14 | OLAM | APRIL 22, 2016

F E A T U R E

“And don’t forget to bring rain gear!” Pere l ’ s mother paused. “Do your

kids even have raincoats? Or boots?”

“Yes, Mom. It rains in Cali-fornia. Sometimes.” Then Perel realized that Zevie had grown out of his boots. And Batsheva had lost her jacket last month.

She was about to say good-bye when her mother added, “And please don’t fight with your

brother while you’re here.”Perel groaned. “It’s not me!”“Perel –” Briefly, Perel wondered

whether her mother had had this same conversation with Asher. It would only be fair. It really was his fault. Instead of arguing, Perel replied, “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I ask.”“Anything else?”“No, honey. We’ll see you

tomorrow night.”Excitement replaced Perel’s

annoyance. “Can’t wait! Love you!”

When she hung up the phone, she turned around and saw her husband standing in the door with a load of laundry. The fresh scent of dryer sheets drifted to her nose. Crossing the room, Perel reached for a shirt to fold.

Naftoli put down the basket. “Why do you hate your brother?”

“Thanks for eavesdropping.”“It was hard not to overhear.”

He found two matching socks and began to roll them together.

“You’re avoiding the ques-tion.”

Perel put the folded shirt on a chair. “Hate is too strong a word.”

“Fine. You don’t like him. Why? I know he’s not easy to get along with, but…”

“You didn’t grow up with him.”

“Fair enough.”“And he doesn’t boss you

around.”Naftoli’s gaze narrowed.

“He’s tried. But he never got far, so he’s given up.”

“See?”Sighing, Naftoli tossed anoth-

er pair of socks onto a growing pile. “Fine. Can you finish folding these? I’ve got to pack my bag.”

* * * The next morning, Perel was

pouring the last of the chometzdik cereal for six-year-old Yoni when she heard a shriek from upstairs. Frantic footsteps stomped down the stairs a moment later.

“You!” thirteen-year-old Bat-sheva shouted as she chased Zevie into the kitchen. “You beast!”

He ran ahead, laughing. “I was just trying to help.”

“What’s going on here?” Perel asked.

Anger had flushed Batsheva’s face. “That little monster lied to me!” She snatched at Zevie’s arm.

Stepping between them, Perel asked, “Zevie, would you like to explain?”

“Last night, you kept remind-ing us to get up early so we’ll be ready for our flight this afternoon.

And we all know that Batshe-va always oversleeps.”

“Do not!” she shouted.“Shah!” Perel said. Turning

back to Zevie, she said, “Please continue.”

He shrugged. “I set her alarm for 8 a.m.”

Something puzzled Perel. “It’s only 7:28 right now.”

“That little twerp set my clock ahead by a whole hour!” Batsheva shouted. At the table, Yoni snick-

lost my file.” Soon after the accident, Rab-

bi and Mrs. Hoffman built a modified apartment for Yehosh-ua in the back of their house, anticipating he would be there permanently. The new Hoff-man couple moved in, making a closet into a kitchen and creating a more fitting environment for a couple. Elisheva worked in a Montessori school while Yehosh-ua learned in kollel and started speaking to groups about living in a wheelchair. Two years later, they moved into an apartment that had been made wheelchair accessible.

The first four years of their marriage were without children; they used the time to build a deep relationship and create a system that helps them function.

Happiness and tragedy vis-ited them again in 2012 – Eli-sheva gave birth to twin girls

five weeks early. The tiny babies were rushed to intensive care where, unfortunately, one died two weeks later.

Yehoshua recalls, “We went straight from the hospital to the cemetery and buried Rivka Chaya in the dark of night. It was hard.” Elisheva returned from the hos-pital with just one baby, Ahuva Nava. By the time she turned two, the Hoffmans were blessed with

another set of twins: Nechemia and Rena.

Yehoshua has learned to drive himself wherever he needs to go. Working towards finishing his PhD in clinical psychology at the University of Denver, as well as teaching boys and inspiring Yid-den around the world, he is doing what he loves. Elisheva is too – she is now a full-time mother.

It is rare for a couple to marry after such a life-changing ac-cident, aside from nurses who have been known to marry their patients. It was certainly unheard in the Jewish religious world, un-til recently. The Hoffmans know of another religious couple like them who are planning to mar-ry; Elisheva and Yehoshua have offered them wishes and advice. They know that the secret of building a home is not the ramps, space, aides and a car; ultimately it is the relationship – and they are

planning on making theirs work for an eternity.

Oh, in case you were won-dering, Mrs. Hoffman’s bracha to me came true. The next young man suggested to my daughter

became her husband. May both couples be blessed with simchas, nachas and good health.

ELISHEVA’S MESSAGE

When Yehoshua proposed he asked me, “Would you like to be my partner for this life and forever?” Marriage is so much

more than getting the top guy, an apartment, or getting someone whom you will feel proud being near when others pass. Marriage is building something much bigger; stepping back and look at life in broader strokes.

So many times I hear the pettiness when it comes to shidduchim: no red hair, tall, blond, thin, blue eyes, absolutely details that have nothing to do with a marriage. Look at your values. What are your goals in a marriage? What tools are you bringing in the marriage?

A couple needs to have a similar vision, enough attraction to want to be with each other, and they need to see each other as beautiful – inside and out.

Like my mother told me, my husband has a broken body but has an amazing soul; that will never change. When a person marries there are no guarantees, but if you have the same goals, the same thinking, then really nothing will change.

I don’t think everyone could marry a quadriplegic, but I do believe people are close-minded and don’t consider options that are slightly out of their comfort zone. I know of a couple who are having difficulties. When they got married she saw a boy who finished Shas, and he saw a beautiful girl with an apartment – is that enough to make a marriage? Were they compatible? Did they have the same dreams?

I give a bracha that people who are looking will find their bashert, their real soulmate.

Mom’s Request