here i am life is in houston journal

8/22/2019 Here I Am Life Is In Houston Journal

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Do you want me to leave? I said to the guy I was dating.

Just do your own thing, Im not gonna rush you. Maybe you can come after I

get my house and myself situated. I loved my ex, but I wasnt financially stable

enough to stay in Florida by myself, and I didnt feel comfortable staying in the

area he lives in. It wasnt him, it was just the area; I wasnt used to that

atmosphere. So I felt I had no choice but to go with my parents. I didnt know

any of my other family members well enough to stay with them. I thought of

staying with my grandma. I loved her, but she would give me a headache. So I

had no choice but to go.

Ashley, come on and finish getting packed up. All your stuff is not out of the

room yet.

Okay, I said to my mom. I have to talk to you later. I have to finish packing

the last few things, and we are gonna leave, I said to him.

Okay, talk to you later, he said to me.

Bye, I said, and hung up. I finished packing the last few things in the house

we been living in for ten years, and took them to the van. The van was packed

with stuff.


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Well, lets get ready to go, my dad said.

Im so ready to make this move. Dad said its for the best, and a better

opportunity. Since the van was so packed, we had to ride in the back of the

van. We locked the door and hopped into the van. As we took off, I took one

more look at the house; we all did. I couldnt believe this was happening, and at

this time, my life was completely about to change. After a few minutes I began

to get nervous. The couch was hanging right beside us, and it looked like it was

gonna fall. I was thinking it would, because everything was moving

tremendously.

Just relax, my brother Chris said. My parents gave me a little pill to take to

help me calm down, and I completely calmed down a few minutes later. My

sister and I just listened to music while we were on the highway. Drove on the

highway for hours until we took our first break.

1 page

I didnt know how I got here; I didnt know how I came here; oops, that was

through my moms stomach twenty-two years ago. But we all have a purpose

in life. Whats your purpose? Figures, I dont even know mine; but going to


3/27

college is not one of them. Yet theres so much that you can be, dont worry

about what you gonna be, just keep pushing forth. Dont worry about me,

because Im gonna keep moving. Just think of me going from A to Z. I am and

not the same as I came. I woke up today with a new idea and phrase. You can

take a guess at what that is. To start a weekly journal.

Woke up today around noon; the sun was shining. What a beautiful day, I

thought, but the past few days have all been. Makes me want to step outside

and take a walk, but then, thats what I do. About to have my first day at DSW

shoe store today. Dont know if Im excited or not. I never thought it would

have turned out like this a year ago. But here I am. Have no choice but to work

here until things get better. Thats whyI say, keep pushing forth. Im happy to

see another day. Every day is another day to set new goals, another day to

achieve those goals and see where it takes you. Its still so early in the day, I

think I will just listen to some music and just keep writing until I get closer to

the time to get ready. But until then, I think I will just chill. Wish me luck the

rest of today.

Part 2


4/27

Today has been a bit much, working part time at two jobs. You work hard, you

play hard. Feeling so happy to get off, lifting boxes left and right, fixing them

whatever way they go so they can be straight. So happy to be off now, can

relax and just do me. I can write this journal to you now made of my life. Still

thinking of which publishing company to go with; I guess you never know. But I

feel I should take a risk without paying any money. Been thinking about this for

weeks. But my mind is playing tricks on me. Lucky thing I can talk to my parents

to level-head me more. My mind is a little made up with this one company,

eitherone could suit me. Pray for me because Im gonna choose one the next

time I write in my journal on-screen.

Here I Am Poem

Here I am, wondering about all these decisions, cant keep it off my mind, cant

seem to shake it. Wondering which company is best for me; one company

would lead the way. One will hinder me, but most of them will do me. Here I

am, lost inside my own mind, praying please let me make the right decisions.

But there is no right decision; its what suits me. I want to be far off from

where I am now in the future. Here I am, standing the ground on my own two


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feet. Working to be free. Here I am, in the mood before it begins. Here I am, in

a good mood just thinking about it. Here I am, just goggling me. Here I am,

going to take this next step next week or the following week. This could

change my life. Here I am, guilty as the sunset, true as can be. Here I am, just

trying to keep up with me, and no one else. Here I am, trying to outdo me. Here

I am, feeling as free as I want to be, just writing. Here I am, feeling as beautiful

as can be. Here I am, just being me. Here I am, just going to find me.

Part 3

Laying in my bed now, listening to music, happy Im off today. Been working

like a dog the past few days. Time to write to you, time to do my writing. Have

been sleeping today to the late afternoon, had to get recharged. Gonna spend

this day relaxing, oops, I still need to clean up. So happy Im off, extra-excited

to do this. Makes me feel so me and used. Finally made a decision which

publishing company Im gonna go with. Took some time, but finally thought

enough on it. Now Im waiting to hear from them to do the next step. Lets see

what happens; kind of nervous, dont know if its gonna turn out good or bad,

successful or not. Whats gonnacome out of this, I wonder? Hope its good.

Have my reasons why I went with the company I did. Whether it turns out good


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or not, Im just gonna keep going because thats whats in me, and a part of

who I am.

Part 4

Im writing this journal to you now, and I am so tired now. I just got

off of work. All I have been doing is working. Now I dont have any me time.

Feel like Im losing my identity; dont have time to do the things I really want to

do. Work, work, thats all its been lately. All work and no play. Too tired to do

anything else extra. Feel like quitting, but need the money. Got to keep going

no matter how hard times get. My left eye and feet are swollen; dont think I

can go to work tomorrow. This is really putting a hold on me; need days off to

recharge.

Part 5

Been off for three days, had time to relax. Feeling like Im recharged, had time

to do some writing. Production of my poetry book is getting made on

PublishAmerica; never know how thats gonnaturn out. Dont care if it sells big

or not, Im just so proud of it because I feel Im one step closer to my dream,


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and Im happy about the work I made. This is a new step for me, I feel. But so

much is happening and changing. Now my family has just been in a car accident

and about to move. Dont know where we are moving yet or which way we

gonna go. Family in a hole need extra help; seems like we are always in a hole.

Hope things get better. Will always help family and need them. But puts me a

step behind for what I was trying to do. Oh well, just do it when I can. So much

I want done, and not much I want to do. Woke up early today and ready to

start the day, never know whats gonna happen in this day.

Check out my new poetry book on PublishAmerica online:

http://www.publishamerica.net/product50447.html

Hey! Hey, whats up? he said, as I looked at my phone and replied. It was a

month later, and I still talked to him about every two days.

We need to have a talk later on today, I said to him. I havent found a job yet,

but I wasnt panicking yet, because we were still getting settled in. I was pretty

much in the apartment most of the time, and very relaxed. Things will get

started real soon, I thought. My mom was the only one working at this time, so


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money was tight. Everyone was trying to get a job, but it didnt happen that

quickly. I watched TV for a while and decided to go outside and explore. It was

a nice neighborhood, and the area was mixed with different cultures. It was a

nice day outside; pretty hot, though. Later on that day I spoke to Broner about

being together, and what were going to do. I wanted to be with him and give

our relationship a chance and start over.

Look, I love you. I dont want you to be with anyone else. But Im gonna have

to get things in order for me. We will see, and we dont know what the future

will bring. Just do your own thing for now, he said again.

Well, Im not gonna set here and wait on you when I dont know if we will end

up together, I said to him. I think we need space, I said to him too.

Youre giving up that easily? he said to me.

No, you just dont want to be with me, and Im not gonna wait on you like I

did with the last guy; Im too young for that. We just need some space. Im not

saying we will never talk again.


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Fine, he said. We said our goodbyes, and we hung up. After I hung up, I went

to my room and cried and cried in my bed. I hated to do that; it killed me inside.

I cried for almost two hours straight, until I fell asleep.So much in my head, so much on my mind now. Cant focus on anything now,

my nerves are shot. Continually got someone yelling at me, getting on me

about this and that. In a mess; room dont feel neat, dont feel like I can

breathe, got to get away, need to do me, but trying to help stay in peace. Mom

is yelling because she is stressed out. Have to go to work soon, dont know

what to do till then. Want to relax and do so much but cant. Would someone

please help me and tell me what to do?

Part 7

I just dont know what to do, what to do, what to say. Want to make a name

for myself as an author, but not happening. Now got to find a way or another

way. Its hard, but I have to keep breaking down doors. Want everything to

happen, but nothing I really want is happening now. Do you feel me? When is it

gonna be my time to shine? Or maybe Im shining now, but too blind to see. No,

if that was the case I would be happier, and things would be better. Every day I

think about this, during work, when I lay down, when Im on the phone, its just


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me, wondering away. So excited just to get a start, and what I want and sail

from there. But got to wait to the day. Miss Florida, miss the name of the

street, miss the man I met, but thats all in the past. Supposed to be asleep

now, just got off work not that long ago, cant because want to write this

journal to you and think of the next step to do.

A few days later - Problems have just gotten worse in the family. Family is really

going through it. Wish I could make it better. You try to take a step forward

and life knocks you back ten steps. Family has been trying to do better for a

while now, but hasnt completely got there yet. I want to do something about

it but cant now. For the last two days, every time I lay down, I feel sad.

How do you lift someone up when they are down? How do you cheer them up

when everything is going wrong? How do you make them happy when they just

lost a lot of money? How do you encourage them to keep going when

everything they try is not working? How do you make them feel like times will

get better when they have had nothing but bad times? How do you not be sad

when your whole family is sad now? How can you make this better for them if

youre not financially right? Is there a way?

Part 8


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Cant concentrate because of everything in front of me. I have to suffer

because you are and I live with you. How unfair is that? Phone has to go off

because I gave the money to you to help you. Sometimes helping someone all

the time backs you up on what youre trying to do, and Im expressing that

now. Times are getting harder and harder and getting worse by the day. We

are still blessed, but I wish that everything was better. Family has been going

through this for years, and even Im getting sick of it. Want to get away from

and out of this situation. I know where to start from, but is it gonna work? Is it

gonna take forever? Am I gonna spend years trying? Scared of that. Cant ask

no friends for help, or dudes. One thing for sure I want is to not go through this

when Im older. Mind is everywhere else, cant keep it in one place. Dont want

to think about the things I should have done when I was younger. Im gonna do

it all now and make it happen. Phone is gonna go off in a few hours, no more

hope for now, it is just what it is. Cant go to work my second-to-last day, too

much on my mind, not all there. Mind is somewhere else; cant do the time, can

barely move in the right direction. Im so consumed with it, worrying and

wondering about the future. You dont know howimportant it is to me. Im

right by my side, helping myself; gonna make it on my own.


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A day later Ashley, what is more important; having your phone on, or having

lights? Thats a part of being an adult; now you see what we go through. We

are trying our best, but you just have to live with it for now. Want to run away,

want to run away from this situation. Getting so sick of this, makes me sick to

my stomach. Hate being in this position, and its not really me. Just caught in a

bad situation with family, but got to ride it out with them. In another world at

work; can barely focus. Everyone is asking me whats wrong, but dont want to

talk about it. Feel mad and upset, worrying I am gonna be the same way. Just

got off work a while and all I want to do is write.

Next morning, something told me to relax. Something told me things arent as

bad as it seems. Something told me to be happy I have family and Im a healthy

person. God is telling me Im worried and stressed about nothing; its all in His

hands. Stop stressing about the same old thing, and just start over.

Friday morning

Moods are swinging.

Moods are coming and going, turning all types of ways. Dont know if Im

happy or sad; all I know is Im missing something. Something that brings the


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spark to my fire. Maybe Im homesick. Maybe I just need you or him. Maybe Im

so eager to get my life straight. See, I dont even know what it is, but its

something. Missing half of my heart, missing that special beat that makes me

smart, Ive got so much else to do but cant do it all at once. Missing the days I

went through, missing the sound of you. Mood swing wanting to hit this off,

cant wait to write to you, got so much in my head but cant let it all out at

once. Every day is a new experience, a chance to learn something else, a

chance to discover a new you. Just look at your horoscope, and it will tell you

something new.

Part 9

At my aunties house, really pissed off. Pissed off at what he said to me, how

dare he! Im not keeping you from anything, and I know what we have and

what we will always have, starting now. I have been a good friend to you any

possible way I can. What you said really stabbed me, and Im through with the

closeness. I dont need any dude now or man; I have other important things to

worry about. Im worried about being successful in life and about my future. I

dont need you as a best friend; you act like youre interested, then the next

minute you turn around saying were not like that. I didnt call your phone


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today, you called me. You call me more than I do you. But thats gonna end

today, because I know how to cut someone off and out of my life if it gets

there. Just gonna go to work and forget about this.Part 10 Journal

It has only been a day and Im already missing the sound of you. I thought I

could do it, but I have to release from you. Deep inside I want to be close to

you. Over at my familys house thinking about you and my ex, too, and the old

days. Want things to be totally different, but its just the way they are now.

Sitting up here after watching a movie; got to write this to you. So mixed up in

my feelings, this is the only way I can get through and let it all out, because I

cant say it to him, only to you. Its just not the time. But I do know what time it

is, just hit afternoon this day. Want my friend, want my friendship to last

forever, want you knowing I want to be close to you but cant, so I tell you

something different. So many things are happening, but more is changing as

the days pass. Cant keep up, but Im on the ride. Later on that night - Up late at

night looking for a job. Cant stop obsessing about it. Got to find something

better soon. Looking and applying for hours until I fall to sleep right there.

Representing Myself Poem


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Representing myself, worrying about me. Thinking about myself, no guy can

stay in my mind, its all about me, and needs to be that. Focus on all of my

attention. Cant break my spine, Im a solider and ready to go. Want to stay

strong. No matter how hard times get, Im gonna meet my goal. I can take

myself and how I come. I can make my rain turn into sunshine all alone. I can

turn myself on in each way and teach myself. Representing for my life and

what goes on and happens in it. Dont need no other person, definitely no

man. I will be okay without them. Let them come when they come; until then,

Im riding solo. Its only me in this big, lovely house. I can only drive myself

crazy and put myself down. Me and my family is all I need; all the outsides can

leave if they arent truly down with me. Worrying about my next step, my

next task in life. What else to accomplish? I want to set in the front row later

on in life, be ahead of the game, and Ive got to do that by doing things my

way and worrying about only me. I represent independent women around the

world who are gonna go out and get it.

Hours later - Just got back home from work thought of a new book title the

perfect title but cant say now so many thoughts come into my head when Im

just around or working. It comes like one, two, and three. Cant wait to get my

note book back so I can continue my previously book. Also thinking


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differently now, wanting to live more, thinking about all the fun things I want

to do and how to get there. Thinking something has to work out, want to

review the world and check it out. Want to explore, want to see things, thats

why I got to get it together now, want to take vacations.

A day later - got off from work at ten. My family finally moved into our new

apartment; so happy to be in our own place again and out of our aunties

house. Even though I enjoy spending time with my family, my little cousins

are hard to deal with. They are little kids and act like they are old teenagers.

Sometimes I want to slap them silly. Cant be around them too much, too

much for me to handle. Like being there, but I want my own. Being there

makes me think about my future house and how I want it to be. I still want

one by twenty-six; have to push to make that happen. The apartment is like

five minutes away from where we used to live if you keep going straight

down, and less than five minutes away from my auntie Sophias; never lived

so close to her in my life. The apartment is different from the one before; you

would know what I mean if you could see it. The room is a little more spacious

than the last one.


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A few months have passed and I still havent heard from my ex. I still thought

he would have contacted me by now; maybe not right away, but in a few

weeks. I really miss him so much, plus I was homesick. I didnt expect to move

to Texas; I didnt want this. I havent landed a job yet, even though I went on a

few interviews. Things were still tough with my family, even though it has

gotten a little better, slowly. My dad got a job. All I had here was my family,

and I was glad to have them, but it wasnt enough. I didnt have any friends

here still. I wasnt able to sleep at night. So I would try to keep my mom up

with me. My anxiety has gotten worse. I never, ever suffered with anxiety as

much as I did now. It was really affecting me.

Part 11

Three things I can live without, but cant go without:

Need a phone to talk to them, miss them every day, wondering what they are

doing. So used to talking to them occasionally. Dont know what I would do if I

dont hear their voice for a while. Have new things to say almost every day and

cant say it all to my parents. Need a new response. How can I stay in contact

with them when they are so far away unless I have a phone? We are in today

time, not back-in-the-day time. So I need a computer, need to keep up with the


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new news out online every day. So many times I need the computer, its

ridiculous to go without. Trying to become more of a known author and what

better way to research that than the internet? What better way to find

upcoming interviews or new publishing companies to publish my book? I can

go by word of mouth and ask people, but that gets tiring quickly, and

everybodys story is different; what works for them may not work for you. At a

temporary job and need to find something better. Have to look on the internet;

most good jobs in this day and age have their applications on the internet.

Need the internet for that. Also want to watch my favorite updated videos of

singers and rappers. If you missed it on TV, go online for it. Music is the last; I

go through quite a bit of up and down emotions, and I use music to calm me

down. I love to listen to soul or R&B music when Im down or need to relax.

Music is a part of me, and in me. I cant go that long without it. These are things

I need but really can do without, got to get over it to do without it someday.

Part 12 Down low for days, sad and maybe depressed, and dont know why. I

think I may have a clue, but is that really it? Havent told anyone, but

sometimes you can see it all over my face. Things are just totally different and

not what I expected, but its life. Cant really express myself, thats why I do it

on paper. Looking forward to something new each day, but the same things


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seem to occur most of the time. Looking and looking, trying and trying, but

nothing has changed so far. Its just the way it is, and I need a break; dont

want to think about it now anymore. It makes me feel down low, low like Im

not moving steady, but I really am. Prayed on it and prayed on it, hoping it gets

better. Dont really have a reason to be sad, but somehow I am.

Still early in the day today, 2/12/13, watching my baby cousin. Love to be around

here. Decided to help my auntie, need the extra money to do what I got to do.

Decided to start on a new book thats been in my head for weeks.

Later in the day - Someone told me at work today that I have all these good

qualities and theyre surprised I have no one. I seem to get that a lot and dont

understand why. I have already been thinking about that for a few days now.

Its been a while since I can say I have had a mate, and Im still so young.

Starting to think, what is the problem; is it me? Or do I just need to start going

out more? The second one is true.

Part 13 Every day is a new day. Trying and trying is all Im trying to do. Dont go

out much, hoping I can score each day. The last few days have been pretty nice;

hoping to have plenty more to come. Cant come out with a journal book now

because it doesnt feel complete. Something in my life feels like Im missing


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something. Its been feeling like that for a while. Dont know how to shake it

off, but I just get in these moods. Today is 2/2/13; its 12:50 a.m., and Im up

typing and talking to my good guy friend, Chuck. Thinking about a whole lot;

mind is always wondering. Waiting for something to happen, for something big

to happen that will change my life and make it better.

Waking up late today, Im realizing a lot. Need to let go, need a break. Starting

to understand what I need to do more and more, and the stuff Im not ready

for. I was feeling homesick, but Im realizing this is where Im supposed to be. I

want a mate, but not ready for and havent found the one. More focused on

getting off the ground, thats all that matters now. But no matter how hard I

try now Waiting on my financial award, waiting for the time it goes up.

Feeling low some days, but something always brings me up and lets me know

to keep going, no matter how hard times get. The last few days have been

really good. Starting to feel closer to things, but in the process, doing a lot of

thinking.

3/6/13: What a day, what a day. Things can change in your life just like that.

Need to make one of the hardest decisions in my life now. Do I think I can do


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this health job, or is it just too much? I dont know; I want to be honest with

myself on what I can and cant do, but I also dont want to be afraid to take

risks and new opportunities because Im scared of what the outcome is gonna

be, or whats gonna happen. Its a hard decision. Im thinking of all the goods

and downfalls. I dont want to keep putting myself in the same situation and

being fired, had enough of that for now. Just want a job to see what Im really

made of and the positive in me and that Im a hard worker. What should I do?

Im thinking about it now and later, but dont have forever to make up my

mind, time is ticking.

Part 15 Got off from work like two hours ago and decided to do some writing.

Wanted to do a lot of writing in my notebook tonight but dont feel like it.

Taking my time writing my mystery book because I want it to be very good.

Dont see myself becoming a known author right now, so why keep rushing,

coming out with another book? Id rather take my time. Sometimes I feel like I

should come out with this journal, and sometimes I dont. A part of me feels

that nobody would read it unless it was free or I was a known author. But its a

creation I started, and I feel I should finish. I already put my life out there to the

world how it is now. While Im sitting here typing my thoughts, I wish someone

could text or call me. I wish an unexpected person could out of the blue; it will


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make me extra happy. My good guy friend is out with his girlfriend now so I

cant talkto him at the moment. We are so close. I just decided Im not gonna

keep texting these guys and calling them. There are so many more important

things I have to worry about other than guys. I dont even feel Im meant to

have a boyfriend now, because something is not right lately when I have been

meeting guys. Its not me; they just want sex, or Im too good for them. But

lately its always been something, to the point I dont feel I should worry now. I

will let it happen when it does. Made up my mind today if I was gonna accept

the job or not, but now Im waiting to see if they are gonna accept me. But

have to keep moving on until someone says yes; cant worry about it. I started

this journal to express feelings I cant say to people because I feel they dont

understand, or I know what my family would say. Theres just some thoughts

you keep personal.

It kind of gets to me that not one person has bought my poetry book yet. It is

such a good book and is all over the internet, but no one notices or has bought

it. Am I not good enough? Or should I just go another way? It seems like not

one of my dreams are coming true now, and if they do, it will be a while. Is

PublishAmerica ripping me off? I dont know, but something has to change. No


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one, no one at all, has ordered my kids book. I have to go another way and

keep trying stuff.

Sometimes I wonder if I was in the same state would it be different; it probably

would just be the same. This is the way it was meant to be.

Time had gone by and things got a little better for a short period of time. I was

feeling a little down about my situation still. I finally got the job I wanted, and

got fired a week later because I wasnt keeping up. Feeling low, feeling like a

failure. But I had to get back up. I found another job shortly after that, but not

in the field I wanted it to be in. It was hard, and like you were working like a

slave. I didnt like what I was doing, so while I was working, I was still filling out

apps for my dream job. This job was just not enough; you had to work too hard

for the little money you were making, and it was labor work. I searched and

searched, and before I can find another job in health care, I got fired from this

one. What a blamer mouth, I thought about the assistant manager. I didnt stay

down for long. A few days later I got a call from a doctors office I applied for

and went on an interview. I was so happy, especially when they agreed to hire

me. It was something about me that made them want to give it a try. My first


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and second day there was not much; I had learned a few things, and it was

good.

Another step back

Two weeks later I was doing what I could, trying to keep up and learn as much

as I could. But I was scared of what they were thinking. The last day I was

there I brought the wrong customer in the room. I called her name three

times, and she thought it was her. By the time we got into the room, I

realized that was the wrong customer. The other medical assistant that

had been there clearly longer than I had told me that was her patient,

and my mistake. I messed up bad, and didnt try to. The workday kept

going and I just continued doing what I was doing until the end of the

day. When one of the doctors called me in the office at the end of the

day, my heart was beating a mile a minute. I thought it was gonna come

through my chest.

Ashley, I just want to cut to the chase. What you did was very dangerous to

our patients, and we dont trust you. We think you would be better off

with a slower-paced doctors office, or maybe being an aid. I tried

explaining myself, but it wasnt working. So I just stopped talking, and let


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myself out when he was done talking. I was so embarrassed, and felt so

low. I just walked out of the office with my head down, trying not to be

noticed. My dream kept getting scattered. I hated to have to tell my

parents this again. I felt like a true failure. I was beyond sad, and kept

finding myself in the same positions.

I know you must be frustrated, Ashley. If it were me, I would, too, my mom

said. My family tried to make me feel better, but it wasnt helping at the

moment. They liked the fact that I always tried so hard. You will find the

right doctors office or healthcare place thats right for you to work at,

she said to me. It will be okay, she said, while hugging me. I still

couldnt help but feel low.

Part 16 Got off work late tonight, had to close the other nights, too. I want to

go home and start writing in my mystery book but too tired. Not in the mood

now; cant think straight. Been bending down so much Im feeling dizzy. I need

to hurry up and get home. Few hours later - its hard for me to write now

because I still feel Im in the same boat, but it is how it is. I refunded some

shoes; I just wanted to pay my phone bill. I wasnt making enough money to do

much to get off my feet. I havent been able to buy myself much lately. It


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seems Im always returning something I bought, but my family says I dont

manage my money right. Maybe theyre right, because I want everything up

front.Realization

I had got on something to control my anxiety since it was through the roof. I

was coming to grips with everything. As time kept passing by, I had to move

on. I was thinking about him less and less as the days went by. But it was time

for me to move on with my life and stop thinking about the past. Its all about

the present now, and its a new day. After a few months, I finally got another

job. It wasnt in my field, but I just had to deal with it until I find something

better. Had to make do with it. I was making short- and long-term goals. A lot

of things I was planning didnt work out for now, but that was life, and in my

life, nothing seemed it was gonna come easy. I was trying to take it one step at

a time. I wasnt nearly where I wanted to be, but I was trying. I was finally

making a couple of friends in Texas, and slowly improving my dating life. As

time went by, I figured out more and more what I wanted to do, and came up

with something new. I also couldnt wait to start selling my books. As I was

writing this, I was wondering; was it good? But it was the battle of my life, and


27/27

whether people liked it or not, I was putting this out there for the world to see

and read about my life.

Present last entry

I just got off work a few minutes ago. I still was at the job I didnt want to be at

weeks later. It seemed I always had to go back to the jobs I didnt want to be

at. But it was a good job for now. I was on another goal, which was to get my

own ride to drive in, so I can feel more free and able to move up. I was trying to

make progress in my life, and thats all that mattered. I had become interested

in baking and making desserts, doing things I never thought I would be

interested in. My days of thinking about him werent over, but I really was

moving on until I got a message from him. To be continued.

here i am life is in houston journal

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