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1) Good listeners consider a person's statements in relation to their presuppositions

(as much as possible). They are willing to ask the question "how does this make

sense to them?" and genuinely seek an answer to that question in evaluating

another person's opinion.

2) Good listeners are not hasty in making judgments. They are willing to think

about something for a while. They don't have to categorize everyone and

everything immediately. "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person

be quickto hear, slowto speak, slowto anger" (James 1:19).

3) Good listeners pay careful attention to words. They don't assume that an idea

they are hearing is identical to an idea they are already familiar with simply

because it has similarities. They respect the complexity of reality and are willing

to make fine distinctions and treat each person, each statement, each ideaon its

own terms.

4) Good listeners ask questions. Not to embarrass or attack, but to clarify and

distill.

5) Good listeners are not lazy. They work hard to understand. They exert energy

in listening. For example, other people can usually tell that they are listening from

their body posture and nonverbal communication.

6) Good listeners don't feel threatened by not controlling the conversation. They

are comfortable with silence. They give the speaker unthreatened, unhurriedspace in which to operate while communicating.

7) Good listeners understand that everyone has different communication styles,

and adjust their listening to correspond to the speaker's communication style. For

example, if the speaker is shy, they draw the person out more. If they are

talkative, they interject more. Etc. They don't take a "once size fits all" approach

to listening.

8) Good listeners interrupt intentionally and gently, rather than habitually and

rashly.

9) Good listeners recall their own subjectivity and finitude as a listener. They

make evaluations with the humility that corresponds to seeing parts, not the

whole. They consider the angle and point of view from which they are listening.

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10) Good listeners are willing to listen to something even if its hard to hear. They

don't stop listening as soon as they become offended or turned off by the

speaker. They can receive a rebuke.

Proverbs 12:15

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listensto advice.

Proverbs 15:32

Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listensto reproof gains

intelligence.

Proverbs 13:1

A wise son hears his fathers instruction, but a scoffer does not listento rebuke.

11) Good listeners do not unreasonably question the motives of the speaker.They make a good faith assumption that, all other factors being equal, the

speaker is trying to communicate clearly and truthfully.

12) Good listeners don't equate listening with agreeing. Good listeners

understand that careful listening equips you to disagree well, because by

listening you understand more clearly what it is that you disagree with.

13) Good listeners are not simply waiting to talk again when someone else is

speaking. They actually valuethe contributions of other people.

14) Good listeners remember that you can learn from anyone. They realize

that human subjectivity and fallenness is such that the most learned

person can still learn from a little child.

15) Good listeners love people. They understand that listening is connected to

every other aspect of relationships. The understand that there is simply no

substitute for genuine affection for other people.

"The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full

of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere" (James 3:17).

16) Good listeners pay attention to nonverbal communication without discounting

verbal communication. They pay attention to the fact that they are paying

attention to both nonverbal communication and verbal communication.

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17) Good listeners are willing to speak. They don't equate listening with silence.

They understand that the speaker may need them to communicate in order to

further the conversation.

18) Good listeners understand that every act of communication takes place in a

context or setting. They consider the way the context of a communication event

shapes the meaning. For example, they understand social dynamics and the way

different situations call for different kinds of listening.

19) Good listeners are willing to stop listening to something that is perverse,

wicked, or dangerously foolish. They understand that in a fallen world there are

some things that are so evil or foolish that they should not even be listenedto.

They know when to draw the line. They use common sense.

20) Good listeners understand how important listening is to a relationship. Theydon't assume or underestimate the value of listening; they value and seek to

cultivate good listening skills

One: Be attentive and avoid distractions

Two: Think, revise and stay interested

Three: Make notes

Four: Paraphrase what the speaker says

Five: Do not assume

nothing can be a bigger sin for a listener than to assume. We assume ideas, thoughts, and

sometimes-even facts and figures. We try to be correct all the time and that blocks learning and the

influx of new ideas. Avoid jumping to conclusions and anticipate what a person is trying to say.

Imagine yourself in the speaker's situation and then form a frame of mind. It shows that you welcome

what the speaker has to say.