hope for healing mens life plan journal

8/9/2019 Hope for Healing Mens Life Plan Journal

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Hope for Healing

The Life Plan Journal

Lesson One: The Recovery Journey

Take notes to help you remember each of your group members.

Group Leader:

Mentor:

Group Members:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

.

!.

".


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Reflection questions:

1. #o you ha$e any %uest&ons about the 'ourse 'ontract(

2. )hat e*pectat&ons do you ha$e personally for the +ope for +eal&ng

course(

3. )h&ch of the ,eco$ery -rom&ses e*c&te you the most(

ou /&ll see God take the /orst th&ng that has e$er happened to you and

make &t the best.

ou /&ll f&nd ne/ pass&on for l&fe and hope for the future.

our l&fe /&ll make a profound d&fference &n the l&$es of others.

ou /&ll lose your regrets and become a l&berated person at peace /&th

your memor&es.

4. )hat hes&tat&ons do you ha$e about 0ournal&ng( #oes anyth&ng about

0ournal&ng e*c&te you(


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Hope for HealingThe Course Contract

s a part&c&pant &n the +ope for +eal&ng program agree to:

1. 'omm&t to attend all 1! sess&ons of the +ope for +eal&ng course.

These sess&ons bu&ld on one another so dont m&ss any of the sess&ons. can almost guarantee you that at some po&nt &n th&s process you /&ll feell&ke %u&tt&ng. #ont do &t +onor your comm&tment and then &f you feelthere &s no benef&t you can go back to your old /ays after the 1! /eeksare complete.

2. -art&c&pate &n the group d&scuss&ons each /eek.

ou may f&nd top&cs d&ff&cult to d&scuss but your comm&tment to totalhonesty /&ll help you and &t /&ll help others &n your group. +alf6hearted/ork /&ll a$a&l you l&ttle. 'hange comes through honesty /&th self andothers.

3. Make da&ly entr&es to the +ope for +eal&ng ema&l group.

t &s &mposs&ble for human be&ngs to 7th&nk8 the&r /ay &nto a ne/ /ay ofl&$&ng. nstead /e ha$e to 7l&$e8 our /ay &nto a ne/ /ay of th&nk&ng. ourda&ly entr&es are a means to da&ly recal&brate your heart and your m&nd toa ne/ /ay of th&nk&ng. -lease do not underest&mate the &mportance of

those entr&es.

4. Ma&nta&n a beg&nners m&nd accept&ng that 7maybe dont ha$e all theans/ers.8

-r&de &s death and unteachable. Tak&ng on the beg&nners m&nd6set re%u&reshum&l&ty and a /&ll&ngness to accept that 7maybe dont ha$e all theans/ers.8 s see &t &f /e had all the ans/ers then /e /ouldnt be &n th&sf&* to beg&n /&th. 9e open to see&ng th&ngs from a ne/ perspect&$e.

5. ncourage other part&c&pants &n my group.

n any g&$en /eek someone /&ll be struggl&ng. our ab&l&ty to be presentand support&$e &n the&r t&me of need /&ll help pro$&de a path to heal&ng forthem and a foundat&on for others to be present for you /hen you mostneed &t.

. Take ass&gnments ser&ously and come prepared to share my /ork /&th thegroup.


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;ne goal of th&s course &s for you to complete a 7L&fe ,eco$ery -lan.8 Todo so /&ll re%u&re tak&ng 7lessons learned8 each /eek and apply&ng themto your l&fe. 'omplet&ng these ass&gnments /&ll add &ns&ght understand&ngand support &n your %uest to f&nd a ne/ l&fe.

!. -ray for God to use th&s process to help you become a more lo$&ng person.

ach day ask God to speak to your heart and open your eyes to /&sdomand to bless the &nteract&ons you ha$e through th&s group.

". -rotect the pr&$acy of the other group members.

)e all need safe people /&th /hom to talk. >A 6


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to consult a $arriage therapist or counselor if you believe that suchservices $ay be beneficial to either of you or your relationship#

mot&ons may run h&gh as you 0ourney through th&s course and /e stronglyencourage you to a$o&d ma0or l&fe dec&s&ons unt&l you ha$e completed theent&re course. @,&ckA prom&se you there /&ll come a po&nt &n the ne*t 12> days

/hen you /&ll th&nk you kno/ /hat your ne*t steps should be and you may ber&ght but there /&ll be no harm &n /a&t&ng the allotted t&me per&od. ou canne$er tell the end of the story by the beg&nn&ng.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD agree to ab&de by the +ope for +eal&ng'ourse 'ontract and understand the d&scla&mer.

A note on divorce:


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Lesson Two: hat*s +our Proble$,

1. 9e sure to write your story to share /&th the group dur&ng our ne*tsess&on. Th&s hasto be written. Try to keep &t bet/een one to t/opages. our ass&gnments for the ne*t three /eeks /&ll be taken from th&s/r&tten ass&gnment so donBt sk&p th&s

a. Etart youBre story /&th fam&ly &ssues that you bel&e$e m&ght ha$econtr&buted to your &nf&del&ty

b. )r&te the story of your marr&age and ho/ you /ere unfa&thful.

our Etory


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Reflection -uestions:

1. Take an honest look at yourself: +o/ d&d you get here(

2. L&st out your resentments to/ard your /&fe.

a.


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Lesson .: /eath to the )$age

hat !oesn*t wor0,

Eo ho/ do /e change( -art of the d&lemma comes from do&ng more and more of/hat doesnt /ork. )hat follo/s &s a l&st of /hat doesnt /ork. )h&ch of theseha$e you tr&ed( 9efore cont&nu&ng /r&te do/n /hy each of the follo/&ngapproaches can ne$er /ork.

1A Try&ng to change others

2A mpro$&ng commun&cat&on

3A Learn&ng to cope more effect&$ely /&th a d&ff&cult s&tuat&on

4A Lea$&ng

5A Eelf6&mpro$ement


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1. fter read&ng the , note on 7)hats the -roblem(8 +o/ /ould youdescr&be the problem(

2. )r&te yourself an act&on plan for creat&ng change and becom&ng the personyou /ant to be. ou may /ant to beg&n by def&n&ng /here you are no/ and

/here you /ould l&ke to be.


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3. ,e6read your story from last /eek.a. n /hat /ays d&d you blame your mate for your fa&lure(

b. )h&ch of the&r faults d&d you focus on to 0ust&fy your lack of lo$e(

c. )hat are f&$e /ays you$e cons&dered your needs and des&res as more&mportant than your mate(

d. +o/ do you use self60ust&f&cat&on to push a/ay your gu&lt(

e. fter read&ng the art&cle can you &dent&fy /ays you are &n the bo*to/ard others bes&des your mate(


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Lesson 1: /eception 2erses Truth


1. fter read&ng the /orkbook chapter 7)rong Th&nk&ng8 &dent&fy at leastthree th&nk&ng errors you use to 0ust&fy your dec&s&ons.

2. ,e6read your story from /eek three and look at /hat you /rote on thatdocument. Mark the spec&f&c sentences that correspond to a th&nk&ng error.

o


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Lesson 3: Bro0enness

Reflection -uestions

1. fter read&ng the /orkbook chapter &n /h&ch d&rect&on do you feel you leanF more to/ard pr&de or to/ard brokenness( )here do you fall on thecont&nuum bet/een pr&de and brokenness(

2. ,e6read your story and &dent&fy a sect&on reflect&ng brokenness and asect&on /here pr&de /as the mot&$at&ng factor.

3. +o/ /ould you def&ne brokenness(

4. The part of you that /ants to ma&nta&n your &mage F /hat does &t say to you(

5. The part of you that longs for brokenness F /hat does &t say to you(


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Lesson 4: The Physical Reality


1. +o/ do you kno/ /hen youre out of control( @G&$e an e*ample.A

2. +o/ do you &ntend to keep that from occurr&ng &n the future(

3. G&$en the phys&cal real&ty of your responses &s that enough(

4. )hat &s your goal for change(


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5. E&nce ans/er&ng the %uest&ons on change a fe/ /eeks ago /hat attemptsha$e you made to change( +o/ effect&$e /ere you( )hat kept theseattempts from /ork&ng(

. )r&te your plan to cope /&th your phys&cal real&ty.

!. )r&te your plan for deal&ng /&th your mates phys&cal real&ty as you gofor/ard. @Th&s %uest&on &s appl&cable e$en to those /ho are d&$orc&ng

espec&ally &f you ha$e ch&ldren.A

". +o/ has anger played out &n your reco$ery and ho/ are you go&ng to addressthat(


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Lesson 5: /a$age "ssess$ent


1. 'ompare a p&cture of you at age 5 and your current age. Cournal on /hatyour act&ons ha$e cost that ch&ld.

2. )hat do you hate most regard&ng your betrayal(

3. )hat has your self6betrayal cost others(

4. )here do you see the lo$e of God &n all of th&s(

5. )hat are /ays you rece&$ed mercy(

. )r&te the letter you th&nk your mate /ould /r&te you &f they /ere to let youkno/ ho/ th&s has &mpacted them. @Ehould be about one page at least.A


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Lesson 6: Repairing the Breach


1. +o/ /ould your mate descr&be your le$el of understand&ng of the&r feel&ngs(

2. n the past ho/ ha$e you tr&ed to make amends @&f you e$er d&dA(

3. Make a plan for anyone else you need to go to and make amends.

4. )r&te your +,T ass&gnment to your mate.


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Lesson 7: Recovery in Har! Ti$es


1. +o/ can you &mpro$e your responses &n your marr&age(

2. )ho &s most l&kely to emot&onally flood &n your marr&age(

3. +o/ d&d your parents handle $olat&l&ty(

4. dent&fy /h&ch of the s&* responses descr&bed &n the $&deo ha$e been themost d&ff&cult for you and /hy. @safe personal boundar&es defens&$enessground rules one6/ay reco$ery fam&ly boundar&es sur$&$&ng reco$eryA

5. #e$elop an act&on plan for &mpro$&ng &nteract&ons or boundar&es &n yourmarr&age or /&th your fr&ends.

. +o/ ha$e you dealt /&th re0ect&on from your /&fe &n the past( Make a planfor ho/ you /&ll become safe for your /&fe.


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Lesson 89: Relational illers


1. )h&ch of the relat&onal k&llers @contempt cr&t&c&sm defens&$enessstone/all&ng concealment control callousnessA are you most l&kely to use(

2. )ho modeled the relat&onal k&llers to you and ho/ has that messageaffected your marr&age(

3. +o/ do you plan to el&m&nate these relat&onsh&p k&llers( #e$elop an act&onplan. ou may /ant to beg&n by rank&ng each &tem &n the order of ho/fre%uently &t occurs.


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Lesson 88:Heartfelt Listening


1. n con$ersat&ons /&th your spouse /hat &s your pr&mary goal(

2. +o/ d&d &t &mpact you to get &n touch /&th your mates feel&ngs(

3. )hat &s your pr&mary barr&er to l&sten&ng(

4. )h&ch of the four responses do you tend to use /hen l&sten&ng from a self6centered perspect&$e( +o/ often /ould you say you l&sten to be understoodrather than to understand(

5. +o/ do you plan to l&sten to understand and a$o&d the self6centeredperspect&$e &n the future(

;/on*t forget your < a!!itional assign$ents this wee0 =at the en! of thechapter right before your reflection questions>#

1. Epend ten m&nutes learn&ng to l&sten. Eee the /orkbook for thegu&del&nes of th&s ass&gnment.

2. L&sten to reflect the emot&ons beh&nd /hat other say. ga&n seethe /orkbook for gu&del&nes.


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Lesson 8


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Lesson 8.: Reconnecting


1. )hat do you see as the b&ggest barr&er to phys&cal &nt&macy for you and yourmate(

2. )hat d&d you learn about female se*ual&ty from th&s lesson(

3. )hat are some /ays you can help your /&fe to feel des&re(

4. #escr&be an e*ample of someth&ng you ha$e felt about your mate thataccurately reflected your bel&efs but d&d not reflect truth(

5. )here does your attachment currently l&e: your affa&r partner your mateyourself God or someth&ngHsomeone else( +o/ does th&s affect yourmarr&age andHor your reco$ery(

. )hats your plan to help the t/o of you mo$e to a deeper le$el of &nt&macy(


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Lesson 81: Preventing the )nevitable


1. )h&ch category best descr&bes your mot&$at&on for your &nf&del&ty(

2. )hat can you do to correct the /rong6th&nk&ng that enabled your &nf&del&ty()hat truths do you need to be rem&nded of( +o/ /&ll you help yourself tol&$e &n that truth(

3. )hat c&rcumstances could make you $ulnerable aga&n( #o you ha$e troubleadm&tt&ng $ulnerab&l&ty( )hy and /hat effect do you th&nk that /&ll ha$eone your probab&l&ty of relapse(

4. s a result /hat act&$&t&es do you need to &nclude &n your L&fe -lan Cournal&n order to stay safe &n the future(

5. )r&te a one page essay @&n story formA descr&b&ng ho/ you relapsed f&$e

years from no/. @)r&te from the po&nt of $&e/ of your future6self.A


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Lesson 83: Relapse Prevention Part 8


1. )hat are your h&gh6r&sk s&tuat&ons(a. *ternal:

b. nternal:

2. dent&fy the E#s that e&ther ha$e operated &n the past or could poss&blyoperate &n the future that could put you &n a comprom&s&ng s&tuat&onuna/ares.

3. )hat are your lapse beha$&ors and /hat cues /ould let you kno/ youresl&pp&ng(

4. )hat &s your pr&mary mot&$at&on to susta&n reco$ery( )&ll &t cont&nue tomot&$ate /hen th&ngs get tough( )hy or /hy not(

5. s /ant&ng to be 7normal8 a struggle for you &n reco$ery( +o/ has notaccept&ng your l&m&tat&ons caused trouble &n the past( )hat steps /&ll youtake to mo$e to/ards acceptance(


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Lesson 84: Relapse Prevention Part ))


1.


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Lesson 85: The Beginning


1. fter read&ng the chapter record /hat you feel you need to do to stay thecourse.

2. fter re$&e/&ng your L&fe -lan /hat /&ll your reco$ery program be(

3. )hat are your take6a/ays from the past 1! /eeks(

4. +o/ could you use g&$&ng back to others as a /ay to stay the course(

5. )hat part /&ll other men play &n your reco$ery process(

. s&ng e$eryth&ng you learned create your o/n reco$ery plan complete/&th sp&r&tual goals mar&tal goals and reco$ery goals. @Eee L&fe -lanbelo/.A f you ha$e another sect&on @&nd&$&dual goals parent&ng goals etc.Ayoud l&ke to add feel free to do so. @Jeep &n m&nd: these goals /&llprobably e$ol$e and change as you mature and progress &n your reco$ery.They dont ha$e to rema&n stagnant and they arent /r&tten &n stone sodont stress. Cust get some goals /r&tten do/n.A


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The Life Plan

Th&s &s my problem:

+o/ many t&mes ha$e fa&led to change(

These are my th&nk&ng errors that cause me to fa&l.

1.

2.

3.


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,em&nders of /hy m do&ng th&s:

1. These are the reasons m do&ng th&s:

2. These are the reasons dont /ant to do th&s:

E&gns that am /alk&ng &n brokenness:

1.

2.

3.

E&gns that $e mo$ed back &nto pr&de:

1.

2.

3.

4.


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comm&t to ne$er forget the damage m capable of /hen m not /ork&ng myprogram. These are the th&ngs my old /ay of l&$&ng cost others @


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ee0 7:

+o/ do you plan to respond &f e&ther you or your /&fe beg&ns to flood(

am gu&lty of the follo/&ng relat&onal k&llers:

To el&m&nate the relat&onal k&llers &n my l&fe /&ll:

ee0 88:

)hat are your goals for l&sten&ng(


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)hat &s your plan for to &mplement these goals(

ee0 8


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ee0 81:

)hat makes you $ulnerable to relapse(

L&st your +&gh ,&sk s&tuat&ons /here you could be $ulnerable:

)hat boundar&es to you need to ma&nta&n to a$o&d these s&tuat&ons(

L&st you nternal +&gh ,&sk s&tuat&ons that make you $ulnerable


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)hat boundar&es to you need to ma&nta&n to a$o&d these s&tuat&ons(

L&st your Lapse 9eha$&ors:

)hat act&ons steps do you comm&t to take &f you comm&t any of the abo$e6ment&oned Lapse 9eha$&ors(


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The ?rge Car!

@ '

'hange

o 'hange


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ee0 84:

)hat Thought -atterns do you need to guard aga&nst(

)hats your plan for deal&ng /&th these thoughts &f they become a problem(

ee0 85:

)hat you feel you need to do to stay the course &n the future(


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)hat are your three pr&mary takea/ays from the +


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Relapse Prevention or0sheetL&st three -,;9LM 9+;,E the &nternal and e*ternal +G+ ,EJ


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Relapse Prevention D /aily Log

/ay

Proble$ behavior Ti$e

)nternal ris0 factor =s>

(ternal ris0 factors=s>

)ntervention:




)ntervention:




)ntervention:


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Relapse Prevention D /aily Log Planning Eor$ou can use th&s log to help control problem beha$&ors. Th&s can help you learnrelapse pre$ent&on. L&st all of the &mportant &nformat&on about your problem

beha$&or.

T,GT 9+;,:nternal +&gh ,&sk


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4. DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Travel Plan

Purpose:)hen a person has been unfa&thful a problem &n the relat&onsh&p &sre$ealed and he or she not only destroys the mates trust but also learns theyare at r&sk. Good &ntent&ons are not suff&c&ent to protect lo$ed ones andreestabl&sh trust bet/een the spouses. ,estor&ng a sense of safety and trustre%u&res intentionality. 'reat&ng a plan before he or she tra$els a/ay fromhome &s necessary to protect fam&ly and for trust. f you ha$e plans to tra$elobta&n&ng your mates feedback and appro$al @&f appl&cableA as /ell as that ofyour therap&st creates a path for success /h&le a/ay from your mate. ppro$almeans that you ha$e learned to act &n safe careful and thoughtful /ays /h&lea/ay from home or &n other h&gh6r&sk c&rcumstances.

)nstructions: -r&or to re%uest&ng appro$al to tra$el /h&ch may place you &nh&gh tr&ggerH&mpulse areas complete the %uest&ons belo/. Be very specific.t&s your respons&b&l&ty to complete a plan &n plenty of t&me for your tra$el orentry &nto a h&gh6r&sk s&tuat&on. fter you complete the checkl&st present the&nformat&on to your spouse and @&f appl&cableA your therap&st. -repare th&s l&stat least one /eek before tra$el. 9oth your spouse and @&f appl&cableA yourtherap&st must appro$e of the plan.

Plan:1. -lace and dates of tra$el @or of other h&gh6r&sk c&rcumstancesA /&th e*act

t&mes of arr&$al and departure.

2. -oss&ble areas of temptat&on and h&gh tr&ggerHr&sk s&tuat&ons dur&ngtra$el.

3. )hy do need to make th&s tr&p(4. )hat tr&ggers &mpulses or fantas&es do e*pect(5. )hat e*ternal controls /&ll be operat&ng(. )hat &nternal controls /&ll be operat&ng(!. )ho /&ll kno/ my plans(". t /hat le$el andHor %uant&ty of tr&ggers should lea$e a s&tuat&on( )hat

are the mental and phys&cal s&gns /&ll e*per&ence /hen kno/ thetemptat&on has reached a le$el that &nd&cates 7e*&t8 &s essent&al(

?. )hat are my 7e*&t8 plans(

1>. plan to deal /&th the e*pected tr&ggersH&mpulses &n the follo/&ng /ays@l&st at least f&$e /aysA:

11.Make a l&st of the negat&$e conse%uences to poss&ble beha$&or @you /&llcomm&t to keep th&s l&st /&th you at all t&mes dur&ng your tra$el &f yourplan &s appro$edA.

12.Make a l&st of your mental emot&onal and sp&r&tual states as you plan forth&s tr&p to be successful and safe.


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13.)hat factors e*ternal andHor &nternal /ould cause me to cancel th&str&p(

14.Make a l&st of a m&n&mum of ten d&fferent and rele$ant 7)hat &fs.8nclude ho/ you /&ll handle each 7)hat &f.8

15.)ho /&ll you be tra$el&ng /&th that you /&ll be accountable to(

1.+o/ /&ll you rema&n accountable to your spouse @&f appl&cableA and yourtherap&st(1!.-ro$&de space for s&gnatures and dates for you your spouse @&f

appl&cableA and your therap&st.


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1. 3s) if we can all move to another location.!. ind a safe standing area to move to.,. o out to the car for 6uiet time.. ;ave my own transportation so * can exit to the hotel.5. Sean will operate as my aid if * let him )now * need to exit

immediately.

1lose my eyes and pray5. Picture an image of 0etsy4. +hin) a'out each woman as someones daughter li)e aithy#

11. "a)e a list of the negative conse6uences to possi'le 'ehavior you willcommit to )eep this list with you at all times during your travel if your planis approved#:

;urting 0etsy

;urting my children

uilt

Shame

Losing my family

1!."a)e a list of your mental2 emotional2 and spiritual states as you plan forthis trip to 'e successful and safe.

* am aware of 0etsys concern and nervousness and * feel 'ad thatshe has to feel that way 'ecause of my actions. * am confident thatods grace will get me through any situation. * am excited to havea chance to spend time with my friend Sean2 and also with 0rian. *feel * may have the opportunity to steer conversations toward >hristand marriage2 which is exciting. * am praying regularly and have'een very open and honest with my accounta'ility partners2 closefriends2 0etsy2 and men in my 1!9step group a'out my relationshipwith od. * feel * am in a good place right now2 constantly spea)ingwith od2 relying on ;im each day2 and measuring my thoughtsand 'ehaviors against ;is -ord. * feel * have planned for this trip

well 'y setting 'oundaries with 0rian ahead of time so * wont feel'ad should * need to implement an exit plan. * have my owntransportation2 and * have a close friend and accounta'ility partnerwith me whom * trust.

1,.-hat factors2 external and/or internal2 would cause me to cancel this trip

* feel * am at a wea) point and not communicating with od.


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0etsy can not handle me going on the trip.

*llness 0etsy2 the )ids2 or myself#.

*t comes to my attention that there will 'e planned activities *

cannot participate in though * have spo)en with the groom2and he has assured me there wont 'e. Sean also has

assured me he wont participate in anything * am una'le tonor would he ever want to#.

1."a)e a list of a minimum of ten different and relevant -hat ifs.8 *ncludehow you will handle each -hat if.8

1. What if I see an attractive woman in short shorts and a tight topat the game?Stic) to the three9to9five9second rule2 no secondglances2 and picture an image of 0etsy see ?1


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me accounta'le and has permission to share anything needed with0etsy Sean#.


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Fy Recovery Progra$ Outline:

How !o you plan to incorporate these areas in your recovery progra$,

rite your recovery goals for each ite$ below#

,eco$ery Groups:

,ead&ng:

*erc&se:

,ecreat&on:


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Marr&age enr&chment:

Ep&r&tual Gro/th:

Therapy:

G&$&ng back to others &n need:

hope for healing mens life plan journal

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