LESSON 3

FRIENDSHIP

THE Rx FOR HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS

NOTES

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Get Healthy: Friendship

Lesson Three: The Rx for Healthy Friendships

Look Back: 10 Minutes

1. Reviewthefourcomponentsoftouchpointsfromlessontwo.Whichonedidyouchoosetoworkon?Sharetheresultswithyourgroup.

2. Friendshiprequiresinitiationandresponse.Didyouseektoimprovethewayyouinitiateorrespondtofriendsthisweek?Ifso,how?Ifnot,brainstormafeweasywaystobeabetterinitiatorandabetterresponder(ex.Haveastandingdateonthecalendar).

3. Ifyouhaveunhealthy,unsafefriendsinyourlife,didyouprayerfullyconsiderhowGodwantsyoutohandlethesefriends?DidyoudowhatGodtoldyoutodo?(Note:it’seasytodowhatourfeelingsdictate,orwhatourfriendsdirect,butonlyGodknowsyou,yourcircumstances,andyourfriend(s).)Discuss.

Look Ahead: 50 Minutes

Howcanyouhavehealthyfriendships?

Theanswermaybelesscomplicatedthanyouthink.Infact,it’sprettysimple.

Behealthy.

Becausehealthypeoplehavehealthyfriendships.

Therearenumerousbenefitstoemotional,relationalandspiritualhealth:Healthypeoplespotunhealthywaysofrelatingthatunhealthypeopleoftenmiss.Thismeanshealthypeoplehavetheabilitytostopunhealthyfriendshiptendenciesbeforetheybecomehabits,oravoidunhealthyfriendshipsaltogether.

Healthypeoplealsohavetheabilitytodiscernrealisticexpectations,andlivewithhealthyboundaries.Healthypeopledon’texpectanunhealthygaltogivewhatshe’sincapableofgiving;healthypeopleunderstandthatsomeoftheirrelationshipswillbemoregiving,thanreceiving.Andthat’sok.

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Healthywomenknowsomefriendsareinourlivesformutualencouragement,someformentoring(whichisnotafunctionofage,butofemotional,relationaland/orspiritualmaturity),andsomefriendsgraceourlivesforamoment.HealthywomenknowGoduseseachofthesetypesoffriendships.Healthywomenknowwhichfriendfallsintowhichcategory.Picturethevarioustypesoffriendslikethis:

• MutualFriends:Equalgivingandreceiving• MentorFriends:Onefriendgivesmorethantheother• MomentaryFriends:Levelofgivingvaries,butlongevityisforaseason

1. Canyouidentifythesethreetypesoffriendsinyourlife?Discusshow

understandingthethreedifferenttypesoffriendshipscanhelpyouembracerealisticexpectationofyourfriends.

Friendshipsaren’tstagnant.Agalwhostartsoutbeingamentorfriendcanbecomeamutualfriend.Awomanwho’samutualfriendcangothroughadifficultseasonandneedyoutobemoreofamentoringfriend,orviseversa.Healthywomengetallthis.Theylivethis.Therefore,healthywomenhavethecapacitytogenuinelyloveotherwomenforwhotheyare,justastheyare.Whichbringsmebacktoouroriginalquestion:howcanyouhavehealthyfriendships?Answer:Beahealthyfriend.Isthereadifferencebetweenhowahealthypersonrelatestoherfriends,andhowanunhealthypersonrelates?Aretheretale-tellsigns?Theresureare!

2. Considerthetop25signsofanunhealthyfriendship,listedbelow.Readthelistcarefully,andmarkanythatapplytoyourcurrentfriendships--eitheronyourend,ortheotherperson’send,orboth.(Note:pleasedon’tgetdiscouragedifyoumarkmorethanafew.You’vecometothisBiblestudytolearnhowtogethealthyfriendships.Go,you!)

1. Compares/Competes2. Jealous/Envious3. Gossip4. Possessive5. Unrealisticorunexpressedexpectations6. OverlyNeedy/insecure/fearful7. DramaQueen

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8. Badinfluence9. Negative/critical/judgmental10. Flaky/unreliable11. Self-absorbed12. Manipulative13. Inflexible/Domineering14. Clingy15. Selfish16. Disloyal/fake17. Inconsiderate18. Overly-sensitive19. Inappropriateboundaries20. Triestoohardtoimpress/nevervulnerable21. Indifferent/uncaring22. Argumentative23. Dishonestorwithholdsthetruth24. Hurtful/unkind25. Holdsgrudges/unforgiving26. Other:______________________________________________

3. Whichoftheaboveunhealthyfriendshiphabitsdoyoustrugglewithmost?

Congratulations!We’vejusttakenthefirststeptowardhavinghealthyfriendships--identifyingfriendshipbehaviorsthatarenothealthy.Nowthatwe’veidentifiedtheproblem(s),let’sexplorethesolution.Beinganemotionally,relationally,andspirituallyhealthypersonhappenswhenwe:

1. Canidentifyunhealthywaysofrelating2. Canidentifyhealthywaysofrelating3. Stoprelatinginunhealthyways4. Startrelatinginhealthyways

Seemsprettysimple,doesn’tit?Let’sconsiderareallifeexample:Ifwethinkgossipisnobigdeal(orwedon’tcorrectlyassessourgossip,asgossip),we’llcontinuetogossip,andeventuallydamageafriendship,orloseitaltogether.Ontheotherhand,ifweidentifygossipasdestructive,andchoosetokeepourmouthshut(cananyonesay“emotionalmaturity”?),wesaveourselves--andourfriends--heartacheandhurt.

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Ifweknowwhat’shealthy,andwedowhat’shealthy,wehavetheprescriptiontogethealthy.Andbehealthy.Andstayhealthy.TheBibleprovidesoodlesofinsightabouthealthyrelationships.Didyouknowthereare59versesabouthowwearetotreat“oneanother”?(Don’tworry.Ididn’tknowtherewerethatmany,either.)We’regoingtoexplorejustafew,andmakethempersonal.Whytakethetimetopersonalizethescriptures?Becausebeinghealthymeansweknowtherightthingtodo,andthen…We.Do.It.

3.Lookupeachpassageandfillintheblanksthatfollow.

a. 1Peter1:22_________________oneanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits,whichbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI______________________,Iamnot________________myfrienddeeply,fromtheheart,whichisunhealthy.ButwhenI_________________________Iamlovingmyfrienddeeply,whichishealthy.(Example:WhenIampossessive,Iamnotlovingmyfrienddeeply,butwhenIfreelyencouragemyfriendtohaveotherfriends,Iamlovingherdeeply)

b. 1Thessalonians5:11_____________________oneanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfrom

obeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI_____________________________,Iamnot__________________________myfriend,andthatisunhealthy.ButwhenI_____________________________Iam____________________________myfriend,andthatishealthy.

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c. Ephesians4:32___________________________________________________oneanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI_______________________,Iamnot___________________________myfriend,andthatisn’thealthy.ButwhenI_________________________Iam____________________________myfriend,andthatishealthy.

d. James4:11Donot________________________oneanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI______________________,Iam_____________________myfriend,whichisunhealthy.ButwhenI_______________________Iam_______________________myfriend,andthatishealthy.

e. Galatians5:26Donotbe________________________________towardoneanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI______________________,Iambeing__________________________towardmyfriend,whichisunhealthy.ButwhenIam_____________________________towardmyfriendthatishealthy.

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f. Romans14:13Donot_______________________________________ononeanother

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI______________________,Iam_____________________myfriend,whichisunhealthy.ButwhenI_______________________Iam_______________________myfriend,whichishealthy.

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

g. Phil2:3-4_____________________________________oneanotheraboveyourselves

(note:someversionssay“others”ratherthan“oneanother”)

• Considerthelistofunhealthyhabits;whatbehaviorspreventusfromobeyingthiscommand?

• Personalizethecommandbyfillingintheblank:WhenI______________________,Iam_____________________myfriend,whichisunhealthy.ButwhenI_______________________Iam_______________________myfriend,whichishealthy.

5. Whichoftheabovescripturesresonatesmostwithyou?Why?

6. Afterstudyingthe“oneanother”verses,whatchangeswillyoumaketobeahealthier,morelovingfriend?Discuss.

Haveyoueverconsideredwhypeople(includingyouandme)relateinunhealthywaysinfriendship?

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Essentially,unhealthypatternsofbehaviorstemsfromoneofthefollowing:

• Insecurity• Discontentment• Pride• Fear• Habit• Ignorance• Sin

7. Howhaveyouseentheseunderlyingissuescauseunhealthybehaviorin

friendship?Haveyouseenthemaffectthewayyourelatewithyourfriends?

Noneofusisperfectinthewaywereact,respond,orrelatetoourfriends.Everyoneofushasroomforimprovement.Butifyounoticeapatternofrelating,it’sworthtakingthetimetofigureouttherootcause.Forinstance,ifyousensepeoplethinkyou’retooneedy,itwillbehelpfultoaddresstheinsecuritydrivingtheneed.Or,ifyoumakefriends,butcan’tkeepthem,anddon’tknowwhy,perhapsyouhaveablindspotalittleknowledgecanfix.Maybeyoustrugglewithcomparison,jealousyorenvy,inwhichcaseovercominginsecurityand/ordiscontentmentisyourtickettoemotionalandrelationalhealth.Orperhapsyouhavefrequentconflictswithfriends,andpridecouldbethereasonwhy.We’lltalkaboutallofthismorenextweek,butfornow,juststarttolivesensitivetopotentialpatternsofunhealthybehavior,andthefeelingsassociatedwithit.

8. Let’sendthisweek’slessononapositivenote--becauseafterall,friendshipisoneofGod’sbestgiftstous!Makealistofhealthy,loving,positivequalitiesofagoodfriend.Writethemdownbelow.

a. Didyoumakealist?Good.Now,circleeveryqualityyoucurrentlypossessasafriend.

b. Pickoneyoudidn’tcircle,anddecidehowyou’llseektobeabetterfriendthisweek.

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Life Application: 1.Thisweek’slessonfocusedontheprescriptionforhealthyfriendships:Gethealthyourselves.Beinganemotionally,relationally,andspirituallyhealthypersonhappenswhenwe:

1. Canidentifyunhealthywaysofrelating2. Canidentifyhealthywaysofrelating3. Stoprelatinginunhealthyways4. Startrelatinginhealthyways

Usethespacebelowtoprocesswhatitmeanstobeahealthyfriend,alittlemorepersonally.Canyouidentifyanyunhealthywaysyourelate?Howwillyoustartrelatinginahealthierway?Youmaywanttouseyouranswerstoquestion8asastartingpoint.Thinkitthrough,prayitthrough,andwriteitdown.

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Optional: Further Reading, Reflection and Bible Study

1. Readthroughthelistof“oneanother”scriptures.Pickafewtolookupandreadincontext.

Loveoneanother:John13:34-35;15:12,17;Romans12:10;13:8;14:13;1Thes3:12;4:9;2Thes1:3;1Peter1:22;1John3:11,3:22;4:8;23;4:7,11-12;2John1:5Serveoneanother:Galatians5:13;21;Philippians2:3;1Peter4:9;5:5Acceptoneanother:Romans15:7,14Strengthenoneanother:Romans14:19Helponeanother:Hebrews3:13;10:24Encourageoneanother:Rom14:19;15:14;Col3:16;1Thes5:11;Hebrews3:13;10:24-25Careforoneanother:Galatians6:2Forgiveoneanother:Ephesians4:32;Colossians3:13Submittooneanother:Ephesians5:21;1Peter5:5Committooneanother:1John3:16Buildtrustwithoneanother:1John1:7Bedevotedtooneanother:Romans12:10Bepatientwithoneanother:Ephesians4:2;Colossians3:13Beinterestedinoneanother:Philippians2:4Beaccountabletooneanother:Ephesians5:21Confesstooneanother:James5:16Liveinharmonywithoneanother:Romans12:16Donotbeconceitedtowardoneanother:Romans13:8Donotpassjudgmentononeanother:Romans14:13;15:7Donotslanderoneanother:James4:11Instructoneanother:Romans16:16Greetoneanother:Romans16:16;1Corinthians1:10;2Corinthians13:12Admonishoneanother:Romans5:14;Colossians3:16Spuroneanotherontowardloveandgooddeeds:Hebrews10:24Meetwithoneanother:Hebrews10:25Agreewithoneanother:1Corinthians16:20Beconcernedforoneanother:Hebrews10:24Behumbletowardoneanotherinlove:Ephesians4:2Becompassionatetowardoneanother:Ephesians4:32Donotbeconsumedbyoneanother:Galatians5:14-15Donotangeroneanother:Galatians5:26Donotlietooneanother:Colossians3:9Donotgrumbletowardoneanother:James5:9Givepreferencetooneanother:Romans12:10Beatpeacewithoneanother:Romans12:18Singtooneanother:Ephesians5:19Beofthesamemindtooneanother:Romans12:16;15:5Comfortoneanother:1Thessalonians4:18;5:11Bekindtooneanother:Ephesians4:32Liveinpeacewithoneanother:1Thessalonians5:13Carryoneanother'sburdens:Galatians6:2

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