RELATIOINS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

The Islamic Perspective for Muslim Youth growing up in North America

Islam

• Islam is a complete way of life that encompasses all aspects of one’s personal and social life. As such, this divine code of life applies to everyone irrespective of time and place. One of the most important aspects of this code of life is its emphasis on our social obligations.

Religion Vs. Way of life

Love

Our need to love…

And to BE loved…

In the beginning…

There was Adam (a)

Then there was Hawa (a)

Commandment

One of the first commandments to Adam:“Adam, live you and your wife in the Garden.”

(2:34)

Note: Allah did not say that Adam should live there with his girlfriend, friend, or just a woman. He said to Adam that he should live there with his WIFE. …no lust but a role of husband that comes with responsibilities.

Clarification

Contrary to popular belief…

LOVE DOES EXIST IN ISLAM!!!

But in defined parameters

Love Defined

“The believer is an embodiment of Love, and there is no good in a person who does not love and who is not beloved”

It is part of human nature:• Innate Feeling• Natural phenomenon

– Do not be afraid of love, but be afraid of what direction you LET your love lead you

Factors of Love

Marriage/Love is a blessing from Allah.

Qur’an uses the word “libaas” (2:187) or

Garments

• Protectors

• Companions

• Friendship

Disillusionment of Love

• Loss of the true essence

• Disillusionment

• Infatuation-Lust

Societal Influences

• Movies

• Music

• Non-Muslims/Muslim friends

• Norms of the society

Effects of Dating/Pre-marital Relations

Pseudo-Relationship– Fakeness– Insincerity– “Just to have a good time”– Superficial– EXPENSIVE– In violation of Allah’s commands.– Door to major sins.

Interaction between Genders

Defined in Qur’an“Come not near adultery, Lo! It is an

abomination and an evil way.” (17:32)“Allah commands justice, kindness, and

giving to near relatives, while He forbids sexual misconduct, debauchery and insolence. He instructs you, so that you may receive admonition.” (16:90)

Interaction between Genders

In Hadith:

“When there are only two, the third is shaitaan”

“Give me a guarantee (that you will not misuse) what is between your jaws and what is between your legs, and I guarantee you Jannah"

- Story Time!- Snow Ball Effect Reality (not theory)

Islamic Solution

Proper Hijaab

Marriages earlier than the norms of Today’s Society

Arranged Marriages/ Guided Marriages

Hijaab

• Contrary to popular belief-– Hijaab is a PRACTICE of HAYA and a strong

message not just the cloth that sisters wear on their heads

• Defines the interaction between Men and Women

Hijaab Defined

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze from looking at forbidden things and to protect their private parts, that is purer for them, verily Allah is all aware of that what they do”

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornments except that which is apparent”

(24:30,31)

Marriage in Islam

• Contrary to popular belief– Marriage is the union of two families NOT

union of two individuals

“How do I know when I’m ready to be married?”

Answer

Questions to ask myself:

1. Am I ready to take on the responsibilities of that role (Husband/Wife/Father/Mother)

- Am I mature enough?

Islamic Solution to Dating

ARRANGED/Guided

MARRIAGES

Misconceptions of Arranged /Guided Marriages

Society Thinks/Says:“How do you marry someone you don’t

know?”Solution:Q:“When your dating, are you seeing that

person as they are? Or how they want you to see them?”

Muslim Extended Family System

Internal Misconceptions

Today’s Muslim Girl’s Fears:

• He’ll keep me:– Barefoot– Pregnant– Cooking all day long

• He’ll have no concept of love at all

Internal Misconceptions

Today’s Muslim brother thinks:

• She won’t be cool to hang out with

• She’ll tell him everything he does is HARAAM.

• She’ll keep him on lock down

Arranged/Guided Marriage Defined

• Family system implements overlapping checks

• NO one can force you to marry anyone

• Built on communication– TWO WAY!!!!!!!

Process

• Communicate Early– If you can’t communicate with your parents call

someone who can.

• Trust in Allah– If its meant to be, it’ll happen, there is nothing

that you can do that will make it happen faster.

Qualities to look for in a Wife

• Deen

• Wealth

• Family Status

• Beauty

If you want to be successful, Choose Deen

Qualities to look for in a Husband

• Deen

• Amanah– Akhlaaq

Tips

• If marriage looks far off:– Lower your gaze– Avoid situations where you might be overcome

by lust– Never let shaitaan give you an excuse to talk to

a sister/brother, NOW MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS

Common Excuses

Common excuses that shaitaan will give:

• He/She is Muslim

• “We’re just friends”

• “our intentions are good”

• “What’s wrong with it?”

• “We’re discussing Islam”

• “We trust each other and ourselves”

Fear Allah…

The only solution