Now against my wishesHere

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Here now against my wishes

What I seeIs what I seeBeneath it allIt is only that and nothing more

A small green stoneTouched and then touchesBut not the wayI see it is really nothing more

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Here now against my wishes

It doesn’t matterWhat I wantFor what I seeIs not that, it is nothing more

Some say simplicityOthers call it complexityMy heart beats repeatelyNo one hears it but me

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Here now against my wishes

How to empty and grow beyondLeave that stone aloneHanging touched without moreWill I then see nothing more

Fulfilled is an emotionWorthy and yet notToo much and yet so littleGiving yet not given is there nothing more?

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Here now against my wishes

Go, no stayIs there a differenceMy heart and breath say yesAnd yet the answer may well be

not

Close my eyes See with my heartPolish the small green stoneSee the light trulyThere is nothing more

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Here now against my wishes

Hardest jade hiding the warmthIts cool touch appealingReplacing love removing expectationsI see once more, it is nothing more

Can’t or even should I Seek to love and shineYes if done without expectationThen it is fine

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Here now against my wishes

It is really only a stoneGreen cool smooth to the touchTouching youThat is all and ever should be

Then one day soonI will be goneBut then so will youThat too it should be And nothing more

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Here now against my wishes

My heart stopped beatingI no longer seeNor touch nor feelThat small green cool polished stone

I wish I had lived my life Now that I lie here ready to departThis time was brief and quickly passedAs if my eye only blinked

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Here now against my wishes

That breath I first took Seems long agoMy mother, my father lay and stood nearbyWhilst I cried and cried

My body covered then in thePurest white fat of birthStretched and struggled in recognitionThat my life had then joined all others

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Here now against my wishes

Held and holding tooMy voice screamed while myLegs and arms flailed awaySeemingly uselessly yet building

life’s strength

Oh Mama what have I doneTo push my way hereAway from your living and loving

wombInto this bright light of what is

now life

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Here now against my wishes

Where am I now Hearing faint sounds that obstructWhat until now I have always

knownThe beating of your heart and the

gurgling of your womb

I don’t want to be hereNot in this foreign placePlease oh please I want only to

returnTo your loving warm secure embrace

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Here now against my wishes

Now, you say smilingDearest you are now freeTo grow explore strengthenAnd fill your life and more

Oh why oh why my heart beatspainfully

Do I fear this life I now faceNo in fact I see and hear nothingNothing that offers solace beyond

your embrace

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Here now against my wishes

Now I begin to feelA quickening emptiness Compelling more fears and criesEven as I first smell your loving

happiness

What is that what is thisAn oder a fragrance strange and

compellingFills my being offering nourishmentOffering solace and your love

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Let me be with you forever

Please