A Day in the Life of Matt Haney at WorldAPP

Matt gets to the office and is surprisedto find he is the only one there…

4:30 AM

Where the hell is everyone? Doesn’t anybody else workin this place?!?

A few hours later…

Management MeetingOh for crying

out loud!

I forgot, that’s how we do things around here…

You know, when I was at Fidelity…

I need to figure out how to

delegate this meeting…

What we need is a proper PBX system and to use Microsoft Project

Somebody save

me please…

Matt drinks about 12 cups of coffee and heads in for the Sales Meeting…

Sales Meeting

Guys– why didn’t you call any of your leads yet today?

Don’t you know we pay $450,000 for every student we put on your desk?!

Whoah, whoah Cal – calm down big fella.

The Celtics have been playing all month and besides, the leads are weak…

The leads are weak?!?!?!?!

Actually Cal I haven’t slept all week and I made 6,457 calls. Granted I called the same 3 people but I just got off the best call I’ve ever had…

…the best call…

Wait, I know how toget $10,000,000 inrevenue per day….

I’m an MBA!!!!

Listen guys, this is no time to be joking around.

The dashboard is down and…just look at how serious I am with these glasses ok?

Guys Olga’s right – this is serious.

I’m firing everyone tomorrow.But in case I don’t, Nate how much can you get this month?

Nate?

Hulllooooooo?

…all we need to do is just set up a

simple query on the access

database and then it’ll be easy

to pull using a quick JavaScript…

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

Time to hit the phones…

…right after I check Facebook

…and maybe YouTube

OK, now it’s reallytime to hit the phones…

HELLO!This is Matt Haney calling from WorldAPPwhat do we have to do to get you in a survey software package today?!?!?!

After about 10 minutes

Hey Matt, I need you to hop on a call real quick. This woman says she’s got a huge project.

So we’re looking to switch from a tool called Monkey Survey and go to an Enterprise tool that’s integrated with everything we have and it needs to run on a custom database that my dad built. Also it should automatically know when I want to launch surveys and predict the weather

Oh and we don’t want to pay more than we already do

And we need it tomorrow

Matt talks to Cal and he says…

Of course we can do it!

Olga, let’s spend this before Oleg finds out about it

Ah shit…what have I done.

Zag is gonna kill me…

Matt asks Zag to join a 2 am meeting to scope the solution

I wonder if anyone would suspect me if Matt suddenly disappeared…

Zag tries to figure out how he’s going to tell Nikinov what we’ve

agreed to do…

He decides to let Stan do it…

Кял и Мэтт пообещали клиенту, что мы сможем перестроить мироздание. Бесплатно. Начинаем через пять минут. У Вас есть уникальная возможность поработать 24/7 до завершения проекта.

Поздравляем !

…

Слушай, Игорь, - випей пива. И тебя попустит.

…

Конечно мы это можем сделать. Mы можем сделать все. Особенно невозможное!

Everybody celebrates the crazydecision that was made…

Itchy Bum

Hey, some people just celebrate

differently, OK?

Ok, now back to work…

Next is a meeting with Cal to discuss the vision

Ok, so there’s an army getting the slowest soldier over the hill and then there’s 23 P’s. Oh and don’t forget the war of pixels which reminds me…

Actually Cal, I think it’s pretty simple.

“We Sell Service”

See?

I don’t know Stan,

From the looks of it we are getting

paid to sell subscriptions,

credits and features

Hi guys, may I borrow Matt for a quick discussion over lunch?

Matt and Olga Y. walk downstairs and Olga starts to explain

“……………………………………………………………………………”

Olga tells Matt that Marriott Vacation Club launched to their top members today and when

they did so, instead of getting a link to their survey, they received a link to a naked picture of Obie.

Also, all the responses from the last 2 years were deleted.

Amazingly, the bug somehow also migrated to their legacy system

and deleted the previous 10 years responses as well

…and it blew up the client’s cars

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Thankfully I know just what to do…

So Matt called in his reinforcements

Okay!

We’re in position!

Oh, um actually – pretty much it was just miscommunicated

There’s nothing wrong with the MVCI account at all.

In fact, we built them a plugin to win the lottery every day

Hey, can we get Liam to haul Olga over to stop the civil war that’s about to go down?

Sure thing mate!

Bollucks! This fiddly, mangy git!

Sod off you wonky sack of cack.

Fish and chips.

We’re coming lads!

Although, I don’t know to what end

The US is painfully superior to the UK so I’m not sure what we’ll be able to do.

Tea and Crumpets

Wait! Guys!

It was just a miscommunication

There was an email sent in Arabic from someone’s personal account on Sunday regarding this to the noonegetsthis@worldapp.com email address

Thankfully Olga was able to reach the team before the fighting

began

You know, I bet we could have avoided

all of this if we had a stricter HR policy on sexual harassment

and enforced a business formal dress

code…

Just remember guys:

as long as I’m in charge, this business is to be taken very, very seriously.

Again, reference the glasses if you forget

Guys!

Hey - !

…

You too!?

That’s fine, I’ll just double down on the serious.

Look at that tie clip! You cannot resist us!

OK, OK

Let’s just have fun instead

C Днем Рожденья, WorldAPP! Нам 8 лет.

Happy8th

BirthdayWorldAPP!

With Love,Matty H

My FirstCold Call