get ready to change make it about yes! it’s not about willpower: make it a habit scarsdale library...

GET READY TO CHANGE MAKE IT ABOUT YES!

It’s Not About Willpower: Make It a Habit

Scarsdale LibraryJan 9, 2015

Presented by: Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman

www.drbaruchfeldman.com

©) Caren Baruch-Feldman DrBaruchfeldman.com

A Little Bit About Me

Before After


Goals for Today1. Review the latest research in goal

setting, habit building and willpower (based on 5 books).

2. Help you to develop your own positive, new habits.

3. Share with the latest tools so that you can maintain these new habits.


Five Books Serve as Inspiration


The BAD News

1. Our brains are lazy. 2. Stress makes us more susceptible to fall into bad

habits. 3. Willpower can be a limited resource. 4. Unfortunately, glucose which releases dopamine, can hijack

the brain and has been found to refuel willpower (ugh).5. We are of two minds. Unfortunately, the short-term,

emotional brain often wins out against the long-term, rational brain.


GOOD News1. You can build those willpower muscles.2. Pick gateway habits (write it down, meditation,

and exercise). These types of habits build resistance muscles and self-control.

3. Since willpower is limited – need to establish a habit so willpower is not being used. Make it automatic.

4. Beliefs/mindset can make us more rational and long-term thinkers as opposed to short term thinkers.


What the Research Tells Us In Terms of Changing A Habit

• Make it from a place of YES! • Know your triggers. Don’t think can outsmart old habits.

Instead try to avoid them.• Make it easy to be good and hard to be bad.• Give yourself credit. • Change one habit at a time. • Wait 10 minutes.• Practice meditation • Get social support and make it public. • Is this your habit? Better to be internally driven.


What the Research Tells Us In Terms of Changing A Habit

• Catch some good habits.• It takes time to change a habit. Remember, the

beginning is the hardest. • Mental Contrasting (Oettingen) and the power

of if-then plan (Gollwitzer). • Pre-commit. Makes it difficult to reverse your

preferences. Makes it automatic.• Change your outlook/thinking. Develop a new

belief. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman

DrBaruchfeldman.com

Changing a Habit is Not Enough: Need to Change the Belief

• Stand firm. No wavering.• Remind yourself of the

whole story, not just the beginning.

• Stay away from- “what the heck” phenomena.

• Stay away from thinking your are doing “good”.

• “Your future self, is no better than your current self.”

• Seek to be consistent.


It’s All About the “BRAIN!”

• What are your sabotaging beliefs?

• What beliefs inspire you to meet your long- term goals?

• Stand firm.• Remind yourself of the whole

story, not just the beginning.• Stay away from - “what the

heck” phenomena.• Stay away from - thinking

your are doing “good”. • “Your future self, is no better

than your current self.” • I will avoid, rather than think

I have the willpower to overcome.


Response Cards• A response card is a tool

that helps you change your mindset and overcome sabotaging thoughts.

• Read the card everyday and when you are struggling with a craving, temptation, or sabotaging thought.

• By reading everyday you make this into a habit.

• Make your own Response Cards.

Example of a Response Card: My Advantage

Card•I’ll look better.•I’ll be able to wear a smaller size.•I’ll be in better health. •I’ll feel better physically. •I’ll feel more in control.


Let’s Put Our Ideas Into Practice: “Change that Habit” Form

BAD HABIT1. Write down one bad habit

that you would like to work on.

2. What is the cue, routine, and reward for this bad habit?

3. What is the sabotaging belief?

NEW, POSITIVE HABIT1. Write down one new

habit that you would like to work on.

2. What Is the cue, routine, and reward for the new habit?

3. What is the new, rational belief?


Bad Habit/Good Habit1. Bad Habit to Change? Getting

frustrated with my son when he loses his jacket.

2. What is the Cue, Routine, and Reward of this Old Habit?Cue = Son loses his jacket.Routine = I get frustrated that he has lost another Northface coat. Reward = Get it off my chest and feel better as I’m yelling.

3. Sabotaging Belief? He shouldn’t lose his jacket and that it is terrible.

New Habit? Staying calm when my son loses another Northface jacket.

2. What is the Cue, Routine, and Reward for the New Habit? Cue = Son loses his jacket. Routine = Stay calm and see if we can brainstorm to find it. Reward = Better relationship with my son. Good role model for dealing with frustration.

3. New, Rational belief? My relationship with my son is more important than being right. Yelling is not the best way to make my point.


Example of Bad Habit/Good HabitBAD HABIT1. Bad habit to change? Eating

cookies after 9pm.2. What Is the cue, routine, and

reward of this old habit?Cue = feeling entitled/craving. Routine = go into the kitchen for just 1 cookie, but eat many more. Reward = dopamine rush and pleasure from taste of cookie.

3. What is your sabotaging thought(s)? I am entitled. I have been so good. The cookies are so GOOD!!!

NEW, POSITIVE HABIT1. What is the new habit ? Staying

out of the kitchen after 9 pm.2. What is the cue, routine, and

reward for the new habit? Cue = feeling entitled/cravingRoutine = go into bedroom and drink decaf coffee. Reward = continue to fit into my size 4 pants.

3. What is your new belief? “Nothing taste as good as thin feels”. I need to remember the whole story. Stand firm.


Mental Contrasting and If-Then Plan

WOOP, Mental Contrasting by Oettingen

• W = Wish (define your wish/goal)

• O = Outcome (imagine the best possible outcome)

• O = Obstacle (what holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome)

• P = Plan (create an If-Then plan for the obstacle)

MY WOOP • W = Lose 5 pounds. • O = If I lost 5 pounds, clothes

would fit easily, feet would feel better, be happy with myself in pictures.

• O = eating after 9PM carbohydrates.

• P = If I want to go into the kitchen then I will go to my bedroom. If I want to eat a carb then I will drink tea.


Mental Contrasting and If-Then Plan

WOOP, Mental Contrasting by Oettingen

• W = Wish (define your wish/goal)

• O = Outcome (imagine the best possible outcome)

• O = Obstacle (what holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome)

• P = Plan (create an If-Then plan for the obstacle)

MY WOOP • W = To be worry free. • O = I would be less stressed,

happier, and free.• O = I want certainty. The

uncertainty of everyday life. • P = If I want to have total

certainty then I will tell myself that it is ok to be uncertain and to have everything unfold.


1st Response Card: “Advantage Card”

My Advantage Card for Watching My WeightI’ll look better.I’ll be able to wear a smaller size.I’ll be in better health. I’ll feel better physically. I’ll feel more in control.


“It’s Not Ok” Response Card

It’s not ok to go in the kitchen after 9pm. It’s not ok to eat crumbs. Every time I do so I wind up eating more or something that I am not supposed to. I also feel bad afterwards. Even though it does taste good for a few minutes, it is not worth it.It’s not ok to be nasty with my son. I wouldn’t want anyone to talk to me that way even if the other person was right.


Be Accepting:“Oh Well”

• Saying, “oh well” means I don’t like it this, but I’ll accept this and move on.

• True acceptance allows us to relinquish the struggle and allows us to have the energy to focus on what we can control rather than on what we can’t control.

I really feel hungry. Oh well. This is too hard and not fair. Oh well. I wish I could eat what I wanted all the time. Oh well. My son keeps losing his Northface Oh well.


“Get Back on Track” Response Card

Okay I shouldn’t have eaten that… I made a mistake… This one mistake is certainly not going to make me gain weight this week. It’s a million times better to stop now than to allow myself to eat more. I deserve credit for stopping.


What I Did Personally to Lose 25 Pounds and Keep It Off

• Make It a Habit.• Keep My Sugar Level Stable.• Avoid My Triggers. • Write It Down.• Make It Public.• Change My Beliefs to Be a Long Term Hedonist by

Remembering the Advantages of Being Thin, Continually Fighting my Sabotaging Thoughts, and When I Fail Forgiving Myself and Going Right Back on Track (and on the scale).


Summary• Be proactive, mindful, and avoid triggers.• Make it about YES! Give yourself credit. Don’t put yourself

down. • Develop beliefs that will inspire you. • Be mindful and reflective, focusing on the long term goals as

opposed to the immediate rewards. Come Back on March 6th on the topic "Got Grit, Got Growth,

Got Marshmallows? Increasing Self-Control and Resilience in Our Lives and the Lives of Our Children“.

Come back again on May 1st "Helping Decrease Stress and Worry – In Our Children and Our Own Lives."


get ready to change make it about yes! it’s not about willpower: make it a habit scarsdale library...

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