foundations of team leadership 1 challenging conversations

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Foundations of Team Leadership


Challenging Conversations

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When we engage with others from a mental model of “Be in Control,” we can find ourselves in defensive and unproductive conversations:• Assume we are right• See ourselves as more reasonable than others• Assign negative attributes and motives to others• Hold others accountable for problems

CAVEAT: A difficult conversation is not situation involving serious performance or behavior issues.

Why Are Some Conversations Challenging?

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Mutual Learning

Inquiry

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Low

High

Low

High

Purpose of Positive Advocacy & Inquiry

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Balanced Approach to Advocacy & Inquiry

High

Low

Low High

Inquiry

Ad

voca

cyExplaining(Imposing)

Inquiring (Interrogating)

Understanding(Over-Engaging)

Co-Exploration

Engaging (Withdrawing)

Source: Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook

Transforming the Way We Work and Learn Together HRSLOFoundation of Team Leadership

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Low

High

Low

High

Inquiry

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Explaining

Inquiring

Understanding

Co-Exploration

Engaging

(Imposing)

(Interrogating)

(Over-Engaging)

Co-Exploration

(Withdrawing)

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Low

High

Low

High

Inquiry

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cy


Explaining

Inquiring

Understanding

Co-Exploration

Engaging

(Imposing)

(Interrogating)

(Over-Engaging)

Co-Exploration

(Withdrawing)

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• First, seek to understand-Then value the other party’s perspective

• Have an end in mind- But listen for what might be a win-win from both parties’ point of view

• Focus on what is common to both parties and work towards a collaborative and productive achieving of the goal- project outcome- or direction

• Be willing to move the conversation towards an outcome that is mutually satisfactory

• Only small steps are undertaken at a time- movement in the right direction is what is key

Approaching Challenging Conversations

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Low

High

Low

High

Inquiry

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Explaining

Inquiring

Understanding

Co-Exploration

Engaging

(Imposing)

(Interrogating)

(Over-Engaging)

Co-Exploration

(Withdrawing)

Seeking to Understand

WIN-WIN

Co-Exploration

Co-ExplorationRespect-

Appreciate

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Effective & Balanced Communications

WIN-WIN

Seeking to

Understan

d

Respect-

Appreciate

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Inquiry

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Managing Difficult Conversations

We can bring team communication tools to bear on our conversations, we can approach our interactions with others from a mindset of

“Mutual Learning :”

•Assume we have partial knowledge

•Grant legitimacy to other perspectives

•Assume positive intentions on the part of others

•Acknowledge our role in problems

•Embrace learning

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Preparing for Challenging Conversations

• Prepare your approach in terms of transparent advocacy and genuine inquiry…

• Know how you react when you are feeling vulnerable or defensive (Unexplored Left hand Column) and prepare accordingly

• Rehearse clear, neutral, and temperate responses in advance (with a friend or a learning partner is helpful)

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• Understand your mental models

• Become aware of how you are using the Ladder of Inference

• Pay attention to your Private Thinking (Left Hand Column)

• Draw on the rigorous approaches fostering Mutual Learning


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• Do not get discouraged if the conversation does not resolve itself this time- some situations take more time, effort and more conversations

• Success is keeping the door open- as long as there is a willingness to dialogue, there is potential for resolution


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Team Activity

Integration Exercise: Communications Skills

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Managing Difficult ConversationsExercise in Triad for 3 Rounds of Role Plays

Each Round (15 minutes each)

•Set UP: Time: 3 minutes Person A briefs Person B about difficult conversation that they want to role play. Person B clarifies aspects of assigned role for purpose of role play. Person C to be a coach and observe person A’s performance.

•Role Play: Time: 5 minutes Person A roles plays conversation they want to have. Person B responds and is moved by the ‘‘stance of collaboration’’ practiced by Person A, (approach, listening skills, inquiry, sharing of assumptions, win-win attitude)

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Managing Difficult ConversationsExercise in Triad for 3 Rounds of Role

Plays

Each Round (15 minutes each) CONTINUED

•Debrief: Time: 7 minutes Person B shares what it was like talking to Person A while being in “role”-(How they felt- What moved them). Person C as coach shares observations of Person A’s skills in applying the ‘stance of collaboration’ approach.

•Switch: After 15 minutes, individuals to switch roles and start process all over again for a new round. There will be 3 rounds so that each individual gets the opportunity to role play their difficult conversation challenge.

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Use phrases like • “How can I best support you in your undertaking?…• What do you need from me…?

• How could we work towards a common goal?



Challenging Conversation

Please fill out form when you are in the role of coach and remit to your “coachee”-person A

ROLE PLAY Round

Role ‘A’ Person being themselves in difficult situation- Practicing new skill

Role “B” Person acting role of difficult person- Must shift when moved by A

Role “C” Coach observing role play, must take notes and provide feedback

Actions? NA? Specific comments- Why Effective or Not?

Conveyed genuine understanding by paraphrasing appropriately

Open and Supportive BODY Stance?

Appreciated other’s point of view? Open to considering new data ?

Did not push own point of view-made own assumptions clear

Conveyed genuine understanding by paraphrasing appropriately

Proposed /suggested win-wins good for both parties

Did not push “mutual agreement”-too quickly– (offer to meet again if appropriate)

foundations of team leadership 1 challenging conversations

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