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Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 11, June 11, 1870

Various

Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 11, June 11, 1870, by Various#2 in our series by Various

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/elco)e (o (he /orl$ o ree Plain Vanilla lectronic (ets

e%oo&s 3ea$able %y %oth 4u)ans an$ %y o)!uters, 5ince 1671

(hese e%oo&s /ere Pre!are$ %y (housan$s o Volunteers

(itle Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 11, June 11, 1870

9uthor Various

3elease *ate *ece)ber, 200: ;%oo& #6:ctober 7, 200?=

$ition 10

@anguage nglish

haracter set enco$ing 95

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to !resere the !a!er or bin$ing, "ill be sent, !ostC!ai$,on recei!t o >ne *ollar, by

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(he /ee&ly Nu)bers or Day,

%oun$ in a 4an$so)e oer,

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(hese Pens are o a iner Fuality, )ore $urable, an$ chea!er than any otherPen in the )ar&et. 5!ecial attention is calle$ to the ollo"ing gra$es, asbeing better suite$ or business !ur!oses than any Pen )anuacture$. (he

+:>:,+ +22,+ an$ the +9ntiCorrosie,+

"e reco))en$ or %an& an$ >ice use.

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5ole 9gents or Anite$ 5tates.

;5i$enote 5ee 1:th !age or tra Pre)iu)s.=

;llustration Vol. No. 11.=

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59(A3*9-, JAN 11, 1870.

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(he )ost eectie 5oothing an$ 5ti)ulating o)!oun$seer oere$ to the !ublic or the

3e)oal o 5car, *an$ru, Ec.

or consultation, a!!ly at

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Danuacturers o

3ich an$ Plain urniture

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Nos. 66 an$ 101 ourth 9enue,

or)erly

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26 @iberty 5treet, Ne" -or&,

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IDa$e in the Anite$ 5tates.I

9ll siKes an$ styles. Prices ery )o$erate. 5a)!les sentto any res!onsible house. 9lso i)!orters o the

+A5%>5+ %39N*,

Fual in Fuality to the best o the 4aana )ar&et, an$,ro) ten to t"enty !er cent chea!er.

I3estaurant, %ar, 4otel, an$ 5aloon tra$e "ill sae )oneyby calling atI

No. 26 @%3(- 5(3(.

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oot o ha)bers 5treet

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(hrough !ress (rains leae ha)bers 5treet at 8 9.D., 10 9.D., :?0 P.D.,an$ 700 P.D., $ailyHL leae 2?$ 5treet at 7/N 9N* /9-, at ??0 P.D.,("entyCthir$ 5treet, ?1: P.D.HL an$,5un$ays only, 8?0 9.D. ("entyCthir$ 5treet, 81: P.D.H

>3 G3->A3( 9N* /9-, at 8?0 9.D., ("entyCthir$ 5treet, 81: 9.D.H

>3 N/%A3G4 9N* /9-, at 800 9.D., ??0 an$

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>3 P9(35>N 9N* /9-, ro) ("entyCthir$ 5treet *e!ot, at M3B.

(his is no" the largest irculating @ibrary in 9)erica, the nu)ber oolu)es on its sheles being 11

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%39N4 >5

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(his great co)bination )achine is the last an$ greatest i)!roe)ent onall the or)er )achines, )a&ing, in a$$ition to all "or& $one on best@oc&C5titch )achines, beautiul

%A((>N 9N* -@( 4>@5,

in all abrics.

Dachine, "ith inely inishe$

>@* /9@NA( (9%@ 9N* >V3

co)!lete, 7:. 5a)e )achine, "ithout the buttonhole !arts,:0. (his lastis beyon$ all Fuestion the si)!lest, easiest to )anage an$ to &ee! inor$er, o any )achine in the )ar&et. Dachines "arrante$, an$ ullinstruction gien to !urchasers.

;llustration 4N3- 5P93. P3N(3C@(4>G39P43 5(9(>N3%@9NB %>>B D9NA9(A33. 82 /9@@ 5(. N/ ->3B.=

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the sa)e "ill be or"ar$e$, !ostage !ai$.

Parties $esiring atalogues o any o our Publishing 4ousescan hae the sa)e or"ar$e$ by inclosing t"o sta)!s.

> >

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;(he 9)erican Press's -oung Gentle)en, "hen ta&ing their sha$y literary"al&s a)ong the olu)ns o nteresting Datter, hae been &no"n tore)ar&CC"ith a glibness an$ grace, by Joe, greatly in ecess o theirsalariesCCthat the reason "hy "e $on't !ro$uce great "or&s oi)agination in this country, as they $o in other countries, is because"e haen't the genius, you &no". (hey thin&CC$o theyCCthat thebranCne" localities, !ostCoice a$$resses, an$ oicial titles,characteristic o the Anite$ 5tates o 9)erica, are rie "ith all thegran$ ol$ tra$itional suggestions so useul in hel!ing along the

ro)antic interest o iction. (hey thin&CC$o theyCCthat i an 9)erican"riter coul$ "rite a Noel in the eact style o >@@N5, or (3>@@>P,or *BN5 only laying its scenes an$ haing its characters in thiscountryL the "or& "oul$ be as ro)antically eectie as one by >@@N5,or (3>@@>P, or *BN5L an$ that the !ossibly necessary inci$ental)ention o such natie !laces as 5cher)erhorn 5treet, *obb's erry, orhicago, I"oul$n'tI $isturb the nicest $ra)atic illusion o thei)aginatie tale. Very "ell, then 9ll right Just loo& hereCC> 9.P's-oung Gentle)en, just loo& hereCC=

49P(3 .

*9/N9(>N.

9 )o$ern 9)erican 3itualistic 5!ire 4o" can the )o$ern 9)erican3itualistic 5!ire be here (he "ellC&no"n ta!ering bro"n 5!ire, li&e aclose$ u)brella on en$ 4o" can that be here (here is no rusty ri) o ashoc&ing ba$ hat bet"een the eye an$ that 5!ire in the real !ros!ect./hat is the rusty ri) that no" interenes, an$ conuses the ision o at

least one eye t )ust be an intoicate$ hat that "ants to see, too. tis so, or ritualistic choirs stri&e u!, acolytes s"ing censers$is!ensing the heay o$or o !unch, an$ the ritualistic rector an$ hisgau$ily robe$ assistants in alb, chasuble, )ani!le an$ tunicle, intone a

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INu Vo)icaI in gorgeous !rocession. (hen co)e t"enty young clergy)en instoles an$ birettas, running ater t"enty )arriageable young la$ies othe congregation "ho hae sent the) "or&e$ sli!!ers. (hen ollo" tenthousan$ blac& )on&ies s"ar)ing all oer eerybo$y an$ u! an$ $o"neerything, chattering li&e ien$s. 5till the 3itualistic 5!ire &ee!sturning u! in i)!ossible !laces, an$ still the interening rusty ri) oa hat ine!licably clou$s one eye. (here $a"ns a sensation as o

"rithing gri) igures o sna&es in one's boots, an$ the intereningrusty ri) o the hat that "as not in the original !ros!ect ta&es asna&eCli&eCC%ut stay s this the ri) o )y o"n hat tu)ble$ all a"ry ')ushbe 9 e" relectie )o)ents, not unreliee$ by hiccu!s, )ush be$'ote$ to co'shi$erC39(>N o th' !osh'bil'ty.

No$$ing ecessiely to hi)sel "ith uns!ea&able graity, the gentle)an"hose $ilute$ )in$ has thus !laye$ the *ic&ens "ith hi), slo"ly arisesto an u!right !osition by a series o co)!licate$ )anoeures "ith bothhan$s an$ eetL an$, haing careully balance$ hi)sel on one leg, an$sha&ing his aggressie ol$ hat still arther $o"n oer his let eye,!rocee$s to ta&e a clou$y ie" o his surroun$ings. 4e is in a roo)

going on one si$e to a bar, an$ on the other si$e to a !air o glass$oors an$ a "in$o", through the bro&en !anes o "hich arious )ustycloth substitutes or glass ejaculate to"ar$ the outer Dulberry 5treet.(ilte$ bac& in chairs against the "all, in arious attitu$es o$islocation o the s!ine an$ co)!oun$ racture o the nec&, are an9l$er)an o the "ar$, an 9ssistantC9ssessor, an$ the la$y "ho &ee!s thehotel. (he irst t"o are sha!eless "ith a slu)ber $eying eery la" oco)ortable anato)yL the last is $rea)ily atte)!ting to light a stu)!y!i!e "ith the "rong en$ o a )atch, an$ she$$ing tears, in the $i))orning ghastliness, at her re!eate$ ailures.

+(hry another,+ says this "o)an, rather thic&ly, to the gentle)an

balance$ on one leg, "ho is gaKing at her an$ "in&ing ery )uch. +4aeanother, "i$ so)e bitters.+

4e straightens hi)sel etre)ely, to an i))inent !eril o alling oerbac&"ar$, s"ays slightly to an$ ro, an$ beco)es as seere in e!ressiono countenance as his one uncoere$ eye "ill allo".

(he "o)an alls bac& in her chair again aslee!, an$ he, "al&ing "ith oneshoul$er $e!resse$, an$ a s!ecies o si$e"ise, running gait, a!!roachesan$ !oises hi)sel oer her.

+/hat ision can IsheI hae+ the )an )uses, "ith his hat no" ully u!on

the bri$ge o his nose. 4e s)iles une!ecte$lyL as su$$enly ro"ns "ithgreat intensityL an$ inoluntarily "al&s bac&"ar$ against the slee!ing9l$er)an. 4i) he abstracte$ly sits $o"n u!on, an$ then listens intentlyor any casual re)ar& he )ay )a&e. %ut one "or$ co)esCC+/airKernat'chal'Kationc'ti'&its.+

+Anintelligent+ )utters the )an, "earie$lyL an$, rising $ejecte$ly ro)the 9l$er)an, lurches, "ith a crash, u!on the 9ssistantC9ssessor. 4i) hesha&es iercely or being so bony to all on, an$ then hear&ens or asuitable a!ology.

+/arK"aKCyour"iesinco)eClash'CClash'Cyear+

9 thoughtul !ause, !arta&ing o a $oKe.

+Anintelligent+

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o)!licate$ly arising ro) the 9ssessor, "ith his hat no" al)ost hangingby an ear, the gentle)an, ater arious utile but ingenious eorts toace to"ar$s the $oor by turning his hea$ alone that "ay, inallysuccee$s by "al&ing in a circle until the $oor is beore hi). (hen, "ithhis "hole countenance charge$ "ith al)ost sco"ling intensity o !ur!ose,though in$ing it $iicult to &ee! his eyes ery ar o!en, he balances

hi)sel "ith the ut)ost care, thro"s his shoul$ers bac&, ste!s out$aringly, an$ goes o at an acute slant to"ar$ the 9l$er)an again.3ecoering hi)sel by a tre)en$ous eort o "ill an$ a e" "il$bac&"ar$ )oe)ents, he ste!s out jauntily once )ore, an$ can not sto!hi)sel until he has gone t"ice aroun$ a chair on his etre)e let an$reache$ al)ost eactly the !oint ro) "hich he starte$ the irst ti)e.4e !auses, !anting, but "ith the sco"l o $eter)ination still )oreintense, an$ concentrate$ chiely in his right eye. Very cautiouslyeten$ing his $eter han$, that he )ay not $estroy the nicety o his!er!en$icular balance, he !oints "ith a inger at the &nob o the $oor,an$ suers his stronger eye to asten ir)ly u!on the sa)e object. 9)o)ent's balancing, to )a&e sure, an$ then, in three irresistible,

rushing stri$es, he goes through the glass $oors "ith a burst, "ithoutsto!!ing to turn the latch, stri&es an ashCbo on the e$ge o thesi$e"al&, reboun$s to a la)!C!ost, an$ then, "ith the irresistible rushstill on hi), $escribes a hasty "ay line, )ar&e$ by irregularheelCstro&es, u! the street.

(hat sa)e aternoon, the )o$ern 9)erican 3itualistic 5!ire rises in$u!licate illusion beore the )ulti!lying ision o a traeller recentlyo the erryCboat, "ho, as though not satisie$ "ith the length o hisjourney, )a&es reFuent an$ une!ecte$ trials o its "i$th. (he bellsare ringing or es!er sericeL an$, haing airly )a$e the right $oorat last, ater re!eate$ly shooting !ast an$ alling short o it, he

reaches his !lace in the choir an$ !eror)s oluntaries an$inoluntaries u!on the organ, in a )anner not $istinguishable ro)al)ost any ashionable churchC)usic o the !erio$.

49P(3 .

9 *9N, 9N* 9 49P >3 (/> 9@5>.

/hosoeer has notice$ a !arty o those se$ate an$ Ger)anesFuely!hiloso!hical ani)als, the !igs, scra)bling !reci!itately un$er a gatero) out a cabbageC!atch to"ar$ nightall, )ay, !erha!s, hae obsere$,that, i))e$iately u!on e)erging ro) the sacre$ egetable !resere, acou!le o the )ore el$erly an$ $esigning o the) assu)e$ a su$$en air oabstracte$ )using, an$ re$uce$ their !rogress to a )ost $igniie$ an$leisurely "al&, as though to conince the hu)an behol$er that theirrecent !roi)ity to the cabbages ha$ been but the triial acci$ent o a)e$itatie stroll.

5i)ilarly, serice in the church being oer, an$ $iers !ersons o

!iggish sole)nity o as!ect $is!ersing, t"o o the latter $etachthe)seles ro) the rest an$ try an easy lounge aroun$ to"ar$ a si$e$oor o the buil$ing, as though "illing to be ta&en by the outer "orl$or a cou!le o uni)!eachable lo"Cchurch gentle)en "ho )erely ha!!ene$

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to be in that neighborhoo$ at that hour or an airing.

(he $ay an$ year are "aning, an$ the setting sun casts a ru$$y but not"ar)ing light u!on t"o igures un$er the arch o the si$e $oorL "hileone o these igures loc&s the $oor, the other, "ho see)s to hae a)usic boo& un$er his ar), co)es out, "ith a strange, scre"y )otion, asthough through an o!ening )uch too narro" or hi), an$, haing !oise$ a

)o)ent to nerously !ull so)e i)aginary object ro) his right boot an$hurl it )a$ly ro) hi), goes une!ecte$ly o "ith the !reci!itancy an$eFuilibriously concentric )anner o a gentle)an in his irst !riateessay on a tightCro!e.

+/as that Dr. %AD5(9*, 5D-(4+

+t "asn't anybo$y else, your 3eerence.+

+5ay 'his i$entity "ith the !erson )entione$ scarcely co)es "ithin thelegiti)ate $o)ain o $oubt,' 5D-(4CCto ather *ean, the younger o the!iggish !ersons sotly inter!oses,

+s Dr. %AD5(9* un"ell, 5D-(4+

+4e's got 'e) ba$ toCnight.+

+5ay 'inci!ient cerebral eusion )ar&s hi) es!ecially or its !rey atthis es!er hour.' 5D-(4CCto ather *9N,+ again sotly inter!oses Dr.5DP5>N, the Gos!eler.

+Dr. 5DP5>N,+ !ursues ather *9N, "hose na)e has been )o$iie$, byarious theological stages, ro) its original or) o Pau$ean, to Pere*9NCCather *9N, + regret to hear that Dr. %AD5(9* is so $elicate in

healthL you )ay sto! at his boar$ingChouse on your "ay ho)e, an$ as& hi)ho" he is, "ith )y co)!li)ents.+ IPa obiscu)I.

5hining so "ith a sense o his o"n benignity that the retiring sun giesu! all rialry at once an$ instantly sets in $es!air, ather *9N$e!arts to his $inner, an$ Dr. 5DP5>N, the Gos!eler, beta&es hi)selcheerily to the secon$CloorCbac& "here Dr. %AD5(9* lies. Dr. %AD5(9*is a sha$yCloo&ing )an o about si an$ t"enty, "ith blac& hair an$"his&ers o the "in$o"Cbrush school, an$ a ace re)in$ing you o the%>A3%>N5. 9s, although lighting his la)!, he has, abstracte$ly, al)ostcoere$ it "ith his hat, his roo) is but i)!erectly illu)inate$, an$you can just $etect the accor$eon on the "in$o"Csill, an$, aboe the

)antel, an uninishe$ s&etch o a schoolCgirl. (here is no artistic)erit in this !ictureL in "hich, in$ee$, a si)!le triangle on en$re!resents the "aist, another an$ slightly larger triangle the s&irts,an$ straightClines "ith ra&eCli&e ter)inations the ar)s an$ han$s.H

+alle$ to as& ho" you are, an$ oer ather *9N'5 co)!li)ents,+ saysthe Gos!eler.

+') allright, shir+ says Dr. %AD5(9*, rising ro) the rug "here hehas been te)!orarily re!osing, an$ $ro!!ing his u)brella. 4e s!ea&sal)ost "ith erocity.

+-ou are a"aiting your ne!he", */N *3>>*+

+-eshir.+ 9s he ans"ers, Dr. %AD5(9* leans langui$ly ar across thetable, an$ see)s aguely a)aKe$ at the as!ect o the la)! "ith his hat

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u!on it.

Dr. 5DP5>N retires sotly, sto!s to greet so)e one at the oot o thestairs, an$, in another )o)ent, a young )an ourteen years ol$ entersthe roo) "ith his car!etCbag.

+Dy $ear boys Dy $ear */N5+

(hus s!ea&ing, Dr. %AD5(9* si$les eagerly at the ne" co)er, "ith o!enar)s, an$, in alling u!on his nec&, $oes so too heaily, an$ bears hi)"ith a crash to the groun$.

+>h, see here this is !laye$ out, you &no",+ ejaculates the ne!he",al)ost suocate$ "ith traellingCsha"l an$ %AD5(9*.

Dr. %AD5(9* rises ro) hi) slo"ly an$ "ith $ignity.

+cuse )e, $ear */N, thought there "ere t"o o you.+

*/N *3>>* regains his eet "ith alacrity an$ casts asi$e his sha"l.

+/hateer you thought, uncle, a) still a single )an, although your "ayo co)ing $o"n on a cha! "as enough to )a&e )e besi$e )ysel. 9ny grub,J9B+

/ith a chec& u!on his enthusias) an$ a su$$en gloo) o e!ressiona)ounting al)ost to a sFuint, Dr. %AD5(9* )otions "ith his "hole rightsi$e to"ar$ an a$jacent roo) in "hich a table is s!rea$, an$ lea$s the"ay thither in a halCcircle.

+9h, this is !ri)e+ cries the young ello", rubbing his han$sL the

"hile he realiKes that Dr. %AD5(9*'5 sFuint is an atte)!t to inclu$eboth hi)sel an$ the !icture oer the )antel in the net roo) in oneincre$ibly co)!licate$ loo&.

Not )uch is sai$ $uring $inner, as the strength o the boar$ingChousebutter reFuires all the ne!he"'s energies or single co)bat "ith it, an$the uncle is so absorbe$ in a $rea)y eort to )a&e a sala$ "ith hishash an$ all the contents o the castor, that he can atten$ to nothingelse. 9t length the cloth is $ra"n, */N !ro$uces so)e !eanuts ro) his!oc&et an$ !asses so)e to Dr. %AD5(9*, an$ the latter, "ith a "et to"el!inne$ about his hea$, $rin&s a great $eal o "ater.

+(his is 5issy's birth$ay, you &no", J9B,+ says the ne!he", "ith asFuint through the $oor an$ aroun$ the corner o the a$joining a!art)entto"ar$ the cru$e !icture oer the )antel, +an$, i our res!ectieres!ecte$ !arents ha$n't boun$ us by "ill to )arry, '$ be )a$ aterher.+

rac&. >n */N *3>>*'5 !art.

4ic. >n Dr. %AD5(9*'5 !art.

+Nobo$y's $ictate$ a )arriage or you, J9B. I-ouI can choose oryoursel. @ie or IyouI is still raught "ith ree$o)'s intoicatingCC+

Dr. %AD5(9* has su$$enly beco)e ery !ale, an$ !ers!ires heaily on theorehea$.

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+Goo$ 4eaens, J9B haen't hurt your eelings+

Dr. %AD5(9* )a&es a eeble !ass at hi) "ith the "aterC$ecanter, an$s)iles in a ery ghastly )anner.

+@e) )e be a )is'able "arning to you, */N,+ says Dr. %AD5(9*,she$$ing tears.

(he scare$ ace o the younger recalls hi) to hi)sel, an$ he a$$s+*on't )in$ )e, )y $ear boys. t's cloesL you )ay notice the) on )ybreath. ta&e the) or ner'shness.+ 4ere he rises in a series otre)bles to his eet, an$ balances, still ery !ale, on one leg.

+-ou "ant cheering u!,+ says */N *3>>*, &in$ly.

+-eshCCcheering u!. @et's go an$ "al& in the graeyar$,+ says Dr.%AD5(9*.

+%y all )eans. -ou "on't )in$ )y sli!!ing out or hal a )inute to the

9l)s 4ouse to leae a e" gu)C$ro!s or 5issy 3ather s!oony, J9B.+

Dr. %AD5(9* al)ost loses his balance in an i)!ru$ent atte)!t to "in&archly, an$ says, +NorringChalCsh'Csh"eetC'nClie.+ 4e is ery thic&"ith */N *3>>*, or he loes hi).

+/ell, let's s&e$a$$le, then.+

Dr. %AD5(9* ery careully !oises hi)sel on both eet, !uts on his hatoer the "et to"el, gies a su$$en horriie$ glance $o"n"ar$ to"ar$ oneo his boots, an$ lea!s rantically oer an object.

+/hy, that "as only )y cane,+ says */N.

Dr. %AD5(9* breathes har$, an$ leans heaily on his ne!he" as they goout together.

I(o be ontinue$.IH

QJAD%@5Q

PAN4N@@> has hear$, o course, o the goo$ ti)e co)ing. t has notco)e yet. t "on't co)e till the stars sing together in the )orning,ater going ho)e, li&e estie young )en, early. t "on't co)e tillhicago has got its gro"th in !o!ulation, )orals an$ )inisters. t "on'tco)e till the "o)en are all angels, an$ )en are all honest an$ "iseL notuntil !oliticians an$ retailers learn to tell the truth. -ou )ay thin&the Dillenniu) a long "ay o. Perha!s so. %ut )ighty reolutions areso)eti)es "rought in a )ighty ast ti)e. Dany a ast )an has been &no"nto turn oer a ne" lea in a single night, an$ oreer ater"ar$s beslo". 5uch a thing is $rea$ul to conte)!late, but it has been. Dany a

ain "o)an has seen the olly o her "ays at a glance, an$ at once gonebac& on the). (his is InotI $rea$ul to conte)!late, since to go bac& onolly is to go on"ar$ in "is$o). (he e)ale se is not oten guilty othis eccentricity, but instances hae been &no"n. t is that "hich ills

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the !rou$ boso) o )an "ith ho!e an$ consolation, an$ )a&es hi) eelreally that "o)an is co)ingL "hich is all the )ore ei$ent since shebegan her +)oe)ent.+ (he goo$ ti)e co)ing is no"here $einitely na)e$in the al)anacs. (he goings an$ co)ings o the heaenly bo$ies, ro) thehu)ble star to the huge !lanet, are calculate$ "ith the acility o thecut o the ne"est ashionL an$ the reolutions o $ynasties can be ie$u!on "ith tolerable certaintyL but the !erio$ o the goo$ ti)e co)ing is

lost in the )ists o $oubt an$ the a!ors o uncertainty. t is erysure in e!ectancy, li&e the )a&ing o )atri)onial )atches. erybo$y isloo&ing or it, but nobo$y sees it. (he shar!est o eyes only $iscernthe bluest an$ gloo)iest objects. %ut PAN4N@@> )ay reasonably e!ectto see, eel an$ &no", this goo$ ti)e. (he co)ing "ill yet be to it theti)e co)e. Perha!s it "ill be "hen it isits t"o hun$re$ thousan$rea$ers "ee&ly, "hen )others sigh, chil$ren cry, an$ athers "ellCnigh$ie or it. 9t all eents, so)e"hen or otherCCit )ay be the or)er!erio$, but !ossibly the latterCCthe goo$ ti)e I"illI co)e. 9n$ great"ill be the co)ing thereo, "ith no $iscount to the biggest or richest)an out.

/hat a luury is 4o!e t s!rings eternal in the hu)an breast. 3ather ana"&"ar$ !lace or a s!ring, but as !oets &no" )ore than other !eo!le, no$oubt it is all right. 4o!e is an institution. /hat is the /hite 4ouse,or the a!itol at /ashington, to 4o!e /hat is the entral Par&, or%oston o))on, or the %ig >rgan, to 4o!e Not )uchCCnot anything, li&ethe )an's religion, to s!ea& o. 4o!e bears u! )any a )an, though it!ays no bills to the grocer, )illiner, tailor, or )ar&et )an. t is theertebra "hich stea$ies hi) !lu)b u! to a !ositie !er!en$icular. 9ho!eless )an or "o)anCCho" earul (hey ery soon beco)eroun$Cshoul$ere$, li)! an$ "ea&, an$ $rin& little but unsiKable sighs,an$ ee$ on all )anner o $ar& an$ unhealthy things. t is (>**'5$eliberate o!inion that i a cent can't be lai$ u!, 4o!e shoul$. 4o!e

"ith e)!ty !oc&ets is rich co)!are$ to "ealth "ith +nary a+ ho!e. 4o!eis a goo$ thing to hae about the house. t al"ays co)es han$y, an$ isacce!table een to co)!any. 5o beliees, an$ he acts on the aith, $oes

(D>(4- (>**.

Qa!itol Punish)ent.Q

9bolition o the ran&ing !riilege.

Q5B(4 > >3P4A5 . B33.Q

;llustration 35*N > (4 9*9P(3 %G9*'5 4@@, (BN>3'5 @*5,N/ J35-.=

t is no" nearly a t"elth o a century since the eracious 4istorian othe i)!erishable Dac&erel %riga$e irst )anoeure$ that inco)!arablystrategical )ilitary organiKation in !ublic, an$ cause$ it to illustrate

the ine art o "aging heroic "ar u!on a lieCinsurance !rinci!le.Fually reno"ne$ in ar)s or its eats an$ legs, an$ or being al"ays onhan$ "hen any !eculiarly $aring retrogra$e )oe)ent "as on oot, thisli)ber )artial bo$y continually ell bac& u!on ictory throughout the

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"ar, an$ has been co)ing or"ar$ "ith han$Corgans eer since. tsco)!lete 4istory, by the sa)e gentle)an "ho is no" a$a!ting the literarystruggles o D3. . *3>>* to 9)erican )in$s an$ )atters, "assubseFuently issue$ ro) the !ress o 93@(>N, in )ore or less olu)es,an$ at once attracte$ !rooun$ attention ro) the author's cre$itors.>ne great 9)erican journal sai$ o it +/e in$ the !a!er u!on "hichthis !ro$uction is !rinte$ o a )ost a)using Fuality.+ 9nother obsere$

+(he bin$ing o this te$ious )ilitary "or& is the )ost hu)orous "e eersa".+ 9 thir$ a$$e$ +n ty!ogra!hical $etails, the olu)es no" un$erconsi$eration are acetious beyon$ co)!are.+

;llustration (4 9*9P(3 95 4 9PP935 V3- 59(A3*9-.=

(he !resent resi$ence o the successul 4istorian is %ega$'s 4ill, Ne"Jersey, an$, i not eisting in 549B5P93'5 ti)e, it certainly loo&sol$ enough to hae been built at about that !erio$. ts architecture iso the noCca!ital orinthian or$erL there are )ortgages both ront an$bac&, an$ hot an$ col$ "ater at the nearest hotel. ro) the centralront "in$o", "hich belongs to the author's library, in "hich he &ee!s

his Patent >ice 3e!orts, there is a ine ie" o the to! o the !orchL"hile ro) the rear case)ents you get a gli)!se o blin$Cshutters "hich"on't o!en. t is re!orte$ o this ine ol$ !lace, that the !resent!ro!rietor "ishe$ to o"n it een "hen a chil$L neer $rea)ing the)ortgage$ halls "oul$ yet be his "ithout a ho!e o reCselling.

9lthough ully thirty years o age, the o"ner o %ega$'s 4ill Placestill "rites "ith a !enL an$, !erha!s, "ith a iner thoughtulness as tonot suusing his ingers "ith in& than in his )ore youthul )o)ents oco)!osition. 4e is soun$ an$ &in$ in both single an$ $ouble harnessL"oul$ un$oubte$ly be goo$ to the Pole i he coul$ get thereL an$,although liing )any )iles ro) the city, "al&s into his brea&ast eery

)orning in the year. @et us, ho"eer,

+No longer see& his irtues to $isclose, Nor $ra" his railties ro) their $rea$ abo$e.+

but a$ise PAN4N@@>'5 rea$ers to !eruse the +Dystery o Dr. .*3>>*,+ or urther gli)!ses o Dr. >3P4A5 . B33.

Q(he all o Dan at the allsQ.

t is a ery la)entable act that the )arrie$ !eo!le o Niagara hae notattaine$ een the $ignity an$ co)ort o insanity. 9 !aragra!h inor)sus that +(he Niagara hotels hae alrea$y ortyCseen )en trying to loo&as i )arrie$ or years, an$ "ho only succee$ in rese)bling i)beciles.+(o a Niagara tourist this )ust be an yeCaggraating s!ectacle. %ut,ortunately, none o this class o the *oubleC%lest "ill shoot anybo$y.(hey $on't loo& as i they ha$ been )arrie$ long (hey are i)becile, notinsane

QGreen an$ 3e$Q.

(he I5outhern ellI !ro!oses that the enians shall )a&e a ne" relan$o /inni!eg. ce!t on the !rinci!le o 4ibernating, PAN4N@@> cannot$iscoer "hy his rish ello"CcitiKens are a)bitious to "inter in the

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3e$ 3ier country. /oul$n't Greenlan$ $o as "ell, an$ "ear better

Q(9B 93 > (4 />AN**Q

(hough but one o the enian lea$ers "as &ille$ in the late rontier

iKKle, yet )any o the) are re!orte$ as being ba$ly "oun$e$CCas totheir eelings. General >'N@'5 eelings are $rea$ully hurt by theigno)iny o a constable an$ a cell, "hich "as a ba$ ell or a elt. (heeelings o General G@95>N an$ they )ust be )ultitu$inous, since he isnearly seen eet high,H "ere so ba$ly "oun$e$ by circu)stances oer"hich he $i$n't see) to hae any control, that he retire$ ro) the iel$+in $isgust.+ Dental alictions, in act, are so nu)erous a)ong theenians since their iKKle, as to suggest the a$isability o their4ea$Centre oun$ing a 4os!ital or /oun$e$ eelings "ith the sur!lus othe un$s "rung by hi) ro) si)!le, har$C"or&ing %3*G(.

Qnteresting to %athersQ

Persons "ho are $ro"ne$ "hile bathing in the sur are sai$ to e!eriencebut little !ain. n act, their 5uerings are short.

Qenian (acticsQ.

(he irst )oe)ent o the enians on reaching ana$ian soil "as to+thro" out their s&ir)ishers into a ho! iel$,+ "here the 4o!s gathere$

by the) "ere o the !reci!itate an$ retrogressie &in$ so)eti)es trace$to 5!anish origin.

Q(4 4>@- G39@ 9N* >(43 P>D5.Q

(his is one o the other Poe)s.H

%- 9 49@C3* *NN > (4 /5(.

53 P@@95, lor$ o )any a barren isle, >n his ront stoo! at eenti$e, a"hile, 5at sole)n. 4is )other, on a stuel, 9t the crannie$ hearth !re!are$ his gruel.

+Dother+ he crie$, + loe+ 5ai$ she, +9h, "ho+ + &no" not, )other $ear,+ he sai$, +*o you only &no" loe all )ai$ens airL Dy s!ecial )ai$, hae not seen, s"ear. Perha!s she's air as 9rthur's Fueenly saintL

9n$ !ure as sheCCan$ then, !erha!s she ain't.+

(urne$ then his )other ro) the hearthCstone hotL *ro!!e$ the blac& li$ u!on the gruelC!ot.

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+ &no"'$ a RuaCa&er eller, as oten as to"'$ )e this '*oan't thou )arry or )unny, but goa "heer )unny is' 5he's a beauty, thou thin&sCC"ot'a a beauty the lo"er as bla"s, %ut !ro!utty, !ro!utty stic&s, an$ !ro!utty, !ro!utty gra"s.+

(hen sai$ her son, + )ay )a&e so bol$, -ou Fuote the ne"Cstyle !oe), not the ol$.

(he Northern ar)er "ho) you thin& so sage s not born yet. (his is the Di$$le 9ge.+

4e sai$ no )ore, an$ on the net bright $ay (o 9rthur's court he !rou$ly ro$e a"ay. 9n$ on the "ay a )ai$en $i$ he )eet, 9n$ lai$ his heart an$ ortunes at her eet. 5)iling on hi)CC((933 "as her na)eCC +%rae &night,+ she sai$, +your loe cannot bla)e. -our han$s are strong. see you hae no brains, -ou're just the )an or tourna)ents. -our !ains, n case or )e a battle you shall "in,

5hall be re"ar$e$,+ an$ she s)ile$ li&e sin.

P@@95 glistene$ "ith a "il$ $elightL 9n$ goo$ Bing 9rthur soon got u! a ight 9n$ on the lat iel$, by the shore o As&, 53 P@@95 s)ashe$ the &nights ro) $a"n till $us&.

(hen ro) his s!earCCat least he thought he $i$CC 4e shoo& each )angle$ cor!se, an$ sotly gli$, 9n$ cro"ne$ ((933 Rueen o @oe an$ (ruth. 5he "ore the cro"n an$ then bescorne$ the youth. No" to her castle ho)e "oul$ she re!airL

9n$ P@@95 crae$ that he )ight see her there. +>h, young )an ro) the country+ then sai$ she, +5hoo ly !oor ool, an$ $on't you bother )e+ 5he bange$ her gate behin$ her, crying +5ol$+ (he noble youth "as let out in the col$.

4e shooCe$ the ly ro) the lo"erC!ots, ro) blac&est )oss, he shooCe$ the) all. 5hooCe$ the) ro) ruste$ nails an$ &nots, (hat hel$ the !each to the gar$enC"allL

9n$ bro&en she$s, all sa$ an$ strange.

4e shooCe$ the) ro) the clin&ing latch, 9n$ ro) the "ee$e$, ancient thatch, A!on the lonely )oate$ grange.

4e only sai$, +(his thing is $reary. 5he co)eth not+ he sai$. 4e sai$, + a) a"eary, a"eary, "ish these lies "ere $ea$.+

5o P@@95 )a$e his )oan. 9n$ eery $ay, >r )oist or $ry, he shooCe$ the lies a"ay. +(hese be the "ays o la$ies,+ P@@95 saith,

+(o those "ho loe the)L trials o our aith.+

%ut ceaseless shooCing )a$e the la$y )a$, 9n$ she calle$ out the best three &nights she ha$,

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9n$ charge$ the), +harge hi) *rie hi) ro) the "all he &ee!s on, "e'll hae no lies at all+ 9n$ out they ca)e. ach $i$ his leel bestL 53 P@@95 soon &ille$ one an$ sle" the rest.

9 bush o "il$ )arshC)arigol$, (hat shines in hollo"s gray,

4e cut, an$ s)iling to his loe, 4e shooCe$ )ore lies a"ay.

4e clas!e$ his nec& "ith croo&e$ han$sL n the hot sun in lonely lan$s, or seeral $ays he stea$y stan$s. (he "rin&le$ ly beneath hi) cra"ls, 4e "atches by the castle "allsCC @i&e thun$er then his bush it alls.

I(o be ontinue$.IH

Q95(3>N>D9@ >NV359(>N5.Q

;%- 9 9(43 9N* *9AG4(3 35*NG >N (4 P@9N( VNA5.=

No. V.

I*.I >h, Pa, i "e only ha$ a Doon /hat is lie "ithout one

I.I /ell, )y chil$, "e'e "'iggle$ along, so ar. t is true, our(elluric rien$s )ay be sai$ to hae the a$antage o usL but then,

there's no lunacy here erything is on the sFuare on this !lanet

I*.I $on't careL "ant a Doon, sFuare or no sFuare (here's no ecuseor being senti)ental here. /ho is eer i)aginatie, right ater su!!er9n$ yet ("ilight is all the ti)e "e hae.

I.I %ut still, 4@N, thin& our young ol&s are not really $eicientin senti)ent. /hat they "oul$ be, "ith si or seen )oons, li&e those o59(A3N or A39NA5, is rightul to thin& o 4eaens "hat !oetry "oul$s!ring u!, li&e as!aragus, in the genial s!ringCti)e /e shoul$ see3a!tures, "arrant you 9n$ oh, the rensies, the ho)ici$al energies,the chil$Croastings -es, Doonshine "oul$ )a&e it lielier here, no

$oubt. 9 ine ti)e, truly, or >gres, "ith their $iscri)inatingscentCC9n$ "hat a )oony s&y 4o" o$$, i one ha$ a !arlor "ith si"in$o"s.

I*.I 5een "oul$ be o$$er.

I.I /ell, seen, an$ a )oon loo&ing into each one o 'e) 9n artist"oul$ !erha!s object to the crossClights, but he nee$n't !aint by the).

I*.I /hat &in$ o +lights+ "ere you s!ea&ing o

I.I 5atellites.

I*.I >h, !sha" $on't tantaliKe )e

I.I /ell, crossClights.

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I*.I No", !ray, "hat )ay a crossClight be 9n una)iable an$ inhos!itablelight, li&e that "hich glea)s ro) the eyes o an astrono)er "hen he isinterru!te$ in the )i$st o a calculation

I.I No, nor yet the sarcastic s!ar&le in the eyes o a "itty butselish an$ unilial young la$y rossClights are lights "hose rays,

co)ing ro) o!!osite Fuarters, cross each other.

I*.I (hen yours an$ )ine are crossClights, guessH t"o 9)ericant"entyCie cent !ieces "ere to be !lace$ at a $istance ro) each other,an$ you stoo$ bet"een the)CCCC

I.I Dy chil$, coul$ neer co)e bet"een rien$s "ho "oul$ gla$ly seeeach other ater so long an absence

I*.I "as only trying to realiKe your i$ea o +light ro) o!!ositeFuarters.+

I.I (he )ost o 'e) )ust be ar too rusty to relect light.

I*.I >h, $are say their relections are heay enough.

I.I 9n$ so "ill )ine be, soon, i you go on in that style.

I*.I /ell, !a, $o $rielCCthat's a act @et us turn to so)ething o)ore i)!ortance.

I.I 5u!!ose "e no" atten$ the elestial %ull ight al"ays going on oerthere in the s&y. >n one si$e you !erceie that ga)ey I)ata$or,I >3>Nnot the +Gol$ %eater,+H "ith his club an$ his lion's s&in, Ia la

4erculesI. -ou obsere ho" +unresere$ly an$ uncon$itionally+ he !itchesinto the %ull, an$ ho" su!erb is the attitu$e an$ ar$or o his o!!onent.t is a s!len$i$ setCto, ull o alar)ing !ossibilities. ery )o)entyou e!ect to see those enor)ous horns engage$ "ith the bo"els o >3>N,or, in $eault o this, to behol$ that truculent lub co)e $o"n, /hac&on that curly !ate

I*.I 9n$ yet, they $on't

I.I (rue enough,CCthey $on't. t re)in$s )e o one J>4N %A@@, an$ hisa)iliar IisCaCis,I >'3-9N the enian. 9s the celestial !arties hae)aintaine$ their !ortentous attitu$es or ages, an$ nothing has co)e o

it, so "e )ay loo& !laci$ly or a si)ilar sus!ension in the earthlyco!y.

I*.I %ut their ery attitu$es are startling /asn't >3>N so)ething o aboaster

I.I >h, yesL he "as in the habit o $eclaring that there "asn't anani)al on earth that he coul$n't "hi!. 4e got co)e u! "ith, ho"eer. %ythe "ay, >3>N "as the original 4o)oeo!athist. 4is !ro!ose$atherCinCla", *>N >3>P>N, haing unortunately !ut out his eyes, in alittle o!eration or )is!lace$ aection, he hit on the no" a)ous!rinci!le, "hich, i it or 494NCD9N, "as it or >3>N. 4e "ent to

gaKing at the sun. /hat "oul$ hae $estroye$ his ision i he ha$ ha$any, no" restore$ it "hen he $i$n't hae any, an$ his sight beca)e so&een that he "as able to see through >3>P>NCCthough, beliee, hereinorce$ his !o"ers o ocular !enetration "ith a !o$Cauger.

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I*.I *rielling again Dore %itters, guessH ather, "hy "ere thePleia$es !lace$ in the 4ea$ o (9A3A5

I.I /ell, )y chil$, there are arious e!lanations. >n the arth, they!reten$ to say it "as )eant to signiy that the nglish "o)en are theinest in the unierseCCthe )ost sensible, the )ost char)ing, the )ost

irtuous. No "on$er, i this is so, "e in$ their sign u! there /hatsai$ D9GNA5 9P>@@> to young A@A5,CC+Procee$, youngster, you'll getthere eentually+ 9n$ D9G. "as right.

I*.I Pa, "hy $o they say, +the I5eenI Pleia$es,+ "hen there are onlysi

I.I /ell, $ear, ;I&issing her,I= !erha!s there's a acancy or IyouI e!ect the Anierse "ill be calle$ in, one o these nights, to a$)ire ane" "in&ing, blin&ing, an$ saucy little iolet starCCthe neatest thinggoing %ut not, ho!e, just yet.

I*.I %ooCChooCChooCChoo

I.I /ell, hang the Pleia$es %ooCChooCChooCCtoo

QGoo$ or 5o)ething %etter.Q

/e li&e enthusias). /e are ourseles Fuite gien to the a$)iration ogreat !eo!le, as they, in their turn, "e hae reason to beliee, aregien to a$)iration o their $ear PAN4N@@>. %ut "hen an nglisha$orer says that he consi$ers +D3. 493@5 5ADN3 it or a throne,+ "e

are te)!te$ to inFuire "hat throne there is it or Ihi)I (he act is,thrones hae co)e to be rather )ore $isre!utable than threeClegge$stools. +ery inch a &ing+ )ay )ean si eet o )a$C)an, or ie eeto )a$C"o)an. /e sincerely ho!e that there is no intention in nglan$ o)a&ing D3. 5ADN3 the Bing o 5!ainCC"e )ean o ab$ucting hi) or the!ur!oseL or o course, he "oul$ neer oluntarily assu)e the !ur!le.

Q(he *ierence.Q

enian General >'N@@ bore $o"n u!on ana$a "ith a )artial charge, but

he "as sent bac& in a Darshal's charge.

;llustration 9/A@ 593 > (4 %3(54 @>N 9( (4 9*V9N > (4N9N 49* N(3P*.=

Q/o)an's 3ight to %allot an$ %ullet.Q

n a s!eech "hich soun$s li&e a siCshooter, that $ea$ly "o)an, Drs..4.D. %3>/N, o 5an rancisco, gies notice that +"hen she goes to casther ballot, i any )an insults her, she "ill shoot hi)+ /ho "ill no"

$are to Fuestion "o)an's ability to eercise both the ranchise an$ theranchise$ PAN4N@@> sa$ly oresees that 5hooters or the han$s o"o)en "ill ta&e the !lace o 5uitors. Neertheless, he guarantees thatthe onstitutional right o "o)en to bear ar)s shall not be inringe$,

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an$ that they shall enjoy the inesti)able !riilege to shoot an$ be shotat. ery "o)an shall be at !erect liberty to cast her bullet or the)an o her choice

Q4o" to Da&e n$s Deet.Q

Diss %3((9N $eliers a lecture on the 4ighCcaste "o)en o n$ia. 5heshoul$ su!!le)ent it "ith one on the 4ighCstrung "o)en o n$iana, an$thus illustrate the etre)es o )arriage an$ $iorce.

Qro) the Ver)ont %or$er.Q

IVoice.I +4as anything been gaine$ by General >'N@+

Icho.I > Nihil

;llustration 9 9%N( >3N9DN(. (4 54 3P35N(* 5 >N > (4APP3 3A5(C99=

Q(he *o)inion o Bing /his&ey.Q

(he @on$on Illustrate$ Ne"sI calls the ne" Proince o the *o)inion,Daneto$a, instea$ o Danitobah. Perha!s the )ista&e originate$ ro) the

ru)or o the Dany (o$s by "hich certain )e)bers o the ana$ian abinetare sai$ to be habitually ins!ire$.

Q9 %lueCgrass 3election.Q

4ar$, in$ee$, is the lie o the !oor tra!!er o the Plains. *rien bystress o hunger, he is oten oblige$ to eat rattleCsna&eL but, as hecannot eat the hea$ o the re!tile, though the tail is goo$ at a !inch,he ails, you !erceie, to )a&e both en$s QDeat.Q

Q9 %right $ea.Q

(he 4on. J>4N %3G4( is sai$ to "hile a"ay the ti)e, in his retire)ent,by &nitting garters. t see)s ery strange that such a usur!ation o/o)an's 3ights shoul$ be carrie$ into eect by one o the stoutesta$ocates o the).

Q(he Green aboe the 3e$, at last.Q

>ne o the narrators o the late enian iKKle on the ana$ian bor$er$escribes General >'N@ as haing ina$e$ the *o)inion, +)ounte$ on as)all 3e$ horse.+

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Q>A3 P>3(>@>.Q

9n echange, ater !raising our recent artoon re!resenting the+%arnacles on 9)erican o))erce,+ )oes to reer us to the 4ouse

o))ittee on o))erce an$ Danuactures. PAN4N@@> neer $i$ loe the"ays o the /ashington ircu)locution >ice, but i there is one thing"hich he $isli&es )ore than anything else, 'tis the i$ea o being!igeonhole$ by the o))ittee on o))erce. (he uses to "hich aluableinor)ation is !ut by that august bo$y o traic&ers in !ubliccre$ulity, are not or us. (hat "e )ight !enetrate their benighte$ )in$s"ith )any rays o &no"le$ge is not to be $oubte$, but that "e shoul$ besnubbe$ in !ro!ortion to the alue o our o!inions is also eFuallyclear. (here are so)e !retty $ar& !laces in this "orl$ the %lac& 4oleo alcuttaL the IoublietteI o hillon astle, the (orture ha)bers oNure)berg, an$ the grottoes o the Da))oth ae, or instanceL but thereis no such utter eclusion o light, such !rooun$ obliion, such

blac&ness o $ar&ness, as a"aits anything "hich )ay be co))itte$ to the$ungeon o a ongressional o))ittee. Dost $eci$e$ly, thereore, "e"oul$ rather not be reerre$.

@earne$ )en in Dassachusetts are just no" conronte$ "ith an alar)ing!ossibility. (hey hae been rac&ing their brains to sole the !roble)"hether !o!ulation is increasing there aster than the )eans osubsistence, an$ "ith the e!ectation o $iscoering that it is, theyhae reache$ a !recisely o!!osite result. (he a"ul announce)ent is !utorth, that the su!!ly o babies is $i)inishing, an$ the Fuestion +/hat

shall "e $o to re)e$y it+ is as&e$. 5o !ersistently is thisinterrogatory urge$, that young un)arrie$ )en !era)bulating the streetso %oston, or sauntering leisurely about the o))on, are liable at any)o)ent to be accoste$ by a$ance$ single la$ies "ith "il$, haggar$loo&s, "ho sto! the) ace to ace, seiKe the) by the shoul$ers, an$gaKing at the) "ith &een, i)!loring glances, as i they "oul$ rea$ theirsouls through their eyes, see) to cry +9n$ "hat hae IyouI got to sayabout it, > "ieless youth an$ "hy $o IyouI let the !recious )o)entsly "hen "e are "illing an$ rea$y to be sacriice$ an$ "hat are I"eIall co)ing to, an$ "here are IyouI all going to, an$ "here "ill %ostonbe i this thing goes on+ %ut these thoughtless an$ jeering bachelors"ill not sto! to hear the "ail o their challengersL they eel no !ity

or their $es!airL they hae no sto)ach or their agonyL but go their"ays, leaing the "retche$ e)ales roote$, transie$, the !icture o!erect ho!elessness, an$ greeting the), ere they $isa!!ear ro) sight,"ith shouts o scoing laughter, "hich the "in$s catch u! an$ carrya"ay out o earshot.

Q5o)ething that )ost Peo!le "oul$ li&e a @ittle @onger.Q

5tra"berry 5hort a&e.

;llustration N(3N9(>N9@ -94(NG.

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J>4N %A@@, N((@* 9( (4 *9( > @((@ 954%A3-, /4> 5 5((NG AP 94>/@ 9%>A( (, >3*35 D95(35 *>AG@95 9N* %NN(( 9/9- /(4 (43 %>9(5,@5( (4- 54>A@* +>5(3 D54V>A5 J9@>A55.+=

Q>N*N5* >NG355.Q

5N9(.

;llustration ''.=

n s!ite o the obstinate silence o 5ADN3, the 5enate has been liely.ts irst !rocee$ing "as to !ass a billCCan inter)inable an$ longC$ra"nbillCCostensibly to enorce the iteenth 9)en$)ent. %ut the title is alittle jo&e. 9s no single !erson can rea$ this bill an$ lie, an$ as no!erson other than a )e)ber o the bar o Phila$el!hia coul$ un$erstan$it, i he surie$ the rea$ing o it, PAN4N@@> $ee)e$ it his $uty tohae the bill rea$ by relays o strong )en. /hat, is the result 5i o

his )ost alue$ contributors slee! in the alley. %ut "hat are theirlies to the "elare o the unierse, or "hich he eists. (he bill!roi$es,

1. (hat any !erson o a $ar&er color than chro)e yello" shall hereaterbe entitle$ to ote to any etent at any election, "ithout reerence toage, se, or !reious con$ition, anything any"here to the contrarynot"ithstan$ing.

2. (hat any !erson "ho says that any such !erson ought not to ote shallbe !unishable by ine to the etent o his !ossessions, an$ shall beanathe)a.

?. (hat any !erson "ho shall, "ith intent to !reent the oting o anysuch !erson, stri&e such !erson u!on the nose, eye, )outh, or othereature, "ithin one )ile o any !lace o oting, "ithin one "ee& o any$ay o oting, shall be !unishable by ine to the etent o t"ice his!ossessions, an$ shall be $isentitle$ to ote oreer ater. Doreoer heshall be anathe)a.

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)e$alle$ enough, that "as all he as&e$. (here "ere about ie thousan$"aering oters in his $istrict, "ho) he thought he coul$ i, i hecoul$ gie the) a )e$al a!iece.

Dr. >NB@NG sai$ he "oul$ li&e to )e$al so)e )en. %ut he $i$ not li&esuch )e$$leso)e )en as 9D3>N.

Dr. *39B )oe$ to $e!rie anybo$y in Dissouri "ho $iere$ ro) hi) in!olitics o !racticing any !roession. 4e sai$ that )any o the citiKenso that 5tate "ere incarnate $e)onsCCso )uch so that "hen they ha$ ani)!ortant la" case they "oul$ rather intrust it to so)ebo$y else thanhi)sel. /as this right 4e as&e$ the 5enate to !rotect hi) as a natiein$ustry.

4>A5.

Dr. NG35>@@ loate$ his !o"erul )in$ in airCline railroa$s. 4e "ante$+that air+ line ro) /ashington to Ne" -or&. (his 'ere line $i$n't suithi). 4e a!!eale$ to the 4ouse to !rotect its )e)bers ro) the untol$

horrors o !assing through Phila$el!hia. 4e ha$ no $oubt that )uch othe i)becility "hich he re)ar&e$ in his colleagues, an$ !ossibly so)e othe i)becility they ha$ re)ar&e$ in hi), "ere $ue to this $rea$ulor$eal. 4e a$)itte$ that goo$ jule!s "ere to be ha$ at he Dint. %utjule!s ha$ beguile$ een 59D5>N, an$ cut his hair o. 4is colleague,@>G9N, )ight not be as strong as 59D5>N, but he "oul$ be as entirelyuseless an$ uni)!ressie an object "ith his hair o.

(hen there "as a $ebate u!on the !ro!osition to abolish the )ission to3o)e.

Dr. %3>>B5 sai$ )ost o his constituents "ere 3o)an atholics. (hereore

there shoul$ be a )ission to 3o)e.

Dr. *9/5 sai$ that %3>>B5 use$ to be a Bno"CNothing. (hereore thereshoul$ not be a )ission to 3o)e.

Dr. >S sai$ that they use$ to burn "itches in Dassachusetts. (hereorethere shoul$ be a )ission to 3o)e.

Dr. 4>93 sai$ they $i$n't. (hereore there shoul$ not be a )ission to3o)e.

Dr. V>>345 sai$ they burnt a 3o)an atholic 9sylu) in %oston.

(hereore there shoul$ be a )ission to 3o)e.

Dr. *9/5 sai$ they burnt a Negro 9sylu) in Ne" -or&. (hereore thereshoul$ not be a )ission to 3o)e.

Dr. V>>345 sai$ *9/5 "as another. (hereore there shoul$ be a )issionto 3o)e.

Dr. %NG49D sai$ P>/@@ "as a )uch better !ainter than ((9N, an$VNN 39D a )uch better scul!tor than D49@ 9NG@>. (hereore thereshoul$ not be a )ission to 3o)e.

I3e!ublican horus.I -ou are.

I*e)ocratic horus.I /e ain't.

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I3e!ublican horus.I -ou $i$.

I*e)ocratic horus.I /e $i$n't.

I5olo by the 5!ea&er.I >r$er.

I*e)ocratic horus.I (here shoul$ be I$a ca!oI "ith gael

acco)!ani)ent.H

I3e!ublican horus.I (here shoul$ not be $itto, $itto.H 9ter "eighingthese argu)ents, the 4ouse a$journe$ "ithout $oing anything about it.

Q9 %9* +>*>3+ N (4 /5(.Q

+(he oroner's Jury inestigating the Dissouri Paciic 3ailroa$slaughter hae oun$ that it "as all cause$ by the $isobe$ience an$negligence o /@@9D >*>3, con$uctor o the etra reight

train+CC*aily Pa!er.

(his +con$uctor+ is as $angerous as so)e o the +lightning+ s!eciesH"hich "e hae seen $angling $isjointe$ ro) the roos an$ "alls o$"ellingChouses in the country. 9t the irst shoc&, goo$Cbye to you iyou are any"here aroun$. >r, rather, he )ay be co)!are$ to the )ias)aro) $itches an$ stagnant !on$s, inhale$ at all ti)es by our rusticello" citiKens, "ith the trustulness i not relishH o the )ostetre)e si)!licity. 9n$ yet, it &ills the), all the sa)e. No one out/est "oul$ hae care$ a !in about /@@9D'5 +$isobe$ience+ an$+negligence,+ i these triling eccentricities ha$n't occasione$ the&illing or )ai)ing o seeral carCloa$s o !assengers. t is har$ to

shoc& these /estern ol&s' sense o honor an$ i$elityL but &ill a e"o the), an$ the rest begin to eel it. /e su!!ose that just no" this%@@ can't !ass there. %ut, our "or$ or it, he'll soon be incirculation again. Perha!s he )ay yet hae the !leasure o on$uctingso)e o IusI to that 5tation ro) "hich, etc., etc. %eore "e ta&e ourconte)!late$ tri! to the /est, thereore, "e erently $esire to haethis >*>3 neutralise$, een though one shoul$ $o it "ith strychnine.

QN>3D9(>N /9N(*.Q

(he corres!on$ent o a %oston !a!er "rites as ollo"s, ater haingisite$ the I3eichstagI

+-ou )ay be sure that that )an is %5D93BL i ro) ti)e to ti)e heirons out his ace "earily "ith his han$s, as he stu$ies a long$ocu)ent, or i by chance so)e unluc&y )e)ber, attracting his $is$ain,calls his )in$ to the act that he is in Parlia)ent, then he starts tohis eet li&e a "arChorse, an$ tal&s "ith great grace an$ ease, al"aysra!i$ly, al"ays briely.+

/hy is it that %5D93B irons out his ace s it because he has just"ashe$ itCCor is it to conceal his i$entity, as the eatures o the Dan

in the Das& "ere irone$ out

9n$ "hy $oes the great Dinister start to his eet li&e a "arChorsePAN4N@@>, not haing been an 9l$er)an or De)ber o ongress,

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recently, is not ery a)iliar "ith the getting u! o "ar horsesL butthe or$inary eFuine ani)al $oes not assu)e the u!right !osture "ithgreat rea$iness or grace. PAN4N@@> "ere to beco)e a )e)ber o theI3eichstag,I an eent no" highly !robable, he "oul$ li&e to hae eerya$ersary in $ebate +start to his eet li&e a "arChorse.+

;llustration @@A5(39(* @(39(A3.

I%oy "ith bas&et.HI +/49('5 (4D P(35, JDCC9N>(43 DA3*3, >3 9N/ *V>3+

IJi).I +N>( DA4. >N@- 9N >@* SA(>N,CC/93D* >V3+=

Q(4 3>D9AN( > (4 >-5(3.Q

n the )oonlight at atta"a)!us

/e sat by the surging sea, +9n$ > ho" long or an oyster,+ 5ai$ @9 (C5N-*3 to )e.

(hen sai$, +/oul$ "ere )ine the !o"er, *ee!, $ee!, to the $ee!)ost sea "oul$ ly on the "ings o an oyster (o gather a !earl or thee.

+/here the oysters are roystering together n the caes an$ the grots "here they lie, 9n$ the cla)s "ith a )usical cla)or

3ejoice "hen the "ater is high,+

+>, there "oul$ )y s!irit con$uct thee. (ill, as "aes began to s"ell, (hou shoul$s't rise o'er the crest o the billo"s, @i&e a VNA5 u!on the halCshell+

'("as enough or sa" her eye stir, 9n$ o!e li&e an oyster "i$e, 9s in accents hysteric she "his!ere$, +No, @SCC'$ li&e 'e) rie$+

*i$ she ta&e )e, alas or a riar, >r a )an o a soul austere, (hat !earl o )y heart's hincoteague >h, no, she ha$ nothing to ear.

(hen "e reache$ the hotel together 9n$ !artoo& o t"o !lates o ry, 9n$ )arelle$ to thin& than an oyster 4a$ hoiste$ her s!irits so high.

Q>3GN >335P>N*N.Q

%y 9tlantic able.H

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@eaing 3o)e, hae calle$ net on N9P>@>N, at Paris. 4e sent "or$,through >@@V3, that be "ante$ to see )e. 4e loo&s Iol$.I 5o)e )e$ical)an has !ut orth the i$ea that he has %3G4('5 $isease. 9n nglishIattacheI just as&e$ )e "hether that has any reerence to J>4N %3G4(.9s the latter is a Rua&er, the irst sy)!to) o this $isease )ust haebeen sho"n long ago, "hen the )!eror sai$, +(he )!ire is Peace.+ satisie$ )y rien$, ho"eer, that the case "as not one o that Bi$ney.

/ell, the )!eror as&e$ )e, +/hat $o they say o )e in 9)erica+

+5ire, "e thin& you are ery "ise, to acce!t the ineitable, an$ )a&e airtue o it.+

+/ise, o course. *isintereste$, too+

+IPar$onneK )oi.I Not eer I"ise, o course.I Deico "as a olly, you&no".+

+ &no"L though i you "ere not PAN4N@@>, you shoul$ not say it. /ill

)y son reign in rance+

+5ire, a) not an oracle. %ut they hae a !roerb in )y country, thatit neer rains but it !ours.+

+IJe n'enten$s !as.I (he I!lebisciteI "as rather a neat thing+

+/orthy o its author. (he ol$ storyL hea$s "in, tails you lose. %ut,"ill your Dajesty say "hat you thin& o the Po!e+

+(hat ol$ Po!injay 4e has been )y olly, greater than Deico. 4e "oul$hae gone to Gaeta, or to !er$ition, long ago, but or IDa$a)eI+

+9n$ the ouncil+

+4a, ha, ha, ha, ha+

+/hat $o you thin& o %5D93B+

+Donsieur, $etain you too long. -ou hae, a) sure, an engage)ent.I%on jourI+

I9!ro!osI o the )!eror, it is sai$ that, on the suggestion onglan$'s !ro!osal to ta&e charge o Greece, an$ clean out the brigan$s,

i the Bing an$ )inisters there "oul$ resign,CCol. 5B telegra!he$ onto N9P>@>N, oering to ta&e charge o the goern)ent o rance, as arecreation, a)ong his arious engage)ents. 4e $oes not een reFuire the)!eror to "ith$ra"L be can run the )achine about as "ell "ith hi) as"ithout hi).

9s to the IPlebisculu),I they say that AGN as&e$ or )asses to besai$ in all the churches or its success. N9P>@>N !reerre$ to )a&e hisa!!eal to the I)asses outsi$eI o the churches.

(9@-.

%isho! V3@@ last "ee& $eclare$, in a ser)on, that railroa$s,telegra!hs, an$ the !ress, "ere all inentions o the $eil. 9corres!on$ent o the (ribune at once sent hi) "or$ that this "as a)ista&e. 4>39 G3@- ha$ alrea$y !roe$ that railroa$s an$ telegra!hs

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"ere inentions o %ritish ree (ra$eL an$ that the !ress ha$ beeninente$ by his gran$ather, or the !ro)ulgation o !rotection.

5ince the telegra) ca)e through lorence, o a serious riot atila$elia, in taly, a tourist ro) Penn's city o brotherly loeun$erstoo$ it to be that ol. (>D @>3N "as seriously hurt in a riotat Phila$el!hia telegra!he$ or hi), to )y ol$ rien$ the olonel,

an$ learne$, "ith satisaction, that not a hair o (>D'5 hea$ ha$ beenshortene$.

NG@9N*.

n Parlia)ent, an interesting $ebate occurre$ the other night. Dr.*9/5>N )oe$ a resolution con$e)ning the raising o large reenue inn$ia ro) o!iu). Dr. /NG@* o!!ose$ the resolution, arguing thato!iu) "as less hurtul than alcohol. Dr. ((D>A5, a young )e)ber, a$$e$that arsenic is less hurtul than strychnineL also, that this is lessinjurious than !russic aci$. Dr. G@9*5(>N $i$ not see "hat that ha$ to$o "ith the case. Neither $i$ .

Dr. *NN5>N ho!e$ that )ere senti)ent "oul$ not be suere$ tointerere "ith the !ros!erity o n$ia. Dr. ((D>A5 then suggeste$ thesen$ing o the olunteer 3iles to ta&e i))e$iate !ossession o hinaLthat "oul$ not be senti)ental, but !ractical. Dr. 4N@- beliee$ thatto be a )ore costly aair than he "as !re!are$ orL but, "heneer theinterest o nglan$ reFuire$ it, he "as rea$y. /hat are the lies o ahun$re$ )illion hinese to the inancial !ros!erity o nglan$ Dr.G@9*5(>N consi$ere$ that o!iu) "as )erely a $rug, ater all. t "as not"orth "hile to consu)e the ti)e o the 4ouse about it. 9n$ so theresolution "as lost.

P3D.

Q9 Dathe)atical Proble).Q

one Anite$ 5tates Darshal can ca!ture a enian General surroun$e$ byhis ar)y, in ie )inutes, ho" long "oul$ it ta&e hi) to ca!ture thear)y

;llustration 'B'=

(4 P@9-5 9N* 54>/5.

Bant is a$)itte$ to be one o the greatest o the Ger)an !hiloso!hers.(hat act has nothing "hateer to $o "ith the Plays an$ 5ho"s, but theartist insisting u!on )a&ing B the initial letter o this colu)n, the"riter "as oblige$ to begin "ith BantCCBelley being ho!elesslyassociate$ in the !ublic )in$ "ith !igCiron, an$ all other )eta!horicalFuays ro) "hich he )ight hae launche$ his "ee&ly bar& beingunreasonably s!elle$ "ith a R.H

Ger)an !hiloso!hy, ho"eer, rese)bles talian >!era in one !articularit consists )ore o soun$ than o sense. %oth hae a li&e eect u!onthe un$ersigne$, in that they lea$ hi) into the !aths o innocence an$!eaceL in short, they !ut hi) to slee!. 9 e" nights since he "ent to

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hear Diss B@@>GG in IPoliutoI. 4e listene$ "ith attention through theirst act, $ro"sily through the secon$, an$ ro) the sha$es o $rea)lan$in the thir$. %et"een the acts he lounge$ in the lobbies an$ hear$ thecritics s!ea& "ith sneering $erision o the co)!li)entary notices o the9)erican Nightingale "hich they "ere about to "rite, "hile theye!resse$, "ith sar$onic s)iles, a longing or the $ay "hen they "oul$be +allo"e$+CCsuch "as their singular e!ressionCCto +s!ea& the truth

about Diss B@@>GG as a !ri)a $onna.+ 9n$ "hile he sat "ith close$ eyes$uring the thir$ act, "on$ering "hether he shoul$ beliee the critics inthe lesh, or their criticis)s in the colu)ns o their res!ectiejournals, he sa" rehearse$ beore hi) a ne" o!eratic !erersion oD9%(4, as unli&e the original as een V3*'5 D9%((>, an$ Fuite asine!licable to the unso!histicate$ )in$. 9n$ this is "hat he sa"

I5cene, the *ar& ae in ourteenth street. n the )i$$le a aul$ronboiling. (hun$erCCan$ !robably s)all beerCCbehin$ the scenes. nterthree /itches.I

I1st /itchI. (hrice the (ho)as cat hath yo"le$.

I2$ /itchI. (hriceL an$ once the he$geChog ho"le$.

I?$ /itchI. 9ll o "hich is "holly irreleant to our !resent !ur!ose,"hich is to su))on "hat )y rien$ 5ir %A@/3 @-((>N "oul$ call the5cinC@aeca, or, a!!arition o each liing critic ro) the nasty $ee! othe caul$ron, an$ to interie" hi) in or$er to hear "hat he reallythin&s o Diss B@@>GG.

Ilst /itchI +3oun$ about the caul$ron go, n the !oisone$ "his&ey thro"

@ager, that on col$est stone, *ays an$ nights hast thirty one.+

InterI D95(39B>54. +4o" no", you secret blac& an$ )i$night hags, "hatis't you $o+

I9llI +9 $ee$ that un$er !resent circu)stances it "oul$ be su!erluousto na)e.+

IDac5tra&oschI. + conjure you by that "hich you !roess, ho"'er youco)e to &no" it,H ans"er )e to "hat as& you.+

Ilst /itchI. +5!ea&.+

I2$ /itchI. +Procee$.+

I?$ /itchI. +>ut "ith it, ol$ boy.+

IDac5tra&oschI. +/hat $o these ello"s really thin&, "ho) "e co)!el to"rite so s"eetly o our o"n onnecticut I!ri)a $onnaI+

I9llI +o)e high or lo", co)e jac& or een ga)e, /e'll ans"er all your Fuestions just the sa)e.+

I(hun$er. 9n a!!arition o a critic rises.I

IDac5tra&oschI.

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+(ell )e, thou un&no"n !o"er, "hat thin&est thou > our o"n natienightingale+

I9!!aritionI.

+4er oice is clear an$ bright, but ar too thin

or a great singer.CC5uch in truth she's not. *is)iss )e+ I*escen$sI.H

IDac5tra&oschI.

+*is)isse$ thou shalt be i thy e$itor /ill listen to our singer's an$ D9N95' !laint. %ut one "or$ )ore.+

I(hun$er. 5econ$ a!!arition o a critic rises.

9!!aritionI.

+4er oice is goo$ in Fuality, but then (here's not suicient o it or a Fueen > the lyric stage. -et such she clai)s to be, %ut is not. No" $is)iss )e.+ I*escen$sI.H

IDac5tra&oschI.

+-eaL an$ "ill unless thy )aster's ear %e $ea to the $e)an$ o goo$ society. @et )e hear )ore+

I(hun$er. (hir$ a!!arition o a critic rises.

9!!aritionI.

+4er lo"er notes are ba$, her u!!er notes orce$, ree$y, an$ )ost sa$ly oten latL '(is olly to co)!are her "ith the great ullCoice$ an$ !lenteous Pare!a. No" *is)iss )e i thou "ilt.+

IDac5tra&oschI.

+5acrilegious "retch hae thy na)e A!on )y tablets. (hy oicial hea$ o)es o at once. all u!, ye )i$night hags, 9nother o these illains.+

I(hun$er. ourth a!!arition o a critic rises.

9!!aritionI.

+4er acting, li&e her oice, is col$ an$ har$L Not thus $i$ G35, G99NG9 or >3(5 act "hen their "ar) 5outhern bloo$

(hrobbe$ in the !assionate !ulse o V>@((9, N>3D9, or the 5!anish @>N>3. *is)iss )e, Fuic&.+

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IDac5traloschI.

+(hon $iest ere toC)orro"'s sun shall set, >r neer )ore a$ertise)ent o )ine 5hall grace the colu)ns o thy journal. Net.+

I(hun$er. ith a!!arition o a critic rises.

9!!aritionI.

+5he in the sa)e in eerything she singsL 4er 'Gil$a,' her '9)ina,' or her 'Darguerite,' 4er '@eonora,' or her '*aughter o (he 3egi)ent,' are one an$ all the sa)e air la$y $ec&e$ in $ierent stage costu)es. %etter $is)iss )e, no". 'e tol$ the truth, 9n$ )ay continue that unsee)ly !ractice.+

IDac5tra&oschI.

+(his is !ast bearing. 9re there any )ore > these ru$e ello"s "aiting to be su))one$+

I(hun$er. ight a!!aritions o critics rise an$ !ass oer the stage,reciting the ollo"ing chorus

9!!aritionsI.

+5he has a !retty little oice, an$ uses it n !retty little "ays. she "oul$ sing n !retty little theatres she'$ )a&e a hit

n !retty little !arts. (hat's eerything (hat can be sai$ or her. ease then to clai) (hat +B@@>GG+ shoul$ be "rit net G35'5 na)e.+

I(he a!!aritions anish. 9n alar) o $ru)s is hear$, an$I D9(9*>3Ia"a&es to in$ that he is still en$uring Poliuto, an$ that a s!ora$ic$ru) in the orchestra, "hich has bro&en loose ro) the "ea& restraintso the con$uctor's $isci!line, is )a&ing Ver$i unnecessarily hi$eous.I

9n$ as he !asse$ once )ore an$ inally through the lobby, he hear$ acritic re)ar&, +5he is the sa)e in eerything she singsL+ an$ anotherre!ly, +-es, she has a !retty little oice, an$ uses it nicely, but she

is by no )eans a great singer.+ 5truc& by the si)ilarity o thesere)ar&s to those )a$e by the a!!aritions in his ision, he began to$oubt "hether his $rea) $i$ not, ater all, contain a large alloy otruth, an$ the )ore he thought on the subject the )ore he "as le$ tobeliee that or once he ha$ really hear$ the critics o the Ne" -or&!ress in$ulging in an unrestraine$ e!ression o honest o!inion.

D9(9*>3

Q%ingha) on 3o)e.Q

+(al& to )e at this ti)e o $ay about %orne being the Dother o 9rts+cries Dr. %AN>D% %NG49D, D.. PAN4N@@> erently ho!es that at noti)e o the $ay "ill anybo$y eer tal& to %NG49D about %orne being the

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Dother o 9rts. (he reason thereor is obious. +/hy, sir,+ says%NG49D, +there is )ore o that genius "hich )a&es een the )arble itsel"ear the $iine beauty o lie, )ore o that !o"er toC$ay in liing9)erica, than "as eer $rea)e$ o in 3o)e, liing or $ea$+ /e thin& "ehear %NG49D eclai), "ith the gla$iatorCli&e cha)!ionshi! o 9rt or"hich he is reno"ne$CC+%ring on your D49@ 9NG@>5L !ro$uce your493>5A3>5, your D959N@@>5, your 59V>N93>@95 an$ the rest o

'e)CCbut sho" )e a )atch or VNN 39D+

;llustration QP35@9G.Q

Jen&ins Ihaing glaKier, "ho is )en$ing base)ent "in$o"I.H +N>/, D-3N*, (3- (> G( >A( (49( /9-. ->A BN>/ ->A DA5( 49V %N PA( N >3Iso)ethingI, 9N* ->A'@@ >N@- 9GG39V9( D9((35 ->A (3- (> %39BJ9@.+=

Qhino!athy.Q

*i$ the gentle)an "ho thre" a bric& at a $og on a ery hot $ay "hen no$oubt that inoensie ani)al "as in a ste"H i)agine that he ha$ hitu!on the "hole o the co))on hinese I)ateria )e$icaI PAN4N@@> isgraely tol$ that a elestial $octor is about to co)e to Ne" -or&, "hoseaorite !rescri!tions, in accor$ance "ith hinese !ractice, +"ill beba&e$ clayC$ust, si)ilar to bric&C$ust an$ $ogCsou!.+ n one o thesere)e$ies the )e$ical acu)en o PAN4N@@> recogniKes a ho)oeo!athic!rinci!le. Dan haing been )a$e out o the $ust o the earth, nothing isso "ell a$a!te$ to cure hi) as ba&e$ clay. ery )an's house is no" not

only his castle, but his a!othecary sho!. 9 bric& )ay be consi$ere$ a!anacea, an$ )ay be carrie$ in the hat. (a&en internally, it "ill go tothe buil$ing u! o the syste). 9!!lie$ to the hea$ it is goo$ orractures. *ogCsou! has an ei$ent a$antage oer the usual!rescri!tions o %ar&.

QGree& Deeting Gree&.Q

/e learn that +a naal architect na)e$ *ANBN clai)s to hae constructe$a ne" style o essel, i)!erious to ra)s, shell, or shot.+ No", then,

"here is our rien$, a!tain 355>N (he a!tain has a tor!e$o "hichhe is anious to e!lo$e, near a strong essel belonging to so)ebo$yelse. 4e says it "ill blo" u! anything. *ANN says nothing can blo" u!his essel. 9 contest bet"een these ery !ositie inentors "oul$ be a!ositie luuryCCto those "ho ha$ nothing to ris&. /e bet on thetor!e$o.

Q(he +Ne" Duscle+.Q

t "as a )ere jo&e, that stu about the +ne" )uscle in the hu)an bo$y,+

sai$ to hae been oun$ by an nglish anato)ist. t si)!ly )eant that,the >yster Donths being !ast, the +hu)an bo$y+ begins to be nourishe$"ith sotCshell cla)s.

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QG39V5(>N5 >3 59@.Q

%argains in ))ortality

(he un$ersigne$ oers or sale to the highest bi$$er, u! to *oo)s$ay

net, seeral choice lots o to)bstones. %i$$ers "ill state !rice an$ter)s o !ay)ent, an$ acce!te$ !urchasers "ill re)oe the )onu)ents ro)their !resent localities, at their o"n ris&. (he lots are

1st. 9 graestone o "hite )arble. t is about M: eet sFuare at thebase, an$ is the rustru) o a !yra)i$, truncate$ at about 1 P9(39, a !ersonage once celebrate$ or loyaltyan$ "is$o), but "hose teachings are no" "ell nigh orgotten, an$ "hosena)e een is ast being obliterate$ ro) the )e)ories o ra$ical

i)!roers o goern)ents an$ re!ublican institutions. (his lot )ay beseen south o the )outh o Goose ree&, in a $istrict calle$ olu)bia.

2$. 9 graestone consisting o a sFuare house o llinois )arble, "ith a!iece o a s)o&eCstac& !rotru$ing ro) the roo. 9bout oneCthir$ o theesti)ate$ cost ha$ been e!en$e$, "hen the !ersons "ho "ere to urnishthe )eans su$$enly conclu$e$ that the @ittle Giant coul$ slee! just as"ell in a ilthy un)ar&e$ hole in the groun$, as un$er a !ile o )arble.%esi$es, being $ea$, he coul$n't get any )ore oices or hisconstituents, so they oun$ out they $i$n't care a cuss or hi). urtherinor)ation about this stone can be obtaine$ by a!!lying to any citiKeno hicago.

?$. 9 )onu)ent "hich "e haen't seen, an$ so can't $escribe. t issu!!ose$ to be at 5!ringiel$, llinois, an$ "as inten$e$ or a !ersononce calle$ a rails!litterCCa )an )uch ho)elier than the ty!ical he$geence, but as goo$ as ho)ely. 4e "as thought to be a secon$ P3> P9(39,D>55, or so)e such !erson, an$ "as s"orn by, by )illions o !eo!le "ho"oul$ no" al)ost $eny eer haing hear$ o hi). 9t the ti)e he "ent outeerybo$y "ante$ to !ut u! a graestone i))e$iatelyCCal)ost beore henee$e$ one. No", eerybo$y isn't altogether enough to !roi$e one. orurther !articulars about the 5!ringiel$ stone, inFuire o any re$Chotra$ical.

(here are so)e other lots, but "e "ill not oer the) until "e see ho"the !resent ones go o.

G4>A@, IAn$erta&er.I

Q@9(5( 9%>A( +@>+Q

(he rre!ressible %lac& haing been re!resse$, here co)es therre!ressible 3e$ 49/9(49 is cutting u! a great ariety o ca!ers as"ell as o unortunate settlers. 5houl$ you as& us "hy this bloo$she$,

/hy this scal!ing an$ this burning, /hy this con$uct )ost $isgraceul,/hy these cri)es o the Piegans, /hy this sen$ing orth o sol$iers, /hythe !erils o the rail"ay, &no"n as an$ calle$ the "ay Paciic, "hichit "on't be i these actions are allo"e$ to go un!unishe$,H /e shoul$

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tell youCC"his&ey to say nothing o the in$o)itable !ro!ensity "hichrises in the Piegan boso) or scal!s. (he noble 5on o the orest is ana)ateur in scal!sL as so)e o us are all or ol$ boo&s an$ others orol$ coins. %ut ho"eer )uch "e )ay res!ect the enthusias) o the "il$3oer o the Plains, in )a&ing these collections o cranial curiosities,"e eel that the re$ irtuoso is really going too arCCat least "eshoul$ eel so, "e hae no $oubt, i he "ere ta&ing o our o"n !riate

scal!, "hich is a ery han$so)e one, an$ "hich "e ho!e to be burie$ in.NoL the Piegan !assion or scal!s )ust be su!!resse$. %ut ho" 5o)e sayby )ore "his&ey. 5o)e say by less. 5o)e say by none at all. /e are orthe )ore instea$ o the less. (here is "his&ey an$ "his&ey. No" our i$ea"oul$ be to sen$ an unli)ite$ su!!ly o the )ore $ea$ly ariety o thatehilarating lui$, highly ca)!hene$,H to the coniial Piegans. 9teran etensie $ebauch u!on this !otent ti!!le, ery e" Piegans "oul$ beli&ely to ta&e the iel$, either this su))er or any other. (hey "oul$ be*ea$ 3e$s, eery rascal o the).

traor$inary %argains

n

39@ N*9, 954D3 9N* 5ADD3 549/@5,

Paris an$ *o)estic Da$e 5il& loa&s,

I)broi$ere$ %rea&ast Jac&ets, inall olors,I

4@*3N'5 E D555' 59B5,

@a$ies' 5!ring an$ 5u))er 5uits in 5@B,P>P@N, P>NG5, 53G5, PRA,5/55 @9/N, @NN5, olore$an$ Plain 9D%35.

hil$ren's an$ Disses' /hite an$olore$ PiFue 5uits.

@a$ies', hil$ren's an$ nants' An$er"ear,Ec., in ery 5tyle.

9.(. 5te"art E >.,

%roa$"ay, .

9re oering

an DDN5 V93(- > N>V@(5 in

5@B5, 5@B (55A5, P>P@N5,P@9N 9N* %3>4 %93G5.

IParis Ruality Jaconets, >rgan$ies, Percales,

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PiFues, Pattern ostu)es, Dorning*resses.I

ery Variety o Goo$s 5uitable or Dourning.

4>53-.

9lean$re's elebrate$ Bi$ Gloes, n ne"5ha$es o olor, at etre)elyattractie !rices.

%3>9*/9-,

.

>er the balance o their stoc& o

(ri))e$ %onnets an$ 4ats,

Paris an$ *o)estic )a$e.

@>/35, 9(435,

(ri))ing 3ibbons, 5ash 3ibbons, Nec&ties,Ec., at greatly 3e$uce$ Prices.

Noelties in

Duslin an$ @a"n 5un$o"ns,

%@9B 9N* /4( 4P 49(5, (.

(he @atest styles.

%3>9*/9-,

P3DAD5.

%y s!ecial arrange)ent "ith

@. P39NG E >.,

"e oer the ollo"ing legant Pre)iu)s or ne" 5ubscribers toPAN4N@@>

+9"a&ening.+ 9 @itter o Pu!!ies.H 4al hro)o, siKe,8 ?C8 by 11 1C8, !rice 2.00, an$ a co!y o PAN4N@@> orone year, or

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+/il$ 3oses.+ hro)o, 12 1C8 by 6, !rice ?.00, or anyother ?.00 hro)o, an$ a co!y o the !a!er or one year or:.00.

+(he %aby in (rouble.+ hro)o, 1? by 1M 1C.'5hro)os, ro) "hich a selection can be )a$e, i the aboe is notsatisactory, an$ are !re!are$ to )a&e s!ecial ter)s or clubs toany a)ount, an$ to agents.

Postage o !a!er is !ayable at the oice "here receie$, t"entycents !er year, or ie cents !er Fuarter in a$anceL the 43>D>5"ill be I)aile$ reeI on recei!t o )oney.

3e)ittances shoul$ be )a$e in P.>. >r$ers, *rats, or %an&hec&s on Ne"C-or&, or 3egistere$ letters. (he !a!er "ill besent ro) the irst nu)ber, 9!ril 2$, 1870,H "hen not other"iseor$ere$.

No" is the ti)e to subscribe, as these Pre)iu)s "ill be oere$or a li)ite$ ti)e only. >n recei!t o a !ostageCsta)! "e "illsen$ a co!y o No. 1 to any one $esiring to get u! a club.

9$$ress

PAN4N@@> PA%@54NG >.,

P. >. %>S 278?. No. 8? Nassau 5treet, Ne"C-or&.

;llustration @>A5 N9P>@>N 5D>B5 45 PP > P9.=

+(he Printing 4ouse o the Anite$ 5tates.+

G>. . N5%(( E >.,

General J>% P3N(35,

%@9NB %>>B Danuacturers,5(9(>N35 /holesale an$ 3etail,@(4>G39P4 ngraers an$ Printers,>PP3CP@9( ngraers an$ Printers,93* Danuacturers,

NV@>P Danuacturers,N A( an$ >@>3 Printers.

1M?, 1M:, 1M7, an$ 1M6 P93@ 5(.,

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7?, 7:, 77, an$ 76 PN 5(., Ne"C-or&.

9*V9N(9G5. 9ll on the sa)e !re)ises, an$ un$er i))e$iatesu!erision o the !ro!rietors.

%o"ling Green 5aingsC%an&,

?? %3>9*/9-,

N/C->3B.

>!en ery *ay ro) 10 9.D. to ? P.D.

*e!osit o any su) ro) (en ents to (en(housan$ *ollars, "ill be receie$.

5i Per ent nterest, ree oGoern)ent (a.

N(35( >N N/ *P>5(5

o))ences on the irst o eery )onth.

4N3- 5D(4, IPresi$entI.

3V5 . 5@D5, I5ecretaryI.

/9@(3 3>4,H*/93* 4>G9N,H IViceCPresi$entsI.

5939(>G9 +9+ 5P3NG /9(3.

9 P>5(V A3 >3 49*94CC9 G39(3D*- >3 N*G5(>N 9N* *-5PP59.CC

Bee!s the bloo$ cool an$ regulates the sto)ach. Persons subject to hea$ache

can insure the)seles ree$o) ro) this )ala$y by $rin&ing it liberally inthe )orning beore brea&ast.

5ol$ by J>4N . 4N3-, at the A.5. a)ily De$ical *e!ot, 8 ollege Place,Ne"C-or&.

P39NG'5 43>D>5 are celebrate$ or their close rese)blance to oil!aintings. 5ol$ in all 9rt 5tores throughout the "orl$.

P39NG'5 @9(5( 43>D>5 +our 5easons,+ by J. D. 4art. llustrate$

catalogues sent ree on recei!t o sta)! by

@. P39NG E >., %oston.

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PAN4N@@>.

/ith a large an$ arie$ e!erience in the )anage)ent an$ !ublication o a!a!er o the class here"ith sub)itte$, an$ "ith the still )ore !ositiea$antage o an 9)!le a!ital to justiy the un$erta&ing, the

PAN4N@@> PA%@54NG >.

> (4 (- > N/ ->3B.

Presents to the !ublic or a!!roal, the ne"

@@A5(39(* 4AD>3>A5 9N* 59(39@

/B@- P9P3.

PAN4N@@>,

(he irst nu)ber o "hich "as issue un$er $ate o 9!r 2.

PAN4N@@> "ill be entirely originalL hu)ourous an$ "itty "ithoutulgarity, an$ a satirical "ithout )alice. t "ill be !rinte$ on a su!eriortinte$ !a!er o siteen !ages siKe 1? by 6, an$ "ill be or sale by allres!ectable ne"sC$ealers "ho hae the ju$g)ent to &no" a goo$ thing "henthey see it, or by subscri!tion ro) this oice.

>3GN9@ 93(@5,

5uitable or the !a!er, an$ >riginal *esigns, or suggestie i$eas or

s&etches or illustrations, u!on the to!ics o the $ay, are al"aysacce!table an$ "ill be !ai$ or liberally.

3ejecte$ co))unications cannot be returne$, unless !ostage sta)!s areinclose$.

(3D5

>ne co!y, !er year, in a$ance < 005ingle co!ies 10 9 s!eci)en co!y "ill be )aile$ ree u!on therecei!t o ten cents.

>ne co!y, "ith the 3iersi$e DagaKine, or any other )agaKine or !a!er, !rice 2.:0, or : :0>ne co!y, "ith any )agaKine or !a!er, !rice, PA%@54NG >.,

No. 8? Nassau 5treet,

P.>. %o, 27?8?, N/ ->3B

(4 D-5(3- > D3. . *3>>*.

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(he Ne" %urlesFue 5erial,

/ritten e!ressly or PAN4N@@>,

%y

>3P4A5 . B33,

o))ence$ in this nu)ber, "ill be continue$ "ee&ly throughout the year.

9 s&etch o the e)inent author, "ritten by his boso) rien$, "ith su!erbillustrations o

15(. (4 9A(4>3'5 P9@9(9@ 35*N 9( %G9*'5 4@@, (BN>3'5 @*5, N/J35-.

2*. (4 9A(4>3 9( (4 *>>3 > 59* P9@9(9@ 35*N, ta&en as he a!!ears+ery 5atur$ay.+ "ill also be oun$ in this nu)ber.

5ingle o!ies, >3 59@ %- 9@@ N/5DN, >3 D9@* 3>D (45 >, 3,H(en ents.

5ubscri!tion or >ne -ear, one co!y, "ith 2 hro)o Pre)iu), to any one "ho "ishes tosee the), in ie" o subscribing, on the recei!t o 5S(- N(5.

9$$ress,

PAN4N@@> PA%@54NG >DP9N-

P.>. %o 278?. 8? Nassau 5t., Ne" -or&.

Geo. /. /heat, Printer, No. 8 5!ruce 5treet.

n$ o the Project Gutenberg %oo& o Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 11, June 11,1870, by Various

N* > (4 P3>J( GA(N%3G %>>B PAN4N@@>, V>@. 1, N>. 11

(his ile shoul$ be na)e$ 7!11110.tt or 7!11110.Ki!orrecte$ *(>N5 o our e%oo&s get a ne" NAD%3, 7!11111.ttV35>N5 base$ on se!arate sources get ne" @((3, 7!11110a.tt

Pro$uce$ by ornell Aniersity, Joshua 4utchinson, 5an$ra %ro"n an$ PG *istribute$

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e%oo&s -ear Donth

1 1671 July 10 1661 January 100 166< January1000 1667 9ugust1:00 1668 >ctober

2000 1666 *ece)ber2:00 2000 *ece)ber?000 2001 Noe)berctoberTNoe)berM000 2002 *ece)ber6000 200? Noe)ber10000 200< January

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9s o ebruary, 2002, contributions are being solicite$ ro) !eo!lean$ organiKations in 9laba)a, 9las&a, 9r&ansas, onnecticut,*ela"are, *istrict o olu)bia, lori$a, Georgia, 4a"aii, llinois,n$iana, o"a, Bansas, Bentuc&y, @ouisiana, Daine, Dassachusetts,Dichigan, Dississi!!i, Dissouri, Dontana, Nebras&a, Nea$a, Ne"4a)!shire, Ne" Jersey, Ne" Deico, Ne" -or&, North arolina, >hio,>&laho)a, >regon, Pennsylania, 3ho$e slan$, 5outh arolina, 5outh*a&ota, (ennessee, (eas, Atah, Ver)ont, Virginia, /ashington, /estVirginia, /isconsin, an$ /yo)ing.

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17?6 Aniersity 9e.>or$, D5 ?8M::C3 PA%@ *>D9N %>>B55(93(/hy is this +5)all Print+ state)ent here -ou &no" la"yers.(hey tell us you )ight sue us i there is so)ething "rong "ithyour co!y o this e%oo&, een i you got it or ree ro)so)eone other than us, an$ een i "hat's "rong is not ourault. 5o, a)ong other things, this +5)all Print+ state)ent

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