friday night and saturday morning

8/11/2019 Friday Night and Saturday Morning

1/38

Friday Night and Saturday Morning

by

Christopher Wilcox

Episode One


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2

1. EXT. PUBLIC HOUSE SMOKING SHELTER.

NIGHT.

NEIL AND MORGAN ARE SHELTERING FROM THE

RAIN WHILST SMOKING CIGARETTES. THE PAIR ARESAT AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH. NEIL IS SAT

FORWARD AND HUNCHED OVER. MORGAN IS SAT

BACK AND IS MORE INTERESTED IN HIS CIG THAN

NEIL. BOTH ARE SILENT FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

NEIL:

Its over.

MORGAN:What is?

NEIL:

My life. Its over. Im twenty-five, and my life is over.

MORGAN:

Come on, mate. IfJensgonna act like that over

something so daft then I think youre better off

without.

NEIL:

It was my fault though.

MORGAN:

You made one mistake. How was you to know she

was gonna react so badly to it?

NEIL:

I should have paid more attention to her. Given her

more thought, and this never would have happened.

MORGAN:

Look, if shethought that much of you, theres no way

shed have kicked you out.

NEIL:(SITTING UP) I suppose.


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MORGAN:

Theres no suppose about it. Your life isnt over. Its

just beginning. Youre only twenty-five for god sake.

Youve got your health and a top job to boot.

NEIL:

Come on, give it a rest. You sound like that fucking

Graham off Jeremy Kyle!

MORGAN:

Im telling yer. Theres plenty more fish in the chippy,

my friend. And with any luck, and a bit of the old

Morgan magic, you might end up with a battered

sausage by the end of tonight too!

NEIL:

(NOW SMILING) Have you got a book of chippy-

based puns or something?

MORGAN:

(THINKS) War and Peas?

NEIL:

Too easy.

MORGAN:

What about Smackbeth?

NEIL:

Can you even get smacks from the chippy anymore?

MORGAN:

Course you can! I had a smack barm last week.

NEIL:

Anyway, too obscure.

MORGAN:

Four Puddings and a Funeral!


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NEIL:

That was a bloody film, not a book!

MORGAN:

Well, whatever. Are we going inside then?

NEIL NODS AS HE FINISHES HIS PINT

MORGAN:

(THROWING AWAY HIS CIG BUTT) I didnt even

enjoy it anyway. I dont know why I still bother.

NEIL:

I recall the only reason you started in college becauseyou said the easiest way to start talking to a girl is

asking them for a light.

MORGAN:

Christ knows. I can hardly remember what life was

like pre-smoking ban. That is something that I would

say though. And it worked!

BOTH STAND AND HEAD TOWARDS THE DOOR

2. INT. HALF-BUSY PUB. DIMLY LIT.

BARMAID, BECK, IS SERVING CUSTOMERS. BAR

MANAGER, PETE, IS IDLY STANDING BY WIPING

EMPTY GLASSES WITH A TOWEL. NEIL AND

MORGAN STROLL IN FROM OUTSIDE AND HEADFOR THE BAR.

PETE:

Same again, lads?

MORGAN:

You know us too well.

PETE BEGINS TO PULL THE PINTS


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PETE:

(TO NEIL) So are you gonna tell us what happened

then or what?

MORGAN:Well he came to his senses, didnt he?

NEIL LOOKS MIFFED

NEIL:

It was her who ended it, actually. Shed been telling

me that she couldnt see us having a future together

unless I was more committed towards her. So I

obviously took that as she wanted me to propose.

MORGAN:

(TO PETE) Worst thing he couldve done.

PETE PUTS THE PINTS ON THE BAR

PETE:

Ere you go.On the house.

MORGAN:

Aw, cheers, mate!

PETE:

I dont know what youre thanking me for. Yours is

2.20.

NEIL LAUGHS

MORGAN:

Eh?

PETE:

Well youre not the depressed one, are yer?

MORGAN:

I will be if you carry on handing him free pints.


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MORGAN RELUCTANTLY HANDS OVER THE

CHANGE

PETE:

Ill come and sit down with you. Youre alrightlooking after the bar on your own for ten minutes,

Beck?

BECK:

I suppose.

THE THREE MOVE OVER TO A TABLE IN THE

CORNER

NEIL:

So, anyway, Id been wracking me brain for weeks

trying to think of a way to propose that she might

actually appreciate. I wasnt going to go overboard,

cos I know she wouldnt want a great big fuss. Plus,

have you seen the price of engagement rings

recently? Moneys a bit tight since we moved in

together and I thought shed understand. I even went

to see her dad about it, just to smooth everything over

between me and him, especially after what happened

last year.

PETE LOOKS PUZZLED

MORGAN:

They went on to Spain with her mam and dad. Those

two go back to the hotel for an early night and leavehim and Jen out on the piss. Olly Reed, ere, gets back

to their room at daft oclock and somehow stumbles

into her parents room next door. He only walks in on

them two stark bollock naked, bar the stockings and

suspenders that her dad was wearing! He was tied to

the bed, whilst his missus was thrusting a great big

black mamba up his arse!

MORGAN AND PETE GUFFAW. NEIL LOOKSEMBARRASSED.


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NEIL:

It turned out that theyd left the door unlocked for

another couple theyd got talking to around the pool,

whod nipped back to their rooms for a minute.

PETE:

Probably some rubber sheets in case her dad ended

up following through!

NEIL:

It only took Jen twenty odd years to realise why he

always insisted on having a shed load of cushions on

his armchair.

PETE:

So did you propose to the perverts daughter?

NEIL:

Well I got this.. (HESITATES) ..not cheap, but yknow,

half-decent plain ring from that Chinese jewellers

behind the indoor market.

PETE:

Pawn Crackers?

NEIL:

Yeah, thats the one. So I cooked our usual Sunday

morning fry-up, but really made the effort; bacon,

sausage, beans, fried egg, boiled egg, mushrooms,

tomatoes, hash browns, toast, an abit of fried bread

the lot.

PETE:

No black pudding?

NEIL:

Nah, she said she cant lay eyes on a black pudding

these days without picturing her dad with that dildo.

PETE AND MORGAN LAUGH


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NEIL:

I even treated her to breakfast in bed, cos she usually

doesnt let me eat out of the kitchen. I woke her up

and stuck the tray on her knee.

MORGAN:

Hed only gone and put the engagement ring on one

of the bloody sausages, hadnt he?!

MORGAN AND PETE BURST OUT LAUGHING

PETE:

I take it she didnt appreciate a cheap ring dipped in

bean juice then?

NEIL:

She hit the fucking roof. Said it was typical of me to

treat our relationship like a joke and that was the

straw that broke the camels back. Apparently she did

want a big fuss making, and had been hinting about

it for weeks. Told me to pack me bags and get out of

the flatthe same flat that Im still bloody paying

towards.

PETE:

I bet all that stuff for the breakfast cost more than the

ring did.

NEIL:

Only by a few quid. She didnt even eat iteither. So

that was another bloody waste of money.

PETE:

How wide are her fingers anyway, if you could fit her

ring around a sausage?

MORGAN:

Shes got sausage fingers, hasnt she?


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NEIL:

She has not got sausage fingers! Alright, she does

have a bit of trouble using the touch screen on her

phone, but theyre not that big. I made sure I got

some thin sausages off Abdullah the Butcher after Idcome out of the pawn shop. I mean, jewellers.

PETE:

Where are you living now then?

NEIL:

Im back at me mams which is shite. Her new fella

what shes moved in has turned my old room into his

bleedin study. Which means that I have to make dowith a camp bed in the box room. I cant sleep on that

and Im hardly eating properly. I even asked if I could

take a couple of weeks off work to get everything

sorted. But I thought better of it cos the students have

got their A Levels coming up in a few weeks and its a

busy time for them.

MORGAN:

Your boss said no then?

NEIL:

That was his short answer, yeah.

MORGAN:

What was his long answer?

NEIL:Can you fuck?!

PETE LEANS ACROSS THE TABLE AND SHOUTS OVER

TO BECK BEHIND THE BAR

PETE:

Beck?! Chuck me and Bobby Sands ere a couple of

bags of crisps when youve got a sec.


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BECK:

Yeah, what flavour?

PETE:

Cheese n onion and

NEIL:

Smoky bacon. Obviously.

BECK WALKS TO THE TABLE WITH THE BAGS

BECK:

(TO PETE) Are you gonna come back behind there

now? Those glasses need to come out the dishwasher.

PETE:

Aye, go on then.

PETE GOES BACK TO THE BAR. NEIL OPENS HIS

CRISPS AND BEGINS TO EAT THEM, AND OFFERS

ONE TO MORGAN. PETE RETURNS TO THE TABLE

WITH A COUPLE OF POSTERS

PETE:

Ere Morgan, what do you make of this?

PETE HANDS MORGAN A POSTER WHILST PUTTING

THE OTHER ONE UP ON THE WALL BESIDE THE

TABLE

MORGAN:(READING THE POSTER) The King George the Fifth

presents speed dating.

PETE:

Two weeks tonight.

NEIL:

(CLEARLY SURPRISED) Speed dating? In here?!


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MORGAN:

Whats all this about?

PETE:

Its not my idea, obviously. The Brewery wants morepunters coming in on a Friday night, and theyve

given us different ideas for event nights.

MORGAN:

Christ, youll be having karaoke back at this rate!

PETE:

That starts the week after.

NEIL:

And do you think shit like this will actually pull folk

in?

PETE:

You never know. Theres plenty of desperate fellas

and sad fishwives knocking about round ere.

(POINTING ACROSS THE PUB) Just have a look at

Chorley Dave.

CHORLEY DAVE IS A BALDING, LATE MIDDLE-AGED

MAN, WITH AN EAR PIERCED AND A BATTERED

LEATHER JACKET. THE ONLY COMPANY HE IS

KEEPING ARE SEVERAL EMPTY PINT GLASSES AND

AN OLD CARRIER BAG

PETE:Hes coming. I bet Elton Johns had his leg over a

woman more recently than him. And when he and

some of the other old twats get knocked back, they

can drink themselves into a coma afterwards.

NEIL:

Theres nowt like promoting responsible drinking, is

there?


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PETE:

(TO NEIL) Why dont you give it a try? It might take

your mind off the break-up.

NEIL:I wouldnt have thought so, mate. Its hardly my

thing, is it?

MORGAN:

Well, we could give it a go.

PETE:

Thats more like it.

NEIL:

Well youve soon changed your tune.

MORGAN:

Come on, theres no harm in trying. Youre going to

have to get back into the saddle sooner or later. Its

not like Jens going to take you back anytime soon, is

it? And itd be well funny to see you trying to snaffle a

MILF!

MORGAN STANDS UP AND SHOUTS TOWARDS THE

BAR

MORGAN:

Oi, Beck! Are you going in for this speed dating lark?

BECK:Oh, piss off, Daniel! You know Ive got a boyfriend.

MORGAN:

(ANNOYED) Ey! Only me mam calls meDaniel!

(TO NEIL) Shell love me one day.Anyway, lad, were

on the prowl tonight, arent we? When was the last

time you actually chatted a bird up?


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NEIL:

Five fuckin years. I can even remember what to say.

It was Jen who did all the taking between us when we

first met. And dont say on the prowl. It makes us

sound like those blokes you see on Crimewatchreconstructions that go around raping pensioners in

their own homes in the middle of the night.

MORGAN:

Dont talk wet! All you have to do is tell a girl that

shes beautiful and offer to buy her a drink. Always

works for me.

BECK IS NOW STANDING BESIDE PETE

BECK:

And when was the last time you had a girlfriend

then?

MORGAN:

Dont you worry your beautiful little head overme!

Well have the same again, please?

BECK IS UNIMPRESSED AND WALKS OFF TO THE

BAR

(TO NEIL) Lets just have a couple more in ere then

move onto town.

(TO PETE) Were going that swanky place whats just

opened on Salisbury Street. Its a bit pricey, like, butyou should see some of the birds that knock about in

there.

PETE:

You get what you pay for then?

NEIL:

Its not our usual scene but it looks better than most

of the other places along there. We ended up in that


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NEIL:

(SINGING KNOWINGLY) I am the resurrection and I

am the life

MORGAN:That song could make me ejaculate.

NEIL:

It already has for me. I used to stick it on occasionally

for me and Jen.

MORGAN:

You kept that one quiet.

NEIL:

I used the drum beat to pace my thrusts to begin with,

and then when the guitar solo kicked in, Id flip her

over and go crazy mad ape shit on her arse! Id even

change the words in me head to I have a big erection

for my future wife!

BECK IS WALKING BY WITH EMPTIES AND

OVERHEARDS NEIL

BECK:

I dont even wanna know

MORGAN LAUGHS. NEIL IS SHEEPISH. MORGAN

NOTICES DAZ AT THE BAR.

MORGAN:Look whos here! Bloody gossip girl!

NEIL:

Fucking hell, if theres one person that I cant stand

DAZ HAS ALREADY SPOTTED NEIL AND MORGAN

AND HAS HEADED FOR THEIR TABLE

NEIL INTERRUPTS HIMSELF


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NEIL:

(OVER-ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Darren! Alright, mate?!

DAZ:

(REFERRING TO THE STONE ROSES WHOM ARENOW PLAYING ON THE JUKEBOX) I wonder who

put this on, eh?!

MORGAN:

One can wonder, Daz. One can wonder. Hows

tricks?

DAZ:

A bit better than Neil, or so Ive heard.

NEIL:

How do you know?!

DAZ:

Fat Julie out the pie shop told me.

NEIL:

Fat fuckin Julie?!

DAZ:

Well she didnt tell me personally, but she was

blabbing about it to anyone in the queue whod listen.

NEIL:

I shouldve known!

MORGAN:

Whos Fat fuckin Julie?

NEIL:

Jens aunt. Shes got a tongue as loose as a tarts clout.

I cant even stand the sound of her, never mind the

sight, the fat bitch.

MORGAN:So itll have spread like wildfire?


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MORGAN:

And had you given her warts?

NEIL:

She doctor said she just had a spotty fanny.

MORGAN:

(LAUGHING) Its all coming out now, init!

PETE HAS RETURNED

PETE:

Youve just reminded me that weve got a new

promotion on johnnies in the Gents to coincide withthe speed dating. Get your five-a-day with five

fruities for a fiver!

MORGAN:

Bargain, that!

NEIL:

Ive changed me mind. Im not ready for going with

anybody new yet. It just doesnt feel right.

PETE:

Well theyre there if you change your mind.

MORGAN:

You cant be acting like this now!

NEIL:Nobody in real life has post-break up sex anyway. Its

just another lie they have you believe on the telly.

MORGAN:

Well Ive only got two on me, and youre not having

one.

NEIL:

Why, have you grown a second knob?


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MORGAN:

You know Im more ofa morning person.

NEIL:

Well it doesnt matter anyway cos I have no interestin getting laid and thats final. Right, as we having

more in here or moving on for one in the Brick?

MORGAN:

Im settled her now.

NEIL GOES TO THE BAR

NEIL:Can I have two more please?

BECK POURS THE PINTS. TWO YOUNG, ATTRACTIVE

GIRLS WALK IN AND STAND ACROSS FROM NEIL

ACROSS THE BAR, INSTANTLY CATCHING HIS

ATTENTION

BECK:

Four forty, please.

NEIL HANDS OVER A TEN POUND NOTE

NEIL:

Can I have my change in pound coins please?

3.

EXT. NIGHTCLUB QUEUE. NIGHT.

NEIL AND MORGAN ARE SLOWLY SHUFFLING

TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE.

MORGAN:

If you could give anybody a good slap without

reprisal, who would it be?


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NEIL:

What, apart from you? Er probably Terrence Trent

DArby.

MORGAN:Why?

NEIL:

Well hes got the most pretentious name in pop. What

about you?

MORGAN:

Well I was watching that Gok Wan on the telly the

other night, and it got me thinking.

NEIL:

About your sexuality?

MORGAN:

Piss off, our Gillian happened to have it on.

NEIL:

So did you get any fashion tips?

MORGAN:

It just had me thinking that, yknow he has all of

these big, fat birds on it. Well, its alright for him to

be telling them that theyre beautiful and all that

carry on.

NEIL:And?

MORGAN:

Well he can say what he wants. Hes not the one who

has to go out shagging em, is he?

SHORT SILENCE

NEIL:I suppose not.


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THE QUEUE MOVES FORWARD SO THAT NEIL AND

MORGAN ARE AT THE FRONT. THE TWO

RECOGNISE THE BOUNCER.

NEIL:Alright, Jacko?

JACKO:

Alright, boys. Hows it going?

MORGAN:

Not too bad, mate.

JACKO:Oh, I was sorry to hear about you and Jen, mate. Who

needs em, eh?

NEIL ISNTHAPPY

NEIL:

Cheers. Im hoping to find some answers tonight in

the bottom of a pint pot. How do you know anyway?

JACKO:

I clocked something about it on Facebook a couple of

days ago. You put a ring on a sausage or summat?

NEIL IS EMBARRASSED. MORGAN CHUCKLES.

MORGAN:

Smooth, eh?

JACKO LAUGHS

JACKO:

I know what youre going through, pal. I went

through the same thing a couple of months ago. Id

been my Jade for just over eighteen months when she

kicked me out of the house. Said I wasnt committed

to her enough or some other bollocks.


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NEIL:

Yeah, Jen said something similar. She actually

accused me of preferring spending my time in the

George with Morgan than having time at home with

her.

MORGAN:

Well thats true init?

NEIL:

Well, obviously. But I didnt want her knowing that,

did I?

JACKO:To be fair to Jade, I was shagging a couple of her

sisters at the time.

NEIL:

Bloody hell!

JACKO:

And a cousin I landed on my feet working here

anyway. You should see some of the fanny that goes

in. Some of em have legs longer than Gidlow Lane.

MORGAN:

Thats why were here. Im trying to find someone to

get Herr Bratwursts mind off Jen.

JACKO LAUGHS

JACKO:

Youre never gonna live that one down.

NEIL:

It appears not. How long have you been on the door

here then?


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JACKO:

Oh, just a couple of weeks since it opened. I used to

work the door of that gay place on the other side of

town. You know it?

NEIL:

Queens?

JACKO:

Yeah, but it isnt Queens anymore. Some of the more

flamboyant regulars, shall we say, started kicked up a

fuss that it was playing on negative stereotypes, so

they had to change it.

MORGAN:

Whats it called now then?

JACKO:

Fudge.

NEIL AND MORGAN STARE BLANKLY IN DISBELIEF

JACKO:

Maurice and Lindsay own it now. Yknow little

Maurice who used to own the Bookmakers Arms?

MORGAN:

Maurice and Linsday? You mean Mincing Maurice

has got himself a woman?

JACKO:Lindsay used to be Lionel.

MORE DISBELIEF FROM NEIL AND MORGAN

NEIL:

Well I suppose they dont call him the Queen of Clubs

for nothing.


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JACKO:

I was glad to get out. You couldnt have a minutes

peace. Some of the stuff I saw in those toilets only

George Michael would believe.

MORGAN ACKNOWLEDGES SOME OF THE GIRLS IN

THE QUEUE

MORGAN:

No wonder you climbed on here then.

JACKO:

Not bad, is it? I mean, you get the odd knobead, but

thats all part of the job. Its like a perverts viewinggallery most nights.

JACKO GETS A WORD FROM ANOTHER BOUNCER

JACKO:

Right, you can go in now. Just tell the girl on the door

that I said you get can in for nowt.

NEIL:

Nice one.

MORGAN:

Yeah, cheers mate. See you later.

THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE ENTERS THE CLUB

4.

INT. BUSY NIGHTCLUB. NIGHT.

NEIL AND MORGAN ADVANCE TO THE BAR WHILST

CHECKING OUT SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE IN

ATTENDANCE.

MORGAN:

So what do you think then?


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NEIL:

What, apart from it being full of tossers whom Id

never normally associate myself with?

MORGAN:Yeah, apart from that?

NEIL:

Well at least Ive not clocked any Falklands veterans

yet.

LAUGHING, MORGAN TURNS TO THE BAR

MORGAN:Ill have two pints of your cheapest lager and two

shots of Sir Samuel Buca.

BARMAN:

White or black?

MORGAN:

Er, black.

NEIL:

Sambuca already? Its not even 11 oclock yet!

MORGAN:

Once you go black, theres no goin back! We might

as well get smashed as soon as so we can actually

enjoy ourselves amongst most of this shower.

THE BARMAN RETURNS AND MORGAN HANDS

OVER A TEN POUND NOTE

BARMAN:

Its eleven quid, pal.

MORGAN:

Eh? What?


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BARMAN:

I said its eleven quid. Youve only given me a tenner.

MORGAN:

Jesus wept!

MORGAN FISHES IN HIS POCKET FOR CHANGE AND

HANDS OVER A POUND COIN

MORGAN:

I didnt realise we were suppin in that London!

NEIL AND MORGAN DOWN THEIR SHOTS AND

MOVE AWAY FROM THE BAR TO STAND AT A TALLTABLE

NEIL:

Youre hard pressed to get a pint anywhere under

three quid in most places now. Its just a blessing we

have the George.

MORGAN:

When I was sixteen and first started going the

George, I could get three pints and a bit of change out

of a fiver. All these bloody kids have ruined it now by

getting pissed before they come out and hardly

spending a penny meaning places have to charge to

whack.

NEIL:

Im pretty sure a pretentious cunt hives like thiswould charge top dollar regardless.

MORGAN:

I know, I know.

NEIL:

I do recall it was your idea to come here in the first

place. Its not like we both cant afford it anyway.

MORGAN:Its just the principle of it, yknow.


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MORGAN:

Its not like we both cant afford it anyway! Too late,

tight arse. Theyre both coming over now.

NEIL:Oh, for fucks

NEIL TURNS AROUND

NEIL:

(EXAGGERATING) Hello!

GEMMA:

Do you remember me?

NEIL:

Of course I do. Gemma, isnt it?

GEMMA:

Yeah!

NEIL:

Of course I remember you. I never forget a face, me! I

tutored you for a year, didnt I?

GEMMA:

Two years!

NEIL:

Wow, yeah. Two bloody years!

GEMMA:

This is my baby sister, Lucy.

MORGAN ACKNOWLEDGES THEM BOTH AND

BEGINS TO SPEAK TO LUCY ALONE

MORGAN:

Hi, Im Dan. Dan Morgan.

LUCY:Im Lucy.


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MORGAN:

You look beautiful tonight, Lucy.

LUCY:

Aw, thanks.

MORGAN:

Do you wanna leave these two to discuss

Shakespearian semantics and allow me to buy you a

drink?

LUCY NODS

LUCY:Definitely!

MORGAN AND LUCY HEAD TO THE BAR

NEIL:

So whats going on in your life now?

GEMMA:

I graduated from university last summer. With a first!

NEIL:

Well, congratulations!

GEMMA:

I totes didnt expect it!

NEIL:

What? Totes?

GEMMA:

Totally, silly!

NEIL:

Oh, right. Well it does help having a top tutor firmly

behind you!

GEMMA:You wish!


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NEIL:

(FLUSTERED) I didnt mean it like that, honestly!

GEMMA:

Relax, I know! Im just winding you up. You weredefinitely the best tutor in college though. I dont

think Id have done so well in my exams if it wasnt

for your help, and I never did thank you for it.

GEMMA PECKS NEIL ON THE CHEEK

NEIL:

Just doing myjob, yknow! If only thanks was a four-

letter-word, eh?

CUT TO MORGAN AT THE BAR

BARMAID:

What can I get you?

MORGAN:

Im feeling supersonic!

BARMAID:

What?!

MORGAN:

I said Im feeling supersonic!

BARMAID:

I dont know what youre on about. Do you want adrink?

MORGAN:

Gin and tonic, please. (TO HIMSELF) Bloody kids!

BARMAID:

Single or double?

LUCY:Double!!


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MORGAN MOUTHS SINGLE TO THE BARMAID. HE

TURNS ROUND AND NOTICES NEIL AND GEMMA

GETTING CLOSE

MORGAN:(TO LUCY) Those two look like theyre getting on

well.

LUCY:

She hasnt shut up about him since she laid eyes on

him tonight. Shes had a major thing for him since he

was her tutor.

THE BARMAID RETURNS

BARMAID:

Three fifty please.

MORGAN ISNT PLEASED BUT HANDS OVER A NOTE

LUCY:

Can you get me a straw too please? I dont want this

new lippy coming straight off.

MORGAN RECEIVES HIS CHANGE

MORGAN:

Can I get a straw too?

THE BARMAID PASSES MORGAN A STRAW

BARMAID:

Thats 10p.

MORGAN:

What?!

BARMAID:

Its 10p for a straw.


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33

MORGAN:

Are you fuckin joking?! Whos set the price list in

here, George Osbourne?!

BARMAID:Who?

MORGAN RELUCTANTLY HANDS OVER 10p AND

HEADS BACK TO NEIL

MORGAN:

(TO GEMMA) So are you two reminiscing about

school days?

GEMMA:

It was college actually!

NEIL:

Ignore him.

GEMMA:

Im just gonna nip to the loo. Will you watch out

drinks, Neil? Are you coming, Luce?

THE GIRLS HEAD FOR THE TOILET

MORGAN:

So what happened to not being able to chat up one of

your old students? She was all over you, mate.

NEIL:Have you seen her?! There was no chatting needed

anyway. Shes laying it on thicker than her sisters

makeup.

MORGAN:

Its not that bad. How old is her sister anyway?

NEIL:

Well Gemma must be about twenty-one, cos shes justgraduated. So Id say about eighteen or nineteen. She


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did say she was her babysister! She might even be

younger. You know what Jackos like on the door.

Hed let anybody in, him, for a flash of leg.

MORGAN:Fucks sake. Im gonna have to suss this sharpish, or

else Ill end up on Saville Row.

THE GIRLS RETURN

MORGAN:

(TO LUCY) Did I tell you that I write for a music

magazine? What do you do?

LUCY IS SLIGHTLY STARTLED

LUCY:

Im only in my second year at college. A different one

to the one Gemma went to though.

MORGAN:

So youre eighteen?

LUCY:

Of course, why?

MORGAN LOOKS TOWARD NEIL AND IS VISIBLY

RELEIVED

MORGAN: Oh, its just that well Im going to a gig

tomorrow at the Tavern. I have to do a feature articleon one of the bands and I was wondering if you

wanted to come with me. Its strictly over-eighteens,

you see. Ill even get you in free on the guest list!

LUCY:

Cool, yeah!

LUCY LOOKS TO GEMMA, CLEARLY IMPRESSED

MORGAN WHISPERS INTO NEILS EAR


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MORGAN:

Thank fuck for that!

NEIL:

I take it Ive been sacked off for tomorrow then?

MORGAN:

Sorry, mate. I had to think of something.

NEIL:

Ill live.

MONTAGE SEQUENCE:

CUT TO THE FOUR CHARACTERS DRINKING ANDDANCING.

CUT TO MORGAN RETURNING TO TABLE WITH A

TRAY OF DRINKS.

CUT TO NEIL AND GEMMA DRINKING OUT OF ONE

JUG WITH TWO STRAWS.

CUT TO MORGAN SITTING WITH HIS ARM

AROUND LUCY AS THEY TALK BUT MAKING SURE

THAT SHE KEEPS THE SAME STRAW FROM ONE

DRINK TO ANOTHER.

CUT TO THE GROUP DOWNING A ROUND OF

SHOTS AT THE BAR.

CUT TO A DISGRUNTLED NEIL STOOD OUTSIDE IN

A QUEUE AT A CASH MACHINE.

CUT TO MORGAN CHECKING LUCYS DRIVING

LICENSE JUST TO BE SURE.

CUT TO NEIL AND GEMMA DANCING ALONE.

CUT TO NEIL AND GEMMA KISSING ALONE IN ACORNER OF THE CLUB.

CUT TO CLOSE UP OF NEIL AND GEMMA.

GEMMA:

So are you gonna take me back to your place?

NEIL IS SURPRISED


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NEIL:

Im gonnahave to be honest with you. Its a bit of a

long story, but Ive only just split up with my

girlfriend - well, ex-girlfriendand Ive had to move

back into me mams back bedroom this week. Its notreally an ideal place for taking you back to. I mean Id

love to and all that, but yknow, maybe another time

would be better.

GEMMA TRIES TO HIDE HER DISAPPOINTMENT

GEMMA:

Oh okay then. Did you put an engagement ring on

a sausage for your girlfriend?

NEIL IS VISIBLY SHOCKED

NEIL:

What?! How do you even

GEMMA:

Oh, I just saw something about it on Twitter the other

day. It was trending for a while locally. Ive been

dying to ask you all night if Im honest.

NEIL:

Is there anyone who doesnt know about it?!

GEMMA:

I guessed that youd be the only Neil Bakowski

around here. Dont worry about it. I glad you aresingle now, or else I wouldnt have had you all to

myself tonight.

GEMMA KISSES NEIL AGAIN

GEMMA:

If you cant take me home, then Ill make sure I sort

something out. I just need to speak with our Lucy.

Wait here.


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5. EXT. BACK ALLEY. EARLY HOURS.

MORGAN AND LUCY ARE STROLLING DOWN THE

ALLEY ARM IN ARM.

MORGAN:

(SHOUTING) Come on, Neil. How long are you gonna

be, lad?

NEIL:

(UNSEEN) Just leave me alone. I wont be a minute.

MORGAN OFFERS LUCY A CIGERATTE AND THEY

LIGHT UP TOGETHER. AFTER A SHORT SILENCE,NEIL IS HEARD MAKING A GRUMBLING NOISE.

NEIL:

(UNSEEN): Right, Im ready now.

GEMMA STORMS FROM AROUND A CORNER OF

THE AN ADJOINING ALLEY WITH SEMEN BLINDING

HER IN ONE EYE, THOUGH THIS IS ONLY SEEN FOR

A SPLIT SECOND. SHE HEADS IN THE OPPOSITE

DIRECTION WITH LUCY.

GEMMA:

(SEEN FROM BEHIND) Come on, I have to get this off

me!

MORGAN CASUALLY TURNS AROUND

MORGAN:

(SHOUTING) See you tomorrow, Lucy!

NEIL APPEARS LOOKING VERY SHEEPISH. THEY

STROLL DOWN THE ALLEY AWAY FROM WHERE

GEMMA AND LUCY HAVE GONE.

MORGAN:

Oh yes!


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NEIL:

Whats up with you? I thought I was the one who was

supposed to be made up with some sneaky rebound

action?

MORGAN:

Fifty shades of gravy!

NEIL LAUGHS

NEIL:

Go on, you can have that one!

END.

friday night and saturday morning

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