founder communication workshop - 03/24/15
TRANSCRIPT
Founder Communication
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla March 23, 2015
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Topics for TodayWhat makes an effective leader?
What makes an effective team?
Format: Learn together, not talk at
you
WorkingI ask you to…
Challenge yourself
Respect confidentiality
Minimize distractions
Wait for breaks & return on time
Can we all commit to this?
agreements
ONE BIG IDEA
Three Realities (The Net Model)
INTENTNeeds
MotivesSituation
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
VerbalNon-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTFeelings
ReactionsResponses
Reality #3
The Net
FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS - WHY?
Everyone feels them, we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial information, absence of
emotion leaves out half the
story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most powerful
motivator?
They are an early warning
system
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
SELF-DISCLOSUREWe are constantly making the choice of letting our self be more fully known
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion
– the relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Vulnerability“I define vulnerability as the
expression of uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure.
Authentic Leaders“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom
quartile managers was strength of
affection – both given & received –
with their team.”
(“Leaders guide to recognizing and rewarding others”, Kouzes & Barry)
Paradox of TrustYou prefer to look strong rather than weak.
Problem: Everyone knows that.
Result: Willingness to show (some) weakness
is perceived as sign of strength.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
1. Build connection, trust2. Repair distortions3. Avoid “progressive impoverishment”
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, risk &
learning
5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
The Bottom Line1. Disclosure & vulnerability are critical to
connection
2. Effective leaders for strong connections.
Conclusion: Consider being more open.
Effective Teams1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Problem: Can’t order people to do any of
this.
(“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review,
2004)Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Essential Conditions1. Safety
2. Intimacy
3. Mutual Trust
Research: All of these are correlated to
group EQ.
(“Safety, Trust, Intimacy”, Ed Batista, 2010)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ (Individual)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Regulation
EQ (Group)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward (Our Team)
Outward(Other Teams)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Regulation
Group EQHigh EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Our normsWhat norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Feedback & Influence
Johari Window
© Carole Robin, Ph.D., 2011
OPEN/PUBLIC BLIND
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
I know I don’t know
You know
You don’t know
Reactions/Feedback
Disclosure
Why is feedback important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger relationships
Bottom line: Feedback is how we grow.
Can I give you
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
some feedback?
Threat Response
Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF ModelDavid RockWhat social situations triggera threat response?
StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
THE NET (AGAIN)
INTENTNeeds
MotivesSituation
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
VerbalNon-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTFeelings
ReactionsResponses
Reality #3
The Net
Feedback
1. Focus on specific, observable behavior
2. Describe the impact of that behavior on YOU
3. Do NOT address MY motives or intentions. (Do listen actively if I choose to share them.)
How to Give Effective Feedback
Stay on your side of the net!
New Mental Model1. Feedback is new
information about my internal reactions to your behavior.
2. New information increases our shared reality.
3. Goal: enter into joint problem solving.
Feedback is a gift!
Old Mental Model
1. Tell others what is wrong with them
2. Goal: Get them to change.
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
Lets try some examples…
1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with this presentation.
● Give more!!!● Do not praise to buffer criticism
● Avoid “The Sandwich”
● Do not praise to overcome resistance●Avoid platitudes. Be specific
●Weak: “John - you are a great boss.”●Strong: “John - when you give me specific feedback, I feel
excited because I have a chance to grow professionally.”
Tips for Complimentary Feedback
• Assume good intent, be curious• Use a soft start
• emphasize mutual goals & positive intent for the conversation.
• Be aware of your own stress• Goal is joint-problem solving
Tips for Constructive Feedback
● Gift mentality● Listen and ask clarifying questions● Acknowledge your feelings● Goal is understanding, not “winning”● Say “Thank You!”
Tips for Receiving Feedback
Last ReminderStay on your side of the net
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions
Thanks, goodbye, & stay on your side of the net.