here are some words to avoid: do not use them in simple sentences as the main verb

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Joe Bloggs is an average student. He thinks that the following are great sentences, because they use words from the prompt. PROMPT: Convince your parents you need a raise in your allowance. Joe’s sentence: There are several reasons I need more allowance. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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  • Joe Bloggs is an average student. He thinks that the following are great sentences, because they use words from the prompt.

  • PROMPT:

    Convince your parents you need a raise in your allowance.

    Joes sentence:There are several reasons I need more allowance.

  • PROMPT:

    Convince your parents to listen to your music.

    Joes sentence: Mom, there are many reasons you should listen to my music.

  • PROMPT:

    The dropout rate is currently 16. Should it be lowered? Support your answer.

    Joes sentence: The dropout age is too low for several reasons.

  • These sentences are satisfactory, but boring. They use dead words that you should not use in your writing.

  • Here are some words to avoid:

    DO NOT USE THEM IN SIMPLE SENTENCES AS THE MAIN VERB.

  • feelslooksseemsbecomesactsseemsdo/doesis was were are am have

  • For example:

    Dont say: The light was bright.

    SAY: The searing light of the sun stabbed my eyes.

  • The verb stabbed is an action, and it conveys information better than was plus an adjective.

    Additionally, the new sentence gives you a sense of setting and purpose.

  • Look at the following sentence and read the revision.

  • 1.The boy was lonely.

  • Standing at the grave, tears streaming down his sunken cheeks and staining his starched white shirt and tie, the boy remembered what it was like to have someone love him; he knew the sun would never shine again, now that the drunk driver had stolen his mother.

  • This is a better sentence because it uses dependent clauses

    (Standing at the grave, tears streaming down his sunken cheeks,)

    to set the mood.

  • The verbs are actions, not helping verbs:(remembered, stolen,)

  • The reader is given much more information about the why of the loneliness, through the images of the tear-stained tie and the gravesite, along with the universal tragedy of the drunk driver.

  • Look at these revisions for the prompts that Joe Bloggs messed up on:

  • Getting paid for doing your job is good, right? I asked my parents one night after cleaning the toilets in our 2 and bathrooms.

  • Getting allowance teaches you about responsibility and finance.

  • Music is a soothing way to make your body shake and mambo, I told my mother and father.

  • Our generation expresses itself through music.

  • The dropout age is now 16. In the year 2050, if this continues, think how bad a world this will create.

  • Why start a job so early when you have a long life waiting ahead?

  • In these examples, the students begin with questions, change boring dead verbs for living ones, and generally get off to a good start.

  • Read the next few sentences, then revised them, replacing the dead verbs with living ones, creating images that stick with the reader.

  • 1. The field trip was fun.

  • 2. The little girl was sad.

  • 3. The girl in the red dress was happy.

  • 4. My teacher is slightly crazy and lots of fun.

  • 5. My mom is mad at me.

  • 6. My friend is mean to his sister.

  • 7. These sentences are stupid.

  • 8. The calico cat was a nice cat.

  • 9. The little dog with the floppy ears was cute.

  • 10. When I go to my grandparents' house, I am happy.

  • 11. School is sometimes boring.

  • 12. My room is a mess.

  • 13. She is my best friend, and we have fun together.

  • 14. The sky is blue with lots of fluffy clouds.

  • 15. There are nasty brown roaches in my backpack.

  • 16. The classroom was noisy

  • 17. The birthday party was awesome.

  • 18. The skunk is smelly.

  • 19. I am mad today.

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