?” “Because everyone else does it so often that I honestly forgot it’s illegal.” He looked at my license again and then back at me before saying, “Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to drive the wrong way. Don’t you know that it’s illegal because it’s dangerous?” “Can you give me a break if I promise never to do it again?” I was embarrassed. His arguments were flawless in their simplicity. I deserved the ticket he was about to write but then I had an idea and asked, “Can you give me a break if I promise never to do it again?” “Sure,” he said. “But do you mean it?”

Nahalot

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“I’ll try my best, that’s all I can do,” I told him. “If that’s the case then I’ll wish you a good night and hope you’ll be safe. Remember that any friend of Officer Callahan’s is a friend of mine.” How he knew about Callahan is beyond me and I’d just as well take it without asking one too many questions. Power of Peer Pressure Most people don’t start their day with a plan to do anything wrong, they just happen to fall into the trap of following everyone else. Nobody teaches their children that it’s ok to smoke cigarettes or to swear but once another kid in the neighborhood is doing it, suddenly parents are finding cigarettes outside on the porch and hearing all sorts of language they never dreamed of. Stealing from the corner store is clearly immoral but if friend from class is doing it then it’s hard for an adolescent to resist the temptation. Peer pressure is a powerful force! The Talmud (Eruvin 53) relates a story about the power of peer pressure to remind us that even the greatest of people must be vigilant of this trap. While traveling down the road, Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Chananya took a shortcut through a field. On this path, he was approached by a young girl who asked him, “Isn’t this someone’s field that you’re walking across?” To this the Rabbi answered, “This is a well-worn path that I’m walking on.” The girl was not impressed and scolded him, “It’s a well-worn path because of thieves like you who didn’t respect someone else’s property!” Peer pressure was a problem back then and it was problem 100 years ago when Rabbi Yosef Haim of Baghdad wrote in his book Ben Ish Chai, “It is a common thing amongst children to act improperly and say, ‘it’s the way of the world.’ The proper response to this is ‘it’s only the way of the world because immoral people are making it so.’” Peer pressure is still a problem and can make the brightest and most wonderful of people do ridiculous things – clearly it played a role when a local doctor was caught driving the wrong way down a one-way street! So while changing the culture of the world may be a tremendous job, taking stock of one’s own actions is a bit easier. As we find ourselves in

the Jewish month of Elul, preparing ourselves for Rosh Hashanah, it’s a proper time to assess whether our actions reflect our own wisdom or whether we are just doing something because everyone else is. As my mother would say, “Remember that just because your friends are doing it doesn’t make it cool.” No one wakes up and says, “Today I’m going to develop a Ponzi scheme because it’s only illegal when you get caught,” yet the most common rationalization we hear is some variation of Jimmy did it so why can’t I. I get it in my clinic every day when a husband justifies mistreating his wife or a mother defends bullying her child. Ever since my brush with the law I’ve driven the right way on that one-way street, even though it takes longer. I can’t promise that I won’t slip up in the future but I am trying my best. I think Officer Callahan -- and the Almighty – would be proud.

Three Steps to Genuine Change

Getting free from our self-erected prison. (By Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller)

One of the most harrowing pictures I ever saw appeared in Newsweek. The camera caught a glimpse into a life that had, in many senses, vanished before it even began. A child, who could not have been more than three or four years old, was carrying building materials. We would call him a pre-schooler; in today's Sudan, he ― and his parents ― are slaves. He can be purchased by just about anyone; someone looked at him and saw two arms that will grow larger and stronger. It is not likely that they saw a mind or a soul. In the Newsweek interview, the child had no idea of the name of his country or his village. Looking at him from my home in Jerusalem, I mourned for his childhood far more than he did. I silently wished that he would somehow be able to return to himself and learn that he is more than his two strong arms.

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Our thoughtless enslavement to mindless routine can leave us without much of a relationship to our souls. In the course of our lives, we close doors to higher and deeper selves and sometimes forget that we, too, are more than earners, spenders, and travelers through life. Our thoughtless enslavement to mindless routine can leave us without much of a relationship to our souls. In a materialistic society, it is all too easy to view others as competitors. As toddlers we observed that when you have three cookies and give one away, all you have left are two. From that point onward we are afraid to give. The problem is that the soul, unlike the body, thrives on giving, and on the love that is its offspring. We also tend to become so self-involved that the G-d we all intuitively knew as children (children almost always believe in G-d, unless they are taught not to) becomes more and more removed from our moment-to-moment consciousness. We act as though we are more than mere creations. This alters our sense of dependency on the Creator and the concomitant realization that we are beloved recipients of endless free gifts. We end up amoral, with no one to account to for our lives. Like the child in Newsweek, we don't know where we are or who we could be. The solution is teshuva, which means "return" (not "repentance" or "becoming more religious"). Through teshuva we learn to re-establish a relationship as G-d's creations. It is a way in which we learn who we are, and where we are. How does it work? There are three primary steps. Let's go through them one by one. Confession The first step is confession to G-d. In concrete terms, this means examining our lives and honestly admitting to our mistakes and to the possibility of having wasted opportunities for growth. One method of doing this is to divide your life into eras (childhood, teen years, young adulthood, marriage, career, parenting, middle-age, etc). Spend time with a notebook going

over each era. The question you should be asking yourself is: "What did I learn from this?" ― not: "How did I feel?" nor: "Whose fault is it?" which are ultimately irrelevant to our process. We can examine the effects of our positive experiences ― e.g. When I volunteered in the special ed camp, I learned that people are beautiful in more ways than I had ever known. Or the effects of negative ones ― e.g., When I see my mother's face today, as I review what happened when I was 16, after I said what I knew would pierce her as deeply as a knife would, I know how empowering destruction feels, and how damaging it is for all of us. This process can take a few hours, and might be wise to divide over several days. When you finish, review what you have learned. When you look at the negative things you have done, look for patterns. Is impulsivity the reason that you made bad choices? Perhaps the culprit is an insatiable need to find validation. (Remember, if this is the case, we are not out to blame anyone. We are out to discover our highest and most authentic self.) Once you have a sense of what the patterns look like, you can confess not only the actions that you now regret, but also the underlying causes of choosing those actions. With teshuva, G-d opens doors that we may have locked years ago, erasing the negative impact of our choices. The purpose of this confession is not to tell G-d something that He doesn't know. It is to help us regain our identity, by seeing ourselves as we are, and asking G-d to help us heal the damage we have done to ourselves. We can't erase the imprint of our choices, but G-d created teshuva even before He created the world. It is the one creation that is not locked into the rule that "time only flows in one direction." When we do teshuva honestly, G-d reverses time and opens doors that we may have locked years ago, erasing the negative impact of our choices. Regret The second step is regret, which entails a disassociation with negative patterns to the

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point where they are demystified and repugnant. Let us look at two scenarios to understand why regret is so essential to the process of return. Scenario 1: Howie was a relentless hunter. As a college student, his prey was any girl who attracted him. As he grew older, he realized that he wanted the stability of married life and settled down with Bev. Last week he met Mark, his old roomie, in the airport waiting area. They both were headed to Detroit on a plane that was delayed. As they caught up with each other and reminisced about their college days, Howie waxed nostalgic about his macho conquests. Scenario 2: Same beginning as Scenario 1, but with one critical difference: One evening after the kids had gone to bed, Bev opened up to him and told him how other men had treated her like an object, and how she had never trusted anyone until she met him. That night Howie couldn't sleep. He realized how much disillusion and distrust he had sowed, and how much pain he had left behind him. When he met Mark later in the week, the last thing he wanted to bring up was his past. It was something he had to deal with, and the time and place was certainly not the airport lobby. Regret leads to release from self-limiting behavior. Guilt leads to paralysis. Regret and guilt are not the same thing. Guilt creates paralysis. Regret creates redefinition. Guilt is passive - e.g. I can't deal with this right now. I think I'll eat chocolate and go to sleep. Regret is active (eventually Howie called his rabbi and asked about what the next step should be). Regret leads to release from the prison of self-limiting behavior. Guilt goes nowhere, and is so unpleasant that we tend to blame anyone available ― just to liberate ourselves from its violent grip on our souls. Resolution To Change The third step is making changes within you that are so real that the old patterns will slowly fade. Eventually the day will come when old choices are just plain unappealing. This is analogous to our no longer biting a friend who annoyed us as was our practice at the age of two.

How do we change our patterns? There are various ways that are recommended by different sages over the course of the centuries. None of them are meant to be "The Only Way." Use whatever works for you, and recognize that as you change, methods that worked at one time in your life may not work forever. You will need to change methods now and again. Method 1: Daily Accounting This method was developed by the 19th century Baalei Mussar (ethicists):

1. Once you identify your patterns, and you sense which traits are the underlying cause of your errors, learn as much about the trait as you can. For example, if you find that time and again anger has been the cause of misjudgments that you regret profoundly, try reading Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book "Anger: The Inner Teacher." If there are several problematic traits, you may have a lot of reading to do. If you spend serious time in transit, listening to the many lectures available [see aishaudio.com] on almost any trait may be a very worthwhile investment. The point of gathering information is to find a sentence that really resonates. This should become your mantra, so to speak. Using anger as our example, the phrase "Don't be reactive. Be the person you want to be" may speak to you. (It speaks to me.) If you wish to work on several traits, you will have several sentences. 2. Get a notebook. (That makes you feel good already!) If you are working on four traits, begin by structuring four pages as follows: On the top of the page write your key phrase. Underneath it, divide the page into seven sections, leaving a large margin on the left side of the page. Write the days of the week on top of the seven sections. In the left-side margin, write the name of the traits you are working on ― e.g. Anger, Dishonesty, Insensitivity, Arrogance. (Notice that I

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have presented the traits negatively rather than positively. The first one on the list is the trait that matches the key phrase on top of the page.) 3. Every day of "week one," look at the key phrase first thing in the morning. Repeat it a number of times. At the end of the day, pencil in the number of times you forgot that phrase in the course of the day, by writing one dot for each error. Even though you are not dealing with traits 2-4 as intensely this week, review your day and write in the number of slip-ups that have taken place. 4. The next week, put the first trait on the bottom and move the second trait to the top, so that within a four-week span, you would have had each trait as the central one on the list. 5. Does it seem childish? Yes! Does it work? Yes ― and with startling rapidity. Within 40 days, you will begin to see dramatic results, even with traits that you have lived with your entire life. Of course if you don't continue the process, the results fade, but it is an amazing method.

Method 2: Maimonides' Method 1. Picture yourself in a moment of failure due to your inability (or lack of desire) to overcome whatever negative trait(s) are the source of your difficulties. Now picture yourself responding to the same situation in an entirely different way. It is important to actually visualize these two scenes so that the emotional self, which is moved by imagery, will be as involved as the intellectual self. 2. Ask a critical question: Since the gap between how I would like to respond and how I actually respond is so great, what can I do concretely today to narrow the gap? For example, if I tend to fly off the handle when my plans are ruined by other people's choices, today I can decide that no matter how upset I am, I won't raise my voice. Although I have not yet come close to saying only the correct response, or judging people favorably, this is, however a good first step.

3. Be careful to see that the steps are small enough to be comfortably attainable, and big enough to actually generate change. 4. Once you are at home with the first step, be sure to take a second step. 5. Go beyond where you would like to be. For instance, if your problem is anger, aim at serenity, not merely at "not losing my temper." There are two advantages to this method. One is that it works, with rare regressions. Secondly, you are working from the "outside in," which allows you to be less defensive than if you had to confront your devils directly. The "disadvantage" is that, as you can see, this requires a long-term commitment. Method 3: Turn to G-d The third method is radically different than the other two. It is the method recommended most by the Hassidic masters. Turn to G-d directly, openly, passionately, in your own language. Don't focus on yourself. Don't chart your behavior. Turn to G-d directly, openly, passionately, in your own language. Ask Him to free you from the prison you have erected around yourself. Tell Him where you have been, what you have done, and how you now know that you have done great harm to yourself and to others. Tell Him about the times you have tried to change and failed, and how you now acknowledge that He loves you and has given you life, and that only He can help you. Make this a daily practice in which you include Him in every aspect of your journey. The last month of the Hebrew calendar, Elul, is called the Month of Compassion and Forgiveness. It is a time when we have more capacity to draw close to the Almighty than any other month of the year. It is a time when we can return. As Rosh shana approaches, let us use the time to also approach other people with compassion, and see them in the way that we ourselves would want to be seen by G-d. Let us ask forgiveness from those whom we have wronged, and by doing this, fill our world with compassion and grace.

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The Pinhole of Repentance (Rabbi Eli Mansour)

The Torah in Parashat Ki-Teseh speaks of the case of a man who finds that his wife behaves inappropriately, and thus divorces her, and she then marries another man. If the second husband also divorces the woman (or dies), the Torah commands, the first husband may not then remarry her. Although a husband and wife may marry each other again after they divorce, this is forbidden if the woman had married somebody else in the interim. The Torah forbids their remarriage in such a case in surprisingly harsh terms, calling it a “To’eba” (“abomination” – 24:4). Why is this marriage considered “abominable”? After all, this woman received a proper Get (writ of divorce) from her the second husband, and is thus halachically unmarried. What is “abominable” about the first husband remarrying her? Rav Chaim Zaitchik (1906-1989) explains that the husband divorced the woman because, as the Torah describes, he found her conduct unbecoming (“Ki Masa Bah Ervat Dabar” – 24:1). He felt that she would be a negative influence upon him and upon their children, and so he made the difficult but noble decision to divorce her. And, his misgivings about her were confirmed when the second man also divorced her. Remarrying the woman at this point, Rav Zaitchik notes, would constitute a grave act of regression. After having done such a noble act for the sake of the spiritual quality of his home and his family, he is now bringing her back and returning to his prior compromised state. This is the “abomination.” Once a person has made a courageous decision to grow, to improve, to advance and to raise his level of Torah observance, he is now expected to set his next goal so he can move yet another step forward. If he does the opposite, and regresses instead of seeing how he can advance, then he has committed an “abomination.”

The Midrash (Shir Hashirim Rabba) teaches that G-d promises the Jewish People, “Open for Me an opening like a pinhole, and I will open for you like the opening of the Temple.” Repentance begins with an opening like a pinhole. When a pin punctures a piece of material, the hole is very small, but it is permanent. This is the proper approach to the process of Teshuba – making small but sincere, resolute and permanent changes in our lives. We are not expected, and it is unwise, to try to drastically transform ourselves, as such transformations are not likely to be maintained forever. What we ought to do instead is to make small, meaningful improvements to our conduct and lifestyle, and ensure that they are permanent, and we never go back to the way we were. And then, one pinhole after another, we will grow and become better people, better servants of G-d, and worthy of being blessed with a wonderful year of happiness and success, Amen.

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