gaykk- jared michael choate

8/19/2019 GayKK- Jared Michael Choate

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/gaykk-jared-michael-choate 1/7

GayKK

by Jared Michael Choate

[email protected] 1621 Sonoma AvenueBerkeley, CA 94707(530) 601-7696

mailto:[email protected]



1

INT. KKK BOARD ROOM - DAY

KLANSMEN sit around a boardroom table adorned with NAZI PROPAGANDA and copies ofperiodicals like BIGOT MONTHLY and COSMO FOR KLANSMEN.

The GRAND WIZARD enters. All stand and offer a NAZI SALUTE.

GRAND WIZARDYou all know why I brought you here today.

(beat)The Klan has gotten out of touch.

The Klansmen nod.

GRAND WIZARD

We’re losing membership left and right. To people talkin’ bout di-versity . But what has di-versityever had to offer?

KLANSMENNothin! / Not a damn thing! / I don’t even love my children!

A Klansmen pulls off his HOOD to scratch his face. CU on the hood’s tag: MADE IN CHINA.

CGI SIGNAGE appears around all items in the room that were produced in other countries.

CARPET -INDIA. WHITEBOARD -KOREA.

TABLE -IKEA.

GRAND WIZARDThese days -- it’s all about branding. So I went to Bing.com and did some googling. I typed in

corporate style guru -- and invited the first result without looking any further.(beat)

So please give a special Ku Klux Klan welcome -- to Ms. Priscilla Throbs!

Enter MS. PRISCILLA THROBS -- a man -- to the shock of everyone. In dress, speech andmaneurism there is one word befitting him: FLAMING.

PRISCILLAMs. Throbs was my mother. Priscilla, please.

(sees crowd)Now this is an interesting bunch!

Priscilla curiously examines the hood on one of the Klansmen’s heads.



2

PRISCILLADo you mind if I just?

(plucks hood off Klansman’s head)Thanks Hun.

KLANSMAN 1Hey!!!

PRISCILLA(examining the fabric)What is this? Rayon?

(throws in a garbage can)So...the hoods are gone.

GRAND WIZARD

The hoods weren’t an agenda item.

Priscilla pulls out a SEWING MACHINE and FABRIC and begins sewing.

PRISCILLA(snapping fingers)

Let’s move forward, not backward, Sweetheart!

GRAND WIZARDSweetheart? Now listen here. You have to leave RIGHT NOW! There’s been a terrible mistake.

Before he can continue, Priscilla reveals a CANARY YELLOW KLAN HOOD. Subtle butdistinguished, it draws ooh’s from the crowd.

PRISCILLA(puts on Klansman 1’s head)Consider yo self... fancified!

KLANSMAN 1Hey! This breathes!

PRISCILLAThat’s a bamboo hemp blend. Very breathable. And very sustainable.

The Klansmen gather round, admiring the fabric and color. They’re definitely tasting therainbow.

KLANSMAN 2



3

To be honest -- I wasn’t really tied to the white.KLANSMAN 3

Stains easy.

GRAND WIZARD

Listen up! We’re not here to (finger quotes) ”fancify” our hoods.

A dissenting clatter rises among the Klansmen. But before the Grand Wizard can object further-- Priscilla reveals a TASTEFULLY MACRAMÉD RED HOOD -- and puts it on the GrandWizard.

PRISCILLAStill so sure?

The Grand Wizard examines it, admiring the contours, the sewmanship. Then he catches

himself.

GRAND WIZARDYes! Now please leave!!

Priscilla examines a SWASTIKA POSTER on the wall.

PRISCILLA(to Klansman 3)

You guys Hindus, or Buddhists, or something?

KLANSMAN 3We’re not allowed to like them. But I’ve met a few.

(beat)They’re good people!

GRAND WIZARDNo! They most certainly are not!

PRISCILLAThen why do you have a Buddhist symbol hanging in here?

GRAND WIZARDBecause we’re Klansmen!! That’s a symbol of our brotherhood!

PRISCILLASounds hot.

(then)



4

Well it needs an upgrade, Hedwig. I’ll throw something together for you.

Priscilla pulls out a MACBOOK with RAINBOW STICKERS on it.GRAND WIZARD

That has been a symbol of this organization for almost 100 years!

PRISCILLA And it’s been around for over 5000. Heard of Sanskrit? It’s called History class, queenie...

(beat)Skip less of it.

Priscilla pulls out a giant MCAD PRINTER and labors it onto the boardroom table.

GRAND WIZARDI have HAD it with your insubordination! You need to get out right...

Priscilla prints out SWASTIKA 2.0. Full color. Rainbow background. New rounded edges. Itcould be the logo of a Silicon Valley startup. Very sleek. But also -- very gay.

PRISCILLAI think this is really gonna open the floodgates. Kinda makes me want to open a floodgate or two

right now.(points at Klansman 2)

This gay knows what I’m talkin’ about.

Klansman 2 looks startled. And highly closeted. Afraid he’s been outed -- he toughens hisposture.

KLANSMAN 4I don’t want to speak for everyone Ms. Priscilla.

(beat)But I really love what you’ve done with it.

PRISCILLAI know.(beat)

You gays got a website?

Klansman 3 gestures to the computer. Priscilla nudges it to him and he types in the URL beforehanding it back. Priscilla reaffirms command and sits intently at the helm, typing frantically.

GRAND WIZARDWe’ve gotta stay on track here! Focus on the issues! And you...



5

(motions to Priscilla)You have to go!

PRISCILLA

Your new site will be up in two shakes of Elton John’s coke nail.

GRAND WIZARDWe don’t need a new site!!

There’s a knock on the door.

PRISCILLANew suits are here! Come on in boys!

A group of FIERY HOMOSEXUAL MEN enter with KLAN OUTFITS in a variety of bright colors!

PRISCILLAI eyeballed the sizes -- but I think we’ll be good.

They hand them out to the Klansmen, who enthusiastically try on their new multi-colored outfits.

KLANSMENThis fits perfect! / Great sizing! / The hood really sculpts my jawline!

GRAND WIZARDRight now! You have to go...RIGHT NOW!

The Klansmen look disenchanted, objecting with the decision.

KLANSMAN 4I don’t know boss. These are pretty great!

GRAND WIZARDI’m done. DONE! You guys do whatever you want. I’m out of here!!!

The Grand Wizard leaves.

PRISCILLAWell that’s a shame. Because the new website’s up.

The Klansmen gather around the computer. Oooh and Aaahs give rise to a round of applause!



6

CU of WEBSITE: full of rainbows and unicorns, “Don’t Stop Me Now” by QUEEN plays in theb.g.

PULL OUT to reveal the Klansmen in NEW COLOR OUTFITS, twerkin with Ms. Priscilla Throbsand his cadre of gay boys.

gaykk- jared michael choate

Documents