healthy self-esteem workshop · discuss the flower of self-worth activity and have the girls fill...

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOPFaune T. Smith, Ph.D., MSCP

Licensed Psychologist

This workshop has been created for use by Young Women or Relief Society Leaders

to facilitate the development of self

It can be a useful activity during Young Women’s Camp or for Enrichment Evenings.

The complete workshop would be about a two hour block but it can be divided into

two activities. For your convenience,

have been shown. The wording in both sections is directed toward young women but is easily

changed to address adult women.

Opening prayer Assign one of the young women to give the opening prayer. Have a Young Woman sing the Introduction: We are excited to spend some time with you with you on helping you get to know and love yourself more as a child of God. Scriptures: In Moses 1:39 we read, “For behold, this is my wor life of man (and women).”

Heavenly Father has also told us, “I will make a (young woman) more precious than fine gold.” (Isa 13:12, 2 Ne 23:12)

♥ We want to know, how many of you feel more precious than fine your life? (Lead a short discussion drawn from some of the young women’s responses) We want to talk and have some fun with you today as we explore howcan feel more precious than fine golwhere you can get to know yourself better and begin to have a better understanding of who you really are. You each have such a unique work to perform for the Lord. Questions and Discussion ♥ What is self-esteem? (thinking you are valuable; feeling like you can make a difference; liking self; feeling capable)

ESTEEM WORKSHOP


ilitate the development of self-esteem in young women or women of all ages.

a useful activity during Young Women’s Camp or for Enrichment Evenings.


For your convenience, suggested divisions for separate workshops

wording in both sections is directed toward young women but is easily

changed to address adult women.

Assign one of the young women to give the opening prayer.

Have a Young Woman sing the first verse of “I am a child of God.”

We are excited to spend some time with you precious young women today and to work with you on helping you get to know and love yourself more as a child of God.

“For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (and women).”

Heavenly Father has also told us, “I will make a (young woman) more precious than fine gold.” (Isa 13:12, 2 Ne 23:12)

We want to know, how many of you feel more precious than fine gold at this point in(Lead a short discussion drawn from some of the young women’s

We want to talk and have some fun with you today as we explore how young women can feel more precious than fine gold. We are going to take you through a process where you can get to know yourself better and begin to have a better understanding of who you really are. You each have such a unique work to perform for the Lord.

esteem? are valuable; feeling like you can make a difference; liking

self; feeling capable)

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esteem in young women or women of all ages.

a useful activity during Young Women’s Camp or for Enrichment Evenings.


suggested divisions for separate workshops

wording in both sections is directed toward young women but is easily

young women today and to work with you on helping you get to know and love yourself more as a child of God.

the immortality and eternal

“I will make a (young woman) more precious than fine gold.” (Isa 13:12, 2 Ne 23:12)

gold at this point in (Lead a short discussion drawn from some of the young women’s

young women ake you through a process

where you can get to know yourself better and begin to have a better understanding of who you really are. You each have such a unique work to perform for the Lord.

are valuable; feeling like you can make a difference; liking

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♥ How do you know you have self-esteem (Usually you like yourself and others; you feel competent to try new things; you can forgive yourself when you fail)

♥ What do you notice about your peers or others who have self-esteem? How do they act or behave— what do they say and do? ♥ What are some of the problems that low self-esteem can create? (Pleasing behavior, lack of communication, addictions including eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, risky behavior)

♥ Do you think Satan wants young women to have positive self-esteem? Why not? Read “If I were Satan” (Found in the workshop packet)

(The objective of the next portion of the workshop is to help young woman understand that true identity and enduring self-worth comes from stages of understanding that can be developed.)

Building Blocks of Identity As each point below is discussed, begin to build the following diagram, beginning with

“Spiritual Base”: (word strips are found in the workshop packet)

(Spiritual Base)

Young women who have positive self-esteem usually have a spiritual base, meaning they have a spiritual view of life and know where they came from spiritually. Quote President Holland said: “%I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality

of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “To Young Women, “ Ensign, Nov 2005, 28-30)

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(Identity) Who am I ? Young women who have positive self-esteem usually know who they are because of their spiritual beliefs. From this, they begin to form their identity. They know they are a child of God. Quote Again, President Holland has said: “%.you, along with all of your spiritual sisters and brothers, have full

equality in His sight and are empowered through obedience to become a rightful heir in His eternal kingdom, an (heir) of God, and joint-(heir) with Christ.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “To Young Women, “ Ensign, Nov 2005, 28-30)

(Beliefs/Values) Why? Young women who have positive self-esteem begin to have empowering beliefs about themselves. They begin to understand that they have an innate value that is independent of what they look like, what they do, or what they achieve. They can identify who they are by discovering the strengths and weaknesses the Lord has blessed them with and they begin to identify and explore their values. Scriptures: The Lord has said in D&C18:10: “Remember, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”

Bro Holland also states: “%a woman, including a young woman, occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “To Young Women, “ Ensign, Nov 2005, 28-30)

(Capabilities) Skills Young women who have positive self-esteem learn skills. They learn to approach their problems, they learn to communicate and they also learn skills such as cooking, hiking, skiing, drawing and other things. ♥ What skills have you developed at this point in your life? (These skills can be listed

under the word strip “capabilities.”)

(Behaviors) Actions When a young woman has a spiritual base, knows she is a child of God, understands her unique strengths and weaknesses and becomes skilled in a number of areas of life, her behaviors are in alignment with who she is. That means she has positive self-esteem and she cares for herself as much as she cares for others. The Lord has told us, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” That means he wants us to get to know who we are and love ourselves. We are all unique and different.

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♥ Do you love yourself? If you have a question about this, all you need to do is get to know yourself better. As we get to know ourselves, however, it is important to separate what we do from who we are. Sometimes we think we are what we do. For example we say, “I am a dancer.” But dancing is what we do. We are able to dance because we are coordinated, have rhythm, can hear the music and can express ourselves through dance. It can be helpful to understand how we are NOT our behaviors. Discuss and Complete the Healthy Self-Esteem Worksheet (Found in the workshop packet)

We want each of you to take some time now to begin to separate some of the things you do from who you are. Complete the left column with a list of things that you do. Then, in the right column, next to each of those behaviors, write some “I AM” statements that are “Who” you are. What allows you to do the behavior on the left? For example, if in the left column you list the behavior, “I dance” then in the right column you could write, “I have rhythm”, “ I am coordinated” and “I am can express myself to music.” (Answer any questions—you may have to explain a couple of the behaviors and “I AM”

statements that go with them. Some in the group may need help with the “I AM” statements if they are younger.)

Discuss some of the responses the young women have come up with. It’s a good thing to understand that we are not our behaviors. This allows us to seek forgiveness for our behavioral mistakes while still holding on to our love of self because we are daughters of God. Instead of saying, “I’m stupid,” we learn to say, “I made some mistakes and with more time I can learn to do better on my next try.”

***NOTE (If you are completing the entire workshop in one session, then continue to the “reading” below. Otherwise you can close this portion and move to the opening of the next portion for the second scheduled workshop.)

Bear Testimony to the truths presented thus far Closing Prayer by a Young Woman

♥ ♥ ♥

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(Beginning of Second Workshop) Opening Prayer Assign one of the young women to give the opening prayer. Musical Selection Ask one or two of the young women to play a musical number using the piano, violin or flute. Introduction: We are excited to continue working with you today on helping you get to know and love yourself more as a child of God.

Reading:

What if flowers were like some women. What if flowers were competitive, didn’t like who they were

and wanted to be like another flower. They may hide their petals, hold back their unique fragrance,

or simply droop to be below the other blossoms. How limited our gardens would appear!!

Thank goodness for the uniqueness and special fragrance of each beautiful flower, sharing with the

onlooker its most radiant “self” without thought of judgment or fear of failing.

There was a certain woman who thought to gaze on a flower for an extended period of time. She

noticed all aspects, details and form of the flower. It was delicate, small, and so alive. It opened

fully to the radiant beams of the sun and swayed gently in the breeze. It freely shared its scent

and delicacy as a flower with anyone who gazed upon it. It never shrunk from view—at all times

it was the very essence of itself, never wavering or doubting it’s ability—but fully expressing its full

potential always, adding to the garden in its own unique way—for as long as it lived.

Dr. Faune

Read the handout, The Flower of Self-Worth (Found under Flower of Self Worth File)

Discussion: Discuss with the girls what stage they believe they are in. Talk about what they notice with their peers, with people in the media and how each stage would bring certain outcomes to a young woman.

Activity: (The pattern for the following activity is found in the Flower of Self Worth File ) Discuss the Flower of Self-Worth activity and have the girls fill it in. Explain that the petals on the flower represent their external qualities. These are the qualities that describe their looks or accomplishments (such as beautiful eyes or hair, good grades, cheerleader, skier, etc). Explain that the core of the flower represents their internal qualities or those qualities that allow them to have produced each petal. Take them through an example of a flower that is complete. (See the completed example in the workshop

packet).

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Have the young women write their external qualities (what they look like, can do, or have achieved) on the petals of their flower. Then have them write their internal qualities on the core of their flower (I AM statements). Have them list five or ten of their values on the back. Also, have them list three weaknesses on the back. After the activity, have a couple of the young women present their Flower of Self-Worth. Discuss what they have identified for their petals and then review some of the core strengths they have identified. Talk about how they have all come up with a different constellation of petals and core strengths, as well as values that are very unique to each one. Scripture: President Holland has said, “I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves Fwe are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self- conscious you give away your power. FThe key to feeling (confident) is to always listen to your inner self—(the real you.)” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “To Young Women, “ Ensign, Nov 2005, 28-30)

Your flower represents a more “real” you. Challenge: Challenge the young women to learn a new skill (within the next three months). They could learn how to swim or dive, learn how to water ski, learn to play the piano or how to bake a cake or bread. They may want to learn how to get along better with someone or how to be more tolerant. You may want to discuss some of the ideas they have if time permits. Encourage them to practice this skill and to notice that as their skills improve how they feel better about themselves. Closing As leaders in the Young Women’s Organization, we love you for WHO you are, not what you have accomplished or what you look like. WHO you are is what is attractive to others including girlfriends, boyfriends and your family. We pray that you will “cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “To Young Women, “Ensign, Nov 2005, 28-30)

Bear testimony to the truths taught in the lesson. Closing Prayer Ask a young woman to give the closing prayer.

Copyright © 2007 Faune T. Smith, Ph.D., LLC

If I WERE SATAN….

I would gain control of gifted, creative, compassionate women in the world. I

would attack the women because then I could destroy the future children and

the family, the backbone of any nation. I would delude female minds into

thinking their worth was th

would promote an attitude of loving material things and using people, instead

of the other way around. I would dupe entire generations of women into

comparing themselves to the illusions portrayed in the med

complete control of the media so that every day I would pollute the thoughts

of women for my agenda. I would promote pornography and violence as art

and entertainment. I would make the female body

fashions which make that statement. I would confuse women into thinking

that glamour is beauty. I would get

models. I would set a standard of thinness as beauty in order to make women

weak. I would make it socially acceptable for a w

through starvation in order to attain society’s ideal for the female form. I

would convince women that their hunger is a sin. I would make life so fast

paced and noisy that there is no time to nourish each other, to play togethe

listen. I would degrade the sacredness of marital intimacy and fidelity. I

would make divorce easy and attractive, even fashionable. I would make it

legal to take the life of unborn babies; I would make it socially acceptable to

mutilate one’s body or take one’s own life.

much as possible, so that the lives of animals are valued more than human

beings. I would promote a culture of perfectionism and competition where

women are taught to feel inferior, guilty and not go

women to compete with each other and to compete with men. I would

persuade women to focus on the god of self instead of their Creator. I would

take spirituality out of the schools and out of the homes and out of the hearts

of gifted, creative, compassionate women. I would leave things pretty much

the way they are.

Written by Kathleen Slade Hofer, ada




thinking their worth was their body, their appearance and achievements. I



comparing themselves to the illusions portrayed in the media. I would have

the media so that every day I would pollute the thoughts


and entertainment. I would make the female body a sex object and promote

make that statement. I would confuse women into thinking

that glamour is beauty. I would get women to worship movie stars and


weak. I would make it socially acceptable for a woman to dishonor her body


would convince women that their hunger is a sin. I would make life so fast

paced and noisy that there is no time to nourish each other, to play togethe




or take one’s own life. I would cheapen human life as



women are taught to feel inferior, guilty and not good enough. I would teach




fted, creative, compassionate women. I would leave things pretty much

Written by Kathleen Slade Hofer, adapted from Paul Harvey

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eir body, their appearance and achievements. I



ia. I would have

the media so that every day I would pollute the thoughts


x object and promote

make that statement. I would confuse women into thinking

omen to worship movie stars and


oman to dishonor her body


would convince women that their hunger is a sin. I would make life so fast-

paced and noisy that there is no time to nourish each other, to play together or




I would cheapen human life as



od enough. I would teach




fted, creative, compassionate women. I would leave things pretty much

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HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM Name: ________________________

Date: ________________________

I DO (verbs) Something that you do

(behaviors)

I AM (nouns) Who you are, independent of

looks or behaviors

e.g. I dance (sing, paint, pet the dog) e.g. I am coordinated (musical, creative, love animals)


THE FLOWER OF SELFAdapted from the Hopeline newsletter written

by Faune T. Smith, Ph.D., MSCP

Stage 1Stage 1Stage 1Stage 1 Young women/women who are in stage one of developing their self

they are with external things. Their self

pleasing other people, getting good grades, looking good, not making mistakes and doing

everything so that it is outstanding and without flaw. Sometim

add more petals such as being skinny, being disciplined in exercise, or having the approval of

their friends and peers.

Petals can become very important to young women/women and they want them to be perfect.

Some young women/women think that their petals determine if others would be attracted to

them or like them, so they work very hard to keep them as special as possible. They panic

anytime one of those petals is pulled off (like if someone got mad at them, or they didn’t lo

good, or a friend didn’t invite them somewhere) because they have nothing in their center.

That means that if something happened to this young woman/woman that caused her to lose

these external sources of worth, she was left with a scary void in her li

Instead of trying to define herself apart from what she did or how she looked or how others

thought she should be, she does the only thing she knows how to do

attractive…she works harder at being perfect. A lot of the time, a y

get very scared and think no one would really like her if they knew who she really was, so she

keeps adding more and more petals, hoping this would make her special enough that people

would notice her and care about her.

Stage 2Stage 2Stage 2Stage 2 In a real flower, the petals are very beautiful and very important, but only because they attract

bees and point them to the center. In the center is the source of new life. It is where the seeds

come from and also the source of nourishment for the flower. L

drop off, the center remains, for it is in the center that the essence of the flower is found.

THE FLOWER OF SELF-WORTH Adapted from the Hopeline newsletter written by Kim Lampson

Young women/women who are in stage one of developing their self-esteem tend

they are with external things. Their self-worth is dependent on their “petals” --


everything so that it is outstanding and without flaw. Sometimes young women/women like to



women think that their petals determine if others would be attracted to


anytime one of those petals is pulled off (like if someone got mad at them, or they didn’t lo



these external sources of worth, she was left with a scary void in her life.


thought she should be, she does the only thing she knows how to do―she tries to be more

attractive…she works harder at being perfect. A lot of the time, a young woman/woman can



would notice her and care about her.

real flower, the petals are very beautiful and very important, but only because they attract


come from and also the source of nourishment for the flower. Long after the petals wither and


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tend to define who

--such as


es young women/women like to



women think that their petals determine if others would be attracted to


anytime one of those petals is pulled off (like if someone got mad at them, or they didn’t look




she tries to be more

oung woman/woman can



real flower, the petals are very beautiful and very important, but only because they attract


ong after the petals wither and


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Young women/women, then, can ask themselves what would make them unique and what

could they contribute to other people if they looked at themselves apart from their

achievements or their appearance. In other words, if you, as a young woman/woman, looked at

yourself naked, stripped of your petals, what would remain? Sometimes young women/women

are terrified with what they see―they see that their center is empty.

So who are you? To find out you must learn to recognizerecognizerecognizerecognize what is already there without passing

judgment…simply stating “WHO AM I”, independent of my looks or achievements.

Stage 3Stage 3Stage 3Stage 3 Now, you may be thinking, yes, it is important to know yourself and fill your center, but a

flower looks a little strange without petals…are petals bad? No, not at all. The flower in Stage

3 has beautiful petals surrounding its center, but the difference is that these petals are

expressionexpressionexpressionexpressions of who you are rather than the determinants of your selfs of who you are rather than the determinants of your selfs of who you are rather than the determinants of your selfs of who you are rather than the determinants of your self----worth.worth.worth.worth. For example, if

you are creative (center) you will be full of new ideas (petals), if you are intelligent (center) you

will thirst after learning (petals), if you are a good listener (center) you will attract others

(petals).

Your petals attract people to your center, to the real you, because they are expressions of who

you are. If you lost your petals tomorrow, you would not lose your identity or self-worth

because you could simply find other ways to express your real self and blossom other petals. So

your petals may change color or shape at different points in your life as you grow and change

or when you encounter new circumstances. When you know who you are (your center) you

can always find new ways of expressing yourself (your petals).

True meaning in life and joy comes from sharing of feelings, hopes, fears, struggles and

expressions of the center of your flower. Knowing that your worth is not determined by your

petals is a wonderful feeling. It frees you to think about other people and to love them instead

of worrying about how you are coming across to them and if they will love you


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References and Helps for the Flower of Self-Worth Sharing Station Books Canfield, A. (1980). Self-Esteem for the Latter-day Saint Woman. Orem, Utah: Randall Publishing Company. Clark, E. (1995). Growing Old is Not for Sissies II, Portraits of Senior Athletes. California: Pomegranate Artbooks. Hawks, S. R. (2001). Making Peace with the Image in the Mirror. SLC, Utah: Book Craft, Deseret Book Company. Jeffers, S. (1996). End the Struggle and Dance with Life. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin. Painter, C. and Valois, P. (1985). Gifts of Age. Japan: Toppan Printing Co., Ltd., Chronicle Books San Francisco.

Articles Jeffery R. Holland, (November, 2005). To Young Women. Ensign, 28-30. J. Reuben Clark, (April, 1940). Conference report, 21.(Tribute to Women of the Church).

Julia DeVillers (September, 2005). Teen People, 104.

Scriptures D&C18:10 Isaiah 13:12 1 Peter 3:3-4 1 Samuel 16:7 2 Nephi 23:12

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Building Blocks of Identity Cut apart for use

healthy self-esteem workshop · discuss the flower of self-worth activity and have the girls fill...

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