front page newspaper 01/31

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Tue. 01.31.12 Volume 23, Issue 1 [email protected] Join us on Facebook >> facebook.com/frontpage Serving Front Range Community College Since 1989 LIFE. New Year . See what FRCC students are excit- ed for 2012. >>pg. 3 ENTERTAINMENT NFL. The Broncos are out, Giants and Patriots are in. Who are you rooting for to win Superbowl XLVI? >>pg. 3 Chinese New Year! NSO introduces new students for spring 2012 >> 2 R hythmic drumming and col- orful traditional Chinese garb beckoned students to Front Range Community College’s Rotunda room during Stu- dent Life’s Chinese New Year Celebra- tion held Wednesday Jan. 25, 2012. The Chinese year 4709 was brought in with a historically performed lion dance, a mar- tial arts performance, Chinese food, and traditional calligraphy. The festivities were kicked off with a New Year’s Lion Dance. The dance, performed by the National Martial Arts Academy, is performed as a ritual meant to cleanse the building or area, warding off evil spirits in the year to come. About a half-dozen people formed two colorful dragons. The choreography was precise and detailed, making the dragons appear to move in one fluid, synchronized mo- tion. The elaborate dance combined with the vivid colors made the show festive and engaging. Following the New Year performance, members of the National Martial Arts Academy put on a martial arts demonstration. This school of mar- tial arts travels the world to demonstrate their art. The exhibition was impressive as members of the academy were athletic and able to perform remarkable light- footed acrobatics. The performance in- cluded ten different styles of martial arts. “Styles included: long fist, drunken sword, and praying mantis,” informed Noah Goldman, student at the National Martial Arts Academy. These tradition- al fighting styles are featured in many different Hollywood movies such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. >>pg. 2

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Tue. 01.31.12Volume 23, Issue 1

[email protected] us on Facebook >> facebook.com/frontpage

Serving Front Range Community College Since 1989

LIFE. New Year. See what FRCC students are excit-

ed for 2012.>>pg. 3

ENTERTAINMENT

NFL.The Broncos are out, Giants and Patriots are in. Who are you rooting for to win Superbowl XLVI? >>pg. 3

Chinese New Year!

NSO introduces new students for spring 2012 >> 2

Rhythmic drumming and col-orful traditional Chinese garb beckoned students to Front Range Community College’s Rotunda room during Stu-

dent Life’s Chinese New Year Celebra-tion held Wednesday Jan. 25, 2012. The Chinese year 4709 was brought in with a historically performed lion dance, a mar-tial arts performance, Chinese food, and traditional calligraphy.

The festivities were kicked off with a New Year’s Lion Dance. The dance, performed by the National Martial Arts Academy, is performed as a ritual meant to cleanse the building or area, warding off evil spirits in the year to come. About a half-dozen people formed two colorful dragons. The choreography was precise and detailed, making the dragons appear to move in one fl uid, synchronized mo-tion. The elaborate dance combined with

the vivid colors made the show festive and engaging. Following the New Year performance, members of the National Martial Arts Academy put on a martial arts demonstration. This school of mar-tial arts travels the world to demonstrate their art. The exhibition was impressive as members of the academy were athletic and able to perform remarkable light-footed acrobatics. The performance in-cluded ten different styles of martial arts.

“Styles included: long fi st, drunken sword, and praying mantis,” informed Noah Goldman, student at the National Martial Arts Academy. These tradition-al fi ghting styles are featured in many different Hollywood movies such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

>>pg. 2

The halls were full of both excited and anxious students all ready to get back to their school schedules. Some students were returning from their Winter Break, while others were just about to start their college experience for the fi rst time. On Tuesday, Jan. 17, FRCC commenced the fi rst day of the 2012 spring semester. Many face a wide array of issues on the fi rst day, but the most signifi cant setbacks are students struggling to fi nd their classrooms and the long lines to get help with fi nance, ad-vising and scheduling questions.

Everyone has diffi culty fi nd-ing their classroom at fi rst, but the new students have appeared

to be the most lost. Helping those students were faculty and staff who were strategically located, providing maps of the campus. Four tables were set up at campus entrances, so that few students would ever fi nd themselves without a map. In addition to maps, they also welcomed new students by giv-ing them bottles with cards that dated exciting future events that will be held on campus this se-mester through Student Life.

An estimated 150 more stu-dents joined FRCC this semes-ter than the 6,528 that attended FRCC Westminster campus last spring. The construction of the new Welcome Center was de-signed to cater to students’ need to gain quicker access to the facili-ties offered.

“We are just on the fi rst day, but in light of the construction, I re-ally think things are going much smoother,” stated Gay Hampton, Assistant to the Dean of Student Services. The usual fi rst-day may-hem became a neat and orderly process, as students no longer have to visit multiple locations on campus to get help with their scheduling, advising and fi nancial questions.

“It’s nice to have everything in one place,” expresses Karen Promes, Front Desk Assistant at the Welcome Center. All Students

Services offi ces can now be found in one convenient loca-tion.

Student Lenee Barry has a positive attitude about the new semester, exclaiming, “It will be fantastic!” The fi rst few days of class appeared to run smoother with the help of the new Welcome Center. FRCC Students were ready to start and knowing that their sched-ule could potentially have an overbearing workload, they prepared and organized their schedules accordingly at the new FRCC Welcome Center.

P art-time professors have an important role in the lives of the students they

teach. More often than not, in-structors teach at more than one campus and commute con-siderable distances to do so. However, many do not qualify

for paid healthcare benefi ts, and some do not have access to a pri-vate offi ce. As new laws are be-ing considered in the early stages of 2012, healthcare benefi ts are in question for part-time instructors.

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA), which was passed by U.S. Con-gress in 2010, will require that changes be made to how the Colorado Community College

System (CCCS) has been func-tioning.

“They are convening system staff to look at the issues so we are in the early stages of review-ing the legislation,” states Rhon-da Bentz, Director of Media and Government Relations with CCCS. Therefore, the CCCS is unable to determine exactly what changes will be made and how those changes will affect students and the adjunct instruc-tors who teach them.

The new PPACA law could negatively affect part-time in-structors at FRCC, and ulti-mately, the students they teach. Many companies are confront-ing setbacks, and thus face hav-

ing to make the diffi cult decision to lay off some of their employ-ees or cut back their scheduled hours. FRCC could be challenged with making some of those same decisions. If the CCCS must pose budget cuts backs, it is possible that those cuts may be directed at the hours instructors are able to teach. Capping instructors’ hours potentially eliminates their op-tion to have paid healthcare and thus, help to cut costs.

As previously stated by Bentz, the PPACA law is currently in its early stages and much of what will come into effect is still being determined. There are many ar-eas, such as the number of hours an instructor can teach, that are still being evaluated before tak-ing effect in January 2012.“Our role is to evaluate how best to implement [the PPACA] for CCCS,” states Bentz. The CCCS aims to make improvements for adjunct instructors and in turn, community colleges as a whole.

N ew Student Orientation (NSO) is a crash course of all the ins and outs of FRCC. This event takes place

prior to each semester on all campus loca-tions. The NSO meeting covers a range of different topics, such as offered services available to them, a campus tour locating their scheduled classes, and an overview of different clubs.

Immediately following the main intro-

ductory meeting, students are able to attend a special session based more on their in-dividual interests. Students studying Busi-ness, Math, English, Multimedia Graphic Design (MGD), healthcare professions, etc. were given insight into those programs. There was also access to information about fi nancial aid, services for students who are parents, and those who need help managing their course load. These special sessions al-

low students the opportunity to ask faculty and staff members questions related to their fi eld of study as well as help students meet others with common interests.

Two-hundred and sixty students attend-ed the morning and evening orientations at the Westminster campus. Isaac Ramon, In-formation Specialist and a NSO volunteer for over two years, explains that attendance was lower this year semester and the orien-

tation was “a lot more laid back” due to the snowy conditions, but still had a great turn out overall.

Students are encouraged to attend a NSO session, regardless of whether it is their fi rst semester at FRCC. Much can be learned from orientations because they of-fer information that can better prepare a student for success in the future.

New students get the run-down on FRCC

Adjunct professors

Part-time professorsFirst day.

Back to school 2012 Philip PohlmanStaff Writer

Rachel BaileyStaff Writer

Rachel BaileyStaff Writer

New Student Orientation welcomes students for spring 2012.

NSO.

2 The Front Page NEWS January 31, 2012

Parking lot is packed, but it doesn’t affect the perfect mountain view. Photo by Liz Mullis.

New students listening to speakers to gain insight for their new endeavors at FRCC. Photos by Curtis Halley

For students to feel fully immersed in the traditional festivities, Student Life provided a few other cultural amenities. Chinese calligraphy art-ist, Yunn Pann, provided lessons in calligraphy. The pieces Pann created were elegant works of art stamped with her seal. Students that made their own pieces had access to au-thentic tools, providing them with a fi rsthand experience in creating tra-ditional Chinese calligraphy art.

No cultural experience would be complete without sampling Chinese cuisine. Fortunately for FRCC stu-dents in attendance, Student Life was prepared; eggrolls and fried rice were served at the festivities.

FRCC and Student Life brought in the year of the dragon in style with a wide range of enriching cultural ac-tivities and spectacles.

T ax season is coming, which means that a time often frustrating to many has returned. This year, FRCC is of-

fering a service to help change such nega-tive sentiment.

This year, FRCC has teamed up with the Piton Foundation to help low-income fami-lies fi le their taxes. Piton is a private foun-dation whose sole purpose is to help low-income families move from poverty and dependence into self-reliance and fi nancial stability. Together Piton and FRCC planned several events to help families who make less than $49,000 a year fi le their taxes with ease.

These events, which are sponsored by Key Bank, will be held at the eastern end of the ‘B’ level at FRCC from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. each Saturday; from now until the end of March 3. Not only are they helping oth-ers fi le their taxes, but they are also help-ing FRCC students get real life accounting

practice.“[Students] are going to learn interper-

sonal skills by sitting with these families, and will learn how to give the occasional diffi cult, but important, answers that will not make people happy,” says Kevin Mc-Farlane, a faculty member in the FRCC Accounting Department. In addition to being good practice for students, it is also a good way to volunteer in the commu-nity. One of these volunteers is Juanita Garcia, who is retired and has worked with Piton on several occasions for simi-lar events.

The volunteers, along with McFarlane and Bernita Hadley—a Piton representa-tive—guided attendees with their tax fi l-ing, typing in all their information on a website provided by Piton. Before print-ing and fi nalizing the data, volunteers required tax fi lers to revise their informa-tion for any errors; they even offered ad-vice and estimated times related to when people’s tax returns would arrive.

“It took maybe 50 minutes compared to the hour and a half alone last year. The people were nice and friendly, and it was free,” says Suzanne Vigil, who was one of the fi rst attendees to complete her tax return. Vigil is just one of the 300 people that McFarlane eagerly expects to help during the course of the next few Satur-days.

S ince the decline of the U.S. econ-omy, government, businesses and individuals have been faced with

fi nancial diffi culties and cutbacks. High-er education has also been on the fore-front of cutbacks and eliminations in re-cent years. Tuition increases, instructor lay-offs and increasing class sizes are a few of the effects most commonly seen, especially in the community college sys-tem. As 2012 is beginning, state budget proposals have already been long under-way. Although “budget cut” is a phrase that is notoriously associated with nega-tive thoughts and feelings, this year’s cuts may not be as painful as previously anticipated. In fact, these plans will not take effect for another couple of years.

As the U.S. economy improves, cuts to the Colorado Community College System (CCCS) will be less severe than prior expected. Since implementing the proposed budget from Gov. John Hick-enlooper in Nov., state revenues have improved, leaving the CCCS with a

$2.44 million (or 2.2%) reduction from the current 2011-12 fi scal year a lower reduction than previous years. “Higher education,” among other departments, “have the least restrictions on their bud-gets,” states Rhonda Bentz, Director of Media and Government Relations with the CCCS.

The process for proposing a budget

and having it take effect is very tedious and time consuming. Bentz explains, “The Governor is required to submit a budget to the legislature and then, from there the legislature writes its own bud-get and debates it [during] the months of March and April. Once that is complet-

ed, they send it to the Governor for his signature and it becomes law. He has the power to veto specifi c parts of the budget if he does not agree that an area should be cut or increased.”

With this process in mind, there are still many unanswered questions as to the specifi cs of the proposed cuts. It is undetermined where and how many cuts will be made. However, Bentz states, “The main objective of our colleges is to keep the money as close to the classroom as possible so that there is as little, if any, disruption to the students’ education as possible.”

Budget cuts are a negative attribute in a rough economy and affect everyone differently. Some students will barely notice them, while others will be forced to make tough decisions on whether or not they have the fi nancial means to complete their college education.

“Budget cuts are diffi cult and don’t help but CCCS has prepared to manage the cuts the best possible way so we can continue to provide students with a qual-ity and affordable education,” explains Bentz.

Information was obtained from the CCCS.

Free tax helpTaxes.

Chinese New Year(continued from front page)

Rachel BaileyStaff Writer Vina Sitthisay

Staff Writer

Philip PohlmanStaff Writer

FRCC teams up with the Piton Foundation to help low-income families fi le taxes.

Higher ed. budget cut proposal

“The main objec-tive of our colleg-es is to keep the

money as close to the classroom as

possible”

3 The Front Page News January 31, 2012

The bell has rung, and the spring semes-ter has sprung into action; however, many students are still feeling the lull of the re-cent break. With the need to wake up early and actively use one’s brain, fatigue-strick-

en students wander the halls trying to find a way to shake off the break.

Some students turn to energy drinks to keep them going through the day. Without the aid of these liquids, many students can-not retain information and some even fall asleep in class. Drinking energy drinks may seem like a logical thing to do, but it may actually be doing much more harm than good. Mayo Clinic advises that en-ergy drinks can cause weight gain because they contain a high amount of sugar; the same beverages can lead to feelings of ir-ritability, nervousness and produce energy crashes. Their labels garner many caution labels because they have been known to raise people’s heart rate.

A healthier alternative to energy drinks is to wake up a little earlier and eat a good breakfast. It may seem counterintuitive, but the fuel provided by a good breakfast

is essential for maintaining energy levels throughout the day. The Live Strong web-site suggests incorporating dietary fiber and other “good” carbohydrates at break-fast time to help jumpstart the day.

To avoid falling asleep during class, standing up and stretching may help the

body into feeling more alert. It is advis-able to inform instructors of the reasoning behind such strange behavior and far more respectful than falling asleep during their lecture.

The late nights that come with being a student are inevitable. The best way to avoid too many late nights is to avoid pro-crastinating and to stay organized. Having a personalized schedule helps to manage time that could be used resting or having fun.

Making a few small tweaks i n study habits and healthier nutritional decisions will help FRCC students adjust to the new semester. Soon enough, the hard work will pay off and a summer of rest and fun will commence.

New Year excitement!Philip P.Staff Writer

Vina SitthisayStaff Writer

Photos by Liz B.1. asljf 2. aslkd 3. aslsadfdfj 4. aasdldf 5. aldj

Getting back on TrackTips on re-adjusting after the long Winter Break.

Re-adjusting.

2012!

4 The Front Page LIFE January 31, 2012

Photo by Vina Sitthisay

1. Roman Ortega 2. Peter Ozanich 3. Angel Castillo 4. Ben King 5. Arielle Gay

Photos by Liz Mullis

“Visiting my brother over

Spring Break.”

“For the sun to start

shining.”

“Getting out of the house.”

“My daughter turning two.”

“How the new campus is going to

look.”

1

2

3

4

5

A ribbon cutting ceremony was held from 2-4 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 27 officially

opening the new Student Services Center (SSC) at the Westmin-ster campus. The Grand Open-ing ceremony was complimented by small tours and a light buffet. Aside from the FRCC faculty and students, others in attendance in-cluded, members of legislature, state board for community colleg-es, FRCC area advisory council, system office dignitaries. The af-fair was an academic a-list event.

The SSC—also known as the Welcome Center—has been in use since November 3, 2012; howev-er, this was more of a “soft open-ing,” which in business jargon for a testing period for adjustments

and setting up. The scissor snip of the oversized ribbon legitimizes the center, and now that the area is officially opened, most kinks have been worked out and the SSC is fully functioning.

“The area looks a lot better, with more rooms for lines,” says Carly Puchase, a recent FRCC graduate. Most seem to agree that the new SSC is esthetically pleas-ing. In addition to a sleek design, the SCC is also practical. The cir-culation desk in the center of the SSC works as the first level of customer services, equipped with staff guiding students to the ap-propriate service offices.

“The new center is better be-cause everything centralized, we don’t need to send students up

and down the stairs and down the hall to find the different depart-ments, it is also more comfortable and inviting” explained Michael Mckee, an Administrative Assis-tant of Student Services.

“I feel like more people come because the lines don’t look as daunting,” said Tresa Baca, a

work-study student hired by the Financial Aid Department.

Students and faculty dressed in business attire and tidied up their offices in preparation for the Grand Opening. Part of the event included a tour of the facil-ity where staff and students were available to help answer ques-

tions for visitors about the ser-vices offered.

The consensus seems to be that the new SCC is a vast improve-ment to the campus, helping im-prove access to Student Services throughout the year.

A new semester means new books, new classes, and this semester it also brings

about new faculty and staff. One of the new members of the FRCC family is Kate Douglass. On Jan. 25, Douglass sat down with The Front Page and talked about her new position in the advising de-partment at the Westminster cam-pus.

Q. Can you introduce yourself and tell us a little about what you do?

A. My name is Kate Douglass and I started at the Westminster campus last week. Actually, my first day was Jan. 19. I came from the Larimer campus, where I was working primarily with veteran students, supporting them and their academic and educational goals and pursuits. My current role is the Assistant Director of Advising and a Retention Coun-selor. My focus is going to be working with students referred to me through faculty, who may be struggling in a course or not do-ing as well academically as they potentially could. I can actively

contact them or set up appoint-ments to get them resources and support, so they can succeed aca-demically.

Q. Do you like this better then working with veteran students?

A. I have a background in work-ing with individuals at risk, and helping them maintain good standing within an academic institution, so that’s where my strengths lie. I was able to do this with the veteran students, but I feel like in this position I will be able to reach more students.

Q. What brought you from the Larimer campus to the Westmin-ster campus?

A. I wanted to come to the West-minster campus because the di-rector is someone that I really admire as a leader, and the lead-ership I felt was in line with who I am as a professional and my goals. Also, the Westminster area appealed to me as well.

Q. How do you like it so far in Westminster?

A. So far, it’s fabulous. I am re-ally enjoying getting to know all of my colleagues. I haven’t had the opportunity to interact with a lot of students yet because I am new. My colleagues have been really welcoming and I am really excited because they have good energy. Then, there is the new

Student Services area [where] the collaboration occurring right now amongst the Student Services De-partment is really admirable. Be-ing a part of this is exciting.

Q. Apart from the satisfaction of seeing people succeed what is your favorite part of this job?

A. My favorite part of this job is watching individuals identify what they are good at. So often, I think our society—and people in general—focus on what is not go-ing well, and I like to help people focus on what IS going well. [I enjoy] helping them identify their strengths and identify where they want to be in the future, setting goals, coming up with strategies, improving their confidence and hopefully improve how they see themselves, not only today, but every day from now.

Q. Finally, what are your hopes or goals for your work at this cam-pus?

A. During my time here at West-minster, I hope that students have a positive experience in the advis-ing office. I would like students to feel free to come in and talk to me. I have an open door where they can make suggestions about how we can improve the services we provide. Mostly, I would like to be someone that the students feel they can talk to.

Vina SitthisayStaff Writer

Vina SitthisayStaff Writer

Grand Opening!

Q+A with new Assist.Director of Advising

Student services.

Various members of the designing crew gather with the President and Vice President of FRCC to finally cut the robbon.Photo by Liz Mullis

The Front Page January 31, 2012 5

Photo byLiz Mullis

The grass is mowed and painted, tails are being gated, and February is beginning. What does it all mean? It means that the Super Bowl is fast approaching. With a season that began in a lock out, it is hard to believe the National Football League (NFL) season is ending.

Division title games have been played, designating the respective champions: the New York Giants with a 21 to 17 win over the 49ers during overtime and the New England Patriots, who beat the Ravens 23 to 20. The matchup between the New Eng-land Patriots and New York Giants prom-ises to be entertaining because these are the same two teams that played in Super Bowl 42; however, the outcome is yet to be written.

Statistically—according to the NFL website—the Patriots place top fi ve in point yards and passing yards, and lack only in rushing yards. This means that if the Patriots stick to passing the ball, they will have a higher chance of winning the game. This should be no problem because the Patriots have Quarterback, Tom Brady, who holds many NFL records and has al-ready been to the Super Bowl fi ve times.

Regardless of New England’s sparkling record, at the end of the epic match in 2008, the Giants left victorious, but can that hap-pen again? Some believe that because the

Giants already beat the Patriots during the regular season, the Giants will have the upper edge. Eli Manning, quarterback for the NY Giants, has been doing relatively well. In fact, according to the NFL web-site, he has only thrown one interception all season. The Giants rank fi fth in passing yards—so long as Manning’s receivers are on top of their game—the Giants have a good chance at being victorious.

A novelist could not have written this rematch better. Will the New England of-fense, with its massive tight ends and top-rated quarterback, get their vengeance and defeat the Giants? Or will Eli Manning, once again, show Tom Brady that statistics are not everything—victories are.

L ast year, the snowcapped mountains welcomed many people to their fresh powdered ski resorts; how-

ever, this year the lack of snow is scaring away skiers and snowboarders. Despite the decrease in snow accumulation, there is an increase in injury compared to last year. This is due to there being less room for people to maneuver and large sheets of ice in place of where the usual fresh powder should be.

Vail—a notorious Coloradoan ski town—is one of the many resorts suffer-ing because of the lack of snow this sea-son. According to Fox31, shortly after Christmas, their base snow level was at

18 inches, which is miniscule compared to the 41 inches they got in 2011. Not only is Vail seeing a major drop in snow levels, but both Keystone and Copper Mountain have had only 20 to 22 inches at the base of their resorts as well.

The problem with these lower levels of snow is that the customary smooth runs of deep snow pack are not so smooth; there is less snow to cover the bumpy and rough, natural shape of the slope. These exposed bumps, which are diffi cult to spot while skiing downhill, are increasing the num-ber of accidents and injuries. The Denver Post reported that during a single day of the holiday season—typically resorts’ busi-est time of year—an estimated 74 patients were treated at the St. Anthony Medical Center in Frisco; this exceeds the standard range of about 50 injured snow-goers.

With less forecasted snowfall, resorts are having to use manmade snow, which ices over much easier at the end of the day, resulting in slick conditions. This poten-tially leads to more collisions, which on average account for seven percent of acci-dents, but are predicted to rise to ten per-cent. This rise is not only because of icier

conditions, but because fewer runs are open to the public. This forces people into a smaller area; the result is that people have less room to maneuver and accidents are more likely to occur.

UPDATE: Lately, however, a large amount of snow has been dumped onto the mountains, which was a relief to some, but a danger to others. With the new snow, several people have died due to avalanches despite warn-ings. It is important to follow resort guidelines and precautions as they are put into place for people’s safety.

Rematch of the titans

Little snow, big problems

Philip PohlmanStaff Writer

Vina SitthisayStaff Writer

NFL.

Lack of snow in the mountains causes more accidents.

Snow.

A bright warm spring day in

MonarchdPhoto by

Philip Pohlman

Photos courtesy of www.logoinspirations.com

6 The Front Page ENTERTAINMENT January 31, 2012

Editor-in-ChiefKathleen TimbolAssociate Editor

Curtis HalleyCopy Editor

Helen Satchwell

Philip Pohlman, WriterVina Sitthisay, Writer

Liz Mullis, PhotojournalistRachel Bailey,

Writer

Staff

Newspaper AdvisorsAmy Rosdil

Jason Wright

THE FRONT PAGE

The entire content of The Front Page is

copyrighted by the FRCC Board of Publications. No part of the publication may be reproduced

without the written permission of the publisher. The staff of The Front Page is encouraged to

subscribe to the principles of the Society of Professional Journalists Code of Ethics.

Inquiries may be referred to the Offi ce of Human

Resources, 3645 W. 112th Avenue, Westminster CO 80031-2199, (303-466-8811); The Director of

Affi rmative Action for the Colorado College System, 9101 E. Lowry Blvd., Denver CO 80230-

6011; or to the Offi ce for Civil Rights, U.S. Dept. of Education, 1961 Stout St., Denver CO 80204

The Front Page January 31, 2012 7

EXPRESSYOUROPINION.

[email protected]

get published& be heard

Fun PunsFun Puns

The Front Page TAKE 5 January 31, 20128

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

A rubber band pistol was confi scated from al-gebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall; the police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting big-ger; then it hit me.

Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie.

Compiled by Philip Pohlman