from ignorance to emptiness

8/4/2019 From Ignorance to Emptiness

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fromIgnorancetoEmptiness 113

Id like to take the opportunity to tell you about my

own ignorance and doubts, with the realization that

we all come rom the land o ignorance and doubt

in as much as our parents and their ancestors were

born with delements that led them to ignorance as

well. Theres probably not one o us here who slipped

through to be born in the land o intelligence and reedom rom doubt. This

being the case, we must all be subject to doubts. Each o us, beore starting the

practice and in the beginning stages o the practice, is sure to suer rom ig-

norance and doubt, as these are the actors that lead to the states o becoming

and birth into which all living beings are born. When we lay the groundworkor practice, we dont have enough starting capital or intelligence to take the

lead in every situation, so ignorance is sure to nd an opening to take the lead.

I we have never trained our intelligence to show us the way, the ignorance that

holds the upper hand in the heart is sure to drag us in the wrong direction as

a matter o course.

In the beginning o my own training, I elt doubts about whether the teach-

ings o the Buddha both the practices to be ollowed and the results to be

obtained were as complete as he said they were. This was an uncertainty that

ran deep in my heart during the period in which I was debating whether or not

to practice or the really high levels o Dhamma or, to put it succinctly, or the

sake o Nibbana. Beore I considered practicing or the sake o Nibbana, these

doubts hardly ever occurred to me, probably because I hadnt yet aimed my

compass in that direction. But ater I ordained and studied the Dhamma and

especially the lie o the Buddha, which was the story o his great renunciation

leading to his attainment o the paths, the ruitions and Nibbana; and then the

lives o the Noble Disciples who, having heard the Dhamma rom the Buddha,

went o to practice in various places until they too gained Enlightenment,

becoming witnesses to the truth o the Buddha and his teachings when I had

studied to this point, I elt a sense o aith and conviction and wanted to train

mysel to be like them.


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114 Samana

But how was I to ollow the training that would make me like them? Would

the training in other words, the practice that would lead the heart to awaken

to the higher levels o Dhamma like the Buddha and his disciples still produce

the same sort o results, or would it be ruitless and merely lead to pointless

hardship or those who practiced it? Would it still give the ull results in line

with the Buddhas well-taught teachings? That was my primary doubt. But as

or believing in the Buddhas Enlightenment and that o his disciples, o this I

was ully convinced, as ar as an ordinary person can be. The thing that ormed

a stumbling block or me in the beginning stages was doubt as to whether or

not the path o practice I would take, ollowing the Buddha and his disciples,

would lead me to the same point they had reached. Perhaps it was now over-grown with brambles and thorns. Had it changed into something other than

the Dhamma that leads away rom suering, even though the Buddha and his

disciples had all ollowed this very same path to the land o peace and security?

This was my doubt concerning causes in the practice. As or the results o the

practice, I wondered whether the paths, the ruitions and Nibbana still existed

as they had in the time o the Buddha. Although they ran deep in my heart, I

couldnt tell these doubts to anyone else because I elt no one could resolvethem or me and dispel them rom my heart.

That is why I had my hopes constantly set on meeting Venerable Ajaan

Mun. Even though I had never met him beore, I had heard that he was a monk

o great distinction. By and large, the people who told me about him never

spoke o him in terms o the ordinary levels o noble attainments. They all spoke

o his Arahantship. This convinced me that when I nished my studies in line

with a vow I had made, Id have to make the eort to nd him and live under his

guidance so as to cut away the doubts running deep in my heart at that time.

I had promised mysel that I would complete the third grade o Pali stud-

ies rst. As soon as I passed the third-level Pali exams, I set out rom Bangkok

to honor that vow. I got as ar as Nakhon Ratchasima, where I spent the rains

retreat in Cakkaraad District. I started practicing or samadhi concentration and

was amazed at how my mind developed stillness and calm step by step. I could


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clearly see my heart settle down in peace. Soon ater that, the senior monk who

was my Pali teacher asked me to return to Bangkok to continue my studies. He

even had the kindness to come ater me, beore continuing to travel urther out

into the provinces. On the way back, he was going to have me accompany him

to Bangkok. I really elt in a bind, so I headed or Udon Thani in order to nd

Venerable Ajaan Mun. Along the way, the progress I had made in samadhi prac-

tice disappeared. I stopped at my home village o Baan Taad to make a simple

umbrella-tent, and that was my undoing. I hadnt even spent a ull month at

Baan Taad when I began to eel that my mind wasnt settling down in samadhi

as snugly as it had beore. Sometimes I could get it to settle down, sometimes

not. Seeing that things didnt look promising and that I could only lose by stay-ing on, I quickly let.

In coming rom Nakhon Ratchasima to Udon Thani, my purpose had been

to catch up with Venerable Ajaan Mun, who had spent the rains at Wat Noan

Nives, Udon Thani. I didnt reach him in time though, because he had been

invited to Sakon Nakhon beore my arrival, so I went on to stay at Wat Thung

Sawaang in Nong Khai or a little more than three months. In May o that year,

1942, I let Nong Khai or the town o Sakon Nakhon, and rom there went on

to the monastery where Venerable Ajaan Mun was staying at Baan Khoak, Tong

Khoam Township, Muang District, Sakon Nakhon Province. When I reached

the monastery, I ound him doing walking meditation in the late evening dusk.

Whos that? he asked, so I told him who I was. He then let his meditation

path and went to the meeting hall he was staying in a room there in the meet-

ing hall and conversed with me, showing a great deal o kindness and com-

passion or the incredibly ignorant person who had come to seek him out. He

gave me a sermon that rst evening, the gist o which Ill relate to you as ar as I

can remember it. Its a message that remains close to my heart to this day.

Youve already studied a good deal, he told me, at least enough to earn

the title o Maha. Now Im going to tell you something that I want you take and

consider. Dont imagine that I underrate the Dhamma o the Lord Buddha, but

at present no matter how much o the Dhamma youve studied, it will serve no


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116 Samana

purpose other than simply being an obstacle to your meditation, because you

wont be able to resist dwelling on it and using it to take the measure o thingswhen youre trying to calm your heart. So or the sake o developing stillness in

your heart, I want you to put away the Dhamma youve studied or the time be-

ing. When the time comes or it to benet you, it will all come streaming in to

blend perectly with your practice. At the same time, it will serve as a standard

to which you should make the heart conorm. But or the time being, I dont

want you to concern yoursel with the Dhamma youve studied at all. When

you make the mind still or investigate with wisdom, I want you rst to restrictyoursel to the sphere o the body. All o the Dhamma in the texts points to the

body and the mind, but the mind doesnt yet have any rm evidence and so it

cant take the Dhamma learned rom the texts and put it to good use. Your mind

is xated on theory in a manner that doesnt truly refect the way o the Lord

Buddha. The Dhamma will be compared with the theory youve memorized,

leading you to speculate to the point where you become a person with no solid

oundation. I want you to take what Ive said and think it over. I you set your


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mind on the practice without retreating, the day will come when these words

o mine will impress themselves on your heart.

I elt an immediate sense o aith and conviction in Venerable Ajaan Mun

as soon as I saw him ace to ace that night, both because o my conviction in

the Dhamma he was so kind to teach me and because o the assistance he gave

in letting me stay under his guidance. When staying with him, I elt a sense o

contentment hard to describe but also with a stupidity on my own part hard

to describe as well. He himsel was very kind, helping me with Dhamma every

time I went to see him.

When I rst went to stay with Venerable Ajaan Mun, my meditation prac-

tice was constantly up and down. For a long time my heart was reluctant to

settle down rmly. The rst rains I spent with him was my ninth rains, inasmuch

as I had spent my rst seven rains in study, and one rains in Nakhon Ratchasima

ater starting to practice. During that rst rains with Venerable Ajaan Mun, there


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118 Samana

was nothing but progress and decline in my samadhi. Ater the rains, I went to

stay on a mountain or more than two months and then returned to him with

my mind still up and down in the same way. I couldnt gure out why it kept

regressing even though I was intent on practicing to the ull extent o my abil-

ity. Some nights, I was unable to sleep all night long out o ear that my mental

state would deteriorate, and yet it would still manage to do so. Especially when

the mind was beginning to settle down in stillness, Id accelerate my eorts

even more, out o ear that it would regress as it had beore and even then

it would regress on me. Ater a while it would progress again only to decline

again. When it was up, it would stay at that level or only three days and then

slip back right beore my eyes. This disturbed me and made me wonder: Whatcaused it to slip back? Was it because I had let go o my meditation object?

Perhaps my mindulness had lapsed at that point. So I made a note o this and

promised mysel that no matter what, I would have to keep my mind ocused on

the meditation object at all times. Regardless o where I went and regardless o

whether I was in or out o samadhi even when I was sweeping the monastery

compound or doing any o my chores I would not allow my mind to slip away

rom Buddho, the word I liked to repeat as my meditation object.

Even when the mind settled down into stillness, as long as I could continue

to think o the meditation-word Buddho, I wouldnt let go o it. I the mind was

going to regress in any way, this was where I would know it. Having taken note

o this point and made my promise, I started repeating the word Buddho. While

I was repeating it, the mind settled down quickly, much more quickly than it

had beore. It would drop the meditation-word only when it had settled snugly

into stillness. At that moment, whether thinking Buddho or not, the awareness

o that stillness was in and o itsel solidly Buddho. At the point where the

mind ormed no thoughts at all, the repetition o Buddho would stop. As soon

as the mind made a move to withdraw in other words, as soon as it rippled

slightly Id immediately start pumping the meditation-word back in again as a

means o keeping the mind in place.


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I abandoned my concern or the progress or decline o the mind. No mat-

ter what, I wasnt willing to let go o my meditation-word. I elt no more con-

cern or how the mind might fuctuate. I simply orced it to be conscious o

Buddho. I became aware o my progress only in terms o the heart that had

Buddho in charge. Thats how I would know. Thats the one spot where Id place

my condence. I wouldnt have to concern mysel with anything else.

As time passed, the mind that had once progressed and regressed ceased

to slide back. This was what made me realize that the reason the mind had kept

regressing so oten was because o a lapse in its meditation-word; mindulness

must have slipped away at that moment or sure. So rom that point on, I kept

my meditation-word continually in place. No matter where I went or where

I stayed, I would not let mindulness lapse. Even should I be on the verge o

death, I would never let mindulness slip away rom Buddho. I the mind was

going to regress, this was the only place where Id try to know it. I wouldnt

concern mysel with the matter in any other way. As a result, the mind was able

to establish a oundation or itsel by ocusing exclusively on the meditation-

word Buddho.

Ater that came my second rains retreat with Venerable Ajaan Mun. Beore

the rains began, my mind elt still and rm in samadhi, with no regression at all.

Even then, I reused to let go o my meditation-word. I kept this up until I was

able to sit in meditation without changing my posture rom early evening until

the rst light o dawn.

During my second rains with Venerable Ajaan Mun, I considered sitting in

meditation rom dusk until dawn as more important than any other method inmy practice. Ater that I gradually eased o, as I came to see the body as a tool

that could wear out i I used it without any sense o moderation. Still, I ound

that accelerating my eorts by means o sitting all night until dawn gave more

energy to the heart than any other method.

While I was sitting rom dusk until dawn, I gained a clear comprehension

o the eelings o pain that arise rom sitting in meditation or long periods o


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120 Samana

time, because the pain that arose at that time was strange and exceptional in

many ways. The wisdom that I used to investigate so as to contend with the pain

kept at its work without fagging, until it was able to understand the nature o

every sort o pain in the body which, ater many hours o sitting, became a

solid mass o pain. At the same time, wisdom was able to penetrate deeply to

know the eelings o the heart. This practice did a great deal to strengthen my

mindulness, my discernment and my courage in meditation. At the same time,

it made me bold and condent with regard to the uture, in that the pains that

would appear at the approach o death would be no dierent rom the pains I

was experiencing and investigating in the present. Nothing about the pain o

death would be so dierent or exceptional as to deceive or conuse me at thetime o death. This was a urther realization. As soon as wisdom had ully com-

prehended the pain, the pain disappeared instantly, and the mind settled down

into total stillness.

When the mind settles down into total stillness, you could say that the

mind is empty, but its only empty in samadhi. When the mind withdraws rom

samadhi, the emptiness disappears. From there, the mind resumes its investiga-

tions and continues with them until it gains expertise in the proper use o sa-

madhi. Once samadhi is strong, wisdom steps up its investigation o the various

aspects o the body until it sees them all clearly and can remove its attachments

concerning the body once and or all. At that point, the mind begins to be pro-

gressively more empty, but it doesnt yet display a complete emptiness. As long

as it hasnt gained total prociency, images will still appear within it as mental

pictures. The images within the heart then begin to ade day by day, until nally

they are gone. No mental images appear either inside or outside the heart. This

is called an empty mind.

This kind o emptiness is the inherent emptiness o the mind that has

reached its own level. Its not the same as the emptiness o samadhi. The empti-

ness o samadhi lasts only as long as we sit in samadhi. But, when the mind lets

go o the body, because o the power o its mindulness and wisdom that are


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ully alert to the internal images, this is called the emptiness o the mind on its

own level. This emptiness, gained through wisdom, is lasting.

When this stage is reached, the mind is truly empty. Even though the body

appears, theres simply a sense that the body is there. No image o the body ap-

pears in the mind at all. Emptiness o this sort is said to be empty on the level

o the mind and its constantly empty like this at all times. I this emptiness

is Nibbana, its the Nibbana o that particular meditator or o that stage o the

mind, but its not yet the Nibbana o the Buddha. I someone were to take the

emptiness o samadhi or Nibbana, it would simply be the Nibbana o that par-

ticular meditators samadhi. Why is it that these two sorts o emptiness arent

the emptiness o the Buddhas Nibbana? Because the mind empty in samadhi

is unavoidably satised with and attached to its samadhi. The mind empty in

line with its own level is likewise unavoidably absorbed in and attached to that

sort o emptiness. The mind must then take that level o emptiness as its object

until it passes beyond it. Anyone who calls this emptiness Nibbana is actually

attached to this emptiness without realizing it. When attachment is involved,

how can this sort o emptiness be Nibbana?


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122 Samana

I we dont want to settle or this level o

Nibbana, we must take a thorough look at eel-

ing, memory, thought and consciousness until we

see them clearly and in ull detail because the

emptiness were reerring to is the emptiness o

eeling, in that a eeling o pleasure lls this emp-

tiness. Memory recognizes it as empty. Thoughts

take this emptiness as their preoccupation. Con-

sciousness is aware o an internal emptiness. So

this level o emptiness becomes the emptiness o

the minds preoccupation.

I we investigate this emptiness, seeing it clearly as a mental abrication,

we will open the way by which we are sure o transcending it someday. Investi-

gating in this way, the truth o the mind will gradually reveal itsel. The mind is

then sure to nd a way to shake itsel ree. Even the underlying basis or these

abricated things will not be able to withstand mindulness and wisdom. Mind-

ulness and wisdom o a radical sort will slash their way in just like a re that

burns without stopping when it meets with uel until they have dug up the

roots o all conditioned things. Only then will they stop their advance.

On this level, the adversaries to the Nibbana o the Buddha are the things

to which the mind is attached: the sense that, My heart is empty, My heart

is at ease, My heart is clean and clear. Although we may see the heart as

empty, its paired with a non-emptiness. The heart may seem to be satised,

but its merely the other side o dissatisaction. The heart may seem clean and

clear, but it dwells with delement without our being aware o it. Thus empti-

ness, ease and clarity are the qualities that obscure the heart because they are

the signs o becoming and birth. Whoever wants to cut o becoming and birth

should thus investigate these things with wisdom so as to let them go. Dont

be possessive o them, or they will turn into a re that burns you. When your

wisdom digs down into these three lords o becoming as they appear, you will


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come to the central hub o becoming and birth, and it will disintegrate rom the

heart the moment wisdom reaches the oundation on which it is based.

The ultimate orm o emptiness arises when those actors are ended through

the power o wisdom. No signs o any conventional reality will appear in that

emptiness at all. It is an emptiness dierent rom the other orms o emptiness

we have passed through. Whether that emptiness can be called the emptiness

o the Buddha, or whose emptiness it is, Im araid I cant say, other than that

its an emptiness that each meditator can know directly only or him or hersel

alone.

The ultimate emptiness has no time or season. Its absolutely timeless. Theemptiness o samadhi can fuctuate and change. The emptiness o the ormless

or imageless level, which serves as our path, can change or be transcended. But

this emptiness exclusively within onesel doesnt change because there is no

sel within this emptiness, and no sense that this emptiness is onesel. There is

simply the knowledge and vision o things as they are seeing this emptiness in

line with its natural principles as they actually are, and seeing all phenomena

as they actually are. Even moral virtue, samadhi and wisdom the qualities we

use to straighten out the heart are realized or what they are and let go in line

with their true nature. Nothing at all remains lurking in the nature o this nal

stage o emptiness.

Please refect on these three kinds o emptiness and try to attain them in

your practice. Especially the last orm o emptiness, which is emptiness in the

principles o nature, beyond the range where any other person or any conven-

tional reality can become involved with it ever again. Our doubts, ranging romthe beginning levels o the Dhamma to this ultimate emptiness, will nally be

resolved, with our own knowledge and vision acting as judge.

from ignorance to emptiness

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